Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever
by Charlotte Webber
Summary: Nessie's relationship with Jacob matures as she does, but it’s not easy. They must deal with war, loss, prejudice, tribal politics, and the unfathomable mystery of imprinting. A heart-warming saga sure to make you laugh, cry and swear before it’s over
1. Escape

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter 1: Escape

"Where do you think you're going?" Jake's unexpected voice in her ear made Nessie gasp with surprise. _Where did _he_ come from?_

"I'm going hunting." She tried to sound casual so he wouldn't guess that she actually planned to leave the compound. "Sure, sure, right after we go back to the tree-house and tell your old lady where we're going." Jacob grinned at her, obviously teasing.

"No Jake, I want to go by myself." She knew it was useless, but she had to try. "If you don't let me go, I'll tell mom you called her an old lady again."

Jake laughed out loud so Nessie scampered up his huge body to put her hands over his mouth. "Shush Jacob! They'll hear you!" She could feel the muscles of his face twitch under her hands as he tried not to laugh. He snorted, making her giggle.

"What's so funny, Jake?"

"You looked so much like a little monkey just now." Nessie wiggled around to get a better look at his face, digging her bare feet into the muscles covering his ribs. "Hey Nessie, that tickles!"

"Ha! Better you than me, Dog Boy!"

"Dog Boy?" Jake chuckled. "You've been hanging out with Rosalie too much. What am I gonna do with you?"

Jake continued to laugh as he pulled her off his body, grabbed her feet, and held her upside down with one hand. Nessie caught the hem of her shirt before it could slide up past her belly and tucked it into her shorts. Using her stomach muscles, she pulled her body into a pike and whipped open like a gymnast.

Jake anticipated her move and tossed her into the air. Nessie somersaulted a couple of times and landed several yards closer to the gate, crouched and ready to run.

Jake quit laughing and puffed out his cheeks as he exhaled. "Aw Nessie, you know you can't go outside alone, and don't tell me you were going to hunt inside the compound, we both know there's nothing left in here you actually want."

He was right, of course. There had only been one carnivore trapped within the compound the day they finished the fence. She hated the taste of herbivores! Yuck! The meat eaters were so much better. Not as good as Jake's blood, though.

_Oh no, why did I have to think about Jake's blood? _Nessie's pupils dilated, her nostrils flared, and her mouth filled with saliva.

She wasn't supposed to bite Jake anymore. What a stupid rule! She never lost control with Jake, never took more than a few little sips, and Jake didn't mind. In fact he seemed to enjoy it as much as she did. _So what was the problem? Geez!_

As if he were reading her mind, Jake closed the distance between them in three strides and scooped her up, holding her like a baby. With his eyebrows raised and a slight smile curving the corners of his mouth, he offered her his wrist. "Are you really thirsty again so soon? Or do you just enjoy being naughty?"

It was hard to ignore the scent of his blood pulsing right under her nose. She pushed his arm away, before her resolve weakened. _I'm getting out of here tonight!_

"You go by yourself all the time!" She squirmed around until she could wrap her legs around his waist and balled her hands into fists. She thumped him on the chest to help make her point.

"You were going to go by yourself tonight, weren't you? Why can't I have any 'alone time'? Everyone else gets to go out by themselves!"

Nessie felt the frustration drain away with each ineffective thump of her fists. Jake snuggled her into his hard warm chest, his heart beat resonating against her. It was just a whisper when she grumbled into the side of his neck, "or hide behind locked doors all night."

Jake's body shook as he tried not to laugh. He slid his hands down to her waist, leaning away from her and looked directly into her eyes.

"How about we go together and I'll be so sneaky, you won't even know I'm there. I did sneak up on you tonight, didn't I?"

She growled quietly in frustration and muttered, "Damn it to hell!" She could tell Jake was trying not to laugh again.

"Are you laughing at me, Jacob Black? Would you rather I adopt some of your vocabulary? Let's see... 'Jake's word for the day' is..."

Jake abruptly clamped his hand over her mouth. The look on his face was comical, but left no room for doubt—this conversation was over.

"Alright, fine." Nessie sighed and jumped out of Jake's arms. She held his hand while she waited for him to punch in the code for the alarm system.

Nessie felt a twinge of guilt for trying to sneak out alone. She knew the reason they had to live here, completely isolated from the rest of the world. They had to hide _her_ from Aro.

She wasn't supposed to know about it, but she overheard enough snippets of conversation to figure out that Aro was experimenting on vampire-human hybrids. She shivered involuntarily as she thought of the ancient vampire.

"So kiddo, how did you manage to sneak out with out your dad catching you?"

She was actually quite proud of herself_._ "I meditated and pretended I was having a dream."

"Seriously? That actually worked?" The surprised look on Jake's face was a little insulting.

"Well, duh. I'm here aren't I?" She stuck her chin in the air and tossed her curls over her shoulder imitating Rosalie's favorite pose. Jake didn't seem to notice, so she dropped the attitude.

"What did you do exactly? Go into a trance or something?"

"Yeah, I've been practicing for awhile." Nessie couldn't keep the excitement and pride out of her voice. "I did a little sleep walking to test it out and no one noticed. I thought what the heck; I might as well do something fun."

"Is that why you're so hell-bent on sneaking out—all alone into the jungle, at night, no one knowing where you are and no one to protect you—_for fun_?" Ah-oh, it sounded like Jake was slipping into parental mode. She hated it when he did that.

"I don't know Jake, I just feel so tense all the time lately. Hunting makes me feel better. Besides, I really am thirsty." She turned on the charm, pushing her lower lip out just a bit, and peeked at him from under her lashes. She learned that trick from Alice.

Jake shook his head and grinned. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Nessie took off into the jungle at top speed, the thrill of the hunt pulsing in her veins. The slipstream she created as she ran lifted the heavy hair from her damp neck and back, it tugged at her curls, stretching them out in waves behind her.

She wanted blood… and she wanted the blood of a predator. She didn't find it. The only scent she found even remotely appetizing was several days old.

Nessie gave up and began tracking one of the many feral pig trails. They were even more plentiful than the deer back in Washington. It didn't take her long to find, kill and drain one. Her thirst was satisfied, but not her craving.

She sat on the ground and began picking twigs, leaves, and an occasional bug out of her tangled hair. She had to get cleaned up before Rose and Alice could see her. They already called her "wild child" and complained constantly about her appearance.

Nessie had traded dresses and bows for t-shirts and cutoffs the day she won her emancipation from the fashion police. It was a hard fought battle. Jake, Edward, Bella and Nessie insisted she was old enough to make her own decisions about what to wear. Rose and Alice did not agree.

Nessie usually wore her hair in a long braid down her back. Tonight she had let it fly freely as she ran through the jungle, enjoying the feeling. She would pay for that fleeting pleasure with hours of untangling mats. She would ask Jake to help her; he was a lot more patient than anyone else in the family was was when it came to brushing and combing her hair.

She watched Jake quickly clean and field dress the pig. He wiped the blade of his knife on the ground before putting it away. When he looked up, he caught her staring at him, but he didn't seem to mind. He stood up, expanding his chest as he stretched and sighed. "Mm, roast pig!"

"That's just gross, Jake!"

"To each his own, Nessie." Jake laughed and started humming to himself as he gathered material for a fire.

Rocking back and forth hugging her knees, Nessie watched Jake work. She knew every plane and angle of his face by touch as well as sight. When the small pile of kindling finally started to smoke, Jake leaned in close with pursed lips and blew gently.

_I'll bet that's how he looks when he kisses someone. _Nessie traced her lower lip slowly with her fingertips. _I wonder what it feels like to be kissed like that?_

The flame gradually increased and ignited the larger twigs and sticks and eventually, a couple of small logs. The campfire threw alternating patterns of light and shadow across Jake's body. Nessie's eyes grew heavy, but she continued to study Jake as he tended the fire and prepared his meal.

"Jake?" Her voice sounded tired and a little dreamy even to her own ears.

He stopped immediately and looked up at her, his dark brown eyes sparkling with reflected light from the fire.

"Your eyes are so pretty, Jacob." His smile lit up his whole face.Nessie felt her cheeks blush and hoped Jake hadn't noticed.

"Thank you Nessie, so are yours. Are you getting tired sweetheart?"

"No, not really." The huge yawn that escaped her made them both laugh. Jake stood up and kicked dirt over the fire, extinguishing it immediately.

"Jake! Why did you do that? It took you so long to get it started and you haven't even cooked your pig yet!"

"Well, I'm a little tired too and we need to get back before someone notices you're missing. Have you thought about how you are going to sneak back in?"

"The same way I got out, meditation."

"How about tomorrow? Are you going meditate all day?"

"Um, I hadn't really thought about it… Crap."

"I'll make you a deal Nessie, if you promise to never sneak out alone; I'll tell you how I hide my thoughts from Edward."

"Does that mean you'll sneak out with me?"

"Maybe. Do I have your word?"

"Yes, Jacob." Nessie quickly agreed. She could manipulate Jake's "maybe" into "Sure, sure," with very little effort.

~***~

Nessie was having a dreadfully bad day. Jake, Alice and Jasper were off on another pointless reconnaissance mission. _When would they realize they were never going to find Nahuel, or his sisters? _

None of her usual pastimes could hold her attention for more than a few minutes. She thought about working on the watercolor she started last week, but was afraid in her present mood she would only ruin it. _Jacob, I need you!_

"Hey Little Spider, where are you?

_Crap! Emmett. Why can't he just leave me alone? _

"Come out, come out where ever you are," he called in an irritating singsong voice. "I wanna see how long I can tickle you before you pee your pants."

Nessie snarled at him and yelled, "Bite me!" before ducking into her room and slamming the door. She ground her teeth and slid down the wall. It hurt when her butt hit the floor and jarred every joint in her body.

The growing pains were terrible today. Worse than the day all her permanent teeth came through. When would it end? When would she be done growing? The pain, the confinement, Jake's absence, Emmett's idiotic teasing: all of it was just too much to bear!

Nessie felt her frustration take on a life of its own in the space around her. The air was heavy and oppressive making it hard to breathe. She could feel the room closing in on her as she started to hyperventilate.

When she couldn't stand it any longer, she climbed out her window and began to scurry down the branches. As she dropped to the ground from the lowest branch, Emmett appeared out of nowhere, grabbed her around the waist and started tickling her.

"Ha! I got you at last, Little Spider!" She could feel her self-control slipping. "You wanna know why I call you little spider?"

She was going to lose her temper big time if he didn't stop it. "Not really," she growled through clenched teeth, feeling the rage build as he continued to tickle her.

"It's because your arms and legs are so long you look like a four legged spider."

That's all it took. She lost control completely. She actually saw red, snarled at him from deep in her belly and bit him.

~***~

**A/N A special thank you to BellaFlan for her professional editing services. The quantum leap in the quality of this story is a direct result of her meticulous line editing and creative suggestions. Be sure to check her profile for some amazing fanfiction.**

**www [dot] fanfiction [dot] net/u/2092771/**


	2. Green Eggs and Ham

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter 2: Green Eggs and Ham

If Emmett didn't have such amazing reflexes it would have been a lot worse. Emmett's howl of surprise and pain was still ringing in her ears as the red haze began to fade. His face was pure white; his eyes wide in shocked disbelief and pain. "Nessie? Why did you…? Oh, man….Nessie, are you okay?"

_You're asking if I'm okay. I attacked you and you want to know if I'm okay? What have I done! _Nessie was shaking from head to toe, too stunned to speak. The all-consuming rage was instantly replaced with shame and fear.

Emmett was cradling his hand, his face twisted in agony when Jake came crashing into view and yelled, "What happened? Nessie are you okay?"

_Oh no, Jake's back. Did he see what I did? Oh please, I just want to die!_

"I said WHAT HAPPENED?" Jake was glaring at Emmett as he roared out his question.

Nessie hung her head in shame. "I bit off Emmett's finger." It was barely a whisper.

Jake's face suddenly looked as shocked as Emmett's and almost as pale. "What? What was that?"

"I said...I bit off Emmett's finger!"Quite a bit louder, that time.

"Why?" Jake's eyes were darting back and forth between Nessie's face and Emmett's.

Emmett grimaced and answered through clenched teeth. "It was my fault, I was teasing her and I guess I just went too far with it."

"Nessie?" The disappointment in Jake's voice crushed her. She felt her stomach heave and had to swallow back the bile in her throat. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. She wanted the house, as well as the tree it was in, to fall down upon her and bury her along with her shame.

"Where are your parents, Renesmee? We need to talk to them." Jake sounded tired as well as extremely sad.

"Jake, man, it's alright. Just hand me my finger will ya? I can reattach it." Emmett was sitting on the ground, panting in pain. "Edward and Bella left a while ago with Rose. They're helping Carlisle install the new generator over on the east side of the complex. They should've been back by now."

Jake didn't even flinch when he retrieved the severed digit out of the dirt and handed it to Emmett. Nessie felt her knees buckle and saw the ground rush towards her face but Jake caught her before she could hit the ground.

Nessie could hear the hushed sounds of worried voices, but she couldn't understand the words. They sounded so distant and distorted, as though she was underwater. W_hat happened? _

The first thing she was fully aware of was Jacob's warm, comforting scent. He was cradling her against him with her head directly over his heart. The sound of his heartbeat always soothed her. What she felt now was something more. It felt as though Jake's strong powerful heart was pumping courage and strength directly into her body.

"Nessie baby, open your eyes." She tried, but her eyelids were so heavy. Nessie was pretty sure she didn't want to open them anyway. Ever. "Come on Nessie, wake up sweetheart." She could hear the concern in his voice. Feel his calloused palm tenderly patting her face. She slowly opened her eyes and saw a look of relief spread across Jake's face.

The other voices became clearer and more distinct. She heard Emmett arguing with her dad. "Oh come on Edward, no blood no foul, right_?"_

"Joking about your lack of a functional circulatory system is not helpful, Emmett. This is serious!" Edward was obviously distressed.

"I don't understand Carlisle," Bella whispered. "Why would she attack him for such a trivial thing? That is so out of character! Even if he had been hurting her, she never would have bitten him. Do you think something is seriously wrong with her?" Bella's voice was full of panic.

"Don't worry Bella; I'll give her a complete physical. I'm sure she is going to be fine. A lot of human girls go through severe mood swings right before puberty, maybe that's all this is."

"Come on Carlisle, don't you think she's a little young for that!"

"Why don't we discuss it a little later, Bella, I think our girl is awake now."

_Oh man, this is going to be bad!_

It was just as bad as she thought it was going to be. Without the excuse of an undiagnosed mental illness, the full force of her parent's wrath was unleashed upon her. They never raised their voices, but somehow that made it even worse.

Emmett and Jake were waiting outside of her parents' room when they finally let her out.

"I'm so sorry Ness…"

"Please don't apologize. I don't think I can take it. I just want to say... I mean... I... Oh Uncle Em! I'm so sorry!" Nessie flew into Emmett's arms and sobbed.

He patted her back awkwardly with his uninjured hand, repeating, "There, there, it's okay. Don't cry, please don't cry."

~***~

Nessie was so ashamed of herself that she didn't mind the isolation of her room one bit. She dove into bed face first and cried into her pillow for the first hour. She knew Jake was waiting silently just outside her room and he would stay there until she came out. His scent, rhythmic breathing and heartbeat helped soothe her. Finally exhausted, she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out just what the heck was wrong with her. Nessie wasn't sure just how long she had been in her room when Jake knocked on her door. She pulled her pillow over her head and mumbled, "Go away, Jake."

"Not likely, sweetie. Come on Nessie, you can't hide in there forever. Please? I miss you." He sounded so sad. _Why do I have to make everyone so miserable? What is wrong with me!_

She pressed her pillow firmly into her face to hold back the tears that threatened to return. "Okay, come in."

As Jake opened her door, Nessie peeked out from behind her pillow. He leaned against the wall just inside the door and slid to the floor. Jake rested his elbows on his bent knees and held his head in his hands.

Nessie flipped over onto her tummy, fluffed her pillow and punched it once before laying back down. She just looked at him without saying a word. She couldn't remember Jake looking so tired. _That's right, he just got back from recon. How self-absorbed can I be?_ _He must be exhausted._

Nessie got up from her bed and crossed the room to Jake. She knelt in front of him and placed her palm on his cheek. She projected an image of Jake asleep, his arms and legs hanging over the edges of her too small bed, while she sat on the floor and wrote letters.

Jake smiled and laughed quietly. "That sounds great, kiddo."

Nessie wrote formal apologies, not only to Emmett, but also to each member of the family. Jake's letter was surprisingly the most difficult to write. She folded it into an origami heart and slipped it into his hip pocket as he slept. She was afraid he might wake up, but he was so tired he wasn't even snoring.

It was almost dark before Jake woke up, yawning and stretching. "How long was I out, Nessie?"

"Just a couple of hours."

"Why didn't you wake me up? I'm not much company when I'm asleep."

"You were just so tired, Jake. I needed to write those apologies anyway so it worked out fine. You were gone when I got up this morning. What time did you leave anyway? How far did you go today? Any sign of Nahuel?"

"Well the answers are: an hour before sunrise, 150 miles, and no." Jake smiled, teasing her just a little for the unbroken string of questions.

"So, what are the terms of your sentence?" Jake was no longer smiling.

"I'm grounded to the tree-house except for hunting until further notice. I had to write formal letters of apology to everyone and I have to spend an hour everyday in my room completely alone." Nessie knew the punishment wasn't too harsh, but her lip started to quiver anyway as she thought of all the long boring days ahead of her. "I can't have any company at all, not even you."

"Come here, sweetie." Nessie jumped into Jake's open arms, clinging to him as she squeezed her eyes shut trying not to cry. Jake patted her back and said, "It's gonna be hard on me too, but I guess we'll both have to find something to do for an hour a day by ourselves. It will give you a chance to get caught-up on your schoolwork. How far behind are you now?" Jake asked with a chuckle.

"Very funny Jake. Ha. Ha. I just need a couple more science classes and I'll have my GED. Maybe it will give you a chance to catch up on your schoolwork." Jake was studying with her grandfather to become an Emergency Medical Technician and Nessie knew he was behind in his reading assignments.

"Sorry I mentioned it. Well, I'm off to bed... Hey, what's this?" Jake started to pull Nessie's note out of his back pocket.

"Wait 'till you get to your room to read it, please." Nessie blushed. "It's just your apology note."

Jake tucked the note deeper into his pocket and patted it twice. He yawned as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Sure, sure. Love ya kid, Goodnight, Nessie."

"Love you too, Jake. Good night."

~***~

"Come on Nessie, it's not that bad. See?" Jake smacked his lips as he devoured an entire steak. "Oh man, that was good!" _Glad you're enjoying yourself, Jake. Don't mind me,_ _ I'll just sit here and gag, OK?_

Nessie felt resentment build as she listened to the rest of the family enjoying their pastimes and hobbies. Nessie was sick of the entire tree-house to which she had been confined for the last month. Tonight, however, she wished she were with the rest of the vampires in one of the rooms scattered throughout the branches of the tree. She would even go back to her tiny, claustrophobic room if it meant she could get out of Kitchen Night!

Nessie always dreaded the weekly ritual of cooking and eating a human meal with Jake. She felt like it was her own personal Hell.The smell of Jake's dinner was making her nauseous.

Jake cut off a small piece of raw meat and offered it to her on a fork, waving it back and forth under her nose. Nessie felt her temper flare as she tried not to gag. "Come on Nessie, open up. I didn't even cook yours. See? Just try it baby; you might even like it this time. Do it for me, OK?"

"WHAT THE HELL, JAKE? Did you get that straight out of 'Green Eggs and Ham'?" Even the hurt, shocked look on his face wasn't enough to cool her rage, or stop her tirade.

"I am not a baby! And I am not going to eat any more nasty human food until every body else does! You don't see my parents in here eating do you? Well, do you? What about Rosalie or even Emmett? Of course not! I know you could eat this disgusting, decomposing bovine flesh every single night, Jake. But it doesn't count because you actually like it!"

Nessie was so angry she didn't realize she had an audience until it was too late. Most of the family was standing in the kitchen, frozen in shock.

"Stop staring at me like I'm some kind of freak!" Nessie screamed as she took off running. She heard her father's voice, "No, Bella. Let her go. She just needs a little time to herself. You too Jake, stay! Let her work through something on her own for once."

"Of course she'll stay inside the perimeter. She knows better than to leave the compound." Edward said, loud enough to be sure she could still hear him.

"_Oh yeah?"_ Nessie thought about running as fast and as far into the jungle as she could, but decided she was in enough trouble as it was. "_Fine, I'll stay inside_."

~***~

"Well, I calmed down, but I'm not fine." Nessie whispered to herself, almost hoping some one would hear her. After running the perimeter of the compound twice, her joints began to ache. Growing pains were something she just had to live with. _I should be used to it by now. _

She wasn't quite ready to face anyone, especially Jake, so she darted up a nearby tree. She had been sitting in the uppermost branches for about 20 minutes. She was certain that the only person who would come looking for her this soon after her little fit, would be Jake. That's why she was at the very top of the canopy. The branches up here were too thin to support his considerable weight. She just didn't want to face him after that horrible scene in the kitchen. She moaned softly, _who do I think I'm kidding anyway? All I want is for Jake to hold me in his arms, let me snuggle into his chest and listen to his heartbeat. _

"What is wrong with me?" a little louder that time. She could feel fresh tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

She felt the tree shake as Jake jumped into the lower branches. "There's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart! You're perfect."

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry!" she sobbed.

"I know you didn't mean it Nessie, now come down here where I can reach you. We both need a hug."

She practically flew down the tree; dropping from branch to branch faster than if she had fallen.

Jake grabbed her out of thin air and clasped her tightly to his chest. He let her cry all over his soft, clean t-shirt until she felt completely drained. _Would this horrible day never end?_ They were only about thirty feet off the ground, so when she said, "Lets go home, I need to apologize some more." Jake just tossed her onto his back and jumped.

She barely felt the impact of landing. Jake was just as graceful and strong as any vampire. "Are you sure sweetheart? We could go for a run first."

That actually sounded really nice. "Yeah, let's go for a run."

Jake grabbed her from his back, flipped her over his shoulder and tossed her into the air once before setting her down. "Wanna race?" he asked with a grin.

"Not this time. In fact, I was wondering if I could ask you for a special favor." Nessie blushed, knowing that it was a very childish request.

Jake looked more than a little confused, but quickly agreed. "Whatever you want is always fine by me. You know that, don't you?"

Nessie smiled sadly and said, "I want to NOT eat human food." When Jake's smile disappeared, she quickly continued, "But that isn't the favor I wanted to ask you."

"I'm sorry if I insulted you tonight. I know you aren't a baby. I don't know how else to get you to eat! I wish you didn't have to eat human food at all, Nessie, but it's important to feed the human half of you as well."

She sighed, "That's another thing I want that I can't ever have. I want to be whole. I'm tired of being only half vampire, or half human. I wish I could be a werewolf like you! I hate being such a freak." _Damn it here come the tears again. Get a grip already!_

Jake took her face in his hands as he knelt in front of her, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Nessie, you are not a freak! You are my favorite person in the whole world. You are smart, kind, thoughtful, generous, sweet, funny, beautiful and …"

Nessie froze, her mouth parting into a shy smile. _Wait a minute! Did Jake actually say I was beautiful?_ Everyone was always telling her she was cute, or even pretty, especially Alice and Rose when they wanted to dress her up. Nessie's face flushed with a strange mixture of pleasure and embarrassment. "Jake, did you um, just say that I was beautiful?"

He tousled her hair and said, "You are even more beautiful than your mother, but don't tell her I said that, it might hurt her feelings. Now, what was the special favor you wanted to ask?"

Nessie blushed again and reached for Jake's face so she could press her palm to his cheek. Showing him was so much easier. When embarrassed, confused, or anxious, she always resorted to her earliest form of communication.

Jake grinned so big it looked like his face would break. "Of course! Nessie, you'll never get too big for that, I just thought you no longer enjoyed it." She returned his smile before turning her back and laughed out loud.

Nessie forgot all her problems and her heart filled with joy as she flew through the jungle, clinging to the back of a giant russet wolf.

~***~

**A/N A special thank you to BellaFlan for her professional editing services. The quantum leap in the quality of this story is a direct result of her meticulous line editing and creative suggestions. Be sure to check her profile for some amazing fanfiction.**

**www [dot] fanfiction [dot] net/u/2092771/**


	3. Growing Up

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Chapter 3: Growing Up

Jake had been running for hours when Nessie's body stiffened in pain. He sensed it immediately and slid to a stop, leaving deep gouges in the dirt with his claws. Nessie crawled off his back and sank to her knees.

Jake immediately phased and jerked his shorts on. There was a tree just three feet in front of him, but he must have been too worried about her to waste any time on modesty. He had never phased in front of her before, so she didn't quite know how to handle it. Nessie had only seen a brief flash of his hip before she looked away. No big deal, right?

Jake didn't seem embarrassed at all. He placed his hand on her forehead and asked, "What's going on Sweetie? Do you have a fever? You feel a little warmer than usual. Your heart rate is a little elevated." Ever since Jake started his EMT training, he was even more of a worrywart than usual.

"Jake, stop it." Nessie was still blushing when she batted his hand away from her forehead. "I don't know. I've never had a fever before." The concerned look on his face made her feel guilty for snapping at him. "Sorry, Jake. I've been feeling a little irritable lately."

She bit her lower lip and dropped her gaze to the ground as she thought about her violent mood swings. Irritable didn't begin to cover it. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I cry at things I used to just laugh at. I get extremely angry without much provocation. I'm always screaming at Uncle Emmett to 'bite me'."

Her face flushed bright red with shame. She was the one doing all the biting. "But right now, the main thing that's bugging me—is my stomach hurts."

She was in Jake's arms and flying through the jungle on the way back to the compound before she even knew what happened.

"Jake stop, I just want to talk about it a little."

"You can talk while I run." Nessie could hear and feel Jake's heart pounding with what could only be fear. She knew He could run for miles without breaking a sweat. "I think we need to get you back, so Carlisle can have a look at you."

"No Jake! I don't want to be poked and prodded all night. Those titanium needles really hurt!"

There were very few things that could pierce her deceptively tough skin. Titanium happened to one of them.

Everyone was sitting around the conference table when they got back. That was weird. They were usually scattered all over the tree by this time of night. _Oh no!_ Nessie suddenly remembered her Dad saying_, "She knows better than to leave the compound,"_ as she was running away from that horrible scene in the kitchen. _Crap! _She hadn't even thought about it after Jacob coaxed her down from the tree_. _They had been gone for hours_._

Nessie risked a quick glance at Edward and he winked at her. _What?_ Edward shook his head "no" almost imperceptibly. _Am in trouble? _He again signaled "no"._ That's a relief! Thanks, Dad._

Alice had her head in her hands and Jasper was rubbing the back of her neck while he concentrated on controlling the mood in the room. Nessie and Jacob both felt the calm atmosphere the minute he carried her through the door.

Alice obviously had a bad headache. After years of practice, she could now see a short distance into Nessie's future. Unfortunately, her efforts were always rewarded with migraine headaches. _Why is she still trying to see my future? Maybe I'm seriously sick. _

"Nessie, you aren't sick, you're just growing up." Edward said soothingly and then looked at Jacob. "Go pack your gear; all the men are going on a camping trip."

"No, I'm not going anywhere! Not 'till I find out what's wrong with Nessie."

"Jacob, she's fine. We'll talk about it in the jeep."

"Her stomach hurts! It could be appendicitis or a parasitic infection or something worse!" Carlisle smiled kindly at Nessie and said, "Come here for a minute, sweetie. Can you show me where it hurts?"

Nessie placed her hand over her lower abdominal muscles. "Right here."

"Mm hm. Can you describe the pain for me?"

"I guess so, yeah. It's kind of how I felt after you forced me to eat those nasty berries last month, only the pain is lower and not as bad. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to puke this time."

Carlisle pressed different parts of her tummy while questioning her. "Does it feel like a dull ache or sharp and stabbing or maybe more like cramping."

"Yeah, it definitely feels like cramps."

"I believe Alice has made the correct diagnosis. Nessie is perfectly healthy and is indeed growing up."

"But the cramps …" Jacob stopped mid sentence with a startled look on his face and merely said, "Oh."

Suddenly Jacob was very excited about the camping trip. All the guys were gone in less than five minutes.

~***~

"Alice are you absolutely sure? You know how subjective your visions can be, especially concerning Nessie. She is just so young!"

"Yes, Bella, I'm sure. This is not something you choose, it just happens. Like the weather and I'm always right about the weather."

_Great, now we're going to discuss the weather? What is going on?"_

Alice turned to look at Nessie. "Nessie, how old are you now?"

_Okay, from the weather to my age, why does everyone worry so much about my age? It's freaking hilarious. No one in my entire family has a realistic age! Three-hundred year-old Carlisle tries so hard to look older, but he barely passes for thirty. Dad is almost one hundred years older than Mom, but they'll both be teenagers forever…_

"Umm… it's not a difficult question Nessie." Alice was still waiting for an answer.

"Actual Age or Earth Years?"

Alice just smirked, raised her eyebrows and waited. Nessie knew no one counted Earth Years except her mom. "My AA is fourteen, but I'm due for an update next week."

"Did you hear that, Bella? Fourteen."

The Actual Age Updates were Carlisle's idea. Nessie had grown from a tiny seed to a fully formed infant in less than two months. She was born with a full set of teeth and she could talk when she was only a week old. At three months, she could run. She had read the entire Harry Potter series twice before her first birthday.

Everyone, except Bella, agreed that it made more sense to calculate Nessie's "Actual Age" by evaluating her physical, intellectual and emotional growth. She wasn't too crazy about the updates; it involved those darn needles and lots of boring academic and psychological tests.

The only good thing about the constant updates was every time she passed a major benchmark Alice would throw a party.

"How much biology have you studied, Nessie?" Alice's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Not much, why? Dad says I need to master chemistry and physics first. Besides, I like art and literature much more than the sciences. So I don't really care."

"This is crazy! But it also sounds just like Edward! We need to put someone else in charge of your education." Alice paused and asked, "Has anyone talked to you about puberty or menstrual cycles?"

"Well, I think puberty is when humans are old enough to make babies. But I haven't heard anything about men's true cycles."

"Oh dear," Alice sighed. "I can't believe this!" Alice narrowed her eyes and shot a reproachful glance at Bella. She turned back to Nessie and then kindly asked, "Do you know how babies are conceived?"

"Alice! One thing at a time." Bella groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she had acquired from Edward.

"Seriously? Come on, Aunt Alice, everyone knows that," Nessie scoffed. "The father puts a seed in the mother's abdominal cavity and it grows into an embryo, then a fetus and when it finally develops into an infant, it's ready for surgical removal."

"Where did you hear _that_ story?" Alice asked, obviously amused.

"Aunt Rose." Alice, Bella and Esme all looked at Rose with identical expressions of incredulity.

"Sorry, but that was basically the story I got the first time I asked. Only instead of 'surgical' removal, the midwife came and helped get the baby out through the belly button. I knew Nessie wouldn't believe that. To be fair, Nessie's AA at the time was only nine."

"Will somebody please tell me what is going on?" Nessie begged.

Alice darted upstairs and was back in less than a second. She inserted a DVD into the audio-visual system, grabbed the remote and pulled Nessie down onto the couch beside her.

"I thought we might need this soon, so I picked it up on my last trip into town as well as a few supplies. Why don't we all watch this together and then we can answer any questions Renesmee might have."

The content of the "Puberty for Dummies" DVD was presented in an overly simplified manner, so when Alice asked if she had any questions, Nessie nodded her head.

"Yeah, I do. How do sperm cells manage to go from the man's body to the woman's?"

~***~

Nessie was more than embarrassed. She was disturbed and confused. "But you said I was a surprise. How could _that_ be a surprise?" She couldn't hold back an involuntary shudder. "You had to do _that _on purpose."

"Nessie, sweetheart, when a man and a woman love each other very much … they enjoy being close to each other." Her mother smiled then stared off into the distance. Both her parents got that glassy-eyed look when they thought about each other. "They kiss and hug and sometimes have sexual intercourseto express their love physically. They aren't always trying to conceive a baby."

"Eww… that's just gross." Nessie couldn't imagine anyone actually _wanting_ to have sex. "I can understand kissing and hugging, I like to hug Jake … but we would never ever do _that_!"

Nessie's eyes widened as she realized what she just said. Why did she immediately think about hugging Jacob when her mother mentioned married couples expressing their love physically? Did she think she might marry Jake when she grew up?

Nessie had never thought of Jake as part of a couple. He seemed perfectly happy just being her friend. He didn't need a wife. Did he?

She remembered wondering what it would feel like to be kissed when she watched Jake start a campfire by blowing on a small pile of kindling. At the time, she wasn't thinking of Jake specifically. The way he had puckered his lips looked like he was ready to kiss someone. Could that someone be her someday?

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Jake kissing her the way the rest of the family kissed their mates. She laughed when it proved impossible. She couldn't imagine Jake ever kissing _anyone_ the way Uncle Emmett kissed Aunt Rose.

A very disturbing thought crossed her mind. "Aunt Rose, you and Uncle Emmett don't have sex, do you?"

Rose looked extremely uncomfortable. "Sex is very private, Nessie. It isn't polite to ask some one if they have sex."

"Oh good grief! You're going to give her a complex," Alice snarled at Rose, then turned towards Nessie and smiled sweetly. "Nessie honey, all married couples have sex. It is very enjoyable. When you're older, it won't seem so strange. In fact, you will want to …"

"Okay, Alice, I think that's enough overwhelming information for one night." Bella stood up and held her hand out to Nessie. "Come on, love, let's get you to bed."

Nessie yawned as she walked upstairs to the guest room with her mother. "Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie."

"Does Jake know about sex?"

~***~

**A/N A special thank you to BellaFlan for her professional editing services. The quantum leap in the quality of this story is a direct result of her meticulous line editing and creative suggestions. Be sure to check her profile for some amazing fanfiction.**

**www [dot] fanfiction [dot] net/u/2092771/**

**I am still working on the epilogue and checking for suggestions in reviews. (hint)**


	4. Rite of Passage

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Rite of Passage

There's just no way to hide the scent of blood from a house full of Vampires. Nessie woke up with bad cramps surrounded by all the women in the family. Esme, Alice and Rose were beaming at her, and Bella was trying hard to smile, not quite pulling it off.

Alice leaped gracefully onto her bed and held out two boxes. "Which do you prefer Nessie? Pads or…?"

Before she could finish the question, Esme, Rose, and Bella exclaimed in unison, "pads!"

They all started to laugh, even Bella. Nessie might have gotten mad at them for laughing at her but it was such a relief to see her mom smile again, that she joined in and laughed until she cried. Then she cried. For real. She didn't know why she was crying but she was. Bella hugged her and said, "it's OK baby, its just hormones."

After she showered and got dressed, she was afraid to go out into the common area where everyone hangs out when they aren't in their rooms. Alice knocked on her door and then waltzed in without waiting for an invitation. Nessie looked at her with reproach, but Alice just smiled and said, "you were going to invite me in another thirteen seconds. Come on! Let's go! Were going to have a party!"

Nessie usually loved parties, but she didn't want to leave her room just yet. "Not today Alice, I think I'll just hang out in my room, OK?"

"No it is not OK! I refuse to let you start acting like your mother! Now come on!"

Alice proceeded to drag her into the commons. She had cards and presents from everyone, even the guys. Everyone knew she had to open Alice's gift first, even Alice, but she still bounced around on her toes chanting, "mine first! Mine first!"

Nessie lifted the lid, and pulled back several layers of pastel tissue paper. She didn't recognize the lacey little scraps of fabric at first. Pink, purple, red, black and white seemed to float on air inside the box. Nessie's face turned bright red as Alice plucked one of the items out of the box and held it up to her chest as if checking to see if it fit.

"Alice! That is not appropriate for…."

"Oh come on Bella! She isn't a little girl anymore! And you have to agree that these little bras and panties are quite modest, yet still feminine…"

"Thank you Alice" Nessie gushed just to make her stop talking about underwear! Nessie figured that Alice must have seen what was going to happen at least three weeks ago. They lived so far away from civilization that the simplest shopping trip required days of travel; Alice still managed to drag Jasper into town about once a month. Nessie blushed thinking about Uncle Jasper tagging along behind Alice while she shopped.

"Aunt Alice, when did you know that this was going to happen? I mean, it would have been nice to have a little more warning."

"Nessie, when was the last time you looked in a mirror? I didn't have to see the future to know this event was imminent." Alice looked at Bella with a smug little smirk on her face and chided, "anyone who was paying attention could have told you what was happening."

"Nessie, open mine and Uncle Emmett's next." Rose handed her a small black velvet box. Nessie sighed in pleasure as she lifted a single emerald suspended from a delicate silver chain.

"It's beautiful, Aunt Rose. Thank you so much!"

"It was Emmett's idea. It belonged to his grandmother, and he really wanted you to have it."

"But, Aunt Rose, shouldn't you have it?"

"No Nessie, we both want you to have it. Your eyes really are the perfect color for emeralds."

Jasper's gift took her breath away. It was an authentic civil war fife. His card stated simply, "This belonged to a friend of mine; I look forward to hearing you play it."

"Aunt Alice? Are you sure?" _These gifts are so extravagant. _

"Of course sweetheart!"

Bella handed her an old "Get out of Jail Free" card from a Monopoly game. _O-kay, this is really strange. _"Um, thanks mom?"

Everyone laughed, apparently in on the joke.

"We are officially un-grounding you as of this minute... "

_YES! That is freaking awesome!_

" ...however, we expect you to control your temper _and_ be kind to Jake on Kitchen Night."

"Just on Kitchen Night?" Nessie smiled to be sure her mom knew she was joking.

Jake's gift was a handmade card with a beautiful ink sketch of an eagle soaring above the ocean cliffs near La Push. As she studied his art, she could almost smell the ocean. When she looked really close, she saw a large reclining wolf hidden in the trees with a woman leaning against him. He somehow managed to hide them within the sketch so they only appeared if you let your eyes go slightly out of focus. Her mouth fell open in surprise and she laughed out loud.

"Oh, let me see what's so funny, Nessie," Alice chirped with glee, as she snatched the card out of her hand. Before Nessie could protest, she was handing it back. "I didn't see anything funny, but it is a very nice rendition of Jacob's childhood home. I like the way the eagle's perspective makes you feel that you are flying with him, and viewing the cliffs from the sky."

Nessie was surprised that Alice didn't mention the wolf couple. _Was it possible she missed it? Not likely. Maybe she was just protecting my privacy. Again, not likely, Alice doesn't believe in privacy. Or maybe… those perfect vampire eyes couldn't go out of focus enough to see the secret hidden in the forest._

Nessie finally got to open the card. She recognized Jake's messy scrawl. _How can he be such an accomplished artist with pen and ink and have such horrible handwriting?_ "Miss you already and I haven't even left yet. Ha! I'll give you your gift when I get back. Hope you're having a great time. Jake"

_Nothing too personal about that_, Nessie passed the card around and not one of them said a word about the wolf and his companion. She planned to have the card mounted, framed and hanging on her wall before bed tonight.

"This is from both of us." Esme handed her a heavy green box. Inside, wrapped carefully in archival paper, was an ancient Bible. The well-preserved leather cover appeared incredibly fragile. She set it down on the table with reverence knowing exactly what it was, knowing that her name and date of birth was inscribed in that ancient tome under her parents names. The entire Cullen family tree was in that book.

"Esme, this is too much. You can't give me Carlisle's family Bible!"

"Yes we can, Renesmee and we insist you take it. Your studies of historical preservation qualify you to care for it properly. Besides, who better to give it to than the only member of our family that can pass it on to her children?"

That's when she realized this was more than just a rite of passage celebration. Each gift was a family heirloom; a priceless treasure that should have been handed down from father to son, and mother to daughter. There would be no sons or daughters for Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, or Esme and Carlisle. All of their human hopes and dreams had died years ago, when they themselves became immortal. Renesmee's coming of age was a new beginning for all of them. Her children would be their children. For the first time in her life, Renesmee was thankful that she was indeed half-human.

~***~

**A/N A special thank you to BellaFlan for her professional editing services. The quantum leap in the quality of this story is a direct result of her meticulous line editing and creative suggestions. Be sure to check her profile for some amazing fanfiction.**

**www [dot] fanfiction [dot] net/u/2092771/**


	5. New Vision

**A/N I am obviously not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than my attempt to prolong my own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter 5: New Vision

The guys were gone for an entire week and the women were glad to see them return. After everyone was properly hugged, kissed and thanked for their wonderful gifts, they all disappeared two by two into their rooms. Nessie grabbed Jake's hand and pulled him into her room. As she started to close the door, Bella suddenly appeared, her hand holding the door open. Nessie started to protest but Edward beat her to it. "Bella, that's not necessary. What could be a better chaperone than a mind reading father? Now, will you please get back in here? We have a lot of catching up to do."

Jake groaned, "Good grief, Edward! We were only gone a week."

Edward laughed, "Maybe you two should use that 'get out of jail' card and go hunting. Besides, don't you have another gift for Nessie?"

Nessie wanted to go at once but Jake wanted to see all of her cool presents first. She enjoyed showing them off (except the ones from Alice which were safely hidden in her bottom drawer). After Jake admired her gifts, he made her close her eyes and he led her into his room. He gently sat her on the edge of his bed and said, "No peeking! Promise?"

"Okay, but you better hurry. I'm getting really curious!"

"I've been working on this for a while. it's not much, not like the other stuff you got, but I hope you like it." Jake sounded a little hesitant, almost shy. "Okay, open your eyes."

He had placed a beautiful hand carved Native American bow in her lap. Nessie was speechless. She turned it over slowly and traced the patterns of the highly polished wood grain with reverence.

Jake leaned back against the wall, shoved his hands in his front pockets and mumbled, "Like I said, it's not much…"

"Shush, Jacob. It's the best gift of all. It must have taken you months to do this."

"Yeah, well, when I have to go back to La Push, I miss you like crazy and it helps if I keep my hands busy."

"I don't know what to say. Except, thank you."

"So, you really like it?"

"Yeah, I really like it."

Jake's smile lit up the room. "Cool! Let's go!"

He grabbed another bow and a quiver full of arrows out of his closet, tousled her hair and laughed as he ran past her. "Beat you to the gate!"

"Hey! No fair! You got a head start!"

Nessie still won of course. "You don't have to let me win every time Jake, I can handle losing once in a while."

Jake just smiled and said, "OK, Kiddo, um… I mean Nessie. I bet you don't want to be called 'Kiddo' anymore, huh?"

"Now that you mention it, yeah, I think I've outgrown that one. It's a good thing you're good at making up nicknames." _Is he blushing?_

They walked to Jake's archery range, talking and laughing, catching up after their week apart.

When they arrived, Jake strung his bow in one fluid movement and then watched as Nessie struggled to string hers.

Jake apologized, "Sorry, Nessie. I wanted to be sure the bow would be powerful enough for you so I guess I made it a little too long."

"Seriously, Jake, it's just fine. I'll probably grow another three inches tonight anyway."

"Are the growing pains bugging you again?"

"Not too bad, I think I'm getting used to it." _I wish!_

"I'll break this down into small steps and explain as I go, okay?" Jake pulled an extra long arrow out of his quiver and began his demonstration. "Rest the shaft of the arrow on your fist. Now, place the first joint of your first three fingers on the string like this and keeping the back of your hand straight, draw your shoulder blades together…"

Jake's voice faded into the background as Nessie watched. It was like she was seeing him for the first time. The muscles of his arms and chest moved in perfect symmetry as he drew the bow. The faded blue denim of his cut-offs complimented the coppery glow of his skin. Even though his thick black hair was always cropped short, she imagined it long, loose and flowing behind him. As Nessie continued to stare, she caught the scent of snow-covered redwood, cedar, and pine mixed with clean salt air from a cool ocean breeze. Yet it was still his scent, still the subtle warm earthy fragrance that meant comfort, acceptance and safety... it meant Jacob.

Nessie closed her eyes, took a deep breath; filling her lungs with as much of his scent as she could. When she exhaled, it was with a sigh of pleasure.

Jake's laugh snapped her out of her daydream. "Whaaat?" It came out in several syllables since he was sort of giggling. She just laughed with him and shook her head.

The vision faded, but the scent of the Pacific Northwest lingered. Jake's smile lit up his face and she felt the warmth of it in her heart.

"OK, Nessie," he teased. "Let's see if you can do better!"

Her arrow barely caught the edge of the target, nowhere near Jake's perfect shot. "Not bad Nessie, in fact that's pretty amazing for your first try. If you keep your arm level and be sure to anchor your hand at the corner of your mouth each time like I showed you, it will really help."

Nessie bit her lower lip and blushed as she realized she had been too busy admiring Jake's body to pay attention to his lesson.

"Here, let me help you." Jake hung his bow on a nearby branch and moved behind her. He put his hands over hers and guided her into the correct position. Nessie's heart rate increased and her breathing quickened as the warmth of Jake's chest radiated against her back. She shivered briefly, but he didn't seem to notice. Jake let go of her hands so she could take her shot. "Now take a breath, look at the spot on the target you want to hit and release the string."

The arrow flew from her bow and disappeared deep into the jungle. "Aw crap! Sorry Jake."

"Don't worry about it Nessie, we'll look for it later."

They continued to shoot at the target. Jake never failed to hit within the inner circle. Nessie broke two arrows, lost three, and improved her aim.

She continued to study Jake every chance she got when he wasn't looking. She didn't think he had changed at all from the Jake she had grown up with, yet something was different. Nessie continued to notice new and wonderful things about Jake. She loved the way he moved... _like a dancer? No, not a dancer, more like a warrior or a martial arts master. Yeah, Jacob Black the ninja! _But that wasn't anything new, was it? She watched the way the afternoon sun highlighted the contours of his well-muscled body and she marveled at the combination of strength and grace.

Jake was usually shirtless, but Nessie had never fully appreciated the sight before. She recalled the memory of Jake working hard as he helped build the tree house and modernize the compound when they first arrived so long ago. His body had not changed at all, but as she perused the old memory, she noticed a definite shift in her perception and felt a growing sense of pleasure.

Nessie had always loved the way Jake smiled and laughed so spontaneously. His hand on hers or a quick kiss on her forehead always comforted her. Today something changed. She had always loved Jake, had always been happy whenever she was near him, but never before had just a smile, a glance, or a casual touch saturated her entire being, her heart, mind, body and soul with so much joy.

The afternoon passed all too quickly. Nessie didn't want to go back but thought she better not push her limits so soon after having her punishment lifted. She replayed her little daydream starring Jake several times in her head and realized she didn't want her dad to see that in her mind.

Even though Jake's method of hiding his thoughts was so simple, Nessie wasn't sure she could pull it off today. She remembered how Jake had first explained it to her.

"Just take any memory, think of it in a different time or place, add a few different people and mix it all together. The resulting image is so natural that Edward never notices. If you try to think about really complex stuff or foreign languages to keep your mind occupied, it's like shooting a signal flare." Jake had hopped up and down waving both hands over his head, yelling, "Hey Edward! Look at me! I'm trying to keep you out of my mind! Over here!" The memory made her laugh out loud.

"So Jake, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, as long as I don't have to answer it." Jake teased.

Nessie ignored Jake's verbal sparring and became serious as she asked, "How would you disguise your thoughts about today; if you wanted to hide them from Dad?"

"Why would I want to do that? It was Edward's idea in the first place." Jake looked puzzled.

"Humor me."

"Okay. Well, I would probably relocate the scene to the Rez, and add Embry and Quil. Nothing too elaborate. That's the secret really; keep it as simple as possible. I would definitely keep the image of your second shot and how it missed the target by a mile," Jake teased. "Are you thinking about changing something about today? Because if you are, maybe our thoughts should match." Jake reached for her hand. _Huh uh, no way am I going share these thoughts with you! _Nessie suddenly needed both of her hands to pick a leaf out of her tangled hair.

"I just thought it would be good practice, you know, when it wasn't anything important."

"And you need to practice because…" Jake was immediately suspicious.

"Oh come on, Jake! I was really good for the entire duration of my punishment. I didn't ask you to sneak out with me even once."

"Seriously, Nessie, why do you want to sneak out? Why not just ask for permission?"

"Don't you know? It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Besides, I enjoy the challenge. Admit it, Jacob. You like to sneak out with me too!"

Jake laughed, "Yeah, but I like this better knowing it's okay with your folks and they aren't going to come looking for me with teeth bared."

"How about a compromise? We'll ask for permission during the day and sneak out at night!"

"Nessie! Come on, why do you want to risk getting in so much trouble?"

"I can't explain it, I just really want to go. Please?" _I need more time alone with you to figure out what's so different._

Jake sighed and hooked a finger under her chin turning her face so she had to look in his eyes. "Are you going to sneak out by yourself if I say no?"

"I gave my word, Jake. I don't break promises."

"This is really important to you, isn't it?" Jake sighed and shook his head. "Alright Ness, here's what we're going to do…"

~***~

Nessie had quite a collection of tiny carved animals on her dresser. Each one represented a midnight adventure in the jungle with Jake. He was much better at keeping his thoughts to himself as he planned. Nessie tended to get too excited, so it was just easier if she didn't know until the last minute.

Jake had been giving her little handmade gifts her entire life, so it was not something anyone would notice. Her excitement each time she found one under her pillow was perfectly normal behavior as well. She would use the most recent figurine as an aid to her nightly meditation, focusing on that animal running through the jungle as she drifted off to sleep. Keeping it simple; that was the plan. Each time a new figurine appeared under her pillow, Nessie would meditate to a deep level of trance and then sneak out her window to meet Jake at the gate. They didn't go as often as Nessie would have liked. In fact, during the rainy season, they hardly went at all. Sometimes it would be as long as a month before a new figurine would appear. It was never more often than once a week. Still, she checked under her pillow every single night, just in case.

Nessie was meditating, holding the tiny wolf in her hand. It was similar to the one on her mother's charm bracelet; only more detailed and skillfully crafted. This carving was not just a generic wolf. It was Jacob_. So beautiful, so perfect…_

She sank deeper into her trance, her dream. She was a wolf like Jacob, like Leah. She ran through the forests of Jacob's home, a part of his pack. She could hear his voice in her head, calling her to join him. "_Come to the river, Renesmee. Hurry_." His voice was clear and compelling. She had to get to the river; she had to find Jacob. She could feel the cold frozen ground under her giant paws; feel the power in her haunches as her muscles propelled her towards his voice. Her body was alive with pleasure, her thick bronze fur rippling in the wind.

"What took so long Nessie? I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up."

_Jake? What? Whoa! _Nessie's eyes flew open as Jake punched in the gate alarm code.

_"_Jake! I think I was sleep walking!" Nessie was ecstatic. "That was so cool! One minute I was meditating in my room, then I was dreaming and now I'm here!" _Or am I still asleep in my room and this is just a part of the dream?_

"Come here, Jake." Nessie reached his face easily, without stretching. _That explains the growing pains. _She placed her palm on his cheek and showed him her dream and how it felt to wake up at the gate.

"Wow! Nessie, that was awesome! That is exactly what it feel likes to run as a wolf!" He took her hand from his face and kissed her palm. Jake always kissed her palm after she shared her mind with him. It was a sort of ritual, but this time Nessie felt a strange, warm tingle run up her arm from his kiss.

"Hey, Nessie, your dream just gave me an idea! Do you want to go for a swim?" The excitement in Jake's eyes was irresistible and contagious.

"That sounds great!" Nessie was practically bouncing on her toes like Aunt Alice.

"It's a little further into the jungle than you've ever been, are you okay with that?" Jake teased.

"It sounds like an adventure to me! Let's go!"

Nessie tied the hem of her shirt in a knot just above her waist. She was a little self-conscience about the latest changes her body was putting her through, so she had started wearing even baggier shirts than normal. She was concerned that this particular shirt wouldn't stay where it belonged once she got in the water. Jake yanked his shirt off over his head and tossed it onto a low branch.

It had taken them an hour and forty-five minutes of hard running to get to the river, but it was worth it. The surface of the water was smooth and dark, reflecting a sky full of stars. Nessie took a step toward the riverbank, anxious to cool off.

Jake's hand on her shoulder made her stop. "Even though the river looks calm, there is a pretty strong current so I want you to hang on to me at all times, okay?" Jake looked like he might be changing his mind about swimming so Nessie quickly agreed.

She climbed onto Jake's back, her legs finally long enough to wrap all the way around his waist and lock into place at the ankles. Jake waded into the water and compensated for the current with seemingly effortless strength and grace.

"We are going to swim upriver against the current and then float back here to get out. Okay?"

"Sure Jake, you can be the river guide this time."

"I'm serious, Nessie. I don't want to have to swim all the way to the ocean to find you." She tightened her grip around his neck and waist, and Jake seemed to relax a little.

Nessie could feel Jake's muscles roll beneath her with each powerful stoke of his arms. He was doing a modified breaststroke with his head always above water so they could talk to each other.

"Jake?"

"Mm?"

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

She felt his heart skip a beat, but he just replied, "I kiss you all the time."

"No, not like that. I mean really kiss, like Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rose?"

Jake tensed beneath her. "Yes, but it was a long time ago, before you were born."

"Who…"

"Sorry Nessie, I'm not going to tell you that. We were very young and it doesn't matter anymore. Besides, haven't you heard it's not nice to kiss and tell?" Jake was quick to change the subject. "Hold your breath!"

Nessie barely had time to close her mouth before Jake dove under water.

When they resurfaced, Nessie began right where she left off. "Okay, Jake. I won't ask for names, but I want to know what kind of experiences you've had, you know, before I was born."

"Nessie, some things are meant to be private."

"Oh! I guess that means you've done some pretty private stuff."

"Nessie!" Jake exclaimed, and then sighed with resignation, "What do you want to know?"

"Well, I was wondering if you were ever in love?"

"Yes, I was. But she loved someone else." _Whoever it is, I think I hate her!_

"Is that who you kissed?"

Jake was quiet for a long time. "Yes." _Oh yeah, I definitely hate her!_

"So I guess she was kind of slutty."

"What?... No!"

"Well, you said she loved someone else. You shouldn't kiss anyone else if you're in love, right?"

"It was very complicated and it doesn't matter anyway. She's happy, I'm happy, we're all happy. Subject closed!"

Without another word, Jake climbed out of the river with Nessie clinging to his back. He took her wrists from around his neck and gently pulled her off his body. "Nessie? Why all the questions about my past?"

"I don't know Jake, I guess I just wanted to know what it felt like. You know, to be loved."

"Ness…"

"And don't tell me everyone loves me! I already know that! I just want to be loved like... like... Oh forget it. You wouldn't understand." She turned her back on him, feeling her face flush with heat.

"Are you sure about that, Renesmee?" She felt Jake's hands on her shoulders as he turned her around to face him. His eyes were wide and intense with some emotion she had never seen before. Nessie felt her heart begin to pound so hard and fast she thought it might leave her chest.

She could hear Jake's heart pounding just as fast and hard as hers. Nessie took one little step closer and placed her hands on his chest. Jake's lips parted and she could feel his hot breath on her lips as they reached for each other. He moaned softly and then grabbed her shoulders and stopped her. Jake bit his lower lip and pressed his forehead against hers.

Nessie softly asked, "Will you kiss me, Jake?"

"Can't..." was all he said.

"Please," Nessie whispered, desire struggling against her growing sense of humiliation. She placed her hand on Jake's cheek to share her need and felt the damp trail of a single tear beneath her palm.

Very gently, softer than the wings of a butterfly, Jake's lips brushed hers and he pulled away.

"Jacob?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

Jake took her hand and pulled her down beside him on the riverbank. She leaned into his side and sighed contentedly as he wrapped one arm around her.

"Nessie, I think it's time I shared something with you."

"Okay." _This sounds serious._

"Sweetheart, have you ever wondered why I live here with your family instead of at home with my pack?"

"I didn't until recently, it just always seemed that you belonged with us. But yeah, I do worry about you deciding you need to go home and find a wife." _I am not going to cry! _Nessie felt her chest constrict as she thought of Jake with someone else. She began to crawl onto his lap, just the way she had thousands of times before when she needed comfort. Immediately Jake grabbed her arms, pining them to her sides. He stood up quickly bringing Nessie to her feet as well.

"Nessie, I am duty bound to report in with my pack on a regular basis." Jake locked eyes with her. "But I promise you it is impossible for me to find a wife in La Push... Do you remember Sam and Emily, back home?"

"Of course I do."

"Well, do you remember how much in love they were? How they couldn't seem to get enough of each other? It was the same with Paul and my sister Rachael."

"I guess I wasn't paying much attention to it back then, but yeah they did seem really close."

"They were more than just close, Ness. They were _imprinted_ couples."

"Imprinted? You mean like geese?"

"No, not like geese. It's definitely a wolf thing. More like love at first sight, only that's not quite it either. It's hard to explain but it's how we find our mates, our soul mates, I mean."

Jake was talking really fast, obviously nervous. "No one knows for sure why or how it happens, although there are lots of theories. It's completely involuntary; we don't have a choice. When one of us imprints, we become so tightly bound to the object of our imprint that she becomes the center of our universe, our very reason for existing." His speech sounded rehearsed.

"Okay, so you're saying that you are going to fall head over heels in love someday and imprint on your soul mate. Why do you think it won't happen in La Push?" _I refuse to cry! I will not let him see me cry!_

"Oh boy, I am making a huge mess out of this."

"Just spit it out Jake."

"Do you remember Claire and Quil?" _Geez! What's with the tribal roll call?_

"You know I do, I used to play with Claire all the time."

"Do you remember how old Claire is?"

"She's about three years older than me in Earth Years, but I'm much older than her in all the ways that really matter." _You better not compare me to a child! _"Your point?"

"Quil imprinted on Claire when she was just two years old. He loves her more than his own life, but he isn't 'in love' with her. Because that would be wrong, really wrong."

Nessie just stared at Jacob and nodded her head, trying to process what he was telling her.

"This is how it's different from love at first sight. Sometimes it's more like how a mother feels about her newborn baby. How she would do anything to protect it. She would even give up her own life if it would save her child."

What Quil feels for Claire right now is comparable to a parent's love, only he is even more tightly bound to Claire. Her parents will willingly set Claire free when she grows up. Quil will never be whole without her."

It works like this: At each stage of an imprint's development, her, um lets call him a guardian for now, becomes what they need most. When Claire was a toddler, Quil was the most diligent of nannies; he was indeed a third parent. Her actual parents had a hard time accepting that." Jacob smiled briefly, as if he were recalling a fond memory. "Every little thing she did delighted him. He couldn't quit talking about each of her accomplishments. From printing her name for the first time to learning to tie her shoes, each event was a celebration. Now that Claire is a child, Quil is her favorite playmate; never tiring of the games she loves, because he loves them too. They are best friends. When she becomes a young woman, Quil will still be her best friend, no doubt going on shopping trips, taking her to get her nails done, whatever it is she wants to do. If she needs to rebel a little, I'm sure he will sneak out with her to toilet paper the neighbor's yard and then help her clean it up the next day. He will keep all her secrets; she will never feel unloved or alone as long as Quil lives. Someday, when Claire is old enough and ready for an adult relationship, Quil will fall in love with her. Am I making any sense at all?"

"A little bit. Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"How old does Claire have to be? You know, before Quil can fall in love with her."

"Quil won't fall in love with Claire until she's absolutely, positively, no question about it ready for that type of relationship. It varies, sweetheart, there is no set age."

"What if Claire is ready for a boyfriend or something, before she's ready for the adult part?"

"Uhh… I'm not sure how that works, but it will probably be a little confusing for both of them for awhile."

_Confusing? That's putting it mildly._

"What if Claire doesn't fall in love with Quil?"

The emotions that flew across Jake's face were almost unreadable. Fear, anxiety, and pain were the ones Nessie recognized before he regained control and carefully arranged his features into a calm mask.

"Never mind, Jake. I'm sure that's a ridiculous question!" Nessie stammered out.

"No, actually it's a very good question." Jake smiled and sighed, "If Claire doesn't ever fall in love with Quil, if she were to love someone else, I know for a fact that Quil will just quietly disappear from her life and pray for Claire's happiness each and every day as long as he lives."

Nessie placed her palm on Jake's cheek to ask her most important question of all.

Her memories of Jake were tumbling over each other as they poured out of her mind in a rush…climbing all over the giant wolf and riding on his back when she was little… playing hide and seek... hunting… being pushed for hours in the swing…. Jake holding her while she cried from some minor disappointment or scolding… Jake arguing with Bella to not put her in time-out… Jake letting her win every game they ever played and every race they ever ran… Jake rocking her for hours and reading to her, and then listening intently to every word she read to him… Jake playing dress-up and not complaining, even though Emmett teased him unmercifully… Jake celebrating every accomplishment, every Actual Age Update… Jake insisting Carlisle draw blood from him first so she wouldn't be so afraid of the needle… Jake's card with the hidden wolf. She felt his smile spread under her hand as he realized how much she loved it... Jake standing in the forest with long black hair flowing across broad shoulders, muscles rippling across his body as he drew his bow. The feel of Jake swimming beneath her in the river... The all-consuming desire to press her body into his, hungering for his kiss. The tenderness that replaced passion when she discovered the tear on his cheek. Finally, the reassurance and joy she felt when Jake's lips brushed hers in a chaste and gentle kiss.

"Yes, Renesmee, I will love you for the rest of my very long life. I imprinted on you the day you were born."

**A/N This is a nice stopping place for younger readers. The story could be considered complete at this point, with probably a K+ rating. It will earn its T rating before the end, with more complex issues and situations.**

Jan. 4, 2010

Edited by BellaFlan. (I will keep mentioning this until the editing is complete. It's a good way to keep track of our progress.)


	6. Starry Starry Night

**A/N I am obviously not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than my attempt to prolong my own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"Nessie, I could stay here forever, but we have to get back. We've never been gone this long before." Jake sounded sad and worried at the same time.

Nessie didn't want the moment to end, she was afraid she would wake up any minute and find out it had all been a dream or a trance induced hallucination.

"Jake?" Nessie shivered, suddenly overwhelmed with nervous energy. Her heart began to pound again. _What is wrong with me? This is Jake. I can tell him anything. _

"Are you cold, Sweetheart?" Jake asked as he tucked her in closer to his side. His body heat was more than enough to keep her warm. Jake had been calling her "Sweetheart" for years, but now it had an entirely new meaning. She felt a warm glow of happiness spread as she shivered again. Nessie had so many thoughts and feelings tumbling in her head and in her heart, she was sure she would never find the words to express them.

She placed her palm on his cheek as she whispered, "I love you, Jake." Old words spoken in a new way would now and forever mean so much more.

Jake scooped her up into his arms and held her next to his chest as she continued to project all that was in her heart. His eyes mirrored the wonder and awe she felt. He gently brushed a stray strand of hair off her cheek, letting his fingers trail down her jaw.

Her imagination took over. Images of Jake, kissing her, holding her…

Nessie found herself sitting on the ground instantly. Jake's hand was clasped tightly around her wrist, holding it away from his face. He had never done that before. Nessie felt the heat flood her neck, cheeks, and even the top of her head with shame. She knew her face was beet red. She wanted to run and get as far away from Jake as she could. _I can't believe I let him see that! Where did that come from anyway? He must think I'm some kind of a…_

"Nessie, it's okay. I just need a minute, you took me by surprise, that's all." She refused to look at him, and jerked her arm trying to break free from his grasp. Jake refused to let her go. He pulled her hand to his lips as if to kiss her palm, but she balled her fingers into a fist. "Aw, Nessie. Please don't be mad. I'm just not ready for all this, it's happening too fast."

"You think I _meant_ to show you that? That I'm what… trying to _seduce_ you?" Hot tears of shame, humiliation and rejection pooled behind her eyes.

"Of course not Nessie! No." Jake looked and sounded stressed. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. No one can control their thoughts all the time."

Nessie froze, as her eyes grew wide in panic. _Oh no! Dad. _Nessie was suddenly terrified, adding one more tumultuous emotion to her already overburdened nervous system. "Dad's not going to like this."

"No, he isn't. He will probably try to kill me." Jake said only half joking. "But both of your parents knew this was going to happen someday."

"They know about the imprinting?" Nessie asked.

Jake laughed. "Oh yeah, in fact your mom tried to kill me the day she found out. Edward wasn't exactly happy about it either, but his anger was nothing compared to Bella's." Jake's laugh died suddenly.

"This is not going to be pleasant. When we get back, you go find Rose, or Alice and stay with them until the yelling stops. Okay?"

"Why do we have to tell them? We could practice disguising our thoughts." Nessie suggested.

"You must have improved your technique recently. Do you really think that will work in this situation?" _Nothing is going to work in this situation._ "Nessie, how old are you?"

"AA17 as of 2 weeks ago, why?"

Jake drew his eyebrows together in a frown and said, "Things may be a little weird between us for awhile. I will probably be spending a lot more time in my wolf form."

"Why?" Nessie was completely confused.

"It might make things easier." Jake swallowed loudly and looked a little uncomfortable. _"How the hell will that make anything easier?" _"And I'm sorry, Nessie, but we can't sneak out any more."

Jake took her hand and kissed her palm, then he placed his hands on either side of her face, stared intently into her eyes and promised, "This awkward stage won't last forever Ness, but my love for you will. Please try to be patient with me, okay?"

Nessie's emotions were all over the place, as they walked back to the river. She was happy that Jake loved her. That he really did belong to her, _he said he would love me for the rest of his very long life, for forever. _

She was still upset that Jake had jerked her hand away from his face. She was happy that he had kissed her, The memory of his lips brushing hers was one she would treasure for the rest of _her_ very long life.

She didn't understand why things had to be "weird" between them now, _and why does he think being in wolf form will make things easier?_ She was upset that Jake wanted to stop sneaking out, but she figured she could change his mind about that.

She was worried about what they were going to do about her parents, or rather what her parents were going to do about them. _This is like the biggest rollercoaster ride in the world._

* * *

She didn't know how long they had been floating down the river, lost in their own thoughts when Nessie realized she was no longer upset. It was as if the river and washed away all her angst, leaving her mind and body in a state of peace and relaxation.

The current was strong, but since the river was so wide, it wasn't really noticeable. It was so peaceful, the common sounds of the jungle, weren't common tonight. The chirruping insects calmed her nerves like a lullaby, while the lonely call of a night bird touched her heart with a strange and pleasant ache.

The tepid river water felt like velvet against her skin. Drifting effortlessly, her body completely relaxed and weightless, gave her the sensation of floating in space. She scrunched up her eyes so the only thing she could see was the starry night sky above. She felt a tenuous connection to something infinitely greater than herself. _Maybe it's God? _

Nessie wasn't sure what she believed about God. No one in her family actually talked about it. She knew that her father and Carlisle both believed in the Christian God. Nessie found it hard to believe that the endless expanse of the universe, and the miraculous variety of life surrounding her in the jungle just happened by chance.

"Jake?" Nessie hated to disturb his musings, but suddenly felt like she had to know. "Do you believe in God?"

Without hesitating even for a second, Jake replied, "How could there not be a God when every one of my prayers has been answered." Jake squeezed her hand and Nessie knew he was referring to her. "How about you, Nessie? Do you believe in God?"

"I do tonight."

The peaceful bliss of the moment was shattered when somewhere in the distance a jungle cat snarled a challenge into the night. It was if someone had thrown a switch, shutting off the half-human girl and activating the primal predator lurking within. Nessie had never felt the urge to hunt so intensely. She answered the cat with a growl of her own. She let go of Jake and tore threw the water with a singular purpose. _Hunt. Track. Kill. Feed._

Jake took off after her, managed to grab one of her ankles and pulled her back to him. "Nessie we don't have time to hunt tonight, we have to get back." She began to recover when she felt the beat of Jake's heart next to hers, his arms wrapped securely around her. _What is wrong with me? I just hunted last week. I shouldn't be this thirsty. _Nessie whimpered as her throat burned with desire for the predator's blood.

Without a word, Jake rolled onto his back and pulled her head up onto his shoulder so it was well above the surface of the water. He turned Nessie onto her back as he draped his arm across her waist, creating a circle of warmth and safety for her to rest within. Nessie whimpered again as Jake brought his other arm across his chest, and ever so gently, lowered his wrist onto her lips.

Nessie's hands curled around Jake's forearm and she pressed his wrist tightly into her open mouth. Jake gasped briefly when her teeth sank into his flesh, piercing skin, muscle, and artery. Nessie's nails dug into his arm as she moaned in ecstasy. She drank hungrily, savoring the hot, pulsing stream of living blood as it poured down her throat. _Nothing can compare with this; there can be no pleasure greater than this in the entire world. In the entire universe. _The current of the river picked up speed and the formerly smooth surface of the water began to churn and foam. Nessie hardly noticed when the force of the rapids sucked them both under the water. She was still feeding when they resurfaced.

Jake's quiet moan brought her to her senses. She pulled away and began to worry when the bite didn't begin to heal immediately. "Oh Jake, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to take so much! Are you okay?" The river roared in her ears as the current spun them around. Nessie was truly frightened as she clung to Jake.

"Sure, sure, I'm fine... blood 'generates quick… 'member? Wolf thing." The river was so loud and Jake's words were so quiet and slurred together she could barely understand him.

"Oh Jacob, Jacob, I don't know what came over me, it's never been like this before." Nessie began to cry quietly. "I will never drink from you again, Jacob! I promise."

"S'okay" Nessie had never heard Jake's voice sound so weak before. She had never been so terrified before.

Jake's eyes rolled back into his head, and his body went completely slack, as the angry river sucked them both beneath the surface.


	7. Breathless

Breathless

* * *

The current held them captive on the bottom of the riverbed. Their bodies tumbling and rolling like discarded rag dolls thrown from a speeding vehicle. It seemed as if the river were a living monster. A demon intent on tearing Jacob away from her. Nessie was slammed into a boulder, knocking the last of her breath out of her lungs in a cloud of bubbles. Her hands, tangled in Jake's hair was the only hold she had on him. Just as she thought her lungs would burst from lack of air, the river released them. Gasping for air, she barely managed to keep Jake's head above water.

The current was still strong, the surface of the river choppy_._ _What's wrong with Jake, why isn't he healing? _Nessie tried to get Jake to respond, patting his cheeks, shaking him, begging him, "Jake, open your eyes! Please Jake I need your help, I can't do this on my own! "Nessie rolled onto her back, pulling Jake's head onto her chest, and tried to determine if he were still breathing. It was impossible to tell. His lips were blue, his face pale inspite of his heritage. His body was cold. How was that even possible? Jake was never cold.

_Oh no! No! NO! **"NO!**_ **Don't you dare leave me Jacob Black! Don't you dare! You are mine. Do you hear me? Mine!" **_He can't die, he just can't! What should I do? It's not possible to do CPR while floating down this damn river!_ She began to swim for the closest shore with all her strength, towing Jake's inert body. His weight, combined with the current, pulled her under several times. Each time she managed to keep Jake's head above her, refusing to let him go under. Nessie was exhausted from fighting the current and from fighting her panic. Despite her best efforts, they were no closer to the riverbank. If anything it was even further away. How could the current be so strong?

There had been no rapids on the trip up the river, two hours ago. (A lifetime ago?) Even Jake wouldn't have been able to swim upstream in a class five rapid. They must have floated past the exit without noticing. Nessie knew it wasn't unusual for her to miss important landmarks when distracted, but Jake's sense of place was infallible. He must have been distracted as well. How long had they floated quietly immersed in their own thoughts? The only thing they had talked about was God. "_How can there not be a God, when every one of my prayers has been answered?" _Nessie fought back the urge to sob as she remembered Jake's words. _How about you, Nessie? Do you believe in God? _Those were the last words he had spoken, only seconds before she bit him. _This is all my fault! I am pure evil. __Will God even listen to someone like me?_

_"God, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, please save Jacob. Please help me get him to the shore. I'm so tired God. I don't think I can do it by myself." _Nessie noticed the trees lining the riverbank were flying by even faster. _How fast are we going? How far have we gone? _The roar of the river increased in volume, drowning out all other sounds. The smell of the river filled her oxygen starved lungs with the scent of decaying vegetation, rotting fish, mud, mildew, and death. The hateful river filled her senses, washing away all else. The only thing left in all the world was the river, Nessie, and Jacob. Nessie tightened her hold on Jake and whispered in his ear, "I've got you Jake, I won't let you go."

As they rounded a bend, Nessie saw an immense wall of water rushing toward them. She was overcome with despair and grief. _Oh no! Not another series of rapids! We'll never make it through another one._ The very night she learned of Jacob's love for her was the night they would die. All the promises of forever would end tonight in this hateful river.

_If there is a God, maybe he only listens to humans. _It was so unfair! She screamed with fury into the night. Her sudden anger gave her just enough strength to hang onto Jake as they were sucked under and rolled along the bottom once again.

This series of rapids ended just as suddenly as it had appeared. As she surfaced, Nessie felt Jake's body jerk away from her. She barely managed to hang onto him. The branches of a half submerged tree near the riverbank had snagged Jake's body, holding him like a jealous lover. _At least his head is above water._

The current was pulling at Nessie trying to tear her away from him. She managed to slide around the trunk of the tree, the texture of its rough bark pressing into her thighs. Finally out of the current, Nessie focused all her remaining energy and strength on Jake. Inch by tortuous inch, she managed to drag Jake's body toward the shore. She barely managed to pull his head and chest of out of the river. His hips and legs remained submerged. It was the best she could do. He was just too heavy. There was no way to deny the laws of physics. It was if the river refused to surrender him.

Nessie clung to Jake with every thing she had left. Overcome with exhaustion, she rested her head on his chest. She sobbed with relief as she heard the faint and rapid beating of his heart. Jake coughed once and vomited a stream of water. _He's breathing! He's going to live! _Nessie froze as she felt Jake's body shift and begin to gradually slip back into the river. This was too much. Why did she have to fight so hard to get him to the riverbank if he was only going to slip away. _God! This is not fair! _Nessie dug her feet into the soft silt of the river bottom, placed her hands under Jakes arms, locked her elbows and pushed with all her might. She felt her feet sink into the muck past her ankles. It was just below her knees when her feet finally found solid ground, and Jake stopped his progression into the riverl.

"Nessie?" It was barely a breath, no more than a sigh, but she heard him whisper her name. She tried to move closer to his face, but she couldn't move her legs. Her need to comfort Jake was stronger than her need to breathe. The harder she struggled, the tighter the mud clung to her legs.

"I'm here Jake, I'm here. It's going to be okay, you're going to be fine now." Nessie began to hum some wordless lullaby from her earliest memories.

"Nessie? I'm cold." She began to cry, knowing she couldn't help him. When Jake began to shiver, he slid closer to her and closer to the river that was determined to steal him away from her.

Without even thinking about it, Nessie placed her hand on Jake's cheek. She projected images of warmth, love, peace, comfort and acceptance. It was the last gift she could ever give him; the image of Nessie clinging to Jake's limp body as together they slipped beneath the surface one last time.

* * *

"Renesmee?" The voice resonating above her was deep, and strong. Nessie thought she was dying or perhaps already dead. _Is that you God?_ She felt strong warm hands slip under her arms and begin to slowly lift her out of mud.

Nessie panicked and began to fight and scream. "No! let me go! I'm not leaving him!" One of the hands released her and grasped Jake wrist. Nessie never let go of Jake as they were both hauled out of the river.

Nessie looked up and recognized an old friend._ Nahuel?_

"What happened? What is wrong with that man?"

"He's cold." It was all she could manage to say.

Without a word, Nahuel picked Jake up and slung him over his shoulder. He reached out to Nessie and pulled her to her feet. Hand in hand they walked silently into the jungle. Nessie smelled the smoke of a greenwood fire miles before they reached Nahuel's campsite. The fire was more smoke than blaze, but at least it was warm. A simple hammock hung between two trees. A modern high tech backpack was visible inside an old salvation army style tent. Nahuel kicked the pack out his way as he crawled into the tent with Jake on his shoulders. It was a tight fit. Nahuel gently laid Jake on his side and pulled a handwoven blanket out of the pack. He shook it out and let it settle over Jake's trembling body. Nessie watched in silence until Nahuel started to place the pack under Jake's head. She quietly ducked into the tent and moved the pack out of her way as she sat down. Nahuel stared into her eyes with an intensity that confused her as he carefully placed Jake's head on her lap.

Nessie brushed Jake's wet hair off of his face and kissed his brow. Jake still felt unnaturally cold, and he continued to shiver uncontrollably. Jake groaned in pain as his muscles contracted in knots. He began to fight as if he were still under water, throwing the blanket off. "Shush, it's okay, you're safe now, I have you." Nessie soothed as she rocked him gently. She was trying to wrap the blanket around him again when Nahuel grabbed Jake's arm, staring at it with a look of alarm.

"Renesmee, why does this man have a bite on his wrist?"

It all came crashing down on her then. Nessie began to shake uncontrollably. She couldn't speak, she couldn't cry, all she could do was stare at Nahuel and tremble.

Still holding Jake's arm, Nahuel knelt in front of Nessie. "Did you bite him?"

Nessie managed to nod her head slowly.

"Was it your intention to turn him?"

_Turn him? What?_

"You do not have enough venom to turn him on your own. Would you like me to help?"

"What? What do you mean? I don't have any venom at all." Nessie found her voice in the midst of her confusion. "And he isn't human, he's a shifter."

"Ah, I thought he looked familiar. He is one of the wolves that protected you from the Volturi?"

"Yes, he is my Jacob."

"_Your _Jacob? So he is your mate?" Nahuel asked, frowning.

"Um, no. Not yet."

"I see. I thought our venom was toxic to the shifters. They can't be turned, only killed."

"Why do you keep saying that? I wasn't trying to turn him! I'm not venomous!"

"Open your mouth, please and lift your tongue." Nessie was too exhausted to argue any more so she did as he asked.

"Yes, I thought so. You are producing a small amount of venom."

Nessie was incredulous. "How is that possible? I used to bite Jake all the time when I was little. It never bothered him then."

"Is this the first time you have bitten him since becoming a woman?"

"What do you mean?" Nessie asked, confused.

"Since you began to bleed."

Nessie finally understood, and was too drained emotionally to care or feel embarrassed. "Yes."

"It was the same with my youngest sister. At the time of our meeting I did not know that my father had created another female child the year prior to your birth. She had no venom until her 7th year. The year of her womanhood." Nahuel's voice was heavy with sadness.

"So I what? Poisoned Jake?" Nessie didn't think she could take one more ounce of added guilt without it crushing her.

"Yes, but I do not think it will be fatal. My sister does not have enough venom to turn a human, so I don't think you have enough to kill a shifter. He needs to be treated, where are the others? Surely the Dr. has medicine?"

Nessie began to shiver again. "I don't know. I don't know how far down the river we've come."

"They will find you soon just by following the river. Our scent will mark the trail and will lead them to my camp."

Nessie moaned and covered her face with her hands. Nahuel, obviously confused by her strong reaction, leaned closer and Nessie instinctively pressed her palm to his cheek. All the events of the evening poured out of her. Sneaking out of the compound, and running for nearly two hours through the jungle... clinging to Jake's back as he swam up the river... the sweetness of their first kiss and Jake's explanation of imprinting... the beauty of the stars... the cry of the jungle cat, and her selfish betrayal of Jake's trust... her desparate attempts to save him... her recognition of Nahuel...

Nahuel gasped in surprise. "Zafrina told me of your talent, but I did not realize it was so powerful." He looked at her with concern. "You love him very much." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"If there is no help coming, we must help him using what the jungle provides." As if on cue, Jake began to convulse. Nahuel poured the contents of his canteen into a small aluminum can and hung it over the fire with an old rusted coathanger. "Stay with him." Nahuel commanded as he took off into the jungle. _Stay with him? I'll never leave him as long as I live._ "I'm here Jake, it's going to okay now." Nessie began to hum again as she rubbed Jake's arms trying to warm him.

* * *

It seemed to Nessie that Nahuel was gone for a long time. When he returned, he immediately began to crush the leaves of several different plants between his fingers and drop them into the now boiling water. The resulting aroma was not at all pleasant.

Jake had two more convulsions before the infusion was finally ready. Nessie held Jake's head up, one hand on his forehead, the other under his chin, as Nahuel slowly poured the foul smelling brew down Jake's throat.

It wasn't long before the primative medicine began to work. Jake's body temperature spiked and he soon drenched the blanket with sweat. Nahuel handed Nessie a damp cloth. She hated the smell of the river it had been soaked in, but took it with gratitude and placed it on Jake's brow. "It is better if you bathe his entire body, it will reduce the fever faster. Be careful not to let him get chilled, only expose the part you are bathing. Keep the rest of him covered." Nahuel instructed, then took off toward the river again.

Nessie moved to Jake's side and knelt on the ground beside him. She slowly uncovered one arm and gently wiped it with the damp cloth. Jake sighed as it cooled his fevered skin. When that arm no longer burned with fever, she tucked it back inside the blanket and bathed the other. Nessie and Nahuel spent a sleepless night caring for Jacob. Nessie never left Jake's side, and Nahuel was never still. He was either brewing more medicine or running to the river to soak the cloth in the cool water.

The sun was just beginning to filter through the jungle canopy. Golden light tinged with green, dappled the ground. The fire had burned out during the night; all that remained were the blackened logs now dusted with white ash and glowing with a pale orange light.

Jake and the blanket he was wrapped in had a sour, pungent scent, a mixture of sweat, river, medicine and smoke, but he was sleeping soundly at last. They all smelled of smoke, but that was the only pleasant scent upon them. Nessie's hair was a hopeless mass of tangles and it reeked of the river. "Nahuel, may I borrow your knife?"

He snapped open the leather case attached to his belt, removed the hunting knife, and handed it to her handle first. He frowned as Nessie began to hack and saw at the matted mass of hair on her head.

"Renesmee, may I help you with that? I am afraid you might cut yourself."

Nessie was surprised by his offer, but simply handed the knife back to him. "Yes, please."

Nessie could feel her hair tugging and pulling at her scalp as Nahuel cut the mats out. She didn't mind the pain. It was a strange sensation, her head felt so much lighter. As soon as Nahuel put away the knife, Nessie ran her hand over her head and laughed. It felt good. There were still a few tangles, but she was able to tease them apart with her fingers.

Jake stirred at the sound of Nessie's laughter. She was immediately at his side again, her hand on his forehead checking to see if the fever had returned. He felt warm, but not feverish, just the way he was supposed to feel. Jake opened his eyes and croaked, "Nessie? What happened to your hair?"

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	8. Kiss of Death

A/N I am obviously not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended

Kiss of Death

"Jake, are you okay? How are you feeling?" Nessie sank to her knees, grasped Jake's hand with both of hers and kissed his palm before letting it rest against her cheek. Jake slipped his thumb under her chin and turned her head slowly from side to side examining her closely. He moved his hand to the back of her head and tenderly ran his fingers through what was left of her hair, clearly puzzled by the radical change.

Nessie bit her lower lip, reached up and pulled at the remnants of one of her curls, attempting to wrap it around her finger. "I cut it." She scrunched her eyes closed with a grimace wrinkling her nose.

When she opened her eyes, Jake was smiling at her.

"I like it."

Nessie kissed the tip of his nose and laughed. "Liar."

Jake's smile turned into the wide grin that always warmed her heart. Nessie laid down beside Jake and rolled onto her side facing him. She rested her head on her outstretched arm and sighed with relief. He had been so ill during the night, all she could think of as she bathed him was reducing his fever and making him as comfortable as possible. Now that he was out of danger, just the sight of him made her own temperature rise.

The canvas tent began to glow where the sun touched it. Jake raised himself up on his elbows moving slowly. He groaned softly as he moved, obviously still weak. The blanket slid down, exposing his broad chest. Nessie's gaze wandered over his body until she she was captured by the dark brown depths of his eyes and felt as if she were falling. It was all she could do to keep from running her hands over the smooth coppery skin of his chest. She imagined pushing the blanket down even further...

"Nessie, what happened? Where are we?" Jake reached out one hand, leaning over her body, and touched the side of the tent. "Where did you get this tent?" Jake wrinkled his nose. "And where did this blanket come from? It really stinks." Jake's questions snapped her out her fantasy and she laughed; grateful that her hands were not on Jake's face. She was going to have to do a better job of controlling her thoughts.

"Its not just the blanket that stinks." Nessie teased. Her eyes lit up with excitement as she brushed Jake's hair out his eyes. "You will never guess who I found! Well, actually he found us, but anyway, you'll never guess!"

"You're right Nessie, I won't even try. Who did you find?" Nessie slid behind Jake just in time to catch his head as he sank back to the ground. "Why am I so lightheaded and weak? I hurt all over, it feels like I've been run over by a truck." Jake frowned and grimaced in pain as he stretched his arms and legs. "What happened to me?" Jake's eye's were full of tenderness and trust as he looked up at her. It nearly broke her heart.

Nessie's face fell as all thoughts of Nahuel were forgotten; all her joy evaporated in an instant. She felt tears pool behind her eyes, and began to shrink in upon herself. She dropped her head as her shoulders slumped . How could she possibly confess what she had done?

"Jake, how much do you remember?" Nessie whispered as she leaned over him, careful not to touch his face with her palms.

Jake's smile lit up his tired face. "I remember this." Jake lifted his hand and ran his fingertips over Nessie's lips. Nessie sighed as she also remembered their first kiss. Her heart was overflowing with love for this man she had nearly killed.

"Do you remember going back into the river?" Nessie's heart began to race with anxiety. "Do you remember what I did to you?"

Jake lifted his arm and stared at the crude bandage. He carefully unwrapped it revealing the horrible wound that should have healed and disappeared completely without a trace. Jake frowned, pulling his eyebrows together. He touched it gingerly and gasped at the unexpected pain. "I don't understand."

Jake suddenly tried to sit up, and nearly passed out. He was grasping at Nessie trying to force her behind him. She simply pulled his head back onto her lap and tried to quiet him as he continued to struggle. Nessie heard Nahuel adding wood to the fire and realized that must have been what triggered Jake's distress.

"It's okay, Jake. It's just Nahuel. He saved us from the river last night, and he made medicine that saved you from the venom..." Nessie's voice trailed off as Jake's eyes opened wide in shock.

"Venom? What venom? Did he bite me?" Jake hissed, still trying to get up.

"No Jake, Nahuel saved you." Nessie tried to turn her face away from Jake as she felt the tears run down her cheeks. With his head in her lap, she couldn't get far. Jake must have decided there really wasn't any danger after all. He huffed out a loud sigh and let his body relax.

Jake reached up to her, and ran his fingers through the short curls on the back of her head. "Oh Nessie honey, please don't cry. What's wrong?" He pulled her face down to his and kissed away her tears.

Jake's lips began to swell. "Nahuel!" Nessie yelled. He ducked his head inside the tent and immediately understood Jake's predicament. Nahuel darted outside for less than a second and returned with a few leaves from one of the plants he had used last night. He knelt beside Jake, crushed the leaves in his hands, and tried to rub them on Jake's mouth. Jake batted his hand away. "Jacob, stop that! Let him help you!" Nessie demanded.

"Whad id dat?" Jake's lips and tongue were so swollen he could hardly speak.

"It is the plant equivalent of an antihistamine. You are having an allergic reaction to Nessi's venom." Nahuel glared at Jake and frowned. "Did you kiss her?"

"Dat id none ob your bidned." Jake snarled at Nahuel, then looked at Nessie with a confused expression, the corners of his swollen mouth pulling down into a frown. Jake tried to talk but it was impossible to understand what he was saying. Nessie thought Jake was arguing that she wasn't venomous. She decided that conversation could wait until Jake's immediate problem was taken care of.

Nessie answered Nahuel's question. "He kissed my face after I had been crying. Are my tears venomous too?" Nessie's voice was shaking.

"I'm afraid so, Renesmee. All of our bodily fluids contain at least some venom. Even our tears. It is most concentrated in our saliva, and that is usually the only fluid that causes a reaction of any sort. Jake must have developed a severe intolerance to your venom due to the amount you injected him with when you fed from him." _How could this possibly get any worse? _

"So, Jake is allergic to me? Does that mean I shouldn't touch him?" Nessie's voice climbed an octave as she realized the ramifications of the situation. She gently laid Jake's head on the ground as she started backing away, afraid of what she might do to him.

"As long as you are not perspiring, it shouldn't be a problem." Nahuel tried to reassure her, but cautioned, "I don't think it would be a good idea to kiss his mouth. If your tongues should..."

Jake's nearly unintelligible swearing interrupted Nahuel for a moment. He glared at Jake, but Nahuel waited until Jake finished before he continued.

"If you want the full use of your mouth any time soon, I recommend you rub these leaves over your lips, and chew them until your tongue shrinks to its' normal size." Nessie started to reach for the leaves so she could take care of Jake without further discussion, but stopped when she realized what she was doing. She stared at her palms with chagrin. _Are my hands sweaty? _She shoved her hands behind her back. Jake watched Nessie's reaction and held his hand out to Nahuel for the leaves.

Once Jake's swollen lips began to deflate, Nahuel left the tent and disappeared quietly into the jungle. Nessie sat in a corner of the tent and hugged her knees. She rested her chin on her arms and stared at Jake. She could tell by his expression when he began to process what had just happened. First his eyes narrowed, and he tilted his head to one side, then he slowly shook his head in denial. His still partially swollen lips parted and he exhaled one long sigh. "Nessie? This doesn't make any sense." At least the swelling had gone down enough that Jake could talk again.

Nessie groaned and buried her face in her arms. "Yeah, actually it does... Nahuel's youngest sister became venomous at puberty. So I guess that's what happened to me too." Jake moved closer to Nessie and reached out to comfort her. Nessie's head snapped up, her eyes bright with unshed tears and self-loathing. "Stay back Jake! I don't want to make you sick again." Nessie was miserable. The tent was like an oven and she was sweating. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand and looked at it with dismay. "This isn't just sweat anymore, it's poison."

"I don't believe it." Jake insisted.

"You better believe it Jake, your life depends on it." Nessie's voice was shrill with anxiety. "Look under my tongue, Jake. The silver streaks mixed with my saliva; that's venom. It nearly killed you last night and if you get another dose; it _will_ kill you." She opened her mouth, lifted her tongue and tilted her head back to show Jake the evidence. "I can't ever touch you again, I can't risk it."

"Nessie wait, let's just think about this calmly for a minute. Okay?"

"No Jake, it's not okay! Don't you get it?" Nessie jumped to her feet and backed even further into the corner. "Look at your arm, Jacob. When was the last time it took more than an hour for any wound to heal? When was the last time you felt this weak? How can you even stand to look at me?"

"Nessie please, I love you. There is nothing in this world I would rather look at than you. We'll figure this out. I'm sure Carlisle can come up with some kind of treatment or allergy shots or something."

Nessie began to allow her self a tiny bit of hope. "Do you really think so?"

"Of course I do. Nessie we are meant to be together, it will work out. It has to!" Jake's look of confidence was marred by the desperation in his voice. "I think you may be overreacting just a bit. You kissed me first thing this morning and I didn't react to it. We touched each other and nothing happened. We just have to be really careful that's all."

Nessie couldn't help it, her heartbeat quickened at the thought of kissing and touching Jake. But then doubt began to erode her joy. "Is that going to be enough for you? I mean, when I'm older. What if Carlisle can't fix this?" Nessie felt her face flood with heat as she blushed. "You heard what Nahuel said."

"Nessie, this may be a blessing in disguise. I won't have to stay in wolf form all the time I'm around you. We will be forced to behave ourselves. I'm sure Carlisle will have a cure figured out before we need it." _Where does he get his self control and patience? I want that cure now!_

**A/N I know it has been a while since I updated. I will post the next chapter later today or tomorrow. It is written, but needs a little work before posting. **

**I also wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, subscribed to alerts, and added this story to your favorites. It is very motivating. **

**All reviews, praise, and criticism are gratefully received.**


	9. Revelations

**A/N**

**WARNING! There are vague and brief references to physical abuse in this chapter and while it is NOT graphic, (less so than Rosalie's story) it could be disturbing to anyone dealing with that type of trauma.**

**I am obviously not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Revelations

The high pitched squealing of a pig interrupted Jake's pontification of the benefits of Nessie's poisonous nature.

"Renesmee, Jacob, I brought you breakfast." Nahuel called as he emerged from the jungle. He was holding a squirming half grown pig under one arm. Nessie's throat burst into flames and it took every ounce of self control she had to keep from ripping it away from him and draining it on the spot. She gritted her teeth and slowly walked out of the tent; determined to never let her thirst control her again the way it had last night.

"Thank you Nahuel. It's really getting hot in the tent and I'm worried about Jake. If you don't mind; I'll hold 'breakfast' while you help Jake find someplace cooler to rest." Nessie was not going to risk touching Jake while she was so sweaty. She took the terrified pig from Nahuel, ignored her burning thirst, stuck her head in the tent and whispered, "Jacob, you are still weak from loss of blood and the effects of my venom. Let Nahuel help you..."

"I don't need any..." Jake tried to interrupt, but Nessie wasn't in the mood to allow it.

"Do not argue with me Jacob Black. I won't add heat stroke to your list of life threating problems. Now behave!" Jake sat up on his own in defiance, and immediately put his head between his knees. He rolled his head from side to side and moaned, "Okay, fine."

Nahuel ducked into the tent and helped Jake get to his feet. He draped Jake's arm over his shoulders and half carried him to the hammock. Jake was so much bigger and heavier, but Nahuel made it look effortless. Jacob made it look painful. Nessie was pretty sure it was mostly his pride that was hurting.

The pig squealed and tried to bite Nessie which triggered her hunting instinct. She refused to be ruled by blood lust and in her frustration squeezed it a little too hard. _Damn it! Now it's going to get cold._ Have you had breakfast yet Nahuel?" Nessie blushed as she remembered that Nahuel and his Aunt were not "vegetarian" vampires.

"No, I fed just a couple of days ago so I am not thirsty." Nahuel smiled and inclined his head signaling her to begin. "I caught the animal for you and Jacob to share." Nessie continued to exercise amazing self control as she slowly drained the lifeless pig. A small amount of blood escaped and trickled down her chin. Nessie handed the empty pig to a grinning Nahuel and carelessly wiped her face on the hem of her filthy shirt.

Nahuel had the pig cleaned, skinned and roasting over the fire in no time at all. The dripping fat popped and sizzled as it hit the hot rocks. Nessie noticed Jake was having a hard time getting comfortable in Nahuel's hammock. It was much too small so he was sitting in it cross ways only partially reclined. She washed her hands in a pail of river water to remove any traces of her poisonous sweat and went to Jake as she dried her hands on her shorts. She adjusted the netting of the hammock, spreading it behind his back, and helped him get situated.

The two trees the hammock were suspended from bowed under his weight. Nessie tested the one at his head and determined it was strong enough to support her weight as well. She nimbly hopped into the tree and settled on a low branch just over Jake's head. She lounged on her tummy with her arms and legs hanging over opposite sides of the branch like a jungle cat. Occasionally Nessie would drop a leaf or a twig onto Jake's head. Jake would reach up and tickle the bottoms of her feet in retribution, making her twitch. Nahuel watched their playful teasing as he tended the fire and cooked the meat .

Nessie had been too stressed and too busy caring for Jake last night to even think about Nahuel. He looked quite a bit different than the way she remembered him. He no longer had the long braid down his back, in fact his hair was shorter than Jake's. It was buzzed on the sides and back and only slightly longer on top. He didn't seem nearly as tall, but that was probably because she had grown so much. Nessie was almost as tall as Nahuel, although not nearly as strong. The last time Nessie had seen Nahuel, he had been dressed in the traditional clothing of the Mapuche people. What he had on today looked like it came straight out of a backpacking catalog. In fact the tight green t-shirt that stretched across his chest had a "Newton's" logo on the front pocket. _How strange. Where did he get that shirt?_ His light tan cargo shorts rode low on his narrow hips and emphasized the dark brown skin of his thighs.

Nessie was surprised when she realized that Nahuel was actually extremely attractive. Jake was the only man she had seen in years that wasn't a relative. Without even realizing it, Nessie began to compare the two men.

Nahuel's face was exotic and beautiful, with almond shaped eyes and straight eyebrows. The bridge of his nose dipped slightly more than normal between his eyes but the effect was pleasing. His lips were firm and angular. The lower one protruded slightly and formed a straight line across his mouth. His face was perfectly neutral without a hint of a smile or a frown. Nahuel caught her staring at him and the neutral expression disappeared. His eyes lit up and the corners of his mouth curved into a hopeful smile. Nessie blushed and quickly looked away, focusing on Jake's familiar face.

Jake was more than just handsome. Michaelangelo would have been proud to have carved a face like Jacob's. Jake noticed her stare and grinned at her, revealing teeth that were perfectly straight and white. He reached up and grabbed her big toe, gently tugged at it and asked, "What are you thinking about Nessie? You look awful serious."

"Not much," Nessie lied. She pushed against the branch she was lying on, arching her back as she yawned. She swung one leg over the branch and sat up. "How are you doing Jake? Can I get you anything? Are you thirsty?"

"Actually, yeah I am really thirsty. Stay where you are, I can get it myself."

Nahuel was standing beside Jake with the battered canteen before either of them could move. He smiled kindly as he handed it to him. Jake mumbled, "thanks," but his expression was not one of gratitude. Nessie was a little annoyed by Jake's obvious lack of manners.

Nahuel returned to the fire and removed the roasted pig from the fire pit. He pulled off a huge chunk of steaming meat, placed it on a broad leaf and handed it to Jake. "Be careful, it is very hot."

Nessie saw Jake's jaw tighten as he clenched his teeth, but at least he managed a forced smile as he thanked Nahuel again. She was puzzled by Jake's barely concealed hostility. _What is his problem? Nahuel has been incredibly kind to both of us. He saved your life, Jake. The least you can do is be polite._ Nessie nudged the back of Jake's head with her foot and shot him a reproving glance when Nahuel turned away. Jake looked up at her and silently mouthed, "What?"

Nessie replied just as silently, "Be nice!"

Nessie was surprised when Nahuel pulled off another piece of roast portk and offered it to her. "Oh, no thank you Nahuel, I am still full."

"Nessie doesn't like human food." Jake explained with an honest smile. _Finally. _

"It is an aquired taste." Nahuel said as he popped a chunk of meat into his mouth.

Nessie made a face and pretended to gag. Both men laughed and continued to eat.

* * *

After the meal, which included another dose of Nahuel's home brewed jungle medicine, Jake was visibly stronger. He bluntly asked Nahuel to explain how he happened to find them, confessing that the entire Cullen clan had been searching for Nahuel and his sisters for years.

Nahuel looked instantly distraught as he ran his hand over his closely cropped hair. He frowned and pursed his lips looking directly at Nessie.

"After meeting your family and witnessing for you against the Volturi, I returned here with my aunt intending to resume living my life. It was impossible. I couldn't stop thinking about you..." Nahuel's gaze intensified as he locked onto her eyes. He seemed to be searching for an aswer to a question she hadn't heard yet. "I couldn't get over how deeply bonded you all were, how you were willing to die for one another."

"I realized just how empty and pointless my life was. How one day was identical to the next and the one before it. There was no purpose to my life and yet I would live forever. I have feelings of affection for my Aunt and my sis..." Nahuel's voice caught and he closed his eyes briefly as he cleared his throat. When he continued, his voice was low and rough.

"I desired to experience the kind of bond your family has. It seemed only the vampires that lived exclusively from the blood of animals had the ability to connect on that level. I determined that I would try your lifestyle and abstain from human blood. It was very difficult at first, but I have managed to survive quite well on animal flesh and blood. Huilen was not able to abstain and she knew that made it more difficult for me. We parted company under friendly circumstances, but rarely see each other anymore."

"I am not sure when the Volturi caught up with my father." Nahuel's eyes flashed and his nostrils flared with sudden and intense anger. "I thought they intended to kill him, but instead they asked him to join them. Apparently Aro was so fascinated by the possibility of procreation that he enlisted my father's help. He led the Volturi to my sisters. I can only hope he had no idea what Aro was planning.

Nahuel's voice cracked and his breathing increased. He ground his teeth and closed his eyes against some horrible memory as he fought to gain control of himself. He took a deep breath and continued.

"At first none of the Volturi could control themselves sufficiently to keep from killing the human women." Nahuel began to shake, his fists clenched so tightly the veins in his hands pulsed and his knuckles blanched to pure white. "Aro thought it would be 'helpful' to practice on sturdier females." Nahuel couldn't continue.

Jake growled, "That filthy son of a bitch!" his anger reaching the same level as Nahuel's. "When we get back to the compound, we'll figure out how to rescue them..."

Nahuel sighed in defeat. "That won't be necessary. All my sisters are dead, used up by Aro, Caius and the guard. Marcus was so disgusted by their depravity that he helped my youngest sister escape. That is how I know their story."

Nahuel closed his eyes and shuddered. "She was barely alive when she found me."

Nessie's eyes filled with tears and Jake reached out to wipe them away. Nessie blocked his arm, turned her face and whispered, "Poison, remember?" She brushed her tears away with her fingertips and then rubbed her hands vigorously on the front of her shirt. "Nahuel, what happened to your youngest sister? If she escaped, where is she?"

"She died in childbirth." Nahuel's voice sounded dead as well. _She was pregnant? _Nessie and Jake looked at each other, eyes wide with shock.

"And the child?" Jake asked.

"Dead." Nahuel looked at the ground, "He wasn't strong enough to tear his way out of his mother's body the way the rest of us did. My sister's half vampire body was too strong for the child to escape, but not strong enough to survive the ordeal." Nahuel turned his back on them and whispered, "She died in my arms, I didn't know how to help her."

Nessie was overcome with grief and sympathy for Nahuel. She closed the distance between them and tentatively placed her hand on his shoulder. Nahuel spun around and wrapped his arms around Nessie. She could feel his already pounding heart pick up speed as his body trembled against hers.

She was surprised and confused by Nahuel's strange reaction and wasn't sure what she should do. Nahuel whispered in her ear, "When I learned of my sisters' deaths, I began to worry about you." He pulled away from Nessie and gently wiped a tear from her cheek. Jake didn't make a sound, but Nessie saw his eyes narrow and the muscles of his jaw harden as he ground his teeth.

Nahuel's voice was low and gentle, as he continued. "I searched for you everywhere. Your family had already left Forks by the time I got there. I stole clothing and backpacking equipment to look like a tourist. I wanted to ask the humans where to find you. They were not helpful, no one would speak to me."

"I knew you had friends in Alaska so I went there next. It took me 3 weeks to find them, and even longer to convince them to tell me where you were. Tanya was very helpful." Nahuel smiled and looked at his feet as he ran his hand over the stubble on the back of his head. "She taught me many things... Things I needed to know so I could blend in with humans. It takes more than just a t-shirt and a backpack to get them to feel comfortable enough to talk. She also cut my hair."

Nahuel smiled shyly at Nessie, "I can't believe you were here in my jungle all this time and we just now found each other."

Jake maneuvered between them, pushing Nahuel out of the way in a less than subtle manner. "Well, it is a huge jungle and we are a small well hidden group." Jake said as he put his arm possessively around Nessie's shoulder. Jake sagged into her and Nessie realized that she needed to get him back to bed before he collapsed.

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**A/N All reviews are welcome, and highly motivating. Thanks to all who have subscribed to this story and added it to their favorites. It really makes me happy!**


	10. Slippery Situation

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I am still looking for a beta reader. I proof read and edit each chapter but still find errors each time I reread this story. I need help with basic proofreading (typos, spelling, and grammar). I also need help making sure my characters stay in character, that dramatic scenes don't become melodramatic, and that the story line makes sense. **

**If you are interested in becoming a Beta for this story or even just a chapter or two, please leave a review with a sample of how you would edit a paragraph or two of this story. Thank you again to all who have reviewed, and added me to your list of favorites. You are AWESOME!**

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Chapter 10

A Slippery Situation

"Nessie, you can't imagine how good that feels." Jake moaned as she slid her hands up the hard tight muscles of his back. She was straddled over the narrowest part of Jake's body as he lay face down on the ground, his head resting on a towel. Nessie supported her weight on her knees and hands. Just a few months ago her knees wouldn't have touched the ground. Nessie was certain she had reached her full adult height at last. She was much taller than her mother and her aunts. Nessie felt an intense pang of homesickness and pushed it away, burying it deep next to the other repressed feelings of guilt and remorse.

She turned her full attention back to Jake. "You still feel really tense, are you relaxing at all?" Nessie dipped her fingers into the salve Nahuel had made from rendered pig fat and medicinal plants. She rubbed it between her palms, liquefying the lard and neutralizing any residual venom on her hands. She put all her weight behind it as she kneaded his shoulders. The smelly salve was the only thing that stopped Jake's muscles from cramping. It had been a week since she had poisoned him and he still hadn't recovered completely. "I wish this stuff didn't stink so much, you smell like rancid bacon and medicine," Nessie grumbled. She missed the clean, woodsy scent of Jake and sighed.

"Yeah, it does stink pretty bad." Jake mumbled self consciously . "Maybe when Nahuel gets back tonight he can help me make it down to the river later and scrub it off."

Nessie froze as she was assaulted by the memory of Jake slipping under the surface of the river. "No Jake, please don't even think about it. Stay out of the river! You don't smell that bad, really." Her heart began to beat faster and she could feel the beginnings of a panic attack. Nessie focused on slowing her breathing so she wouldn't hyperventilate.

Jake rolled over beneath her. He casually placed his hands on her hips, curving his long fingers around her back as his thumbs rested on the top of her hip bones. Nessie's heart rate increased for a completely different reason. _Does he have any idea what that is doing to me? _

"Nessie calm down. I am not going to drown in the river." Distracted by the feel of Jake's warm hands on her body, she forgot all about the river. Her lips parted as she closed her eyes. She drew in a shaky breath and moaned involuntarily as she exhaled. When she opened her eyes, Jake was staring at her intently; his eyes suddenly wide and filled with... _What? What emotion is that? __Is it possible he's as __turned on as I am?_

Jake's expression quickly changed to the familiar teasing grin he wore most of the time, but she could hear his heart pounding. "You do realize that we are on the wrong side of the river, right? We're going to have to cross it at some point if we want to get back to the compound." Jake playfully swatted her backside, but let his hand linger for just a moment before he dropped it to the ground. He took a deep breath swelling his chest and drawing the muscles of his abdomen in tighter. He rolled back over onto his stomach and exhaled slowly with a sound somewhere between a moan and a sigh. "Do you mind rubbing my back a little more? It really helps me relax and I think I need a nap."

Nessie laughed to hide her disappointment. _I guess he isn't affected the same way after all. _"Jake, I wish you could see your back. It's completely covered with dirt and leaves. Did you forget you were completely coated with lard? No nap for you, buster. Not until I get you cleaned off." Nessie pushed Jake back to the ground as he tried to get up. "Oh no you don't. Stay right here, Nahuel taught me how to give sponge baths last week while you were sick."

Jake's whole body stiffened. "What?..." He twisted his head around looking at her out of the corner of his eye. "Sponge bath?"...

"How do you think I got your fever down? You were really sick, Jake. I guess you were too sick to remember me bathing you." Jake's eyebrows shot up and he twisted his shoulders trying to get a better look at her face. Nessie leaned toward him and whispered in his ear, "Now that you are conscious, you might actually enjoy it." She hopped up and disappeared briefly into the sweltering tent. A backward glance over her shoulder at Jake's face confirmed her suspicion that he was shocked by her mildly suggestive remark. _Geez! Jake I was only joking!_ She returned with a bar of homemade lye soap, a rag, and a towel which she handed to Jake.

Nessie took his hand and was pleased when he stood without much support. She grabbed a couple of buckets of water before she led him away from the camp site and into the forest a short distance. "I don't want to get the campsite all muddy, and it's going to take a lot of water to get you clean." Nessie explained as she gently pushed him down onto a fallen log.

"The water still smells a little like the river even though it was boiled last night. It might feel a little cold." Nessie grinned as she splashed some of the cold water over Jake's back. His gasp when the water hit him was very satisfying. She laughed softly, and tousled his hair. "Stop being such a baby."

Nessie folded the wet rag around the bar of soap and rubbed it into a thick lather. Jake sat perfectly still without speaking as she bathed him and washed his hair. The bucket of water looked like mud by the time Jake was finally clean. His skin and hair glowed from the scrubbing and he smelled like Jake again. Nessie filled her lungs with his scent and sighed as she toweled him dry.

On the way back to camp, a slight breeze stirred the the vines and leaves on the lower branches of the trees. It also revealed a new scent. Nessie was suddenly embarrassed as she realized that Jake smelled considerably better than she did. She had washed her hands and face everyday, but she had been too busy taking care of Jake to go to the trouble of doing anything else. Nessie tried to stay upwind of Jake, but the changing direction of the fickle breeze made it difficult.

As soon as they got back to camp, Nessie added a few logs to the fire and coaxed the coals into a small blaze. Jake, smiled at her but didn't say anything as he climbed into the hammock. Even though they had only walked a short distance, it was obvious it had exhausted Jake. She watched him with concern as he arranged his huge frame in the hammock. As soon as he began to snore, Nessie took off for the river. She cleaned and refilled the buckets then quickly returned to camp. It made her nervous to be away from him even for such a short time. She set the buckets on the edge of the fire pit to boil.

Nessie checked on Jake and was pleased to see he was still sleeping soundly. He looked so childlike and innocent. His mouth was slightly parted and completely relaxed as his chest expanded rhythmically with each breath. He had one arm crossed carelessly over his chest and the other over his stomach. His long legs hung over opposite sides of the hammock, with his feet resting on the ground. Jake twitched as he dreamed and the corners of his mouth curved up into a sensual smile. Nessie nearly melted when he murmured her name; filling her heart with love and joy so intense she could barely contain it.

Once the water had boiled and cooled Nessie started scrubbing her hair with the lye soap. The warm water and rich lather felt so good against her scalp. She was surprised when the soap stung her eyes. She wasn't usually bothered by such things, but she had never gotten lye soap in her eyes before either.

With her eyes squeezed shut Nessie was startled when Jake came up behind her, gently grasped her wrist and took the soap away from her. He didn't say a word as he lathered her arms and legs with firm smooth strokes. She held her breath as Jake slipped his hands under her shirt and tenderly washed her back. When his hands moved to her stomach she began to tremble.

Nessie was afraid Jake would take that as a signal to stop, but he continued alternating between her back and stomach. The pleasure of his hands sliding over her soapy skin was intoxicating and like any drug, it was also addicting. She soon found that it wasn't enough to have his hands on her back and stomach. She wanted to feel his hands all over her. She wanted to feel every bit of Jake under her hands as well. The desire was so powerful it made her entire body ache. When his hands began to caress her shoulder blades, Nessie instinctively turned around and placed her hands on Jake's chest over his heart - which skipped a beat - before it started to hammer under her palms. She was sure she had crossed the line that time, but instead of pushing her away, Jake slowly slid one hand over her erratic heart as well. His splayed fingers rested on the swell of her breasts above her bra as his thumb traced the lace along the lower edge. He slid his other hand around her back and circled each vertebrae as he worked his way up to her neck. He cupped the back of her head trapping her short wet curls between his fingers and gently pulled her back - forcing her to look into his eyes. He carefully slid his other hand down the center of her chest and onto her tummy. He traced around her belly button slowly before sliding his hand across her waist and under her hips. He pulled her tightly against his body, and lifted her off her feet. The wet soapy fabric of her shirt slid over his hard sculpted muscles as she settled into place.

Nessie felt like she was on fire and only Jake could stop the burn. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Jake's eyes were lit from within, and she could sense a wild, barely restrained, power behind them. When he began to tremble, she briefly wondered if she should be afraid of him phasing. Instead, she wound her fingers into his hair, and pulled his face closer to her own. When his lips were only inches from hers, he whispered, "Poison, remember."

Nessie froze, appalled by how easily she had forgotten what just one wet kiss could do to Jake. "Oh Jake, I'm so sorry."

"Me too." Jake looked like he might throw up.

Nessie hopped down and began to search for signs of swelling or a rash. "Did I get any venom on you? Do you feel any burning or itching anywhere?"

Jake looked disgusted and Nessie felt a wave of rejection and humiliation wash over her. She pushed her feelings away so she could focus on Jake's health. "Sit down Jacob, I'll go get your medicine."

"There isn't any medicine for the way I feel." Jake groaned as she pushed him down onto the chair-like, twisted root of a large tree, and dropped his head into his hands.

Nessie fought the urge to panic, but her voice shook anyway, "Jake, please tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know what happened."

"You want to know what happened?" Jake was shaking and Nessie wondered again if he might phase. She took a step back and watched Jake's expression change from rage to grief. "I turned into a sick, twisted, pervert, that's what happened." Jake lurched to his feet and threw up behind a bush. Nessie was shocked as she realized Jake was upset because some part of him still thought of her as a child.

Nessie wanted to comfort Jacob. She also wanted to beat him over the head with a stick until he could admit that no part of her was still a child. "Jake, can we please talk about this?"

"There is nothing to talk about. I have to leave, or you do, or maybe you should just go with Nahuel." Jake was rambling, not making any sense.

"Jake, you have to talk to me. You owe me that much. Do you really want me to believe that just the thought of touching me makes you vomit?" She knew it was a cheap shot, but she also knew that if she didn't get him to talk, she would lose him.

Nessie tried to place a comforting hand on Jake's shoulder, but he moved before she could touch him. "I am not a child Jake. Look at me, name one thing that is childish about me." Jake refused to look at her.

"Alright then, don't look at me, but will you at least listen to me? Hear me out?" He nodded.

"Jake, you are upset because you can't escape the paradigm of your old human life. You are still clinging to a belief system that no longer applies. If we were both human, you never would have noticed me at all, much less fallen in love with me. You do love me don't you Jake?" He sighed and nodded again.

Nessie continued, "Earthly time is a mortal phenomenon. We are not mortals Jake, nor are we human. Time is meaningless for us."

"Do you remember how you explained imprinting using Claire and Quil as examples?"

Jake groaned, "It's not the same! Claire is human." _Exactly! Now hold on to that thought._"

"I know, but remember how you explained that Quil couldn't fall in love with Claire until she was absolutely, one hundred percent ready for an 'adult' relationship?"

Jake finally looked at her, but his expression was wary.

"Am I correct when I assume you were referring to a physically intimate relationship?

Jake swallowed loudly and nodded.

Nessie continued, "So it's kind of a safety switch. Quil can't get turned on until Claire does." Jake wrinkled his nose and frowned in disapproval. "I swear Jake, you are such a prude!"

I know my development has been disorienting lately since it has happened so quickly. It's more than just physical and mental benchmarks, more than the fact that my brain is fully myelinated. It's much more than the number of days I have been on the planet. Something happened to me in the River after I bit you.

I changed Jake, for the first time in my life, someone else was more important than me. I would have died to save you. When you were convulsing and burning up with fever, I wanted to trade places with you. I wanted to take your suffering away. It hurt me to see you in pain like that. Especially since I caused it." Nessie's voice broke as she felt the guilt break through her emotional barriers.

"It hurts me now to see you suffer because of something that should by all rights give you nothing but joy and pleasure." Nessie's eyes filled with tears and her voice was low and husky. "I can't stand to keep hurting you Jake. I want nothing more than to be as close to you as I can. But I won't touch you again until you ask me, even if you are being absurdly ridiculous. I thought some of the old boundaries could come down since my venomous nature has created an entirely new set of boundaries. Again, completely my fault."

Jake disagreed, "Nessie, it wasn't your fault. I offered my blood to you willingly. Neither of us knew about the venom. You have to stop feeling so guilty about that." _At least he is talking to me._

She laughed humorlessly, "I'll make you a deal Jake, I'll stop feeling guilty about poisoning you when you stop feeling guilty for loving me."

"I don't regret loving you Nessie, I just can't... I mean... You are still so young..."

"No I'm not Jake, I know the difference between how I was before and after the river. I wish you could understand. That experience changed me."

"Nessie, I know you are an adult mentally, emotionally, and definitely physically. But regardless of what happened in the river, you really haven't been on the planet long enough to have all the experiences you need to be able to make an informed decision about... umm... you know..."

"Good grief Jacob! You can't even say the word 'sex' in front of me, and you think you're the adult? Besides, we can't have sex without it killing you! We can't even kiss. We didn't do anything for you to feel guilty about."

"You don't understand Nessie. It's not so much what we did, as it was my reaction to it." Jake blushed and the effect would have been charming if the situation weren't so ridiculous and frustrating.

"I don't believe this! You are beating yourself up - to the point of it making you vomit - because you were aroused?"

"Nessie please, I don't want to talk about it." Jake looked miserable and Nessie felt her frustration dissolve as she realized that whether it was ridiculous or not, Jake was suffering.

"I am sorry if it makes you 'uncomfortable' to talk to me about sex, I only want to ease your conscience. There is no need for all this angst."

Jake closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, disagreeing with her reasoning.

"I am not trying to force you into an 'adult' relationship. Even though I am 'one hundred percent, no doubt about it ready for one.' You have waited years for me to grow up. I guess I can wait a few years for you as well."

Jake looked at her with a little less guilt and a little more hope in his eyes. "You would do that? Wait for me?"

Nessie sighed. "Of course Jacob, I love you and I want you to be happy. Just tell me what you want, how much contact is OK? Or are you completely off limits? I need some guidelines, or boundaries or something."

"I think that is how things got out of hand today. I had been thinking about our imprinting discussion and about your questions. You know, about if Quil could be a boyfriend or something before Clair was ready for an 'adult' relationship." Jake looked up at her, his eyes full of tenderness and love. "I thought I could be that for you. I wanted to be your boyfriend. I thought I could control myself better than..."

Nessie could tell Jake was dangerously close to slipping back into a guilt ridden depression. "Jake, if you were trying to be a teenage boyfriend, you failed miserably. A teenage boyfriend with a willing partner would not have stopped at anything, not even the threat of being poisoned." Nessie laughed with relief when Jake smiled and laughed out loud.

"So my love, what are the rules? Are you my boyfriend? Can I hug you once in a while? Kiss you with my mouth tightly closed and lips dry?"

Jake was finally smiling for real, the corners of his eyes crinkling with mirth and his wide grin revealing most of his perfect teeth.

"I would love to be your boyfriend Nessie." Jake paused, "I think I better be your Baptist or Mormon boyfriend though. Lots of rules and not much touching or kissing." Nessie wasn't sure if Jake was explaining the boundaries, or just teasing.

She smiled back at him with a mischievous grin. "Maybe you could be my Catholic boyfriend and we can go to confession once a week."

Jake laughed, "I don't think it works like that."

"Yeah, well it was worth a try. Come on, lets get rinsed off, this soap is starting to itch."

* * *

**A/N I dated plenty of Mormons, Baptists and Catholics and I didn't notice much difference. They all behaved pretty much the same. I already know I'm more than a little cynical. Please don't send me messages defending your religion. It's only a story anyway.**


	11. Betrayal

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A special thank you to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter. It really helps to have a fresh pair of eyes when editing!**

Chapter 11: Betrayal

"Nahuel, what kind of a game are you playing? Why haven't you shown me where to find the plants I need to make Jake's medicine?" They had been hiking for hours and Nessie was getting annoyed. It never took Nahuel this long to gather the medicinal plants on his own.

Nahuel sighed with frustration, "It's not much further Nessie. Please try to be patient. Do not ruin it."

_Don't ruin it? Don't ruin what? _Nessie was suddenly suspicious. "What are you talking about Nahuel."

"I have a surprise for you." Nahuel ducked his head and looked up at her shyly as he reached for her hand.

Nessie recoiled from his unexpected advance and gasped. "I don't like being lied to."

A flash of anger crossed Nahuel's face but it quickly disappeared behind a mask of emotionless indifference. "I am sorry I had to mislead you, but I didn't think you would leave Jacob alone at camp if I had told you the truth."

Nessie felt her temper rise and had to struggle to remain calm. "You got that right." She turned around to head back to camp and felt Nahuel's hand grip her arm. His grasp was uncomfortably firm and it surprised her. Anger was replaced with trepidation as she realized too late that she really didn't know anything about Nahuel.

She had dismissed the uncomfortable feelings she had when she caught him staring at her. After all, he had saved Jacob's life and continued to help her take care of him. He spent hours everyday searching for her family, brewing medicine and cooking meat for Jake. Still, it had not been wise to follow him so far into the jungle alone. The pressure of his hand on her arm was an unpleasant reminder of his superior strength.

"Let go of me right now." She tried to sound confident and assertive, but her shaking voice betrayed her.

Nahuel loosened his grip on her arm just enough to slide his hand down to her wrist. He pulled her forward as if she were a pouting toddler, practically dragging her behind him. Nessie was so shocked and confused by his aggressive behavior she followed with out further struggle.

Nahuel pulled a curtain of vines out of the way revealing a clear freshwater pool beneath a small waterfall. The pool was natural, but the stonework surrounding it was not. He led her to a stone bench and pushed her gently but firmly down on it and sat beside her. There was a stack of folded towels, several hotel sized bottles of shampoo, and a bar of soap at the end of the bench. _Where did he get this stuff? Surely it didn't all come out of his backpack?_

Nessie shivered in shock and fear as Nahuel began to tentatively caress her back. _What is he doing? Why is he doing this? _ Obviously mistaking her fearful trembling as desire, he swooped her up into his arms and carried her into the pool. _This isn't right. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't want this. I don't want HIM! I want Jacob. _

She whimpered quietly as her mind began to disassociate from what was happening.Nessie felt as if she were floating above her body, disconnected and numb. She watched as Nahuel began to lather her arms with soap. The memory of Jake's hands caressing her reconnected her mind to her body like a lightening bolt. She clawed and pushed against Nahuel's chest trying to escape, but he only laughed at her.

"Aahh... Tanya likes to play rough too." Nahuel grinned at her lasciviously as he ripped her shirt off.

Nessie's earsplitting scream startled Nahuel and she took advantage of his momentary distraction to attack. She smashed her elbow into his throat and followed with a knee to the groin. She ran from the pool without looking back. She didn't get far before she heard him behind her, crashing through the undergrowth of the jungle. She knew she couldn't outrun him and didn't think she had much chance of fighting him with out the element of surprise. She wasn't going to let him have his way with out a struggle, and maybe if she could get just a little closer to camp, Jake would hear her screams and... _and what? Come to her rescue in his weakened state. What would Nahuel do to him? Kill him immediately or bite him and make her watch him die slowly? _

Nessie was overcome with fury. She stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face Nahuel. To her astonishment. Nahuel stopped and stared at her with out advancing. He looked miserable. Nessie's eyes narrowed and her lips curled back over her teeth. She could taste the venom pooling in her mouth as she prepared to attack.

"Nessie, wait. I'm sorry, I thought you would like the pool. You seemed to enjoy it when Jacob bathed you..."

Nessie's low growl crescendoed into a roar as she launched herself at Nahuel. The force of her attack propelled them both to the ground as Nessie pummeled him with her fists. "You spied on us? You make me sick! Why would you think I would enjoy being kidnapped and raped?

"I didn't mean to frighten you or make you angry. I only wanted a chance to show you how I could make you happy. I have done nothing but dream of you ever since I met you."

"I was only 6 months old you creep." Nessie felt the urge to rip his throat out.

"That didn't seem to stop Jacob." She felt her palm stinging before she even realized she had slapped him. "That's different," she hissed.

"I waited for you to grow up." His eyes flashed with indignation. "You are not a child any longer. I can make you happy Renesmee. Your kisses won't kill me. If you would just give me a chance I could teach you many wonderful..."

She slapped him again. "The only thing I'm interested in learning from you is how to make Jake's medicine."

Nahuel sighed in defeat. "He only needed medicine for the first day. I have been dosing him with tranquilizers to keep him calm and sleepy."

Nessie felt as if he had punched her in the stomach. "Why would you do that?"

"I owe Jacob an apology as well, if you let me up, we can go back to camp and I will confess all my sins."

"There's more?" Nessie asked, her voice harsh with condemnation, as she released him.

"Yes." Nahuel closed his eyes and whispered, "much more."

They were not quite half way back to camp when a low growl froze Nahuel in his tracks and filled Nessie's heart with joy.

"Jacob!" She ran as fast as she could toward the sound, leaping over tangled roots and ducking below low hanging vines and branches. He was standing with his head low and panting, the corners of his mouth flecked with foam.

Nessie burst into tears and threw her arms around his thick furry neck. "Oh Jake, are you okay? You shouldn't have phased while you are still so weak." He whined pitifully as he sniffed her bare shoulders. Nessie stiffened as she realized she was standing there in nothing but her shorts and a bra; her shirt, torn to shreds, was abandoned back at the pool. Nessie pressed her palms to Jake's head and showed him what had happened. His growling became so fierce it was deafening as he began to sniff the ground seeking Nahuel's scent.

"Remember he has more information Jake, so don't hurt him. Not yet anyway." Nessie cautioned as she led him back to Nahuel.

Jake growled, and snapped his teeth at Nahuel when he came into view. Nahuel crouched into a defensive stance. "I think you better lead the way into camp, Nahuel. Jake isn't in a very good mood." Nessie's voice was thick with sarcasm.

Nessie was exhausted and relieved when they finally arrived at camp. Nahuel hadn't spoken a single word during the trek back. Jake had whined several times and nuzzled Nessie's hands, back and shoulders as they walked. He also growled and snapped at Nahuel every time he caught him looking at her.

"Sit." Nessie spat at Nahuel and pointed to a spot on the ground. "Jake why don't you phase back so we can talk. Nahuel will behave himself now. Won't you Nahuel." There was no mistaking the threat behind her words. Nahuel only looked at the ground and nodded.

Jake whined and pawed at a scrap of fabric on the ground. "Awe crap Jake, is that all that's left of your shorts?"

Jake sank to the ground resting his head on his giant paws. He looked up at her with sad liquid eyes and huffed softly.

"It's okay, Jake. I won't look, we need to be able to talk to you."

Nahuel groaned in disgust. Nessie and Jake both glared at him and Nessie demanded. "What is your problem?"

"I have no desire to sit around the campfire and pretend I don't see you sneaking peeks at Jacob's naked body."

Jake and Nessie both growled at him. Nahuel only rolled his eyes. "I have a pair of sweatpants in my backpack. They are yours if you want them."

Jake rose to his feet and growled a warning at Nahuel as he crept into the tent. The air shimmered as Jake phased. Nessie couldn't help inhaling quickly at the sight of Jake in what was left of Nahuel's sweatpants. He had hacked them off and split the sides so he could squeeze his legs into the skin tight fabric. The effect was incredibly sexy. Jake tossed a bright blue t-shirt at Nessie and glared at Nahuel till he lowered his eyes in submission and defeat. Nessie hated the scent of Nahuel that permeated the shirt, but slipped it on immediately.

Jake climbed into the hammock and pulled Nessie onto his lap. She snuggled into his chest but then hopped up in a panic as she felt a trickle of sweat run down her back. "Are you okay Jake, did I get any sweat on you?"

Nahuel laughed inappropriately and without humor. "It isn't a problem anymore. Once Jake's body expelled the last of the venom, the slight amount you produce can not affect him. I don't recommend biting him again, that would be ill advised." He snorted in disgust. "Anything else you want to do should be fine."

Nessie narrowed her eyes and glared at him. "Is that the truth Nahuel? Or are you only hoping I'll kill him with a kiss?" She was not about to trust him.

Jake pulled Nessie back onto his lap, placed his hand on her cheek, and gently coaxed her mouth open with his thumb. He slipped the tip of his finger into her mouth and ran it over and under her tongue. He pulled it out and they both stared at it, waiting for a reaction.

Nahuel groaned out loud. "That could have been incredibly hot, if you two weren't so weird."

Nessie found herself alone in the hammock bouncing up and down violently; the two support trees flexing and bowing with the sudden change in weight. Jake had his hands around Nahuel's throat and was seconds away from phasing. "Jacob, No!" Nessie shouted. "We need to find out what else he's done."

"What else could he have done that would be worse than his voyeuristic spying, kidnapping and attempted rape?"

"What if he knows why my family hasn't found us yet?"

Jake didn't release his hold, but Nahuel was able to nod affirmatively when questioned.

"Start explaining." Jake growled as he dumped Nahuel unceremoniously onto the ground and returned to the hammock pulling Nessie onto his lap for the third time.

"What I told you the day after I saved you from the river, is mostly true. I had been searching for Renesmee and I did fear for her safety. What I failed to mention was that I also desired to find her and make her my mate." Jake growled and tensed to attack but Nessie calmed him with a touch of her palm to his cheek and images of her family.

"It is also true that Aro is responsible for the deaths of my sisters." Nahuel sighed and looked at Nessie with sadness. She glared back at him, before snuggling even closer into Jake's chest. Nahuel exhaled loudly and continued.

"When Renesmee shared her gift with me and showed me how you both nearly drowned, I caught glimpses of her overprotective and controlling family. She also revealed her deep and passionate love for you." Nahuel scowled at Jake. "I knew the only chance I had to win her heart was if I found a way to lessen her dependence on you, and keep her away from her meddlesome family. When I discovered Nessie had bitten you, I thought of a way to break your hold on her with out actually killing you."

This time Jake had to restrain Nessie.

"When you had an allergic reaction to her venomous tears, it seemed like a sign from the gods. I knew I only had a few days before you healed so I devised a plan to keep you drugged and weak. I hoped that Renesmee's desire for a physical relationship would lead her to me when she believed it would be impossible to make love with you."

"I did not intend to witness your intimate moments playing with the soap, but I saw enough to realize Nessie found it pleasurable." They both glared at him with disgust.

"When I told you I was searching for signs of the Cullen's I was actually preparing the pool as a surprise for Renesmee."

Nahuel shifted his gaze to Nessie and spoke directly to her. "I am so sorry I misinterpreted your reactions at the pool. I am not very experienced in the matters of physical love. Until I met Tanya I had no experience at all. She is very experienced and taught me many games. I did not know for certain until you slapped me that it was not a game to you. The brief flashes of fear you projected broke my heart." Nahuel dropped his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand. Nessie's heart was not softened by his tears, they only increased her anger. She could tell Jake wasn't feeling any sympathy either.

"If you are telling the truth, my father will know it. It might be enough to save your miserable life, but I can't guarantee it." Nessie narrowed her eyes and demanded, "enough of your excuses, tell us how you deceived my family. Why haven't they found us yet?"

Nahuel took a deep breath and continued, "That first night, while Jake was so ill and you were so preoccupied caring for him, I went back to the river and searched for your trail. I stayed in the water to keep my scent hidden and searched upstream till I found it.

"when I saw Jacob's shirt, hanging in a low branch, I knew I was at the right place. Finding his shirt gave me an idea. I was able to retrieve it without leaving the water.

"I left the scent of your trail undisturbed, hoping your family would find it. I knew they would not stop looking for you unless they were certain you had perished." Nessie's eyes filled with tears as she imagined the anguish her family must be suffering.

"To keep my scent off the river bank, I swam up a tributary stream for several miles before I ever left the water. I hiked through the jungle till I found another stream that would lead me to my destination. Below the great falls there is a large tree wedged between two boulders with many branches above the surface of the river. I placed Jake's ragged shirt on one of the branches as well as several strands of your matted hair." Nahuel ran a hand over his head as a slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"The most difficult part of the entire caper was erasing the trail from the river to my camp. I knew that unless it rained soon, someone would discover your scent. It was especially strong on the riverbank where I found you. I spent hours washing away all traces of your scent and his stench." Nahuel wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I lost count of how many buckets of water I hauled." Nahuel managed to look repentant even as he bragged about his betrayal. "There could be no doubt in anyone's mind that you both were victims of the river."

Nessie's eyes widened in surprise, Nahuel froze, and Jake smiled at him with undisguised malice as the distant howl of a wolf echoed faintly through the jungle.

**A/N Many thanks to all that have reviewed this story. Please continue to let me know what you think, point out any errors, and ask for clarification. This chapter was a direct result of readers reviews questioning why the Cullen's hadn't found them yet.**

**Be sure to read the companion one shot "Death of a Dream"-- The story of Nahuel's disastrous attempt to seduce Renesmee, told from his point of view.**


	12. Search and Rescue

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Search and Rescue**

"Pulling us out of the river bought you about a twenty minute head start, so unless you want to be eviscerated by a pack of angry wolves, I suggest you get a move on."

Jake's eyes were squinted so tightly they were mere slits beneath his furrowed brow. Nessie knew he wouldn't phase with her sitting in his lap, but she could feel him trembling as he fought to remain in control. She didn't like the idea of just letting Nahuel go, but didn't want to witness his violent death either.

Nahuel merely nodded once at Jake, gazed at Nessie with longing, then turned away and ran toward the river without looking back.

Nessie felt Jake's body relax as Nahuel disappeared into the jungle foliage. She began to caress his face with her fingertips smoothing away the last of the worried lines etched into the corners of his eyes.

"Jake, what's going on?"

Jake absently ran one hand over Nessie's back and shoulders while the other rested on her knee. She sighed as she leaned into his chest and felt the steady beat of his heart against her ribs. The late afternoon sun sent shafts of golden light across the camp, saturating all the colors of the jungle and highlighting the coppery glow of Jake's skin against the subtle sparkle of Nessie's. He gently rocked the hammock back and forth as he explained.

"I was sound asleep in the hammock when I heard you scream. I was immediately wide awake but disoriented so I sort of panicked when I realized you weren't back yet. I guess the adrenalin in my system countered the sedative Nahuel's been brewing cause I phased without even trying. Um... that's why my shorts were shredded." Jake paused and kissed the top of her head.

"When I phased, I immediately connected with Leah, Seth, Embry and Quil. Apparently we have been the subject of a massive search and rescue operation." Nessie pulled back slightly so she could see Jake's face better. "Your folks called Leah and asked for help when they couldn't find our trail. Apparently a localized rain shower soaked the compound and surrounding area just after we left. Most of our trail was washed away. It's quite a story, but I didn't catch all of it so I'll let them tell it when they get here."

"Leah and Seth should arrive first since they are the closest." Nessie felt Jake's heart rate increase as he placed his hands on her cheeks. "We don't have much time."

Nessie was going to ask "_Not much time for what?"_ but the look in Jake's eyes stopped her.

The corner of his mouth turned up into a seductive half smile as he tilted her face and leaned in for the sweetest of kisses. His mouth was soft and gentle and extremely sensual. When he started to deepen the kiss, Nessie reluctantly pulled back and scrutinized Jake's expression. "Jake, I don't want you to do anything that will make you feel guilty."

He looked deeply into her eyes and promised, "I won't."

He leaned in again to kiss her, but Nessie placed her fingertips on his lips when they were just inches from hers and whispered, "You won't what? Do anything? or feel guilty about it later?" She hated to jeopardize the mood, but needed to be sure she wasn't misinterpreting his behavior. There had been enough of that already today.

He answered her question by pulling her hand away from his mouth and kissing each of her fingertips. He wrapped his large warm hand around hers and held it next to his heart. This time when his mouth moved against hers, she didn't resist. Slowly and deliberately his tongue traced the line where her lips met, gently coaxing them apart. She moaned involuntarily as Jake slipped his tongue into her mouth. He tasted sweet and salty, similar to the way he smelled. She couldn't get enough. Her tongue slid past his and she inhaled sharply as he gently sucked it further into his mouth.

She wasn't sure just how they accomplished it without breaking the kiss, but she was suddenly lying on top of him, the hammock gently rocking with an ancient rhythm. The support ropes creaked as they rubbed against the tree trunks. Jake's hands slowly moved down the sides of her body and rested gently on her hips, leaving behind a trail of spreading heat. Nessie's hands were shaking as she began to explore Jake's beautifully sculpted body. She started at his incredibly wide shoulders and slid her hands slowly down his chest and back up to his face.

Her heart and mind were at war with her body. She knew if she didn't make a decision soon, there would be no decision left to make. It took all her willpower to break the kiss and push away from him. Jake grasped her ribs and lifted her into a sitting position then slid his hands under her shirt and up her back. What was left of her willpower disappeared completely as Jake's hands skimmed lightly over her. Nessie could feel his increasing desire as his eyes followed the path of his hands. He slipped his thumbs inside the hem of her shirt and lifted it slowly, locking his eyes onto hers. She arched her back as he slid the shirt over her head and let it fall to the ground. His hands were trembling as he trailed his fingertips from her shoulders, to her collarbone and over the curve of her breasts. Jake had already seen her in nothing but her bra. But this was different. Very different.

He slid his hands to her back and fumbled with the clasp on her bra. Nessie was surprised at his apparent clumsiness. Jake was incredibly gifted when working with his hands. His carvings and figurines required serious amounts of dexterity and skill. She realized that he had never done this before, he was as inexperienced as she was. Somehow this knowledge made her bolder. She leaned forward and explored his rock hard abs with her fingertips. She felt the outline of each muscle as she worked her way lower. When her fingers rested against the top of his shorts, she traced the line hesitantly and slipped her fingers just inside the waistband at his hips. Jake froze and dropped his hands to her waist. He sat up as she quickly rolled off of him and climbed out of the hammock.

Nessie was instantly consumed with guilt. She was so afraid of Jake's reaction she couldn't bring herself to look at him. _How could I do this to him again! I promised. I can't believe I am so selfishly hedonistic._

Jake's voice was gentle, low and husky. "Renesmee, look at me."

She reluctantly lifted her eyes just enough to peek at him from under her lashes and was shocked by the look on his face.

He was smiling, and he looked... _happy? No, not just happy, he looked blissed out. Completely and totally buzzed._

He looked her body up and down as he leaned over and picked up her shirt. He smiled his sexy crooked grin and apologized as he shook it off. "Sorry, I shouldn't have let it fall in the dirt. I'll be more careful next time."

_Next time? He's thinking about a next time? _He reached out for her hand and pulled her forward till she was standing between his knees. His look changed to one of concern and Nessie's heart sank. _Here comes the guilt._

"Nessie, are you okay? Was _that _okay? Am I moving too fast for you?"

"Jake, I'm a little confused. No wait, I'm actually a LOT confused. What's changed since the other day when making out with me was making you vomit?"

"I'm sorry Nessie, I guess I'm a little confused too. It's just that, well... it suddenly seemed like the _right_ thing to do. I should have checked with you first, made sure it's still what you want. If I went too far, just..."

"Does it still seem like the right thing to do?" Nessie interrupted him as her heart rate increased.

"Oh, yeah, it most definitely does." His voice was as seductive as his crooked smile and heavy lidded eyes. "You didn't answer my question."

"Nothing has changed for me Jacob, I still want as much of you as you are willing to give."

He kissed her palm, and then her wrist as he pulled her into his lap. Nessie sat motionless, and watched as his kisses progressed up her arm. His eyes never left hers as she fought to remain in control of her unruly body. When his lips reached the sensitive skin inside her elbow, she gasped in surprise at the unexpected pleasure. She wrapped her fingers in his hair and tried to pull his head up for another kiss. She could feel the deep rumble in his chest as he laughed softly and refused to be rushed.

It was torture, it was bliss, it was perfect. When his lips reached the spot just below her ear. He whispered, "Put your shirt on sweetheart, they're almost here."

"Do you have any idea what you are doing to me Jacob Black?" Nessie sighed as she slipped her shirt over her head.

He laughed quietly again, and whispered seductively, "I certainly hope so!"

He lifted her off his lap and playfully swatted her backside as her feet hit the ground.

* * *

Leah, and Seth were the first to arrive. Nessie expected them to phase into their human form, but Jake was in full Alpha mode and commanded them to follow Nahuel's trail and "encourage" him to keep running till he left the country. Leah bared her teeth and growled as she took off with her nose to the ground. Seth barked once and bounded off after her.

The jungle began to shake as Emmett roared into camp trailing broken vines, leaves, and other jungle debris. He scooped Nessie up in a bear hug, swung her around in a circle, and shouted with joy. "NESSIE!" Emmett paused and looked over his shoulder into the jungle and called, "Rose, they're here! Hurry up!" He held Nessie at arms length and exclaimed, "Look at you girl! You're all grown up! What happened to my skinny little spider?... And what the hell happened to your hair?"

Nessie laughed and smacked him on the chest, "I see you haven't learned any manners in my absence."

Emmett just laughed and tried to tousle what was left of her hair, but she dodged him skillfully. She immediately gravitated to Jacob's side and resumed her place beneath his protective arm. Jake leaned over and planted a kiss on the side of her head and then playfully nipped at her ear, making her giggle. Emmett's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but for once he didn't say anything.

Rosalie and Embry were the next to enter the camp and Rose was not happy about being left behind by Emmett. She smacked the back of his head and growled at him, "What part of 'wait for me' do you not understand?"

"Awe, come on Babe, I was just anxious to see Nessie; make sure she was okay, you know?" He grabbed Rose, pulled her into his embrace, and kissed her soundly. Rosalie didn't put up a fight for long.

Jake, rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath, "Geez, get a room."

"I heard that Jacob." Rose growled, and extricated herself from Emmett's grasp long enough to give Nessie a hug and a kiss. "Oh, Nessie! What happened to your hair?"

"Good grief people, it's just hair! It will grow back!" She didn't mean to snap at Rose, but she was getting more than a little annoyed with everyone's concern for her hair. Especially when there were so many other, more important things that needed to be explained.

"Where is everyone else? Are they coming too?" Nessie was anxious to see the rest of her family.

Rose and Emmett exchanged a knowing glance and the expression on their faces immediately had her worried. "Nessie, we were afraid that you had been kidnapped by the Volturi." Rose looked at the ground as she continued, "The rest of the family is in Europe trying to find you."

Emmett interrupted her and complained, "Yeah, they get to go where all the action is and fight with the Nomadic and European rebels, while I have to stay here and try to find your trail, sniffing around like a dog...Um no offense guys...what I mean is... I would rather be fighting..."

"It isn't supposed to be a fight, Emmett. It is supposed to be a diplomatic and stealthy mission. Let's face it Honey, you are neither stealthy nor diplomatic." Rose commented as she plucked a trailing vine out of Emmett's hair.

"What are you talking about?" Nessie demanded, "You are making it sound like we are in the middle of a war."

Rose sighed and sadly said, "Nessie, there is a war going on. It has been building for quite a while but only recently has it gotten serious. Just two weeks before you left, Edward, Bella and Alice received formal "invitations" to join the Volturi. Since the summons arrived at the town house we knew they had a good idea of where we were. We assumed the Volturi kidnapped you to try to force us to fight on their on side. As you know, Alice has a hard time seeing more than just a few hours ahead into your future, but since she couldn't see you at all we knew you were with Jacob. Again we assumed it was part of the Volturi strategy to keep Alice blind."

"But they are on their way home, right? You called them and told them you found us, didn't you?" Nessie felt her stomach twist with anxiety.

Rose looked at her with pity and said, "They stopped answering their phones two days ago. That's why Esme and Carlisle are on their way to Europe right now."

Nessie sagged against Jake's body as her vision dimmed around the edges. "This is all my fault. I was stupid and selfish and now..."

"We don't know why they aren't answering their phones, Nessie." Emmett tried to interrupt her panic attack. "Maybe they just had to turn them off to... to you know, be stealthy or something."

Jake ran his hand through Nessie's curls and soothed, "It's not your fault, Sweetheart..."

Nessie refused to be comforted. "Cut it out Jake, it is my fault and I'm not going to sit around waiting for someone else to fix it. I'm going to Italy and get my family back."

"Nessie, we can't go to Italy. It won't help your family if you're captured." Jake's face turned green, "Remember what Nahuel said about how Aro was using his sisters? I can't risk that."

"He's right Nessie, you can't go and neither can he. Even if both packs went, the wolves wouldn't last one hour in Italy. They would be outnumbered fifty to one." Rose agreed with Jake.

"Jacob, did you know about this... this war?" Nessie could feel her temper rising.

"Yes, but I didn't tell you anything because your family didn't want you to worry about it." Nessie started to protest, but Jake didn't let her interrupt. " And... you were much younger just a couple of days ago. I agreed with your folks then, but now that you are an adult, you shouldn't be protected from bad news. You deserve the truth and I won't hide it from you again.

"I had no idea about the draft notice Alice, Edward, and Bella received. I guess there are some things that don't get shared with werewolves either." Jake looked at Rose and Emmett pointedly.

Rose smiled as she answered his accusation, "You know how it is, the main way information gets leaked... telephone, telegraph and tell-a-wolf. We couldn't risk it."

Nessie was still worried sick about the rest of her family, but since Emmett and Rose didn't seem worried, she decided to remain hopeful.

The distant howl of a wolf caused them all to freeze. Jake's head snapped up and he looked directly into Embry's eyes. "Leah, Seth, get back here, I'm sure Nahuel's got the message by now.".... Embry whined.

Emmett laughed, "Hey babe, you were right. Tell-a-wolf in action!" It was strange to watch Jake use Embry as a cell phone. It may have been a joke, but tell-a-wolf was an apt description.

"Are they coming back?" Jake asked Embry, ignoring Emmett.

Embry shook his head "_No"_

"Damn it Leah, don't make me phase and give you an order!"

Embry's muzzle dropped open and he huffed once.

"She's cussing me out isn't she?" Jake asked.

Embry barked and nodded his head, _"Yes"_

"Is she coming back?"

Embry nodded his head again just as Quil trotted into camp. It had been several earth years since Nessie had seen any of the other wolves, but she still recognized each one of them.

Once Leah and Seth were back, all the wolves phased into their human forms.

Leah was the first to speak...

"So what the hell were you two thinking sneaking off without telling anyone. Do you have any idea what you put us through?"

"Geez Leah, I'm glad to see you too." Jake tried to calm her down, but once Leah got started it was hard to rein her in.

"And what were you thinking? Letting her bite you and drink your blood?"

Nessie cringed at the accusation and felt her cheeks grow warm as she blushed.

Jake pulled her in closer to his body and growled, "Sometimes you can be a real bitch, Leah."

Embry laughed, "Good one Jake, that works on _so _many levels."

"Ha. ha. Like I haven't heard that one before." Leah retorted.

"Oh, I get it." Emmett snorted. "Every time she phases right? A female wolf is the same as a female dog. A _real_ bitch." Emmett's laughter was cut short as Rose smacked the back of his head for the second time that night.

"Don't encourage them!" Rose ordered, surprising everyone with her defense of Leah.

They went from surprised to completely shocked when Leah simply said, "Thank you."

"So what do you have to eat around here anyway?" Embry asked, changing the subject.

Everyone laughed at Jake's fake French accent as he tried to imitate a waiter in a classy restaurant.

"If you wish to eat in human form we have succulent roast feral pig with a delicate smoky flavor. If you prefer to eat in wolf form, we have organic free range feral pig for the discerning pallet. For those of you on a liquid diet, may I suggest the life essence of...."

"Feral Pig!" Embry, Quil, and Emmett all shouted at the same time, snorting like pigs themselves and laughing.

Nessie didn't want to leave Jacob, but knew she was being silly. The residual effects of his last dose of "medicine" were negligible and there was nothing in the jungle that would pose a threat to four healthy wolves. Emmett offered to bring her back a live pig, but the look of disgust on Leah's face convinced her to go hunt with Emmett and Rose.

They weren't gone for long and returned with four small carcasses. Rose and Nessie left theirs just outside of camp, but Emmett dumped his two at Leah's feet proclaiming, "We kill 'em, you clean 'em and cook 'em."

The stream of profanity issuing from Leah's mouth embarrassed Nessie, but Emmett seemed to enjoy it as he roared with laughter. Once again, his mirth was abruptly interrupted by a smack to the back of his head. "Ow! Rose that really hurt,"he complained rubbing his head.

"Then quit being an ass." Rose said as she kissed the spot she had just hit.

Jacob scowled at Leah as he grabbed a pig and said, "Emmett's right, if you want to eat, do your share."

Once the meat was roasting over the much enlarged fire pit, Jacob asked everyone to find a place to sit. When Quil reclined in the hammock, Jake grabbed an edge and pulled straight up. Quil spun around twice before landing in the dirt. "Not there jackass." Jake said as he sat in the hammock and pulled Nessie onto his lap.

Everyone laughed out loud at the shocked look on Quil's face, even Rose and Leah. Once the laughter died down, Jake told a shorter, highly edited, version of what had happened after he and Nessie left for their ill-fated late night swim.

Nessie could feel Leah's glare boring a hole right through her and she blushed with shame as Jake glossed over her part in their ordeal. Jake paused and caressed Nessie's cheek with the back of his fingers before kissing her tenderly on the mouth.

"Wooo Hooo! It's about freaking time you got some bro." Embry teased, and turned to Seth sitting next to him for a high five.

No one laughed, in fact the only sound at all was the sickening crunch of Embry's nose breaking as Seth saluted his comment with a more appropriate gesture.

"Ow! Geez Seth! What the hell?" Embry was so busy resetting his broken nose that he didn't notice Jake looming over him. Nessie hopped out of the bouncing hammock but not in time to stop Jake from tossing Embry twenty feet into the jungle.

"I better not see your ugly furry butt before sunrise!" Jake yelled as Embry crashed into a tree snapping it in two. He turned to the group and still trembling with fury commanded, "If anyone else has any comments, jokes, or lewd remarks about my relationship with Renesmee, you better keep it to yourself. No one said a word, but you could cut the tension with a knife. Rose was almost comical the way her eyes widened when she looked at Nessie and then immediately narrowed to slits as she glared at Jake.

* * *

**A/N this chapter took for freaking ever to write. It hasn't had the benefit of my two beta readers yet, but I hated to keep everyone waiting. If you find any errors, continuity problems, or just have a suggestion, please leave a review. Even if you don't have any advice or error corrections, leave a review. (please) Reviews make me happy. I write faster when I'm happy. **

**Thanks to everyone for subscribing, recommending this story to your friends and adding me to your list of favorites! That also makes me happy.**


	13. Once in a Lifetime

******A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

******Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter. **

**Chapter 13: "Once in a Lifetime"**

**"What's wrong, Nessie? Can't get comfortable?" She peeked through the mesh of the hammock at Jake lying on the ground beneath her. He was on his back, with his long muscular legs stretched out straight and crossed at the ankles. His hands were clasped loosely behind his neck, but every abdominal muscle flexed as he lifted his head and shoulders a few inches off the ground to look into her eyes. **

**"No, I'm comfortable, I just can't sleep. I know they are probably fine, but I can't stop worrying about everyone that's not here. Jake, what if..."**

**"Don't do the 'what if' thing Nessie, it will just drive you crazy. So will 'if only' so don't go there either." Jake rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow. "I know, its easier said than done and I wish there were something I could do." Jake sat up and scooted closer to Nessie. He wove his fingers through the mesh and pulled down gently rolling her onto her side. "I would be on the first plane to Italy tomorrow if I thought I could help in anyway. But I don't think it would be helpful for me block Alice's visions. It would just piss her off."**

**"Do you really think they are okay?" Nessie swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled to remain calm.**

**"Nessie, I told you I wouldn't hide anything from you again, and that includes my opinions... If I were planning any type of military special operation against the Volturi, and I could choose among all the vamps I know to build a team, I would choose your family. **

**"When you combine Bella's shielding power with Edward's mind reading, Alice's visions, and Jasper's ability to control emotions - not to mention his military expertise - you have a force to be reckoned with. I am not worried about that bunch at all." Jake took her hand in both of his and sighed before continuing. "But, I never would have allowed Esme and Carlisle to join them. They are more of a liability than an asset. Carlisle's past relationship with Aro, Caius, and Marcus could be helpful during diplomatic negotiations, but he would be almost useless in a fight. Esme has no business going over there at all." Nessie was frightened for her grandparents, but glad that Jake had told her his honest opinion. It made the rest of his assurances all the more comforting.**

**"Does that help? Or just make it worse?" Jake lifted his eyebrows and smiled softly.**

**"It helps." Nessie smiled back at him.**

**"Good, do you think you'll be able to sleep now?" **

**Nessie shook her head "****_no_****" and pulled her hand out of Jake's grasp to place her palm on his cheek. ****Jake smiled at the image she projected, opened his arms wide and caught her as she flew out of the hammock.**

**Nessie felt Jake's heart beating against her back as he spooned her body next to his. She didn't care that they were surrounded by snoring wolves. She didn't care that Rose and Emmett were near by. All she cared about was that she was where she belonged. Jake nuzzled the top of her head with his chin as the steady sound of his breathing lulled her to sleep almost instantly.**

**Nessie didn't know how long they had been asleep when her dream became so intense it woke her up. At first she thought she was still dreaming. Jake's body curled protectively around hers ****_was_**** a dream come true... Except, in her dream, Jake had not been asleep. Not even close. She waited until her heart beat slowed to a normal rate, then rolled over to face him. She adored the way he looked when asleep. She hated to disturb him, but wanted to talk to him before everyone else was awake...**

"Jake, are you asleep?" Nessie whispered in his ear, hoping he was the only one that could hear her.

"Not anymore." He mumbled and yawned.

"Will you go for a walk with me? We need to talk."

He slung an arm over her and his huge hand spanned the width of her back. She was surprised when he pulled her tightly against his body with a sigh. Nessie thought he was more than half asleep by the way he was breathing through his slightly parted lips. She brushed her fingertips lightly over the thick lashes of his closed eyes and was rewarded with a sultry smile.

"We can talk here." Jake murmured, his voice rough with sleep, and his eyes still closed.

She could feel every inch of his body pressed against hers, and forgot what she wanted to talk about. The restless snore of one of the wolves broke into her reverie and reminded her just why she didn't want to talk so near to Jake's pack with their super sensitive hearing.

"Of course we can talk here Jake, if you don't care who overhears our conversation about our physical relationship." That got his attention and Jake slowly opened his eyes. They grew wide as he sucked in a sharp ragged breath and pushed away from her gently but quickly.

"Ummm... okay, we can go for a walk." Jake was suddenly all business, on his feet, and looking over the sleeping members of his pack. He brushed the dust carelessly from his body and reached out to her.

She took Jake's hand and sprang lithely to her feet. They carefully stepped over and around the sleeping wolves which thankfully included Embry. It hadn't taken Jake long to cool off after tossing Embry out of camp. They were back on friendly terms before dinner.

When the night sounds of the jungle no longer included snoring, Nessie decided they had gone far enough to avoid being overheard. She still didn't know exactly what she wanted to say. She was so confused by her conflicting emotions. She knew she was ready for a physical relationship with Jacob. In fact, she had been sorely tempted to just wrap herself around him on the ground instead of asking him to go for a walk. She was ready to love Jacob completely in every way (and getting more ready by the minute) but she still felt uneasy about how things had progressed this afternoon in spite of her determination to protect Jake from his misplaced feelings of guilt. Did her body function completely independently from her heart and mind?

Nessie was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice how the air around her had changed. The heavy steamy feeling of the jungle was replaced by a gentle breeze that stirred through her short curls and carried a potpourri of scents; the rich verdant aroma of the jungle, the sour mildew smell of the river, the enticing scents of several animals, and Jake. She took a deep breath, pulling his warm clean scent into her lungs and felt a wave of love wash over her as the concerto of teeming jungle life grew quiet. They had wandered up a hill and arrived in a clearing. The dense jungle surrounded them on three sides, but there was a clear unobstructed view in front of them. She could see for miles.

The moonless sky was clear and filled with stars. It reminded her of the night they gazed at the heavens while floating down the river. Usually thoughts of the river filled her with anxiety and fear. Tonight, she was able to look down on it and admire its impersonal beauty as it meandered through the jungle valley far below them like a silver-blue satin ribbon. She could see the series of rapids where they nearly drowned, and recognized the spot where she finally managed to drag Jake onto the bank. From their vantage point on the hilltop, the river seemed so benign. Even the Great Falls where Nahuel had faked their deaths seemed insignificant from this distance. As she gazed at the beauty of the jungle beneath her and the immense night sky above her, Nessie felt the same tenuous connection to the universe she first felt in the river. The memory of it was sharp and clear in her mind as she replayed the conversation she had with Jake.

"_Jake, do you believe in God?"_

"_How could there not be a God, when everyone of my prayers has been answered?"_

"_How about you Nessie? Do you believe in God?"_

"_I do tonight."_

She still believed that God existed, but she didn't believe He cared about the insignificant beings on this tiny planet. After all, he had an entire universe to run, so why should he listen to the desperate prayers of a half human girl, begging for His help, as she fought to save not just her life, but the life of another? Nessie was surprised by the amount of anger and resentment she felt towards God. She looked again at the rapids and noticed just how close they were to the huge waterfall. If she hadn't managed to get them to the riverbank when she did, they would have gone over the falls to their deaths.

She looked over at Jake and he seemed to be deep in his own thoughts. He must have felt her eyes on him because he smiled contentedly and pulled her snugly into his side.

"What are you thinking about Jake?" Nessie asked quietly.

"I was just thinking about how we nearly drowned and how somebody must be watching out for us. We must have really good guardian angels."

_WHAT! He can't be serious. _

It was obvious that he was. There was no trace of sarcasm in his voice - only reverence - as he continued. "Yeah, if you look at the river, you can see how the current is diverted around those large boulders in the center. If we had missed that second set of rapids, on this side of the river, we would have gone over the falls for sure. That's the tree that saved us right there. I recognize it from the memories that you showed me. It's a miracle that we were guided to the only place where we had a chance to survive."

Nessie felt a strange yet wonderful warmth in her heart as what Jake said began to make sense. Was it possible that God did hear - and more importantly _answer -_ her prayers that terrible night? The warmth spread and her tenuous connection with the universe seemed to get stronger.

How long had they been standing there gazing at the river? Nessie wasn't sure but she knew she needed to talk to Jake before they had to head back to camp. She just didn't know how to start.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" _How does he do that? How does he know what I'm thinking? _Nessie shook her head and smiled as she sat on the ground, pulling Jake down beside her.

"Jake, I feel like we need to talk about what happened today." Nessie felt the urge to climb into Jake's lap, but decided it wasn't a good idea for this particular conversation. Just thinking about what had happened in the hammock made her heart beat faster and louder. Jake was leaning closer and she could tell his heart beat matched her own. _Is it possible for us to be alone and not want to crawl all over each other?_

Nessie took a deep cleansing breath and asked Jake, "How do you feel about what happened today in the hammock?"

Jake closed his eyes and his voice sounded dreamy, "There aren't any words to describe what I felt today. It was amazing Nessie! It felt like I wasn't really alive until you touched me, and then I could feel everything more intensely." Jake's voice got lower and softer. "Your hands on my chest nearly stopped my heart; like CPR in reverse. That kiss was unbelievable, you taste better than anything I've ever tasted in my life, and the feel of your tongue in my mouth..."

_Not any words to describe it, are you kidding me? _"Jake stop, please. You're um... distracting me. I'm glad it felt good to you too and it was so amazing to me that just hearing you talk about it has me ready to throw you to the ground and kiss you so hard it takes your breath away." Jake had leaned in till his lips were just inches from hers, his breath hot and sweet on her face. She could almost taste him.

She put her palm on his cheek and projected what she really needed... _How do you feel emotionally?_ _Is the guilt really gone?_ _Is it going to come back? Can you please stop being so incredibly sexy for just a few minutes?_

Jake kissed her palm as he pulled away and, smiled sweetly. He continued to hold her hand, tracing circles on her palm with his thumb.

"I don't feel guilty. Not at all," Jake said thoughtfully. "Something clicked in my brain when I was so angry with Nahuel for what he did to you... what he tried to do. I wanted to kill him for even thinking he could touch you - I still do - but I never felt like he was a pedophile. Since I am more than willing to think the worst of him; I realized that if I couldn't picture him guilty of that horrible crime, then all traces of your childhood were truly gone.

"I also think my imprinting instinct finally caught up with your needs. I am ready for the next step in our 'adult' relationship, Nessie." Jake started to lean in again and Nessie had to act quickly, knowing she couldn't trust her self-control if he kissed her.

"Jake, hold that thought. I know I said I was ready for an 'adult' relationship with you, and I am, but something just doesn't feel quite right about how it's happening."

Nessie looked up at Jake and noticed worry lines had appeared in the corners of his eyes again. She gently smoothed them away with her fingertips. "I've been thinking about how I felt today, when we got so carried away, and comparing it to how I felt when you kissed me for the first time."

"I really enjoyed being so close to you this afternoon, -_that has to be understatement of the century-_ and knowing that I was giving you pleasure makes me incredibly happy. But it can't compare with the heart-swelling joy I felt the first time you kissed me. We will never have another _first_ kiss and I'm so glad that it was so perfect. I want the first time we make love to be just as wonderful and memorable as that kiss. We won't get a second chance to give our virginity to each other again. That is a once in a lifetime gift.

"I want it to be a special occasion and in a special place. I sure don't want it to be in a hammock. _Not the first time anyway. __"I don't want to worry about 'getting caught' by Rose or Emmett, or heaven forbid Embry." Nessie was speaking so fast she had to sneak a peek at Jake to be sure he was keeping up. The serious look on his face assured her that he was. She took a deep breath before continuing more slowly..._

"Jacob, I really want it to be a deliberate, conscious decision we make together. I don't want either one of us to feel like we were out of control, giving in to lust or seduction or raging hormones. I don't want it happen _accidentally._"

Nessie suddenly felt very vulnerable as she wondered how Jake would take her change of heart. "I'm sorry Jake, are you disappointed?"

Nessie looked into Jake's glistening eyes and saw nothing but love, and tenderness. "I want it to be special too, Nessie. I really want it to be love and not lust that brings us together. I'm sorry I got so carried away, it won't happen again. Not until the right time and place."_Nessie felt her heart expand exponentially with love._

"It won't be easy Jake. I was determined to keep things under control, once I understood how I was making you miserable. As soon as you touch me, all my determination and self control evaporate like the morning mist."

"I know it won't be easy Nessie, but it will be worth it." He took her face in his hands and her cheeks burned beneath his touch as if to emphasize his next words. "We have to do everything we can to be sure we don't mess up. So I guess the first thing we need is a plan..."

She could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "We need to decide on a special occasion for one thing, and we need to set some boundaries for ourselves to make sure we wait for that occasion." Jake tucked a stray curl behind her ear and murmured, "You are just too hot for your own good, Nessie." She loved hearing that, but found it very distracting. S_tay focused! What were we talking about? Oh yeah, boundaries..._

"Okay Jake, I know that I need for one of the boundaries to be that my shirt stays on and that your hands stay on the outside of my shirt." Nessie was surprised when she felt her cheeks begin to blush.

Jake pursed his lips and pouted just a bit. "That's going to be really hard...uh, I mean difficult, but yeah, you're right."

Nessie snorted, trying not to laugh.

Jake rolled his eyes but laughed with her. "Yeah, to avoid that... I need for you to keep your hands out of my shorts."

"Jacob Black!" Nessie felt her face flush with heat and knew it was bright red. "I did NOT have my hands in your shorts!"

"Yeah, maybe not, but you were thinking about it." Jake leaned into her and nudged her playfully with his shoulder. "What's more to the point is that I was thinking about it. So maybe you shouldn't go anywhere near there."

Still blushing Nessie nodded and said, "Okay, nowhere near your shorts, got it. Anything else?"

"I'm sure there is, but I guess we will have to figure it out as we go, I sure hope kissing is going to be okay, 'cause I really like kissing you."

Nessie started thinking about Jake's soft sensual lips moving on hers and had to stop herself from climbing into his lap to reach his face. _Damn it! This isn't going to work if I can't stay focused! Is he doing that on purpose? We better get this figured out soon... _ "What special occasion do you want to wait for? Your birthday maybe? Or how about Valentine's Day?" _Will that be soon enough?_

"I have another idea, Nessie. A more traditional idea." Jake took her face in his hands, looked deeply into her eyes and asked, "Will you marry me Renesmee? Will you be my wife?"

_Nessie's eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. __Oh crap, I didn't see that one coming! What am I supposed to say? _

"I kind of surprised you, huh?" Jake was trying hard to hide his disappointment, but Nessie knew him too well. She was not going to hurt him again, not when she had the power to make him happy.

"Of course I'll marry you Jacob." _ At that very moment Nessie saw a meteorite shoot across the sky and realized that the thought of being married to Jake made her happy too. She closed her eyes and made a wish _as she felt Jacob's lips, softer than the wings of a butterfly, lightly brush against hers just the way they had the first time he kissed her.

******A/N What did Nessie wish for? Leave a review with your guess, the first one with the correct answer gets to name a character that will be introduced soon.**


	14. Free Fall

A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thank you to my Beta Readers as always! _MrsKatyCullen_ and .-_MsRed_-. You guys are the greatest!

Congratulations to _**ChampionShoes **_**for her guess as to what Nessie wished for ****(your PM is disabled so I couldn't contact you, please let me know your choice of names for a female and male character.)**

**Chapter 14: Free Fall**

"Wow, the Cullen Compound is even more amazing in person than it is in your head!" Seth's comment was directed at Jacob, but it caused Nessie to see the compound in an entirely new light. What her family had accomplished since their arrival was truly amazing. At first it wasn't much better than Nahuel's camp site. They really didn't need much, other than clean water and a defensible and secure perimeter, but over the years they had added more and more modern conveniences.

The entire compound was concealed and barely visible until you were at the gate. The dense jungle foliage provided most of the camouflage. Jasper had insisted on using as much natural cover as possible. They used military camouflage netting to cover the satellite dish and solar panels when Alice warned them of impending aerial observation. Occasionally a drug enforcement plane or helicopter would venture into their area, and they would have to hide all traces of their habitat.

Jake's pack continued to make appreciative comments as they entered the compound. Except for Leah. She never said a word. Nessie's memories of Leah seemed to validate her current assessment. Her hair wasn't as short as Nessie's but it still looked like she had cut it with a knife. She was tall, muscular, and in a perpetually bad mood. If she weren't always frowning she might actually be pretty. Nessie used to be afraid of her. Leah was still rather intimidating, but at least she no longer frightened her.

"What are you staring at?" Leah snarled at Nessie. She felt Jake stiffen at her side, but Nessie squeezed his hand to let him know she could handle it.

"I'm sorry Leah, I was just remembering how I used to be afraid of you when I was a child. I didn't mean to stare, or offend you." Leah narrowed her eyes and locked her jaw but she didn't respond to Nessie's apology. Jake took a quick breath and opened his mouth but Nessie put her palm on his cheek before he could speak. Thankfully Jake honored her wishes to just let it go. He kissed her quickly but thoroughly and she forgot all about Leah.

They were about half way to the tree house when Nessie noticed a new metal building and a freshly cleared square of ground. Both were expertly concealed beneath camouflage netting.

She looked at Rose and Emmett and asked, "What the heck is that?"

Emmett grinned until his dimples showed and proudly proclaimed, "Rose has a new title! She is now the family's designated helicopter pilot! We have an Agusta A109 on its way." He frowned briefly and looked at Rose, "You don't think they'll change their mind about the 'copter now that Nessie and Jake are back, do you?"

"They better not after all I went through to get licensed so quickly!" Rose didn't look like she was teasing.

Nessie was incredulous when she realized her family had purchased a search and rescue helicopter because of her. It helped ease her conscience when Rose added, "Besides, it makes it so much easier to get into town. I don't think Alice will let them cancel the order, she already has a shopping trip planned." _So much for being inconspicuous and maintaining a low profile._

Everyone's attention was immediately focused on Emmett as he whipped his buzzing satellite phone out of his pocket. "Text message from Carlisle!" Emmett exclaimed and continued to read out loud, "Everyone safe here. Got message Jake and Nessie OK. Working on red tape, be home in 1 week."

Nessie's emotional walls came crashing down in a flood of relief. She had expended an enormous amount of energy keeping her feelings suppressed, and it felt so good to just let go.

"Nessie! What's wrong?" Jake wrapped her up in his warm embrace as she began to sob.

"Nothing, I'm just so relieved... and tired." She hadn't realized just how exhausted she was until that moment. Jake stroked her head and rubbed her back until she was able to regain control. His tender caress reminded her of how he used to comfort her when she was a child. Nessie stole a quick glance at Jake's face to be sure it wasn't reminding him of the same thing. She couldn't handle it if he began to question her maturity again. Jake wiped her tears away with his thumb and tilted her head up as he gently pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was brief and gentle but she felt her heart skip a beat as he slid his tongue along her lower lip. It was just the reassurance she needed.

"I'm okay, really. I just want a shower and maybe a nap." Nessie wiped her eyes and mumbled "Sorry everyone."

"Nessie, Sweetheart, you've had a tough couple of weeks. You don't need to apologize to anyone." Even with her vision blurred from tears, she saw Leah roll her eyes. Jake kept an arm around Nessie and began walking toward the bath house. "You guys go ahead to the tree house with Rose and Emmett I'll meet you there in a little while." Leah bristled when Jake used the word "guys". Nessie was right. Leah hadn't changed at all.

"You deserve a little meltdown after all you've been through... saving us from drowning, taking care of me, and dealing with that idiot Nahuel's delusions." Jake growled at the mention of Nahuel. "Even the good stuff can wear you out emotionally. We went from holding hands to holding each other in a little over two weeks. We haven't even gone a 'real' date yet and we're engaged. That's a lot to deal with."

When they reached the bath house Jake kissed her gently and ran his hands up and down her arms. Nessie responded by wrapping her fingers in his hair and pressing her lips firmly against his. As they deepened the kiss, Jake's hands slid around her back and pulled her body into his for one brief moment. He pulled his lips away from hers and left a trail of kisses down her throat, across her collarbone and up the other side of her neck. Nessie ran her hands over Jake's bare chest quickening both of their heartbeats.

His hot breath in her ear sent a shiver down her spine as he whispered. "As much as I would love to soap you up and wash away all your worries, fears, and stress, I think I better not." He kissed her cheek and sighed. Nessie had to agree as the memory of Jake's hands sliding over her wet soapy body made her heart pound and turned her knees to jelly.

"I'll go get us a change of clothes and then wait for you right here. Don't worry about using up the hot water, I'll be taking a cold shower when you're done." Jake spun her around and swatted her backside before gently pushing her into the bath house. Nessie thought that she might need to make one of her boundaries no more smacks on the rear, but decided it wasn't a problem yet.

She wiggled out of her filthy shorts as she yanked Nahuel's offensive blue t-shirt over her head and threw it on the cement floor. She tossed her underwear on top of the pile before kicking it all into the corner of the shower. She planned to burn every last bit of it. The hot soapy water felt wonderful to Nessie. She scrubbed every inch of her body and watched the trail of mud swirl around her feet and into the drain. When the water finally ran clear, she reluctantly shut off the tap. She didn't want Jake to have to take a cold shower unless he really wanted to. She grabbed a towel out of the linen closet and held it next to her face. The clean fresh scent was soothing and she inhaled deeply before drying off.

She found a stack of clean clothes neatly folded and waiting for her on a shelf in the dressing room. Nessie blushed when she thought about Jake rummaging through her drawers looking for clean underwear. _I am going to marry him for Pete's sake! He's going to be seeing more than just my underwear! Why does this embarrass me? At least he didn't pick out anything Alice bought. The bra and panties don't even match. _

Her blush deepened when she realized everything was at least one size too small. Her bra pushed her breasts together and made them appear even fuller than they already were. The scooped neck t-shirt that had fit perfectly just a couple of weeks ago now clung to her like a second skin, leaving very little to the imagination.

She was dismayed when she couldn't zip up her shorts. She sucked in her breath, pulling her abs in tight as she hopped up and down and yanked on the damn zipper. She managed to get it half way closed, but was determined to finish the job. She lay down on her back and slowly worked the zipper all the way up. Thankfully the waistband closed with a button and not a snap, but even that was in danger of popping off. Nessie examined her reflection in the three way mirror and was not happy. The tight shorts created a muffin top effect pushing a roll of skin and fat above the waistband. _When did I get fat? How could I possibly have gotten fat? Do the feral pigs have fat blood?_

Nessie had never before been concerned about her appearance. She was more than concerned now. She was mortified. She pinched the offending roll between her thumb and forefinger and wasn't able to grasp more than an inch, but that was one inch too much in her opinion. She twisted around to get a look at her butt. It was much rounder than she remembered but at least it didn't look fat. In fact it looked pretty damn good. Jake must like it or he wouldn't keep smacking it every chance he got. Her legs looked strong and muscular, but a little too large to be really feminine. She jumped up and down a couple of times checking to see if her thighs jiggled. To her relief they didn't.

Her hair looked awful. It was so uneven it made her head look lopsided. _Oh well, like I've been telling everyone it is only hair and it will grow back. _She glanced at her breast and couldn't help smiling. _Wow! When did that happen? _Maybe it was the push-up effect of the too small bra, but her boobs looked amazing. She hoped Jake would be so distracted by her "assets" that he wouldn't notice the small roll of fat around her waist.

Jake was waiting for her outside the bath house leaning against the wall. He gasped out loud as his eyes popped wide open and his jaw dropped. The sound of his heavy breathing and pounding heart gave her an extra boost of confidence. She sauntered up to him, placed one finger under his chin and closed his mouth. "It's not nice to stare, Jacob."

He moaned something that sounded suspiciously like a dirty word, but the way he said it assured her that he liked what he saw. His jaw dropped again as she turned and began to walk slowly toward the tree house. Nessie was fairly certain that Jake would not be using any of the hot water she had saved for him.

When she arrived at the tree house everyone except Jake was lounging around in the common area. Embry, Quil, and Seth had similar reactions to Jake's when they saw her. It looked like a cartoon with all of their bugged eyes and open mouths. Leah curled her lips back in a snarl and looked at her with disgust. Emmett looked shocked as well as worried. Rose pressed her lips together in a tight line and narrowed her eyes. She reached out one hand and said, "Come with me, we need to talk."

"Have a seat." Rose nodded her head toward her bed as she started digging through her drawers.

She tossed several items on a chair before sitting down next to her. "Okay, It's obvious quite a bit has changed while you were gone. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Nessie frowned and tried to guess what exactly Rose was referring to. Then she realized that she didn't care what Rose was referring to, she needed to talk to someone about what was happening to her. She didn't want to use her gift since there were some things she wasn't ready to share. "Actually there are a lot of things I want to talk about. How much time do we have?"

Rose smiled at her and said, "We have as much time as you need."

Nessie's eyes filled with unshed tears as she hugged Rose with gratitude. "I am fully grown now, and I'm sure my AA is well past twenty. I fell head over heels in love with Jake, and he loves me too." It amazed her how happy she felt when she said it out loud and she couldn't keep from grinning.

Rose hugged her back. "I'm so happy for you Nessie." Rose's smile faded just a bit, but her eyes were sympathetic as she asked, "How far have things progressed? Are you being careful?" Nessie trusted Rose, but she still felt vulnerable as she admitted that they had gotten carried away a couple of times.

Rose winked at her conspiratorially, "When you are in love, it is hard not to get carried away. That's why they call it 'being swept off your feet' and 'falling' in love. It takes a lot of effort and determination to keep things from progressing physically."

Nessie knew it was none of her business but she asked anyway. "Rose, did you and Emmett wait until you were married to have sex?"

"Yes, we did. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it." Rose got a dreamy look in her eyes and sighed. Nessie was used to Rose and Emmett being aggressively affectionate, and wondered if they had ever been as tender and gentle with each other as Jake had been with her. Nessie thought about the wish she made last night. _I really hope Jake and I will always feel like we did the first night we kissed. No matter how passionate we get or how much we enjoy physical intimacy, I want to know we can still feel that sacred connection of pure love._

"How did you manage to wait once you knew you belonged together? Jake and I have only begun our romantic relationship and already we are having a hard time keeping our hands off of each other. We are trying to slow things down, but it's not working very well."

"It's hard to make a physical relationship less physical once it has progressed. Do you feel comfortable telling me just how far you've gone?"

"I don't think 'comfortable' is the right word, but I trust you and I really want your help. We haven't had intercourse or anything like it, but I did have my shirt off and I was lying on top of him and Jake did a bit of exploring and as you know Jake hardly wears any clothes at all, but I'm always thinking about getting him out of what little he is wearing, and I can't keep my hands off of his chest..." Nessie was talking very fast and she felt her face flush with heat, but Rose just grasped her chin and gently forced her to look in her eyes.

"It's okay, Nessie. You don't need to be embarrassed with me. I understand. Every one of us has struggled with this dilemma. Before they were married Edward and Bella...."

"Whoa! Hold it right there!" Nessie pulled away from Rose and grimaced as she closed her eyes. "Too much information!" Nessie knew her parents had a healthy relationship but she tried very hard not to think about it.

Rose laughed, and apologized. "Oops! Sorry about that. No one wants to think of their parents in that way. Can I tell you about my own personal experience? Or will that be too embarrassing?"

"No, I think I can handle it. You and Emmett have always been very open about your attraction to each other."

"Attraction, that's a nice way of putting it... Anyway... I grew up in a very sexually restricted society plus I had a lot of emotional trauma to work through. None of that mattered when I saw Emmett, I knew that he was the one for me. Even though he had been brutally mauled by that bear and was barely alive, I knew I had to have him and I mean that in the most literal way.

"Emmett was even more eager than I was to get physical. Months before the end of his newborn year, he became quite interested in other pursuits." Rose smiled and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "At first all we did was kiss, but it wasn't long before I also found myself wearing less clothing than I had started out in. We kept promising each other that we weren't going to repeat our sins, but every time we were alone, we forgot all our promises. We knew we weren't going to be able to wait much longer so we just decided to stop denying ourselves and to go ahead and get married. I used to regret not having a big wedding the first time we got married, but I would have regretted having premarital sex much more. Anyway, Emmett and I have had lots of big weddings over the years. I no longer care that the first one was a simple ceremony with only Carlisle, Esme, and Edward in attendance.

"Have you and Jake talked about getting married?"

Nessie hadn't planned on sharing that bit of news, but she knew she gave it away when she closed her eyes and bit her lower lip.

"Nessie, It's not like you and Jake need more time to get to know each other. I don't see any reason to postpone your marriage, unless you want to subject yourself to months of torture at the hands of Alice the Wedding Planner." Rose laughed, but they both knew she wasn't kidding about Alice.

Nessie felt that Rose was making a lot of sense. What was most important to Nessie was that her wedding be memorable and special. She didn't need a fancy dress or a house full of flowers and people she hardly knew. All she needed was Jake, and his promise to love her forever witnessed by her family. She felt certain that Jake would want his family and his pack to witness her promise to love him forever as well. His pack was already here. Her family had just purchased a helicopter so it wouldn't be too difficult to get Billy and Rachael down here as well. Nessie was anxious to talk to Jake and see if he would be willing to proceed immediately with their wedding.

"Hey Nessie, are you in there?" Jake asked as he knocked on the door.

Rose stood up and handed Nessie the bundle of clothes she had deposited on the chair and said, "You two won't be able to wait ten minutes if you don't change into something that covers you a little better. Besides, I don't think Jake will appreciate the way the other guys in his pack are drooling over you."

Rose pulled the door shut behind her before Nessie had a chance to see Jake. "I'll be out in a minute Jake, can you wait for me?" Nessie asked from behind the door.

She heard Jake's body slide against the wall as he sat down in the hall. "Sure, sure, I'll be right here Sweetheart."

Nessie was relieved to discover that her muffin top roll of fat disappeared as soon as she unzipped her shorts. Rosalie's clothes fit her amazingly well and flattered her figure without making her look like a cheap stripper. Now if she could just do something with her hair!


	15. Feathers, Fruit, and Video Tape

Chapter 15

Feathers, Fruit, and Video Tape

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter.**

"Hey! That's cheating!" Jake laughed as he protested Nessie's strategy to beat him at their latest game. They had found a couple of brightly colored feathers on the ground on their way home from hunting. Jake had begun to play with a red one as they walked, keeping it airborne with precisely blown puffs of air. When Nessie copied him using a blue feather, Jake challenged her by commenting that he could keep his in the air longer without touching it.

They were halfway home and it was still a tie so Nessie decided to make it more interesting. While her feather was floating safely out of reach, she blew Jake's off course with a strong burst of air. He dove to the ground with a half turn, landing on his back, and barely managed to keep it in the air. Even as she admired his determination and athletic ability, she was plotting her next move. Nessie knew it was "game on" by the mischievous grin on Jake's face.

Jake blasted her feather so hard it got stuck in a vine several feet above her head. "Oooo... now your gonna get it!" Nessie threatened.

"I like the sound of that!" Jake replied suggestively.

"You have to catch me first!" Nessie laughed as she sprang into the air, retrieved her feather, and took off running. Jake was right behind her and as much as she enjoyed the thought of being captured by him; her competitive nature prevailed. She jumped into the nearest tree and climbed to the top of the canopy in record time. Jake followed her until the branches began to bend and snap under his weight.

"How long are you going to stay up there?" Jake asked impatiently as he clung to the trunk of the tree and watched a broken limb crash to the ground beneath him.

"I don't know, it's really nice up here. Too bad you can't join me." Nessie quietly plucked an over ripe piece of fruit from the tree and tossed it at Jake's head. He dodged reflexively and caught it in one hand. The soft fruit exploded on impact and sprayed Jake's upper body with juice and pulp. Nessie laughed so hard she nearly fell out of the tree.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen! I ought to make you clean this off with your tongue." She knew he was only joking but the thought of it sparked an internal debate in her mind. Part of her was of course repulsed by the fermented smell of the rotten fruit. She didn't like the nasty stuff even when it was considered perfectly ripe. Another part of her thought it would be worth it.

He had most of it cleaned off by the time she joined him on the ground. Nessie pulled a broad leaf off of the closest bush and helped him finish the job. There was enough residual rainwater on the leaf to remove the last of the stickiness from Jake's skin, but not the smell.

"I thought you would just dodge the whole thing, Jake. Why in the world did you catch it?" Nessie started to giggle again, but the intense look on Jake's face stopped her. "Are you mad at me, Jacob?"

"Mad at you? No, of course not... Madly in love with you? Yes, most definitely... Incredibly turned on by what you are doing with that leaf? Oh, yeah."

Nessie blushed and bit her lip. "Sorry Jake, I just felt like I should help clean up the mess I created."

"Don't be sorry, Nessie. I'm not." Jake kissed her cheek without touching her anywhere else and Nessie knew he was worried that the smell of the rotten fruit would offend her. She wrapped her arms around him, pressed her body next to his, and kissed him passionately. She broke away from his lips and kissed his neck, his collarbone, and his chest. When she thought she had made her point, she stepped away from him and placed her palms on his cheeks. "_I will always want to kiss you and be close to you no matter what you smell like."_

"You are the most amazing woman, how did I get so lucky?" Jake looked into her eyes with adoration and Nessie projected, _"I am the lucky one." _Jake kissed her palms, turned her hands over and kissed each of her knuckles. They continued to hold hands as they walked home at a leisurely pace. When they reached the bathhouse, Nessie insisted that Jake shower first. He started to protest, but Nessie convinced him by saying that she wanted to take a long shower without worrying about using up all the hot water.

Jake blew her a kiss as he ducked into the dressing room. A loud stream of profanity startled them both as a shampoo bottle came hurtling past Jake's head. Nessie managed to catch it and was amazed by how hard it had been thrown. Wearing nothing but a towel, Leah pushed between them and snarled at Jake. "You might try knocking next time, you jerk."

"Leah, I'm sorry! I had no idea you were in there." Jake ran his hands through his hair and looked at the ground as he apologized.

Leah narrowed her eyes and smiled smugly at Nessie. "Don't worry about it Jake, it's not like we haven't seen each other naked before. You just surprised me."

Nessie couldn't help sucking in a ragged breath. She felt like she had been sucker punched in the gut. She knew Leah was just baiting her and that nudity was an unavoidable part of pack life. Still, the mental picture of Leah and Jake both nude at the same time and in the same place upset her. _What is her problem? _"Crazy bitch." Nessie muttered under her breath.

"Don't let her get to you Nessie. She thrives on drama, just ignore her and she'll find someone else to torment."

Jake was in and out of the shower in record time. He stood in the doorway dripping wet with his hair plastered to his head and face. The slanting rays of the afternoon sun turned his coppery skin to bronze. Nessie's heart sped up as she watched water droplets trace glistening paths over and around his sculpted muscles. The pure clean scent of Jake drew her like a magnet...

"HEY!" Nessie gasped as Jake shook his head like a dog, showering her with cold water.

Jake laughed and tossed his wet towel at her. Nessie caught it easily and snapped it at his butt. She was rewarded by Jake's loud exclamation. "OUCH!"

"Oh come on Jake! That didn't hurt, I hit your back pocket." Nessie noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the pocket she had just snapped. She quickly snatched it and her eyes widened as she recognized the heart shaped origami. "You still have this?" Nessie was surprised. She had given it to him the day she bit Emmett's finger off.

"It was really sweet, and your apology was so sincere I couldn't throw it away." Jake looked a little embarrassed as the corners of his mouth turned up in a shy smile. "I didn't realize it at the time, but I think your feelings for me had started to change." Nessie carefully unfolded the heart and read outloud…

"Dearest Jacob,

I am so sorry for disappointing you today. I don't know what is wrong with me, it's like I'm not even me anymore. I am so ashamed for what I did to Uncle Emmett, please don't stop liking me."

Nessie paused and looked closer at the letter. "It looks like I erased 'love' and wrote 'like' instead. Why would I do that? We have always said we loved each other even before we fell in love."

"I think you erased it because it meant something more to you than it had before. I was still much older than you at that point so I'm glad I didn't figure it out." _So am I, you probably would have moved back to La Push or something._

Nessie continued reading, "I know I deserve to be punished, but I don't like being away from you. I don't know how I'm going to survive a whole month being in solitary confinement for two hours a day." Nessie smiled and shook her head.

"It looks like there were tears splashed all over this. I can hardly read it."

Jake reached out his hand palm up, "May I?" Nessie handed him the letter and smiled in amazement as he continued reading. _Does he have that thing memorized?_

"I know you are being punished too and it's not fair. You didn't do anything wrong. I hope you can find something fun to do without me while I sit in my room wishing I were with you. Just don't have too much fun and forget about me.

"I think we better not sneak out for awhile even though that is my favorite thing to do. I feel so grownup when it's just the two of us out hunting at night. If Daddy finds out, he might be really mad at you, and I don't want to get you in trouble.

"I am going to miss you every minute of every hour that we are apart, but I am going to be really, really, really, good. I want to be someone you can be proud of again.

Love,  
Nessie"

She was reading over his shoulder and noticed that once again there was evidence she had erased her words more than once. "It looks like I had a hard time figuring out how to sign it. I remember writing that letter, but not what I wrote. I also don't remember crying over it."

Jake cleared his throat and said, "You didn't cry over it, I did."

"Oh Jake, that is just so sweet! It's no wonder I love you so much."

Jake carefully refolded the letter back into its heart shape and slipped it into his pocket. "I treasure this letter Nessie, I'm so glad I didn't have it the night we went to the river."

Nessie wrapped her arms around Jake's neck and wove her fingers into his hair. They continued to gaze into each others eyes until their lips met. Jake's mouth moved slowly and gently on hers and Nessie felt her knees go weak. She might have fallen if Jake weren't supporting her with his arms around her waist. They tried to maintain a hands width space between their bodies, but as the kiss deepened and their hearts began to beat faster, they were drawn together like moths to a flame.

They both froze when they heard someone approaching.

"Go away." Jake's voice was harsh, almost a growl. His lips were still pressed against hers so it tickled when he spoke. Nessie felt Jake's smile before they pulled apart.

"Ummm... sorry to interrupt, but... uh... Leah sent me down here to get her clothes." Seth's soft voice was awkward and strained. "She refuses to borrow anything from Rose and she is making Embry... um... uncomfortable."

Nessie laughed at the thought of Leah lounging around in a towel while Embry tried to behave. Jake rolled his eyes as he ducked into the shower, grabbed the pile of Leah's dirty clothes and tossed them out the door.

When Seth's quiet footsteps faded away, Jake kissed the top of Nessie's head and whispered, "I'll wait for you at the gazebo."

The hot water and soap felt wonderful as usual, but Nessie knew Jake would be waiting for her, so she didn't linger. She grabbed her clean clothes off of the shelf and groaned when she couldn't find a bra. She realized she must have forgotten to grab one when she was packing a change of clothes before they left on their hunt. She briefly considered just putting her dirty one back on, but the thought was repulsive. Her clean shirt was not form fitting, and as long as she hunched her shoulders forward just a little and crossed her arms over her chest, it wasn't too obvious she wasn't wearing a bra.

Jake had spread his towel out on the ground next to the gazebo, and was lying on his back looking way too sexy. Nessie placed her towel on the ground so that when she lay down, her head would be next to Jake's, but their feet would be pointing in opposite directions. Nessie hoped this would give them a sense of intimacy and closeness without risking an uncontrolled escalation of physical contact. She knew they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off each other if she were to lie down beside him.

She wanted to talk to Jake about the conversation she had with Rose last night. She knew they were going to have to get married sooner rather than later if they still wanted to follow their plan.

They had agreed to keep their engagement a secret until the rest of the family returned, so she was a little worried about how Jake would react when she told him that Rose, and most likely Emmett, already knew. Honesty was always the best policy...

"Jake, when Rose and I were in her room talking last night she sort of figured out that we had decided to get married." Nessie could feel the muscles of Jake's jaw move against her cheek as he smiled. She was instantly relieved. "Thanks for not being mad at me."

"Um... Quil and Seth know too." Jake rolled over onto his stomach, resting his weight on his forearms, which were on either side of her shoulders. His head was upside down and directly above hers. Nessie had to laugh at the worried look on his face.

She lifted her head and shoulders to deliver a quick kiss of reassurance. It wasn't a particularly passionate kiss so she was surprised to hear Jake's heart rate increase. His eyes burned into hers as her head drifted back to the ground. The kiss he delivered was very passionate. With his lips still moving against hers, he asked, "Renesmee, why the hell aren't you wearing a bra?" Jake lifted his head, closed his eyes, and bit his lower lip.

"Oh! Sorry Jake, I couldn't find one in the dressing room. I must have forgotten to grab one this morning and I didn't want to put a dirty bra on after my shower." Jake's hands were balled into fists on the ground beside her.

"Geeze Nessie, are you trying to kill me?" Nessie's face burned with heat as she blushed. Jake scooted back until his hands were even with her face. He stroked her cheeks with the back of his fingers and murmured, "At least I would die happy."

"I am _not_ trying to kill you. In fact, I will go to my room right now and get properly dressed if you can't handle it." Nessie felt a little resentful. After all, Jake wasn't wearing anything other than his faded old cutoffs. Not even boxers.

Jake gently pushed her shoulders back to the ground when she started to get up. "Wait, let's see if I can handle it. Just don't move, okay?"

Jake took a deep, slow and seductive breath. He gently kissed her forehead, then her eyelids, and the tip of her nose. "Yeah, I can handle it. This is really very nice." He kissed her lips quickly and then rolled over onto his back so they were cheek to cheek again.

"So, what did Rose think when she found out?" Jake reached up and placed his palm on Nessie's cheek before running his hand through her damp curls. Nessie rolled over onto her stomach so she could look into Jake's eyes. She rested her head on one bent arm, and softly placed her other palm on Jake's cheek. He turned his head toward her and smiled as she shared the conversation she had with Rose.

"Oh Nessie, that's awesome." Jake sat up and pulled her into his lap. "How soon is too soon? I can't wait to make you my wife." His excitement was contagious, and Nessie shivered with nervous energy as she realized they wouldn't have to wait much longer.

"We will need to talk to my family. It might be hard to convince my parents that we are ready for marriage. I was still a teenager the last time they saw me."

"We better be sure Jasper is in the room when we tell them." Jake laughed and shook his head. "In fact, we better ask Jasper to put your dad in a headlock before he has a chance to read my thoughts."

Nessie groaned out loud. "I _really _don't want dad to hear what I've been thinking! I won't be able to keep my thoughts parent appropriate even when he's standing next to me. I think about loving you all the time Jacob Black. Every second of every day!"

"I know exactly what you mean, Nessie. I'm pretty sure Edward is going to try to kill me."

"Maybe Rose could convince Mom to shield our thoughts for awhile. She will see everyone first since she is picking them up in the helicopter."

"When is that thing going to arrive anyway, and how is it getting here?" Jake asked.

"Rose and Emmett are leaving in the jeep tomorrow to go get it. Rose will pick everyone up at the airfield in town as soon as they arrive, and Emmett will drive the jeep back. Jasper will probably go with Emmett since they both love four-wheeling off road."

Nessie frowned. "Damn it! I hope Rose and Emmett will be able to convince Jasper to go in the 'copter. I don't want to face either of my folks without the benefit of Jasper's calming effect. There is a good chance that Mom won't agree to shield our thoughts. She has an even bigger hang-up about my age than you did. So we better not count on her help."

"Your going to have to work on your language Nessie, hanging out with werewolves had a negative effect on your vocabulary." Jake was teasing, but Nessie thought he had a good point.

Jake chewed his lip for a moment before speaking. "I think we better figure out how we are going to handle this. It could get really ugly if we aren't careful. This should be a joyful occasion for your family but I'm afraid it could turn into a fight very easily. Edward especially has a short fuse and a violent temper. I don't exactly have a great reputation for handling conflict in a calm manner myself."

Jake sighed and shook his head. "Maybe I should send my pack home. If Edward does come after me, I know for sure that Leah would phase and attack. Embry probably would too. Someone could get seriously hurt."

"This is just like when the Volturi were convinced I was an immortal child and were all set to destroy my whole family without listening to any explanations. We don't have time to recruit witnesses, but I think I know a way to defuse the situation." Nessie smiled as she placed her palm on Jake's cheek and showed him her plan.

* * *

"Okay.... Jake, sit up a little taller, and Nessie turn your shoulders just a little to the left... Focus looks good, white balance is a little off.... hang on a sec..."

"Just push the damn button, Embry!" Jake growled.

Nessie tried not to laugh. Embry was enjoying his job as cameraman a little too much and Jake was loosing patience.

"Okay, okay... we're rolling...your good to go in... five, four, three..." Embry was still messing with the camera and Nessie could just imagine the nausea inducing effect of his zooming in and out.

"Embry! Cut it out or I swear I'm going to kick your butt out of this tree and it is a very long way down even for a werewolf."

"Fine! If you don't care that this video is going to be unimaginative and boring have it your way. Just don't tell anyone that I had anything to do with it." Embry sat on the floor and pushed the record button.

Jake cleared his throat and looked directly into the camera. "Edward. Bella. Nessie and I would have preferred to do this in person, but due to the unusual circumstances of the situation we thought this would be an acceptable alternative." Jake paused and looked at Nessie.

"Mom. Dad. As you can see I've changed a lot since the last time you saw me. I am so sorry about all the trouble I've caused everyone by my childish prank of sneaking out. It was my idea and Jake only went along because...."

"Cut!" Jake exclaimed. Embry was still adjusting the focus on the camcorder. "That means turn off the damn camera, Embry."

"I know what it means, Jake! Give me a second." Embry turned the camera around and looked it over briefly before he found the pause button. "Okay, it's paused."

Jake turned to Nessie and said, "I already feel like a big coward by not facing your parents in person. Please don't make it even harder by trying to protect me. I knew it was wrong to sneak out, but I did it anyway. I could have stopped you if I wanted to."

Nessie didn't agree, but didn't think this was a battle worth fighting in light of the more serious issues they were trying to deal with. "Okay, Jake. Whatever..."

"Mom, Dad, as you can see..."

"Wait! I have to turn the camera on! Okay, go ahead in... five, four..."

"EMBRY!" Jake and Nessie yelled in unison.

"FINE!" Embry yelled back.

It took three hours to create a fifteen-minute video. Nessie and Jake took turns describing their ordeal in the river and the jungle. They carefully edited the details of their developing relationship, but made it clear that they were completely and irrevocably in love with each other. They explained Nessie's incredible transformation from teenager to adult and Nessie testified in her own behalf quoting medical and psychological evidence as if she were an expert witness. They had to do another take of her concluding statement when Embry added his own unsolicited comment...

"Hell, all you have to do is look at her to see she's all grown up."

They decided to keep Embry's comment and asked everyone else to give their "witness" on tape as well. Leah was the only one who refused. Seth, Quil, and Rose testified about the depth of Jake and Nessie's commitment to each other and Nessie's obvious mental and emotional maturity. Emmett's comment was almost word for word the same as Embry's.

The very end of the presentation was a complete surprise to Nessie. Jake knelt in front of her and pulled a beautiful handmade bracelet out of his pocket. The center was pure silver and was etched with a duplicate of the pen and ink sketch Jake had given her as a rite of passage gift. Braided strands of warm glowing copper and sparkling silver bordered this scene. The interwoven metals obviously represented Nessie and Jacob. He turned it over so she could read the inscription inside. "Renesmee and Jacob Forever"

As he slipped the band on her wrist he kissed her hand and asked, "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, will you be my wife?"

Nessie felt tears flowing down her cheeks as joy overwhelmed her. "Yes, my darling Jacob I will be your wife, your soul mate, and your best friend forever."

"And.... that's a wrap!"

"EMBRY!" Everyone shouted as Leah smacked the back of his head.

**A/N Edited on 22 June 2009 to maintain a "T" rating. (I live with a censor) **


	16. Welcome to Pack Life

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I heavily edited chapter 15. (June 21, 2009) It might be worth reading again just to learn what Nessie wrote in her letter of apology to Jake on the day she bit Emmett.**

*******

Chapter 16: Welcome to Pack Life

Nessie stumbled out of bed still half asleep and tripped over the dirty clothes she had tossed on the floor last night. She started to pull them on but one whiff of her t-shirt changed her mind. She sniffed under one arm briefly and applied more deodorant before dressing in the first clean shirt she laid her hands on. She grabbed her shorts off the floor and slipped them back on. She had only borrowed two pair from Rose, and the other pair was already packed.  

Nessie wasn't used to being so limited in her wardrobe choices. Her drawers and closet were full of clothes, but nothing fit. Some of Rosalie's clothes fit her, but she didn't want to take anything without asking. She didn't have time to go hunt for more clothes anyway. Everyone else was ready to go and waiting for Nessie.

"Nessie! Come on, we have to leave now!" The impatience in Jake's voice was annoying, but Nessie knew it was her own fault for oversleeping.

Her backpack was not in the commons where she left it. She assumed Jake carried it down for her. "I got your pack already, we're just waiting on you!" Jake confirmed, as if reading her mind.

At least she had packed all her camping gear the night before. She really wished she had showered before bed as well. There was actually a line waiting for the shower last night and Nessie had been too exhausted to bother with it. She was still tired this morning and they had a long hike ahead of them. Hopefully her excitement over being included in Jake's pack would give her the stamina she needed to keep up with them.

"Are you kidding me?" Jake's deep voice slid up an octave as he replied to whom ever was on the satellite phone. "Okay, thanks for the heads up." Jake shut off the phone and tossed it to Nessie as she dropped from the lowest branch to the ground beside him. "Put that in your backpack." _How about "Put that in your backpack _please?"

"There's a slight change in plans guys." Jake ran his hand through his hair and ground his teeth. "That was Rose on the phone. The Cullen's got in a day early, so we are already a day behind. We are going to have to go wolf so we can cover some ground."

Leah swore under her breath, but Jake ignored her. "That means we can't take the packs full of stuff Emmett and Rose loaned us. So dump 'em now." Jake looked at Nessie and apologized. "Sorry Nessie, but we have to consolidate everything into one pack. Yours."

"Oh that's just great Jacob, how do you expect me to keep up? You can outrun me even when you're not running in wolf form, and you want me to carry a full backpack? How is that going to be any faster?" Nessie felt bad enough for being the last one ready to go. She was going to be an even bigger burden now. "Maybe I should just stay here, it's not like I'm in any danger."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm going to carry you." The look in Jake's eyes clearly indicated he would not argue this point. _Don't you go all Alpha on me Jacob Black!_ Nessie resolved to submit to Jake's leadership in front of his pack, but they would definitely have a private conversation about how she expected to be treated before this day was over.

***

The pack ran non-stop for six hours. Nessie's back ached, her hands were numb from clinging to Jake's fur, and her legs were sore from squeezing his sides. She could ride Jake all day and all night too if it weren't for the backpack. It threw her center of gravity off and she was constantly fighting to stay in place.

When they finally stopped, Nessie slid gratefully off Jake's back and sank to the ground. She wiggled out of the pack and began to rub her neck and shoulders. Jake went a few yards into the jungle and phased. He knelt behind Nessie and took over massaging and kneading her aching muscles. "I'm so sorry Sweetheart, we should have just left everything behind. It's not like we need hammocks, tents, and iPods to survive."

"It's okay Jake, we wanted to do more than just survive out here. This is a great time for me to get know everyone in your pack better. After all, they are going to be a part of my family." Nessie hoped they wouldn't be her only family. She was afraid the stress of her disappearance, her engagement to Jake, and now her decision to hide in the jungle with the pack might be too much for Edward and Bella.

Rose and Emmett were sure this was the best plan. Rose was going to call Jake on the satellite phone and let them know if they should come home and prepare for a wedding, or run for their lives. Nessie missed her parents and desperately hoped they would be reasonable. Surely Jasper would be able to keep them calm enough to watch the video. Hopefully the video would be enough to convince them she was mature enough to get married.

Jake stood up and grabbed the satellite phone out of the pack as it began to buzz. "Yeah, we are about six hours out, that should give Edward and Bella plenty of time to calm down. Are you practicing my mind control methods?... What?... You're breaking up… I can't hear you… if Edward reads your mind… okay, okay, you have decades more experience. I get it... What about Emmett?... Ah good idea, that puts Jasper on the bird with the rest of the family as well…. Yeah, she's right here… Nessie, Rose wants to talk to you."

The connection wasn't the greatest but Nessie was able to understand most of what Rose said. "Can…borrow your old…clothes…you mind?"

"Sure, but they won't fit you. What do you want them for?"

"Not for…surprise…can't tell…but…love it…see you…on …" The connection went dead leaving Nessie puzzled. "What was that all about?" Nessie asked.

"No clue, but it sounds like we got out of there just in time. Emmett just dropped Rose off at the airfield and is on his way back in the jeep right now. He left before the Cullen's landed. From what I could understand, it seems Jasper had to forge some new passports and that's what they were waiting on." Jake unloaded the backpack as he spoke.

Even without a mind link, Jake's pack worked together efficiently and camp was set up in less than an hour. It was amazing what you could fit in a backpack. They each had their own hammock and one personal item. They only used the tent for changing clothes and to keep the electronics dry.

It was approaching the hottest part of the day, so everyone retired to their hammocks. Nessie and Jake had hung their hammocks in the same trees so Nessie was directly above Jake. She doodled on her sketchpad, as she thought about what she wanted to draw.

Embry and Seth were listening to iPods. At least Seth was listening. Embry was snoring. Quil was daydreaming and writing letters to Claire.

Leah was pretending to read the reference book she brought, but mostly she was staring at Embry. Nessie suspected Leah chose to bring The Native People of South America just because it was so heavy. It was a last minute substitution after the decision to consolidate the packs.

"Jake, what personal item did you bring?" Nessie asked. She was surprised he wasn't working on a carving or ink sketch.

"You." Jake smiled at her warmly. Nessie was flattered but a little annoyed that he wasn't answering her.

"Seriously, Jake, what did you bring?"

"I brought the satellite phone, a hunting knife, a box of matches…"

"That stuff that will benefit all of us. Did you bring something just for you or not."

"Like I said already, I brought you. That's all I'll ever need." Nessie knew he was just being sweet, but it made her feel a little weird. Every other couple in her family still pursued individual interests and hobbies.

Nessie crawled out of her hammock and her hand brushed against Jake's abs as she reached for his knife. His eyes grew wide with surprise as she pulled it out of its sheath and offered it to him handle first.

"You need to do something besides stare at me all afternoon. Go find some nice exotic wood and carve something for me." Nessie kissed him quickly to soften the effect of her abrasive words.

"Sure, sure." Jake agreed with a smile. He didn't go far. Nessie could hear him humming slightly off key as he searched for a scrap of wood worthy of his skill. She was grateful she hadn't hurt his feelings.

He was already whittling the bark off a small stick as he walked back to his hammock. "So Nessie, what do you want me to make for you? Something useful, or just a figurine?"

Nessie rolled out of her hammock into Jake's and motioned for him to join her. The trees bowed under his weight as she rolled onto him. _I guess I didn't think this through very well. _ _It's a good thing we're not alone, this could get out of hand quickly. _She wiggled around trying to get into a less compromising position, but that only made things worse.

"Nessie hold still, please." Jake whispered in her ear as he grabbed the sides of the hammock. He pulled on it gently, spreading the mesh so there was room for Nessie to lie on her back beside him instead of on top of him. Nessie rested the back of her head on his shoulder where it joined his chest. Jake relaxed his arms and they both sighed with relief when the hammock cradled them comfortably and discreetly.

"Show me what you found, Jake." Nessie said softly as she brushed his hair off his forehead with her fingers. Jake reached over the side of the hammock and picked up the piece of wood off the ground.

"I liked the shape and feel of this piece, but I don't have any idea what it wants to be." Nessie smiled as she recalled all the times Jake had asked her what an object wanted to be. Whether it was a bar of soap or a chunk of wood, Jake insisted that it would let her know what it "wanted to be".

"Hmmm…. I think this wants to be a figurine of the werewolf and his wife that are inscribed on my bracelet." Nessie turned her wrist admiring Jake's engagement gift. The sun reflected off the highly polished surface and a beam of light danced across Jake's arm. "What do you think, Jake?" Nessie lifted her head so she could see the expression on his face. He was smiling the huge grin she loved so much.

"Yeah, I think you're right. It definitely feels like a werewolf and his wife are hiding in here." Jake picked up his knife and got to work. With Nessie resting on his shoulder Jake enclosed her within the circle of his arms. His hands were sure and deft as the knife flashed in the glow of the afternoon light. Wood shavings drifted down like falling snow, as Nessie drifted off to sleep.

***

The sun was a couple of hours lower in the sky when Nessie opened her eyes. Jake was still asleep, the beat of his heart slow and steady against her cheek. Her torso rose and fell with each breath he took.

Sometime after falling asleep Nessie had shifted into a more intimate position. Her left leg crossed his thigh diagonally placing the side of her bent knee over his kneecap. Her left arm was resting on Jake's chest with her hand on his cheek. _Had she done that on purpose? Was he aware of her dreams? _Nessie didn't remember dreaming so it didn't concern her. The problem she faced now was how to disentangle her limbs from his with out waking him.

As she tried to slide her leg off his, Jake grabbed the back of her knee with his right hand and pulled her closer. He ran his other hand slowly up the side of her body from her hip to the back of her head. _Whoa! What is he doing? _Nessie's eyes widened in surprise and she found herself looking straight at Leah who just rolled her eyes and smirked.

"He's asleep Nessie, you might want to wake him up before his dreams get any better. I for one do NOT want a replay the next time we phase." Nessie hesitated, not wanting to disturb Jake's sleep. Leah sighed, climbed out of her hammock and poked Jake's ribs with her finger. "Wake up lover boy, you have an audience."

Jake yawned and stretched but didn't open his eyes. "Go away Leah." Nessie tried to get up, but Jake held her even closer and murmured, "in a minute, okay."

Nessie grew uneasy and self-conscious as Leah narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. Jake blew out a gust of air, kissed the top of Nessie's head and patted her butt before he let her up. When he kissed her palm, Nessie realized she must have been projecting her anxiety. Jake said, "Don't let her get to you Nessie, she just likes to make it hard for everyone."

Embry opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Jake stopped him with a single word. "Don't." Embry slammed his mouth shut and sucked in his lips.

Jake lifted Nessie out of the hammock and took her hand as he stood up. "We're going hunting for a couple of hours, you guys stay human. Don't phase unless it's an emergency and that means threat of death, loss of limb, spurting blood, or blazing fire. I don't want any of you in my head while we're gone.

As soon as Jake and Nessie turned their backs and headed into the jungle, the rest of the pack burst into laughter. Nessie was confused until she heard Embry's comment, "Can you believe he actually said that?" Jake groaned, but kept walking.

"Embry, you are such perv' you know he meant 'difficult'." Leah's reprimand was ineffective since she was laughing as she said it.

"You make things 'difficult' for me all the time, Baby… OUCH LEAH! That really hurt!"

"I've warned you before Embry!" Leah wasn't laughing anymore.

"Are they like that all the time?" Nessie asked.

"Pretty much, yeah." Jake answered. "Welcome to pack life."

***

Once they were out of sight, Nessie wrapped her arms around Jake's neck and tilted her chin up signaling she wanted a kiss. Jake immediately granted her wish. Nessie loved kissing Jake but they had discovered that kisses often led to other more intense expressions of affection. It didn't take long.

Jake's hands were wandering up and down her back and his heart was pounding in tandem with hers. She tried to break the kiss, but Jake's lips just traveled down her throat onto her collarbone. Nessie reluctantly pushed against his chest. "Jake. Please stop." He froze, and dropped his hands.

"Sorry Nessie." Jake took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"It's okay Jake, I just don't trust myself to stick to the plan if you keep going. I think you better go phase before I push you to the ground and ravish you right here on the jungle floor."

"It's going to take a few minutes before I can phase, so maybe you better go sit on that log over there while we wait." Jake looked embarrassed.

"Why can't you phase right now?" Nessie asked.

"It's a… a kind of a safety measure… a wolf thing… it would be really bad to phase when… uh…. you know…"

"Good grief Jacob! I can't believe you are still so shy about discussing sexual topics with me. It's not that hard to say 'we can't phase when aroused because it would kill our partners.' That is what you are hinting at isn't it?"

"Yeah." Jake said as he looked at the ground and bit his lower lip.

"Jake, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Kissing you just now made me… uh… well… Oh my gosh!" Nessie and Jake both began to giggle when she stuttered and blushed.

"Not so hard Nessie? Hmmm…. Are you trying to tell me that you couldn't phase right now if you were a wolf?"

"I guess it is a little awkward when you're talking about yourself." Nessie was still blushing.

"Indeed." Jake said in a falsely serious voice. He grasped her shoulders, turned her around and smacked her butt. "You take the lead, I'll be right behind you."

Nessie laughed as she took off into the jungle. "Catch me if you can wolf-man!" She felt the shimmering energy of Jake phasing behind her and increased her speed. She savored the feel of air rushing over her body and through her hair. The dense foliage of the jungle was more of a challenge for a giant wolf than it was for her. Nessie vaulted over fallen logs and the roots of giant trees. She danced between low branches and vines, weaving a trail through the tightest spaces.

The sound of Jake crashing through the undergrowth made her laugh. "Try to be a little more stealthy Jake, you're scaring all the animals."

It was her favorite time of day. The slanting rays of the late afternoon sun tinged the air with gold and painted the world around her in vibrant hues. Her skin glowed with refracted light, as if dusted with mica powder. It wasn't as dramatic as the rainbow light show created by pure vampires, but it was enough to make Nessie smile.

As she entered a clearing she ran even faster, knowing Jake would be able to catch her easily in the open area. Nessie turned her mind over to all her senses, preparing to hunt. The air rushing over her sweat dampened neck and back cooled her skin. The soft earth yielded to her pounding feet, releasing the odor of decaying foliage and the clean smell of new growth.

At the far edge of the clearing she detected the scent of a jungle cat. She dug her heels into the ground scrambling to find purchase, stirring up a large amount of dust, twigs, and decaying leaves in the process. Nessie froze, ignoring the settling debris that covered her in seconds. She crouched low and slunk forward into the jungle, intent on her prey.

A twig snapped behind her and to the right. _Jacob Black, you better not spook my cat! _She felt a gust of wind and saw a streak of russet fur fly over her head and into the jungle. Knowing the cat was already startled, Nessie abandoned all pretense of stealth.

"Damn it Jacob! That's mine! I tracked it, don't you dare take down my cat! You don't even like felines!" Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the fierce snarling and growling of an angry wolf. "Jacob? Where are you? What's going on?" Then she smelled it. _Vampire._


	17. Sins of the Father

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to Pete for Beta reading (more like Beta listening, but hey everyone else is on vacation)**

Nessie was yelling so loud; at first, she didn't even hear the fierce growling. "Jacob? Where are you? What's going on?" Then she smelled it. _Vampire._

Chapter 17: Sins of the Father

_Vampire, and something else. _Something irresistibly delicious she hadn't encountered since leaving Forks. Nessie's primal instincts were already in overdrive from tracking the jungle cat. She crept forward silently, all her senses magnified. Her mouth filled with saliva and venom as a low growl began to build from deep in her gut. Jake immediately positioned himself in front of Nessie, snarled at her, and shoved her gently with his shoulder. That snapped her out of her trance.

She peered around Jake and finally saw where the tantalizing aroma was coming from. A human female cowered in the "V" of two branches about fifteen feet above the ground. The woman smelled so good…_but_ there _was_ a vampire guarding her.

The sight of Marcus, crouched in a defensive position, triggered a series of terrifying memories of the Volturi. What was Marcus doing deep in the jungle and so far away from his Italian fortress? What was he doing with the woman? Saving her for dinner?

Jake was snarling and growling with his hackles raised, teeth bared and ears flattened against his head. She wished Jake had not forbidden his pack to phase. It would have been nice to have the option of using "tell-a-wolf" to call for help.

Nessie quickly began to evaluate the situation… The woman was not a threat. There was only one vampire at the moment. Where was the rest of the guard? Where were Aro and Caius? Was it possible Marcus was acting alone? She desperately hoped so.

The risk of serious injury was high. A venomous bite from a pure vampire would kill Jake and this was no ordinary nomad or newborn vampire. Marcus was one of the ancients with centuries of experience. You didn't get to live that long without knowing how to fight.

If she could distract Marcus for a fraction of a second, Jake could easily rip his head off. Nessie began to move to the side, but Jake moved with her. She pushed her fingers through Jake's fur from his ribs to his neck, rumpling his coat. Jake understood and stepped back--sliding his head under her hand. "_Let me help you Jacob! You can't protect me if you're injured. I'll circle around to his left and begin the attack. As soon as he charges, go for the kill."_

Jake growled even louder and barked once as he shoved her roughly behind him. The sudden maneuver almost knocked her off her feet. Nessie was astonished when Marcus did not use the opportunity to attack. What was he waiting for?

"Please don't hurt her! I implore you! We've come seeking sanctuary!" Marcus' voice was strong and loud with no hint of the whispery intonation she remembered. He looked more alive and vital than she recalled. How could he have changed so much in such a short time?

He stepped closer, reaching out to them with upturned hands. Nessie began to comprehend what Marcus was saying as Jake crouched to spring.

"Jake! Stop! Listen to him… He isn't threatening us! He's guarding that woman!" Nessie burned with shame when she realized she had been _hunting _the woman. What was wrong with her? The poor thing was obviously terrified. She was shaking violently and her face was a sickly shade of green.

Nessie wrapped her fingers in the thick fur covering Jake's shoulders. She knew he would not attack with her clinging to him. Jake stopped growling and pacing, but he never took his eyes off Marcus.

"Please, she must see Carlisle, it is her only hope!"

With Jake at her side, Nessie approached Marcus in what she hoped was a calm and confidant manner. That's when she noticed his eyes. The strange milky film no longer obscured them. They glowed with a golden light. Marcus was a vegetarian! "Explain what you are doing here Marcus. What are you doing with that woman?"

Marcus seemed to relax just a tiny bit. "Renesmee, there is much to tell but very little time. Please, where is Carlisle?"

Jake's gaze traveled from Nessie, to Marcus, to the woman in the tree. He threw back his head and howled. Nessie covered her ears, Marcus froze and the woman screamed.

"Jake, did you just alert your pack?" Nessie's ears were still ringing.

He sat on his haunches beside Nessie, cocked his head to the side, pulled the corners of his mouth up in a smug wolfish smirk--and barked softly.

Nessie addressed Marcus and his companion. "Please don't be alarmed when the rest of the wolves join us. As long as you don't do anything to threaten them they won't hurt you."

The woman in the tree looked like she might faint. "What is your name?" Nessie asked, kindly.

"Her name is Morgan." Marcus replied.

Nessie ignored Marcus and focused on Morgan. "Do you speak English, French, Spanish, Italian, or maybe Russian?"

"Yes, English." She spoke clearly with a lilting Celtic accent.

"Well Morgan, would you like to come down from the tree?"

She sighed wearily. "That would be lovely." Morgan climbed hesitantly around the side of the tree revealing her swollen belly. _She's pregnant! _Nessie was awestruck.

"Stay where you are Morgan! There are more of the giant dogs on the way!"

Jake's low growl of irritation underscored Nessie's displeasure. "They aren't dogs. Surely you remember what they are, Marcus."

Marcus bowed formally. "My apologies, shape-shifter. I meant no disrespect, and beg your forgiveness."

Jake's deep throaty "woof" indicated his reluctant acceptance of the apology.

Nessie started to approach Morgan, but Jake grabbed the back of her t-shirt in his teeth, dug his paws into the ground, and growled. Marcus crouched ready to defend Morgan. "Good Grief! Jake, look at his eyes. He's a vegetarian. He isn't going to hurt me." Nessie shifted her gaze to Marcus.

"Morgan needs to get out of that tree; she isn't comfortable or safe up there. Why don't you help her down Marcus? I promise you, no one will hurt her. The wolves value and protect human life." Nessie didn't admit that she was more of a threat to Morgan than any of the wolves. _Why did she have to smell so damn good?_

Morgan was resting on the ground, her head in Marcus' lap. Nessie longed to place her hands on the large round bump. She had lived such a sheltered life. The only humans she had interacted with were her grandfather Charlie and the imprints and families of the wolves. She had never been this close to a pregnant woman before. _I wonder if I could feel the baby move. If I could just get a little closer, maybe I can hear its heartbeat. _

Nessie pretended to yawn as she stretched and scooted a little closer to Morgan. Marcus hissed, Morgan sat up, and Jake growled. Nessie sighed and pushed on Jake's shoulder until he rolled over on his side. She stretched out in front of his deep chest and used his thick muscular neck as a pillow.

She didn't get to rest for long. The pack arrived panting and anxious. They positioned themselves protectively around Nessie and Jake. Marcus stood and nervously pulled Morgan to her feet behind him. Jake retreated into the jungle and phased.

Morgan's eyes widened as she watched Jake return as a man. "Oh, my!" was all she said, but Nessie could tell from the way she said it; Morgan liked Jake's transformation. _I guess I should cut her some slack. He is gorgeous and she is only human._

Marcus' eyes were moving from wolf to wolf, obviously nervous. "Could you please ask the rest of them to change form?"

"Not likely bloodsucker." Jake replied nonchalantly as he stared at Morgan's swollen belly and frowned. "How far along are you?"

Morgan clenched her hands into fists at her side. Marcus stroked her face gently before he spoke. "It is a very painful subject and we prefer to discuss it with Carlisle in private. Please forgive my reticence. I do not mean to be rude."

Morgan ground her teeth and closed her eyes.

"No, no it's okay. I just wanted to be sure she can handle the hike back to camp." Jake ran his hands through his hair pulling it off his face for a moment. It fell back into his eyes as soon as he let go.

"I was _impregnated_ five weeks ago." Morgan spat, as if the words themselves tasted vile. _Well, at least she is talking for herself now. _It was starting to annoy Nessie, the way Morgan was acting so subservient to Marcus.

_Five weeks? She must be carrying a hybrid like me. If she is so bitter about it, why does she look at Marcus with so much affection and trust? Does he have her under some kind of spell?_

"Tell them, Marcus. Tell them what that monster is doing."

"Are you sure my love? I don't want to upset you." Marcus held Morgan's face gently between his palms. She nodded, so Marcus capitulated and told the story of Aro's obsession with fathering children.

"After hearing Nahuel's story at Carlisle's trial, Aro instructed the guard to find Joham and bring him to the castle. Joham was flattered and more than eager to join us. He was a loathsome creature, proud of his ability to procreate. He took pleasure in demonstrating his 'self-control' in front of the entire guard. His depravity was nothing compared to Aro's, who insisted every male attempt to mate before feeding.

"He was greatly angered when I refused, but did not press the issue with me. Others refused as well, but Aro was not so lenient with them.

"Aro tried for years but the only humans that survived the violence of the mating act were Yoham's victims. They survived about fifty percent of the time, but only a few were able to produce live offspring. When Aro asked Joham to find his daughters and bring them to the castle, he promised they would be married to leaders of the guard.

"Instead, they were used for 'practice'. Joham was not a loving father, but he did try to save his daughters, dying in the attempt. The hybrid women were in fact much more resilient and survived for many months; but alas, they too eventually succumbed to the violent use of their bodies."

Jake was already holding Nessie in his lap, sheltering her in his arms, comforting her with occasional kisses on her head, cheeks, and hands. She couldn't help shivering as she thought about the fate of Nahuel's sisters. Jake pulled her head onto his shoulder and rocked her like a baby. His large hand cupped the back of her head and jaw as he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"Some of the guard deserted rather than be forced to abuse the hybrids. The vampire traits of Joham's daughters pricked the consciences of the less depraved, reminding them of wives, lovers, and friends they would die to protect." Aro placed bounties on their heads for treason. Many of them perished; pursued and slaughtered by the remaining guard or picked off by the rebels. Some even joined the rebel forces. I don't blame them... They had to join or die."

Marcus rubbed his forehead with his fingers and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. "The dissention tore us apart... Aro refused to listen to reason or believe our circumstances were so dire. When Chelsea perished during a rebel raid, the bonds of loyalty she created and maintained died with her. I saw bonds of dangerous new alliances forming within the guard. I tried to warn him, but Aro would not believe me. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone made a grab for power. Caius never forgave Aro for thwarting him the day we voted to let the Cullen Coven live. I don't know how long he had been planning his coup, but it was well planned.

"We destroyed more of our own in one night than the rebels have in the past five years.

"The fighting was so intense and everything was in complete chaos. I took the opportunity to release Joham's last surviving daughter. She was with child and I took pity upon her. I wish I had acted sooner; perhaps I might have saved the others as well. I hope she found her brother, he was her only hope." Nessie knew she should tell Marcus what had become of the girl, but decided to wait until he finished his narrative.

"Once the Romanians discovered our weakness, they were able to unite the rebel forces. What had previously been unorganized and random attacks escalated to full-scale battles. The castle is filled with the ashes of old friends and brothers." Marcus' voice was heavy with despair, but he was not the zombie Nessie remembered. "Felix, Demetri, Afton, Santiago and Caius are died the night of the coup. Jane and Alec were away on a mission the night of the coup, so they survived without injury.

"Once the battles were over, and the fires extinguished, Aro began searching for the pregnant hybrid. He was livid when he couldn't find her. I tried to convince him that she perished during the fighting and the fires consumed her body. I do not know if he believed me, but at least he did not accuse me.

"The smoke from the fires had not completely cleared before Aro brought in another group of women to experiment with. He also recruited a human fertility expert and that is when Aro's experiments began to succeed. Artificial insemination was not nearly as traumatic…" Morgan shivered and tears spilled out of her tightly closed eyes. "It was still a terrifying and degrading experience…" Marcus paused and kissed the backs of Morgan's hands before he gently lowered her to the ground. "That is enough for now. Morgan needs to rest."

Nessie was relieved when Jake finally decided that Marcus was not an immediate threat and let everyone phase to human form. Morgan and Marcus both visibly relaxed, but still kept their distance. Morgan fell asleep with her head in Marcus' lap as he ran his hand over her long wavy red hair, soothing her with his gentle touch.

"Is she asleep?" Jake whispered.

"Yes, thankfully." Marcus replied. "She is growing weaker every day. I was despairing of ever finding your fortress. How close are we?"

"It's hardly a fortr…" Embry began, but Jake cut him off.

"We aren't close to the fortress at all, but once I'm absolutely sure this whole thing is not some trick, I'll call a helicopter for Morgan. Carlisle has a modest medical facility back at the fort, but it may not be enough to safely deliver your baby."

Marcus growled but lowered his voice when Morgan flinched in her sleep. "The 'baby' is not mine. It is Aro's seed that is killing her. We have come to ask Carlisle to remove it."

Nessie and Jake gasped, Quill and Seth scowled, but Embry said what they were all thinking… "Dude, it's a baby now. Look how big she is. You guys waited too long."

Marcus shook with rage. "That _thing_ is killing her. I've seen what happens and I will not allow her to suffer and die so Aro can have one more bastard to add to his army."

Embry ground his teeth and clenched his fists. Leah stepped in front of him, cupped his face in her hands, looked into his eyes and said, "Calm down Embry, okay."

"It's not the baby's fault its father is a monster!" Embry was not calming down. Leah pulled his head down and kissed his brow then smoothed the deep furrows between his eyes with her thumbs.

"Come on Embry, let's go back to camp." Leah dropped her hands, and wrapped one arm around his waist. "Jake, is that okay with you?"

"Sure, sure. Just keep your ears open for any sounds of trouble."

Nessie remembered that Embry had no idea who his father was. No wonder he was so sensitive about Marcus' rude reference to the baby's parentage.

She had to agree with Embry's assessment. Aro was the sole offender, not the child. It was just as much a victim as Morgan. What about Morgan? She had not asked for, nor did she want this pregnancy. Aro used her body without her consent, and her life was in danger because of it. Was one life more precious than the other?

No one talked much about what it had cost Bella to carry and deliver Nessie; at least not when she was around, but she knew anyway. Nessie remembered her own birth and the sight of her mother's broken and bleeding body. It was one of her earliest memories.

Morgan gasped and woke with a start, clutching her swollen belly. Her eyes widened in pain and fear. Marcus groaned and whispered, "You are going to be fine, my love. We will get you to Carlisle soon and he will take care of everything." Nessie wondered if Carlisle would agree to end such a late term pregnancy. She was grateful it wasn't her responsibility to make such a difficult choice.

"The first step to getting her to Carlisle is to get her back to camp. Can she walk or do we need to carry her?" Jake was back in Alpha mode.

"I carried her across this continent; I can carry her to your camp." Marcus gently swept Morgan into his arms and nodded at Jake--suggesting he should lead the way. The scent trail back to camp was strong and easily followed. Nessie realized it was Marcus' way of showing deference to Jake's authority.

Jake declined and insisted Marcus take point. This was no gesture of respect; it was a purely tactical move. He muttered under his breath but everyone heard, "I don't care how golden yellow his eyes are, I'm not turning my back on that prehistoric bloodsucker."

Leah was talking on the satellite phone when the rest of them arrived in camp. "Yeah, he's right here." Leah held the phone out for Jake and said, "The Cullen's are back."

Jake scrunched up his face before taking a big breath and letting it out with a whoosh. He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck on each side before taking the phone. "Hey, what's up?" Jake closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair as he listened… "Yeah, I kind of thought it might go down like that." Nessie bit her lip fretfully, wishing the connection were better so she could hear the other half of the conversation.

"We have a bit of a situation out here as well. How much fuel do you have in the chopper?... Okay, that's good. Listen, it's a long story but you are going to need to fly out here and pick up a patient for Carlisle…. No, no, we're all fine. Put Carlisle on… Are you kidding me, Rose? I don't need this kind of aggravation right now.... Okay fine!... Will you _please _put Carlisle on the phone?" Jake held the phone away from his ear and stared at it as if it had offended him. He rolled his eyes and muttered a quiet but creative combination of profanity before pressing the phone back to his ear.

"Carlisle, everything is fine, but we ran into Marcus and he has a pregnant woman with him. She is about five weeks along with a vampire hybrid. They want your help… No, I'll let them explain it… Yeah, that's probably best… Okay, see you in a little while."

Jake turned off the phone and put it back in the tent. "Carlisle and Rose are on their way, they are going to land in the clearing, so we need to get Morgan back over there in a couple of hours."

"Jake, can we go home too? What's going on with my parents?" Nessie could barely speak around the huge lump in her throat.

"Not just yet Sweetheart. They only got back an hour ago and unfortunately, Edward read Emmett's mind before they had a chance to show the video or explain anything. Jasper is a little upset with me too, so he is having a hard time calming anyone else down. It's a pretty volatile situation right now."

"That's putting it lightly." Leah muttered.

Nessie fought hard to keep the tears contained behind her tightly closed eyes, but felt them spill over and flood her cheeks. "Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Come here." Jake sat in his hammock and pulled Nessie into his lap. For once, she didn't care what Leah or anyone else thought. She just gave in to her grief and sobbed into Jake's chest. He rubbed her back and let her cry. Some things you just never out grow.

**A/N Thank you to "laCullensCantante" for nominating this story for an Indie award. I am thrilled and honored!**


	18. Games and Gifts

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter.**

**Last edit at 9:38 pm July 2, 2009**

Chapter 18: Games and Gifts

"Calm down Marcus, Morgan's condition is not critical. I need to talk to my granddaughter before we leave." Carlisle pursed his lips for a moment then smiled. "In fact, I believe Renesmee can use her gift to convince the baby to stop kicking so vigorously."

Marcus ground his teeth when Carlisle spoke of 'the baby' but he composed his features before addressing Morgan. "Renesmee has the ability to project thoughts and images with her hands. Are you willing to allow her to touch you?"

Nessie realized Marcus did not want to let her near Morgan. Did he think she was dangerous? Was he aware of her renewed desire for human blood? None of it mattered, because Morgan was noticeably eager to pursue any course of action that might give her some relief from the pain.

"Of course I'm willing! I'll try anything to get this… this _parasite_ to quit beating the very life out of me!" Even though Morgan was not a vampire, her words were full of venom.

A look of disapproval flickered across Carlisle's face when Morgan referred to her child as a "parasite". Nessie cautiously approached Morgan and held her hands out over her distended stomach. "May I?"

When she nodded, Nessie lowered her hands onto the sides of Morgan's belly. She focused on projecting only the most pleasant memories of being in her mother's womb. It would be counter productive to reveal her memories of feeling restricted and confined as well as the panic of near suffocation just prior to her birth. The child kicked beneath her palms. Nessie's lips parted and she drew in a sharp breath as her eyes widened in awe. She couldn't help grinning, even as Morgan glared at her.

Nessie quickly closed her eyes and continued to 'instruct' the infant on ways to minimize damaging its mother. The baby's movements became slower and gentler. Nessie was convinced the child had received and understood her message. Her heart went out to this unwanted and unloved infant and prayed that somehow it would all work out.

Morgan looked up and sighed with relief. "I don't know how or what you just did, but thank you!" The sincerity of her words touched Nessie and she wished she could get to know Morgan better. She also wished Morgan could connect with the baby and keep her hatred for Aro directed solely at him.

Nessie reluctantly removed her hands and said, "You're welcome, and good luck."

As Marcus helped Morgan into the helicopter, Nessie tugged on Carlisle's sleeve and indicated she wanted to talk to him privately. He followed a short distance behind her, away from the spinning rotors and smiled at her encouragingly.

"How bad is it? Will we ever be able to come home?" Nessie couldn't keep the quiver out of her voice no matter how hard she tried.

"Renesmee--even without the benefit of an Actual Age Update--it's obvious you are at least in your early twenties." I'm not going to lie or try to convince you that everything is fine. It isn't. Just remember you're the adult now and be patient with your teenaged parents."

"Okay, but they better behave or I'll have to send them to their room." Nessie tried to smile, but didn't quite succeed.

Carlisle laughed softly. "It is a little disorienting to see how much you've changed in just a few weeks. Human children often change from adolescents to adults in a matter of months. I guess we shouldn't be surprised by your astonishing transformation."

He pulled her into his side and tucked her under his arm as he hugged her. "Before I begin, I just want to say how happy I am for you and Jacob. You both did a very good job of explaining the situation on the video. Esme and I loved watching Jacob propose to you. Thank you for sharing that wonderful moment with us." He kissed her cheek and added quietly, "Congratulations Sweetheart."

"I'm glad you liked the video, you have no idea how hard we worked on it." Nessie's smile turned into a worried frown as she prompted Carlisle to continue, "Jake mentioned that Jasper was upset with him. That kind of surprises me. What happened?"

"Apparently Edward read Emmett's mind even before we landed. We still don't know what Emmett was thinking about, but knowing Em, it was probably something inappropriate.

"Edward began ranting about 'statutory rape' and when Jasper heard that, he was so shocked it incapacitated his emotional guard. Instead of dissipating Edward's toxic emotions, he absorbed them. Of course that made everything infinitely more difficult."

"That's ridiculous! We haven't even… Jake would never…how could anyone believe that!" Nessie sputtered.

Carlisle placed his hands on Nessie's shoulders and locked his eyes onto hers. "Nessie, we all know Jacob is not capable of hurting you. No one believes he forced you--not even Edward--but please remember how very young you were the night you disappeared. A romantic relationship between a seventeen-year-old girl and a twenty-five-year-old man is problematic at best and in most places illegal."

Nessie realized Carlisle was waiting for her to calm down so she took a deep breath and whispered "I'm okay, go ahead."

"Everyone was furious for awhile. Rosalie was already firmly on your side, so she directed her anger at the rest of us. It's a miracle she was able to land the helicopter.

"Alice, Esme and I understood the dynamics of what was happening and were able to distance ourselves from the raw emotions swirling around us. I am so grateful Jake and his pack weren't there when we landed. I am convinced it would have been catastrophic.

"Edward has been obsessively monitoring Jacob's thoughts even before you were born. He knew that Jake's feelings for you would change and he was planning to send him away the moment Jake became physically attracted to you. He never expected everything to change so quickly. Edward wanted to give you the opportunity to fall in love naturally without the coercive influence of imprinting. He feels like he failed as your father."

"…But the video…" Nessie tried to interject.

"Ah yes, the video… I'm afraid all Edward perceived was the way Jacob looked at you and touched you like a lover instead of a friend. He relies too much on his gift; and without it, he was not able to process what he was seeing and hearing.

"Your parents have been in denial about your accelerated development for years. How can they accept the evidence presented on a video when they can't even believe what is right there in front of them?

"Edward was still breaking things when I left, and Bella was going through some major mood swings, but I'm sure Jasper has the emotional climate under control by now. Emmett will keep Edward from leaving the compound and coming after Jacob so you don't have to worry about evasive maneuvers.

"I'm so glad you thought of this plan to keep a safe distance until tempers cool off. I hope that you will be able to come home in a couple of days, but it could take much longer. We need to persuade Bella to accept things and then she can work on your father. Edward is an incredibly stubborn boy, and Bella is the only one that can reason with him when he gets like this."

Nessie's heart sank as she realized they would have to postpone the wedding until her parents accepted the reality of the situation. Carlisle was right; it could take a very long time.

"It will all work out. Alice had a vision of decorating the gazebo with flowers so even if she can't see your future with Jacob; it's safe to say a wedding will be taking place sometime this year."

"Carlisle, I don't want this to sound like an ultimatum, but Jake and I want to get married soon. We _need_ to get married soon." Carlisle's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he puckered his lips. His eyes dropped to her abdomen and he immediately assumed a professional demeanor.

"Do you think you might be pregnant?"

"No!" Nessie felt her cheeks blush. "It's just that Jake and I have decided to wait for marriage to consummate our relationship and well, it's getting harder all the time." The blush spread to her entire face and neck.

"I think you and Jake should choose a date and go forward with your plans. If Edward and Bella have not come around by then, it will be their own fault for missing the happiest day of your life. I know Alice saw the gazebo filled with flowers, but I would be happy to arrange a wedding venue at any destination you choose."

"Thank you Carlisle." Nessie threw her arms around his neck. "That is so generous, and I want to talk to Jake before making a decision, but I am pretty sure the gazebo will be just perfect. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Renesmee. Stay strong Sweetheart."

Nessie stared at the sky long after the helicopter was no longer in view. Jake and his pack had finished unloading the supplies out of the chopper before she and Carlisle had finished talking.

It looked like Esme had something to do with stocking the boxes. At least the pack wouldn't have to hunt for their food. Even with super werewolf strength, it was going to take a couple of trips to get it all back to camp. Quil and Seth volunteered to shuttle the boxes while Leah and Embry ran patrol. Jake and Nessie finally had a few minutes just to themselves.

* * *

"Jake, is it possible to feel guilty and happy at the same time?" Nessie sat cross-legged between Jake's knees--facing him--in his hammock. Jake's long legs hung off the sides, and his feet rested flat on the ground. He was fully reclined with his hands gripping the support rope above his head.

A slow grin began to spread across Jake's face and Nessie recognized the impish expression he always wore before he did something mischievous. He wiggled his eyebrows and widened his grin until it exposed two rows of perfect teeth. He suddenly pushed against the ground causing the hammock to bounce violently. Nessie flew into the air with her arms and legs flailing.

Jake laughed raucously as she landed on top of him. "I would have to say yes it is definitely possible to feel guilty and happy at the same time. I feel guilty for what I just did to you… but… Oh. My. Gosh! That was just too funny! In fact I feel so happy I just might have to do that again."

Nessie was ready for it this time so when Jake catapulted her into the air, she grabbed a nearby branch and swung into the tree.

"Hey! Come back down here!" Jake pushed his lips out in a pout and he looked so cute Nessie almost gave in. Instead, she rolled into her own hammock hanging directly above his. Jake slipped his fingers through the mesh and began to tickle her. "This also makes me feel guilty and happy at the same time!"

Nessie was giggling and twitching from being tickled so she didn't notice when Jake got out his hammock and stood beside hers. He got her attention when he wrapped his arms around her-- hammock and all. He was leaning over her with his head just inches from hers. "Do you feel happy now, Nessie?"

"Um…hm" Her heart began to beat a little faster.

Jake brushed his lips across hers, first-kiss-style. "How about now? Still happy?"

"Oh yes, very."

He kissed her again, still gently, but with a little more urgency. His mouth moved slowly and softly against hers and she whimpered when he slipped his tongue between her lips.

"Any other emotions or feelings you want to share?" Jake's voice was husky and seductive but Nessie thought he might be teasing her. She pulled back so she could see his face. His smirk confirmed her suspicions. Well, two could play at that game.

"No, just happy." Nessie fought to keep her breathing even, and her heart beating at a normal rate. It was a losing battle.

"Let me see if I can change that," he whispered as his lips once again met hers. She relaxed into his arms and melted when he trailed kisses down her neck. Still holding her with one arm, he relaxed the other and let his hand trail down the side of her body until it rested under the curve of her hips.

She felt his hand shake as he paused and looked intently into her eyes. "Please… tell me you feel something more than just happiness." Jake's sweet hot breath against her skin made her tremble. He brushed her jaw with the back of his fingers then cupped her chin and traced her lower lip with his thumb, staring fixedly into her eyes the entire time.

"I feel very happy right now, but in a minute I might feel a little guilty." Nessie parted her lips and pulled Jake's thumb into her mouth. Jake moaned and his eyes burned into hers. Nessie grinned wickedly and bit his thumb. Not enough to break the skin--but hard enough that he felt it.

"OUCH!"

"Nope, the overwhelming emotion is still happiness."

Jake released his hold on Nessie's hammock and sucked on his sore thumb. He looked so innocent and childlike with his thumb in his mouth. Nessie began to envision Jake as a small boy and felt a peculiar yearning in her chest. This was a completely new and alien emotion.

Her eyes widened when she realized she wanted a baby of her own. She wanted to feel Jacob's child growing and kicking inside her body. She wanted to hold his baby in her arms… _Hold on a minute..._

It was too soon to be thinking about babies. They weren't even married yet! She wanted to spend decades as a couple enjoying and focusing on each other exclusively. This 'baby fever' was probably just a reaction to feeling Morgan's baby move and respond to her.

"Nessie, what are you thinking about?" Jake's wet thumb was stroking her brow and Nessie realized she must have been frowning. She took his hand and kissed the fading mark of her bite.

"I was just wondering how Morgan is doing and whether Carlisle will agree to terminate…" She couldn't finish the sentence. There was a huge lump in her throat, making speech impossible.

"I know Carlisle will make the right decision." Jake brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead.

"I don't think there is a 'right' decision, Jake. I'm worried about Morgan, but when I felt her baby move, it was just so… so… _real_."

"This is hard for you isn't it." Jake cupped her face in his hands and the radiant heat comforted her. "Nessie, you are such a compassionate person and it's one of the many qualities I love about you. But I really wish you would stop letting other people's misery steal your joy. Is this what you meant about feeling happy and guilty at the same time?"

Nessie nodded her head.

"There is nothing you can do about Morgan or her baby. We can't force your parents to sanction our marriage. I can't even convince Leah to let go of her fear and open her heart to Embry."

Jake paused and chewed on his lip in concentration. Nessie sat up in the hammock and waited expectantly for him to continue.

Jake placed his hands behind her knees and pulled her legs around his waist. Nessie locked her ankles and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. They were exactly eye-to-eye in this position.

Jake slid his hands along the sides of her thighs until he reached her hips. He lingered there for a moment then slid them up her back to her shoulders. They leaned into each other until their foreheads touched and the intimacy of the moment was so sweet and tender Nessie wished it could last forever. Jake took a deep breath and sighed as he pulled away. He kissed her forehead and continued…

"Life is kind of like the river. Sometimes you can just float along in the current--enjoying the ride and staring at the stars--not knowing or caring where you're going."

"I didn't know you were such a dreamer, Jake." Just thinking about the river made her nervous so Nessie tried to make light of Jake's philosophical remark. He didn't take the hint.

"Sometimes; you know exactly where you want to go, but have to swim upstream against the current to get there. Other times, it doesn't matter how strong you are or how hard you try to get to the shore, you are going to get sucked under by the rapids and all you can do is hold your breath and hope it ends before you drown."

Nessie felt a cold tingle of fear slide down her back as she relived the memory of tumbling helplessly along the river bottom, clinging to Jake and praying for his life.

"I know you hate the river Nessie. It was a traumatic experience for both of us, but a lot of wonderful things happened that night as well, and that's kind of the point I'm trying to make."

Nessie raised her eyebrows as if to question Jake's sanity.

"We both nearly drowned, Jake!"

"We also shared our first kiss." Jake brushed his lips across hers and searched her eyes. "I confessed I had imprinted on you." His hands slid slowly from her shoulders down her arms to her wrists. He traced concentric circles on the inner surface of her hands with his thumbs and sighed.

He lifted first one hand then the other to his lips--kissing each of her palms--before placing them over his heart. He wrapped his long warm arms around her and pressed her body gently into his.

"It was the first time I professed my undying love for you." She felt his chest vibrate under her hands when he spoke and his words echoed in her own heart.

There was a world full of pain out there, and some of it was hurting people she loved. But Jake was right. The love they felt for each other, the pure joy of just being together was a precious gift, and she was going to appreciate it every single minute of every day.

* * *

**A/N It's official, "Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever" has been accepted into the initial round of voting for the Indie award of "Best fanfic with a non-Edward/Bella story line"!**

**First round of voting: 7/8 to 7/12**

**The place to vote is... (w w w) (dot) theindietwificawards (dot) com (forward slash) vote (dot) aspx **

**The info contained in parenthesis' needs to be edited. FanFiction does not allow outside links so I had to be a little creative.**

**I am so excited and honored my story is being considered for this award. Thanks y'all for the wonderful reviews and of course for nominating this story in the first place! --Charlotte**


	19. Secrets and Lies

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter.**

Chapter 19: Secrets and Lies

"Leah, please… I love you. It was not just a one-night stand—not for me anyway—I know it meant something more to you too, I feel it each time we phase. Why can't you just admit it?"

Nessie stopped in her tracks. She didn't want to intrude on Leah and Embry, but if she turned around, she would be intruding on Seth. They had just passed each other on the narrow ledge of the cliff leading to the cenote and she was sure Seth would be swimming completely nude in the cool clear water by now.

Overhearing another of Leah and Embry's many arguments was definitely the better choice. There was no such thing as a private conversation within the pack. The whole "shared mind" thing made secret keeping impossible. Leah and Embry weren't exactly whispering anyway.

"I can't do it Embry. I just can't. I can't go through that again."

"Not everyone imprints! It's supposed to be rare. What am I supposed to do, go through life living like a monk, waiting for something that may never happen?"

"Search your memory Embry. You know what a mess I was when I first joined the pack and that was a year after Sam imprinted."

"I am NOT Sam! Even if I do imprint, I won't leave you. I promise to stay with you no matter what. Sam didn't know what was happening. He had no defense against it. I know my own heart and mind..."

"That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard!" Leah's voice echoed through the jungle as she yelled at Embry. "Jake knew what imprinting was before he suddenly went from being madly in love with Bella and constantly fantasizing about her to feeling nothing more than friendship and brotherly love.

If that isn't enough to make you gag, just think back to the day Nessie Cullen was born. Jake wanted to tear 'the soulless demon spawn' out of Rosalie's arms and rip her apart with his teeth until 'BAM' he looks into her eyes and is suddenly worshiping the little freak. You can't tell me he actually had a choice! You won't either, so don't make promises you can't keep."

_What? What does she mean? Jake was madly in love with… with… Mom? _Jake's first love—his first kiss—had been her _Mother!_ _That can't be right._

Jake didn't want to love her, but he didn't have a choice. He really thought she was a Monster, a freak_. What was it Leah had called her? A soulless demon? _That was what Jake believed she was. He didn't really love her, in fact, he had hated her so much he wanted to kill her, but couldn't do it because of the imprint.

When Jake explained imprinting, he said it was sort of like love at first sight. It was _nothing_ like love at first sight. Imprinting was a curse that forced you to love what you hated most.

She felt all the blood drain from her face as bile rose in her throat. She had to escape, but she couldn't move. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. All she could do was _feel._

Pain.

Loss.

Betrayal.

Confusion.

She felt her heart breaking into thousands of pieces. _Jake doesn't love me?_

_Jake doesn't love me._

Embry was still pleading with Leah but their voices were lost amid the loud buzzing of Nessie's ears. It seemed as if everything changed in one moment of time. The colors of the jungle faded to black and white… or rather black and grey. There wasn't enough light left in her world for white.

The hot, humid air was suddenly cold and clammy against her skin. The earth and moon flew away from the sun. Planets collided and stars fell from the sky. Life as she knew it was over—completely destroyed and scattered into billions of sub-atomic particles.

"Hey Nessie, going for another swim already?" She felt a large warm hand on her shoulder and looked up as Seth passed her on the trail. "Jake will be back from patrol in a couple of hours, so you better hurry." The warmth of Seth's hand lingered even though the contact had been fleeting and brief. The pressure of his palm on the bare skin of her shoulder triggered a strange sense of vertigo.

Nessie felt dizzy and disoriented as the universe reassembled itself into a new and alien landscape where nothing made sense and Jacob Black did not love her. She now lived in a universe where the only man she would ever love, was in love with her mother. A world where her perfect, loving mother cheated on her father. A place where Jacob did not love her.

_Jake does not love me!_

He would be back soon. She had to get away from here. She could not face him knowing the truth. Every touch, every kiss, every tender moment was only a manifestation of the horrible curse of imprinting.

Where could she go? She couldn't outrun the pack and she knew they would track her down before she got very far. She felt an overwhelming sense of loss and homesickness. In the old world where Jacob loved her, she would have sought her mother's counsel and the comfort of her arms. In this new world of secrets and lies, her mother had betrayed her. There was only one person who might understand. Jacob and Bella had betrayed her father as well.

It took an incredible amount of inner strength to walk back into camp and act as if nothing were wrong. Quil was the only one there—resting in his hammock—daydreaming about Claire, no doubt. _I wonder if anyone will ever tell her it isn't _real_ love. _It didn't matter. Claire was human and not a monster or a freak. It would be completely natural for Quil to love her. She was also Quileute—as much a part of the legends as any of the wolves.

Quil didn't even look up when Nessie ducked into the tent and grabbed the satellite phone. She held it behind her back like a child hiding a stolen toy. "Quil, I'm going hunting for a few hours, tell… Jake for me okay."

She nearly choked on Jake's name, but Quil didn't even open his eyes. "Okay, do you want me to tell Jake to join you when he gets back?"

"No!" She blurted a little too loudly. Quil's eyes popped open and he lifted his eyebrows in surprise. His startled expression settled into a mild frown as he tried to read her face.

"You okay, Nessie?" She swallowed loudly, forcing the lump in her throat down to her stomach where it dropped like a lead weight. Why did Quil have to be so darned observant?

"I'm fine; I just need to do some thinking… Alone."

"Okay kid, just don't go very far. There are too many weird things in this jungle of yours." Quil closed his eyes again and a gentle smile lifted the corners of his mouth. He was definitely thinking about Claire.

Nessie took off running, turned on the sat-phone, and called the house with out slowing down. Alice answered. "Nessie! I've been trying to call for hours. Are you okay? Is Jacob okay? I just saw your future for the first time in weeks." Alice was talking a mile a minute as usual and Nessie could barely understand her.

"Jake's fine. Alice, I need to talk to Rose—is she there?"

"No, she's actually in the helicopter on her way to the clearing and um… Edward's with her. They should be there any minute. I saw you and your father hugging each other in the clearing and you were crying… are you sure everything is okay? You know I can't see more than a few hours into your future, but something is going to upset you if it hasn't already and since I can't ever see you when you're with Jake that means..."

"I love you Aunt Alice, I'll talk to you when I get home." Nessie interrupted, and turned off the phone. When she arrived at the clearing, she curled up into a ball of misery and hugged her knees to her chest. She bit the back of her hand to keep from sobbing, but an occasional hiccup escaped. Tears flowed freely out of her tightly closed eyes and her nose ran profusely, forcing her to use her t-shirt to wipe her face. She only had to wait twenty minutes until she heard the approaching chopper.

"_Daddy?_" Nessie sobbed with relief when she felt Edward's cool hard arms embrace her. He clasped her tightly to his chest, as her whole body shook with grief.

The thought "_Jacob doesn't love me_" looped endlessly in her mind like a broken record.

Edward was also shaking, but it was barely contained fury that rocked his frame. "What do you mean Jacob doesn't love you? What did he do to you, Nessie?" His voice was harsh and angry, but his gentle embrace assured her his wrath was not directed at her.

Her father's love was the only thing holding her together. _"Jacob doesn't love me," continued_ to echo in her mind. No matter how many times she repeated the words, they just didn't make sense.

Edward sat on the ground with Nessie in his lap. He rocked her in his arms, and tenderly brushed the curls off her brow. "It's okay, baby. You're all right. I've got you." Edward tried to soothe her but she only cried harder.

Gradually her sobs subsided, leaving her physically and emotionally drained. Nessie fell asleep in her father's arms still trying to decipher the strange words... "Jacob doesn't love me." It was several hours into the night when she woke, but she was still sitting in Edward's lap. He was humming her lullaby and holding her palm to his face.

"Your thoughts were impossible to read while you were so upset Sweetheart. Please don't be angry with me for using your gift to watch your dreams Nessie, It was an education I sorely needed.

"I now know just how much you love Jacob, how grown up you really are. Are you ready to share what happened, love? You know you don't have to say a word, just open your mind a bit…

Nessie began to shake again as tears poured out of her sore swollen eyes.

"I've got you, Sweetheart. What ever it is, we can get through it together." His voice was smooth as velvet and his gentle touch gave her just enough courage to remember Leah's hateful words. She didn't sob, but the cursed tears flowed continuously as she relived the destruction of the universe.

Edward didn't move for several minutes after she finished. Her memories had obviously upset him enough to freeze him.

"_Daddy?"_ She was certain the tortured look on Edward's face matched her own. _"Why didn't you tell me?_ _You knew all along. You all did. You all let me believe he loved me. That it was real. Why?"_

"Oh Nessie, I'm so sorry. We never told you because you were never supposed to find out. None of it mattered once Jacob imprinted on you…"

Anger flared red hot and searing. _It didn't matter! How can you say that? _Nessie found her voice and unleashed her fury at Edward. "He wanted to kill me even before I was born! How could you let him anywhere near me? I know you were reading his murderous thoughts. Didn't you care? I was as innocent and helpless as Morgan's baby and he thought of me as a soulless monster that needed to be exterminated!" _Just like Morgan's baby. No wonder I feel such a strong connection to the child. Poor little thing, I hope they haven't…_

"Morgan is still pregnant Nessie, nothing has been decided yet." Edward's voice was strained and full of pain.

Nessie was relieved to know the baby was okay, but relief morphed into grief as the weight of her own terrible loss overwhelmed her. "I thought he loved me…"

"Nessie, he does love you. He has always loved you since the first day he saw you…"

"That's not love! It's supernatural magic! It's not real!" She was shouting again.

"Sweetheart, you and I are supernatural. Most of the inhabitants of this planet don't believe in vampires and werewolves, but that doesn't make us any less real."

"Why are you defending him? I thought you were completely opposed to me marrying… Ja-Jacob." It was hard to say his name. She had to force it past her lips and the pain of it cut her like a knife. _I guess I won't be marrying Jacob after all_… her chest felt as if an elephant was sitting on it. _This is what if feels like to be crushed._

"I was opposed to it Nessie, but only because I thought you were too young. I was afraid Jake would not be able to control his um… attraction to you and would use undue pressure to er… convince you to… Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and abruptly changed the subject. "I never for one minute doubted his love for you. I've been reading his thoughts since before you were born…"

"That's what Carlisle said— 'before you were born'—why? Was it because he was having an affair with Mom?" Just the thought of it sickened her.

"No Nessie! It was never more than just a kiss." Edward looked sick as pain etched his features. Nessie realized that the memory of Jake and Bella's betrayal still caused her father intense pain even after all this time. How many years had to pass before her heart began to heal?

"Just a kiss?" Nessie couldn't help remembering one of Jake's passionate kisses. The memory began with Jake kissing her, but before the kiss ended, Nessie had morphed into her mother.

Edward growled, but regained control quickly. "I can't believe I'm saying this… I think you should spend some more time with Jake and let him show you just how much he loves you. I know you still love him, even if you feel confused and..."

"What I feel doesn't matter anymore. You're right, I do love him, but how can I ever trust him? What if he un-imprints?" _Is that even a word? _"Will he start hating me again? Will he want to kill me?"

"Jake spent every minute of your life loving you and learning all about you. He knows you better than anyone else does. So even if he were able to _un-imprint_ he would still love you just as much because of who you are."

"You can't possibly know that!"

"Yes I can."

"No you can't! Not unless you're reading his… He's here, isn't he?"

"Yes."

Nessie was flooded with a deluge of conflicting emotions—anger, pain, fear, love, betrayal, more pain, and… hope?

Edward gently lifted her off his lap and hugged her tightly as they stood up. He placed his hands on her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "Go to him Nessie. He needs you. If you are going to be his wife, you need to learn to work things out together. I will always love you and be here for you, but I won't interfere or allow you to run home when you fight with your mate."

Nessie stood in the glow of the full moon and watched the retreating figure of her father until he disappeared into the helicopter.

Nessie was staring at the empty night sky—stunned that her father and Rose had left her here alone—when she felt Jake's presence behind her. She spun around to confront him, but gasped aloud when she how horrible he looked.

He looked worse than the night Nahuel had pulled him out of the river. There was a chalky pallor under the copper cast of his skin and he was shaking almost to the point of convulsing. His red-rimmed eyes were wide and staring, spilling a constant stream of tears down his cheeks and across his trembling lips.

She took a step toward him and without even knowing what she was doing, opened her arms wide, inviting him into her embrace as what was left of her heart shattered into a million more tiny pieces.

With just three long strides, Jake closed the remaining distance between them and dropped to his knees in front of her. He pulled her roughly against him and placed his head on her chest just below her chin. She wrapped her fingers in his hair and clasped him to her even tighter. His long arms completely encircled her with one hand on the back of her head and the other around her waist.

Nessie's world again shifted as Jacob Black—steady, strong, protective, and confident Jacob Black—began to cry on her shoulder. Great racking sobs shook his body. His cries of pain were worse than a wounded animal. She just held him as he cried and let her own tears flow unchecked down her face into his hair.

She had to remind herself it was just the power of the imprint curse causing this reaction. Even if his attachment to her was not real love, she could not deny the reality of his pain.

They held each other without speaking for several minutes while a silent war raged between Nessie's heart and mind. Her heart insisted that Jake loved her, that imprinting didn't matter, and that his inappropriate love for her mother was ancient history and shouldn't influence the present or the future.

Her mind replayed the image Leah had planted in her head of Jake crouched and ready to attack an infant demon—his face twisted in rage and hatred. She could see the change come over him as he was cursed to love the mutant spawn he should have killed. It was too much to deal with tonight. She would try to guard her vulnerable heart and ignore her tortured mind until tomorrow.

They were almost at the camp when Jake spoke for the first time.

"Why did you run away from me, Nessie? Was it because of what Leah said?"

"I can't deal with this tonight Jake. I know you think you love me and that it is real in spite of imprinting but…"

"You have no idea how much I love you." Jake's voice was harsh and ragged—as if he had swallowed broken glass. "Don't you dare say my love for you isn't 'real' Renesmee, don't you dare."

His eyes flashed with fury and burned into hers with a ferocity that frightened her. She knew she wasn't in any physical danger from Jake, but he had never directed so much anger at her!

His eyes continued to smolder and he glared at her until she couldn't tolerate it any longer and dropped her gaze.

"Nessie, how can you doubt me?" His voice was still hoarse and strained but it was barely above a whisper. "How can you think I would ever be able to live without you?"

"Jake, I don't want to think about it tonight. I'm too tired and confused and I doubt if I will be able to make any sense. Can we please wait until tomorrow?"

Jake's eyes filled with tears as he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Of course Nessie. We can wait until morning, just please promise me you won't…" He choked back a sob and shuddered. "...you won't leave me tonight."

Nessie realized Jake was even more exhausted than she was. She had at least had a nice long nap in her father's arms.

"Shush Jake, please don't cry. I promise I won't leave you tonight. It was obvious that Jake was too upset and insecure to sleep, he looked at her as if he thought she was about to disappear any second.

"Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?" Nessie blushed but Jake just grabbed her and settled her into his hammock beside him. His warm body pressed against her side was familiar and comforting. He kissed her cheek and was asleep within minutes.

Nessie sighed and almost placed her palm on Jake's cheek, but caught herself before she touched him. _Sleep well Jake, because we _will _deal with this tomorrow, I promise._

* * *

_If you would like to vote for this story at the Indie Awards voting begins today._

**First round of voting: 7/8 to 7/12**

**The place to vote is... (w w w) (dot) theindietwificawards (dot) com (forward slash) vote (dot) aspx **

**The info contained in parenthesis' needs to be edited. FanFiction does not allow outside links so I had to be a little creative.**


	20. Secrets and Lies Jake's POV

13

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter.**

Chapter 19: Secrets and Lies, Jacob's POV

"Wake up sleepy head, where's Nessie?" I gave Quil's hammock a gentle shove—well; at least I meant it to be gentle.

"Jake? What the heck? I'm sleeping man. Leave me alone."

I still couldn't get used to Quil's transformation. Before he imprinted, he couldn't complete more than three sentences without dropping the eff-bomb. Now he didn't even say 'hell'. I had to give him credit. He cleaned up his mouth much better than I did. I don't make a habit of swearing around Nessie, but every so often, a few choice words tend to slip out.

"Come on Quil, stop dreaming about your little girl. Where's my woman?"

"Your 'woman' went hunting, and made it clear she did not want you to follow her. She said she needed some time to think '_alone_'. What did you do to piss her off anyway?"

"Huh… I have no idea." I racked my brain trying to think of something I might have done—or neglected to do. I was coming up blank. She seemed happy enough when I kissed her good-bye before I left on patrol. Did I tell her to do something without asking 'please' first? She chewed me out the other day for 'going all Alpha' on her.

"I hope she doesn't make me guess what I did to make her mad. I hate it when she does that."

"I know what you mean Buddy, Claire is just now starting to do that and it drives me crazy. All I want to do is make her happy."

"How mad did she look?" I was starting to get worried. She should have been back by now.

"Actually, now that I think about it, she didn't look angry at all. She looked kind of sick."

_Sick? Oh crap_… "Why didn't you say so in the first place and why didn't you phase immediately and let me know? What the hell is wrong is with you?" It took all my self-control to keep from pummeling him.

"Well, I asked her if she were okay and she said 'yes' so I didn't think it was a big deal. I just assumed she was pissed off again."

Sometimes Quil could be such an idiot! Let me rephrase that. Most of the time Quil was such an idiot!

"If Claire had looked 'kind of sick' would you want to know immediately? Or would it be okay to just let her wander off into the jungle by herself?"

"Come on Jake, Nessie is a grown woman—it's not the same." I ground my teeth and felt a molar crack. Damn it! Teeth take longer to heal than broken bones.

"Phase now, Quil! We need to find her." As soon as I phased I heard Seth in my head. _What's up Jake? What are you doing wolfing around? Didn't you just finish patrol? _

"_Yeah, but Nessie's missing. She told Quil she was going hunting and wanted to be 'alone'."_

"_Jake, buddy, don't you think maybe you should just respect her wishes? It sounds to me like she's mad at you. You know it will take longer for her cool off if you go hunt her down."_

"_I know, but Quil said she looked kind of sick so I want to find her. If she really is just pissed off at me, I'll leave her alone, but I need to know she's okay first. _I knew I was just being paranoid, but I couldn't help it. I had to be sure she was okay. Maybe Leah or Embry knew where she was.

_Hey Seth, do you have any idea where Embry and Leah are?"_

We all cringed as he thought about what his sister and Embry were doing. I hated to jeopardize any romantic progress Embry was making so I decided Quil, Seth and I would go hunt for Nessie. If we didn't find her in the next fifteen minutes, I would alert the two lovebirds. Knowing Embry, fifteen minutes should be plenty of time.

"_Alright, that's it. I'm going to sound the alert. Seth, go ahead and phase to human. There's no reason you need to see a replay of your sister and …"_

Wow, that was fast. I don't blame him, though. It had to be ten times worse when it was your own sister. I am so grateful Paul and I aren't in the same pack. Poor Seth, not only is he subjected to Embry's thoughts, fantasies and memories; he has to endure the same from his sister's point of view. I would poke my eyes out with a stick if I had to see what was in Rachael's mind after she had been with Paul. Gag!

Leah was the first to phase after I howled; it took Embry another five minutes. It was a good thing I let Seth go human. Leah was thinking about trying something new with Embry…

"_You are such a pervert, Jake! It's not my fault you sounded the alert when Embry and I were…"_

"_Whoa! Too much information Leah! By the way, I hope you aren't just using Embry for amusement…" _

"_Shut up Jake. You don't have any right to interfere with my personal life…"_

"_I do when your little soap opera is screwing the entire pack over." _Uh-oh… poor choice of words…

"_I'm not screwing the entire pack, Perv. Just Embry." _I swear. She has the dirtiest mind in the entire pack.

"_Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to phase, but Leah…"_

"_Embry!" _ No one wanted to see what was causing the delay, especially Leah since she had a starring role in that little picture show.

"_Sorry, it's just so..."_

"_Difficult. The word is difficult, okay? You got that?" _I wasn't in the mood for any of his erectile humor. _ "Now listen up!" _ I couldn't help letting a little Alpha slip into the command. Too much time had gone by without knowing where Nessie was and I was getting anxious. At least I had everyone's undivided attention.

"_Quil, show everyone what Nessie said and how she looked this afternoon." _I wasn't expecting such a strong reaction from anyone, especially not from Leah. She was horrified and she was desperately trying to hide her thoughts… They were a muddled mess of words and images…

…_Madly in love with Bella … constantly fantasizing… kissing Bella in the forest…sharing a sleeping bag in a freezing tent…_

"_Stop it Jake! Get out of my head!" _

…_Demon spawn…kill the monster…no choice… imprint…_

I felt a cold sense of dread wash over me and settle in my gut.

"_Show me the entire conversation."_ I could feel Leah retreating behind a wall in her mind, so I did something I promised my pack I would never do. I used the full force of the Alpha command. _**"Show me NOW! Both of you!"**_

Leah and Embry dropped to the ground instantly, bowed by the weight of the command. I could feel their humiliation and Quil's fierce disapproval, but I didn't care. It was worse than I thought. If Nessie heard even a part of what Leah had said, it would devastate her. I had to find her. I had to explain…

Explain what? That I had been in love with her mother? That I had wanted to kill her before she was born? How do you explain something like that? What a freaking disaster! She was never supposed to find out about any of it. All that horrible, mixed up, and crazy stuff had happened in a different life—to a different man.

Where was she? I was going insane. Literally. It had been hours since Embry and Leah's fight. Was she running through the jungle right now? Confused, hurt, and hating me? This was my worst nightmare. I threw back my head and howled in frustration. I immediately felt Seth's mind join the pack's. He was appalled to find Leah and Embry groveling on the ground. Again, I simply did not care. _**"Find her! NOW!"**_

The pack split up and bolted through the jungle, noses to the ground, searching for her scent. It was everywhere, which made it that much harder to find the one that mattered. The one that would lead me to her.

Of course, it had to be Leah. She had to be the one to find her. Damn it! I was a hundred miles in the wrong direction following her hunting trail from the day before. _"Leah! Do not approach her! Stay out of sight and keep her under constant surveillance. _

"_What? No Alpha command? Are you sure you can trust me to follow orders without making me bow before you?"_

"_Lose the attitude Leah or I _will_ make it an order."_

Their chaotic thoughts invaded my mind like a swarm of killer bees. I thought my head was going to explode.

"_You leave her alone Jake…" "Cool it guys…" "He's crazy! He promised he would never…" "Shut up Leah, please just shut up for once…" "Stay out of this Seth!" _

"_**ENOUGH!" **__The entire pack hit the ground and I felt their collective shame and resentment... "Just help me deal with this, please! I will step down as Alpha and you can follow who ever you want. You can even go back to Sam's pack. I don't care. Just please help me fix this! Please!"_

"_Jake, no one is quitting the pack. Especially not you. We want to help you in any way we can. You don't need to go 'Alpha' on us, Buddy. Just tell us what you want us to do..." _Quil was the voice of reason in our heads.

"_I don't _know_ what I want you to do! I can't think! Someone tell me what to do!" _My sudden lack of leadership and confidence confused and frightened them.

The entire pack was beginning to panic—reacting to my hysteria. Leah stepped up and took control. How ironic. "_Nessie will not want the entire pack to witness this; so everyone stay out of sight. Jake, if you want to 'fix' this, get to her as fast as you can. The Cullen's chopper is on the ground, so at least some of them are here... Once they get her back home, she will be even more vulnerable to their influence. How close are you?"_

"_Not close enough." _The jungle was nothing more than a blur of silver-blue foliage and moonlight. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might burst. All I could think about was getting to Nessie. I had to see her with my own eyes. I had to touch her, hold her, smell her. I couldn't help it; I threw back my head and howled as I ran.

I was too late. Edward had Nessie on his lap and he was singing to her. Was she asleep? It looked like it. Edward's head snapped up. He whispered, "Yes, she is asleep. What have you done to my baby? If you've hurt her I swear I will tear you apart limb from limb."

Yes. I had hurt her.

His words would have pierced my heart if I still had one. I gave it to Nessie the day she was born, but I never missed it until today.

"Have you been physically intimate with my daughter?" His barely contained rage permeated the atmosphere like ozone before a lightening strike. Nessie began to stir, but Edward soothed her back to sleep.

Maybe I could work this to my advantage. If Nessie rejected me, I would want to die. I had agreed to kill him when we thought Bella was dying. Would he grant me the same release?

I purposely remembered a few intimate moments with Nessie to test his resolve. If she hadn't been sleeping on his lap, I'm sure he would have attacked me on the spot. I was immediately remorseful and filled with shame. This was my soul mate I was putting on display before her father. Even if she rejected me, I could not dishonor her in this way.

Leah moved to my flank and addressed Edward. She replayed once again her fight with Embry. Edward growled several times until she shared an old memory of Edward begging me to offer my "stud services" to Bella...

Begging her to abort his child and substitute mine. His face went completely slack before twisting into a tortured mask of disgrace.

"Does she know?" It was barely a whisper. Even with super-sonic wolf hearing, I could barely understand his words. Now he knows how I feel.

"_No, she only knows about me…"_

Suddenly the full weight of my loss hit me. _I am losing Nessie_. _Maybe I've already lost her. _

I wondered if this was how it felt when an imprint died. No wolf ever lived very long after his imprint's death. Life has no meaning when the very reason you exist is gone. The legends claim we only have one mortal enemy—the "cold ones"—we should add broken hearts to the list of things that kill.

I felt the echo of my agony reverberate through the pack so I phased to spare them. This was worse than anything I had felt before. What I had imagined to be a boiling ocean of pain when Bella rejected me was nothing. It was a warm bubble bath compared to this. Being crushed by a newborn vampire, hearing and feeling my bones snap. That was nothing more than a friendly hug. No, this was real pain—unimaginable, unbearable, horrific pain—and it paralyzed me.

To my surprise, Leah phased and stood beside me. She untied her sundress from her ankle and slipped it on quickly. I was too devastated to care about my own nudity. Leah simply untied my shorts and handed them to me. "I draw the line at dressing you Jake, you're going to have to do that yourself."

I don't actually remember pulling my shorts on, so maybe she dressed me after all. It didn't matter one way or the other. Nothing mattered. I was empty; all that I had ever been was gone—drained away, leaving nothing but pain and misery in my chest where my heart used to be.

"Jake, pay attention. Nessie is awake now. Edward is pretending he doesn't know why she's upset."

Why would he do that? Does he think it's supposed to be therapeutic or something? "_Come on Edward! Hasn't she been hurt enough by all the secrets and lies?" _ Whether she had rejected me or not, I still felt an uncontrollable need to protect her.

There was no protection for me. I squeezed my eyes shut and ground my teeth together but I still heard the pain in Nessie's voice and her unbearable accusations…

"**He wanted to kill me even before I was born! How could you let him anywhere near me? I know you were reading his murderous thoughts. Didn't you care? I was as innocent and helpless as Morgan's baby and he thought of me as a soulless monster that needed to be exterminated!" **

"Oh no….How can I fix this? Leah, help me! Tell me what to do!" Leah had tears flowing down her face as fast as my own. Without a word, she pulled my head next to her heart and smothered my anguished cries against her breast. There was nothing sensual or erotic about it.

I had been so young when my mother died. I didn't remember ever being comforted in this manner—but I could feel a mother's love as Leah rocked me back and forth and let me cry.

"**Nessie, he does love you. He has always loved you since the first day he saw you…"**

"_Thank you Edward! Thank you."_

"**That's not love! It's supernatural magic! It's not real!" **

Not real? She thought my love wasn't real? Just because it began with imprinting. How is that fair? On what scale of justice does two months of believing a lie out weigh _years_ of love and devotion?

"**Why are you defending him? I thought you were completely opposed to me marrying… Ja-Jacob." **

She could barely say my name. It sounded like she choked on it. She must really hate me if she can't even say my name.

I had always loved the way my name sounded on her lips. Even when she was little and over pronounced the "B" at the end of Jacob, making it pop, it had delighted me. Just this afternoon she made my entire body ache with desire simply by whispering my name.

Now it sounded like a curse… It hurt her to say my name.

"**What I feel doesn't matter anymore. You're right; I do love him, but…**

She loves me? I sat up and wiped the tears from my face. "Leah, did I hear that right? She still loves me?"

"That's what she said. Now pay attention." Leah patted my hand and then just held it in hers.

"**What if he un-imprints? Will he start hating me again? Will he want to kill me?"**

What! How can she think that? Imprint—Un-imprint what does it matter whether I imprinted or not? I didn't imprint on some inanimate object or generic person. I imprinted on _her. _I _know_ her. Imprinting didn't force me to love her. It simply showed me where my heart belonged.

_No one knows you as well I do, Nessie! Listen to your heart! I know you can feel my love. I know it! _I silently pleaded, praying she would believe it.

"Jake, are you listening?" Leah was shaking my shoulder, trying to get my attention. "Edward is defending you!"

"Jake spent every minute of your life loving you and learning all about you. He knows you better than anyone else does. So even if he were able to _un-imprint_ he would still love you just as much because of who you are."

"_Thank you Edward!"_

"**You can't possibly know that!" **

_Listen to him Nessie! Please just listen. Listen to your heart!_

"Yes I can."

"**No you can't! Not unless you're reading his… He's here, isn't he?"**

"Yes."

My heart stopped beating and I held my breath as I waited for her reaction.

"_Edward,_ _I promise I will do everything in my power to make her happy and keep her safe."_

Edward placed his hands on Nessie's cheeks and kissed her forehead. He looked at me over the top of her head, mouthed "You better," and smiled. He motioned behind her back for me to join them in the clearing.

I hesitated for a moment and Leah gave me a firm shove in the right direction. "Get out there Jake before I have to kick your butt."

Life is so strange. I had been so afraid of Edward's reaction to our wedding plans—and not without cause—but it was Edward that testified of my love to his daughter. Edward convinced her to give me another chance…

"Go to him Nessie. He needs you. If you are going to be his wife, you need to learn how to work things out together. I will always love you, but I won't interfere or allow you to run home when you fight with your mate."

I had been listening and watching behind the tree line but I was not prepared for the anguished look on her face. She gasped when she saw me and I could only imagine what was going through her head. I was completely vulnerable. I stood naked before her—worse than naked—totally exposed without skin, bones, or flesh. My soul was bare and trembling before her as I anticipated judgment.

It seemed to take forever. I was shaking with dread—consumed by guilt and grief. I rarely thought about dying, but when I did; I imagined it would be in battle with some leech ripping me apart. I never thought it would be like this. The anguish in my beloved's eyes was burning me alive, boiling me in acid, and crushing my chest. Tremors racked me and I wondered what shape my body would assume in death. Wolf or man? Did it matter?

_Let me die. Please let me die now, I can't endure another second of her pain. _

She took a step toward me and opened her arms. Within seconds, I was on my knees and embracing her. I couldn't believe it. She was in my arms. She wove her fingers through my hair and pushed my head onto her chest. When she rested her chin on the top of my head, I thought maybe I had died. Maybe this was heaven.

No, this was not heaven. I felt her tears fall on my head and knew that she was still suffering. She was still in pain and it was because of me. This wasn't over. She could still reject me. This embrace could be our last… a final gesture of farewell.

I don't know what triggered it, but every traumatic moment of my life flashed through my mind… Clinging to the handles of my mother's casket so they couldn't lower it into the ground… Rebecca moving so far from home I knew I may never see her again… believing I lost Embry's friendship when he joined Sam's "cult"… the despair when I first phased and learned of my true nature… the months of loneliness when I ran away and lived as a wolf… believing Bella was already dead while performing CPR on her broken and bleeding body.

Maybe this parade of grief was my subconscious mind trying to convince me I could survive losing Nessie. I knew better. This combined sorrow did not equal the pain I felt now. I heard what sounded like the tortured screams of a trapped animal and was shocked when I realized I was sobbing.

Nessie didn't push me away, she only held me tighter. As my sobbing subsided, I could hear the steady beat of her heart. I began to believe there was hope for redemption. I don't know how long we clung to each other, it could have been hours or only minutes, but it wasn't long enough. Nessie slid her hands from my head to my shoulders and gently tugged. I stood up and tried to look into her eyes. She wouldn't look at me, but I could tell she was frowning. I wished I could read her mind. I needed to talk to her, but I didn't know how to begin. We were almost back to the campsite and we still hadn't said a word to each other.

"Why did you run away from me, Nessie? Was it because of what Leah said?" What a stupid question! Of course, that's why she ran.

"I can't deal with this tonight Jake. I know you think you love me and that it is real in spite of imprinting but…"

My heart, mind, and body had been broken today. The only thing that remained was my love for her. That's all I had left and she didn't believe it was "real"?

"You have no idea how much I love you!" I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but I couldn't help it. If this was my only chance to convince her of my love, I wasn't going to let her to ignore me. "Don't you dare say my love for you isn't 'real' Renesmee, don't you dare."

She finally looked into my eyes and I willed her to believe me, to believe in my love. It must have been too intense because she dropped her gaze and stared at the ground. I felt awful for allowing my desperation to overwhelm her. I tried to lower my voice, but without the indignation, I could barely speak.

"Nessie, how can you doubt me?" It was barely audible, not even a whisper, but I hoped she could feel what I wanted to say. "_Trust me, believe me, forgive me… love me." _ All I managed to croak out was, "How can you think I would ever be able to live without you?"

"Jake, I don't want to think about it tonight. I'm too tired and confused and I doubt if I will be able to make any sense. Can we please wait until tomorrow?"

Wait until tomorrow? Why? Was this her way of avoiding a scene? Did she plan to sneak off tonight after I fell asleep? I wouldn't blame her if she did. I had given free rein to all my grief in front of her. _What the hell was wrong with me!_ I was supposed to protect her, not subject her to my emotional breakdowns. She needed me to be strong.

I reached out and caressed her cheek, hoping to reassure her, but I couldn't keep the tears from overflowing.

I struggled to keep my voice from shaking, "Of course Nessie. We can wait until morning, just please promise me you won't…" _Come on Jake. Be strong for her._ "...you won't leave me tonight." The grief and fear were overwhelming. I nearly choked but managed to keep it under control.

"Shush Jake, please don't cry. I promise I won't leave you tonight."

Nessie had never broken a promise, but I still felt like she could disappear at any moment. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I was afraid to blink; there was no way I would be able to sleep. Her hammock was directly above mine, so I could at least rest while I watched her sleep.

"Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?" _Yes, tonight and every night for the rest of my life._

She was blushing, silly girl. I understood her offer was one of comfort, not passion and all I wanted to do was hold her next to me all night long. I was too drained for anything else. I knew we had a lot of issues to work through, but she was still mine—at least for tonight.

**A/N This was really long and difficult to write, but I think it was worth it. I'm not sure whether to leave it here as part of the story or make it a one-shot like Nahuel's. Please leave a review if you have a preference.**

**Voting is open at the Indie Awards web site. Go to…**

**(w w w) (dot) theindietwificawards (dot) com **

**The info contained in parenthesis needs to be edited. FanFiction does not allow outside links so I had to be a little creative.**


	21. How Do I Love Thee

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter 21: "How do I Love Thee?"

Nessie was dreaming of the river again. The familiar nightmare had new elements of terror tonight. No matter how hard she tried to hang on, Jake kept slipping away from her. She felt the suffocating pressure of the water as the current pulled her under repeatedly. She had to find Jake. She had to save him. She couldn't see anything in the murky water. She couldn't find his scent, all she could smell was the sour, musty odor of the river. Jake would drown if she didn't find him soon. Where was he?

She was more human in this dream, more fragile. The rocks and tree branches embedded in the muck tore at her body as the current drug her along the river bottom. She finally surfaced spitting water and gasping for air. Jake was on the riverbank, her mother was crouched over his lifeless form, performing CPR. Nessie swam harder, calling Jake's name, but the current raged against her. It seemed to take hours for her to reach the bank and crawl to Jacob's side. That's when she realized Bella was not trying to save his life. She was draining him.

"Get away from him! Stop it Mom! You're killing him! You're killing Jacob!" Nessie tried to pull her mother off his body, but she wasn't strong enough. Bella lifted her face from Jake's ravaged throat and glared at her with maroon eyes. Blood dripped from her mouth as she hissed, "He's mine!"

"Wake up Nessie! Wake up it's just a dream. You're okay Sweetheart, I'm right here."

She opened her eyes and Jake's face was only inches from hers. Concern pulled his eyebrows together and the corners of his mouth down into a worried frown. He was alive. Jacob was safe. Nessie wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a desperate embrace. He responded by pulling her on top of his body and wrapping his arms around her.

"You're okay, baby. You're okay." He continued to whisper reassurances as he rubbed her back.

She was drenched in sweat. For a moment, Nessie wondered if she had actually been in the river. No, it was just a dream. She was in Jake's hammock. He was right here with her. They were safe. She instinctively placed her hand on his cheek to show him her terrifying dream and felt him stiffen. She became more lucid as awareness replaced her dream. She moaned in despair as she remembered… Jake did not love her. All the horrible revelations of yesterday crashed down on her and she wished she could return to her nightmare.

She tried to pull her hand away when Jake shuddered, but he held it tightly to his cheek and refused to let her withdraw.

"Why do you insist on believing that lie? I love you more than anything else… more than my tribe… more than my pack… more than my own life."

She struggled even harder, but he would not release her hand. "No! Damn it Renesmee. You will listen to me and you will share your thoughts so I can understand what is going on with you. I have to fix this."

"How dare you! You have no right to invade my mind!" She was furious. No one had ever done this to her before.

"I'm sorry Renesmee, but this is too important." He grabbed her other wrist and placed that hand on his face as well.

She let all the anger and resentment she was feeling flow through her hands and into his mind. Jake groaned from the onslaught, but still held her captive. "I understand Nessie, and I wish you could read my thoughts and feel my emotions. Maybe then, you would believe me when I say… **I. Love. You**." Jake was shouting the words through clenched teeth. **"Do you love me, Renesmee? Do you?"**

This was so unfair. "_Yes, you son of a bitch, I love you! I love you more than anything else, more than my family, more than my life, more than…"_

Jake released her mind and grabbed her head in his giant hands. He pulled her head down to meet his and crushed his mouth against hers. They had shared many different kinds of kisses: tender, gentle, passionate, desperate, lustful, slow and burning, quick and affectionate; but never had he kissed her like this.

This kiss was aggressive, forceful and angry. She did not like it. She tried to pull away, but he just deepened the kiss. He must have misinterpreted her struggling for passion. She tried to slide off his body, but he was holding her so tightly it was hard to move. She managed to snake one hand up to his face. She blasted him with multiple images and feelings all at once. Nahuel ripping her shirt off—fear. Jake kissing her mother—revulsion. Jake kissing her against her will—anger and betrayal. Her fist breaking Jake's nose—pleasure.

She found herself instantly on her feet standing in front of Jake. He was gripping her upper arms and shoulders tightly and staring wide-eyed and terrified into her eyes. "Oh Nessie, I'm so sorry! I thought… when I saw that you loved me and wanted me… I thought…"

She broke his grasp and slapped him as hard as she could across his face. "No Jake. That's the problem. You didn't think. All you did was act. Nessie turned her back and took three steps toward home before she heard her father's voice in her head.

"_Go to him Nessie. He needs you. If you are going to be his wife, you need to learn to work things out together."_

She squeezed her eyes shut, balled her hands into fists, and clenched her jaw but that didn't silence his voice.

"_I will always love you and be here for you, but I won't interfere or allow you to run home when you fight with your mate."_

She growled in frustration and yelled into the jungle, "Why does everything have to be so damn hard!"

"Because you're so damn hot?" Jake said, as if it were a question, and then laughed nervously. "Sorry."

Nessie laughed in spite of herself and turned around shaking her head. "That is so far beyond inappropriate for this situation it's absurd." Jake's shoulders relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upward. Nessie glared at him and his eyes widened with apprehension. "Just because you made me laugh does not mean you are forgiven Jacob Black. Not yet."

"Not yet? So maybe someday you will forgive me?" He swallowed loudly and the look on his face was so full of hope Nessie couldn't torture him any longer.

"Yes Jake, I plan to forgive you—for everything. I just don't know how."

Jake ducked his head and looked at her from under his lashes. "Um… can I give you a hug?"

Nessie sighed, puffing out her cheeks, as she exhaled. "Okay, but no kissing."

Jake wrapped his arms around her gently and she rested her head on his chest above his heart. He caressed her cheek and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "Oh! Sorry… um I wasn't thinking… Again."

Nessie smiled against Jake's hand and he sighed with relief. "It's okay Jake. Those kinds of kisses are just fine."

"It sounds like we need to redefine the boundaries of our relationship." His husky voice resonated in his chest and the vibration tickled her cheek.

"Yeah, for now anyway." Nessie pulled back from the hug, but kept her arms around Jake's waist. "The most important boundary to me right now is that you _never_ invade my mind again. When I want to share my gift with you I'll let you know."

"I'm so sorry Nessie; I was just desperate to…" Nessie pinched Jake's lips closed with her index finger and thumb.

"I'm not done speaking, not by a long shot. Can you listen without interrupting?" Jake nodded his head so she released his mouth.

"The other thing you can never ever do again is kiss me like you did a minute ago. I don't like… No I _hate_ feeling like you were using me…"

"I wasn't using…" She pinched his lips again.

"I hate _feeling_ like you were using me whether you were or not. I did not _feel_ loved or cherished, or even desired. I _felt_ used."

Jake tried to speak, but the sound was completely unintelligible. Nessie gave his lips a little pinch.

"I'm still not done, so shush. I want to move the boundaries of our physical relationship back to the earliest days of our first kiss. I don't want you to kiss me passionately until I can get the image of you kissing my mother out of my head."

Jake groaned but didn't attempt to speak until Nessie released his lips.

"Are you done now? Is it my turn?" Jake sounded a little indignant.

"Yes, it is your turn." Nessie let go of Jake and folded her arms across her chest.

"I am so sorry for offending you. I will never force you to share your thoughts with me again, no matter how desperate I am. I will try to make you feel loved, cherished, and desired every time I kiss you.

"I can't read your mind so you have to tell me or show me if I upset you." Jake reached out and wrapped one of Nessie's curls around his finger. He chewed his lip and looked hesitant, as if he didn't want to say what was on his mind.

"Spit it out Jake, I can't read your mind either."

He took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out as he exhaled. "I would really appreciate it if you never hit me again."

"That couldn't possibly have hurt you. You are twice as strong as…"

Jake didn't pinch her mouth shut, but he did place his finger across her lips. "It didn't hurt my face. It hurt _me_." He slid his finger from her lips to her chin and lifted her face gently as he gazed into her eyes. He lightly trailed his fingers down her throat, across her collarbone, over her shoulder and down her arm. He wove his fingers through hers, lifted her hand to his heart, and whispered, "You hurt me."

Nessie felt her face flush with shame. "I'm sorry Jake; I won't ever hit you again. I promise." She swallowed the lump in her throat and lowered her gaze.

"I want to talk about the stuff that came up yesterday Nessie, but I don't know how. I am so afraid of losing you." Jake closed his eyes and Nessie felt her heart soften.

"Me too, Jake. I don't know where to start—how to begin. But we have to deal with it some how."

"Okay, how about this… why don't you tell me what is bothering you the most and I'll try to explain what happened."

"All right, what upsets me the most is this whole imprinting business. I am having a hard time believing that you really love me." Nessie squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to escape.

Jake groaned out loud. "I don't know what else to say, Nessie. How many different ways can I say I love you? Do you want me to count them?" All the tension in Jake's face disappeared as he closed his eyes. The corners of his mouth lifted into the sweet smile that always melted Nessie's heart. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways"

"I love the way you cock your head to the side and look up to the left when something puzzles you. I love the way you hold your chin in the palm of your hand when you listen to the legends and stories of my people. I love the way you imitate Rose and Alice when you try to influence me with your feminine wiles. I love the way you throw back your head and laugh with your whole body. I love how you give yourself over completely to the hunt, moving with such feline grace and power it takes my breath away. I love the intensity of your eyes as you drain your kill. I love your compassion for others. I love your intelligent mind and quick wit. I love the beauty of your soul. I love how you love _me_."

Nessie didn't even notice the tears flowing down her cheeks. "That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, Jacob. Thank you." There was no denying his sincerity. It was obvious he believed his love was real. Maybe it was enough. What difference did it make as long as he believed it? She knew her love was real. They had been deliriously happy just two days ago. Would it be wrong to just accept his imprinted devotion if it made him happy? She would give anything to go back to the way things were. After all, the only thing that had changed was her perception of reality.

She almost did it. She almost believed him. Her heart was beginning to swell with joy when the cursed image of Jake crouched and ready to spring came into her mind. She recognized the image. It wasn't just her imagination embellishing Leah's words. She _remembered_!

She was in Rosalie's arms and had just finished drinking a cup of blood. Rose lifted her up in the air and she could see the giant man crouched behind the sofa. He was shaking. His muscles rolled and contorted beneath his skin. She was amused at the time. He looked funny and she didn't know enough to be afraid. She smiled at him, he looked in her eyes and… he changed. She saw him imprint. She remembered it. It was even more dramatic than she had imagined. There was no way that could have happened without magic of some sort.

Jake was staring at her, waiting for her to respond. What could she say that wouldn't break his heart? How could she explain it? She _couldn't _explain it, but she could share it. "Jake, come here. I want to show you something."

She took a deep cleansing breath and relaxed her mind and body before placing her palms on his cheeks. She wanted him to see and feel exactly what she had the day of the imprint. She did not want to distort the memory with her currently conflicted emotions.

"Oh." Jake sighed. "I see. Yes, of course. Now I understand." She felt his body relax and released him from her mind.

Jake kissed both of her palms and curled his hands around hers as he placed them on his chest.

"Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest. I hope you can handle it. I also hope Edward doesn't kill me." He knit his eyebrows together and bit his lip before continuing.

"Do you believe your father loves you?" Jake's face revealed the turmoil of his thoughts. It frightened and confused her.

"Of course he loves me. What does that have to do with imprinting? _He_ didn't have to be zapped by a curse to love me. _He_ didn't want to kill me…" She gasped as the awful realization hit her. Maybe he had. She knew her mother almost died while she was pregnant with her. What would she be willing to sacrifice to save Jake's life? The answer was absolutely _anything. _

"Did he… did he want to abort me?" She steeled herself, but it was still a terrible blow when Jake whispered…

"Yes, but it was only because he didn't know you and he was afraid of losing Bella. Once he was able to communicate with you, to connect with you like you did with Morgan's baby. He loved you. It happened in an instant. One second he … he hated you—I'm sorry; I know that hurts—but the next second he loved you so much he was willing to risk Bella's life to save yours. She is his soul mate and it would have destroyed him if she had died.

"He didn't need magic to change how he felt. He was able to feel the love you had for Bella while in the womb and so he learned a little bit about you. That little bit was enough to change fear and hate into love and hope. Never doubt that your father loves you. He was willing to die for you; he is willing to live in isolation to protect you from Aro, and the hardest thing of all… He is willing to let you go—to let you make your own choices. Do you believe me when I say Edward loves you with all his heart?"

She knew it was true. All of it. "Yes, I believe you."

"Do you believe me when I say that I love you?" She could hear and feel his heart pounding and she wanted to say yes, she wanted to make him happy, but she couldn't lie about something so important.

"I love you Jacob. I truly do, with all my heart and I can't live without you. I still want to marry you so what difference does it make if I believe your love is real or not? As long as we're together and make each other happy that's all that matters."

"I see." Jake was grinding his teeth. He dropped her hands and clenched his so tightly into fists that his white knuckles looked like drops of white paint across his russet brown skin. He was trembling and in danger of phasing for a brief moment. He took a deep breath and whispered, "So, where do we go from here?"

"How about home? Let's go home Jake. I want to see my family. I want to talk to my parents." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "At least you know Daddy is on your side. He believes your love is real."

"Yeah, there is that. How ironic."


	22. Embry's Eyes

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter.**

Chapter 22: Embry's Eyes

_And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell.—Matthew 18:9_

**Embry Call's point of view:**

"Jacob! Leah! Quil! Somebody help me!" Seth was screaming so loud it hurt my ears and that's saying a lot because my eyes were already overloading all the pain receptors in my brain.

I knew it was going to hurt. Hell, I expected to pass out from the pain, but I didn't know anything could hurt that bad. I was afraid I wouldn't have the courage to do it twice, so I found a forked stick that fit my face and sharpened the tips with my knife. I don't know how long I stared at that damn stick before I made the first attempt. I didn't even touch my eyes before my hands started shaking. I thought about trying to fall on it, but didn't want to shove the whole thing through my brain. No, I just wanted to be sure that I could never look in some girl's eyes and imprint. I promised Leah I would never leave her, but she just wouldn't believe me, so I had to take drastic measures. This was about as drastic as it gets.

"Embry, can you hear me? What happened? Were you attacked?" Seth sounded like he might be close to phasing. At least he wasn't screaming in my ears anymore.

"Not exactly. Calm down kid and step back, I'm gonna puke."

I must have passed out. When I came to, I felt a thick bandage around my head covering my eyes. Or what was left of my eyes, anyway. "Leah?" I barely managed to croak out her name. She must have been close. I felt her hands on my cheeks immediately.

"I'm here Embry, right here." She sounded like she was crying and that made me feel like a jerk. I didn't want to make her cry. I just wanted to make her feel secure. I wanted her to stop worrying about me imprinting. "What have you done? Your beautiful eyes… Oh Embry why would you do such a thing?"

Leah, this is a good thing. If I can't see, I can't look in anyone's eyes and everyone knows that's how it happens."

"I don't believe this! I won't believe this! Are you telling me you poked out your eyes with a stick just to avoid imprinting?"

"No Leah, I poked out my eyes so you wouldn't have an excuse to not marry me."

"Embry you dumb freak, what makes you think I will marry you now?"

"Because you're crying. You wouldn't cry if you didn't love me."

"Open up your ears idiot. Everyone is crying and I'm willing to bet Nessie doesn't love you."

"Um… sorry Leah but I think I'm gonna puke again." That was not fun. I was puking because of the pain, and puking made the pain worse. Leah's hand on my forehead felt so good, so comforting.

"Well I guess that proves you love me, Leah."

"What are you talking about?" She was wiping my mouth with a wet rag of some sort, so I waited until she finished.

"You sure as hell wouldn't hold my head while I puked if you didn't love me."

"Yeah, I guess that proves it, Embry. Nothing says 'I love you' quite like vomit."

"So does that mean you'll marry me?" I tried to sound casual so I could brush it off as a joke if she said 'no'."

"Are you really proposing marriage right after throwing up on me?"

"Yup."

"How romantic… NOT! Oh well, at least we'll have a funny story to tell at our reception."

"Come on Leah… Wait… did you say reception... As in wedding reception? Does that mean yes?"

"Yeah Embry that means yes. Traditionally that would call for a kiss, but you just puked so I'm going to pass on that if you don't mind."

"Oh wow, Leah! I mean thank you… I mean… I love you… Wow! Hey everyone, Leah said 'yes' we're getting married!" I felt her lips on my forehead so I reached up and searched her face with my hands. She was still crying. I hoped it was because she was happy.

"Okay Embry, that's enough celebrating for now. Dr. Cullen is here to assess the damage." Jake sounded more than a little pissed off. He probably wasn't too happy about having a blind wolf in the pack. Sorry Jake, but as long as I have Leah I don't care about anything else.

"Embry, I'm going to give you something for the pain. You might feel a little pinch as I inject the morphine." I hardly felt the needle at all, but the morphine was wonderful. The pain was still there, but it was definitely easier to handle. It burned like hell when Dr. Fang, I mean Carlisle, unwrapped the bandages and poured something cold into the wounds, but at least I didn't scream—or puke.

I drifted in and out of sleep and half the time I didn't know if I were dreaming or listening to real conversations. Most of the time I didn't care. Leah never left my side. Every time I whispered her name, she was right there beside me, holding my hand or pressing kisses onto my forehead. Man, I love that woman.

It's hard to believe Leah's not my imprint. It's the same feeling—the unbreakable bond, the "pull" of a new center of gravity—I feel that with Leah. I can't tell any difference, except for the fact that it didn't happen instantly with me. There wasn't any magical, sudden realization that she was my soul mate the first time I looked in her eyes.

In fact, I was terrified of Leah for the first couple of months after she joined the pack. She was hurting so bad from Sam dumping her that she made everyone miserable. I did my best to stay out of her way and out of her mind.

At first, it was just a physical attraction. We all felt it. I mean come on! She was always exploding out of her clothes and hell, there was no way any of us could keep from looking. Except Sam, he only had eyes for Emily. Oh yeah, and Seth, of course. He was very skilful at avoiding his sister.

As the other guys began to imprint Leah and I became friends. She started to open up to me and we would talk for hours about everything and nothing at all. One night we were talking and she started to explain why she had such a problem with all the imprints and not just Emily.

When she started phasing, she quit having periods. Yeah I know, that's female stuff; but when you love a woman, you get used to it. Hell, Sam even buys tampons. Anyway, it really affects her self-esteem every time one of the imprints gets pregnant. Sam likes to spout the theory that imprinting is essential to passing on superior wolf genes. Since no one imprinted on Leah and she can't get pregnant, she feels like a genetic dead end.

I could tell she was feeling sad. Her eyes were glistening and I was afraid she might start to cry or something. So I tried to make her feel better.

"At least you don't need to worry about birth control." She phased on the spot and took a good-sized chunk out of my butt for that comment. It took days for it to heal, but it was worth it. When she saw how much damage she had inflicted, she phased back to human and wow! She didn't even try to cover herself. She has the most amazing body. Damn, I'm gonna miss seeing that.

She tried to control the bleeding by applying pressure to the wound, and if it hadn't hurt so much I would have enjoyed it. About a week after she bit me, we spent the night together. My mom was gone for the weekend so it was perfect. We didn't do much, but it was the first time she let me kiss her. I tried to convince her it was okay to take her clothes off since I'd already seen her naked. That didn't go over too well, but at least she didn't bite me again.

Thinking about Leah naked is a great distraction from the pain. The morphine was wearing off, and I could use a little distraction.

"Leah, come here." She was right there, kissing my forehead and stroking my arms.

"How are you doing? What's your pain level? Do you want another shot?" She could be down right nurturing when she wanted.

"No baby, I just want you." I found her face and let my fingers slide down her jaw, her neck, her shoulder… She grabbed my wrist before I could go any lower and growled quietly at me.

"Embry Call! We are not alone and you are in no shape for that kind of activity!"

"Um… Leah, I think you'll find I'm in perfect shape for that kind of activity." I couldn't help messing with her a little.

"I swear Embry, you are incorrigible!"

"I love it when you talk dirty, baby." Teasing Leah was a decent distraction from the pain as well.

"Embry!" She twisted my nipple and I yelped in pain. I immediately felt a needle prick and the numbing sensation of spreading morphine. I'll bet that was the first time any one has ever been given morphine for a tittytwister. I was off to dreamland again. Some of the dreams were extremely good…Ahhhh….Leah.

I vaguely remembered bits and pieces of conversation…

"At the rate he's burning through the morphine, the supply will be gone by nightfall. I need to get him back to the compound." That was bad news. Morphine was my new best friend.

"Careful Jake! Don't jostle him." Leah? It didn't sound like her, but the voice was definitely female. Oh yeah, Nessie was here.

"Okay listen up, we have a lot of medical equipment in the chopper and Carlisle needs room to work so I'm only taking two of you in addition to Embry. I'll turn right around and come back for the rest of you and your gear. I'll be back in about four hours. Be ready to go when I get here." That sounded like Blondie. She was the helicopter pilot. We must be going back to the compound in the chopper. Cool. Except I didn't need a helicopter. I was already flying. Wooo…. Hooo….

"How much morphine did you give him?" Leah sounded worried. Poor girl, maybe she was afraid of flying with the vamps.

"Leah, you can go with me, Baby. Climb on my back, I can fly. Look Leah… I'm floating… Wheee…."

I have no memory of the helicopter ride, which is a total bummer. I would've loved to see the jungle from the air. Oh yeah... I can't see… Crap… This blindness thing is starting to suck. It's still worth it.

I woke up inside some kind of building. The air reeked with the sickening stench of vampires. "Somebody open a window, please."

"There aren't any windows in here Embry. This is an operating room. You are recovering from surgery. I had to remove your left eye. The right one was not as bad, so I was able to repair it somewhat. Unfortunately, I was not able to restore your vision. I'm sorry. Try to rest and let the pain medication do its job."

"Don't be sorry Doc, it was what I wanted." I couldn't smell Leah, or anyone else except for Carlisle. "Where's Leah? I need to see Leah." I wasn't going to be "seeing" anything ever again, but he knew what I meant.

"She's waiting just outside the door, Son. If I let her in, will promise to rest quietly?"

"Sure, just bring her to me." My right eye really hurt. It burned and itched like crazy. When I tried to raise my hands to my face, freezing cold bands of iron circled my wrists.

"No Embry. You must resist the urge to disturb the bandages." I didn't like the feeling of being restrained by a vampire, even one as cool as Carlisle. No pun intended. I started trembling and he let go. I clenched my hands into fists and forced them to stay away from my face.

"Leah can hold me down, go get her." I didn't mean to sound so bossy, but it was hard to think about good manners when I all I wanted to do was rip off the bandages and claw my eye out all over again. I wished he had removed both eyes. My right eye hurt much worse than the empty left socket. The empty socket didn't itch either, and the itching was actually worse than the pain. It was driving me crazy.

Leah was great. She refused to leave my side even for a minute. When Doc insisted she go get some sleep—she actually growled at him. I wish I could have seen the look on his face.

Jake brought us food and claimed he cooked it himself. It wasn't too bad, especially with Leah feeding it to me. When she hand-fed me some kind of berry, I managed to grab her hand and lick the juice off her fingers. She tasted better than the fruit.

I was still sucking on her fingers when a blinding flash of pain seared my right eye. I couldn't help it. I sat up and screamed. I felt Leah's arms around me trying to restrain me. "Leah, get back! I'm gonna phase." She jumped back just in time. I felt the hospital bed collapse beneath me as my clothing and bandages disintegrated into tiny bits of fluff. I heard Leah move across the room and felt her soft hands rub the sensitive spot behind my ears. I opened my eyes, or rather my eye, and was shocked to see her staring right back at me.

What the hell? How is that possible? I blinked a couple of times as Leah's mouth fell open. "Embry... Your eye… It's healed. Can you see?" I sighed and nodded. The right eye didn't hurt anymore; the left eye was still missing. I guess even super wolf healing doesn't include regeneration of missing parts. That's good to know.

I had only been blind for what... a couple of days? I was really enjoying _seeing_ again. I drank the sight of Leah in hungrily and wished I could get her to take off her clothes. I nipped at her shirt but she just swatted my nose. Even though sex is impossible while in wolf form, I could still enjoy staring at the sheer beauty and perfection of her body.

"_Embry! What are you doing wolfing around? Hey, stop thinking about my sister like that! Gross! You aren't supposed to phase until… wait… can you see? I can see Leah! Wow! Embry that's great... Does Jake know you can see?"_

"_Seth stop howling, everyone's going to think we're under attack." _You would think that after all these years he would be able to control himself a little better. I decided to go ahead and phase back to human before the vamps came bursting through the door. I wasn't completely under control and I didn't want to attack anyone.

I could still see even after returning to human form. Oh no. I could still see. I could still imprint! Damn it to hell and back! I went through all that pain and it didn't even work. Leah looked shocked. "I'm sorry Leah. Don't worry; I'm sure I can talk the good doctor into removing my eye. See, my left one is still gone."

"No! I won't let you! What kind of a selfish, psycho, bitch do you think I am? I don't want you to be blind!"

"Will you still marry me, even if I'm not blind?"

"Yes Embry, I'll still marry you. If you were brave enough and stupid enough to poke out your eyes. I guess I can be brave enough and stupid enough to marry you."

I opened my arms and she jumped me. I guess Seth must have warned everyone because they all left us alone until we opened the door. I wasn't surprised to see Jake and Quil standing in the doorway, but I was surprised to see Nessie. I may have a reputation as the pack pervert, but it embarrassed me to think sweet little Nessie Cullen might have heard what was happening on the other side of the door.

Carlisle was thrilled with my new eye, but felt horrible for removing the left one. "If I had just left it alone, you would have both eyes by now. I'm so sorry Embry."

"Good grief Doc! Quit apologizing. It's not like _you_ poked out my eyes. Hey, do you have one of those cool eye patches like pirates wear?"

"No, sorry Embry, I don't. Emmett might have one, though. He and Rosalie enjoy all the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movies; I believe they both have complete pirate costumes." Gag! Was Carlisle really that naïve? Maybe he was just messing with me. I forgot all about pirates when he started poking around on my left eye socket. It was annoying, but at least it didn't hurt anymore. "It seems the socket has completely healed. No scarring or other abnormalities except for the missing eye of course. I think you are ready to join the rest of us back at the tree house."

Nessie was hopping up and down and bouncing like her aunt the pixie vamp. "Come on you guys! You'll never guess what they brought back from Italy!"

"Knowing the Cullen's I am going to guess a Lamborghini or two." Quil, Jake, Nessie, and Carlisle all laughed.

"Ha! Not even close!" Nessie was so excited she actually grabbed our hands and started pulling us toward the tree house. Leah rolled her eyes, but allowed Nessie to tow us away. Jake was grinning from ear to ear so I still thought it might be a car.

Nessie was right. I wasn't even close.

"Come back here you little monster!" Emmett was chasing a little boy across the yard—a very fast, very strong little boy. "Damn it, he's going up the tree again. A little help Nessie?"

No one can climb a tree faster than Nessie Cullen. She flew up the tree next to the one the "little monster" was in, jumped across and landed just above the kid. "Okay Georgie, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Which do you want?"

I figured out why they were calling the kid a "little monster." He curled back his lips and snarled at Nessie. "Okay, the hard way it is." Nessie grabbed the back of the kid's shirt and tossed him into the air. Emmett ran back a few yards and caught him. The little monster promptly bit him.

Emmett howled in pain and pinched the kid's cheeks to pry his jaws apart. "Alright George, that bite just earned you another time out!" I heard laughter coming from the tree house. "Don't laugh. You'll only encourage him."

I was speechless. Most people bring back a t-shirt, or a shot glass as a souvenir. The Cullen's bring back a kid? Not just any kid, this little guy had to be one of the hybrids Aro was breeding. I must have looked like an idiot standing there with my jaw gaping.

Leah was in shock too, but at least she looks cute with her mouth hanging open. Me—not so much.

Nessie hopped out of the tree and landed right in front of us. "Isn't he the cutest thing ever?" I didn't know what to say. Sure, he was cute, but so are baby sharks. The kid was an obvious menace to humanity. I wondered what the Cullens would do if they couldn't train him. I'll bet Aro didn't feed the kid milk and cookies either.

"They are a little out of control and the change in their diet is stressful for them, but I'm sure with a little love and patience they can be taught to behave." Nessie was gushing with pride as if the kid were hers. Wait a minute. Did she say "they"… as in there are more of them?

Jake was still grinning but I couldn't tell if it was because of the kids or just because Nessie was happy for the first time since… well, since Leah and I spilled the beans about the whole Bella and Jake situation. Not to mention the stuff about Jake wanting to kill her and everything. Yeah, I'm surprised Jake is even talking to us.

"If you think he's wild, you should see his twin sister!" Jake was laughing out loud at my expression. That thing has a twin? Geeze. "Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear. In this case, it's a she-devil. Hey Rose, bring Sophie over here!"

Leah must have felt something because she tackled me and screamed, "Don't look Embry! Don't look in her eyes!" The little girl leaped out of Rose's arms and ran straight toward us. She grabbed a fist full of Leah's hair and yanked hard, exposing her neck. I thought she was going for the jugular so I grabbed her, fully expecting her to bite me.

She looked into my eye and froze. Then she smiled. I knew what was happening and I tried to stop it. I squeezed my eye shut and yelled, "Take her away from me, please someone take her!" Rose wrapped her arms around Sophie and tried to pull her off me, but Sophie started crying and her tiny little arms were clinging desperately to my neck. It broke my heart. I couldn't do it. I couldn't let go of her. I sat up and cradled her in my arms. She sighed and snuggled into my chest. Rose huffed and said, "Well, she seems to like you. That's the calmest she's been since we got her… Oh no! Oh no way! Not again."

**Leah Clearwater's point of view…**

"Come back here you little monster!"

I saw the giant leech chasing a little boy and it triggered my protective instincts. In fact, I almost phased. It didn't take long to realize this was no ordinary kid. At first, I thought he was one of those 'immortal children' the vamps are so afraid of, but instantly ruled that out when I heard his rapid heartbeat. Of course. He was a hybrid like Jake's imprint. Damn. What was this world coming to? Was the giant leech getting a little on the side with a human. That thought made me want to stick my finger down my throat and gag.

"Damn it, he's going up the tree again. A little help Nessie?" That kid was fast, but Nessie was faster. I had to admire her skill even though I am not a Nessie Cullen fan. I was about ready to kick her ass if she didn't quit whining… "Jake doesn't love me; it isn't real, waa, waa, waa." The stupid little bitch doesn't know how lucky she is.

I would give anything if Embry could imprint on me. I would poke _my_ eyes out with a stick to make it happen. I still can't believe he did that. I feel so guilty. I should have just agreed to marry him the first time he asked. At least he still has the one eye. At least he can still see… which means he can still imprint. I refuse to think about that anymore—I will not spend what time I have left with him in constant fear. I have no doubt that he will imprint someday. I just hope it isn't for a couple of centuries.

I was so lost in my own thoughts I missed most of what was going on. Nessie tossed the kid out of the tree into Monkey Man's arms. When the kid bit him, I had to clap my hand over my gaping mouth to keep from laughing. I don't know why I bothered. Everyone else was laughing, even Jake. It was great to see him happy again. He and Cullen must have worked things out.

Speaking of Cullen, she dropped out of the tree and landed right in my personal space. "Isn't he the cutest thing ever?" When did she start talking like a freakin' teenybopper and what was I supposed to say anyway? 'Sure he's cute in an undead, pasty white, bloodsucking kind of way.' I tuned her out immediately and looked at Jake to see if he was as excited about the little freak as Nessie was.

"If you think he's wild, you should see his twin sister!" You gotta be kidding me. There's a twin?

That's when I felt it. Before Jake called for Blondie to bring her over, before I saw her, before I even knew what I was doing. I felt it. I knew it was pointless, like trying to stop the sun from rising or the rain from falling or my heart from breaking into a million pieces. Completely pointless, but I couldn't help it. I threw myself at Embry and screamed, "Don't look Embry! Don't look in her eyes!"

That horrible little freak ran straight for Embry like a heat-seeking missile. She was incredibly strong for such a tiny little thing. She grabbed a fistful of my hair and tried to yank me off Embry. He grabbed her and froze. I was so relieved when he started yelling, "Take her away from me, please someone take her!" Either she was not his imprint or he had closed his eye in time. I didn't care as long as he was still mine.

I should have known better. I am not allowed to be happy. I have to be miserable to appease the gods or something. It's an unwritten law of the universe. No, it's actually much worse than that. It's not enough for me to be merely miserable. I have to be lifted up to the heights of joy first so my fall can be spectacular. I have to bounce when I hit the ground or it doesn't count. I even had an audience this time. No quiet one-on-one, "So sorry Leah, but I fell in love with someone else." Not this time. No, my closest friends and worst enemies all witnessed my total devastation.

I wanted to die when Embry gave in to the imprint. At least he tried. He tried so hard to fight against the inevitable. He tried to push the sun back below the horizon and throw the rain back into the sky. He tried to keep his promises and I loved him even more because of it. He tried—and failed—to push a tiny little girl out of his arms.

I heard Blondie say, "Oh no! Oh no way! Not again."

My sentiments exactly.

**A/N This little side plot is essential to the Nessie-Jake storyline, and I will be focusing on them again soon—so hang in there. To all the CallWater fans… This story is not over, not by a long shot so don't give up or send me hate mail! **


	23. Out of Touch

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to .-MsRed-. and MrsKatyCullen for beta reading this chapter.**

* * *

**The following begins the day before"Embry's Eyes"**

Chapter 23: Out of Touch

_Why is he looking at me that way?_ Quil was actually glaring at Nessie when he walked into camp. He didn't say a word; just shook his head slowly and turned his back on her. _What the hell? _Was he mad because Jake had been twenty minutes late to relieve him on patrol? Did he blame that on her? Quil was usually so sweet. _Crap!_ _Did he hear us fighting this morning? _Seth was the only one in camp when she and Jake had their fight, but he slept through the whole thing. Thank heaven for iPods and ear-buds.

Embry sauntered into camp a few minutes before Jake's shift ended. He stared at Quil before turning to look at Nessie. "What the hell's wrong with him?" She shrugged her shoulders and turned her hands palm up in front of her in the universal sign of "no idea."

Embry got a mischievous glint in his eyes and pursed his lips, "Are we missing our widdle Cwaire Bear dis morning?" Embry used a baby-talk tone of voice as he teased Quil.

Quil never swore so it shocked Nessie when he flipped Embry off and said, "Screw you."

Embry grinned and stretched, as he said, "No thanks. Leah took care of that this morning—and several times last night."

Nessie rolled her eyes and asked, "Where is Leah?" She was actually getting used to Embry's raunchy sense of humor.

"Phasing. She has to relieve Jake on patrol." Embry yawned and headed for his hammock as Jake walked back into camp. Nessie hopped out of her hammock and headed toward Jake but he ignored her. He had on his "Alpha" face so she tried not to let his rebuff hurt her feelings.

"We're leaving first thing tomorrow morning so start gathering stuff up." Jake immediately began to pack his gear without even looking at her. Nessie didn't know what to think. Was he mad at her? She knew he was disappointed when she didn't believe him, but what was she supposed to do? Lie? Honesty was the foundation of their relationship. She told him she still loved him. She still wanted to marry him, even if she knew his love wasn't real. Jake believed it was. He treated her as if it were true. They were happy when they were together, miserable when apart… so they shouldn't change their plans. She thought she had made that clear before he left on patrol. She ran over the conversation in her head…

"_Do you believe me when I say that I love you?"_ Jake had looked so vulnerable. She had wanted desperately to say "yes" but couldn't lie to him. She did the next best thing…

"_I love you Jacob. I truly do, with all my heart and I can't live without you. I still want to marry you so what difference does it make if I believe your love is real or not? As long as we're together and make each other happy that's all that matters." _

_Did he not hear that? Was he not listening? _She wasn't rejecting him. She still wanted him. She wanted him desperately. She had to make him understand. She needed to get him away from his pack. It was too hard to read his moods. Maybe he wasn't mad at her. Maybe he was merely overwhelmed with all the responsibility of being the Alpha. The whole Leah and Embry situation was enough to drive anyone crazy. She would talk to him tonight when they went to bed. She couldn't wait to crawl in his hammock… to snuggle next to his side; hear and feel his heart beat; and lie in the safe haven of his strong arms all night.

Nessie felt an intense longing to be with Jake, she closed her eyes and imagined him kissing her… holding her… touching her. She trembled with desire and anticipation. She was able to maintain the illusion longer this time before her mother's face invaded her fantasy. Nausea instantly replaced passion. She felt bile rise in her throat and opened her eyes to see Jake staring at her with a worried and confused expression on his face.

He immediately turned away and resumed packing. Nessie admired the way Jake's muscles rolled beneath his smooth coppery skin. A bead of sweat formed at the base of his neck and she watched the path it made as it trickled down the broad expanse of his back. She closed her eyes and bit her lip to stifle the moan that threatened to escape. Her body's response was encouraging and a little embarrassing. She was getting closer to purging the images of Jake kissing Bella from her mind. Watching his half-naked body as he worked was definitely therapeutic.

Nessie was still fantasizing about Jake when Embry left to go phase for patrol duty. Leah stomped into camp about five minutes later. She had never been very friendly, but she was aggressively hostile now. This was so weird. First Quil, now Leah—what was going on out there in the jungle to piss everyone off?

Nessie caught a glimpse of Jake's face and saw his eyes narrow at Leah. His mouth tightened into a straight line as he flared his nostrils and expanded his chest. Nessie could feel the power and authority radiating from him. It was impressive and extremely intimidating. It must be a wolf-thing. Leah immediately backed down and lowered her gaze as she turned away from Jake. Huh… that was definitely a submissive gesture. _I hope he knows better than to try that crap with me!_ She didn't mind it one bit when he used it on Leah.

Patrol duty seemed to have a negative impact on everyone today. Leah and Quil were both angry when they returned. Embry looked shocked and confused. His eyes darted from Jake, to Leah, to Nessie and back to Jake. Leah growled something incomprehensible and threw what looked like a granola bar at his head. Embry caught it and inhaled it before Nessie could tell for certain what it was. She hoped it was edible.

Seth's expression was the most difficult to understand. He looked extremely sad and disappointed but he didn't shun her like the others. He looked at her with pity. That was worse. _What the hell was going on? What was happening every time someone came back from patrol? Wait a minute… It started with Quil… Jake had relieved Quil…Quil saw the fight in Jake's head! Damn it! Each time they changed shifts, the information was transferred from one brain to the next. No wonder everyone is so pissed. They saw me bitch-slap their all-mighty Alpha. If one of them had been so disrespectful, the pack would have banished them immediately. She had already apologized to Jake and he had forgiven her—hadn't he? Maybe they didn't see that part._ Nessie cringed as she imagined what they must think of her.

Jake had become even more withdrawn and remote as the day progressed. He didn't speak to her at all, but it didn't feel like he was trying to punish her. It seemed he simply didn't have anything to say. He refused to touch her or let her get close enough to reach out to him. It was a strangely choreographed dance… Nessie tried to find excuses to touch Jake, while he gracefully dodged even her most obvious attempts. That hurt her more than anything else. She needed his touch the way she needed air to breathe. She needed to touch him if only to hold his hand for a moment or brush a lock of hair out of his eyes.

It was painful to be so… _out of touch_. That's what they were, disconnected, separate, alone, and out of touch. She would do her best to change that tonight. Nessie began to feel better as she imagined how wonderful it was going to be. She would hold his face between her palms all night long as they lay together in his hammock. She would open her mind completely, share every thought, every feeling, every desire—and when she fell asleep— she would even share her dreams. Nessie blushed as she thought about some of her recent dreams involving Jake. She hoped he would enjoy them as much as she had.

Nessie's pulse quickened as everyone prepared for bed. She felt a little shy as she approached Jake, but couldn't wait to join him. She was shocked, hurt, and dismayed when Jake held his hammock out of the way so she could climb into hers. His message was clear. They would not be sleeping side by side tonight. She couldn't remember ever feeling so rejected.

Nessie was miserable in her hammock. It was so frustrating listening to Jake breathe and sigh for hours. It was obvious he was awake. _What was he doing? Why didn't he want her to sleep with him?_ She turned over, thrashing a bit, to be certain Jake could feel it below her. His heart rate increased briefly before he copied her move. When Jake tossed and turned, the effect was much more dramatic. Nessie had to grab the sides of her hammock to keep from being bounced out. She considered tumbling out of her hammock into his as a strategic move, but her pride wouldn't let her. She longed for the easy, effortless way Jake met all her needs when she was a child. He never would have hurt her feelings the way he had tonight. He used to know what she was feeling even before she felt it. Adulthood sucked.

Nessie fell asleep eventually, but woke before dawn. Jake's hammock was gone. Nessie heard him rustling around and watched as he tightly cinched his backpack. She looked around and noticed that Seth was still sleeping in his hammock. She was grateful that she would not be the last one to rise.

She packed her hammock and checked around the campsite quickly to be sure she had everything. Quil was leaning against his pack with his eyes closed, probably sleeping. It looked like Leah and Embry had another fight. Leah was cramming her hammock into her backpack forcefully and muttering under her breath. Embry was gone. His gear was completely packed but he was nowhere in sight.

The sun climbed into the sky as the morning passed but Embry did not return. With each passing minute, Jake's mood worsened. Everyone was doing their best to keep out of his way and avoid incurring his wrath. He growled at poor Seth, "Go phase and find that irresponsible mutt. If you don't drag his sorry ass back here within the next fifteen minutes I'll have both of your hides." Nessie's mood was not much better than Jake's. She almost snapped at him for being so rude to Seth but caught herself just in time. She knew better than to interfere with "pack business".

"Jacob, Leah, Quil! Somebody help me!" _Seth? Oh no!_ Nessie knew on a gut level that something was horribly wrong. Leah phased, exploding out of her dress, and took off into the jungle howling pitifully as she ran.

Jake and Quil yanked their shorts off and phased immediately. Quil shot off in pursuit of Leah while Jake stood in the middle of camp whining and staring into the jungle. Another anguished howl echoed through the jungle. _What's going on? _Jake dropped to his stomach and looked directly into Nessie's eyes for the first time all day. Nessie understood and hastily climbed on Jake's back.

He took off practically flying through the jungle toward the heartbreaking howls of grief. Even amidst all the anxiety, Nessie was relieved. She was where she belonged—with Jake. She leaned forward and tried to reach Jake's muzzle but he was running so fast, she couldn't risk stretching any further. He remained out of reach so she was not able to transfer her thoughts.

Nessie smelled blood several minutes before they arrived so she tried to prepare her mind. It was werewolf blood so it didn't trigger her feeding instinct. Jake's blood had been unique in that manner. His was the only wolf blood that appealed to her, and she would never succumb to that temptation again.

The gruesome sight of Embry's mangled head lying in Leah's blood-soaked lap was beyond horrendous. Quil was searching the area, looking for possible enemies, Seth was vomiting in the bushes, Leah was in obvious shock, and Embry was either dead or unconscious. _What happened? _

Jake phased into human form without bothering to let Nessie dismount. It was the strangest sensation to be so close to the shimmering magic of his transformation. Under other circumstances, she might have enjoyed it. They were all too upset about Embry to care about such things now. Nessie slid off Jake's naked back and averted her gaze as he yanked on his shorts.

Everyone's hearts were pounding so loudly Nessie couldn't hear Embry's. Apparently, Jake couldn't either; he placed his two middle fingers on Embry's neck to check his pulse. Nessie felt a huge wave of relief wash over her when Jake announced, "Pulse is light and rapid at 180 beats per minute. Respiration is rapid and shallow at 57 breaths per minute." The relief dissipated when Nessie recognized the symptoms of severe shock. "Leah, lower his head to the ground and lift his feet. Quil go back to camp. Call the Cullen's on the sat-phone. Tell them we need Carlisle STAT. Get the emergency medical kit out of my pack, and bring a blanket. Oh, and… uh… grab a dress for Leah." That was the first time Nessie noticed Leah was naked. Embry's blood covered her body, so it wasn't obvious unless you looked closely. Nessie couldn't help but wonder just how closely had Jake been looking?

Embry began to shake as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. "Leah, let Nessie hold his feet, you lie down beside him and try to keep him calm and warm." When she moved to his feet, Nessie noticed a forked stick on the ground. Its two prongs were sharpened and covered in blood and gore. _What happened?_ She glanced at Embry's ruined face and understood the nature of his injuries, but not the reason. Some one had tried to remove his eyes with that horrid stick. Who would do such a thing, and why?

Quil was back within minutes. Jake expertly inserted an IV needle into Embry's arm and hooked up two bags of saline. Nessie recognized the needle—Titanium. She peeked inside the kit and noticed a chart listing all her vital statistics. Was that kit meant for her? She knew Carlisle had trained Jake as an Emergency Medical Technician, but she didn't realize it was so he could take care of her. It made sense. It also made her feel loved. Was there anything Jake wouldn't do for her? _It made her feel_ _loved! _Her brain recognized a sneak attack from her heart and retaliated. Some of the things Jake would not do for her lately were… talk to her… look at her… touch her…

"Nessie, hand me that package of gauze, please." Jake's voice brought her back to the current emergency and she focused on Embry. She admired Jake's skill as he carefully placed large amounts of sterile gauze over the gaping holes that had once been Embry's eyes. Jake's huge hands were deft and gentle as he wound the bandage around Embry's head.

"Leah?" Embry's voice was weak and trembling.

"I'm here Embry, right here." Leah began to stroke his cheeks as she cried. "What have you done? Your beautiful eyes… Oh Embry why would you do such a thing?"

_What? He did that to himself? Why?_

"Leah, this is a good thing. If I can't see, I can't look in anyone's eyes and everyone knows that's how it happens."

Nessie felt the blood drain from her face. _Imprinting? He did this because of imprinting? Damn it. _Nessie and Jake locked gazes and her heart hammered in her chest. _See Jake? See what your precious imprinting has done now. _She felt tears spill over her eyelids but didn't care.

Nessie was dazed and incredulous as she listened to Embry and Leah banter back and forth. Embry threw up on Leah and then asked her to marry him. How strange. How could they both be so happy knowing he had been so desperate he was willing to mutilate himself and live a life of blindness? How does any of this make sense?

Embry vomited several times and was in and out of consciousness for the next couple of hours. Jake kept pushing fluids and had to change the IV bags so many times Nessie lost count. When the chopper finally arrived, Carlisle praised Jake for his excellent care of Embry. Nessie's heart swelled with pride—and then immediately sank to the ground when Jake climbed in the chopper with Embry and Leah without even saying good-bye.

Of course Jake had to go. He was the Alpha and Embry was seriously injured. She knew that, so why did she feel so hurt and abandoned? Her brain took the opportunity to remind her of the latest reasons to feel hurt, abandoned _and _unloved…

_He won't talk to me… won't look at me… won't touch me... won't sleep with me… _

It didn't help matters that Quil continuously looked at her as if she were some sort of monster and Seth kept staring at her with his sad puppy-dog eyes. Nessie didn't need their attitude on top of everything else. She was hot and tired and resented carrying all the gear from the campsite to the clearing. She wasn't going to put up with these guys anymore today. She had reached her limit.

"Alright you two. I have had enough of your silent treatment. I already apologized to Jake for slapping him and he forgave me. So let it go and get over it already!" Quil and Seth stared at each other with their mouths making little "O" shapes. It would have been hilarious if she weren't so damn mad.

"You slapped Jake?" Seth was the first to speak.

"Well, isn't that why everyone is so pissed off at me?"

"Nessie, no one is pissed off at you." She glared at Quil's bold-faced lie. "Well, okay, maybe a little..." She narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips into a tight line. "Alright, yeah we're all pissed, but we had no idea you slapped Jake."

"Are you trying to tell me that you didn't see the whole fight in Jake's head when he phased this morning?"

"He was shielding his mind so the only thing I got out of his head was a ton of pain, 'Why can't she believe my love is real'… and … 'the wedding is off'." Nessie felt like she had been kicked in the gut. It took a few minutes for the news to reach her brain.

She felt her face blanch and had to sit down when her knees gave out. "He said… He… The wedding is off?"

Quil and Seth exchanged a horrified look. "Uh…um… Oh boy..."

"Why? Why doesn't he want to marry me? Did the imprint break?"

Seth knelt in front of her and sat back on his heels. "Nessie, imprints don't break—but hearts do." His voice was gentle and non-judgmental; but his words cut her to the core. "You are killing him, Nessie. Literally. Why can't you believe him? How can you deny his love? Why are you the only one that can't see how much he loves you?"

Her eyes overflowed again and she wiped her face on the back of her arm. "I've tried, Seth. I've tried really hard, but I can't believe he loves me when I _remember_ how he looked when he was ready to kill me… how he looked when the imprint hit him. I saw it, Seth. He didn't have a choice."

Quil surprised her when he said, "Then lie. If you really can't believe it, just lie and say you do." His face was dark and angry, unlike Seth's.

"Would you want Claire to lie to you Quil?" She asked defensively.

"If the situation were exactly the same? Yeah, I would. I sure as hell would."

"Are you serious? Why would you want to be lied to?"

"Because if Claire didn't believe in me it would kill me—exactly like it's killing Jake—and then I wouldn't be around to take care of her. That's why!"

"Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic Quil? Jake isn't dying."

Seth said, "Nessie, he isn't eating or sleeping. You know how high our caloric needs are. If he gets much weaker, he won't be able to phase and then he is going to start aging again so yeah, that means he's dying."

"It won't do any good for me to lie; he's going to see this conversation in your heads the next time you phase."

"We are going to be shielding like crazy so he won't kill us for blabbing about canceling the wedding. Um… you weren't going to tell him about that, were you?"

"Not unless he asks me. So you better hope it doesn't come up." She truly hoped it did not come up. She couldn't handle it if he told her he didn't want to marry her.

"So, will you do it? Will you at least try to convince him you believe in his love?"

"He knows me too well. He will see right through me."

"No he won't. Not when he wants so desperately to believe the lie. Can't you at least try? Don't you want him to be happy?"

"Of course I want him to be happy! I would give up my life if it would make him happy again."

"You are willing to die, but you are not willing to tell a little lie?" Quil snorted with contempt, "And you think I'm melodramatic? Give me a break, kid."

"I will do my best to believe he loves me. I won't fight against my heart anymore and I'll try to shut up my brain; but he has to stop insisting I believe him. That's the best I can do."

"Well it's a start anyway."

Nessie heard the distant beat of helicopter rotors and exhaled with relief. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath.

* * *

"Blondie to Base, come in Base." Quil and Seth snickered when Rose referred to herself as 'Blondie' since it was Jake's derogatory nickname for her. Rose hissed at them, which only made them laugh out loud.

"Blondie, this is Monkey Man do you have an ETA? Over." Emmett's voice coming through the radio was only slightly scratchy. They must be getting close since the static was negligible.

"Monkey Man, our ETA is twelve minutes, please prepare the landing pad. Over.

"Ten-four, Blondie. I missed you. Monkey Man out."

"Missed you too. Blondie out."

Nessie's pulse accelerated in anticipation of seeing her family and Jake. It had been over a month since she had seen Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Esme. It had only been a few hours since Jake left, but he was the one she most wanted to see. It was extremely disappointing when Jake did not meet them at the landing pad. She resolved to be happy for her family's sake. He was probably still with Embry.

Nessie couldn't believe her eyes. Emmett was holding a squirming child in his arms. Jasper also had a child in his arms and the little boy was so calm it looked like he was drugged. He must be heavily dosing the child with extra strong waves of tranquility.

"Oh my gosh!... What?... Where?... Who?... Oh wow!" It took Nessie a while to form a coherent sentence, and everyone was laughing and grinning as she struggled to comprehend what was going on. "Who are they? They are so cute! What are they doing here? Oh, wow!" Nessie was still gushing with excitement. The only child she had ever been around was Quil's imprint, Claire.

Rose opened her arms and attempted to coax the little girl Emmett was holding to come to her. The child hissed and snarled at her but Rose just stood there quietly while Emmett tried to pry her loose from his neck. Eventually the little girl reached for Rose and Emmett handed her over. "Mommy missed her little Sophie Girl. Didn't you miss me too?"

The little girl didn't speak but she did look into Rosalie's eyes and nod her head solemnly.

"Sophie, this is your cousin, Renesmee but everyone calls her 'Nessie'. Can you say hello to Nessie?"

Nessie was grinning from ear to ear as she reached out to touch Sophie's hand. Three things happened simultaneously. Rose jumped back, Alice grabbed Nessie's arm, and Sophie lunged at her snarling and hissing.

"Whoa!" Nessie's grin disappeared as she backed away from the still growling child.

"No, no, Sophie!" Rose and Emmett both scolded gently as if the little monster hadn't just tried to bite her hand off.

"Sorry Nessie, Sophie and George are still learning how to be good little vegetarians and it's made them grumpy." Rose stroked Sophie's hair as she apologized.

"Grumpy? More like possessed by the devil." Edward was smiling at the kids affectionately but Rose still took offense. At least Emmett laughed.

"Are these… did you find them in Italy? Are these Aro's children?" At the sound of Aro's name, both kids perked up and began to look around.

"Um… we don't say that name around the kids, it tends to get them riled up." Emmett explained. "And the answer is 'yes', he is their biological father. Sophie and George are twins and Rose and I have adopted them."

"Wow, I don't know what to say." Everyone laughed again.

"A lot has happened since we last saw you Renesmee. Why don't we go back to the tree house and catch up?"

"That sounds great, Esme. Would it be okay with everyone if I took a shower first? I'll make it quick."

"Of course Nessie, we'll meet you back at the tree house."

The soap and hot water felt magnificent after camping. Swimming in the cenote had kept them all relatively clean, but they couldn't use soap since it would negatively affect the unique eco-system of the open cavern.

Nessie was pleased to find a stack of clean clothes in the changing room. They fit her perfectly but were not practical for jungle life. _Hmmm… it looks like Alice found time to go shopping. _Nessie checked the labels and recognized the name of a famous Italian clothing designer. _Oh well, at least they're clean._

Nessie almost ran into Jake as she was leaving the dressing room. His eyes widened in surprise and both of their pulses quickened. He moved to the side, giving her a wide berth. _What the hell? This has to stop. _"Jake, we need to talk."

"Okay."

'_Okay'? The first word he's spoken to me all day is 'okay'?_

"What is going on? Why are you avoiding me?" Nessie couldn't keep the annoyance she felt out of her voice.

"I'm not avoiding…"

"I know I promised I would never hit you again, and I always keep my promises but you are making it pretty damn hard."

The corners of Jake's mouth twitched upward and it was obvious he was trying not to smile.

"Jacob Black this is not funny! This is extremely serious." Nessie was in danger of losing her temper.

"Sorry, Ness." He relaxed his face into an expressionless mask and her heart sank. "Can't this wait until after I take a shower?"

"As a matter of fact—no it can't." Nessie took a step toward Jake and he took one step back. "That is exactly what I'm talking about!" She was shouting now. "You won't even let me get within two feet of you. Much less touch you. What the hell is going on?"

Jake's face turned red and his eyes flashed with anger. "Do you really want to know what's going on? Will it even matter what I say? You won't believe me anyway so why bother?" Nessie was so angry all she could do was glare at him. "Alright you asked for it!" He was shouting even louder than Nessie had. "I am sick of your violent mood swings and stupid games! One minute you are crawling all over me like some horny teenager and then the next minute you slap me and practically accuse me of raping you! I can't do this anymore Nessie! I just can't."

"What?... What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" She began to hyperventilate as the blood drained from her face. "I thought… I thought you didn't have a choice? I mean… I… I'm your imprint. You _have_ to love me."

Jake began to swear using words he rarely used in front of her. "I _have_ to love you?... I thought that was the whole problem. My love isn't real. Remember. I can't possibly love you because I'm just a baby killing monster that got zapped by a curse." Jake was trembling and the air around him began to shimmer. "You better run away little girl, the big bad wolf might do something he would regret for the rest of his life."

Nessie refused to back down. She stepped even closer. "You wouldn't dare!" Nessie was suddenly hit by such a huge wave of calm. She and Jake both sank to the ground.

"Why don't we all take a little walk over to the gazebo and talk about what's going on with the two of you." Jasper had one hand on Nessie and the other on Jake. The weight of Jasper's influence began to lift slightly so Nessie and Jake were able to stand up. The three of them walked to the gazebo and sat on the benches. Jasper continued to lessen his control of their emotions.

"Get your hands off me!" Jake growled through clenched teeth.

"I will just as soon as I'm sure you aren't gonna do something that might hurt my niece." Jasper's voice was calm and soothing but there was a touch of authority underlying his words.

"I'm not going to hurt her. I'm not even close to phasing anymore." Nessie could actually hear Jake's teeth grinding.

"I was not just referring to physical harm. You have both inflected deep emotional wounds upon each other. I can't let you continue. Your combined pain is killing me."

"So go away if you can't handle it. And quit zapping me with your mental stun gun."

"Jacob, I can help you and Nessie work through this. In addition to my ability to manipulate emotions, I also have multiple doctorate degrees in psychology. I know what I'm doing."

"No way blood-sucker. It's bad enough you can manipulate my mood, there is no way in hell I'm going to let you manipulate my mind too."

"Just think about it, okay? You don't have to make a decision right now."

"Fine, I'll think about it. Now release me from your mind control so I can go take a shower."

As soon as Jake left, Nessie collapsed in tears. She was surprised when Jasper didn't try to calm her. He simply put one arm around her shoulder, pulled her head against his cold hard chest, and let her cry.


	24. Dr Jasper Hale PhD

**A/N All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer with the exception of Morgan, Sophie, and George. No copyright infringement intended. I am not getting paid.**

**Nessie/Jake storyline… Leah/Embry next chapter (there's a reason, read the note at the end of the chapter).**

Chapter 24: Dr. Jasper Hale Ph.D.

"Alright, I'll do this on one condition." Jake was practically growling. "No freakin' mind control crap."

"Of course not Jake, I won't do a thing unless you or Nessie ask." Nessie wasn't sure it was a good idea to restrict Jasper's gift when the emotional climate was already so volatile. Jake looked almost… dangerous. He sat on the opposite end of the sofa as far away from Nessie as he could get, with his arms folded tightly across his chest. The tension in his body made his muscles bulge and the expression on his face was intimidating: eyes narrowed and blazing, nostrils flared, lips set in a thin hard line with the corners pulled down into a scowl. He clenched his jaw so tightly it pulsed and caused the tendons in his neck to become even more prominent… like thick rope beneath his smooth coppery skin.

Nessie took a deep breath and let her gaze travel down Jake's body. She needed to distract herself from the anger and pain that molded his countenance and threatened to overwhelm her.

Jake was wearing a polo shirt instead of his usual t-shirt or bare chest. Nessie found the sight of the light blue fabric straining over his biceps very distracting. It hugged the contours of his well-muscled torso like a second skin, before disappearing into the waistband of his dark brown trousers. Her gaze lingered on his narrow hips and massive thighs. Okay, that was too much of a distraction. She bit her lip and averted her gaze. Jake and Jasper were both staring at her expectantly. She blushed and mumbled,

"Umm… Could you repeat the question?"

"It wasn't actually a question, Darlin' it was more of a suggestion." Jasper smiled at her kindly. "I would like for you and Jake to sit a little closer, maybe even hold hands while we go through a few guidelines and rules." _I want to hold more than just his hands. I want to wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his chest so I can hear his heart beat. I want to…_

Jasper smiled and raised his eyebrows. Nessie felt her face turn beet red when she realized Jasper was reading her emotions. She was too embarrassed to move any closer to Jake, even though every cell of her body longed to merge with his.

Jake continued to press against the opposite side of the couch with his arms stubbornly folded over his chest. He hadn't moved at all. Nessie felt tears well up in her eyes. _Oh, this is just great. We haven't even started the session and Jake has already humiliated me to the point of tears. _Jasper leaned over and handed her a box of tissues. Jake's frown deepened when she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. He unfolded his arms and placed his hands on his thighs, fingers splayed. Then ever so slowly, he scooted a little closer to her.

Jake had hurt her feelings, so she no longer wanted to sit beside him. He needed a taste of his own medicine. Let him see how it felt to be rejected. "Nessie?" All he said was her name, but Jasper managed to make her feel like a petulant child. She sighed and moved a couple of inches toward Jake. "That's better." Jasper murmured and smiled at her.

"Okay, the rules are fairly simple and as long as you both follow them I won't need to use my calming influence." Jasper looked pointedly at both of them.

"Fine," was all Jacob said.

"Sure, sure." Nessie nodded.

"It's only one rule, really. Respect one another and me. That means no interrupting, no shouting, and no physical violence of any sort. Listening is also important. Pay attention to what is being said and if you aren't sure what is meant… ask. I will most likely ask each of you for clarification several times before you learn to do it for yourselves. Any questions?"

They both shook their heads 'no'.

"All righty then, let's get started. Jake, you seem to be the most upset at the moment, would you like to tell Nessie what is bothering you?" Jake glared at Jasper and shook his head 'no'.

"Nessie, how about you. Do you want to tell Jake what you're thinking and feeling right now?" Nessie also shook her head.

"Okay, I'll tell you what I have observed and when I say something that you don't agree with, please give me a signal…" Jasper lifted his hand with his index finger extended to demonstrate an acceptable method of interrupting.

"I watched the video you two made explaining how your relationship had matured and changed. I could feel the love, respect, and joy you shared even though it was only a recording. Last night I witnessed a shocking display of emotional aggression and a total disregard for each other's feelings. I heard words of anger bordering on hatred…"

"She was pushing my buttons…"

"He wouldn't even talk to me or let me…"

Nessie felt a strong wave of tranquility as she and Jake slumped into the soft cushions. Jasper again demonstrated the signal for politely disagreeing. "I told y'all I wouldn't do that unless you broke the rules. I'm sorry Jake, I know you don't like it when I change the mood, but I did warn you."

Jake looked constipated as he tried to glare at Jasper while struggling against the strong waves of tranquility saturating the room. The thought made Nessie giggle inappropriately. She blushed and murmured, "Sorry."

"May I continue?" Nessie and Jake nodded. "Okay, what I heard and saw did not match what I felt. I felt two people in severe pain. I felt two wounded hearts trying to protect themselves. I felt an incredible sense of grief and loss. The grief was more profound than what I typically feel at a funeral."

Nessie pulled two tissues from the box and wiped furiously at her eyes. "Nessie Darlin' what's going on? What are you thinking right now?"

"I… I want to… I just… I need…" her voice shook as she tried—and failed—to keep from sobbing. I… need… Ja-aa-aa-ake."

Strong warm arms encircled her as Jake pulled her onto his lap and pressed her head into his chest. His heart was pounding against her ear.

"Oh Nessie, I'm so sorry…"

"No Jake, it's all my fault…"

They both looked at Jasper expecting him to send out another wave of soothing calm. Jasper just smiled and shook his head.

Jake held her until she quit crying and wiped her tears away with his thumb. He tilted her head up and was leaning in for a kiss when Jasper interrupted them.

"Hold on a minute." Jake and Nessie both glared at Jasper, which made him laugh. "Now don't get your panties in a bind, this is part of the therapy. You two have been through a lot of changes over the past month or two and that's a big part of the problem. Nessie Sweetheart, why don't you hop off Jake's lap now, and take a seat right next to him. Y'all can hold hands if you want."

Nessie reluctantly did as Jasper asked and felt a sense of loss until Jake wove his fingers through hers and kissed the back of her hand. He then rested their joined hands on his thigh just above his knee.

"That's great. We are making some real progress now." Jasper was beaming, obviously enjoying the new mood in the room. "Normally I would encourage you to communicate and share your thoughts and feelings after you leave my office, but the serious nature of your issues requires that you not discuss them outside of our sessions. Consider me 'on call' and come find me when the pain, doubt, and confusion resurface."

Nessie lifted her hand and Jasper nodded at her. "Why did you stop us from kissing?"

"Because lust clouds the issues. Physical intimacy can give you a false sense of closeness if you use it to distract yourselves from dealing with the pain—or as a substitute for connecting on an emotional level. I am going to ask that you refrain from kissing and prolonged embraces until further notice."

Nessie embarrassed herself by groaning out loud. Jake grinned and squeezed her hand. Jasper laughed quietly and promised, "It's not forever Nessie, and it will be so much better when each hug and kiss is purely an expression of the love and commitment you feel for each other. Besides, I believe you are having some trouble accepting something that happened between your mother and Jake before you were born."

Nessie's face blanched and she felt her stomach heave. This was the strongest reaction she had experienced since she first overheard Leah's revelation.

"I can help you, Nessie. All you have to do is ask."

Nessie gagged once and nodded her head. She felt immediate relief as Jasper calmed her.

Jake's shoulders slumped and his hips slid down several inches toward the edge of the couch. He dropped his head back against the wall with a loud thump and moaned.

"Jake?" Jasper raised his eyebrows.

"No!" Jake adamantly refused to accept any help from Jasper.

"That's fine Jake, it was just an offer."

Nessie wanted to reassure Jake and lifted her hand to place it on his cheek. Jake grabbed her wrist as Jasper exclaimed, "No!"

"Tell her why you don't want her to share her mind with you." Jasper leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees.

Nessie had already balled her hand into a fist. Jake kissed her knuckles before letting go of her wrist. "I can't handle your emotions on top of mine right now, Nessie. It's just too much. I'm sorry." Nessie's eyes filled with tears.

"Tell Jake what you're feeling." Jasper encouraged, but Nessie just shook her head. "It's important Darlin' he needs to know."

Nessie dropped her head and stared at the interlaced fingers of the hand Jake still held. The contrast was striking. Pale white and warm copper, so different and yet so perfect together, each made more beautiful by the other. Like the bracelet around her left wrist—Jake's engagement gift.

"Nessie?" Jake spoke her name as if it were a question and the deep husky sound of his voice brought her back to the present.

"I feel rejected when you refuse to let me share my gift. I understand, or at least I think I understand why you don't want me to… and I don't want to add to your pain… I just wanted to let you know that I don't blame you for what happened with mom."

"You don't?" Jake sounded surprised.

"Of course not, I wasn't even born yet. I blame Mom." Nessie was shocked that she said that out loud. "I mean… she was already in love with Dad… Crap! I don't know what I mean."

"So when you projected your disgust along with the image of me kissing Bella… you weren't disgusted with me? I'm not the one making you gag?"

"No Jake! Of course not. It's just something I need to get over. I don't like to think of my parents as being… you know… um… intimate and the thought of _my mother _kissing _MY Jacob, _well it's… disgusting. If it were anyone else, it wouldn't be a problem. Unless of course it were my dad. That would be a problem." Nessie and Jasper laughed at the expression of shock on Jacob's face.

The time passed quickly as Jasper helped Nessie and Jake resolve some of their minor problems. According to Jasper, they needed to take a break from the really hard issues until their relationship was stronger. The more they talked the more connected she felt to Jake. Everything seemed easier, even breathing. Nessie was amazed at how easily she and Jake slipped into the teasing and bantering they enjoyed before falling in love. She was happy to have her best friend back.

Jasper clapped his hands and rubbed them together as he stood up. "I think we got a lot of work done today. Why don't we plan to meet again tomorrow at the same time unless you need me sooner. Remember I'm on call, day or night."

Nessie and Jake agreed and headed toward the door. Jasper put one hand on each of their shoulders. "Just a reminder… No physically intimate expressions of affection, don't talk about the hard stuff, and just for now, Nessie, don't share your gift with Jacob. Okay?"

"Sure, sure." Jake and Nessie said at the same time, then looked at each other and grinned.

"I want to be sure I understand the rules, Jasper. We can obviously hold hands…" Jake held up their interlaced fingers as evidence… "But can I at least kiss her cheek?"

Jasper smiled indulgently and said, "You can kiss her anywhere except on the mouth."

As they turned to leave, Jake whispered in Nessie's ear… "I'm glad Embry didn't hear him say that, we'd never live it down." Nessie blushed as she began to imagine Jake kissing her throat, her shoulder, her collarbone…

**A/N I really wanted Leah to be pregnant before Embry poked out his eyes. That's what they were fighting about the morning of... Embry wanted to marry her, but Leah was still too afraid of being hurt. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone calling his child a bastard. He also wanted to be with the love of his life so he took drastic measures.**

Unfortunately, Peter (my hubby and live in literary critic) hated the idea so much I couldn't do it. I've written lots of stuff he doesn't like, but when he HATES something, he's usually not the only one.

**So…. I'm putting it to a vote. If you agree Leah should be pregnant, let me know in your next review. If you hate the idea, let me know. (Yes, that was a shameless ploy to get more reviews. What can I say? You all have spoiled me and now I can't get enough! I really do need outside opinions to help me decide. It needs to be quick since she's going to be 'showing' soon if she is preggers.) I wrote the Leah/Embry chapter first but decided if she is going to be pregnant; it needs to be addressed in that chapter. I will edit a pregnant Leah into a copy of the chapter so I will be ready to post which ever one gets the most reviews…. So even if you don't normally review, just copy and paste either: **

**Of course Leah's pregnant, even more reason for Embry to blind himself.**

**or**

**Leah is a genetic dead end, how can she be pregnant?**


	25. Love Remains the Same

**A/N All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer with the exception of Morgan, Sophie, and George. No copyright infringement intended. I am not getting paid.**

**Musical inspiration for this chapter: "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale**

I must have listened to this song at least 100 times. There is a music video (starring Embry Call) running through my brain every time I hear this song. Chapter title does not belong to me. Obviously.

Thanks to my Beta readers as always… and

Chapter 25: Love Remains the Same

**Leah Clearwater's point of view…**

Previously:

I heard Blondie say, "Oh no! Oh no way! Not again."

My sentiments exactly.

"Leah, are you okay?"

How could I possibly be okay? He might as well slice me open with a dull blade and feed my heart to his precious little blood-sucking imprint. It couldn't hurt nearly as bad as this does.

I was gasping for air, but there wasn't any. Someone or some_thing_ had sucked all the oxygen out of the atmosphere. Speech was impossible. _"Go away Embry. Please. Just go away."_

"Rose, Emmett, will one of you please take Sophie for a minute?" I heard the kid's ear-splitting scream so I guess Embry was able to pass her off to one of the vamps. "Leah, look at me. Please—just look at me." I felt his hand on my arm, trying to pry it off my face. Why? Does he want to torture me? His hand felt like a scorching brand on my skin, burning the print of his fingers into my flesh. I would be forever marked as his, even though he no longer wanted me. I could not stand the humiliation of his pity on top of the crushing weight of all this pain.

I never should have let myself believe for one minute that this was going to work out. I never should have let Embry Call anywhere near my heart—or anything else for that matter. A new wave of pain washed over me as another dream shattered. I tried to protect myself. I never planned to tell Embry the kid was his, but he figured it out. Hell, I wasn't even sure I was pregnant at the time but somehow Embry knew.

_Previously_… _The morning of "the fight" (before Embry blinded himself.)_

You're crazy Embry. How could I possibly be pregnant? Genetic dead end, remember?" Crap. How did he figure this out? I'm not even a hundred percent sure myself.

"I don't know how Leah, I only know that you are." He placed his palm on my belly and smiled. His eyes lit up and I knew I was in trouble. I never meant to fall in love with Embry Call. He was supposed to be my friend. Just a friend. Okay, a friend with benefits, but nothing more. I'm not even sure how this all started. He was just always so damned _available_. I went through some rough times when the majority of the pack imprinted. Embry does good impersonations of everyone _"Isn't she perfect? Isn't she wonderful, imprinting is so amazing. I felt the earth move. Gravity shifted."_ It was hilarious and as long as I could laugh, I didn't have to cry.

I did cry when Emily got pregnant for the first time. Embry was there for me the night Sam shared the "great news". He was so sweet; he held me in his arms and let me cry all night. That was the first time we kissed. It was also the first time I considered seeking a different kind of comfort in Embry's arms. I fought it for a long time. I knew he wanted me, but he was shy and inexperienced so he didn't try to rush things. That all changed after we made love for the first time. Talk about cocky! Geeze. My shy friend turned into a regular Don Juan. He was insatiable. He also caught me at my weakest time of the year—when I'm insatiable. I don't know what it is about springtime. I have average self-control the rest of the year, but when the frost disappears and the flowers start to bloom, I just go nuts. (Think "Girls Go Wild During Spring Break" videos)

I was feeling the need and Embry was going to go bar hopping with me in Port Angeles. We didn't even make it out of La Push before I jumped his bones. He was surprised but in a good way. Unfortunately, I hurt him when I broke it off after just three weeks. He said it was okay, he understood, bla, bla, bla… We stayed friends and fell into a pattern of enjoying each other completely about once or twice a month. The boundaries were firmly in place. He knew I wasn't interested in a romantic relationship and he said it was fine with him. He liked the idea of all the fun but none of the responsibilities. We agreed to see other people but never actually got around to it. I insisted we practice safe sex even if I couldn't get pregnant. It was one way of reminding him we were not in a monogamous relationship.

Things were going great until springtime came around again. The poor kid didn't know what hit him. I just couldn't leave him alone. By that time, we were both in Jake's pack and Jake was not as tolerant as Sam was when it came to my extra-curricular springtime activities. Embry and I were MIA for a week—holed up in the Best Western outside of Seattle. Jake was so pissed when we got home. It's not like they needed us or anything. Sam's pack was huge and the only vamps around were the Cullens. They did a good job of keeping the stray leeches away; which meant we didn't have enough work to keep everyone busy.

Jake still chewed our asses off and made us do double shifts. That cut into our fun, but we managed to work around it. I let it drag on a little longer that year and it was much harder for me to break it off.

We were at the annual Fourth-of-July picnic and I casually mentioned, "It's time we slowed down again. People are starting to talk about us. I don't want everyone to start thinking we're a couple or anything." I had never seen Embry get so mad. That was the first of many "really big fights"…We didn't need to wait until dark for the fireworks to start.

"Why can't you just let things happen naturally? Why do you want to break up? Oh wait you don't want to break up, you just want to string me along like a dog on a leash. What is your problem? We are GOOD together and you know it."

"You know why I can't do this Embry. I can't get involved with someone that's going to imprint."

"I've got news for you, Babe. We ARE involved and we have been for almost two years. Why do you want to ruin everything?"

"You are the one ruining everything! Why can't you accept that we can never be more than just friends?"

"Maybe because my other _friends_ don't jump in my bed when ever they get lonely or sad or just plain horny. We are so much more than 'just friends' and you know it. I can't do this anymore, Leah. Either you let me love you all the time or not at all. I can't do this half-assed on-again off-again crap."

That was pretty much the pattern of our relationship ever since. Incredible mind-blowing sex every spring followed by an explosive break-up every summer. By Halloween, we were good friends again and yes, that included frequent sleepovers.

This damn jungle trip screwed me over completely. When we got the call that Jake and Cullen were missing we dropped everything and took off in the fancy jet the Cullens chartered for us. I didn't even pack a toothbrush. Embry wasn't any better prepared than I was so it was impossible to practice "safe sex". I tried to go the abstinence route, but that didn't work out so well. I would bet a thousand dollars that flowers are blooming all across the Olympic Mountains and have been since the first day we got here.

Anyway… I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. He was never supposed to be the love of my life and father of my children. I sure as hell was not supposed to feel my heart swell with joy when he placed his hand on my stomach over our growing child.

I yanked his hand off my belly, "This doesn't change anything Embry! I'm not going to fall in love with you." Too late, I was already head-over-heels in love with the pup and if I'm being honest, I have been for years. But I couldn't let it go any further. I had to find a way to stop loving him. He was going to imprint and the longer I let this continue the more it was going to hurt.

"Geeze Leah, you are such a liar. I know you love me." I'll be damned if his smile didn't light up the entire freakin' jungle. "You have to marry me, you're having my baby."

"I most certainly do NOT have to marry you just because I _might_ be pregnant. Women have babies without husbands every day. I don't need a man to raise a kid; I can do it by myself!" I hated hurting him. Maybe if it were just me, I would risk it. Probably not, but there is no way in hell I'm letting my child be devastated when her daddy imprints.

_Daddy…_ My cruel mind flashed the image of Embry cradling our newborn daughter in his arms... Embry staring into her eyes with reverence and awe… Embry kissing her soft downy head before placing her at my breast. _Stop it right now!_ I can do this. I know I can. I can be strong for my daughter.

"Are you really that selfish. Leah? Do you want our baby to be a _bastard_? Because that's what he'll be called and not just by other kids. That's how he will be listed on the tribal records—just like me—father: unknown." Embry thought of our baby as a son. Our child is as real to him as _she _is to me. I almost gave in when he said that. He had tears in his eyes and it broke my heart, but it would hurt so much more if I married him. "Are you even going to tell him who his father is?"

"No Embry, I'm not going to tell our child that you are her father. It would hurt so much more for her to know you and love you and then be abandoned the day you imprint."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. I love you Leah, and I already love our baby. I won't leave you and I won't abandon my child. I am a better man than that."

"And how many times do I have to tell you I CAN'T MARRY YOU." That's when I lost it. Damn pregnancy hormones made me all emotional and weepy. "I love you too much already Embry—more than I ever loved Sam—but I'm not going to marry you just to have my heart ripped out, this is killing me."

"Leah?" His voice was suddenly soft and gentle with no trace of anger. "If there was a way to be sure I could never imprint—would you marry me?" He sounded so vulnerable; I felt something hard and cold shatter inside my chest. Damn, it must have been my heart.

"Yes Embry, if there were some magical potion you could drink or ancient ceremony we could perform that would prevent imprinting, I would marry you today. But there isn't; so I can't." I turned around and headed back to camp. Embry just stood there and watched me go.

I should have lied. I should have said, "No, I won't marry you no matter what." Maybe he would still have both of his eyes. Poor Embry. This wasn't fair to him either. He sacrificed so much to be with me… to be a father to our child. It was all for nothing.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SISTER!" Aw Seth, it's too late. The damage is done. There's nothing you can do… except take me home. Please take me home.

"Seth? Can we go home now? Can you please just take me home?" My voice sounded so weak and timid, it didn't even sound like me.

"NO! You don't understand. I still love you Leah, don't leave me! Let go of me Seth!" _Crunch, splat… _That didn't sound good. I felt strangely detached from everything, maybe I was having an out of body experience or going on a spirit walk.

"Stop it! Let me go. Leah I love you!" Embry sounded like he had a bad cold… huh… that's the second time Seth's broken Embry's nose since we got here. I'm guessing Embry's the one dripping blood all over me… Again… I hear what he's saying. I understand the words, but they don't make sense.

"STOP IT! Both of you." You could hear the Alpha even in Jake's human voice. "Nessie! Go get Jasper. NOW!" I felt the air stir as Cullen took off. She didn't even make him ask "Pretty Please."

A huge wave of tranquility hit me in the chest. I was already having trouble breathing. Now it was impossible. The serene sensation lifted a little and I started gasping like a fish out of water.

"Now everyone, let's just calm down for a minute." He said that as if any of us actually had a choice. Stupid blood-sucking leech.

"Embry, stop saying you still love Leah. You just imprinted on Sophie." Thanks a lot Jake, would you like a little salt to rub in my open wounds?

"I know Jake, I don't understand it either. You know how you felt when you imprinted on Nessie? How everything tying you to everyone else was cut away—how you didn't love Bella anymore and Nessie was the center of your universe? She was the only one that mattered." I would spontaneously combust if I had to listen to Embry and Jake bond while sharing their imprinting experiences.

"That didn't happen to me. My love for Leah has not changed. Not one little bit. Maybe I didn't really imprint." He sounded so… hopeful. It made me love him even more. This is not fair!

"Embry, you definitely imprinted. We all felt it. What about Sophie? How do you feel about her?" I might have been catatonic and unresponsive, but my heart stopped beating while I waited for his answer.

Embry's voice got all soft and lovey-dovey. "I love her too… like a daughter. I am completely bound to her as well. It's like… I don't know… I feel like a moon caught between two planets. Gravity is pulling me in two different directions and I'm stuck. I can't live with out either of them… maybe I don't have to choose." I could see the gears turning in Embry's head… "We could be a family. Leah is my soul-mate… but Sophie could be our daughter." _What about our daughter? The daughter you pried your eyes out for… the one that _doesn't _want to drink blood… did you forget about her already?_

Blondie roared, "She's not your daughter. She's mine!" Jasper hit us with another blast of his magical, mystical mind waves. I was so relaxed my arm slipped off my face. I didn't want to look at Embry; but he was still the center of _my _universe so I didn't have a choice. He was looking at me with so much longing, love, and pain. Even with the mental manipulations of the leech, Embry was in pain. So was I. I'm such a fool. Why was it impossible to push him away after he imprinted? I never had a problem with it before. I broke up with him every year. So why didn't I push him away when he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me to my feet. Why did I have to cling to him and love him more than ever?

"I love you Leah! Please believe me. I love you. Everything else changed, but not that, not my love for you. That remains the same." Why does he keep saying that? He can't possibly still love me. What strange force has addled his brain? Oh, man. I sound just like Cullen, and Embry sounds an awful lot like Jake. Crap. Well, it's obvious he's confused and in pain. I'll be damned if I'm going to stomp on his heart when he is so vulnerable.

"Leah please say you believe me." He sounded so sincere and so desperate. This would probably turn around and bite me in the ass tomorrow but I didn't care. I would gladly trade all of my tomorrows for one more day of being loved by Embry Call. Just one more day.

"I love you too Embry, I love you _too_." Once I said it out loud, I knew it was true. I knew—that at least for now—Embry loved me. He grabbed my face and our lips crashed together with so much force it's surprising no one lost any teeth. The rest of the world disappeared as I lost myself in Embry's kiss. I'm sure we were completely inappropriate, but I wasn't aware of anything but Embry. His hands were roaming all over my body and I was practically climbing his, when the gods decided I was happy enough to throw me to the ground one more time.

"Non mi piace, mandala via." Sophie was tugging on the hem of Embry's shorts, and even though I don't speak Italian, I certainly got her message. Embry did too. He froze. Our lips were still smashed together but he managed to tilt his head to the side so he could see the little monster with his good eye. I could feel the opposing forces trying to pull him apart. Rose was trying to peel Sophie off Embry's leg but she wasn't letting go easily. Embry broke the kiss but kept one arm wrapped around my waist as he bent to pick up Sophie.

"Oh hell no! I am not doing this Embry! I am not Mia Freakin' Farrow and you sure as hell are not Woody Allen."

"Who are Mia Farrow and Woody Allen?" Embry looked confused, but it turns out I didn't need to explain anything. Emmett was all over that one.

"They're a couple of old actors, popular in the '70s. She had a bunch of adopted kids and her husband—Woody Allen—fell in love with one of them and married her…

A look of horror replaced the confused look on Embry's face. "NO! Leah, I would never!... She's just a little girl!"

"What happens when she grows up in… what?... another four or five years? What then?"

The confused look was back. "I… don't… I…I can't even imagine her as an adult. We've got at least four years to figure something out.

That was not what I wanted to hear. I was looking for something more along the lines of 'Don't worry Leah; she will never be more than a daughter to me.' I did NOT want to figure things out in four short years. Wait a minute… Hadn't I been willing to trade everything for just one more day? The gods were offering me a thousand days. Why was one day worth the rest of my life, but four years was unbearable? I had always been good with math, but this did not add up.

If we had four years together as a family, our child would know and love her father. She would be three years old when Sophie matured. Just thinking about it drained the blood from my face.

This didn't have to be an all or nothing situation. I could take the one day I so desperately wanted. Maybe even a week, or a month. No more than a year. That was my limit. Our baby would only be a few months old; she would not remember him. I would leave him one year from today; or when the pain of staying out weights the pain of leaving… whichever comes first.

I had to explain the rules to Embry. It wouldn't be fair to let him think I was going to stay for more than a year. Or worse, be his second rate wife in a polygamist marriage. It wasn't unusual for our ancestors to have more than one wife at a time. Crap. Is that what he's thinking?

"I am not going to share you Embry, so you can get that thought out of your mind right now."

That's when she bit me. The little leech actually bit me! She sank her teeth into the back of my thigh—shooting pain all the way down my leg to my ankle. It's a wonder I didn't phase on the spot. Every instinct demanded it, but I didn't feel even a hint of the normal heat and trembling that should have overwhelmed me from being bitten by an enemy. Maybe it was Embry's horrified look that kept me human. All he had to do was touch her cheek and she let go. His voice was much too kind and gentle, when he scolded her. She pushed her lower lip out in a pout and forcefully repeated her earlier order, "Non mi piace, mandala via."

Embry looked at Emmett and asked, "How do you say 'I can love both of you' in Italian?"

"Both children understand English as well as Spanish; they haven't spoken anything other than Italian yet, but just talk to her normally."

"Sophie, I want you to be nice to Leah. She is important to me. I love her. Do you understand?" The little freak looked at him adoringly and said "Si."

Embry beamed back at her and she jumped into the air reaching for him. He had to let go of me to catch her. I wasn't about to let her bite me again, the first wound was just starting to heal, so I stood there and watched the two of them. She placed her tiny little claws on his cheeks—turned his face so he had no choice but to look in her eyes—and claimed him as her own, "Embry. Mine." Rose and I were the only ones who didn't laugh.

Embry ran one arm around my waist and kissed the side of my head. Sophie hissed and this time Embry's voice was firm. "Sophie, if you can't be nice to Leah, I am not going to hold you." She leaned around him to glare at me, narrowed her eyes and warned, "Embry. Mine."

"Yeah well, he was mine first so deal with it." Embry gave us both a squeeze and laughed. I'm glad he was enjoying this because I sure as hell wasn't.

* * *

If you told me yesterday that Embry and I would be spending an entire day

with Blondie and Monkey Man, I would have said you were crazy. I could tell it was stressing Embry. It was impossible to get Mini-vamp to accept me as part of the package. You want Embry—you get Leah—take it or leave it.

I was as nice as I could be to the kid, but she wasn't buying it. She was too young to understand the rules of the game. I cooed, coaxed, and cajoled for all I was worth. Embry ate it up, even if his little monster didn't. Rose finally announced that it was bedtime for the kids. They immediately started howling. Embry picked Sophie up and said, "Be a good girl and go to sleep quickly. I will see you when you wake up." He tucked her into bed and kissed her forehead. She sighed contentedly and closed her eyes.

"Wow. I wonder if we can get someone to imprint on Georgie here." Emmett grinned and practically shoved George's screaming face into mine. "Look really close George. Look in her eyes. Do you feel anything yet, Leah?" Emmett asked, hopefully. I don't know why I laughed. It wasn't funny, but I'm glad I did. Embry hugged me so tightly he lifted my feet off the ground.

"Is it any wonder that I love you as much as I do? You are one amazing woman, Leah."

"You're just saying that so I won't imprint on Georgie." He laughed, then kissed me. My knees grew weak and I melted as he pressed the entire length of his body against mine.

"Oh gag. Go get a room." Blondie was ready for us to leave. So was I.

"We'd love to, thanks. How nice of you to offer." Embry swept me off my feet, and carried me like a new bride toward the vamp's bedroom. Even Emmett didn't think that was funny. He was blocking the door with his huge frame before we were within three feet of it.

He crossed his arms over his chest and just shook his head back and forth. Embry laughed and punched him in the arm. "Just kidding Emmett. But seriously, where are we supposed to bunk?"

"How about in the dog house?" Blondie growled.

"Quil and Seth are sleeping in the commons and I noticed two empty sleeping bags on the floor in there. I think that's where you're supposed to sleep—but I'm pretty sure no one is planning on using the office in the top of the tree tonight." Emmett grinned and said, "Hang on a minute, I'll be right back." He was gone for maybe three seconds before he returned and handed me a home-made sign… "No Trespassing, Guard Dogs on Premises." I snorted and turned it around so Embry could read it. He laughed and said, "Hey, as long as it keeps everyone out, I don't care what it says."

* * *

Our first night together after imprinting was different. We were different. We made love with so much tenderness and reverence that it seemed almost holy. Embry looked into my eyes the entire time. He never blinked, not even once. He murmured my name repeatedly—telling me all night how much he loved me. I wept with joy and sorrow both. I knew I should have told him I was only staying for one year. He might not want me at all if he knew what I was planning. I promised myself I would tell him tomorrow. I couldn't ruin what might be our last night together. I needed this night of solace first. This night belonged to me. Embry. Mine.


	26. Wedges and Wedgies

**+A/N**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer with the exception of Morgan, Sophie and George. They are mine. No copyright infringement is intended. I am not getting paid.**

**A special THANK YOU to MrsKatyCullen for providing all the Italian translations! **(I hope I used them correctly)

Chapter 26: Wedges and Wedgies

"Jacob Black! Put me down, right now!" Nessie tried unsuccessfully to keep from laughing so Jake would take her seriously.

"Not until you say 'sorry'." Jake was also trying not to laugh. The sensation of his shaking shoulder under her tummy tickled and made her twitch. _Ah-Oh. I hope that doesn't give him any ideas._

Jake laughed devilishly and started tickling her ribs. Nessie held her breath trying to resist the inevitable.

"Say you're sorry and I'll stop." She wasn't sure she wanted him to stop. The feel of his hands on her body was wonderful, even if they also triggered her ticklish reflexes.

Nessie shrieked with laughter and her body jerked involuntarily trying to escape Jake's hands. He only tickled her more intensely. "Jake!... Stop it!" She was gasping for air between spasms.

"That didn't sound like an apology. All you have to do is say it. Just one little word Nessie, come on… you can do it." Jake was laughing almost as hard as Nessie.

"Alright fine. I'm sorry." Jake immediately stopped tickling her, but didn't release his hold. "Put me down! I said I was sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Jake wasn't going to let her get away with a generic apology. She was still hanging upside down and staring at Jake's back. She let her gaze travel a little lower and noticed a strip of red fabric peeking out from the waistband of his shorts. _Is he wearing boxers? Since when does Jacob Black wear underwear? And why? _She giggled as she slipped her fingers below his waistband, grabbed a fist full of the soft red fabric, and yanked upwards as hard as she could.

"HEY!" Jake yelled and began squirming around trying to readjust as Nessie laughed even harder. "Okay, Nessie you asked for it." She didn't even have a chance to respond before he smacked her butt.

"Ouch Jake! That hurt." It didn't actually hurt, but it did sting a little. That was no love pat. She reflexively reached back and rubbed the spot he hit.

"Oh I'm sorry Nessie, do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?" He was using babytalk—still teasing her.

"Yes. As a matter of fact I do." She whispered in what she hoped was a sultry voice. She felt his shoulder stiffen and was immediately embarrassed. Jake pulled her around and held her in his arms like a bride. His eyes grew darker, almost black, and his heart rate increased but he was smiling softly.

"Will this do?" He kissed her forehead, but she just smiled and shook her head. "How about this?" He kissed her nose, then her forehead.

"Uh-uh," Nessie noticed her own heart was beating faster. "You'll have to do better than that Jacob."

"You know how I love a challenge…" The vibration of his chest when he spoke did crazy things to her body. He began to kiss all over her face, carefully avoiding her lips. (Jasper's 'no kissing' rule was still in effect.) It was so hard not to turn into him when his lips brushed the corner of her mouth. A soft moan escaped and Nessie bit her lip, to keep from groaning.

"All better now?" Jake's voice was husky and even deeper than before.

"Oh Jacob. Kiss me. Please just kiss me." Nessie panted as she wiggled out of Jake's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. He took in a deep breath and shuddered as he exhaled.

He slid his hands under her hips and roughly jerked her higher on his body so she was situated well above the waistband of his shorts. The feel of his bare skin against her inner thighs shot an electric current of desire through her entire body. He pressed her close for a second, gave her a quick peck on the nose and then set her down. Her knees were weak so she leaned into Jake for support. He wrapped his huge warm arm around her shoulder and gave her one armed hug.

"Come on, let's go." Jake slid his hand down her arm, grabbed her hand and pulled her forward. Nessie was still a little dizzy.

"Where?"

"We've gotta go see Jasper. His damn rules are killing me."

_Jasper's office_

"You want me to do what?" Jake was scowling indignantly.

"I want you kiss her while I monitor her reactions, and as soon as I tell you to stop, you break the kiss." Jasper repeated his instructions patiently.

"That's just sick! I am not going to make out with Nessie while you watch!" Jake was starting to get angry so Nessie placed her palm on his cheek. He pulled away but Nessie projected her desire to work through their problems before she lost contact.

"You really want to do this?" Jake knit his eyebrows together and frowned.

"If it will help me get over my 'mother issues' then yes, I definitely want to do this." Nessie didn't like the idea of 'making out' in front of Jasper either; but she was desperate to overcome one of their biggest obstacles. No one had so much as mentioned the largest issue looming over them… Imprinting… Maybe one issue at a time was the wisest course of action.

"Why can't I just share what I'm feeling through my hands while we kiss in private? As soon as I start to feel nauseated or upset, Jake will stop." It seemed like a viable alternative to Nessie.

"Because I don't want to risk transferring any of your negative emotions to Jacob's psyche. Even though his logical mind knows you aren't nauseated by him, his emotional or subconscious mind doesn't understand logic, only emotions."

"Oh, okay then." Nessie looked at Jake hopefully. "Well?" She could feel tears starting to form and knew her eyes were glistening.

Jake's answer was to take her face in his hands and lean in for a tender kiss. Their lips met, but did not move for several seconds. _Okay, it looks like I will have to initiate the next step. _Nessie slowly parted her mouth and ran her tongue hesitantly along Jake's lower lip. She was encouraged when Jake moaned softly into her mouth and deepened the kiss.

"Stop, please." Nessie was surprised and frustrated when Jasper interrupted. He was obviously reading her emotions because he laughed softly and said, "Nessie, your body reacts before your mind even knows what's going on. I could feel the tension starting to build and I wanted to stop you before you began to feel uncomfortable." He smiled at her kindly. "Each time it should be a little better, and last a little longer before I need to stop you."

Jasper grinned as he looked at Jake. "I'm sorry that was awkward for you Jacob."

Jake blushed and said, "It wasn't too bad. I think I can handle it."

"Good, try to relax and forget I'm even here." Jasper leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes as he focused on the emotional climate of the room.

The hour passed quickly and Jasper's assumptions proved to be correct. Nessie and Jake were able to kiss for longer periods of time and with more intensity. Nessie actually forgot all about Jasper and was startled when he told them to stop.

"Y'all did great and I believe we'll have this little problem licked in no time at all." Jasper stood up signaling the end of the session.

Jake helped Nessie to her feet and slipped his arm around her waist. "So, can we kiss in private now?"

"I'm sorry, no. Not yet. I don't want to have to start over from the beginning." Jake and Nessie both groaned which earned a hearty laugh from Jasper. "Why don't we meet back here later tonight, after Morgan's surgery?"

Nessie was ashamed that she had completely forgotten about Morgan during therapy. They had finally convinced her to allow Edward to read the baby's thoughts to help determine its gestational development. Nessie couldn't understand why Morgan had thrown such a fit about it until Jake mentioned that Morgan probably didn't want to think of the baby as a sentient being.

Carlisle and Edward were going to deliver the baby tonight. All the other vamps including Marcus were going hunting. Cesarean sections tended to be rather bloody surgeries and no one wanted to take any chances.

Nessie and Jake decided to go back to the archery range until it was time to leave. "So Nessie, what is the rule about distracting me when I'm ready to take a shot?" Jake was grinning so Nessie knew he wasn't serious.

"To only do it when I'm sure you can't catch me?" Nessie grinned back at him.

"Ha! As if you could ever out-run me." Jake was looking at her sideways with his muscles tensed and ready to spring.

Nessie didn't answer him, but took off at top speed through the jungle. She could hear him right behind her as she danced through the thick undergrowth. Jake laughed as soon as they entered the clearing and sprinted past her.

They spent several hours talking, flirting, and laughing as they flung arrows at the battered target. Nessie was pleased with her progress and was well on her way to surpassing her personal best score.

She was focused and ready to release her arrow when Jake cleared his throat. She thought he was just trying to pay her back for this morning. She had kissed the tight muscles between his shoulder blades just before he released his arrow. Jake missed the entire target, not just the center ring, or the outside mark, but the whole target. Nessie hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. Just remembering how Jake had roared in outrage and thrown her over his shoulder was enough to break her concentration. Her arrow hit just outside the mark, ruining her chances of beating her best score. "Damn it Jake! What is it?"

"I have to go back to La Push."

Nessie froze and her heart stopped. It didn't just skip a beat. It actually stopped. _He's leaving? No! _Jake was moving in slow motion. She watched his chest slowly expand as he pulled his bow. _No heart beat. _His biceps bulged and the tendons in his forearms corded under smooth russet brown skin. _No heart beat_. Jake drew a slow steady breath and exhaled as he settled into position. _No heart beat_. He released the string and his arrow flew straight and true into the middle of a tight cluster of red-fletched arrows. _No heart beat_. It made a muted _whump _sound as it struck the target…

"And I want you to go with me." _Thumpa-thumpa-thumpa… _Her heart resumed beating with a vengeance. It raced and pounded furiously in her chest. She exhaled loudly with relief, which got Jake's attention.

"Nessie! Are you okay? Why is your heart rate elevated?" He gripped her shoulders with his huge warm hands and stared at her intensely. Worried creases appeared at the corners of his eyes.

"I'm fine, Jake." Nessie felt lightheaded and dizzy but recovered rapidly. She smiled and reached for his hand. "I would love to go to La Push with you. What's the occasion?"

Jake's eyebrows drew in slightly and the corners of his mouth turned down just a bit. "It's Embry. This partial imprint—or what ever it is—is so damn weird. I called home and talked to Billy about it. He said he'd ask around to see if anyone had any ideas about what was going on."

"Is it something we need to worry about? Embry seems absolutely blissful to me. I know he has his hands full trying to keep Sophie from attacking Leah, but I haven't seen him without that huge silly grin plastered all over his face since he imprinted.

"Leah told him yesterday that she is only going to stay with him for a year at most. He's pretty torn up about it. He should have lost all interest in Leah the minute he imprinted, but he didn't… he thinks imprinting on Sophie made his connection to Leah even stronger. Nessie, it's like he imprinted on both of them. This is not going to end well."

"So how is going back to La Push going to help anything?"

"I don't know. But the council had an emergency meeting after I talked to Billy and they are sort of ordering us to all come home." Nessie did not like the sound of that. "I know the timing is awful, but I don't have a choice. I can't stand to be away from you right now. Not after all we've been through. I need you to go with me."

Nessie had not been allowed to leave the jungle since they moved here. It was too risky. Now that the Volturi were defeated and on the run, maybe it was an acceptable risk. "Is it safe for me to go back?"

"I discussed it with your family after you went to bed last night." He smiled sheepishly when Nessie narrowed her eyes. "Now, don't get mad at me. I didn't want to say anything until I knew you could actually go. So yeah, we figured the risk of any stray Volturi attacking is actually much less in La Push than it is here. Especially when you add Sam's pack to mine. There is no way any fugitive would be that brave or crazy. The riskiest part will be getting there. Your dad is chartering a small jet to protect you from the public and minimize the time spent waiting in airports.

Nessie was ecstatic at the thought of joining the "real" world. Morgan was the first human she had encountered since they arrived in the jungle. Would she be able to control her blood lust around so many humans? What if she lost control and attacked one of Jake's people? She felt the blood drain from her face.

"Nessie, what's wrong?" Jake grabbed her upper arms and squeezed gently. "We'll keep you safe. In fact I'll feel much better knowing we have two packs to protect you."

"I'm not worried about me." She hung her head in shame. "I'm worried about your people."

"Why? No bloodsucker has come within a hundred miles of the rez since we took out Victoria. My people are very well protected."

"Who will protect them from me?" She was so ashamed she couldn't look at him.

"What are you saying, Ness? Why would you be considered a threat?" Jake stood perfectly still and Nessie cringed as she waited for his mind to assemble the pieces. "Do you crave human blood?"

Nessie couldn't speak around the lump in her throat. She just nodded her head.

"I don't understand, Nessie. You spend hours everyday with Morgan keeping her baby calm. You don't want to drink her blood. _Do you_?"

Tears of shame and self-loathing ran down her cheeks. "It is a struggle every single day, Jake. I want to drink her blood so bad it hurts. My throat is on fire from the moment I enter her room until I leave. That's why I've been hunting every single day since we got back."

"Oh Nessie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Jake pulled her into a hug and Nessie clung to him. It felt so good. The hell with Jasper's rules. She needed this. She inhaled deeply tasting his scent in the back of her throat.

"I knew Morgan was driving Georgie and Sophie absolutely crazy… Perché non posso averla? Il suo profumo è così buono!" Jake's pronunciation was terrible as he mimicked the children, but at least he got the words right. "I guess it just never occurred to me that you might want her too."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to—if it will be too painful." Jake released her from his embrace and lifted her face to peer into her eyes. "It's okay, Sweetheart. I understand, and you know that I'll come back to you just as soon as I can."

"If there is anyway we can figure out how to keep everyone safe, I want to go with you. I can handle the throat burn, it's no worse for me than anyone else, but I don't know if I can resist a highly concentrated source of blood. Do you think you could control me if I lose my mind to blood-lust?"

"Do you want to find out?" Jake's face broke into the giant grin she loved so much and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Nessie giggled and playfully slapped Jake's chest. "Why Mr. Black, I do believe you just made an indecent proposal." Her southern drawl was a perfect match for Jasper's.

She didn't believe it was possible but Jake's grin grew even wider and his eyes lit up with mischief.

"You are quite right Miss Cullen, do you accept?" Jake had already begun to crouch into position.

Nessie shrieked with laughter and took off across the archery field calling over her shoulder. "You have to catch me first wolf-man!"

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." Jake growled playfully and then sprang forward. Nessie's heart began to pound; her body didn't know it was just a game. The adrenaline rush was wonderful and the pleasure of being chased by Jacob only made it more so.

Nessie knew she couldn't out run Jake in an open meadow, but she had a chance if she could reach the forest's edge before he caught her. Too late. She shrieked again, when Jake grabbed her around the waist and tossed her into the air. He wrapped his arms around her as she landed and the heat from his chest blazed into her back. The warmth spread when she felt his lips against her ear. His hot breath tickled as he whispered. "Try to get away. Try your hardest, as if your life depended on it."

Nessie realized the serious nature of the game. She twisted and squirmed; pushed and shoved, but Jake held her. She could not escape. Her heart was pumping hard from the thrill of the chase and as she struggled to escape Jake's grasp, a dangerous amount of venom pooled in her mouth. She stopped struggling and Jake let go. Rather than swallow the bitter tasting venom, she spit it out onto the ground.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah—it's venom—more than I've ever produced before."

"Oh." It was a single word, but it spoke volumes. Jake was staring at the silver smear on the ground. Nessie felt sick.

"Jake… if I bit you… would that have…"

"Yeah, it would have killed me." Jake's voice was devoid of all emotion. Nessie turned away from him and spit out the last trace of venom-streaked saliva. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and mumbled, "I'm sorry Jake."

"What for? It's not like you were gonna' bite me."

"Jake, when I get really upset or scared or angry… I taste venom. I have since that night in the river. However, I have never had such a dramatic and overwhelming response. I don't know what this means."

"It means I better not piss you off." Jake grinned at her and playfully shoved her with his shoulder.

"Jake! That is not funny. I could kill you; I actually have the ability to kill you." Nessie's voice became shrill as she realized the serious nature of yet another complication.

"Nessie, I could kill you too. I've always had the ability to kill you, but that doesn't mean you are in any danger from me. Just like I am not in any danger from you."

"I don't know Jake, what if I accidentally bit you?"

"That is less likely to occur than me accidentally phasing and hurting you." Jake's eyes widened with fear. "Nessie… Please tell me this is not going to drive another wedge between us."

Nessie pushed down her hysteria and vowed to deal with it on her own. She would find a way to keep Jake safe from her venom without letting it interfere with the progress they were making. "Okay, no more wedges." Nessie grinned as she grabbed the waistband of Jake's boxers again, "but I can't resist the _wedgies._"

Jake twisted away before she managed the maneuver. Her fingers brushed the bare skin of his lower back and she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning.

Jake laughed and his grin widened. "Two can play that game, Nessie." He lunged at her and she dropped to the ground rolling over to protect her backside. Jake twisted mid-air and managed to land crouched over her. Her heart was pounding so hard its frantic rhythm was all she could hear. Jake slowly lowered his body without touching her; supporting his weight on his hands and toes as if he were doing push-ups. When his face was just inches above hers, she grabbed his head and tangled her fingers in his hair. She tried to pull him closer, but he just smiled that damn sexy crooked grin of his and refused to come any closer.

"Remember the rules, Nessie? No kissing on the mouth." His smirk was infuriating. She arched her back and lifted her body into his as she bit his lower lip. _No kissing? Well, he never said anything about biting, did he!_ She didn't mean to draw blood and as soon as she tasted it, she let go and dropped to the ground. She looked into Jake's eyes expecting to see outrage or some form of censure. All she saw was passion and desire. She slowly licked the trace of Jake's blood off her lips as she watched the wound heal. Unexpectedly, the full length of her body was covered by Jake's and his mouth was crushing hers. She ran her hands over the broad expanse of his back and shoulders before caressing his face. When her palms rested on his cheeks, she was barely aware of what she was doing until Jake growled and rolled off her onto his back, panting heavily. He flung an arm over his face and mumbled a few choice swear words.

"Jake?" Nessie's voice quivered. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"Don't apologize Sweetheart. That was just so f... freaking hot. I can't wait till we're married."

Nessie's heart soared. _He still wants to marry me! _Nessie impulsively pushed Jake's arm off his face as she straddled his waist. "I love you Jacob Black!" she exclaimed before crushing his mouth with another hungry kiss.

Jake slid his hands up and down the sides of her torso twice before gripping her hips and sliding her off his body as he rolled onto his side. He continued to kiss her as she struggled to pull their bodies back together. When she tossed her leg across his thigh and locked her heel behind his knee, Jake slid his hand onto her hip. His thumb dug into the soft flesh just beneath her hipbone as he gripped her body and pushed her away.

"Nessie! We have to stop right now or I swear I will take you right here on the jungle floor."

"I don't care Jake! I want you… I want you now…" Nessie shoved against Jake's rock solid shoulder trying to force him onto his back. He didn't budge.

"No, Nessie. Not like this. I love you too much." They both froze. The pain in Jake's eyes was a mirror of her own. The one word that should bring them even closer together was the one word that drove them apart. _Love. _

"I'm sorry Ness, I didn't mean… well actually I did… but… I know I'm not supposed to say it…"

Nessie shushed Jake with a tender kiss. Their lips moved slowly and gently for several moments before they broke the kiss. Nessie smiled sadly and said, "We better get back to the gate, I'm sure everyone else is ready to go hunt."

"Sure, sure." Jake mumbled as he jumped to his feet and brushed the dirt from his body.

Nessie ran her fingers through her hair and was pleased when she noticed how much longer it had grown, there were several leafs tangled in her unruly curls. She gasped when Jake brushed his hand over her backside. "You are covered in all sorts of debris my dear. It is obvious we have been rolling around on the jungle floor. Your father would kill me even if he couldn't read my mind. Nessie cringed at the thought of what was sure to be at the forefront of her mind for the next several hours. At least Edward would be busy assisting Carlisle for some time. She hoped it would be enough time to get herself under control.

Nessie was suddenly very anxious to go to La Push. It would be so nice to relax and not guard every stray thought that flitted through her brain.

"When is the soonest we can leave for La Push? I can't wait to get out of here!"

Jake laughed and mussed her hair. "Shall we wait for the jet, or would you rather ride me all the way to La Push?"

Nessie threw back her head and laughed with her entire body. "I can't wait to tell Leah and Embry what you just said."

Jake closed his eyes, shook his head and groaned. "I never should have let them anywhere near you."

**A/N Some definitions…**

**Wedgies—an uncomfortable intrusion of clothing, usually briefs, up into the crack between the buttocks (I am not making this up! That's the official definition in MS Word's dictionary)**

**Translation of Jake's Italian phrase… ****"Why can't I have her? She smells so good!**


	27. The Hunt

**A/N**

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer with the exception of Morgan, Sophie and George. They are mine. No copyright infringement is intended. I am not being paid.**

Chapter 27

_The Hunt_

The mood was festive at the gate. Esme, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Rose, and Emmett were all laughing and chatting amicably while Sophie and George chased a large rat around the roots of a nearby tree.

Nessie was surprised when she noticed Leah and Embry about fifty yards away talking quietly to each other. "Are they going with us?"

"Probably. It's hard for Embry to be away from either Sophie or Leah. Leah wants to spend every possible minute of her remaining time with Embry so she is willing to put up with Sophie until her year is up. Sophie is just a kid so she doesn't have a clue about why 'her Embry' won't just get rid of Leah." Nessie heard the sadness and worry in Jake's voice. "I've never seen such a freakin' mess."

"Maybe the Elders will have a solution when we get to La Push." Nessie brushed a stray lock of Jake's hair out of his eyes, and then smoothed his brow with her fingers.

"I hope so Nessie, I really hope so." Nessie glanced at Leah and Embry and saw Embry place his palm on Leah's lower abdomen as he leaned in to whisper in her ear. He then leaned down and kissed her belly. _How weird. Oh... My... Gosh!_

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Leah pregnant?" Jake's eyes shot to Embry and Leah. Embry's hand was still on Leah's belly and he leaned over to kiss it again. Leah smiled and placed her hand over Embry's.

Jake started swearing quietly. "This isn't possible. She isn't supposed to be able to get pregnant! She can't be pregnant." The swearing continued. "Well this complicates things."

"Nessie, do you mind staying here while I go have a word with those two?" Nessie knew it was because of Leah and not Jake that he was excluding her, but it still hurt.

"Sure, sure, go on."

Nessie sat on the ground and leaned her back against a tree trunk. She watched Jake approach Leah and Embry from the corner of her eye and wished there were some way to get Leah to accept her. Jake placed a hand on each of their shoulders. His back was facing her so Nessie couldn't read Jake's lips or hear what he said, but it wasn't hard to figure out. Embry's face lit up with a huge grin and Leah brushed a tear out of her eye. Jake pulled them both into a huge group hug. Their beautiful coal black hair and smooth coppery skin blended together until it was hard to tell them apart. Nessie felt incredibly lonely and excluded. She felt foolish tears form behind her eyes and blinked them away.

"Nessie! Come here." Jake's happy, eager voice snapped her out of her melancholy mood. She hopped up and trotted over to the group. Embry and Jake were grinning at her, but Leah was scowling. _Ah-oh._

"So you figured it out, huh." Leah did not sound friendly.

"LEAH, be nice." Jake's voice was laced with Alpha and Leah immediately shrank into Embry's side.

"We weren't planning to tell anyone just yet, so we would appreciate it if you didn't either." Embry smiled at Nessie as he gave Leah a squeeze.

"Sure, sure." Nessie murmured.

"Man, I hate it when she says that." Leah mumbled under her breath, but Nessie heard what she said. She knew Jake and Embry heard it as well, but they all pretended they hadn't.

Jake took Nessie's hand and kissed her cheek before leading her over to the group of waiting vampires.

"It's about time you two showed up." Bella's eyes narrowed as she took in Jake and Nessie's somewhat disheveled appearance. "What kept you so long?" _Don't you dare judge me, Mother! _Nessie was instantly defensive. She and Bella had not fully reconciled since Nessie learned of her mother's prior liaison with Jacob. They were cordial but distant. Nessie hoped they could repair their relationship someday, but her first priority was Jacob.

"That is none of your business, Bella." Nessie knew it irritated her mother when she called her "Bella" instead of "Mom" but she wanted to be sure that her mother got the message. She would not tolerate any interference or censure from her. Jake stared at the jungle canopy above them and scratched his chin. _Smart boy, he knows better than to get in the middle of this. _

Everyone else looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. Bella looked hurt and Nessie instantly regretted her harsh rebuke. She sighed dramatically, "Sorry Mom, we were just discussing the trip to La Push and messing around at the archery range."

It looked like Emmett was going to say something, but he coughed instead when Jake glared at him and growled softly. Bella smiled at her but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Esme, always the peacekeeper, changed the subject.

"Am I the only one that's thirsty?" Sophie and George stopped torturing the rat. They looked up expectantly and began to sniff the air. _They're looking for humans!_ Esme quickly added, "There are lots of delicious pigs just waiting for us to find them."

The kids frowned and George muttered something in Italian but Nessie couldn't quite understand what he said. Rose tried to entice them by faking enthusiasm for the main staple of their diet. She actually rubbed her belly and licked her lips. "Mmmmm… I can't wait to get my little piggy! Yummy." She looked ridiculous.

Nessie couldn't help it. She sucked her lips in trying to keep from laughing, but only snorted through her nose instead. That of course set Jake off. He slapped his hand over his mouth and his entire body shook. Emmett totally lost it when Jake also snorted. That seemed to be the signal for everyone else to join in. Even though they had no idea why everyone was laughing, Sophie and George were soon giggling hysterically as well. That gave Nessie an idea…

She snorted intentionally and wrinkled her nose like a pig. "Here piggy piggy. Come to Nessie." She sniffed the air and pretended to hunt. The children were watching her closely. Nessie growled and snapped her teeth playfully at them. They both shrieked with delight and hid behind Rose and Emmett. "Are you a little piggy? Where's my piggy?" Nessie soon found a fresh scent trail and didn't need to fake anything. She crouched into a hunting pose and began the pursuit. George and Sophie were right behind her.

Jasper must have caught on to what Nessie was doing because she felt an overwhelming sense of blood lust. It took all of her self-control to let the children rush past her and take down the pig. They were messy and inefficient, spilling more blood on the ground than they managed to drink, but as soon as the pig was drained, they both began to sniff out another trail.

"Nessie that was awesome! We have been trying to get the kids to drink pig's blood since we got here and you get them to drain an entire pig in less than five minutes." Emmett was beaming at her.

"Something just clicked. They really enjoyed chasing that rat while we talked and I thought if we made it into a game; they might actually start to hunt. I think that's all that was missing—the thrill of the hunt. Once the instincts kick in there's no stopping it.

"I'll bet those kids have never hunted before. Meals were always delivered to the castle if you know what I mean." Leave it to Emmett to state the obvious. "There is something about chasing down your meal that makes it taste so much better."

They all heard the shrill squeal of a pig and took off in pursuit of the children. Emmett and Rose tried to teach the kids to kill their prey in a more humane manner, but Sophie seemed to take delight in toying with her food before consuming it. It was disturbing to watch. Even Embry seemed to disapprove.

All the vampires and Nessie gorged themselves before heading back to the compound. They took their time, letting the kids chase each other through the jungle.

"I'll bet they sleep soundly tonight!" Bella laughed as Sophie tackled George.

"That's the idea." Emmett grinned lasciviously at Rose. "We haven't had a night to ourselves since we got those two."

"Welcome to the world of parenthood." Bella chuckled.

"Gross Mom. Too much information!" Everyone laughed at Nessie's discomfort.

Sophie yawned and reached for Embry as George jumped into a nearby tree and quickly scampered out of Emmett's reach.

"George! Come back here you little… OUCH! Geeze Rose, I was only gonna call him a little 'monkey'." Emmett rubbed the back of his head. "You know you really shouldn't hit me in front of the kids—it sets a bad example." Rose growled in response.

Nessie was already flying up the closest tree to get the drop on George. She jumped across and landed on the same branch as 'the little monkey'. "Alright Georgie Porgie, be a good little boy and come here. Come to Nessie."

He squatted on the branch and lifted his arms, reaching out to her. She was a little suspicious of his motives and moved cautiously toward him. "Come on Sweetie." He lowered his arms and crouched on the branch. Nessie almost dodged him when he sprang at her, but at the last minute snatched him out of the air mid-flight. He wrapped his arms around her neck and nuzzled his face into her shoulder. Nessie's heart melted and she cooed, "Ah, that's a good boy Georgie. What a sweetheart." She rubbed his back for a minute and then kissed his cheek. "Do you want to ride on my back while I climb down or do you want me to toss you to Daddy?"

"No Daddy! Georgie go Nessie!" He tightened his grip around her neck and kissed her cheek, just the way she had kissed his, making her laugh.

"Hey Jake, it looks like you have some competition." Emmett's boisterous laugh echoed through the suddenly silent jungle. The rest of the hunting party froze, with eyes wide and shocked expressions on their faces. "Oh crap… I'm sorry, Leah… I didn't mean anything… It was just a stupid comment."

Embry stood with Sophie on one hip and his opposite arm around Leah's waist.

Nessie couldn't believe Emmett was so insensitive. What a horrible thing to say under the circumstances. The pain on Leah's face was heart wrenching. Sure enough, Leah jerked away from Embry's embrace and stomped away from the group. Embry immediately handed Sophie to Rose and took off in pursuit of Leah.

Sophie howled piteously "Non lasciarmi!" Embry froze. So did Leah. She had her back to everyone but it was obvious she was waiting for Embry to make a decision. Nessie finally understood what Jake had been trying to describe. She could see the opposing forces trying to pull Embry apart. He was obviously in extreme emotional pain, trembling with indecision and incompatible loyalties. Sophie was struggling to escape Rose's arms, crying for Embry. Leah stood awkwardly with her arms held stiffly against her sides, her hands balled into fists, and her shoulders hunched almost to her ears. She was a ball of tension. Every muscle and tendon was visible under her smooth brown skin as she also strained against some unseen force.

"Leah, please…" Embry's voice was plaintive and desperate at the same time. Nessie silently willed Leah to turn around. _Don't make him choose, Leah! Please, turn around and come back._

Leah's body slumped in defeat. Embry looked over his shoulder at the sobbing child in Rose's arms—his face a tortured mask—then turned and ran to Leah.

Embry embraced her, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her head against his chest. Nessie averted her gaze. This moment was too intimate and too agonizing to watch. Even George was quiet as she slowly climbed down the tree and joined the others on the ground.

"Rose, let me take Sophie for a minute." She immediately stopped screaming and relaxed as soon as Jasper touched her.

Embry maneuvered Leah under his arm and gently pushed her head against his neck. He glanced over his shoulder at Sophie one last time and then slowly walked away with Leah at his side.

Everyone exhaled with relief at the same time. Even the vampires who didn't need to breathe.

"I am so sorry guys! I don't know why I said that!" Emmett was genuinely remorseful.

"I guess I need to think before I blurt out the first thing that comes into my head."

"I've been trying to get you to do that for over half a century." Rose sighed and kissed Emmett's cheek before reaching for George. Nessie turned around so Rosalie could pull him off her back. George grabbed a fistful of Nessie's hair, but Emmett pried his fingers loose without the usual battle and Rose was able to coax him into her arms.

"What a good boy, Georgie." Rose crooned at the smiling little imp. "You're Momma's precious baby boy aren't you sweetie."

Jake rolled his eyes and Nessie elbowed him in the ribs. Jake leaned over and whispered in her ear. "If that were our kid, he wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. That boy needs a good spanking."

Nessie's heart swelled when Jake said 'our kid' but was appalled that he considered spanking an appropriate form of discipline. She opened her mouth to argue, but the grin on Jake's face stopped her. She decided they had plenty of time to discuss parenting techniques before they even considered having children. She reached behind her and grasped the back of Jake's neck, pulling his head low enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. She felt his facial muscles twitch under her lips as Jake's grin widened.

"I love you Jacob." Nessie whispered before she remembered how unfair it was of her to say that.

"I know Nessie. I know." Jake whispered back and then kissed the top of her head. She felt his lips move silently against her hair, and realized he was saying, "_I love you too."_

Her heart answered, "_I know Jacob. I know."_


	28. Cuff Links, Kisses, and a Crazy Idea

**I don't own anything except George, Sophie, and Morgan; but you already knew that.**

**~***~**

Chapter 28: Cuff Links, Kisses, and a Crazy Idea

"He's so tiny… and beautiful." She had never held a newborn baby so she was nervous when Carlisle handed him to her. Jake stood directly behind her, looking over her shoulder.

"He's sturdier than he looks Nessie, just be sure to support his head. Here, like this." Carlisle helped settle him in the crook of her arm.

"Oh, wow." Nessie was speechless. How could anything so tiny be so perfect? From the red downy hair dusting the crown of his unbelievably soft head—to his tiny oval fingernails—he was flawless. Nessie couldn't resist kissing the top of his head and she felt his pulse beating against her lips through the soft spot where his skull had yet to close. He smelled so good—like clean laundry and rain.

His dark blue eyes were wide and intelligent as he gazed at her and… smiled. He seemed to recognize her. This little miracle knew her! How could anyone hold a baby and not believe in God? Nessie placed her palm on the side of his face and let her thoughts and feelings flow effortlessly from her heart to his.

"Nessie, stop. Give me the baby." Edward demanded as he took the baby away from her. She immediately felt a sense of loss.

"Dad?" Nessie was hurt and confused by her father's strange reaction.

"I'm sorry Nessie, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but you were bonding with him. It isn't fair to either of you. This baby needs to bond with his parents."

Nessie's eyes filled with tears. "But Dad, Morgan doesn't want him."

Edward smiled at her. "Don't let Morgan or Marcus hear you say that."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Morgan refused to let us administer general anesthesia. She opted for an epidural block instead, so she was awake during the delivery. When he cried for the first time, she looked right into his eyes. It was love at first sight. Morgan still hate's Aro and what he did, but she holds no malice for the child at all, and this little guy loves his mother with all his heart." The baby had his little fist curled around Edward's finger and was trying to draw it into his mouth.

"Are you saying that Morgan decided she wants this baby? After all the hateful things she said about him?" This is what she had hoped for, wasn't it? She wanted Morgan to love her baby. Didn't she?

"What about Marcus? He hates the baby. Is Morgan willing to leave Marcus so she can keep her baby?" Nessie wasn't sure what the relationship was between Marcus and Morgan, but she knew that Marcus was completely obsessed with her, and that Morgan trusted him.

"Marcus has a gift, Nessie. He can read the bonds between people. That's why he connected with Morgan in the first place. She was the first person since his wife died centuries ago that created a visible bond with him. As soon as he saw the bond between Morgan and her baby, he opened his heart and that bond included him. It is impossible for Marcus to hate anything that Morgan loves."

Edward gently rocked the baby in his arms as he spoke. "It's a miracle, Nessie. But love has a way of making miracles happen."

Edward smiled kindly at her. "Come with me, Sweetheart." He led her into the improvised operating room where Morgan was recovering. Nessie almost didn't recognize them. Morgan and Marcus were both beaming at each other and then at the child in her father's arms. It was the first time Nessie had ever seen Marcus smile. He didn't seem creepy or even frightening anymore.

Marcus stood and tenderly took the baby from Edward. "Are you hungry again already my little man?" Morgan laughed quietly and slipped the hospital gown off her shoulder revealing her swollen breast. Marcus handed her the baby. He immediately began to root around and Morgan gasped when he latched on to her nipple. Nessie lunged toward them and would have snatched the baby away if Edward hadn't restrained her.

"It's all right, Nessie." Morgan laughed. "The wee little tyke knows not to bite me. Don't you Love. He just has a strong nursing instinct and a voracious appetite. "

"But… that's milk… doesn't he want blood?" Nessie still had vague memories of the nasty taste of baby formula.

"He definitely wants blood," Edward laughed. "But he is just as happy with his mother's milk."

"Wow." Nessie was speechless.

Edward laughed. "My thoughts exactly. Let's give this new little family some bonding time shall we?"

Nessie nodded and followed Edward out of the room. Everyone was talking in excited whispers. No one could believe how Morgan, and especially Marcus, could have changed their hearts so drastically. Esme looked grief-stricken. Carlisle had his arm around her and Esme was leaning on him for support. _Of course_. Esme and Carlisle had planned to adopt the baby. Nessie felt her heart break for their loss.

"Dad, are you sure that Morgan and Marcus should keep that baby?"

"Absolutely. Once you bond with your child, it's unbreakable." Nessie realized Edward wasn't just talking about Morgan's baby. "I love you so much, Renesmee."

"I love you too, Daddy." Nessie felt tears spill over and flow down her cheeks. Edward wiped them away with his cool fingers. He hugged her briefly and whispered, "I think someone is looking for you."

Nessie peeked over her father's shoulder and saw Jake staring at her. He was wearing that damn sexy crooked grin of his and she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning. Edward groaned and gave her a gentle push toward Jake. "Go on, before I change my mind and try to lock you away someplace he can't find you.

~***~

"Nessie hurry up! We're going to be late." Jake was waiting just outside her door.

She tried once again to get the wild orchid to stay in her hair, but it just wasn't long enough yet. "Ahhhh! Screw it!" Nessie stuck the flower's stem behind her ear and flung her door open.

Jake looked magnificent, better than any male model or movie star—and he was hers. Jake was always gorgeous, but the sight of him leaning casually against the doorframe left her breathless.

"Can you help me with these damn things?" Jake handed her two diamond-studded cuff links.

Nessie looked up at him and when their eyes met, they both smiled and said, "Alice." Laughing softly, Nessie quickly fastened Jake's cuffs. "Only Alice would insist on something as silly as cuff links for a wedding in the jungle."

Jake ran his finger around the edge of his shirt collar and strained against it. "Is she trying to strangle me? This is way too tight!"

"Here, let me fix it." Nessie pulled the tie off his neck and tossed it on her bed. She quickly unbuttoned the top four buttons of his shirt and adjusted the open collar to reveal a small "v" of silky smooth skin stretched over hard muscles. She was used to seeing Jake completely shirtless so she was unprepared when the contrast of stark white cotton against his russet brown skin filled her with desire. Mesmerized, she trailed her fingers along the open edge of his shirt and Jake trembled under her touch.

Nessie took a deep breath and shook her head to clear the lust from her mind. "Let me take a look at you. Hmmm… I really think you should tuck in your shirt." Nessie ran her hands lightly down the sides of Jake's ribs and attempted to slip the hem of his shirt into his jeans at his hips. Jake gasped and grabbed her wrists.

"I better do that." His voice was so low and husky she could barely understand him. She brazenly watched him tuck in his shirt and bit her lip as she let her gaze travel down his body. His dark blue denim jeans rode low on his hips and strained across the muscles of his thighs. She quickly lowered her gaze and noticed Jake was wearing… shoes. Huh. Maybe Alice was serious after all.

"Hang on a minute, Jake." Nessie darted into her closet and retrieved the strappy stiletto heels Alice insisted she wear to the wedding. She tossed the silly shoes out her window, leaned out over the ledge, and watched until they hit the ground. There was no way she was going to attempt to climb down the tree in those things. It was bad enough she had to do it in a dress, especially one as short and form fitting as this one. Nessie wiggled her hips and tugged on the hem trying to cover a few more inches of exposed thigh.

When she turned around Jake was standing right in front of her. He ran his hands up and down the sides of her body then grabbed her hips and pushed her against the wall. His eyes were on fire as he growled, "I… want… you." Nessie clutched the sides of Jake's head and forced his mouth onto hers. They were frantically devouring each other when someone knocked on Nessie's open door.

"Umm… sorry to interrupt… but Alice sent me to fetch you guys. Everyone else is already at the gazebo and… ummm they are threatening start without you."

Jake growled, "Go away Seth." But he broke the kiss and tossed Nessie on his back. "You stay here until we hit the ground. Got it?" Nessie wrapped her arms around Jake's neck, gripped his waist between her thighs and felt the hem of her dress slip up even higher. She hoped her underwear wasn't showing.

"Sure Jake, but why?" Seth sounded genuinely confused.

"I love your innocence, kid. I really do. Nessie is wearing a dress and I don't want you to see anything you shouldn't, so just stay put."

Seth blushed and mumbled "Oh, okay."

Nessie giggled and tugged at the hem of her dress again, but it didn't help.

"Hang on Nessie." Jake made it to the ground in record time and Seth landed just a few seconds later.

He took off and called over his shoulder, "I'll tell them you're right behind me."

Nessie slid off Jake's back and was glad Seth wasn't behind her. She quickly found her shoes and slipped them on while Jake was busy smoothing out his shirt and re-tucking it into his jeans.

~***~

Wild flowers from the jungle filled the gazebo with a riot of color and sweet perfume. _Oh my gosh! This must be the vision Alice had. The one Carlisle told me about in the clearing. This is supposed to be _my_ wedding!"_ Nessie surreptitiously wiped her eyes with her fingertips. _This is Morgan's special day. I refuse to ruin it with my own selfish emotional craziness._

"Nessie? Are you okay?" Jake was instantly worried.

"Sure, sure, I'm just a little emotional. It's a girl thing."

"Oh." Jake went from worried to embarrassed and Nessie realized "girl thing" probably meant something entirely different to Jake. _Geeze! When is he going to stop getting embarrassed about this stuff?_

"I'm not on my period, Jake. I'm just emotional." Jake's face darkened when he blushed, and the effect was sexy. Everything about Jake was sexy. Nessie wished this really were her wedding. Then tonight would be their wedding night and they wouldn't have to wait any longer. She replayed the passionate scene of Jake pushing her against the wall and kissing her in her mind… Nessie suddenly blushed when she noticed her father frowning at her. _Damn! Jake and I are going to have to move to Alaska. _Edward just rolled his eyes, and looked away.

Carlisle officiated and the ceremony was short and sweet. He said something about the bonds of love being stronger than the bonds of blood and venom. Nessie was too busy admiring Jake to catch all of it. Morgan and Marcus promised to love each other and their baby forever. Carlisle pronounced them "Man and Wife." Everyone cheered and clapped as they rushed to congratulate Morgan and Marcus. There was a lot of hugging and kissing among the vamps; but the wolves just shook hands with the happy couple.

Morgan was still weak from the surgery so she and Marcus took the baby and left shortly after the ceremony. Everyone else stayed and enjoyed the moonlight and soft music. Even Sophie and George had a great time laughing, playing and chasing each other.

Nessie was astonished when she saw Embry and Leah dancing with Sophie between them. Embry was the only of the trio that looked even remotely happy. Jake was right. There is no way this can end well. Nessie truly hated everything about imprinting. She hated the way it took away a person's free will, she hated the way it destroyed families and tricked people into thinking they were in love. Most of all, she hated the way it made her doubt Jake's love.

"Nessie, what's wrong?" She quickly pushed away all the negative emotions before looking into Jake's eyes.

"I'll tell you what's wrong, Jacob Black. You haven't kissed me nearly enough tonight."

"Nessie… Jasper is standing right over there and he hasn't lifted the no kissing rule yet. Besides, Edward has been giving me the evil eye all night long." Jake kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his forehead on hers.

"I wonder why?" Nessie pulled back so she could see his face and smiled seductively at Jake. "Could it have anything to do with what you're thinking?" She tucked a loose strand of his hair behind his ear.

Jake laughed and said, "Without a doubt."

"A penny for your thoughts?" Nessie grinned at Jake and lifted her eyebrows.

"Are you _trying_ to get me killed?" Jake whispered as he nibbled at her ear.

"No silly, I'm trying to get _me_ kissed." Nessie pushed her lower lip into a pout and frowned.

Jake lightly brushed his lips across hers and Nessie tried to capture his mouth, but Jake lifted his chin so she couldn't reach his lips. She settled for the sensitive skin under his jaw and trailed kisses down his neck onto the seductive "v" revealed by his partially open shirt.

"Hey guys, you better cool it. Edward is about to explode." Nessie was past caring, but Jake pulled away from her. "Thanks Quil." _Did he just thank Quil for interrupting us? What the hell?_

"Seriously Nessie, you are driving me crazy." Jake's hand shook as he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Nessie Darlin', can I speak to you for just a moment?" How had Jasper managed to sneak up on her?

"Sure Jasper, what's up?"

"If you'll excuse us for just a moment Jacob, I'll bring her right back." Jasper extended his elbow formally and Nessie guessed she was in trouble. Jasper led her far enough away from the party to be sure no one could overhear their conversation.

"Bella is shielding us so you don't need to worry about Edward reading our thoughts. Relax Nessie; I just wanted to talk to you a little bit about what you are doing to Jacob." Nessie would have been even more apprehensive if Jasper was not already calming her down. "You are making things very hard for him right now."

Nessie sucked in her lips and stifled the giggle that threatened to erupt. Jasper smiled indulgently. "I suppose that was a rather poor choice of words on my part, but in this case it is also accurate." Nessie blushed but immediately felt her embarrassment fade as a wave of confidence straightened her spine.

"I was just teasing him a little." Nessie glanced sideways to check on Jake and caught him sneaking a peek at her. She smiled and winked at him.

"It was more than just a little, Nessie. You don't have to be an empath or a mind reader to feel the frustration and lust radiating off that poor man. I know you love him and you wouldn't do anything that would intentionally cause him pain. I assume you are aware of the physical consequences of male arousal?"

Nessie blushed again and Jasper increased the level of emotional support. "Of course Jasper. I passed all my anatomy and human physiology classes months ago. I'm not that naïve."

"Nessie Darlin' there is a tremendous difference between knowing how something works and actually experiencing it. What you are doing to Jake is just plain wrong. His body is going to ache for hours because of your 'teasing'."

"Oh." Nessie didn't know what else to say. "So… it's painful?"

"Very."

"Is there anything I can do to…?" Nessie gasped and felt her eyes widen. "Never mind!" No amount of emotional support could alleviate Nessie's complete mortification.

"There are lots of things you could do to help, but the one you should be focusing on before your wedding is abstinence. That is unless you have changed your mind about waiting?"

"No, we still want to wait. So what exactly should I be abstaining from?"

"Well, I noticed that you two are ignoring my advice to abstain from kissing so I'm going to say that it is up to you and Jake to decide where to draw the lines."

"Sorry Jasper, we did try—for awhile anyway. The good news is that I don't get nauseated anymore when we kiss."

Jasper chuckled softly, "That is very good news, Nessie. How about your other major issue, any progress there?"

"I think so. I still hate the idea of imprinting and it still upsets me when I think about how Jake would have killed me if he hadn't imprinted first. A part of me is afraid that someday the imprint might break and then he would hate me again. I know that isn't logical, but since when have I ever been logical?" Jasper laughed and shook his head, but he didn't disagree. "I know in my heart that he loves me. I just wish I could get my head to believe it."

Jasper squeezed her shoulder. "It sounds like we still have some work to do, but I'm confident we can figure it out. Jake is starting to feel anxious so I think you better skedaddle on over there. Think about what I said and talk to Jake about it, okay?"

"Okay." _That should be an interesting conversation._

Jake was sitting on one of the benches that bordered the gazebo with his long arms draped over the railing at his back. His eyes sparkled with reflected moonlight and drew her to him like a moth to a flame. He took her hands in his and pulled her closer until she was standing between his knees. Nessie was a couple of inches taller in the shoes Alice had decided to torture her with, so she actually had to look down into Jake's eyes.

"Hey you." Jake's voice rumbled in his chest and Nessie's pulse increased. Damn it he was just so irresistibly hot tonight.

"Hey yourself. Did you miss me?" Nessie tried to keep her tone casual, but it still sounded like a cheesy pick up line.

"Mmmm… yeah, I did. Soooo… I think you better make it up to me." Jake pulled her a little closer until she was wedged between his legs. The rough denim of his jeans pressed into the bare skin of her outer thighs and it nearly drove her crazy. Jake reached up, removed the orchid from behind her ear, and trailed it down her throat onto her chest and across the upper edge of her strapless dress before bringing it to his nose and inhaling deeply. Nessie began to tremble and it took all of her self-control to push away from Jake.

"Jake, we need to talk." His eyes immediately widened and his lips parted a little as he drew in a ragged breath. He looked so young and vulnerable.

"It's okay Jake." Nessie placed her palm on his cheek and replayed her conversation with Jasper. She hoped her mother was still shielding her thoughts.

Jake's eyes narrowed and flashed with anger. He didn't even kiss her palm before he started cussing. "That son of a Southern bitch should just mind his own freakin' business."

"Jake? What's wrong? Jasper was just concerned about you. He doesn't want you to be in pain and neither do I."

"He had no right to talk to you like that. You do not need to worry about… about that… _stuff_. If I ever feel like I can't handle something, I'll tell you myself." Jake was practically growling and everyone was staring at them.

"Jake! Calm down, everyone is listening." Nessie felt her face flush with humiliation.

Jake stood abruptly and raised his voice well above what was necessary for werewolf and vampiric hearing abilities. "I am sick and tired of everyone butting into our business. Nessie and I are both adults and we do not need any more advice, counseling, rules, or interference. We can figure things out for ourselves so I would appreciate it if you would all just butt the hell out!" Nessie felt a strong wave of calm wash over her. "That means you Jasper! Shut it off. Quit messing with my moods." The calm dissipated immediately and Nessie's anxiety returned.

"Come on Nessie, we're going for a walk." Jake grabbed her hand and pulled her across the gazebo.

"Jake wait a minute." He glared at her, but at least he stopped. "I just have to get rid of these shoes." She started to bend over, but remembered how short her dress was. Jake dropped to the floor on one knee and held her calf in one hand while removing her shoe with the other. He switched legs and removed the other shoe in the same manner. It was strangely erotic and Nessie felt her heartbeat increase. Jake squeezed her leg briefly before standing up and grabbing her hand again.

There was a buzz of nervous conversation behind them but Nessie couldn't understand what anyone was actually saying. Once they were out of hearing range Jake stopped and pulled Nessie into his chest. "I'm sorry Nessie. I shouldn't have let Jasper get to me, but he had no right to embarrass you like that. I wish we could go someplace where it was just the two of us—no wolf-pack, no busybody bloodsuckers, and no distractions."

Nessie sighed and kissed the exposed skin of Jake's chest. "That does sound nice Jacob. In fact, it sounds like a honeymoon." Jake chuckled and Nessie began to relax.

"Yeah, it does. You know Nessie. We haven't really talked much about getting married since… well since…"

"… Since I overheard Leah and totally freaked out?" Nessie slid her hands around Jake's back and gave him a big hug.

"Yeah, since that whole mess began. So uh… do you still want to get married?"

"Of course I do Jacob." Nessie nuzzled Jake's chest and the buttons of his shirt rubbed against her cheek. She was tempted to unbutton his shirt and remove it for him but decided that might be considered "teasing."

"I can't believe I don't already know this… but… do you want a big fancy wedding with the puffy white dress and bride's maids and all that stuff?" Nessie giggled as she imagined trying to walk through the jungle from the tree house to the gazebo in a traditional wedding gown. She could just see all the torn bits of tulle and lace that would mark her trail.

"I'm serious Nessie. What's so funny?" Nessie put her palm on Jake's cheek and shared her 'wedding vision' with him. Jake laughed with her then kissed her palm.

"We don't have to get married in the jungle. If you want a traditional wedding, you can have one." Jake placed his palms on her cheeks, tilted her face up and locked his eyes onto hers. "Now tell me. What kind of wedding do you want?"

She stared directly into his moonlit eyes and said, "I don't want a big wedding unless you do. I most certainly do NOT want to wear a big puffy dress that will make me look like a vanilla cupcake. I don't care if there are five hundred guests or none at all. As long as you show up and we both say 'I do', I will be deliriously happy."

"You are one amazing woman Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I can't wait to make you my wife." Jake brushed his lips across hers three times and then kissed her gently. "Well Nessie—if you don't care about a big fancy wedding—how do you feel about getting married tonight?"

~***~

**A/N Anyone that reviews this chapter will receive a preview of the next one to show my appreciation. **


	29. What My Heart Knows

**A/N I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

_Previously…_

"You are one amazing woman Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I can't wait to make you my wife." Jake brushed his lips across hers three times and then kissed her gently. "Well, if you don't care about a big fancy wedding, how do you feel about getting married tonight?"

~***~

Chapter 29: What My Heart Knows

"Tonight? You mean like right now?"

"Sure, why not? Marry me now Nessie!"

"Jake… I don't know…"

"What? You don't know what? That I love you? Because I do Nessie. You know I do."

"Awe Jake, please don't start that again. I'm trying to believe you love me, isn't that good enough?"

"No, as a matter of fact it is not. What am I supposed to say for wedding vows, Nessie? I promise to _Like _you forever?"

"Jake…"

"Forget it." Jake turned away from her and threw his hands into the air. "Forget I even brought it up. I'm going to bed."

"NO! Jake wait. Please… talk to me." Nessie grabbed the back of his shirt, accidentally pulling it out of his jeans. "We have to work through this, don't go to bed mad at me. Please."

Jake stood immobile and stiff as a board. Nessie slipped her hands inside his shirt and slid them across his back around to his rock hard abs and pressed the side of her head between his shoulder blades. "If you love me you won't walk away from me. You will stay right here until we come to some form of an agreement."

Jake laughed bitterly. "Is that really all it will take for you to believe me? All I have to do is stay here? Gosh, why didn't you tell me sooner? We could have spared ourselves all this pain and drama."

Nessie stepped back, trailing her hands across Jake's belly before dropping them to her sides. "Jake, your sarcasm is hurting my feelings and it isn't very persuasive. I am not inclined to believe you love me when you are being so mean."

Jake exhaled loudly and dropped his chin, but he didn't turn around.

"Jacob?" He still didn't move. "Come on Jake, at least look at me." Jake tucked his shirt back in as he turned around and the look of absolute misery in his eyes wounded her soul.

Nessie grasped Jake's hand and placed it over her heart. "Jake, my heart believes you. I know in my heart that your love is real. It's just my stupid, crazy, messed up mind that is confused. My heart has faith in your love. My mind wants proof. If you could give me a little more time to work through this… I know my heart will eventually convince my mind."

"So… your heart believes I love you?" One corner of Jake's mouth began to tug upward.

"Yes, Jacob it does." _Please, let it be enough. At least for now, let it be enough._

"Okay then, let me talk to your heart." Nessie frowned skeptically. Jake smiled his crooked little half grin and Nessie knew she couldn't deny him anything.

"Okay Jake. You can talk to my heart if you want." _Whatever that means._

He knelt in front of her, gazed intently into her eyes, and placed his hand over her heart. "Hello Nessie's heart. It's me, Jacob." Nessie wove her fingers through the silky hair on the side of Jake's head and caressed his cheekbones with her thumbs. Jake sighed contentedly and continued to "talk to her heart".

"First, I just wanted to thank you for believing me. I love Nessie so much." Jake closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, exhaling loudly, before locking his gaze back onto hers. "It feels so good to be able to say that out loud… I love Renesmee Carlie Cullen with all my heart, mind and soul. If it's not too much trouble, would you please pass that message on to Nessie's brain? We aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment, but it's important that her brain believes me too. When it does, I am going to marry Nessie and love her with all my heart, mind, soul, and _body_.

When he said "body" Jake slid his hand down to her belly and tenderly kissed her breast exactly over her fluttering heart.

Nessie's knees felt weak and she was sure her eyes rolled into the back of her head as Jake stood up and swept her off her feet. He had one arm behind her knees and one around her back, cradling her against his warm chest and pounding heart. He kissed the top of her head and carried her back to the pavilion.

Everyone must have left right after Jake led her into the jungle. The pavilion was vacant. Jake sat down on one of the benches and Nessie rested in his lap. They sat that way without speaking for some time.

Nessie finally got up enough nerve to ask, "Are you really going to make me wait until there's no doubt in my mind before you marry me?"

"Yeah Nessie, I am. It's important to me."

"I know it is Jake. I'm so sorry… I wish I could just…"

Jake stopped her apology with a kiss. If he was going to interrupt her, this was the method she preferred.

"It's going to be okay, Nessie. We have time to figure things out. It's not like we're getting any older." He smiled and kissed her again. "I'm sorry I suggested we get married tonight. That was really immature and impulsive. I'm not usually like that."

"Ummm…. I beg to differ." Nessie kissed him and Jake responded by deepening the kiss. The half growl-half moan that rumbled in Jake's chest vibrated against Nessie's side. She kept her lips pressed to his and murmured, "I'm glad you are impulsive Jacob Black. Very glad."

Jake pulled back and looked at her under heavy-lidded eyes. "So you like it when I'm impulsive?"

"Oh… yeah." Nessie's heart-rate picked up and skipped a beat when Jake lightly ran his hand from her shoulder to the back of her knee—tracing every curve along the way. He stood up and stepped over the bench as he swung her leg across his hips so she was straddling his thighs when he sat back down. The hem of her dress slid up to the very top of her legs. Trying to maintain some semblance of modesty, Nessie leaned forward, swung her feet behind her and hooked her ankles over Jake's legs just above his knee caps. Jake was looking deep into her eyes and breathing hard. His nostrils flared and his eyes flashed with fire just before he crushed his mouth into hers.

Nessie pushed her palms against his chest and Jake slowly reclined on the bench, never breaking the kiss. The white shirt that looked so sexy on Jake earlier was suddenly nothing more than an unwelcome barrier between his body and her hands. Nessie tugged at the stubborn fabric until Jake arched his back and pulled his shirt loose.

She slipped her hands under his shirt and felt his abs contract as soon as she touched him. It was amazing, but it wasn't enough... she wanted the damn shirt OFF. She wanted to plant kisses across his chest and run her hands unhindered over his shoulders. She wanted to feast her eyes upon the sight of his beautifully sculpted, hard muscled and naked torso.

Her hands shook as she pulled them out from under his shirt and tried to unbutton it. She had effortlessly unbuttoned the top four buttons before the wedding so Jake could breathe easier. Why was it suddenly impossible to unbutton any more of them? Was the front of his shirt sewn together? Nessie growled in frustration and felt Jake's smile on her lips. She broke the kiss, sat up, grabbed his shirt with both hands and ripped it open. Buttons flew everywhere and scattered across the pavilion floor. Jake's eyes widened and his mouth flew open in shock.

Nessie flashed back to the memory of Nahuel ripping her shirt off and was immediately ashamed. How could she do something so violent and disrespectful to Jake? She tried to slide off his body. "I'm so sorry Jacob… I don't know what came over me… I…"

Jake grabbed her waist and held her in place. "Where do you think you're going?" He sat up, flexing his magnificent abs, and recaptured her mouth. Nessie parted her lips and Jake's tongue collided with hers. She was still embarrassed by her aggressive behavior so she focused on moving slowly.

Slow was good. It gave her time to appreciate the smooth texture of his skin and to feel the way he trembled under her touch. She slid her hands over Jake's bare chest and slowly pushed the shirt off his shoulders, sliding it down his arms inch by inch.

Nessie ran her hands across his biceps, and smiled when he flexed them. _Show off._ Pulling away from his warm soft lips, she trailed kisses across his jaw, down his neck and onto his chest. She continued to drag Jake's shirtsleeves down his arms to his wrists, but couldn't go any further. Was it caught on something or just tangled? Nessie gave up all pretense of patient and slow seduction. Pulling and tugging more frantically she managed to turn his sleeves wrong side out, but she still couldn't get his arms free.

Jake's laughter rumbled in his chest and tickled her cheek. Nessie pulled back, pushed her lower lip out into a pout and narrowed her eyes. She smacked his chest with an open palm and Jake just laughed harder. "Ug! What is wrong with this shirt!" She tugged at it one more time, but it refused to budge.

Jake brought his hands together behind his back, wiggled around a bit, and pulled his arms free.

"How did you do that?" Nessie demanded as she raised up on her knees and peered over Jake's shoulder at the crumpled shirt on the bench.

Jake opened his fist and spots of refracted moonlight danced across his face and chest. "Cuff links, remember." He continued to chuckle as he tucked the twinkling diamonds into his front hip pocket. "Is this better?" Jake stretched languidly and the muscles of his naked torso rippled under his warm brown skin.

"Mmmm…. Much better."

Jake smiled seductively at her and whispered, "Now, where were we?"

"I believe you were about to kiss me." Nessie closed her eyes and was leaning toward Jake when all hell broke loose. The compound alarms began to shriek, the security lights turned the night into day, Jake yanked her off his lap, threw her behind him, and phased.

~***~

Nessie was terrified. The alarms had never gone off except when Jasper ran drills. This didn't feel like a drill.

Within seconds, the pavilion was surrounded by wolves and vampires. Nessie raised her head to see what was going on when rough hands grabbed her and tossed her under the floor of the pavilion. "Stay there." Emmett commanded.

"What the hell is going…"

"Shhh…" She felt Alice's tiny cold hand over her mouth, but it was a whispery thin voice from her nightmares that sent shivers down her spine.

"Hello Carlisle my dear friend, would you mind turning off that infernal racket? It is quite annoying and we have much to discuss." _Aro!_

The sudden silence was almost as disquieting as the blaring alarm.

"What are you doing here, Aro?" Carlisle's question sounded more like a statement. His voice was flat and unemotional.

"I come seeking justice. You are harboring a criminal, and while that alone is enough to sentence your entire coven to death—I am willing to overlook your involvement if you deliver Marcus to me now." Aro's voice shook with thinly veiled hostility. That wasn't usually his style. He preferred to act as if his motives were pure and his cause just. He always pretended that his "duty to the cause of justice" caused him great emotional pain and sadness—when in all actuality he was nothing more than a sadistic son of a bitch that enjoyed wielding power over his victims as he watched them suffer.

"You have no authority here, Aro. In fact you are the criminal running from justice. You are nothing more than a bonfire waiting for a match. How many nomads and covens are tracking you right now? You should be begging Carlisle for sanctuary."

"How dare you speak to me Marcus… you filthy, traitorous murderer!" Aro was shouting, or at least he would have been shouting if his vocal chords weren't so weak from centuries of malicious whispering.

"You will find no sanctuary here Aro. I do however, offer sanctuary and protection to the children you are hiding behind. Athenadora, you are also welcome here."

"These 'children' are my loyal servants, elite soldiers of the Red Guard." Aro hissed.

"I do not seek sanctuary." A weak female voice quivered with emotion. "I seek only justice, and my own death. My only hope is to see Marcus punished for murdering my beloved Caius."

"I did not murder Caius, Athenadora. He died during his ill-fated attempt to dethrone this… this tyrant and usurp control of the guard. I have no idea who struck the fatal blow, but I assure you it was not me."

"LIAR!" Athenadora's voice was even weaker than Aro's but the accusation was powered by pure hatred and Nessie felt the force of it even in her hiding place under the pavilion floor.

"Silence!" Carlisle's voice was powerful and authoritative. "It appears we are at an impasse. You are at a distinct disadvantage Aro. Athenadora is no warrior. Your hybrid children are no match for pure vampires and even if they were, you are still outnumbered."

Aro's laugh was maniacal. "You can not stand against me Carlisle! I have lived and ruled for two millennia. I have guided the course of history to mold the world into its current shape. I was an advisor to all of the Ceasars. I wrote The Prince and published it under the name of Niccolo Machiavelli. I personally tutored Leonardo da Vinci, Francis Bacon, Rene Descartes , John Locke, Karl Marx, and Benito Mussolini.

"I liberated our world from the oppressive rule of the Romanians. I sought out and organized the most talented among us into the most powerful elite force our world has ever known. I established order out of chaos and maintained the system of justice that has protected us from discovery and persecution. I disciplined and reorganized the confederate covens when they threatened to destroy our way of life. I purged the plague of the immortal children.

"Thousands bow before me and praise my name. Who do you think you are, Carlisle Cullen? I know what you are doing. I've know it for years! You are jealous of my power and dominion. You want it all for yourself. You are the one that planted the seeds for rebellion. You and all those that stand with you will pay for your sins this very night!"

Nessie nearly choked with fear, her trembling increased and she felt a familiar wave of tranquility wash over her. _Jasper. _It disapated before she had a chance to calm down. Nessie felt Alice's hand tremble and knowing that Alice was afraid, fueled her own terror.

Aro laughed with insane glee. "Ah Jasper my young gifted friend, did you think to change tonight's outcome with your weak attempts to control my _mood_?" He laughed again. "Your power is useless against me. However, I am feeling especially benevolent at the moment. Come join me, you and your lovely mate Alice, I will teach you to control and focus your gift so none can withstand you. I will make you my general. You were an officer of the confederacy were you not?" Aro's voice rose in excitement. "You can lead the red guard. Together we can squash this foolish rebellion and rebuild the Volturi dynasty."

"I'm sorry Aro, I must respectfully decline your offer. My and my mate's loyalties remain with Carlisle."

"FOOL! I hope you have already bidden your lovely wife adieu, for tonight you die!

"Are you completely mad, Aro? Are you blind?" Carlisle's voice rose in anger. "Do you really plan to fight eight experienced, fully mature vampires and four werewolves with this handful of half-human children and one grief-stricken widow?

Nessie wondered why Carlisle misrepresented their numbers. There were nine full vampires on their side, if you count Marcus, and five werewolves. Who wasn't fighting and why? Someone must be with Morgan and the children. That made sense, not so much to protect them from Aro, but to protect Morgan from Sophie and George. One of the adult vamps could easily handle that job. Nessie furtively sniffed the air and determined Leah and Esme were missing. Of course! Esme was the weakest of the vamps and would be more of a liability than an asset. Leah was pregnant. Jake would never allow her to fight and risk the life of her unborn child. _Jake! Oh no! _It didn't matter how unevenly the odds were stacked in their favor. As the Alpha, Jake would lead the attack. He would put himself in harms way to protect the rest of his pack—to protect her.

"I cannot fail! I have not failed in two thousand years! My loyal guard will fight to the death to protect me and our way of life!"

"What loyal guard Aro? You have no guard! You cannot win. We have no desire to fight or harm your children, but we will defend ourselves against all enemies. Let your children leave now. Do not sacrifice their lives to the god of your insane ego!" Carlisle sounded like he was trying to reason with a stubborn child.

"The Volturi guard are hidden in the jungle waiting for my signal to attack!" _What? The guard is here? _Nessie began to shake violently as images of red-eyed and dark cloaked monsters filled her mind.

"He's completely delusional Carlisle. The few that didn't die during the coup, deserted." Marcus raised his voice when he addressed Aro. "Do you have the power to bring our brothers back to life, Aro? Will they rise from their ashes like the phoenix? If you have this power, why do your enemies still live?" Marcus began to shout and Nessie wondered if he were losing his mind as well.

"Show yourselves my dear dead friends. Where are you Santiago? Why do you hide and cower in the jungle? Felix and Demetri, are you not our bravest warriors? Come, defend your master. Avenge yourself Caius. Tell us who ended your existence. Come forth and console your weeping widow. How can you bear to hear her lamentations and not offer her the solace of your embrace?"

"This is your last chance Carlisle. Give me Marcus and save your precious family."

"And if I refuse?" Carlisle's tone was defiant, something Nessie had never heard from him.

"Then we fight." All pretense of civility was gone from Aro's voice.

The jungle erupted into a cacophony of horrible noises. Screeching metal, tearing flesh, plaintive howls, and screams of agony pierced Nessie's ears like daggers into her brain. "Stay here." Alice hissed at her before darting into the fray. Nessie curled into a little ball and hugged her knees as terror consumed her. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, she couldn't think. _What's happening?_

The scent of wolf-blood mixed with hybrid brought her back to her senses. _Who is bleeding? Oh please God, don't let it be Jake! _The only blood that Nessie could have recognized was not part of the mix. _It's not Jake. Thank you, God._ Nessie was simultaneously relieved and ashamed for feeling relief. _Who is bleeding? Who is screaming? Who is being torn apart?_

Nessie couldn't remain in hiding while her family was fighting for their lives. She had to help them; she had to help Jake. The thought of Jake hurt and bleeding banished any thought of self-preservation. Nessie didn't have a plan or even an idea of what she could do, but she flew out of her hiding place with teeth bared and venom flowing.

~***~

**A/N I have decided to continue to show my appreciation for each review with a preview of the next chapter. I can only reply to signed reviews so keep that in mind, if you want a preview. **


	30. Lamentations

**A/N **

**There are some graphically violent scenes in this chapter so consider yourself warned.**

**I don't own anything. All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

~***~

"And now there was a great mourning and lamentation among all the people of Limhi, the widow mourning for her husband, the son and the daughter mourning for their father, and the brothers for their brethren." Mosiah 21:9

Chapter 30: Lamentations

_Previously:_

Nessie couldn't remain in hiding while her family was fighting for their lives. She had to help them; she had to help Jake. The thought of Jake hurt and bleeding banished any thought of self-preservation. Nessie didn't have a plan or even an idea of what she could do, but she flew out of her hiding place with teeth bared and venom flowing.

~***~

The scene that met her eyes would forever haunt her dreams. The battle seemed to be happening in slow motion. Embry's left shoulder was bleeding profusely and he was covered in blood. When he shook his head and tossed something pale white and pumping blood she nearly fainted. It was the severed torso of a hybrid. Carlisle ran toward Quil who was charging another of Aro's children. He darted in front of Quil just as he sprang at the girl, sacrificing himself to save her. Quil's claws raked across Carlisle's back exposing his ribs and spine. The horrible sound of Carlisle's agonized screams paralyzed Nessie.

Quil immediately phased to human, called for help, and cradled Carlisle's mangled body in his arms to protect him from further injury. The young hybrid girl took the opportunity to attack. She sank her teeth into the back of Quil's neck separating him from Carlisle, and pointed a sharp metallic object at his still writhing body. Nessie recognized the object as the same weapon Caius had used to murder Irina. She couldn't move fast enough to stop her. A white-hot blaze shot out of the girl's hand and Carlisle immediately burst into flames.

"NOOOOO!" Nessie screamed and launched herself at the girl who was attempting to decapitate Quil. She was quite a bit younger than Nessie; probably only thirteen or fourteen AA. It didn't matter how old she was. She had already killed Carlisle and was going to kill Quil. She didn't have a choice. Nessie grabbed her by the hair and sank her teeth into the girls shoulder snapping her collarbone. The girl screamed and let go of Quil. He did nothing to break his fall and landed face down on the ground. He didn't move at all and Nessie wasn't sure if he were even breathing. Nessie was so enraged she would have finished the girl off if Jake hadn't distracted her. She felt a whoosh of air as he flew over her head and lunged at Aro.

The ancient vampire was amazingly fast. He effortlessly darted out of Jake's path and laughed at him. Jake's claws dug huge furrows into the jungle floor as he abruptly changed directions. Aro's clawed hand barely swiped Jake's left haunch and flank, but it opened a huge gash. Jake dropped to the ground and howled in pain as Bella landed on Aro's back.

Nessie shoved the screaming girl away from her and ran to Jake's side. She pushed the gaping wound together hoping to slow the flow of arterial blood pumping profusely onto the ground. She was relieved when muscles and tendons began to knit together and the bleeding slowed to a trickle. Nessie's focus was completely on Jacob, she was unaware of the battle that continued to rage around her. She barely noticed the severed head that rolled into Jake's ribs. _Athenadora? _She didn't even look at it as she kicked it viciously away from him.

Nessie didn't want to let go of Jake's healing haunch but when she saw two hybrids charging them she crouched over his body and prepared to defend him with her life. She was shocked when the largest male stepped in front of his still charging sister and knocked her off her feet. Nessie thought the boy looked familiar but she knew there was no way that they had ever met. "NO Luca! You can not harm Renesmee. Aro is dead, the fight is over. Stand down!" _How did he know her name? Who was this hybrid son of Aro's and why did he defend her?_

_The fight is over?_ Nessie lifted her eyes and searched the carnage for her family and friends. They were all covered in blood, but it was the blood of the hybrid children. She took a quick silent inventory… Embry was almost healed and Seth was completely uninjured. Edward was leaning over Quil working on him, so at least he was alive. Nessie continued to search for her family. Alice was clinging to Jasper and shaking. They were okay. Bella, Emmett and Rosalie were on their knees around a smouldering pile of purple ashes… _No… Oh no… This can't be real. It can't be true. It had to be a mistake. Carlisle can not be dead._ _I can't deal with this right now. Maybe that's not Carlisle, maybe that's just Aro or Athenadora's ashes. Stay focused. Jake needs me._

Jake's bleeding had slowed considerably, but the wound was so long and deep that Nessie was afraid it wouldn't heal properly. She returned her hands to his hip and pushed the gaping wound together again. Jake raised his head and looked at her. His eyes were full of pain and he whined as he lowered his head back to the ground. "It's okay Jake. I know it hurts, but I can feel you healing under my hands."

Jake huffed at her as if to say he understood. At first she thought Jake was trembling because of all the pain. She was slow to recognize the shimmering magic when Jake returned to his human form. Her hands were still pressed into his hip when he changed and Nessie was pleased to see that he was no longer bleeding. The edges of the wound were almost sealed and his hip appeared normal. The boy that had protected them was staring at Jake with wide eyes and open mouth. Nessie looked up at him and without saying a word he reached over his shoulders and pulled his shirt off his back. He gently placed it over Jake's hips, draping Nessie's hands as well. She slipped her hands out from under the shirt and tucked it carefully around Jake, protecting his wound as well as his modesty.

"Thank you for the shirt… and uh… for saving our lives. Who are you?" Nessie wasn't sure she was even speaking out loud until the boy answered her.

"I am J1M12 named Alejandro by my father Joham. I am his first-born and only surviving child concieved in Volterra. This is F1F143 named Luca by her father Felix." The girl was obviously in shock. She sat motionless on the ground and stared blankly at her fallen siblings.

"Thank you Alejandro. I don't mean to sound rude, but why did you save us?"

"You and Bella are famous among our kind Renesmee. You are the only one with a living mother." The boy grinned at her. "Besides, you are betrothed to my brother Nahuel are you not?"

"She is NOT!" Jake growled as he ground his teeth together.

"No Alejandro, I am not. I am betrothed to Jacob. I don't really know Nahuel. I only met him once as a child and then again a few weeks ago." The boy's face lit up and he smiled eagerly. Apparently he wasn't too upset about not becoming her brother-in-law.

"Nahuel is here! Where is he?" Alejandro's smile faded as he looked around. "Was he injured in the fight?"

Jake groaned and sat up, holding the borrowed shirt in place. "I don't know where he is, but I'm sure it isn't anywhere within a thousand miles of here. He seemed to like Alaska, you might try looking there." Nessie shivered with disgust when she thought of the indecent things Nahuel had told her about his "lessons" with Tanya.

Seth tossed Jake a pair of cut-off sweats and Nessie averted her eyes to give him some privacy. Jake was standing beside her within seconds, all his weight on his right foot. His hip was obviously still painful. "Seth, help me get to Quil." Jake grimaced in pain as Seth ducked under his arm and supported his weight on his shoulder.

Nessie took Jake's free hand in hers and together they made their way to Quil and Edward. "How is he?" Jake's voice shook with trepidation.

Edward's voice was emotionless and clinical. "His wound is serious, but he will survive. The girl severed his spinal cord at the seventh cervical vertebrae, but she was not venomous, so if we let it heal on it's own, like Carlisle said… Oh god…" Edward bowed his head, clutched his hair and hid his face behind his forearms. Nessie dropped Jake's hand and sank to the ground beside her father. She wrapped her arms around him and rocked him as she sobbed.

Nessie noticed through her tears that Rose and Emmett were missing. They must have gone to be with the children and Morgan. Which meant that soon Esme would know…

"No! Let me go! I have to see him. Stop saying that! That's not true! It's a mistake. He'll be fine, I just have to see him. Stop it Jasper! Let me go!"

The night was pierced with a high-pitched and pitiful keening. _Esme. Oh poor Esme! What will she do? How will she survive this? How will any of us survive this?_

Nessie felt a large warm hand on her back rubbing soothing circles. She was still holding onto her father, when Alice led a stunned Bella to him. Jake pulled Nessie into his arms as Edward clutched Bella to his chest and added his tearless sobs to the grief-stricken wails of the Cullen Coven.

~***~

**A/N I know some of you (if not all) will be upset with me for allowing Carlisle to perish in this battle. I love Carlisle's character and it was a difficult decision to make. Good people die in wars and I couldn't imagine another battle where the entire Cullen Clan emerged unscathed. It is often the bravest and most self-sacrificing warriors that pay the ultimate price in real life, that is why I chose Carlisle to represent the fallen soldier.**

**I can only reply to signed reviews so keep that in mind, if you want a preview of the next chapter. **

Aro's "Army"

*Aro

*Athenadora (Caius' widow)

The Red Guard

*A1M98 Adamo: Aro's first child Age 6 (Earth Years) 18 (Actual Age)

*A2F107 Rao: Aro's second child Age 6 (Earth Years) 18 (Actual Age)

*A3M121 Emilio: Aro's third child Age 5 ½ (Earth Years) 16 (Actual Age)

*A4M139 No name: Aro's fourth child 4ge 4 (Earth Years) 13 (Actual Age)

*A5F162 No name: Aro's fifth child Age 4 (Earth Years) 13 (Actual Age)

*C3M133 Gaius: Caius' third child Age 5 (Earth Years) 14 (Actual Age)

F1F143 Luca: Felix's first child Age 6 (Earth Years) 18 (Actual Age)

J1M12 Alejandro: Joham's first child born in Volterra Age 7 (Earth Years) 21 (Actual Age)

*Perished in the battle


	31. No Choice

**A/N **

**There are some graphically violent descriptions of the battle in this chapter so if the last chapter bothered you, this one will too.**

**I have been experiencing technical difficulties (don't know if it's on my end or FFs, but I haven't been able to log in to my account or reply to reviews all day!) Hopefully everything is fixed now and I can get back on schedule.**

**I don't own anything. Except Luca, Alejandro and the rest of Aro's kids. All the other characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

**~***~**

Chapter 31: "No Choice"

**Jacob Black's point of view…**

Jasper and I assumed defensive positions on the pavilion floor to protect Nessie and Alice and to have a better vantage point of the battle if we had to fight. If listening to Aro's crazy rant about how he personally shaped the world the way he wanted it wasn't enough to convince everyone that a fight was inevitable—his accusation that Carlisle was plotting to overthrow him was.

My heart stopped when Aro announced he had an army hiding in the jungle. Marcus insisted Aro was lying, but how could we be sure?

When Jasper sent Blondie and Monkey Man to protect our rear, I knew he wasn't convinced either. I sent Seth to join them hoping he wouldn't have to fight at all. If he ends up hurting or killing one of these kids, he'll never recover.

It must have been a hard decision for Jasper to pull our biggest asset out of the coming battle to protect against an invisible and probably non-existent threat. Maybe Jasper's motives were the same as mine. After all, these kids were the brothers and sisters of Sophie and George… Crap! This is going to be hard… I'll bet Embry won't be able to fight either! Damn it to hell and back. I really hope Carlisle can talk his way out of this.

None of us wanted to fight children. Especially children that were half-human. Children that bleed, scream, and die. We didn't mind tearing into the cold rock hard flesh of vampires. Hell, we even enjoyed it. But this was different—horribly different. The feel of yielding flesh, snapping bone, and warm pulsing blood went against every instinct to protect. We were not created for this, but we didn't have a choice. It was kill or be killed—or worse, watch our loved ones die.

"This is your last chance Carlisle. Give me Marcus and save your precious family."

_Embry, Quil… get ready. Seth, hold your position._

"And if I refuse?"

_This is it guys. _

"_Jake, they're just kids…" _

"_Focus Embry. Don't you dare let anyone get close to the pavilion."_

"Then we fight!" There wasn't any visible signal... no battle cry or orders to attack. It was pure mayhem.

Two of the hybrids attacked Embry. He hesitated and they outmaneuvered him. The smallest boy—no more than thirteen or fourteen actual age—tore Em's shoulder wide open and Embry howled in pain but still refused to fight. I could hear him trying to figure out a way to hold his position without hurting those kids.

If they had been pure vampires, Embry would have destroyed them both without receiving so much as a scratch. I didn't need a mind link to hear Rose and Emmett trying to talk a couple of kids out of fighting. Seth's thoughts were so conflicted he was going to be worse than useless, more of a liability than an asset. I knew what I had to do.

_**Defend yourselves and each other. Show no mercy. **_As soon as I gave the Alpha command, the course of the battle changed.

Maybe that's why Carlisle jumped in front of Quil. I know he saw Embry tear that poor kid in half as soon as I gave the order. He probably thought we were bloodthirsty monsters that couldn't control ourselves. Embry didn't have a choice. None of them did.

It's not easy to direct a battle, even with the mind link of the pack. So much happens at the same time and each decision can mean the difference between life and death. I was completely focused on my job but that's no excuse for missing the moment when "Nessie the Warrior Princess" decided to leave her hiding place and join the battle.

Quil's mind was focused on the angry face of a very young female hybrid. I saw and felt everything Quil did. I felt his muscles bunch in preparation to leap and the wind ruffle his fur as he flew through the air. I saw Carlisle's horrified and determined face as he jumped in front of the girl. I felt Quil's claws rake across Carlisle's back as he tried to avoid landing on him. Quil's panic and remorse almost made me phase to human when he did. As Quil phased, we lost the mind link so I turned my head to see what was going on.

The girl sank her teeth into Quil's neck as she pulled him away from Carlisle and lit him on fire. I was horror-struck when I saw Nessie attack the girl. But nothing has ever terrified me more than when I saw Aro crouched and ready to attack my beloved Renesmee.

The rest of the battle disappeared from my mind, as protecting Nessie became my sole focus. I flew off the pavilion and with one bound; I was sailing over Nessie's head intent on sinking my teeth into Aro's neck. I've never seen anything move as fast as that filthy bloodsucker. He dodged me completely and I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop him. My heart sank as I dug my claws into the ground trying to intercept him before he got to Nessie. He spun around and grinned at me as he laid my entire hip and flank open with a single swipe of his clawed hand. I felt severed tendons and muscles recede into opposing sides of the gaping wound before pain overrode all other sensations. I howled in agony as I lost control of the left side of my body and hit the ground hard.

It seemed my bumbling attempt to attack Aro distracted him just enough for Bella to take him by surprise. She seemed to come out of nowhere when she landed on Aro's back. Jasper was there in a flash and together they ripped Aro to shreds. I felt myself getting weaker when I should have been healing. I have no idea if it's possible to bleed out faster than our bodies can heal but I was certain that's what was happening. I didn't care. In fact, I was elated. I would sacrifice my life a thousand times to save Nessie. I could die happy knowing she was safe.

I just wanted to see her one more time. I could barely lift my head but I managed to find her. Her teeth were still imbedded in the girl's shoulder when we locked eyes. I saw the raging anger that distorted her face morph to fear. Her focus changed in an instant. The blood lust of battle disappeared as she threw the girl into Alice's path and ran to my side. Her strength astonished me as she pushed my torn flank back together. I must have been in shock or maybe the neural pathways were disrupted because I didn't feel anything until she let go.

When the wound tried to separate again, it hurt so bad I nearly passed out. I had no idea why she removed her hands until I noticed that Nessie was crouched over me in a defensive pose. I heard pounding feet coming our direction and all I could think was, _"Oh no, I can't protect her." _Seth and Embry were still fighting their own battles. Bella, Jasper and Alice were still unavailable as well. Rose, Emmett, and Seth were too far away. Edward was focusing on Quil's injury and didn't hear my mental plea for help. I had no idea where Marcus was.

We were on our own. I tried to get up, but my body wasn't cooperating. The necessary muscles and tendons weren't all connected yet. I tried to phase so I could order Nessie to take cover—not that she would have obeyed—stubborn woman. My instincts wouldn't allow me to phase with a threat so near.

I thrashed around, trying to get my claws between Nessie and the attacking hybrids. At the last second, the male tackled the female and ordered her to stand down. Nessie pushed my wound together again and this time pain shot down my leg from my spine to my toes. I assumed that was a good sign.

I was finally able to phase to human. Nessie didn't seem to mind too much when her hands were suddenly squeezing my very human and very naked rear end instead of my furry wolf butt. My transformation surprised the boy that saved us. He recovered quickly and I'll be damned if the kid didn't give me the shirt off his back to cover my naked ass.

He identified himself and the girl with some sort of alphanumerical designation that made no sense followed by their names—Alejandro and Luca. He proudly proclaimed that Joham was his daddy, and the girl was Felix's spawn. Like I actually gave a damn. My gratitude for saving Nessie is the only thing that kept me from ripping his head off when he claimed she was 'betrothed' to his brother Nahuel.

It didn't seem to bother the kid too much when Nessie and I set him straight. It actually gave me a little thrill when Nessie said, "I am betrothed to Jacob." As soon as I felt my gluteus medius tendon reconnect, I sat up. It still hurt like hell but I needed to go check on Quil.

Seth appeared out of nowhere and tossed me a pair of cutoffs. Nessie looked away as if she hadn't already seen all there was to see of me—although I did catch Luca checking me out, the little perv. I yanked on the shorts and stood up. I still couldn't put any weight on my left leg, but Seth and Nessie helped me hobble over to Quil.

It was even worse than I thought. Edward was poking Quil's feet and hands but it was obvious he was paralyzed from the neck down.

"How is he?" Edward may have been in shock from losing Carlisle, but he was still able to offer his medical opinion.

"His wound is serious, but he will survive. The girl severed his spinal cord at the seventh cervical vertebrae, but she was not venomous, so if we let it heal on its own, like Carlisle said…" And then he lost it. Nessie dropped my hand and embraced Edward; rocking him as if she was the parent instead of the other way around.

Nessie was still comforting Edward when someone must have informed Esme of Carlisle's death. It was horrible. It was worse than horrible. She was crying and yelling at Jasper to let her go, she was in complete denial. It him me then that I had come too damn close to losing Nessie.

I suddenly needed her in my arms. When I saw Alice leading Bella to Edward, I started to rub Nessie's back hoping she would just let go and let me hold her. As soon as Edward reached for Bella, Nessie released him and grabbed me around the waist. I never wanted to let her go. I just held her next to me and tried to block out the sound of Esme's screams.

When Jasper left with Seth to do a quick recon around our perimeter, I realized how much he had been supporting all of us. Everyone's emotional health took a hit when he left. The feel of Nessie's shivering body pressed into my chest was the only thing keeping me sane. I had to be strong for her.

I knelt down to check on Quil's progress, but I couldn't bear to let go of Nessie. I rubbed her back while I talked to Quil. He was still in rough shape although the wound seemed to be healing. I could tell that the physical pain was nothing compared to the anguish he felt from accidentally wounding Carlisle.

Nessie was way ahead of me. She knew what Quil needed. When she wiped his tears, kissed the side of his head, and told him to go ahead and cry--my own eyes overflowed. I wasn't sure my heart could expand sufficiently to accommodate the increased love I felt for her.

When Quil started apologizing for hurting Carlisle, I tried to convince him he was only doing his duty.

"It's not your fault Quil. You were only doing your job. You did good. Nessie's safe because of you." As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

"You were trying to protect me?" Nessie blanched a couple of shades paler than what I thought was possible. I knew she was already blaming herself. "If I had stayed hidden like I was supposed to, maybe Carlisle would still…"

"Stop it Nessie. Right now." I wanted to kick myself. I settled for trying to convince Nessie of who was really at fault. "Carlisle and all these kids are dead because of Aro. The blame for this bloodshed belongs solely to that monster—may he burn in hell. I don't want either of you to assume any blame for Carlisle's loss."

She didn't believe me. I'm not even sure she heard me. She was shutting down fast and I had to do something before she went into shock. Jasper and Seth returned about that time and Jasper said something about needing some help taking care of the carnage. It was my duty as Alpha to help him, but Nessie was my highest priority.

"I'm going to make sure Nessie gets a shower and put her to bed. I'll meet you back here in about an hour okay?"

He agreed so I tried to lead Nessie towards the bathhouse. "Nessie Sweetheart, you need a shower. Come with me… okay?" She didn't move or even acknowledge that she heard me. Was she already in shock? I pulled back to get a better look at her face and she just whimpered and lifted both arms as if she wanted me to pick her up. So I did. I slid my hands under her arms and lifted her like a toddler. She wrapped her arms and legs around me so tightly that if I were human it would have crushed me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her head close to my heart as I carried her to the bathhouse.

I looked around for Alice or Bella to help Nessie in the shower but they both had their hands full with Esme and Edward. Edward had been with Carlisle the longest and except for Esme, he was taking it the hardest. I guess Blondie and Leah were still back at the tree house with the kids so they weren't available either. There just wasn't any female on hand except for the hybrid Luca and I sure as hell didn't trust her with Nessie.

I finally decided I was being ridiculous. Nessie and I are engaged for Pete's sake and she needed to be taken care of. I carried her into the shower, adjusted the water until it was nice and hot and tried to set her down. She refused to let go so I just ducked under the spray with her. After about ten minutes under the hot water, she began to relax. She finally loosened her grip and I was able to pull her off me. She stood up without help, but didn't seem interested in doing anything else. I tried to get her to wash herself. She wouldn't even hold the soap. As soon as I handed it to her, she let it drop to the floor.

I decided against taking her dress off. If she had been wearing a bra, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. I've seen Nessie in just a bra more than once. Twice to be exact, but who's counting. I didn't want to do anything that would embarrass her later so I just lathered her up, dress and all.

I started with her arms and it brought back the memory of how we bathed each other in the jungle after she bit me. I think that's what gave me the confidence to do what she needed me to do—because this was so different. This was a pure act of service, and while it _was_ an act of love, it _was not_ sensual or erotic.

I talked to her the entire time and told her what I was going to do before I did it—just like I would if I were treating an accident victim. I guess the EMT training was kicking in. Thinking of EMT training made me think of Carlisle. My mind flashed back to the way he made learning all the technical stuff fascinating instead of tedious. I didn't realize until tonight that I actually loved that man like a father. Every foul word I knew went through my mind when I realized I would never get to tell him what he meant to me.

I was in serious danger of losing it, so I grabbed Nessie and held her close to me until I calmed down.

I was kind of glad that Nessie wasn't aware of everything when I saw the mixture of water, soap, and blood circling the drain. The sight of blood doesn't bother Nessie (unless she's thirsty) but knowing it was the blood of other hybrids might. When it finally ran clear, I turned off the water and toweled her off. It didn't do much good since her dress was so wet.

She was starting to look a little better; she had a nice pink glow to her skin—probably from the hot water. I sat her on the bench in the dressing room, found some of my clean clothes in the closet and handed her an old "Three Dog Night" t-shirt. Edward said they were a band popular in the seventies that Emmett and Rose liked. It was supposed to be a "gag gift" from Blondie but the joke was on Rose. Nessie and I both loved that shirt. "I want you to put the shirt on okay Nessie?"

"Kay" I was so relieved when she answered me.

"Will you be okay while I take a quick shower?" I cupped her chin and made her look at me. Her eyes were still sort of unfocused, but she nodded her head.

I lathered up and scrubbed my skin until it was raw but I still felt dirty. I didn't personally fight any of the hybrid children, but their blood was on my hands. I saw the reluctance and uncertainty in my brother's minds and knew they would have died rather than attack those kids. I was the one that commanded them to kill. I was the monster, but I would do it again. I would do anything to protect Nessie, even if it meant I lost my soul in the process.

I dried off and came out of the shower in nothing but a towel. Nessie was staring off into space but she had the t-shirt on. Unfortunately, she also had her wet dress on under it. I pulled on a pair of sweats and then pulled Nessie to her feet.

"Nessie Sweetheart, you still have your dress on. It's wet. Can you take it off?" She just stood there so I reached under her shirt and unzipped her dress. It was strapless so it slid to the floor with ease. I knew her panties were still wet from the shower, but that was one line I was not going to cross.

I carried her back to the tree house and when I shifted her around to my back, she immediately locked her arms and legs around me so it was easy to get her to her room. It was not easy to get her into her own bed. She did not want to let go of me but I had promised Jasper I would help.

This was going to be hard. Building bon-fires out of the remains of evil red-eyed vampires was a post-battle celebration the entire pack enjoyed. Dealing with the aftermath of this battle was going to be heart wrenchingly horrendous. Some of those kids didn't even look like they had reached puberty yet. It made me sick to think about it.

I carried Nessie to my own room and stretched out on the bed beside her. She snuggled into my pillow and took a deep breath. I brushed her mouth gently with my own and waited a few minutes after getting out of bed to be sure she would stay asleep, then reluctantly returned to the site of the battle to fulfill my duty.

Most of the remains were already covered with towels and sheets. Jasper was talking to Luca and since he had his hand on her shoulder, I'm sure he was zapping her with some kind of mood control. It looked like Alejandro was identifying the bodies for Emmett. What a horrible job for that poor kid. When he leaned over and kissed the brow of what appeared to be the youngest girl, I had to turn my back and wipe the tears off my face. I've never hated anyone as much as I hated Aro at that moment. There has to be a special place in Hell reserved for monsters like him that use children as weapons.

I grabbed a sheet from the pile on the ground and covered the last body. "Jasper, Emmett, I'm sorry I'm late. Nessie was having a hard time and I had to wait for her to fall asleep."

"It's okay Jake, thanks for joining us. I know how hard it is for you to be away from her when she's upset." I guess if anyone could understand what I was feeling; it would be Jasper.

"What happened here tonight was a monumental tragedy. I don't have words to express the depth of my sorrow. We will have a proper Memorial service for Carlisle and these children when we return to our home in Forks. Emmett has already gathered Carlisle's ashes as well as Aro's and Athenadora's."

I was instantly angry to think that Aro's ashes had been "gathered"… Unless they were gathered into a pile, so those of us with functioning bladders could piss on them. I felt a wave of something that felt suspiciously like sympathy and shot what was supposed to be a warning glare at Jasper. He nodded toward Alejandro and Luca. Luca had her face buried in Alejandro's shoulder and was sobbing silently. _Crap! _ I did not want to feel even a molecule of regret for Aro's death. He was a monster and deserved much worse than mere extermination, but this kid thought of him as her father. No matter how much I hated Aro, I couldn't disrespect him in front of her.

"Alejandro would like to say a few words about his fallen brothers and sisters before we… uh…take care of their remains." Jasper looked worse than exhausted. It was rare for me to feel sorry for Jasper, but he had my full sympathy tonight. Not only did he have to suppress his own grief, he was expending a tremendous amount of emotional energy as he helped and supported the rest of us.

Alejandro spoke with quiet dignity and I was impressed with the maturity of this kid. "I know that you see my brothers and sisters as fallen enemies and even though they died at your hands, I hold no malice toward any of you. All I ask is that you let me tell you who they were.

"The youngest was Aro's daughter, A5F162…"

"What was her name? You are completely disrespecting her using that file name or whatever it is." I had to agree with Emmett. It was weird as well as cold and heartless.

"None of us received our names until we passed the fifth anniversary of our escape from the womb. The 'file number' identifies our father, birth order, and human mother." Alejandro twisted his shoulder forward and pointed to the faint tattoo. J identifies my father Joham, the number one means I was his first born, M indicates my gender, and the number twelve identifies my mother as the twelfth woman used in the 'Progeny Project'."

"You referred to the girl as A5F162; does that mean her mother was the one-hundred sixty-second to be _used_?" Edward sounded almost as angry as I felt. That Aro was one sick bastard.

"Yes. The mortality rate was very high for the human women." Yeah, I'll bet it was. Especially if you include the post-partum mortality rate of one hundred percent.

"Anyway, A5F162 was Aro's fifth child to survive birth. She was high spirited, eager to please, brave and impulsive. Even though we did not share the same father, she was as much of a sister to me as any of Joham's daughters." He didn't even try to hide his tears this time.

"A4M139 was Aro's fourth surviving child and he was generous and trusting to a fault. He adored his older brother Emilio and was willing to follow him anywhere, including into battle.

"Gaius was the third child sired by Caius. He was passionate and easy to anger, much like his father. He was loyal to Aro and believed his lies that Marcus killed Caius. His greatest motivation was revenge. His redeeming quality was his honor. He refused to force himself on the mate Aro chose when she proved unwilling.

"Emilio was Aro's third child and he was somewhat of a prankster. Even Aro was not safe from his jokes and tricks. He was Aro's favorite son, which is the only reason he was never punished for disrespectful behavior. He loved to laugh and was a source of great entertainment to us all. He was my friend." Alejandro cleared his throat and swallowed loudly before he could speak.

"Rao was Aro's second child and she was a compassionate woman as well as a fierce warrior. Aro demanded that she mate with Gaius but she refused even after he beat her unmercifully. If Aro had beat Gaius instead, I am certain she would have submitted to protect Gaius.

"Adamo was Aro's first born child. He was very much like his father. Sly, calculating and deceitful. He would rather lie than tell the truth even when the truth would have served him better. He was Luca's mate…" Alejandro couldn't say anything else. Luca cringed against him and he held her closer. I didn't think either of them were going to mention any "redeeming qualities" of that particular kid. I'm willing to bet he didn't refuse to force himself on his unwilling partner.

No one said a word for a full five minutes. Finally, Jasper sent out a wave of calm. It wasn't as strong as usual and I guessed he was all but spent. "Thank you Alejandro, if you and Luca would like to shower Alice will bring you both some clean clothes. We will finish up here and then show you where you may sleep tonight."

Alejandro lifted his chin and refused to leave. He placed Luca's hand in Alice's and waited until they disappeared into the bath house before he pulled the small but powerful Volturi torch out of his pocket and performed his final duty to his fallen brothers and sisters.

~***~

**A/N I will send you a preview of the next chapter for reviewing this one… Thanks for all the support, these last couple of chapters have taken a lot out of me and your reviews help keep me motivated.**


	32. One Day at a Time

**A/N Minor edit on August 17, 2009 Still needs work. **

**~***~**

Chapter 32: One Day at a Time

"Nessie Sweetheart, wake up." Jake's hot breath on her cheek woke her before she heard his words. She felt disoriented at first but immediately recognized Jake's room when she opened her eyes. She was wearing one of Jake's t-shirts and… nothing else. _What the hell? _She scrambled away from Jake and slid out of bed. A furtive glance revealed that he was at least wearing a pair of cutoffs. _What happened? _

_Hiding… Fighting… Carlisle burning… Jake bleeding… _She sank to the floor in tears as she remembered. Jake immediately scooped her up and climbed back into bed with her in his arms.

"Oh Jake, please tell me it was a nightmare…"

"I'm so sorry Nessie." Jake's voice was heavy and tired, but his arms were strong and warm. He held her in the safe harbor of his embrace and let her cry until she couldn't cry anymore.

"Jake, why did I wake up in your bed? I mean, it's okay and everything but I don't remember how I got here and um… how I got out of my dress…"

"You don't remember anything?" Jake sounded worried. He gently brushed his fingers across her forehead and tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

"I remember the fight and… Carlisle…" She bit her lip and choked back a sob. "I remember Quil was hurt and I attacked a girl… and she… she… What happened to her?"

"Alice finished her off. Listen Nessie, we are going to have a full debriefing soon so try not to think about it until then." Jake's russet brown face had acquired a grayish cast and Nessie realized he was just as traumatized as she was.

"Sure, sure. Are you okay Jake? That was a nasty wound Aro gave you." Nessie sat up and examined Jake's torso. She saw a wide puckered scar that started a few inches below his ribs and ran down his side until it disappeared beneath the waistband of his pants. She frowned and traced the line gently with her fingertips.

Jake grabbed her wrist before she could slip his waistband any lower. "I'm fine; the scar will be completely gone in a few days."

"Jacob, I already saw your bare butt yesterday, and while it is a butt to be proud of, I only want to be sure you are healing properly."

Jake rolled his eyes, blushed and pulled his pants down revealing as little of his hip as possible. Nessie frowned when she noticed that the deepest part of the wound was not completely sealed. "Jake, why didn't you tell me? This needs to be bandaged!"

"It's fine." Jake growled and pulled his pants up.

"Okay Mr. Black 'it's only a flesh wound' tough guy—I'll let you pretend it's 'fine' if you let me bandage it."

"Geeze Nessie. I don't need a bandage…" Nessie narrowed her eyes and glared at him. "Okay, fine. My emergency kit is in the closet." She heard Jake grumbling under his breath about letting her play Doctor but she just ignored him.

After she cleaned and bandaged Jake's hip, Nessie cupped his face with her palm and let her concern and love flow freely. "Now that the visible wound has been taken care of; what can I do to help heal your heart?" Jake closed his eyes and a single tear trailed down his cheek. Nessie wiped it away with her thumb and then kissed him softly. She instinctively knew that Jake was hiding something from her. He seemed to be weighed down by more than just grief. "Jacob, tell me what's bothering you. Let me help you."

"You're already helping me. Just being here next to you, touching you, feeling your hands on my face as you share your gift and your love… that's all I need. That's all I'll ever need." Nessie didn't want to force Jake to talk about it if he wasn't ready, so she changed the subject.

"So, are you going to tell me how I wound up in your bed and wearing your shirt?"

"Sure, sure. Well, we both needed a shower and since your mom and aunts weren't available to help… I just took you into the shower with me and washed us both off." Jake had closed his eyes and the way he mentioned so nonchalantly that they showered together shocked her.

"I can't believe I don't remember that!" Nessie felt her face flush with heat. Jake opened his eyes and smiled when he noticed her blush.

"It's okay, Nessie. We kept all our clothes on."

Nessie tugged at the t-shirt she was wearing and demanded, "Jake! How did I wind up in this shirt?"

"Oh that. Well… I had a couple of clean shirts in the dressing room so I gave you one and told you to put it on."

"Oh, okay." Nessie felt much better about the entire situation. "Why didn't you just tell me I dressed myself?"

"Well… you didn't bother to take your wet dress off first…" Jake smiled and Nessie groaned. "It wasn't a big deal, Nessie. I just lifted the shirt in the back and as I unzipped your dress; I lowered the shirt so I didn't see anything at all. Since it was a strapless dress it came off easy enough."

Nessie felt a sudden rush of love for Jake as she began to remember his tender and chaste assistance. She placed both her palms on Jake's cheek and projected the vague and fleeting images from last night that danced across her mind. She also shared her feelings of gratitude and devotion. _"You are my hero, Jacob Black."_

Jake shook his head and tried to pull away. "I'm no hero, Nessie." She refused to let him escape and flooded his mind with numerous examples of his heroic character. He stared adoringly into her eyes when she broke the connection and whispered "Thank you," before he kissed both of her palms.

Nessie slid her hands around Jake's waist and pressed the full length of her body against his. She could feel the contours of his pectoral and abdominal muscles as if there were nothing between them at all. Jake trembled against her and she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning when he ran his hands lightly down the side of her body.

It was obvious he was only trying to protect her modesty as he smoothed and tugged her shirt so it covered more of her thighs. The effect of Jake's hands sliding over her skin with nothing but a thin layer of worn cotton between them…? Not modest at all.

Nessie lifted her chin, clearly begging him to kiss her; Jake rolled away from her and got out of bed. He leaned over, brushed his lips against hers and planted a quick kiss on her pouting mouth to diminish his clear rejection of her advances.

Nessie felt embarrassed for throwing herself at Jake. What sort of person wants to make-out with their boyfriend… or even fiancé… the day after their grandfather is murdered. She couldn't help but wonder if Jake was ashamed of her. As if he read her mind, Jake gave her a reassuring smile and patted her butt. "You need to go get dressed. The vamps spent the night packing and securing the compound. We're leaving in a few hours."

~***~

"Jake, I'm scared. I don't think I can do this." The chauffeur waited patiently while Nessie hyperventilated on the curb. "It's okay Nessie. It's just a short ride to the hotel. You can do it, baby."

"Jake. I'm telling you I CAN NOT DO THIS! I'm too thirsty!" She didn't mean to yell at him, but she was losing control. There were so many humans milling around her. Jake managed to keep most of them away just by sheer intimidation, but the smell of all that warm pulsing blood… so close… so appealing… She didn't understand why she was so thirsty all of a sudden. They had all gone hunting before they left. She had even bagged a large cat so that should have satisfied her for days.

"Nessie Baby, we can't stay here. We have to get to the hotel. It's too far to walk, and too public to run. What do you want me to do? How can I help you?" Jake was starting to sound a little panicky as well and that only increased her anxiety.

Jake pulled a wad of money out of his wallet and tossed it into the front seat of the limo. "My wife is… uh… having a panic attack and I'm going to have to hold her down while you drive like hell to the hotel. Are you okay with that?" Even in the middle of a severe case of blood lust, Nessie felt a thrill of pleasure when Jake referred to her as his "wife." When Jasper created documents for Marcus, Morgan, and the baby, he made a new set for Nessie as well and listed her as married to Jacob Black.

"Si Senor. No problem." The driver just smiled and nodded.

"Nessie honey. I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to do." Faster than was humanly possible Jake picked her up and tossed her into the back seat of the limo across from Luca and Alejandro. He immediately slid in beside her, slammed the door and growled at the driver. "Get us out of here. Now."

Nessie couldn't stand to breathe, but she was half-human and needed air to survive. The scent of the man's blood in the close confines of the limo made her throat burn worse than it ever had. She had to get OUT! Or give in… "Hold me Jake! PLEASE! I'm going to lose it!" Nessie started to whimper and cry.

"I've got you Nessie. It's okay." He was whispering so quietly into her ear that she knew the human would not be able to hear what he said next, "You can drink from me Nessie, just try not to get any venom into my blood stream. Okay?" Jake pushed his wrist against her mouth and it took all of Nessie's self-control not to bite down. Venom pooled in her mouth and she focused on how much she loved Jake and thought about how sick he was after she drank from him the last time. She remembered her promise to God, and wondered if she broke that promise… would He take Jacob away from her?

Nessie jerked her head away from Jake's arm. "NO! Stop it Jake! I won't do that!" Nessie didn't care if the driver could hear her or not.

"If she doesn't want to, can I?" Luca's indecent request sent Nessie over the edge and if Jake weren't so strong, she would have escaped his arms and ripped the girl's throat out right there in the back of the limo. Instead, she hyperventilated until she passed out.

She was vaguely aware of Jake pulling her out of the Limo and carrying her swiftly through the hotel lobby. More mouthwatering scents swirled around her but they weren't as intense. Nessie was able to sink into a deep meditative trance as soon as she realized what was happening. She knew it wouldn't work unless she caught it before the frenzy started.

Jake was already carrying her, so she used that as the focus for her trance… _Jake's arms cradling her against his chest… Jake's heart beating steady and strong against her cheek… Jake carrying her across a deserted rock strewn beach… dark, moonless night… Jake's eyes glittering with reflected starlight… cool ocean breeze caressing her face… large warm hands on her body… Jake…_

When she came out of her trance, she was lying on a huge bed and Jake was kneeling on the floor bathing her face with a cool wet cloth.

"Jake? What happened?"

"You had a severe episode of blood-lust Sweetheart, but you're okay now." He pushed her damp curls off her forehead, smiled his sexy crooked grin, and kissed her brow. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. I guess so." Nessie's eyes filled with tears. "How am I ever going to make it all the way to La Push if I get consumed with bloodlust every time I'm around a human?"

"You aren't used to crowds, Nessie. You do fine around Morgan. We will work on your control gradually once we get to La Push. In the mean time, there's bound to be a blood bank or hospital nearby, we'll have to ask Carl… _Edward_ if he thinks he can get some donated blood for you." Jake sighed and kissed her again as he whispered. "I'm so sorry Nessie. I still can't believe he's really gone."

"Hold me Jake." Nessie opened her arms and fully expected Jake to crawl into bed with her, but instead he reached into his rear pocket, pulled out his wallet and tossed a few bills across the room. Nessie rolled over and was startled to see Luca and Alejandro sitting on another huge bed, staring at her.

"Why don't you two go find something to eat… and by that I mean _solid_ food. Do you kids know how to function in a city?"

"We weren't raised like wild animals in the jungle. Of course we can function in a city!" Luca definitely had an attitude and Nessie didn't miss the fact that she had just insulted her.

"Watch your mouth Luca." Jake growled at her as Alejandro grabbed Luca's hand and pulled her to the door.

"How long do you want us to stay away? Will an hour be long enough to… comfort her?" Alejandro smiled shyly at Nessie.

"I'll take the 'Do Not Disturb' sign off the door when I'm ready to let you back in… and wipe that smirk off your face."

Alejandro's smile disappeared as he swallowed loudly and pushed Luca out the door.

Jake stood up and tapped lightly on the wall. "Quil, you and Seth follow Alejandro and Luca. Make sure they don't hurt anyone."

"Got it." Nessie heard Quil's muted answer from the other side of the wall and the quiet thud of a closing door. Privacy was going to be an issue.

"Who's on the other side of us?"

"No one, we have the room at the end of the hall. Why?"

Nessie just shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, I guess I was just hoping it wasn't Leah and Embry." Jake smiled. Sophie is staying with them so I don't think _that_ is going to be a problem.

Jake climbed onto the bed and rolled onto his side facing her. He lovingly caressed her cheek and jaw with his fingertips then slid his hand onto her back and pulled her a little closer. She rested the open palm of one hand on his chest and wove the fingers of her other hand through his hair.

"Jake, what are we going to do without Carlisle?" Nessie felt her eyes tear up but her voice was steady.

"Well, at first we will just have to take things one day at time—like we are right now. We just focus on what needs to be done, and then we do it." Jake continued to stroke her face, neck and arm as his deep, quiet voice relaxed her.

"I was fairly young when my mom died, but I remember what it was like. We were all sad for a very long time. The hardest part was missing all the little things she did. For instance, she used to tell me a different story every night at bedtime. I'm sure she made them up on the spot, but I thought they were wonderful." Jake smiled and chuckled quietly. "They were always about a very brave and kind little boy named Jacob. After the story she would sing the same Quileute lullaby over and over till I fell asleep." Jake's smile faded and he drew his eyebrows together.

"I knew she was dead. I remember how final it felt when they lowered her casket into the ground. Billy told me she wasn't ever coming back, but I still couldn't believe it… Not completely anyway.

Mom used to drag the girls and me to church with her every weekend. The Sunday before the accident, my Sunday school teacher taught us about how Jesus died and was resurrected three days after they put him in the tomb. I prayed so hard every night that Mom would be resurrected too. I stayed awake all night on the third night waiting for her to come tell me my story and sing me to sleep.

"Once I figured out that she wasn't ever coming home, nothing could comfort me. I cried myself to sleep every night. Billy tried, but he only made it worse. He didn't make up stories about a brave little boy named Jacob. He just told me the scary stories that turned out to be true."

"I'm sorry Nessie, I don't know why I'm telling you all this. You need to be comforted and all I do is drag up my own old memories."

"Don't be sorry Jake, it helps. I think knowing that you managed to be happy again after such a tragic loss helps me believe that I will be too. I wish I could have known your mother. She sounds like a wonderful person."

"She was, and I know she would absolutely adore you."

"Jake? Could you tell me a story?" Nessie blushed and bit her lip. What a childish request. Jake didn't laugh at her, in fact his face lit up and he smiled.

"Well, I could try… Let me think a minute… Okay… Once upon a time, there was a very beautiful and brave young woman named Nessie. She was very special and everyone loved her because she was so kind and generous to all the people she knew. She was also kind and loving to all the little animals in the forest… Oh wait, she was kind and loving to all the little animals that didn't taste good." Nessie giggled and swatted Jake's chest.

Jake laughed too and kissed her nose. "That's how we do it Nessie. You laughed, only for a second, but you still laughed. That may be the only time you laugh today, but that's okay. Even if you do nothing but cry for the rest of today, at least you had a moment of happiness. Tomorrow you might laugh twice as much. Then one day you realize that the laughter happens more often than the tears and your memories of Carlisle bring you joy instead of grief. That's how we do it."

Nessie's eyes filled with tears. "It just hurts so much, Jake." He kissed the tears from her eyes and said, "I know baby, I know. I wish I could make it better."

"You do make it better, Jake. Just being here with you and touching you and listening to you talk—all that makes it so much better. Can you tell me some more of the story?"

"Okay... Let's see… One day Nessie heard a beautiful and strange song in the forest so she went to investigate. She walked and walked but couldn't find where the music was coming from. She walked all day and all night following the sound. The next day she realized that she was lost, but because she was so brave, she didn't cry. She remembered that if you got lost you were supposed to sit and wait for someone to find you so that is what she did."

Nessie waited for Jake to continue, but when he didn't, she gave his shoulder a little shove. "Jacob Black you cannot end a story like that!"

"Sure I can. It's my story and I can end it any way I want. I kind of like the idea of an 'obedient Nessie' that does what she's supposed to do in a dangerous situation." He furrowed his brow and frowned for a moment. "That reminds me, we need to talk about how you disobeyed…"

"Not now Jacob." Nessie growled through tightly clenched teeth and closed her eyes. She did not want to think about the fight. Jake kissed her eyelids then the tip of her nose.

"Okay Sweetheart, it can wait." Jake's voice was gentle but she knew he wouldn't forget about how she disobeyed orders to stay hidden. She was going to have to face his wrath eventually."

"So anyway…" Jake kissed her furrowed brow and continued the story… "Nessie was sitting in the forest waiting for someone to find her when a huge wolf came and sat down in front of her. Nessie was so brave she didn't cry or run away. She talked to the wolf and said, 'Mr. Wolf I am lost in the forest. I heard some beautiful music and tried to find it, but now I am lost and I just want to go home'." Nessie giggled at Jake's imitation of a female voice. _That's twice Jake's made me laugh in the last five minutes._

"If you make fun of me, I'm not going to finish the story." Jake actually pushed his lower lip out into a very sexy pout.

Nessie leaned into him and bit his lip very carefully as she murmured, "Finish the story, or lose your lip."

"Um… it's kind of hard to talk when you are biting my lip." At least that's what she thought he said. It sounded more like, "Itskindubhardtotalkwhenyouarebitingmywip."

Nessie laughed again, released his lip, kissed him quickly and said, "Please continue the story."

"Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?" Jake frowned and pretended to be annoyed.

"You were about to tell me how a talking wolf was going to rescue stupid obedient Nessie who couldn't follow her own scent trail back home."

"Oh yeah, that's right… It seems this was a special wolf and just like magic he changed into a very brave and kind man named Jacob and said 'I can follow your scent trail and lead you home.' And so he did. The end.

"Seriously Jake? Obedient Nessie would never follow a strange man—especially not a naked one."

"Who said he was naked?" Jake laughed out loud, and Nessie giggled again. _I've lost count of how many times I've laughed. Maybe, with Jacob's help, I can get through this._

"Well, he phased from a wolf into a human right in front of her, so even if he had a pair of shorts tied around his ankle—which you failed to mention, so that means he didn't—he would have been naked when he phased in front of her."

"So you think Nessie would have remained lost in the forest rather than follow a very handsome—even when naked—man back to her home?"

"Oh, so the man was very handsome? You didn't mention that. Well in that case of course she followed him home." Nessie frowned. "Jake, when we get 'home' are you going to stay in La Push?"

"Of course, Nessie. That's where I live." Her eyes filled with tears again and this time they spilled down her face faster than Jake could wipe them away.

"Oh Honey, what's wrong? Don't cry." Jake pulled her on top of his chest as he rolled onto his back, but quickly maneuvered her to his side, tucking her under his arm. When she started to slide her leg across his thigh, he bent his knee, which blocked that particular attempt to get closer. _What the hell is going on? Why won't he let me cuddle up?_ Nessie sighed and pushed Jake's hot arm off her shoulder. She flopped dramatically onto her back and pouted.

"I don't want you to stay in La Push when I have to stay at the cottage. I know it's silly, but I got used to having you just three branches away. I won't be able to see you when ever I want."

Jake ignored her petulance and picked up her hand. He kissed each knuckle then unfurled her fingers one by one until her hand was open. He kissed her palm, pulled her back onto her side and placed her hand over his heart. It was hard to stay mad at him when he was being so sweet.

"I'll be at your house or you'll be at mine almost all the time. We just won't be able to spend the nights together."

"But the nights are the hardest time for me." Nessie knew she was whining, but couldn't seem to stop herself. "Everyone else has someone to hold on to all night long, but I'll be alone." Nessie felt hot tears spill over her cheeks. "I don't want to be alone Jake!"

Jake wiped her tears away with his thumb. "You used to sleep alone all the time, Baby."

"I know Jake, but you were always near by. I could hear you snoring from my room even with both our doors shut. How am I supposed to sleep if I can't hear you snore?"

"Shush… Nessie Baby. It's okay, we'll figure something out." Jake rubbed her arm soothingly up and down with slow gentle strokes, but when Nessie tried to snuggle closer, Jake scooted back. "Remember how you used to meditate to sneak out at night? Maybe we can do something like that again."

Jake smiled mischievously. "I could just crawl in your window every night like Edward did your mom's when she still lived with Charlie."

"That's way too much information Jake. I did not need to know about Dad sneaking into Mom's room! Yuck!" Jake just laughed. "Don't worry about it Nessie, Edward was such a prude I doubt if he even kissed her."

"Okay! Enough already!" Nessie was blushing. "So have you turned into a prude?" _I did not mean to say that out loud!_

Jake leaned away from her and frowned. "What? Why would you say that?"

"Because I really need to be close to you and it seems like you are pushing me away."

"Nessie Sweetheart, I am not pushing you away. I just don't want things to get out of control. We are both hurting and it would be too easy to give in to temptation. When I hold you, it is so comforting and feels so good that I don't ever want to stop. Holding you in my arms and feeling your body next to mine is better than pain medicine. When I'm close to you, I don't feel the pain anymore. All I feel is… _you._"

"I want the pain to go away, Jake. I don't care about waiting anymore. I want you Jake. I want you right now. Make love to me and make the pain go away."

"No."

It wasn't fair for Jake to add the sting of rejection to all the grief she was suffering. She couldn't believe he was refusing to ease her pain when he alone had the power to do so.

"Nessie, look at me." When she refused, he cupped her chin and held her captive as he moved his face just inches from hers. She kept her eyes tightly closed but the feel of his warm breath on her mouth made her lips part involuntarily. Jake kissed her slowly and Nessie forced her self to remain unresponsive. _Let's see how you like it when I reject you!_ Jake ran his tongue over her lower lip and Nessie pressed her mouth together in a tight line refusing him entrance.

Jake broke the one-sided kiss and sighed loudly. "Nessie, I want to look back on our first time as the happiest moment of our lives. Every time I kiss you, I think about our first kiss. I remember the sweet mix of anxiety and anticipation when you asked me to kiss you. I was hesitant then too, but for a different reason." Nessie opened her eyes just enough to peek at him from under her lashes and the pure love shining from Jacob's countenance completely softened her heart.

"I remember the joy that coursed through me when our lips met for the first time. Do you remember how you felt?" Nessie just nodded. "This moment is too full of grief, Nessie. I don't want to think of Carlisle's death every time we make love. Do you?"

"No." Nessie whispered so softly it wasn't audible to her own ears, but Jake understood.

"I'm sure we'll have lots of opportunities to comfort each other by making love after we're married. Jake sighed and his eyes creased with worry. "Billy looks so much older every time I see him."

Nessie's chest constricted as she thought of Billy, Grandpa Charlie, and Sue. Even Claire was going to grow old and die, which meant that Quil would too. If Seth imprinted on a human…

"I can't stand to feel this way again Jake! I don't want Billy or Grandpa Charlie to die! Maybe Daddy could change them into vampires and they could live with us forever." Nessie became excited by the idea and wondered why no one had thought of it before. "Venom would cure Billy's paralysis!"

"Whoa Nessie. Slow down Baby. I know that Billy would never agree to become a vampire. Charlie still pretends they don't exist, even though his own daughter is a vampire. He's even seen me phase into a wolf and has made it clear he wants no part of the supernatural world."

Nessie was hurt and a little insulted. "They would rather die than become vampires? Why?"

"That's a hard one to explain, Nessie. There are some advantages to being human. Death is just one of them."

"How can death possibly be an advantage?"

"Well, for Billy it means he can be with Mom again." Jake was quiet for several moments. "I think that's what made it possible for him to keep living after she died. He knew that someday he was going to see her again and she would kick his sorry ass out of heaven if he wasn't the best dad he could be for us kids."

"Is that what you want, Jake? Do you want to be with your mom again and Billy after he dies?" Nessie started to panic as she thought about the possibility of Jake dying, even if it were centuries from now.

"Nessie, of course I would love to be with my parents again someday, but that doesn't matter. As long as you stay here on this planet, I will do my best to stay here with you. You are my whole world. I _have _to be with you. I can't exist without you." Nessie's heart stuttered and she wondered if Jake knew what he'd just said. Did he realize that he just testified of how completely imprinting controls him? Nessie's heart took a hit as her mind scored a point.

"_Told you so."_

~***~


	33. Warm Hands

**A/N Thanks again for all the encouragement, condolences, and prayers. I can't begin to express the gratitude I feel for the generous outpouring of love from friends I have never met. I dedicate this chapter to all of you. You know who you are.**

**The coffeeshop is closing soon but I will try to get here earlier tomorrow to answer all of your messages and reviews. At least there is enough time to post this chapter. I know it's short and fluffy, but I kind of needed it. Also, I changed the ending of the previous chapter. It's amazing what two little sentences can do.**

**I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement is intended.**

~***~

Previously:

"Is that what you want, Jake? Do you want to be with your mom again and Billy after he dies?" Nessie started to panic as she thought about the possibility of Jake dying, even if it were centuries from now.

"Nessie, of course I would love to be with my parents again someday, but that doesn't matter. As long as you stay here on this planet, I will do my best to stay here with you. You are my whole world. I _have _to be with you. I can't exist without you." Nessie's heart stuttered and she wondered if Jake knew what he'd just said. Did he realize that he just testified of how imprinting controlled him? Nessie's heart took a hit as her mind scored a point.

"_Told you so."_

Chapter 33: Warm Hands

Nessie felt her wounded heart constrict against the pain even as she fought against the cruel heckling of her own thoughts... _He doesn't love you, it's just the imprint, he didn't choose you, he doesn't really want you. _

"Nessie, would you like for me to give you a massage?" Jake's voice was low and husky and his breath tickled when he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

Nessie rolled over onto her stomach and turned her face toward Jake's. His eyes were so full of devotion and concern. Her heart fought back. _Look at him! How can you deny what is right in front of you. You know he loves you. He needs you just as much as you need him. If you so much as mention imprinting now it will crush him._

"I would love for you to give me a massage, Jake." Nessie craved Jake's touch, she _needed_ to feel his hands on her body. He kissed her nose and then rolled out of bed.

"Take off your shirt and crawl under the covers. I'll be right back." Nessie's heart rate picked up but she focused on remaining calm. Jake went into the bathroom and closed the door. "Tell me when you're ready, Ness."

Nessie debated on whether or not to take off her bra as well. Jake told her to remove her shirt. He didn't mention her bra, but wouldn't the straps get in the way? She didn't think she could tolerate the rebuff if he disapproved, so she decided to leave it on. "Okay Jake, I'm ready."

He had several tiny bottles of lotion in his hand when he walked back into the room. "I found the extra samples the housekeeping staff hid behind the towels under the sink." Jake sat sideways on the bed beside her with one foot on the floor and the other tucked under his bent knee. "I don't know why they even bother to give away such small samples. One bottle is hardly worth the effort." He emptied the contents of three bottles into his palm and rubbed his hands together vigorously.

Nessie moaned in pleasure as the heat from Jake's hands radiated into her sore tense muscles. "Does that feel okay? Am I going too deep?"

"Mmmm…. You aren't going too deep at all. In fact, I think I want you to go a little deeper."

He pressed and kneaded his hands into her flesh and elicited another prolonged moan. "Oh Jake, you have no idea how good that feels." When he slipped his fingers under her bra straps, they dug into her collarbones. "Jake, that's a little uncomfortable. It's too tight."

"Oh, I'm sorry Nessie." He removed his hands from her completely and the loss of his touch caused her to groan. She reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. "Ness, you don't have to do that..."

"I know I don't _have _to Jake, but I want to. I thought about doing it earlier, but I didn't know if you would be okay with it. Do you mind?"

"No, I don't mind at all, it's a lot easier for me when I don't have to worry about any barriers." He began to rub her back from her shoulders to her waist with long slow strokes.

"Nessie, I want to try something a little different. I can't seem to get the right angle from this position."

"I don't care what you do, just don't stop. This feels so good, Jake."

"Okay, scoot down. I need some more room up here." Nessie wormed her way to the bottom of the bed as Jake tried to kneel above her head. The bedsprings protested loudly as they both tried to get comfortable. "I don't think this is going to work." Jake grumbled. "I'm just too damn big."

"I think I know what you're trying to do, Jake. Why don't you just turn around and do it from the other end?" Nessie silently directed him to straddle her hips.

"I don't know Nessie…" Jake sounded hesitant and a little embarrassed.

"Why not? You said it yourself that you can't get the right angle from this position. Can't you feel how tight I am, I need for you go a lot deeper."

"You don't understand, Nessie. If I get on top of you like that…"

"It's not that hard Jake, just do it."

"Okay Nessie, if you really want me to. Tell me if it gets to be too much."

Jake straddled her hips with his knees but the only part of his anatomy that touched her body was his hands. He placed his thumbs on either side of her spine while his long fingers spanned her back. Nessie groaned as he slid slowly up and down her sore tense muscles. "Oh wow Jake, it felt good before, but this is so much better. Now put your weight into and push hard."

Jake continued to massage her back and shoulders until she was completely relaxed. Nessie started to drift off as the tension left her body. "Jake, you can stop if you're getting tired."

"I'm not tired Nessie. I could do this all afternoon, but if you want me to stop just say so."

"No, I don't want you to stop, but I might fall asleep. Is that okay?"

"Of course Baby, I'll just lighten up and move a little slower so you can drift off."

Nessie woke with a start when she heard Jacob swearing loudly and vehemently in the hall outside their room.

"How long have you been sitting out here spying on us?" Jake was growling fiercely. Nessie hopped out of bed, pulled her shirt on quickly, and opened the door. Jake was glaring at Alejandro and Luca who were sitting on the floor surrounded by paper napkins, wrappers, empty Happy Meal boxes, and super-sized cups. Luca was clutching a tiny stuffed animal to her chest as she stared wide-eyed at Jacob who towered above her.

Nessie felt sorry for her until she started to talk. "You told us to wait until you took the 'Do Not Disturb' sign off the door. We've been waiting out here for an hour while you two humped like bunnies."

Jake grabbed both kids by the arm and shoved them into the room and onto their bed. "We were not 'humping like bunnies' and where did you even hear a phrase like that?"

"Embry." Alejandro, Luca, and Nessie all said at the same time. Jake smacked his forehead and growled.

"Listen, we weren't doing anything like that at all. I was simply giving Nessie a much needed massage."

Alejandro and Luca looked at each other and snickered. Luca batted her eyelashes and smiled seductively at Jake. "I need a massage too. I want one just like hers." Nessie saw red and launched herself at the girl. Jake grabbed Nessie as Alejandro restrained Luca. It took them several minutes to calm the girls down.

"Luca likes to flirt; she does not mean any harm. It is just her way to entertain us. She is very funny when you understand she is only joking." Alejandro maintained a tight hold on Luca as he tried to justify her behavior.

"Okay, but no more joking Luca. Do you understand? I will not tolerate anything that upsets Nessie." Jake's tone was kind but firm, as if he were talking to Sophie or George.

"I don't understand what all the fuss is about. I didn't say I wanted YOU to give me a massage. I only said I wanted one _like _hers. You two got to use the room for two hours, why don't you go find something to eat and let Alejandro and I have our turn?"

Alejandro turned his head and stared at Luca as a deep red blush crept up his neck to his face. He turned back to look at Jake with a wide grin and an eager expression on his face. "Yes, you should go find something to eat, Jacob. There is some blood for Nessie in the little refrigerator next door. Take some with you."

"Nessie and I are not going anywhere and what do you mean there is blood in the mini-fridge? Where did it come from, and where the hell are Quil and Seth?"

"In jail." Luca replied cheerfully.

~***~

**A/N I seem to be back on track, so I will send everyone that reviews this chapter a preview of the next one.**


	34. The Innuendo Incident

**A/N Before you read this chapter, I want to remind everyone that Luca and Alejandro are not siblings. Luca's father was Felix and Alejandro's was Joham. All the hybrids were called "Aro's children" once he formed them into the Red Guard. **

**I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Previously:

"Nessie and I are not going anywhere and what do you mean there is blood in the mini-fridge? Where did it come from, and where the hell are Quil and Seth?"

"In jail." Luca replied cheerfully.

Chapter 34: The Innuendo Incident

"WHAT!" Jake, Nessie, and Alejandro all exclaimed together as they stared at Luca.

Luca seemed to bask in the attention. "Alejandro had to urinate, and while he was in the toilet at McDonald's I spotted Quil and Seth for the second time since we left the hotel. I don't like being followed." Luca glared at Jake briefly before smiling again. "There were several police officers in the booth across from me. I pointed at your friends and told the policemen they were staring at me and making me feel uncomfortable. I didn't think they would arrest them, but it seems your friends left the hotel without their documents."

Jake sat down heavily on the bed, dropped his head into his hands, and repeated the same vulgar word several times.

Nessie rubbed Jake's shoulders as he continued to swear quietly. Alejandro added a few choice swear words in Spanish and tried to apologize for Luca. Jake ignored him and grabbed his cell phone off the desk. He flipped it open and mumbled "Jasper, mobile one" as he placed it against his ear. "No. Jaz-per, mo-bile one." Jake growled and repeated the command two more times before Nessie gently took the phone from him and punched in Jasper's number. Jake puffed out his cheeks as he exhaled loudly then kissed Nessie's forehead when she handed him the phone.

"Jasper, it's Jake. We have a legal problem here. Quil and Seth did not have any I.D. on them and were arrested. Please call me as soon as you get this message."

Jake closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "What did you kids say about blood in the mini-fridge? I'm sure I do not want to hear this, but you better tell me anyway."

Alejandro smiled brightly. "I heard you mention getting some blood for Nessie from a hospital or blood bank, so while we were out, Luca and I snuck into the local hospital and took as much as we could carry. It was very easy." Alejandro turned his beaming face to Nessie. "Would you like some now?"

Nessie swallowed the pooling venom as her throat began to burn. One glance at Jake's horrified face convinced her to resist the temptation. "No, I'm fine." She closed her eyes and bit her lip.

Jake narrowed his eyes and cocked his head to the side. "How did you get into Quil and Seth's room, anyway?"

Alejandro pulled a key-card out of his pocket, smiled and unlocked the door. "There are many of these behind the desk in the lobby. The people that clean the rooms use them. Did you know that you can open any door with one of these cards?" The boy's expression was truly innocent, he must believe anything easily pilfered was meant for him to take.

"Come on, let's go." Jake grumbled quietly and led the way into the room. He crouched low, opened the door to the mini-fridge, and groaned when he read the labels. "This is the rarest blood type. It's always in short supply. People _need _this stuff."

Even chilled and sealed in plastic, the scent of human blood made Nessie's throat burn more intensely. "Can we return it to the hospital?"

Jake shook his head slowly. "No, we can't. Even if they handled it correctly during transport—which is doubtful—the hospital would never accept it once it left their custody. Besides, who ever tried to return it would be in a hell of a lot of trouble."

Jake punctured the seal on one of the bags and handed it to Nessie. Her throat blazed painfully and her hands shook, but she maintained control. "Are you sure, Jake?"

"Go ahead Baby, there's no reason to waste it." She drained it quickly, but continued to squeeze and suck on the empty bag until Jake pried it out of her hands. He handed her a second bag. "Slow down Sweetheart, try to make this one last." He grabbed two more bags and tossed them to Luca and Alejandro. Luca opened hers with amazing control and slowly sipped the contents. Alejandro smiled sadly and tossed his back to Jake. "I don't drink blood."

Nessie's eyebrows shot up in surprise but she couldn't stop sucking on the nearly empty bag of blood long enough to question him. Luca patted him on the back affectionately. "It's okay Alejandro, it's not your fault you can't tolerate blood."

Alejandro sighed and his shoulders slumped. "I know, but it still makes me sad. What sort of vampire doesn't like blood?"

"You really don't like blood?" Jake blinked and pulled his eyebrows together.

"Not only do I find blood unappetizing. My body completely rejects it, regurgitating even the smallest amount."

"Weird," was Jake's only response. Nessie thought so too. _Weird indeed._

"Most of us can survive on either blood or solid food, but show a distinct preference for one or the other. So far, I am the only one that cannot tolerate blood at all. Gaius was the only one that could not tolerate any solid food." Nessie wondered where she ranked on the spectrum of blood versus food. She was certain she could thrive on nothing but blood—_especially human blood._

Luca sucked the last drop from her bag and tossed it at the trashcan, but Jake intercepted it. "You can't just leave that crap lying around! It's stolen property. Give me your empties." Jake dug around under the sink in the bathroom and pulled out several plastic bags used for the disposal of sanitary napkins. He folded and wrapped each of their "empties" in several layers of toilet paper then stuffed them into the little blue bags.

"I saw a cleaning cart at the end of the hall. I'm going to get rid of these, but I'll be right back. Stay here and stay out of trouble." Jake glared at Luca before he scanned the hallway and trotted off toward the cleaning cart.

Jake was at the opposite end of the long hallway when his phone went off. Jasper had wisely insisted they all have new cell phones. Someone, probably Rosalie or Emmett, had reprogrammed Jake's ring tone to "You Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog" by Elvis Presley. Nessie darted into their room and grabbed it off the desk. "Hello?"

"Nessie, put Jake on the phone. This is Quil."

"Are you okay, Quil? Luca just told us what happened. Jake already called Jasper and left him a message. I'm sure he'll get you and Seth out of jail as soon as he gets here." Jake ran into the room and Nessie handed him the phone. He inclined his head towards the other room and Nessie went back to help Alejandro keep an eye on Luca.

~***~

Jasper called as soon as they landed and instructed Jake to meet him at the police station with the two jailbirds' passports and driver's licenses. Everyone else arrived at the hotel and checked into their rooms.

Nessie found herself completely encased in cold stony arms as soon as her parents spotted her. She felt like a slice of bologna in an Edward and Bella sandwich. "Mom, Dad, I can't breathe." They immediately released her but kept at least one hand on her. Bella combed her cold fingers through Nessie's curls while Edward patted and rubbed her back.

Luca grinned at Edward. "You're the mind reader, aren't you." He frowned and nodded. Luca's friendly grin shifted into a knowing smirk and Edward froze. Nessie looked at her father's face and instantly knew what was happening.

"_Daddy, don't listen to her. She is a horrible troublemaker. Is she thinking about what she overheard in the hall?"_

Edward ground his teeth and nodded again.

"_It wasn't like that, Jake tried to explain, but she refused to believe him." _Nessie placed her palm on Edward's face and showed him the entire massage from start to finish. She didn't even attempt to edit out the part when she took off her shirt and unhooked her bra.

Edward's eyes grew wide as his mouth slowly opened into a perfect "O" shape. When Nessie finished projecting, he stared at her in shock.

"What?" Nessie knew her father was old-fashioned and probably disapproved, but they hadn't done anything to warrant this stunned reaction.

"You really don't know?"

Nessie put her palm back on his face. _"Jake and I are engaged. We didn't do anything wrong. I was feeling tense and frustrated and he just helped relieve some stress. That's all."_

"You are doing it again." Edward was studying her and Nessie knew he was reading her thoughts.

"_Will you please just tell me what the heck you are talking about?"_

"Nessie, Bella, come with me please." Nessie followed her parents to their room. Edward shut the door and then leaned against it. "Show your mother what you showed me."

Bella had the exact same reaction as her father. And this time she _did_ edit out the part where she unhooked her bra. Nessie balled her hands into fists and gritted her teeth.

"Oh come on, Mom! I can't believe you are as big of a prude as Dad! It was no big deal."

Bella groaned as Edward pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ness Honey, think for just a minute. Why do you think Luca and Alejandro got the wrong impression?" Bella gently gripped Nessie's upper arms and gazed into her eyes intensely. She was so close; Nessie could feel as well as smell her frosty breath. Her mother's ice-cold fingers pressed a little harder.

"I have no idea! Probably because they have dirty minds and we had the 'Do Not Disturb Sign' on the door." Nessie squirmed away from her mother's grasp in frustration.

"Renesmee, forget about what actually happened and just think about the conversation."

Nessie closed her eyes and concentrated. She ran through it twice before she understood. "Oh!... Ew… Gaaaah… You two are a couple of perverts!" Nessie felt her eyes sting and her face flush with embarrassment.

"That was a rather drastic change of opinion. We went from prudes to perverts in under sixty seconds." Edward's sardonic smile froze on his face then turned into a grimace. "Oh no."

~***~

"No freakin' way! You made that up, right?" Embry's outburst easily penetrated the thin hotel walls—signaling the beginning of what would later be known as 'The Innuendo Incident'.

"Actually Embry, she is telling the truth. That is exactly what Luca and I heard while we waited in the hall. Jacob explained that he was only giving Nessie a massage. I believe he is telling the truth. Luca does not."

Nessie recognized Leah's boisterous laugh and delighted whoop of triumph. "Oh this is absolutely priceless! Jake will never live this down. I get to tell Seth and Quil, so keep your mouths shut until I do, got it?"

_Crap! _Nessie, Bella, and Edward stared at each other unable to move as they realized there would be no way to keep this from spreading. Nessie wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but first she wanted to kill Luca.

Edward's face became a mask of rage as he turned to open the door. Bella grabbed his arm and physically restrained him. "It's too late, Edward. Any dramatic reaction on our part will only make this worse for Nessie and Jake."

"I am only going to admonish them to stop spreading this story. I know it is too late to keep it from the pack. They will get the whole story the next time they phase." Edward groaned and muttered, "probably with visuals if they can goad Jake into defending his story."

Nessie cringed at the thought and tears of shame stung her eyes. She had never felt so humiliated in her life.

"Bella Love, let go. I am not going to hurt anyone, but I am going to insist that no one tells Emmett."

_Oh no… Emmett would be worse than Embry and Leah combined. At least Jake has some control over his pack. No one controls Emmett. Not even Rose, not really… Emmett only pretends to obey her. He always does and says what ever he wants_. "Daddy, stop her. Please don't let Emmett find out."

Edward groaned and covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry Nessie."

"No way! Really? He actually said that?" Emmett's roar of raucous laughter made the ceiling shake even though the Presidential Suite was two floors above them. "I can't wait to tell Jasper."

"Emmett Hale, you will do such thing! Think about Nessie. And you—young lady—you should be ashamed of yourself for spreading such malicious gossip. It stops right here, right now."

"It's not gossip if it's true. Besides, who is going to stop me? You?" That was the first time Luca spoke loud enough for Nessie to hear her.

Humiliation turned to blinding fury and Nessie had only one thought occupying her entire mind. _"Kill Luca."_

Nessie wasn't sure exactly what happened but she found herself pressed tightly against Edward's chest. He was talking to her in soothing tones. "Nessie, calm down. It's going to be okay. We will get through this, it won't last forever…"

Edward passed Nessie to Bella and then threw the door open. Jasper, Alice, and Jake burst in. Jake grabbed Nessie from Bella's arms and wrapped his own completely around her. He cupped the back of her head and pressed her ear against his heart. Nessie couldn't tell if it was the sound of Jake's heart, or Jasper's gift that calmed her down, but she felt better immediately.

At first Nessie didn't pay attention to the hushed conversation her parents were having with Alice and Jasper until she heard her mother suggest they leave Luca and Alejandro here on their own with a large sum of cash. "Alejandro is only a few months younger than Nessie, maybe a year. He seems quite attached to Luca. I'm sure he would look after her."

"Bella Love, Alejandro is different than the rest of the hybrids. He seems to be more… human. He doesn't drink blood, not even fresh from the source. He didn't mature as quickly as the other hybrids. From the little I've gleaned from his mind, I would estimate his actual age to be no more than fifteen. Luca will quickly pass him in both strength and maturity. He will not be able to control her, and she does like blood—especially fresh from the source."

"I am willing to work with the girl if I can count on the rest of y'all to support me and not interfere with what might be considered unorthodox parenting techniques. That is of course if Alice is in agreement."

"Of course, Jasper."

"I assume that Luca said or did something to upset Nessie, am I correct?"

Nessie shuddered. She didn't want Jasper and Alice to know the details of her humiliation.

Jasper took a deep breath and sighed. "Jacob, why don't you take Renesmee someplace a little more calming, she doesn't need to be around here while we try to contain the situation." Jasper patted Nessie on the back before he shut the door behind them. "Now, will someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

Jake carried her out of the hotel, past the five crowded pools and onto the beach. He sat cross-legged on the scorching sand with Nessie sitting sideways in his lap.

The beach was practically deserted. A few local peddlers paraded back and forth with their brightly colored trinkets arrayed in baskets and trays; but no one approached them. Jake looked intimidating and dangerous so she was not surprised.

"So Nessie, do you want to tell me what's going on?" She shook her head "no" but put her palm on his cheek. This concerned Jake just as much as it did her and he had a right to know.

Every muscle in his body seemed to flex when Nessie imagined Luca whispering into Emmett's ear and telling him word for word what she overheard in the hallway. He groaned and shook his head. "Oh no… oh HELL no… Who all did she tell?"

"Embry, Leah, Emmett and Rose. So far. I'm sure she will find a way to tell everyone else. I showed my parents and I'm sure they are discussing it with Alice and Jasper right now."

Jake relaxed a little and lightly stroked her arms. "Nessie, have you ever heard the saying, 'fight fire with fire'?"

"Sure, but how will that help? Are you suggesting we start a rumor about Luca?" Nessie was furious with the girl, but she would not degrade herself by spreading gossip.

"No, not at all. We should probably fight fire with water in this case."

"What do you mean, Jake?"

"Think about it, Nessie. Luca seems to get off on upsetting you. She asked to drink my blood in the limo. You went ballistic on her. She insinuated she wanted me to… uh… give her a massage. You tried to kill her. She was grinning even as she crouched into a defensive pose. She wanted you to attack. And now she is spreading these rumors, I'm sure she is thrilled she made you cry. I'm no shrink, but I think she feels powerful when she makes you angry. If you don't give her what she wants, she will either give up or find someone else to torment."

"Are you suggesting I pretend that it doesn't bother me?"

"Pretending won't work. Don't let it bother you."

"That's great advice Jake, but a little hard to put into practice."

"Not really. Oh, here's a better saying for this situation. 'If you can't beat them, join them'."

"What? How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

"By finding the humor in the situation for yourself. Let's pretend we were the ones sitting in the hall pigging out on junk food and we overheard… hmmmm… Blondie and Monkey Man saying the same things we said. Don't you think that would be funny?"

"I think it would make me puke into a Happy Meal box. I'll bet Emmett and Rose have already done everything that Luca _thinks_ we did."

"Yeah, you're right. Okay pick a different couple, one more like us… inexperienced, naïve, and incapable of unchaste or impure thoughts." Jake grinned at her.

"Jake, I don't think we fit that description. Our actions may have been pure, and our words taken out of context… but I assure you, my thoughts were not pure or chaste. Were yours?"

Jake's smile spread quickly across his face and his eyes twinkled mischievously. "Show me what you were thinking." He pulled her hand toward his face, but she balled it into a fist and giggled.

"Oh no you don't… tell me what you were thinking first. We're your thoughts pure and chaste Jacob Black?"

"Nope."

"Are you going to tell me what you were thinking… oh let's say when… I unhooked my bra and told you to straddle my hips?"

"Nope."

"Jake! Is that all you're going to say?"

"Yup."

Nessie giggled again. "Gotcha."

"Hey that was a trick question." Jake laughed and mussed her hair.

Nessie snuggled closer into Jake's chest and he nuzzled the top of her head with his chin. The hot sun scattered pinpoints of light across the wet sand and ocean while palm trees swayed in the breeze. _This would make a beautiful painting. _Nessie closed her eyes to fix the image in her mind. When she opened them, she noticed that the sun also made her skin shimmer. Compared to the rest of her family's prismatic skin, it was a very subtle effect, but it was noticeable.

"Jake, does my skin look weird?"

He grabbed her wrist and examined the arm she was slowly rotating in the sun. "What do you mean? Are you hurt?"

"No Jake, I meant the sparkles. Does it look weird? Do you think anyone will notice that I'm… different?"

"First of all, _no_ you do _not_ look weird." Jake leaned back and ran his gaze up and down her body before focusing on her eyes. You look, beautiful, stunning, sexy, amazing, gorgeous, lovely, alluring, enthralling, charming, fascinating…"

Nessie laughed and blushed at his excessive compliments. "Stop it Jake, I'm serious."

He whispered in her ear, "so am I," making her shiver with pleasure. When he nibbled her neck, Nessie moaned quietly and arched her back. Jake growled and the vibration of his chest against the side of her body made her heart race. He shifted his hips and lifted her off his lap settling her on top of his huge feet. Jake had been her favorite chair for as long as she could remember. She reclined against his shins, but was much too tall to use his bent knees as a headrest anymore.

"Hey Nessie, do you want to go for a swim?" Jake didn't wait for a response. He put his hands on her shoulders and kicked his feet in the air. Nessie instinctively flipped over backwards and landed with her feet on either side of his head.

"Wow Jake! You're lucky I didn't land on your face."

He grinned wickedly, threw her over his shoulder, and ran into the surf.

"Ja-cob! I'm not wearing a swimsuit."

He laughed and splashed her playfully. "Neither am I. Hang on tight, Nessie!" Jake slung her around onto his back and dove into an oncoming wave. It was so peaceful when they surfaced on the other side. They floated and bobbed on the rolling ocean swells. The water was crystal clear and full of colorful fish. They could both hold their breath much longer than the average human and used that fact to their full advantage. Jake held her hand as they repeatedly dove and explored the coral reef that disappeared into the dark blue depths below.

"Wow Nessie, that was amazing. Did you see the eel I pointed out? Or the sea turtle?" Jake was grinning and his eyes were wide with wonder. He hadn't looked this happy in a very long time.

Nessie laughed. Jake's enthusiasm was contagious. "I saw the eel, but must have missed the sea turtle."

"Ah, too bad. You saw the shark though, right?"

"There was a shark? Where? What kind? How big was it?" Nessie wondered if shark blood tasted closer to human blood than the other predators she had tried. "Come on, he can't have gone far. Show me."

They both inhaled as much air as possible and dove together. The shark was gone, but a large spotted ray caught their attention, and they followed it until their protesting lungs forced them to surface.

The flora and fauna of the reef were breathtaking, but nothing could compare with the beauty and grace of Jacob floating weightless above her. Coal black hair undulated in waves around his face, occasionally brushing his shoulders. When had his hair grown so long? So_… Beautiful…_

Jake's shirt drifted away from his body revealing his lower abdomen and ribs while his faded jeans rode even lower than usual on his narrow hips. Nessie floated effortlessly toward Jake until their hands met and he pulled her gently against him. The hem of Nessie's shirt had ridden up under her arms, and the feel of Jake's bare skin on hers was amazing.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he slid his hands down her back; pressing her even harder against him. She squeezed her legs and pulled with her arms sliding up his body eagerly seeking his mouth. Nessie lifted her chin and closed her eyes when Jake pressed his lips on hers. She felt his abs contract and arched her back as she moaned into his mouth. Kissing Jake was always enjoyable, but kissing Jake while floating weightless under water was amazing. She could have kissed him forever except for one thing… lack of oxygen.

Nessie pulled back reluctantly and opened her eyes. It took a few seconds to realize how drastically everything had changed. The bright colors had faded to monochromatic shades of blue. The water was darker… colder and _heavier_ than it should be. How deep were they?

When she looked up, she panicked. The sun was just a speck of fractured light surrounded by silver bubbles that rolled and expanded as they rushed to the surface. She pushed violently away from Jake and his eyes flew open. He immediately let go of everything except her wrist.

Nessie continued to fight and struggle. She had to get away. She had to _breathe.._. Jake's hand was an iron band around her wrist. He kicked and propelled them toward the surface, but it wasn't fast enough. They weren't going to make it.

"_Renesmee. Stop fighting him."_ Nessie froze and looked around but all she saw was the pale blue coral wall sliding downward and the turbulent foam generated by Jake's powerful legs_. "Kick your legs, Renesmee."_ Carlisle?Was she already dead? Was her grandfather here to show her the way to heaven? _"You are not dead yet, now damn it kick your legs." _The mild swear word broke through her stupor. Carlisle rarely swore. When he did, you had better do exactly what he said.

Nessie focused the energy of her fear into kicking her legs. When she added her efforts to Jake's they rose much faster. They breached the surface like a pair of dolphins and filled their burning lungs with sweet, salty air. Floating on their backs holding hands, they gluped and gasped like dying fish as their bodies tried to equalize the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide.

_Did I really hear Carlisle's voice? Am I going insane or was that just my oxygen starved brain trying to knock some sense into me? _

When Nessie noticed how far away the shoreline was, her relief turned to anxiety. "Jake, where are we? I can't see the hotels anymore. How did we get so far out to sea?"

Jake hugged her and looked around. "We must have gotten caught in a powerful current." Nessie whimpered as she noticed how fast they were drifting. Memories of their ordeal in the river flashed through her mind. "It's okay, Nessie. Hang onto my back and I'll get us to shore." Jake's calm voice and confidence reassured her instantly.

Even with Jake's super-human strength, it took a considerable amount of time and energy to escape the current. He swam parallel with the shoreline, gradually moving closer until they were free. The water was suddenly much warmer as well as calmer. Jake's body relaxed completely beneath her and Nessie sighed with relief.

She kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, "thank you Jake. Once again the damsel in distress is saved by her knight in shining armor."

"If I were wearing armor, I'd be lying on the bottom of the ocean floor." Jake's strokes and kicks were much slower and he sounded exhausted. Nessie wondered if the burden of always having to comfort, protect, and rescue her, wasn't heavier than a suit of armor. She felt guilty for hitching a ride when she was perfectly capable of swimming.

When she loosened her grip and tried to slide off, Jake rolled over beneath her and grabbed her arms. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Jacob, my brave sweet hero, you're completely spent. I am perfectly capable of swimming. I don't want to be a burden."

"Nessie. You are not a burden." Jake continued to slowly kick his legs and they were making progress, but Nessie felt increasingly selfish.

"Jake, at least let me pull my own weight when I can. Please." Jake studied her face for a few seconds then nodded his head.

Nessie slid off and smiled when Jake pulled her into a quick warm embrace and kissed her nose. "Can I at least hold your hand?"

"Of course, Jacob." As much as she enjoyed the feel of Jake's muscles rolling and moving beneath her, she liked this even more—working together as partners for the safety and wellbeing of each other.

"So… Nessie, you realize that if you aren't a damsel in distress, I can't be your hero." Jake smiled sadly and kissed her hand.

"Even if I never need to be rescued again—and I wouldn't count on that if I were you—you will always be my hero, Jake. Always.

~***~

**A/N If you leave a review before I post the next chapter, I will send you a preview.**


	35. The Cure for Anything is Salt Water

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**I also do not own the quote "The cure for anything is saltwater—sweat, tears, or the sea. By Isak Dinesen**

~***~

Chapter 35: "The Cure for Anything is Salt Water"

"Oh my gosh, Jacob! That was so much fun. Can we do it again?" The swim to shore had been long, but not difficult. When the waves started to break, they waited for a big one and bodysurfed the rest of the way in.

Jake laughed but shook his head. "We need to get back to the hotel; I'm not sure how far we drifted, but it was a hell of a long way."

"Awe, come on Jake. You know you want to. Just one more time? Please?" Nessie held one of Jake's huge hands with both of hers and tried to pull him back into the water.

"You are impossible to resist." Jake chuckled, and then mumbled under his breath, "in more ways than one."

Nessie followed his gaze down the front of her shirt and blushed. "Oops, looks like I could enter one of those wet t-shirt contests Emmett was talking about."

Jake's grip on her hands tightened and he clenched his jaw. "Over my dead body."

"I was just kidding Jake. You know me better than that."

"I know Nessie, but just the thought of other guys looking at you… like that… It makes me crazy." Jake stopped and peeled off his shirt. "Here, put this on. It might help a little."

"Jake, there's no one else out here. No one is looking at me."

Jake smiled seductively, and murmured, "I'm looking at you."

His husky voice combined with the way he was indeed looking at her—caused her body to respond. Both of their hearts started beating faster. Jake bit his lip and handed her his shirt. Nessie pulled it on over hers and it did help. A little.

"Come on Nessie, let's catch a wave." Jake pulled her onto his back and swam out to where the best waves were breaking.

One wave turned into a dozen and could easily have turned into a dozen more. "We have to go Nessie."

"Just one more?" Nessie knew he was right, but she didn't want to get out of the water. The ocean washed away all of her grief, worries, and fears. She didn't want to crawl to shore and face the pain she knew was waiting to overwhelm her.

The battle, and Carlisle's death, were locked in a chain bound iron chest and buried deep inside her. She could still feel it rattling around, trying rise to the surface of her consciousness, but as long as she was in the water, it remained submerged.

It seemed Jake was able to do the same thing. He was so relaxed now, as if he had left his burden on the beach as well. He still hadn't told her what was bothering him, but Nessie was certain it had something to do with the fight.

They were stalling—lying on their bellies in the wet sand and letting the gentle waves wash over their backs. Each retreating wave washed a little more of the sand away from under them, settling their bodies a little deeper into the seashore. Nessie wondered how long it would take before the beach could claim them completely.

"If we get back to the hotel in time… we can rent surfboards." Jake obviously knew how to entice her.

"Okay! Let's go!" Nessie jumped up and took off running down the beach. Jake had to remind her to slow down to a human pace.

They ran _slowly_ back to the hotel and it seemed to take forever. The sun was sinking into the ocean when they arrived and the water sports rental booth was locked. "I'm sorry Nessie." Jake looked as disappointed as she felt.

"It's okay, Jake. We have the rest of forever to try all the things we want to do. We just have to learn to be patient… and put surfing at the top of the list."

~***~

"Where have you guys been? Everyone's looking for you." Leah scowled up at them as Sophie ran up to her with a bucket full of sand. "Don't even think about it." Leah's tone stopped Sophie in her tracks. The little flirt grinned at Jake and then dumped the entire contents of her bucket on Embry's head.

Embry laughed as he shook his head like a dog, showering everyone with sand. Sophie giggled when Leah swore at Embry. "Leah Baby, please don't talk like that in front of Sophie."

"Alright Embry, turn her around and cover her ears so I can cuss you out behind her back."

Nessie and Jake walked away as Leah and Embry continued to argue.

"Awe come on, Leah. Don't be mad. You already had sand all over you. Look where you're sitting!"

"Sand on my butt is not the same as having sand thrown into my face…"

Nessie was surprised and relieved that Leah and Embry did not mention the "Innuendo Incident".

~***~

Nessie jumped in the shower while Jake called everyone to let them know they had made it back safe and sound. The hot water felt wonderful as it rinsed the dried salt and sand off her skin. When she realized she had been standing under the spray completely motionless for several minutes, she quickly lathered her body and washed her hair.

Nessie groaned when she realized she forgot to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom. She briefly considered just wrapping a towel around her to retrieve her bag, but decided that might not be a good idea. If Luca happened to be in the room, she would probably tell everyone she was parading around naked or something.

"Hey Jake, could you toss me my bag, I forgot to bring a change of clothes in here." Nessie was startled when a cold blast of air assault her wet and naked body.

"Hey!" Nessie grabbed her towel and tried to cover herself but it was only Alice. "Alice, what are you doing?"

"I'm bringing you your clothes." Alice handed her a stack of clothes Nessie had never seen before. She frowned but decided not to argue. Shopping did for Alice what the ocean did for Nessie. Alice blew a stream of frigid air on the mirror, clearing it of steam as Nessie dressed. "Luca wants to apologize. I know she hurt your feelings and you are probably still angry; but if you could forgive her, Jasper and I would really appreciate it." Alice was whispering so quietly Nessie could barely hear her. Luca must be in the room.

Nessie folded her arms across her chest and studied their reflections in the mirror. Alice smiled expectantly waiting for her to acquiesce. Nessie tucked a stray curl behind her ear and sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll forgive her this time but she had better watch herself. I am not going to put up with any more of her crap."

Alice wrapped her cold arms around her and squeaked. "Thank you Nessie," then darted out of the bathroom. Nessie shivered from her brief but freezing embrace.

Luca's eyes were swollen and red from crying. Tears streamed down her face. "I'm soooo…. (sob)…. Sorry… Nessie. I'll never do anything like that again." _What the hell happened to her?_

"I accept your apology, Luca." The girl nearly knocked Nessie off her feet when she jumped up and embraced her fiercely. If she hadn't still been sobbing, Nessie would have suspected her of trying to pass an assault off as a hug.

Nessie wondered if this sudden change of heart was the result of the "unorthodox parenting techniques" Jasper had mentioned. She hoped he hadn't resorted to corporal punishment. Children were disciplined much differently during the Civil War Era.

"That's a good girl, Luca. Now don't you feel better Darlin'?" Jasper opened his arms and Luca immediately released Nessie and flew into Jasper's waiting embrace. He patted her back briefly then gently pushed her away, keeping his hands on her shoulders. "Alejandro is waiting for you up in Emmett and Rosalie's room, so skedaddle on out of here and go find him."

Luca took off and Nessie raised her eyebrows questioningly. "What did you do to her? That was an amazing change of heart."

"Jasper gave her a taste of her own medicine." Alice smiled at her husband adoringly.

"How?"

"Let's just say she has a deeper understanding of the pain and humiliation she caused you. For the next few days, Luca will be extremely empathetic when ever she is around you."

Jake smiled slowly and then chuckled. "Are you saying that you manipulated Luca's feelings to match Nessie's?"

"That is exactly what I'm saying and I will continue to do so until Luca develops a normal social conscience. Her psychopathic personality is the result of neglect and abuse while under Aro's authority. With a little guidance and a lot of 'therapy' I am optimistic she will grow into a delightful young woman."

Jake looked thoughtful. "Huh. Do you think it's too late to use that sort of 'therapy' on Emmett?"

Jasper laughed quietly. "Yes, much too late. I cannot blatantly manipulate Emmett to change his behavior. The resentment he would feel after any such 'therapy' would negate any beneficial results."

Jasper's smile turned into a smirk. "I might have accidentally let a little of the painful emotions intended for Luca spill over onto Emmett, Embry, and Leah. I do believe they all have a new appreciation for the consequences of destructive repartee and gossip."

Jake chuckled and gave Nessie a little squeeze. "That's awesome, Jasper. Thanks."

"Yes Jasper, thank you so much." Nessie was hopeful that the fallout from the "Innuendo Incident" was over.

Jake walked across the room, opened the door and announced, "I'm starving, and Nessie and I are both tired. We will see you at the meeting later tonight."

Alice was quick to take the hint. She popped up onto the tips of her toes like a ballerina and kissed Nessie's cheek. Jasper smiled and winked at her. "Y'all be good now, okay."

"Sure, sure." Jake muttered as he practically pushed them out of the room. He slipped the "Do Not Disturb" sign over the doorknob then closed and bolted the door.

Jake swept Nessie off her feet and tossed her onto the bed. Her heart was hammering in anticipation of some serious cuddling—until Jake picked up the phone, and ordered enough food from room service to feed five people.

~***~

"What the hell happened to this room?" Nessie looked around her in awe and horror. The elegant presidential suite looked like a war zone. There were two broken lamps, a broken vase, and a chair with a long diagonal gash spilling stuffing onto the floor. Rose looked up and Nessie followed her gaze. The ceiling fan hung at an odd angle and there was a pile of white dust and chunks of sheet rock directly below it. "Rose?" Nessie was nearly speechless.

"Ask Emmett. I'm dying to find out myself." Rose stood stiffly with her arms folded firmly across her chest and her full lips pressed into a thin tight line.

Emmett grinned, and rubbed the back of his neck. "George really wanted to see how far he could fly, and I didn't think he weighed all that much… The fan was obviously not installed correctly..." Rose hissed, and Emmett ducked his head. "Okay, okay… I shouldn't have done it, but you should have seen his face when I turned the fan on and he started spinning." Alejandro and Luca giggled.

"Emmm-et…" Rose growled. Emmett took a couple of steps back and raised his open hands in front of his chest. Rose put her hands on her hips and glared at Emmett until he continued his narration.

"So anyway, George made four complete revolutions before the ceiling cracked. He let go and flew into the mirror over there. He bounced off that mirror like it was a trampoline, somersaulted and landed in a crouch. You have to admire his reflexes." Rose glared at him again and Emmett cringed.

"I made sure he was okay and he promised to be good for Alejandro and Luca while I tried to round up some tools to fix the fan." Emmett frowned and shook his head. "That kid can't be trusted to keep a promise."

Rose finally lost it and smacked the back of Emmett's head.

"Holy cow, what happened in here?" Quil was the last person to arrive for the meeting. His astonishment at the destruction was comical but Emmett, Embry, Alejandro, and Luca were the only ones that dared to laugh. Emmett's snickering earned him another smack on the head from Rose.

~***~

"I wanted to thank everyone for agreeing to meet tonight. I know this is going to be a difficult meeting and I will attempt to make it as brief as possible." Jasper's solemn words had a sobering effect on the group.

With everyone assembled together, it was painfully obvious who was missing. _Carlisle. _All the pain and grief Nessie worked so hard to suppress threatened to overwhelm her. The aching wound in her chest exploded with new levels of pain. It felt as if someone had sliced her open and tried to remove her heart.

When Jasper looked at her questioningly, she nodded her head and immediately felt the pain recede. It was still there but it was only a dull ache again and she felt… peaceful. She sighed and leaned into Jake. He pulled her in front of his body, wrapped his arms protectively across her chest, and kissed the top of her head. She turned around within his embrace so she could reach up and place an open palm on his cheek.

"_Thank you for always comforting me. I know you are suffering too…" _She projected the image of Jake's grey complexion and darkly shadowed eyes. When he cringed away from her palm, she pressed even more firmly and showed him the way he looked when they were playing in the water…

Jake—floating above her, filling her with an equal measure of desire and awe. Jake—eyes wide with childlike wonder following a brilliantly hued parrotfish… Jake—laughing and smiling as they played in the surf. _"I want to help you look like this all the time… I want to make you happy, the way you make me happy…" _

She projected the way she felt when Jake massaged her back. _"I want to help you feel relaxed and peaceful too…" _She projected a scene that had not occurred yet. Jake—lying prone on the bed, with her straddling his hips and running her hands up and down his broad back. Jake—sighing and groaning with pleasure as he relaxed under her hands. Jake—drifting to sleep as she softly trailed her fingers across his shoulders. Jake—on his side, spooned against her back, both of them smiling as they dreamed of each other.

Jake kissed her palm and then whispered in her ear… "Tonight."

That one little word made her knees turn to jelly and other more intimate fantasies surfaced. She was glad she was no longer projecting to Jake.

"Daddy alert at three o'clock." Jake's whispered warning was accompanied by a low hiss from the right side of the room.

_Crap. "Get out of my head Dad." _Even though she knew Edward was reading her mind, Nessie couldn't keep the image of Jake kissing her underwater out of her head.

Edward leaned over and whispered something to Bella. Her mother shot her a sympathetic smile as Edward closed his eyes and visibly relaxed. Nessie silently mouthed, _"thank you"_ to Bella for shielding her thoughts.

"…after we finish discussing our immediate plans." Nessie had missed most of what Jasper had just said... something about meeting at the airport tomorrow morning. She hoped it wasn't too important. "Esme has something she would like to say."

Nessie felt a huge wave of comfort and… _courage? _"Thank you Jasper." Esme's voice was quiet but steady. She took a deep breath and the room was instantly silent. "Garrett is organizing a memorial service to be held in the meadow above Forks and attempting to contact every vampire he can find. Everyone is invited. We will honor my husband, your father, grandfather, and friend with the largest gathering our world has ever seen.

"It would be irresponsible and unwise to invite our warm blooded friends to that gathering so we will have a small private ceremony at the house shortly after we arrive. Charlie and Sue Swan are in charge and I hear that Billy Black is planning something special to honor Carlisle. We should all plan to hunt before they arrive. That's all. Thank you Jasper."

Nessie felt Jake's arms tense around her. "Esme, I want Carlisle to be memorialized and honored for the great man he was. I also want to respect your wishes. But I am worried about the safety and wellbeing of my people if too many non-peaceful vampires congregate so close to the reservation. Even if there are no… accidents, there is bound to be a werewolf population explosion. Since Garrett is planning it, would it be possible to have the gathering in Alaska?"

Esme looked upset and Nessie felt another wave of emotional support. Alice wrapped an arm around Esme's waist and reassured her. "Don't worry Esme. I'll help Garrett with the arrangements. It will be even better in Alaska. Perhaps we can entice some of our friends to sample the wildlife instead of human life. I agree with Jacob. We must protect his people."

_Jacob's people… _Jake was more than just the Alpha of his little pack. He was the heir of Ephraim Black and Taha Aki. Jake had once recited his entire genealogy for her. She could still picture it perfectly.

Jake was sitting cross-legged on the jungle floor, she was lying on her tummy with her chin in her hands, and her ankles crossed behind her. Parrots and monkeys scolded each other overhead as Jacob taught her the legends and stories of his people.

"Did you know that I am a direct descendent of Taha Aki?" Jake spoke with solemnity and pride, but Nessie thought he was teasing her.

"Sure, sure, you are Jake. I'll bet everyone on the rez claims that."

Jake sat up straighter, closed his eyes, and rocked gently back and forth. His voice rang out clear and strong as he began to chant. Nessie recognized a few Quileute words and names… "father, mother, Taha Aki, Ephraim, Sarah, William" and the very last word of his chant—"Jacob."

She had been impressed at first, but Jacob Black—future leader of the Quileute Nation—was still just Jake to her. He was still her Jacob.

Nessie wondered if Jake had even thought about what he might be giving up if he married her. Jacob was full blood Native American, seven-eighths Quileute and one-eighth Makah. He was born to lead and protect _his people. _It was his birthright, and it should be passed down to his children.

What sort of celestial comedian was God that he made Jake imprint on _her? _Shouldn't the mother of Jacob's children be Quileute, or Native—or at least human? Surely, the fates did not intend to pollute such royal and pure blood with that of a half vampire. Could Jake's people ever accept her as the wife of their leader? What about their children? Would they be received into tribal society? Nessie could already hear the cruel taunts of bullies and gossiping old women when her sons and daughters tried to find their place in Jacob's world_. I can't deal with this right now. It's too much!_

"Nessie Baby, what's wrong?" She realized she was trembling and clinging to Jake, distracting him from his duty. Hadn't she just shown him how she wanted to be as helpful and supportive of him as he was of her?

She took a deep cleansing breath… and lied. "I'm fine, Jacob. Pay attention to the meeting." She would figure this out on her own. There had to be a reason Jake imprinted on her…

Nessie blurted out a single syllable that was something between a laugh and a cough when an unpleasant epiphany assaulted her mind. Everyone stared at her but she barely noticed.

It seemed her biggest problem was also the only solution… what a perfect example of circular logic and irony. Nothing less than the Quileute magic of imprinting could justify the union of their pureblooded leader with a half-vampire hybrid. Nessie still hated the idea that Jake's love wasn't real, but at least the tribal council and elders could not dispute her claim as Jacob's rightful mate. The ancient magic controlled them also.

Nessie had missed most of the meeting but when Jasper dismissed everyone that was not present at the battle, she decided she better pay attention. "Luca and Alejandro, I think it would be best for you to go with the others. This discussion is going to be painful; there is no need for you to suffer through it."

"Thank you Jasper." Alejandro wrapped his arm protectively around Luca's waist and she laid her head on his shoulder. Nessie felt the weight of their sorrow even after they disappeared from view. Jasper was right. This discussion was going to be very painful. If not for Jake, she would ask to be excused as well.

Nessie twisted around in Jake's arms so she could see his face. Stress left dark smudges under his haunted eyes and his complexion had again faded to grey. She palmed his cheek and projected pure love, admiration, concern and devotion. She felt his skin grow warmer under her hand and felt a sense of pride when his color improved.

Jake whispered "thank you" into her ear and then kissed her cheek. Jasper seemed to focus on her briefly. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly and he inclined his head as if to acknowledge her efforts to comfort Jake.

"Jacob, Nessie, while you two were gone this afternoon, everyone else wrote a post-battle report describing what happened from their unique point of view."

"You know why we were gone." Jake sounded vaguely defensive so Nessie rubbed his arms soothingly.

"Yes, and I am not criticizing you. I merely wished to point out that I do not have all the facts." Jasper turned his attention to the group. "However, I do believe I have a clear picture of what actually happened. Please realize that everyone experienced the battle differently and do not interrupt or contradict me until I am finished speaking. Agreed?"

Everyone nodded silently and waited for him to continue. Jasper narrated the events of the battle in a calm and detached manner, which made the entire thing seem surreal. Nessie didn't hear anything in his report that contradicted her experience.

"Do any of you have any evidence or new information that would indicate the need to amend or correct this report?"

No one said a word, but Jake's skin felt clammy and he started to tremble. Nessie gently pushed Jake to the floor and sat down beside him. She wished she could pull him onto her lap the way he did her whenever she was upset. Instead, she intertwined their hands and arms and scooted as close to him as she could get.

"Jasper, I don't want Nessie to be here. There is no reason for her to be here for the rest of this meeting." Nessie was shocked. Why did Jake want to send her away? She tried to put her palm on his face, but he grabbed her wrist and refused to let her share her gift.

"I don't want her to know what I did!" Jake's voice was a mixture of anger, pleading, and self-loathing.

"Jacob, you didn't do anything wrong." Jasper looked at Jake with compassion.

Seth and Embry made disparaging sounds and Nessie began to figure out what must have happened… Jake gave an Alpha order that the others did not like.

Jasper sent out a wave of calm and Jake relaxed even as he swore at Jasper.

"Cut that out. Stop manipulating me." The tension returned immediately.

"Sorry, reflex reaction. Now, I think it is time we cleared the air. The oppressive atmosphere of guilt and resentment in this room is heavier than the grief. And let me tell you that is damned heavy.

"I am very disappointed by the way orders were ignored…" Jasper looked pointedly at Alice and Nessie. Alice stuck her nose in the air and smirked at her husband. Nessie blushed and bit her lower lip.

"But I am absolutely horrified by the way some of you failed to do your duty." He turned his blazing eyes on the rest of the room. "I know it is a painful and degrading thing to kill another sentient being, even when they are intent on killing you. I realize it is so much worse when the enemy soldiers are not yet adults. That does not excuse any of you for shirking your duty and failing to protect your friends and family.

"Edward, Rose and Emmett you did not so much as lift a finger to help defend the rest of us. Edward, I realize you felt your duty was to treat the wounded, but once you determined there was nothing medically you could to do help Quil, you should have at least looked around to see where else your services were needed. You were so distracted by grief you failed to notice Jacob's serious injury. He would have died if not for your daughter's bravery. I believe Quil also owes his life to Renesmee."

Quil smiled soberly and his eyes glistened when he nodded at her. Nessie felt a small stirring of pride until she happened to glance at her father. He stood frozen with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and the same haunted look in his eyes as Jake. Bella was whispering to him and running her hands through his hair.

Nessie resented the way Jasper had criticized him. Couldn't he see how his harsh words wounded him? What was the purpose? The battle was over. He was just being mean.

"Emmett and Rose, neither of you have any excuse at all."

Emmett hung his head and nodded in agreement, but Rose snarled and hissed at Jasper. "You have no right to judge us! Those children were Sophie and George's siblings! How could you expect us to fight them?"

"I'll get back to you in a minute." Jasper's eyes flashed with anger, but he spoke with quiet authority.

"I am frankly surprised that Carlisle was our only casualty. It is a miracle really. That and the result of one man's incredible courage and dedication to duty at all costs. Before I get to that, I would like to talk about making tough choices. Perhaps it will help give you all some perspective. Now do not answer out loud, but just ponder for a moment and try to choose…

"Seth, if you were trapped on a sinking ship and could only save one person, would you choose your mother or your sister?"

Seth glared at Jasper. Neither man seemed willing to break eye contact. Finally, Seth sighed and looked at his feet.

"Alright Embry, who would you choose to save? Leah or Sophie?"

Embry actually growled at Jasper and accused him of performing inappropriate reproductive acts with a close relative.

Jasper completely ignored him. "Rosalie and Emmett, who would you choose? Your children or your mate?"

Rose followed Embry's example with an even more creative suggestion, but Emmett actually shook his head and muttered, "I don't know" several times.

"Alright, I want all of y'all to ask yourselves who would you save… a stranger or a friend? An enemy or a brother? A murderous adolescent girl or Carlisle?"

The room was completely silent. Jasper stared at each person in the room for several minutes before speaking quietly.

"Those are the kinds of decisions Jacob, Nessie, Alice, and I made on the battle field last night. We made the hard choices so the rest of you didn't have to. I know that Seth, Quil, and Embry fought valiantly and I am grateful for your obedience to Jake's Alpha command. That is what you are so angry about, isn't it?"

Embry and Seth didn't say anything. Quil looked at Jake and said, "I'm not angry, I'm grateful. Because Jake was willing to make the hard choice, I'm going home to Claire. Thank you Jacob."

Jake's chest shuddered when he exhaled and he brushed his eyes with the back of his free hand. Nessie squeezed the other one and whispered, "Yes Jacob, thank you for saving us all." He gave up all pretense of remaining in control and pulled Nessie into his lap. He buried his face in her curls and she felt his silent tears dampen her head.

Nessie realized that when Jake held her in his lap, it wasn't just to comfort her. This was something they did to comfort each other. She wrapped one arm around his back and the other around his neck then pulled his face down to hers. With her forehead pressed against his, Nessie surreptitiously wiped away his tears with the pads of her thumbs. When Jake stopped trembling and raised his head, Jasper spoke directly to him.

"Hold your head up high Jacob Black. You validated your birthright on the battlefield last night. The blood of Taha Aki runs pure and undiluted through your veins even though it has passed through many generations before you. All great leaders make difficult choices and sacrifices. That is what makes them great. We will never know how many lives you saved with your Alpha command. But, I do know if you had wavered or hesitated, there would be fewer people in this room tonight.

"There is no blood on your hands, Jacob. Aro alone is responsible for the deaths of his children and Carlisle. The Red Army was doomed the moment Aro decided to fight. None of us in this room would have been able to witness the death of our mate without completely destroying the enemy. If you had not used the Alpha command, those children would have died at our hands, but at a far greater cost.

"I am sure that Emmett alone would have destroyed the entire Red Army if Rosalie had perished. But it would have been too late to save her. Edward and Bella would have shown no mercy if Renesmee fell, but again it would have been too late. Even Alice, fighting blind without her gift would have single-handedly overwhelmed and destroyed the hybrids to avenge my death. Alejandro and Luca would not have been spared. The rage and grief of a bereft mate knows no logic, mercy, or justice."

"There is no doubt in my mind that even Carlisle would have annihilated the girl he tried to save if she had attacked Esme."

"Thank you Jacob, for doing your duty. Look around you at the faces of gratitude. Behold the honor and high esteem in which you are held.

Nessie slid off Jake's lap when Jasper crossed the room and held out his hand. "Hold your head up, and stand tall Jacob Black." Jasper pulled Jake to his feet and embraced him. "You will be remembered as a true warrior and hero as long as I exist."

Nessie stood beside Jake with her hands clasped in front of her mouth and tears streaming down her face when Embry embraced him. "Jacob, I'm sorry for being such an idiot. It's easy to see why you are the true Alpha and leader of our people." Embry's voice was rough with emotion. "I hope you can forgive me."

Jake whispered, "There's nothing to forgive."

Seth stood up and punched his fist through the wall. "I will never forget the feel of that child being crushed and torn by my teeth. I dream about it every single night!"

Nessie looked to Jasper but he frowned and slowly shook his head. Why did he refuse to help Seth? He was in so much pain.

Seth was swearing, crying, and pulverizing what was left of the wall. "I will hate him for as long as I live! I will never forgive that filthy, murdering, stone cold, bloodsucking leech!"

Jake crossed the room, pulled Seth into his arms and held his head against his shoulder. "God Jake, I am so sorry. I didn't understand."

"It's okay, Seth. I do understand. I know exactly how you feel."

Seth let go of Jake and wrapped Nessie in his arms. It felt strange. Seth was huge, strong, and much older than Nessie, but she felt as if she were comforting a small child. She looked at Jake with wide eyes, not knowing what to expect. He just smiled lovingly at her so she patted Seth's back and murmured into his chest, "It's okay Seth, I've got you. It's okay…"

Alice, Edward, and Bella all hugged Jake as well and thanked him for his leadership and courage. Emmett gave Jake a huge bear hug that lifted him off his feet. That was something Nessie had never seen before. "Thanks Jake. I don't think I could handle it if we lost anyone else." Emmett sort of choked then cleared his throat. "When I think how close I came to losing Rosalie… if Seth hadn't been there… well, anyway… thanks."

"You're welcome, Emmett."

When Rosalie offered to shake hands, Emmett shoved her into Jake's chest. "Give the man a hug woman; he probably saved both our sorry asses."

Everyone froze, waiting for Rose to either knock Jake on his butt, or rip Emmett's head off. They were shocked when she actually wrapped her arms around him and murmured, "Thank you Jacob."

**~***~**

**A/N Leave a review before I post the next chapter and I will send you a preview.**


	36. Homeward Bound

**A/N **

"**Life Sucks" just passed 500 reviews! I can't tell you how happy that makes me. Thank you so much to everyone that has ever reviewed this story, especially to the ones that faithfully R&R each new chapter. I LOVE you guys!**

**I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

Chapter 36: Homeward Bound

~***~

"But I don't want to stay in your room! I want to sleep with Alejandro!" Luca was distraught and pitching a hell of fit. Nessie actually felt sorry for her. Until… "Nessie and Jacob are not married and they sleep together!" _Crap! Way to go Luca._

"Not tonight, they aren't. Nessie will sleep in our room." Edward was in full-blown protective parent mode and Nessie was not happy about it.

"I'm sorry Daddy, but that is not your decision. I have been sleeping with Jake for weeks and I am not going to change that just because it offends your Victorian sensibilities. We aren't having sex…" Jake, Edward, and Bella groaned. Emmett and Embry snickered. Leah just rolled her eyes. "Well we aren't!" Nessie stomped her foot. "Even if we were, it's none of your damn business!"

"It is permissible for Luca to share my bed. She has not had the procedure yet."

"What the hell are you talking about Alejandro? What procedure?" Jasper was also in protective parent mode. It seemed once he accepted the task of socializing Luca, he also accepted the role of surrogate father.

"You know, the procedure that makes sexual intercourse safe for virgin hybrids."

"WHAT!" Everyone was shocked and confused except for Edward, Luca, Alejandro, and Marcus.

Edward groaned and looked like he might gag. Marcus enlightened everyone. "Due to the unique physiology of hybrids it is safest to surgically rupture the…"

"ENOUGH!" Jacob roared. Nessie felt light-headed and dizzy. This was something she had not considered. She knew that Carlisle had taken care of her mother's obstetric needs during her pregnancy and now that he… was gone… someone else would have to help her when she and Jake started their family. Since they weren't planning on getting pregnant right away, Nessie assumed her mother or one of her aunts could get a medical degree in time to manage her pre-natal care and deliver their babies.

It sounded like she would be needing the services of a vampire OBGYN before her wedding night. Edward was the only vampire medical doctor Nessie knew of and there was no way she would allow her father to perform that procedure.

"Don't worry about it Love, we'll find someone qualified. Edward looked at Nessie with compassion. "Marcus, who did Aro use for these… procedures?"

"The human fertility specialist he recruited for the 'Progeny Project'. Unfortunately, the man perished during Caius' attempted coup d'état."

"I am qualified to perform the procedure." All eyes fell on Morgan. "I am actually a pediatrician but did quite well during my OBGYN rotation as an intern."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Marcus was incredulous.

"You didn't ask, and it never came up." Morgan shifted baby Carl to her other breast and ignored the excited buzz created by all the whispering vampires.

"Is it painful?" Nessie wondered, not realizing she had spoken out loud.

"Oh yes, it is extremely painful." Nessie and Luca both cringed at the same time.

Luca had tears streaming down her face as she held her arms tightly across her belly and rocked back and forth. "Sorry Nessie. It isn't really. The doctors use pain medication first." As soon as she apologized; Luca drew in a huge breath and exhaled with obvious relief.

"Luca, it does not amuse anyone here when false information is used to cause unnecessary stress or fear in the heart of another." Jasper admonished her with patience and kindness.

"I'm sorry Jasper. I won't do it again." Luca obviously felt better, but her eyes were still spilling tears down her cheeks.

"That's a good girl, darlin' I know you are trying hard and Alice and I are very proud of you." Nessie fought the urge to roll her eyes.

Jake gave Nessie a squeeze and whispered, "It's okay, Nessie. You don't have to do this."

She put her palm on his cheek and let him know ,in no uncertain terms, that she would do anything to make the physical expression of their love possible.

"I mean it Ness, I can wait as long as you need. I love you… "

"I know, Jake. I love you too." She said it without thinking. Was that was the secret? Speak before you think?… Maybe Emmett could give her lessons.

~***~

It was a stressful night for everyone. Alice and Jasper forced Luca to stay in their room. Every time Jasper lessened his emotional control over her, Luca cried for Alejandro. Every time he heard her cry, Alejandro begged and pleaded with Jake to let him go find her.

Leah argued with Embry until he agreed to spend the night alone with her, which meant…

Sophie cried for Embry, George cried because Sophie did, and baby Carl cried because… well, because he was a baby.

Nessie sat in the bed across from her parents listening to all the weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. She refused to sleep and glared at them until it was time to leave for the airport.

They had to get there before sunrise since it was going to be a sunny day. Everyone was exhausted. Even the vampires that never slept seemed out of sorts. Once again everyone divided into small groups for the journey from the hotel to the airport. This time Nessie didn't have any problems, probably due to the three bags of blood she drank before they left. Everyone agreed it was too risky to attempt to smuggle stolen blood into the airport.

The chartered jet was luxurious. Nessie and Jake took full advantage of the oversized and fully reclining seats. Jake pulled her close and she slipped one of her legs between his. Nessie put her palm on Jake's cheek, kissed him soundly, and replayed her fantasy of giving him a massage.

"Mom! Shield our thoughts. I am in no mood to listen to Daddy hiss and snarl all the way to Washington!" Nessie decided she had been more than accommodating by giving in last night and not insisting she stay with Jake. They were both asleep within minutes of takeoff.

When she woke up with her back pressed against Jake's belly, Nessie was sweating. Sometime during the flight they must have shifted positions entangling their arms and legs. One of Jake's massive thighs was across her hip with his lower leg wrapped around her and tucked between her ankles. Nessie was cradling his forearm against her chest as if it were a baby.

Jake moaned her name in his sleep and slid his open hand down her chest until he spanned both her breasts with his splayed fingers. Nessie gently but firmly pulled his hand back up to her face and kissed his palm.

"Mmmm… Nessie…" He almost growled her name and pulled his hand back down the front of her body… this time rubbing and kneading her belly as he rocked into her backside.

"I don't care if he is asleep, Bella. He's going to be unconscious or dead if he doesn't get his filthy hands off my daughter!"

_Crap._

~***~

It was completely dark when they landed in Seattle. _And_ _cold_. Nessie shivered when she first exited the aircraft. Jake wrapped his arms around her from behind and she was instantly warm. It felt so good to be cocooned in his embrace—safe, warm, and… ah-oh…

"Give it a rest, Edward. I am tired of having to keep my shield up all the time. What were your thoughts like once we were engaged?"

"I know, I know, but… she's my daughter!"

"Yeah, well she's my daughter too and soon she is going to be Jake's wife so like I said. Give it a rest." Nessie felt a thrill run down her spine when her mother said "Jake's wife".

Apparently Jake liked the sound of it too. He squeezed her, lifting her feet off the ground and whispered in her ear. "Soon Nessie, very soon." Nessie was glad Jake was holding her securely because her knees completely gave out.

Nessie's heart stopped when she spotted the two female vampires wearing long black coats. _Volturi! _She realized her mistake when Esme broke away from the group and ran—much faster than she should have—straight for them and fell into their arms.

Of course… Garrett, Tanya, and Kate would be there to greet them.

Nessie didn't have time to process what was wrong before Jake pushed her roughly behind his back and started to shake.

"WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!" Jake roared, scattering other passengers and even a few security guards.

Garrett called over his shoulder, "We'll meet you at the car," as he and Kate ushered Esme away from the commotion.

_Nahuel? _

"NAHUEL!" Alejandro also abandoned all pretense of using human speed as he closed the distance to his half-brother and wrapped his arms around him. Nahuel looked shocked but to his credit he just patted the boy's back and looked questioningly at Tanya.

"Surprise Sugar!" Tanya smiled at Nahuel who beamed back at her. He finally pried Alejandro's arms off his waist and pulled back to study his face. "His name's Alejandro, he is your half-brother and this is..." Tanya faltered, not quite knowing how to introduce Luca.

"Luca is my mate." Alejandro proudly announced, pushing his underdeveloped adolescent chest out like a peacock.

"Not so fast, Son. You need to slow down and hold your horses. Luca is too young for you to be claiming her as your mate." Jasper was definitely in parental mode.

"No, I am not too young." Luca argued. "If Dr. Oliver had not died before my procedure date, I would have been given to Adamo before I even met you." Luca shivered involuntarily and Nessie remembered with a shudder of her own why she should be kind and patient with the girl.

"Why do you refuse to give her to me? I desire her and she desires me." Alejandro's face paled and his eyes widened in fear. "Do you plan to give her to another?" His demeanor changed instantly. His dark eyes flashed with anger and he balled his hands into tight fists. "Or do you mean to keep her for your own pleasure!"

"No! No, of course not. All I'm saying is that she is much too young to be 'given' to anyone. That's not how we do things in this family. Once you both are physically, mentally, and emotionally mature then you may choose your mates. It has to be a mutual decision. You and your mate must choose each other. Do you understand me?"

Alejandro nodded solemnly. "Yes Jasper, I understand."

Nessie studied Nahuel from behind the safety of Jake's back and wondered if he might try to win Luca for himself. He hardly took his eyes off Tanya and Nessie felt that as long as Tanya did not grow tired of him, Nahuel would not be a threat. He seemed to be making a special effort to avoid looking at Nessie or Jake; and that was just fine with her.

Tanya took turns hugging everyone and Nessie noticed both Nahuel and Bella narrowed their eyes when she seemed to hold Edward a little too tightly and a little too long. "Oh Edward. I'm so sorry for your loss. Carlisle was such a dear, sweet man and I will miss him so much." She looked like she was going in for another hug but Edward pulled Bella into his side under his arm.

"Look at you Renesmee! Oh my how you've grown!" Tanya pulled her out from behind a growling Jake and wrinkled her nose as she drew close to embrace her. Nessie knew that Werewolves smelled bad to vampires, but she was still insulted by Tanya's disgusted reaction to Jake's scent.

As soon as Tanya released her, Jake pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Nessie noticed he was taking quick shallow breaths through his open mouth. Maybe Jake had gotten used to her family's scents but could not tolerate other vampires. Or maybe it was just an act to return the insult.

~***~

Nessie's stomach twisted with anxiety when she spotted Sam, Emily, Paul, Rachael, Jared, Collin, and Brady. They were here to take Jake's pack to La Push but why did they all come? They looked extremely tense and Nessie realized they were uncomfortable around her family and friends even though they were good vampires.

"QUIL!" A pretty, young girl with long black hair pushed between Emily and Sam and ran straight to Quil. She had grown so much, Nessie didn't recognize her at first. Quil dropped his bag and closed the remaining distance in less than a second. He grabbed her under the arms and tossed her into the air before nearly crushing her in a bear-hug. Claire wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck then cried, "Oh Quilly, I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Claire Bear. You have no idea." Quil closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Nessie knew he was savoring her scent. When he opened his eyes they were locked on hers. Quil silently mouthed "thank you" before he turned and walked to Sam's group. Nessie once again felt a small stirring of pride for her part in making this reunion possible. She also felt a pang of nostalgia for the way she and Jake used to be like Quil and Claire. She didn't want to go back to just being best friends, but she did miss the easy, effortless way they used to relate to each other.

"JAKE!" Rachael pushed Nessie out of her way and wrapped her arms around her brother. Nessie tried not to let it bother her, but _damn it that was rude. _Jake laughed and hugged her back. _She is his sister. Of course he is happy to see her._ _I have no right to feel jealous._

"Oh my gosh, Rach! When did this happen?" Jake was grinning his face-splitting-ear-to-ear smile, but he was not smiling at Nessie. This smile was for his sister. Nessie gritted her teeth when Jake placed his huge hand on Rachael's round belly. She knew she was completely irrational but she was jealous. Horribly, blindingly, seeing-green, jealous.

As soon as she saw an opening, Nessie wormed her way back under Jake's arm, but he hardly noticed. He was completely enthralled with his sister's pregnant belly. "Hey Paul! Congratulations Man! This is awesome!"

Nessie had never felt intimidated by Jake's size. Ever. He was by far the largest of the group, but when she noticed Jared, Sam, and Paul's intense stares, she cowered against Jake's side. He gave her a reassuring one-armed hug, but his attention was focused on the other men.

Sam gripped Jake's shoulder. "We need to talk." His eyes darted to Nessie's for a split second before staring meaningfully at Jake. "Alone." Jake nodded in agreement, and Nessie felt another wave of jealousy and resentment wash over her. Already the Quileute's were trying to separate her from Jake.

She clung to him possessively even when Jake tried to unwrap his arm from around her shoulder. "Nessie let go. I'll be right back." She felt like he punched her in the solar plexis. Her breath escaped in a sudden "whoosh" and she couldn't remember how to inhale.

Nessie couldn't believe that Jake willingly left her standing alone in a crowd. She could forgive him for deserting her while they discussed their urgent and _secret _pack business. She could overlook a few minutes of back-slapping conviviality and joking around with his friends. But when Jake continued to ignore her, feelings of jealousy turned to betrayal.

What if a human got too close and triggered an episode of blood lust? What if Nahuel suddenly took an interest in her and tried to kidnap her again? What if she decided to just leave with her family and the people that really loved her without saying good-bye. Would he even notice?

Nessie turned and walked away from the boisterous and obnoxious group of Quileutes. She wrapped her arm around her Mother's waist and tried not to cry. "Renesmee Love, where's Jake?" She just shrugged her shoulders, not trusting her voice. She put her palm on Bella's cheek and replayed the last fifteen minutes.

Edward frowned and Nessie knew he was watching the rerun in Bella's mind. He pursed his lips and nodded. She didn't like this feeling of "Us versus Them". What ever happened to "Nessie and Jake" and nothing else matters? Hot tears stung her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. The sound of Jacob's gleeful laughter pierced her heart. He still hadn't noticed she was gone.

"Jasper." Edward whispered so low Nessie barely heard him, but Jasper's pure vampire ears got the message. Edward looked meaningfully at Nessie then nodded at Jake. Jasper paused and Nessie knew he was reading her mood.

Jasper winked at her, and then turned his back.

"NESSIE!" Jake's booming voice sounded panic-stricken. "NESSIE WHERE ARE YOU! Let go of me Sam. NESSIE!"

"Jake is getting close to phasing so you better let him know you're safe." Bella smiled and gave her a little push in the right direction.

"I'm over here Jake." She muttered under her breath. His head snapped up and he crossed the crowded room in two giant strides. He pulled her roughly into his chest and pressed her head over his pounding heart.

She was still angry with him, but she desperately wanted to kiss him. She wanted to show that pack of dogs that Jake belonged to her. She was reaching for his face when he pulled back and glared at her.

"Nessie, don't you ever do that to me again. Do you hear me? I felt like… like you were… _gone_."

What right did he have to be mad at her? He was the one that pried her hands off his arm and left her all alone.

_Serves you right you son of a bitch._

"WHAT? Are you mad at me?" Nessie realized too late that her palm was on his cheek. Jake grabbed her chin and forced her to look in his eyes. Her lower lip trembled like a small child's and fresh tears ran down her face.

Jake's expression softened and he cupped her head in his huge hands. He wiped away her tears and looked searchingly into her eyes. "What's wrong, Baby? What did I do?" Nessie was tempted to make him figure it out on his own, but he looked so vulnerable. Her palm was already on his cheek, so she showed him.

Jake kissed her palm and pulled her head back onto his chest. "I'm sorry Baby, you are always my top priority. You know I love you, right?" His heart was still pounding from the fright Jasper had given him, but it skipped a beat when she refused to answer him.

~***~

Jake walked with Nessie and her family to the parking garage. Jasper and Emmett had already loaded all the bags into the luggage rack on top so they were just waiting for everyone else to arrive. It took a few minutes to get everyone sorted into the two vehicles. Alice sat on Jasper's lap and Sophie sat on Emmett's, making it possible for eleven people to fit in one van.

Morgan insisted that baby Carl ride in an infant car-seat even though everyone tried to assure her it wasn't necessary since he was half vampire. You would think that one little human mother against more than a dozen vampires didn't stand a chance. They all waited patiently while Marcus fetched a car-seat from the rental booth.

Morgan and Marcus sat in the very back with screaming baby Carl safely buckled into his infant seat between them. Tanya climbed into the driver's seat with Nahuel beside her and Alejandro next to the window. Luca whined about not getting to sit next to Alejandro, but finally agreed to sit behind him. Nessie crawled in after her and scooted over to make room for Jake, but he didn't get in. He put his palms on the seat, leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Nessie, I have to meet with the council tonight. It looks like it's going to be a long meeting so I'll see you first thing tomorrow, okay." He didn't even wait for a response. He slid the door shut, tapped the roof of the van twice, and bounded off toward a rusty old pick-up truck.

Quil sat behind the wheel in the cab with Claire glued to his right side and his arm draped over her shoulder. Everyone else was sitting on a "U" shaped wooden bench that hugged the sides of the open-air truck bed. Jake vaulted over the tailgate and the truck rocked with the sudden impact. Sam and Jared were sitting on the bench next to the cab and slid apart making room for Jake in the exact center of the group. Nessie could hear them laughing and joking across the parking lot, even with the windows and doors of the van closed.

_I hope it rains all the way to La Push._

~***~

**A/N Leave a review before I post the next chapter and I will send you a preview.**


	37. A Message for Esme

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Chapter 37: A Message for Esme

Even though she slept on the plane, Nessie still felt tired and irritable. Watching Luca and Alejandro flirt all the way from Seattle to Forks didn't help either. She tried not to get her hopes up—that Jake would get finished with the council meeting in time to come say goodnight and hopefully apologize. She gave up when the digital display on her cell phone flashed from 12:59 to 1:00 AM.

Her tiny room in the cottage was even more cramped than the one in the tree house. Nessie felt a sudden pang of homesickness for the jungle. She tried to lie down on her bed, but her feet hung over the edge. _This must be what it feels like for Jake all the time._

Just thinking of him stirred up a confusing mixture of emotions. Nessie was still hurt and angry that Jake had deserted her at the airport. Why didn't he invite her to join them after Sam gave him his stupid secret message? The other imprints were present. Even Claire was included in their little reunion. Was it because she wasn't really "one of them"? If Jasper hadn't given him a little nudge, Jake might never have noticed she was gone.

Nessie was definitely mad at Jake, but damn it… she missed him. She considered just calling him, but didn't want to risk interrupting him if he were still at the council meeting. She also felt a little pathetic for being so needy.

She flipped over onto her stomach and punched her pillow a couple of times. _Oops…_ tiny white feathers exploded away from her fist. Nessie sighed loudly as they slowly drifted back down. The breath from her sigh sent some of them rushing back toward the ceiling. Nessie remembered the time she and Jake made a game out of trying to keep a couple of feathers airborne on the way home from hunting.

She closed her eyes and saw bright blue and red feathers floating above their heads. She felt beads of sweat form on the back of her neck and trickle down her back. She heard the music of their laugher, and smelled the rich mixture of moist soil, sweet fragrant flowers, and imminent rain. She smelled Jake's wonderful clean scent of snow-covered redwood, cedar, and pine, balanced by a hint of earthy masculinity and… motor oil?...

Nessie's eyes flew open as Jake silently crawled through her window. He put his finger over his lips signaling her to be quiet and nodded toward her parent's room. His huge frame barely fit through the window, yet he landed in the middle of her room without making a sound. Or so she thought.

They both froze when they heard Edward's muffled voice. "Sweet dreams, Nessie… you too, Jake. Oh, and be sure you return that can of oil to the garage tomorrow morning. The next time you want to lubricate a squeaky window, use graphite or coconut oil."

Nessie and Jake looked at each other—mouths open and eyes wide with shock—and tried not to laugh. Even though it was pointless and they had already been "caught" so to speak… they still whispered.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up, I know it's late, but I really needed to see you." Jake stroked Nessie's cheek and jaw with the back of his fingers. Nessie knew they needed to talk about what happened at the airport, but she needed to reconnect with Jake even more. She craved his touch like a drug.

"You didn't wake me up, Jacob. I can't sleep without you." She tried to pull him onto the bed beside her.

"There's no way that's going to work, Nessie. That bed's not even big enough for you. I'd probably break it if I tried to sit on it." Jake frowned. "That tiny impractical bed is probably the only reason Edward didn't come in here and rip my head off the moment I crawled in your window."

"Jake, you know my parents never sleep. Did you really believe you could sneak in my window unnoticed?"

"Actually the odds were in my favor tonight. When Edward and Bella are um… busy. They don't pay much attention to anything else."

Nessie pretended to gag herself which made Jake laugh. His eyes lit up, his smile widened into an impish grin, and he winked playfully at her.

"Ja-cob…" Nessie tried to warn him. She knew he was up to no good. But until he placed his hands on either side of her and bounced her up and down; she had no idea just how naughty he planned to be. The old bedsprings squeaked and groaned three times before Nessie's door flew open and Edward and Bella burst in.

"I think you need to get Nessie a new mattress, this one isn't firm enough to support her. She might get a back ache." Jake was fighting hard to maintain a straight face, but the corners of his mouth kept curling up. Nessie sucked her lips in to keep from laughing, but she wasn't fooling anyone.

Edward glared at Jacob, but he continued his charade of innocence. "Oh, I'm sorry Edward. We were trying to be quiet. We didn't mean to… interrupt anything." Jake winked at Bella and Nessie groaned.

Bella clutched her flimsy robe tightly across her chest. Edward adjusted his boxers and mumbled something about "kids not showing respect for their elders."

"Mom! Dad! Go put some clothes on. This is extremely awkward." Awkward situations were inevitable with teenagers for parents, but this was ridiculous. So was their pathetic attempt to protect her "virtue". She was going to have to talk to her parents about respecting her privacy. What if she and Jake had been kissing, or even something more intimate like…

"Renesmee! Please try to keep your thoughts pure. At least when I'm in the room." Edward looked embarrassed until he looked at Jake—then he just looked angry.

"That was not the least bit funny Jacob. I have half a mind to kick you out of here right now."

"Oh come on, Edward. I can't believe you fell for that. Weren't you reading my mind?"

"I was a little… distracted."

"Okay! That's enough. Jake and I are going up to the big house and you guys can… do what ever… I don't want to think about it." Nessie tugged on Jake's hand and led him to the window. "Come on Jake, let's get out of here."

The big house wasn't any better. In fact it was pretty much a repeat of last night at the hotel—crying children, whining teenagers, and frustrated adults. Jake and Nessie hesitated on the front porch, looked at each other, and shook their heads. "Come on Ness, we're going to La Push."

Nessie froze. "No, Jake. I don't want to go to La Push."

"Why not? It's got to be better than here. It's so chaotic in there, no one even noticed our arrival."

Nessie put her palm on Jake's cheek and showed him the hostility she felt at the airport. She also inadvertently showed him her fear of not being a suitable mate and the crazy way imprinting protected their relationship.

Jake closed his eyes and groaned. "First of all, Sam's pack wasn't being hostile. They look like that all the time." Jake ground his teeth and took a deep breath. "As for the rest of what you just showed me… I thought you worked through all that. You don't argue when I tell you that I love you… you even said 'I know'... so like a fool, I thought that meant you actually believed that I love you. Damn it Nessie! How can you still doubt my love for you?"

"Jake, I didn't mean to show you that last bit about imprinting. I am still working on it, okay? You don't need to worry about it."

"What the hell, Nessie? How am I supposed to not worry about it? And now you have this crazy idea that I am some sort of Native American royalty?"

"Well you _are_ full blood Native and a direct descendent of Taha Aki. Jasper even said, 'The blood of Taha Aki runs pure and undiluted through your veins even though it has passed through many generations before you'. Once it passes through me, it will be worse than diluted… it will be contaminated with venom."

Jake sighed and shook his head. "Nessie! Sweetheart, where the hell do you get these ideas?"

"Are you going to tell me that the elders won't mind that I'm half vampire? What about the rest of them? The people that don't know our secrets? Do you think they are going to be fine with you marrying a _white _girl? I don't have a single drop of Native blood in me. Do you honestly think no one will care?

Jake ran his hands through his hair and frowned. Nessie raised her eyebrows. "Okay, yeah, there will be a few radicals that won't approve, but most of my people are very open-minded."

"Jake, you just called them 'my people'. Don't you see? I am an outsider; even to you." Nessie felt her eyes burn with unshed tears.

"I don't believe this!" Jake gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. "You are not an outsider. You are my soul mate. If you don't belong on the rez, neither do I." He lowered his voice until it was barely a whisper and pleaded with his eyes. "I need you on my side, Nessie. If I can't convince you that it doesn't matter, how do you expect me to convince anyone else?"

Jake cupped her face in his palms and lifted her chin. "If you don't like living on the rez, or if our children don't feel accepted there, we'll leave." Nessie knew he would do anything for her, but how could she deny him his birthright?

"I mean it Nessie. Don't you get all noble on me and decide to leave me for my own good." Jake started to tremble. "You wouldn't do that, would you?"

Nessie took a deep breath and sighed. "No Jake, I'm too selfish to leave you." Nessie knew it was true the minute she said it. "I love you too much." Jake nearly crushed her as his embrace lifted her off the ground. Nessie forcefully filled her lungs and Jake loosened his arms letting her slide down his body until her feet were once again on solid ground.

"You are my life, Nessie. Without you, nothing else matters."

Jake leaned in to kiss her. It started out slow and gentle, but quickly deepened into a hungry, desperate kiss. The kind of kiss that said… "_Mine_." Jake tried to break the kiss, but Nessie chased his lips until they were out of reach.

Jake chuckled softly and leaned over to give her a soft peck on the mouth. "I have an idea Nessie. Come on…"

They held hands and ran to La Push. Jake led her into his old garage and dug around until he found what he was looking for. "It's not much, and it leaks, but it should give us a little privacy." Nessie smiled up at him. _Privacy sounds promising._

Jake was correct. The old tent leaked like a sieve, but it didn't matter. Jake kept her warm. They lay on top of the sleeping bags, using them for padding against the cold, wet, rock strewn beach.

They kissed and cuddled for an hour before falling asleep. Nessie dreamed of toffee-skinned children running through the forest, laughing and playing with raven-haired and russet-skinned friends. She dreamed of bonfires and primitive pulsing music. She dreamed of Jake's warm strong hands on her body. It was still dark when Nessie woke the first time. Jake's warm strong hands were indeed roaming all over her body.

"Jake, are you asleep?" He didn't answer so she rolled over and pushed him onto his back. He immediately started to snore. Nessie kissed his cheek, snuggled into his side, and draped one leg over his; pushing her knee between his thighs. "I swear Jacob Black, you are driving me crazy. I can't wait until we are married." She traced the contours of his chest with her fingertips until she drifted back to sleep.

Her dreams changed. "Renesmee, come here." She immediately recognized Carlisle's voice and dreamed that her spirit left her body just like Taha Aki. She left the tent and stood in front of Carlisle. He was so full of light; he turned the night to day. She opened her arms to embrace him but he stopped her. "No, Nessie. You must not touch me, even though I wish you could. I miss you."

Nessie felt tears run down her face. "I miss you too."

"I need your help, Renesmee. Will you help me?"

"Of course Carlisle. All you have to do is ask."

"I want you to find Esme. Use your gift to give her this message."

As soon as Carlisle delivered the message, Nessie woke up. She was inside the tent, in her physical body spooned next to Jacob. She sat up and dropped her head into her hands.

The dream seemed so real, more substantial and clear than any other dream, but she couldn't hold on to it. It faded until all she could remember was that she had dreamed of Carlisle. She decided it was her subconscious mind trying to process his loss. Nessie felt the pain and grief rattling around trying to break free. She buried it even deeper, cuddled up next to Jake, and immediately fell asleep.

Carlisle appeared to her again and gave her the same message. Nessie woke up again with the feeling that she had actually seen, heard, and spoken to Carlisle. Again, it faded from her mind. She felt uneasy, as if she were missing something vitally important. It was a little harder to talk herself into believing it was nothing more than a dream, and a lot harder to fall back to sleep.

The third time Carlisle appeared, he was distressed. He repeated the message and when Nessie promised to deliver it, he actually yelled at her. "There isn't much time. Esme is at the other end of the beach. Tell Jacob to phase into his wolf form. Now go!"

Nessie woke with a start and this time Jacob was wide-awake. "Nessie, what's going on?"

"I don't know, phase into your wolf form and get me to the other end of the beach!"

Jake didn't question her strange demand, but immediately complied. Nessie jumped on his back and they flew down the beach. She remembered a little more of the dream this time. She knew she had to find Esme. Nessie smelled smoke, and without knowing why, the scent caused her heart to clench in fear. _Esme! _She had to give her a message—it was more than urgent. If she failed, the consequences would be dire.

They saw the blaze of a huge bonfire when they rounded the last curve. A small silhouette stood backlit against the fire—head lifted to the sky and arms outstretched in supplication. _Esme! _She must have been too deep in her own thoughts to notice their approach.

Nessie watched, helpless and horrified as Esme pressed her own fingernails into her flesh and raked her arm from shoulder to wrist. The sound of screeching metal drowned out Nessie's screams. "NO! ESME STOP!"

Pounding down the beach at full speed, Jake threw back his head and howled. Esme finally sensed their presence and slowly turned around. Venom leaked out of the horrible self-inflicted wound and Nessie understood what her grandmother intended to do. She understood the awful purpose of the bonfire. Venom was highly flammable.

Jake roared and lunged at Esme, knocking her to the ground away from the fire. Her eyes were wide and wild. She hissed and snarled at Jake as Nessie slid to the ground.

"What are you waiting for? I have trespassed onto Quileute land. I broke the treaty. It is your duty to kill me! Kill me now!" Jake growled at her and shook his head. "Then stand aside and let me end this misery. I can NOT go on without him. I can't."

Nessie approached her cautiously with her arms low and hands open in front of her. Esme's venom coated nails were a lethal weapon and Nessie wasn't sure Esme even knew who she was anymore. "Esme, I have something to show you. It's important… please, just let me show you."

Esme froze and didn't move until Nessie placed her palms on her cheeks. As soon as she touched her, the vision came alive. Nessie was again standing in front of Carlisle at the other end of the illuminated beach. Esme gasped and placed her cold hands over Nessie's, pressing them securely against her face. Nessie had never experienced anything so powerful. Esme clutched Nessie's hands even harder, and whispered his name… _"Carlisle."_

"My dearest Esme, you must keep your promise. I would go to the farthest reaches of hell to find you, but there are… rules. I am breaking one of them by interfering now. Be brave, my love and we shall be together again."

The vision lost a little of its brightness around the edges, and Carlisle's voice seemed a little more distant…

"Tell Edward he must finish my work. The solution to the problem is in my notes. We were so close. A new era is dawning for our kind; the time is at hand. Share my vision with everyone that attends the gathering in Alaska.

"Our family needs a strong leader now. You will forever be the heart and soul of our family, Esme. But you do not need to carry the burden of leadership. Give Jasper your support and the others will follow. Remind him that Alejandro needs a father just as much as Luca."

Carlisle began to speak faster and with more urgency, as if he were running out of time.

"Rosalie, trust Jacob. Abide by his counsel if you want your daughter to be free.

"Jacob, what you seek belongs to Renesmee."

"Marcus, grant Morgan the secret desire of her heart before you change her."

"Please tell our children it was an honor, a privilege, and a tremendous source of joy to be their father."

The vision began to fade even more quickly. Carlisle's image grew dim until he disappeared completely. Nessie strained to hear his parting words.

"I love you my darling Esme, and I am with you always." Esme inhaled deeply and Nessie noticed the scent in the air… old leather, apples, and a hint of clove… _Carlisle_

~***~

**A/N Leave a review before I post the next chapter and I will send you a preview.**


	38. Deja vu

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

_Previously: _

"I love you my darling Esme, and I am with you always." Esme inhaled deeply and Nessie noticed the scent in the air… old leather, apples, and a hint of clove… _Carlisle_

Chapter 38: Déjà vu

"Nessie, please show me again." Esme clung to her hands, refusing to let them leave her face. Nessie tried, but it was impossible. The memory of Carlisle's message was barely there.

His image was just… an image. _He _was gone. Nessie tried to recapture the perfect sound of his voice, the love and compassion that radiated from his very being—but it was gone. All that remained was a pale imitation, as if she were trying to see him through a heavy fog or veil of mist.

Esme dropped her hands from Nessie's and pulled her into a very cold, hard embrace. "Thank you." Esme released her and kissed her forehead.

"I'm so sorry Esme; I can't seem to hold on to it." Even the words of his message were starting to disappear. Nessie concentrated so hard she gave herself a headache, but it was useless. "I don't understand! I usually have perfect recall, why can't I remember this dream?"

Esme embraced her again, but this time it was a soft, gentle embrace. She stroked her hair and whispered in her ear, "You can't remember this dream because it was not a dream. It was a vision.

"Perhaps you can't remember the vision because it was not meant for you? Carlisle did mention something about 'rules'. For some reason he couldn't communicate directly with me. You have always been spiritually sensitive, Renesmee. Your impressive meditation skills alone are proof of that. Because of this spiritual sensitivity, Carlisle was able to communicate directly with you. Because of your unique gift, you were able to share his message with me.

Esme inhaled deeply again and exhaled his name… "_Carlisle"_

"Oh Nessie, do you know what this means?" Nessie shook her head and Esme laughed. It was not a humorous laugh, or even the maniacal laughter of insanity (which would be understandable, all things considered). No, this laughter was the sound of pure joy.

"Carlisle lives. He still exists. Somewhere my beloved waits for me to join him." Esme took another deep breath and her eyes shone with rapture as she whispered, "He is with me, always."

~***~

Esme took Nessie's hand and demanded she follow her back to the big house in Forks. "Hurry Nessie. I have so much to tell everyone. There is so much to do."

Nessie looked over her shoulder at Jake who had phased and dressed while she talked with Esme.

"Go on Sweetheart, I'll join you as soon as we get this fire out." Nessie's eyes widened when both wolf packs emerged from the forest carrying buckets. The only one missing was Leah. They quickly, but calmly, formed two lines from the ocean's edge to the huge bonfire. Sam stood in the freezing surf past his knees and filled the buckets as they handed them to him then passed them to the next person in line. Even with werewolf strength and speed, it was going to take quite a while to extinguish this blaze.

"Jake, there is no danger whatsoever of this fire spreading. Why not let it burn itself out?"

"We build bonfires to celebrate, Nessie. This fire had an evil purpose." She shuddered and squeezed Esme's hand.

"Okay Jake, I'll see you back at the big house when you're done."

"Sure, sure." Jake took his place at the head of the line next to the blistering inferno and launched the first bucketful of water. It instantly evaporated with a loud hiss into a cloud of steam. It did not seem to affect the fire at all. The sky began to lighten from black to grey and Nessie knew it would be hours before she saw Jacob again. She quickly pressed her lips against his back between his shoulder blades and whispered, "I love you, Jacob."

"I love you too, Nessie."

Nessie could barely keep up with Esme as they ran through the forest. "Grandma, I'm only half vampire, slow down."

Esme didn't slow down at all, as she laughed and swung Nessie onto her back. "Hang on, Love." The sudden acceleration took Nessie's breath away.

"Jasper, gather the others. I have wonderful news." Esme called, as soon as the house was in view. Everyone was waiting for them in the front yard when they arrived.

~***~

The family had mixed reactions to Esme's news. Rose, Emmett, and Alice accepted what she said immediately without question. Their joy matched Esme's. Edward questioned her repeatedly and frowned as he read her mind. It was obvious he thought grief had driven her to the brink of insanity.

Nessie tried to focus on something else, but the horrible memory of Esme mutilating her arm and trying to incinerate herself was impossible to repress. A brief flash of shock and horror crossed Edward's face and Nessie's heart sank. "_Please don't tell anyone Daddy. I promised Esme I would keep her secret."_ Edward looked at her and slowly dropped his chin, signaling he would honor her request.

It was impossible to tell what Jasper and Bella thought. They simply listened and observed.

Nessie still couldn't recall the vision in her own mind, but as she listened to Esme repeat the message out loud, she knew it was true. She had no problem remembering Esme's words. At least she could retain the content of the message if not the actual vision.

"Edward. Stop it. I am not crazy. Did you even hear what I said? Carlisle wants you to continue his work. He said the solution to the problem was in his notes. What were you two working on?"

"We were working on several things, Esme. I have no idea what you're talking about." Edward sounded frustrated and confused. Nessie wished he would stop being so stubborn.

"Daddy, have a little faith. The other part of the message mentioned a new era for our kind. Were you and Carlisle working on anything that could profoundly affect the future of vampires?"

"Yes, but we kept running into dead ends. We thought we were close many times, but something would invariably go wrong."

"What was it?" Nessie was excited and extremely curious.

"Carlisle and I agreed not to discuss it with anyone else unless we succeeded. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up for something that has proven to be impossible to achieve."

"Daddy! Would you please listen to yourself? Carlisle said the solution is in his notes. Go find his notes for what ever it is you were working on. At least try."

Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "All right Nessie, I guess it can't hurt to look through his notes." He turned and trudged slowly upstairs to Carlisle's study. Nessie heard the ripping sound of packing tape separating from cardboard and smiled.

"Esme, do you have any idea what Carlisle meant when he said that I had to trust Jacob for Sophie to be free?" Rosalie looked annoyed and worried at the same time.

"I'm sorry Rose, I don't. I'm sure his meaning will become clear when the time is right."

"Grandma, do you have any idea what he was talking about when Carlisle said to tell Jacob that I have what he needs?" Emmett snickered and Rose smacked the back of his head.

Esme smiled and laughed softly. "What he actually said was, 'Tell Jacob what he seeks belongs to Renesmee'. I'm sorry Nessie. I have no idea." Nessie frowned as she pondered the meaning of the cryptic message. _What is Jake looking for? What do I have that he could possibly need? _Nessie was deep in thought so she barely noticed when Alice gently took her hand.

Alternating waves of pride, doubt, love, and insecurity washed over Nessie. She was confused until she heard Alice whisper, "You are a wonderful leader, Jasper. It is only natural Carlisle would place the care of his family in your hands. Alejandro is a good boy; I already love him like a son. You will too." Nessie felt the overwhelming weight of too much responsibility settle on her shoulders.

As soon as she let go of Alice's hand, Nessie felt instant relief. Alice still had one arm wrapped around her husband's waist. She had been acting like a conduit straight to Nessie. Wow. All of those mixed emotions belonged to Jasper. She felt a new appreciation for his gift. He had helped her so many times over the years. It's too bad no one could help him. Unless… Nessie put her palm on Jasper's cheek and projected trust, faith, gratitude, admiration, love and respect.

Jasper's eyes widened, his lips parted and he took a deep breath before turning his gaze upon her. Nessie seemed to see him for the first time. Jasper was so _young. _Sure, he had been in existence for well over a century, fought in the Southern Vampire wars and even achieved the rank of Major in the confederate army. Jasper was a natural leader even when human. But leading an army was much different from leading a family. Jasper was only twenty years old when he was turned. No wonder he felt overwhelmed. Nessie projected confidence, courage, and hope.

She flashed multiple images of Jasper as he helped and guided the family even before Carlisle's death. She showed how much Luca had already improved. She lingered on the image of Jasper's pale hand juxtaposed against Jake's dark skin and showed him the amazing transformation of Jake's countenance when he helped him to his feet and told him to "stand tall". _"We need you, Jasper."_

Jasper didn't say a word, but he caught her fingers as she removed her palm from his face. His eyes never left hers as he kissed the back of her hand like a true southern gentleman. Alice's eyes glazed over as she witnessed some future event. Her smile slowly spread over her face as she closed her eyes and whispered, "Yes, that's much better."

~***~

The rest of the morning was quiet and peaceful as everyone pondered Carlisle's message. At least until the children woke up. The first thing out of Sophie's mouth was "Where's Embry?" Nessie steeled herself for the coming tempest.

"Sophie Darling, Embry is at his house. Don't you want Mommy to help you get dressed? See the pretty ribbons, you may choose which one you want and I will tie it in your hair."

"NO! No ribbons! I want my Embry. I want my Embry NOW!"

"But Sophie Sweetheart, you are still wearing your pajamas. You don't want Embry to see you in your pajamas do you?"

"Yes. I do. My pajamas have butterflies all over. Embry likes butterflies. I want Embry NOW!"

"Sophie." Rose lost her syrupy-sweet singsong mommy voice and Nessie was incredibly grateful. "I already told you, Embry is not here."

"Go get him. NOW!" Sophie's voice was rising in pitch as well as volume.

"I can't go get him, Sophie. Embry lives on the reservation and we are not allowed to go there."

"Why?"

"Because the people that live there don't like us."

"Embry likes _me_!"

"I know he does Sweetheart. But he doesn't like Mommy, or Daddy, or Auntie Alice, or Uncle Jasper, or Grandma…"

"Rosalie that is not the least bit accurate, nor is it helpful."

"Shut up Jasper, and quit trying to tell me how to raise my daughter. I don't need your help!"

"Okay, Rose. I'll stop helping right now." _Oh boy… _Nessie covered her ears, but it didn't help much.

"EMBRY!.... I WANT MY EMBRY, NOW!..." Sophie cranked the volume all the way up and her shrill voice was like an ice pick through Nessie's ears.

"Oh for cryin' out loud, in the name of all things holy can you please just call Embry and tell him to get over here? Carl was up half the night and I just got him to sleep." Morgan was not happy.

"Morgan my love, go back to sleep. I'll take the baby for a walk until he settles down." Marcus had the right idea. Nessie decided a walk was just what she needed as well.

"As if that would do me any good at all with Rosie's little banshee wailing at the top of her lungs. Thanks, but no thanks… I'll be taking the babe for a walk myself. You may join us if you like, but I'm getting out of here."

"Of course, Love." The newly weds didn't even say 'good morning' when they came downstairs with their howling baby. Nessie didn't blame them.

"George, come back here you naked little monkey!" Emmett's demand was followed by the sound of breaking glass. _Yeah, it was definitely time to go._

"If Jake shows up, tell him I went for a walk and to come find me."

Nessie took a running leap off the porch but was snatched out of the air by a huge pair of well muscled, russet brown arms. "Gotcha!"

"Jake! You scared me. How did you manage to sneak up on me?"

"I got some serious skills Babe, you know that." Nessie giggled when Jake whispered in her ear; his breath tickling the back of her neck.

"So… how about we go for a walk and you can show me some of those skills you are so proud of." Nessie spun around in his arms to face him. She nipped at his ear, and then nibbled her way across his jaw to his soft sensuous lips.

Jake growled into her mouth and Nessie forgot that they were standing in the front yard. She ran her hands over his back and arched her body into his. Jake grabbed her hips and pulled her roughly against him.

"Hey Jake, Buddy… do you have a death wish or something."

Nessie and Jake jumped apart, but quickly recovered. Jake wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled the top of her head with his chin.

"Hey Embry. Someone missed you last night." Nessie knew her face was beet red, but she tried to act normal.

"So I hear."

"Yeah, you and everyone else in a ten mile radius." Jake added.

Embry didn't even slow down or bother to knock on the door. "Where's my Sophie girl?

"EMBRY!... MOMMA, MY EMBRY'S HERE!"

Rose growled and muttered something highly inappropriate for a child to overhear.

"Rose, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't talk like that in front of…"

Jake closed his eyes and groaned one second before Nessie heard the sickening crunch of splintering bones.

"Damn it, Blondie! That's the third time this month my nose's been broken."

Rose's angry snarl ended abruptly in a surprised hiss of pain.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!... Sophie Sweetheart, we do not bite Momma."

"Momma Sweetheart, we do not hit Embry!" Sophie's amazingly accurate impersonation of Rosalie triggered a medley of bell-toned laughter which echoed through the house and surrounding forest.

~***~

"Oh crap! I didn't notice the radio tracking device when I took down this cat." What started out as a walk quickly turned into a hunting trip when Nessie crossed the scent trail of a mountain lion.

Jake laughed. "Would it have mattered?"

"No, probably not. You know how it is once I'm in hunting mode." Nessie still felt bad about messing up someone's research project. "How long have they been tagging mountain lions around here?"

"I don't know, I think it must be something fairly new. I'll ask around and see what's going on."

"I hope they aren't going to be off limits. I didn't remember deer blood tasting quite so bland."

"Well, you could try to eat normal food…"

"Gross Jake! Don't make me puke." Nessie made a disgusted face, and quickly changed the subject. "So Jake, what do you think about Carlisle's message? Do you believe it's real?"

"There was a lot of specific information in that message, Nessie. If Edward finds what he's looking for, it will be hard for anyone to deny the reality of your vision."

"It wasn't really 'my' vision. I was just the messenger. I wish I could remember the experience, and not just Esme's interpretation. I _really_ wish we could figure out what Carlisle's message to you meant."

"When it comes to spiritual or mystical things… it can't be forced or rushed. You have to be patient."

"Arrrgh! How can you be so pragmatic about the whole thing? This is driving me crazy!"

Jake looked into her eyes and Nessie's heart sped up. She was still excited from the hunt, so other primal urges were easily awakened. "Maybe I can take your mind off of it for awhile." He handed her his water bottle. Nessie rinsed and spit the last traces of blood out of her mouth. Jake stood in front of her, with only inches separating them, and slowly screwed the cap back on.

Being so close without actually touching was extremely erotic. Nessie could feel his body heat radiating onto her skin. She felt his breath on her head and face. She inhaled his glorious scent and the need to touch him was unbearable.

Jake was trembling when he slowly raised his hand to caress her cheek. Nessie sensed the raw power of the wolf so carefully controlled behind his gentle touch—and longed to release it. It took all of her self-control to stand still. She wanted to throw Jake on the ground and crawl on top of him.

Jake finally cupped her cheeks with his hands and slowly brought their mouths together. His lips were so soft and gentle. Nessie did not want soft and gentle. She grabbed his face with both hands and quickly deepened the kiss. Jake responded in kind and ran his tongue between her lips begging entrance.

She knew her palms were on Jake's cheeks but she didn't care. She also knew she was projecting fantasies that were more appropriate for their wedding night, but she simply did not care. Jake groaned into her mouth and swept her off her feet without breaking the kiss. He lowered them both to the ground and in a matter of seconds; she was on her back with Jake on top of her.

He held his weight off her with one hand and ran the other over her body. She realized Jake was doing what ever she projected almost simultaneously. Nessie needed to feel Jake under her hands and he pulled his shirt out of his jeans to give her access to his chest, back and rock hard belly. His muscles contracted under her hands as she slipped them inside his shirt.

Jake growled and flipped onto his back. Nessie tried to crawl on top of him, but he grabbed her hips and held her on her side. She realized her mistake. When she moved her hands from his face to his chest, she lost her advantage. She tried to put her palms back on his cheeks, but Jake grabbed her wrists, kissed her palms, and said, "I don't think so Sweetheart."

She embarrassed herself by whimpering. Jake ran his hand through her curls and kissed her briefly on the mouth. "I love kissing you and holding you, Nessie… but this is too much."

"I disagree. It's not nearly enough." Nessie didn't know where her audacity was coming from.

Jake chuckled. "It will have to be for now. You have no idea how close I came to ripping your clothes off. I can just see me trying to explain that to your parents."

"I am sick and tired of worrying about my parents! This is so screwed up! How many young adults in their twenties would even listen to a couple of teenagers, much less obey them?

"Of course it's screwed up. Why wouldn't it be?" Jake shook his head and laughed. "There's nothing normal about your family, Ness."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Come on Nessie, you have to admit the Cullen Clan would be a huge hit on the "Jerry Springer Show" even without the whole blood sucking thing."

Nessie harrumphed and rolled onto her back, away from Jake. "Not nearly as big a hit as 'I was in love with my girlfriend's mother and wanted to kill her before she was born'."

Nessie knew she had gone too far when she heard Jake's heart skip a beat. She rolled back over and tried to put her hand on his cheek, but he was already on his feet and walking toward La Push.

"Jake! Wait! I'm sorry. I know that was out of line. It was just a reaction to what you said. You hurt my feelings too, you know!"

Jake threw his hands in the air and kept walking. "Whatever Ness."

"Why do you always run away from me when we argue? Be a man for once, Jacob."

He turned around, and glared at her. His eyes were pure black and his face turned from copper brown to a dark shade of rust. Jake was practically vibrating and very close to phasing. Nessie pictured Emily's scars and was afraid.

Her fear must have been evident on her face because Jake screamed at her, "I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU," before he exploded out his clothes and ran into the forest. She heard his plaintive howl in the distance and knew she would never be able to catch him, but she had to try.

She followed his scent into the Quileute's forest and hoped she wasn't violating the treaty by entering uninvited. Jake was heading north. She ran until she couldn't run anymore. His scent became less evident with each passing mile but she pressed on. Nessie didn't know when she passed into Canada but it must have been several hours ago. She was so tired. She had to stop. When she did, all the pain and grief she had buried broke free and overwhelmed her.

Even if Carlisle still existed, he didn't exist _here_. Even if Jake still wanted her, could they ever learn to stop hurting each other? Were they too different to make it work? They weren't even the same species.

Nessie thought about the couples in her family. They _never _fought, not like this anyway. Sure Rose and Emmett argued all the time and Emmett made a game out of irritating Rose, but they never had to chase each other into a different country.

Alice and Jasper were always perfectly in tune with each other. Even when Alice disobeyed Jasper's order to stay hidden, he was worried not angry. Her parents disagreed sometimes, but they never actually fought with each other.

For the first time in her life, Nessie wondered what it would be like to love someone besides Jake. Someone that understood her. Someone that really _knew _her…

At first Nessie was so stunned she just stood there with her mouth hanging open. Then she felt sick and dizzy. She sank to her knees and curled up into a little ball on the ground. She didn't even cry. Right or wrong, she could never love anyone but Jake.

It was almost dark when something cold and wet pushed against her hand. Nessie's eyes sprang open and she recognized the coal black wolf that was so rudely sniffing her. _Sam._

He trotted off into the forest then returned in his human form muttering something about "déjà vu". He picked her up, and grumbled, "Like mother, like daughter," then started running south. Nessie's temper returned.

"Put me down, jackass." Sam froze, then grinned at her. _Weird._

"Well, you're not so much like your mom after all. At least you have a little spunk."

"My mom has plenty of 'spunk' now put me down!"

Sam set her gently on her feet. "Do you want to tell me why you are halfway across Canada?"

"No, as a matter of fact I do not." Nessie started brushing leaves, grass, and dirt off her clothes and walked away from Sam.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Nessie recognized the tone of voice.

"That Alpha crap doesn't work on me, Sam Uley." Nessie was proud of herself for not letting him intimidate her.

"Sorry Nessie. I don't mean to boss you around, but you _are_ going the wrong way."

_Crap. _ "What makes you think I want to go home?"

"Oh. You don't want to go home?"

Nessie's pride gave way to misery. She sat on a nearby log and didn't even try to hide the tears running down her face.

"Awe gee, don't cry. Crap. Now what am I supposed to do?" Sam sounded completely out of his element, which only made Nessie cry harder. He squatted on the ground beside her and started to pat her head.

Nessie batted his hand away. "I am not a _dog."_

Sam held his hands up, palms out, and looked even more bewildered. "Look Nessie, I don't have a cell phone so I can't call anyone to come get you." He looked hopeful for a moment. "Do you?"

"No." Nessie's phone was on her nightstand back at the cottage.

Sam swore quietly. "So, we only have a couple of options… I can go wolf and let you ride me back home, or… I can go wolf and tell the pack to call someone for you." _Huh. So Sam's pack uses tell-a-wolf too._

"Where the hell is Jake?" Nessie wondered why he had not come to find her.

Sam scratched his head and avoided her eyes. "We don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I MEAN WE DON'T KNOW. Embry was on patrol when Jake phased after your ridiculous fight." Nessie blushed. She had forgotten about the lack of privacy. _Damn it! Stupid mind-reading werewolves._

"Jake likes to run when he gets really pissed off and we've learned to stay out of his head when's mad. He phased back to human a couple of hours ago, so there's no way to contact him." Sam glared at her and Nessie's lip quivered. She tried to blink back the tears but they spilled over anyway. "Awe geeze, I'm sorry. Don't cry. Please, don't cry. Jake will be back by tomorrow morning at the latest. He has to meet with the elders again."

"What are you doing here, Sam? Did my family call you?" Nessie was suddenly overcome with guilt. She hated to think she was adding to her already overburdened family's worries.

"I don't think anyone knows you're missing yet. I'm sure Jake wouldn't have left you out here to fend for yourself if he had any idea you had followed him this far. To answer your first question… I was on patrol, and I crossed your trail. I already knew about the fight so I figured you were tracking Jake. I was afraid you might get lost, so I decided I better check on you."

"I am NOT lost, Sam Uley! I am perfectly capable of following my own scent trail back home. I just got tired and needed to rest for awhile." Nessie _was _tired. She wasn't sure she could make it home before her parents started to panic.

"Okay, okay. Listen, I know you don't like me very much, and I understand why. I'm sorry I wasn't very friendly at the airport, but we have a lot of stuff going on at the rez right now and I needed to talk to Jake. It wasn't anything personal."

Sam sighed and scratched his head again. "I don't want to insult you, but it is getting late and people will start to wonder where you are. At least let me phase and tell the pack to call your parents, you know… let them know you are safe. If you want to get home tonight, the fastest way is on my back."

Nessie closed her eyes and nodded her head. "Yeah, I want to get home tonight." Sam slipped behind a tree and phased.

It felt strange to ride a wolf that was not Jake. Sam's gait was not as smooth or fast, but he was definitely faster than Nessie. They had been running for about two hours when Sam slowed to a walk then stopped.

"What's going on, Sam? Are you okay? Do you want me to get off?"

Sam whined and Nessie slid off his back. He sat on his haunches and stared into the forest. Nessie's heart threatened to leap out of her chest when Jake walked into view.

Sam got up and trotted over to him. He nudged Jake's shoulder with his nose then took off at a full run towards home.

Nessie's heart was still hammering and she knew Jake could hear it. His was beating faster than normal as well. She was hurt, angry, and incredibly glad to see him.

"So…" Jake was the first to speak.

Nessie suddenly felt shy and awkward. "Yeah… So."

"Do you want to talk, or just go home?" Jake bit his lower lip.

"What do you want to do?"

Jake smiled and then grinned. "I asked you first."

Nessie laughed softly. "Talk, I guess."

"Kay."

It was awkwardly silent for a full two minutes; then they both started talking at the same time… "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm such an idiot. We both are…

"I love you."

"I love you."

"I know."

"I know."

All the awkwardness disappeared and they fell into each other's arms. Jake pressed her head against his pounding heart and kissed her hair. Nessie wrapped her arms around his waist and held him as tight as she could.

"What happened Jake? How did that escalate so fast? We were having such a great time and then 'bam' out of nowhere we are so angry with each other that we wind up in Canada."

"I don't know Ness. Maybe it's because there is so much going on right now. Everything is changing so fast. We are both under a lot of pressure."

"Yeah, Sam mentioned there was a lot going on at the rez. Can you share some of that with me? Maybe I can help."

"I'm not supposed to… but you know what? You are my freakin' fiancé so if there is anything they don't want you to know, they really shouldn't tell me either."

"I don't want you to get in trouble, Jake."

He laughed. "Too late."

"What do you mean?"

Jake exhaled loudly. "I don't want to cause any more problems between us."

Nessie's stomach twisted with anxiety, but she knew if they were going to work things out she had to face their problems head on. She propped her chin on his chest, between his pecs and looked into his eyes.

"It's okay Jake. I promise not to freak out."

He smiled sadly, but nodded. "You always keep your promises, Nessie. That's one of the things I love about you."

"So… what's going on, Jacob?"

"Well, do you remember at the meeting in Rose and Emmett's room, back at the hotel? Esme mentioned that Charlie and Sue were organizing a memorial for Carlisle's 'warm-blooded' friends?"

Nessie frowned, not understanding how that could be a problem. "Yeah, so?"

"Do you remember what she said about Billy planning something special?"

Nessie nodded her head, making Jake twitch. Her moving chin must have tickled him. She couldn't resist doing it again. Jake laughed and his upper body jerked. "Hey, that tickles."

"Sorry, you were saying…" Nessie regretted interrupting him.

"S'okay Nessie. I kind of liked it." He grinned at her; then continued. "Billy wants to make Carlisle an honorary member of the Quileute tribe."

Nessie's breath hitched in her chest and her eyes filled with tears. "Oh Jacob, that's wonderful!"

"Yeah, I thought so too." Jake's eyebrows drew together and the corners of his mouth turned down.

"Is that a problem?"

"For some people, yeah it's a big problem."

"Why?" Nessie was fairly certain she already knew the answer, but wanted to give Jake the opportunity to explain.

"Everyone agreed that Carlisle was a great man and that he did a lot to help our people over the years. As you know, he was the one that wrote the original treaty that allowed us to coexist peacefully with the Cullens."

"Okay, so what's the problem?"

"Half of the council voted 'no' simply because he was a 'cold one'." Jake gritted his teeth.

"I see." Nessie saw all too clearly. Half of the council. Not one or two people but HALF of the council was so prejudiced against vampires that they voted against honoring a great man. They were so blinded by _what_ he was that it didn't matter _who_ he was. She couldn't help but wonder if imprinting would be enough to satisfy those bigots.

Nessie pushed hard against the rising resentment. "So how come you are in trouble?"

"I cast the deciding vote. Carlisle will be granted honorary membership into our tribe."

Nessie let go of his waist and threw her arms around his neck. "Oh Jacob, thank you."

Jake rubbed her back for a moment then slipped his hands down to her hips.

"So how much trouble is this going to cost you?" Nessie didn't know much about tribal politics, but it couldn't be all that different from any other kind.

"Some of them might try to vote me off the council. No big deal."

"Jake! That's a huge deal! Do you think they will… vote you off, I mean?"

"Not right now. They don't have a majority vote, but when Old Quil passes, they'll push to get someone sympathetic to their cause on the council."

Nessie sighed and kissed Jake's cheek. He kissed her right back and they slowly kissed their way onto each other's lips. Nessie's hands were already wrapped around Jake's neck so it was only natural one of them would find it's way onto his cheek.

She carefully projected only the things she wanted Jake to receive… love, gratitude, and respect.

~***~

18


	39. Carlile Remembered

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Chapter 39

Nessie didn't know what to expect. She thought there would have been some sort of special ceremony to induct Carlisle into the Quileute tribe. There wasn't. Old Quil simply held up a sheet of paper, told everyone it certified that Dr. Carlisle Cullen was an honorary member of the tribe, then handed it to Esme. That was all there was to it.

When Old Quil and Esme sat down, Billy rolled to the front of the crowd and parked his chair next to the poster-sized photo of Carlisle. His deep voice carried to the very back of the gathering and needed no amplification.

"Carlisle Cullen had the most generous heart of any man I have ever known. His many donations to the tribal school and other projects continue to bless the lives of the Quileute people. Most of you are unaware of his contributions because Carlisle was also a humble man. He did not seek nor want the praise most men desire, but wished to remain anonymous." Billy glanced at the Urn and Carlisle's portrait. "I am sorry my old friend, but it is time for you to be recognized."

Billy took a deep breath before continuing. "Many years ago my son Jacob nearly died after a motorcycle accident." Nessie knew the "motorcycle accident" was just the public story told to explain Jake's injuries after he was crushed by a newborn vampire. "Carlisle happened to be nearby when the accident occurred. He saved Jacob's life, and that alone is reason enough to honor him." Billy's eyes glistened and he cleared his throat before continuing.

"What many of you do not know is that Dr. Cullen was the unknown benefactor that built the La Push Urgent Care Center after Jacob's accident. The generous trust fund he set up will insure its doors remain open for generations to come. When the council voted to make Carlisle an honorary member of the Quileute tribe, we also voted to change the name of the La Push Urgent Care Center to the Carlisle Cullen Memorial Urgent Care Center."

Nessie felt her heart swell with pride for her grandfather. _The Carlisle Cullen Memorial Urgent Care Center had a nice ring to it. _Her gaze fell upon the large urn that held her grandfather's ashes and suddenly the new name of the health care center didn't sound so pleasing. The name Carlisle Cullen should not be next to the word _Memorial_. Abruptly and without warning all the grief and misery she had so carefully locked away and buried broke free and overwhelmed her.

The agony was even more intense than she feared it would be. Jake was already holding her hand so when she clutched at the excruciating pain in her chest, she drew his hand over her heart. Jake whipped his head to the side and stared at her with concern. Nessie's body shook with the effort of controlling her emotions. When she looked to Jasper for help, his eyes were already locked upon her. She silently begged for his assistance, but he shook his head "no" and whispered too low for normal human hearing, "It's okay Nessie. Feel it and then let it go. It's okay to cry."

"I don't want to _feel _it. It hurts, damn it!" she whispered right back.

"I know Darlin' but it won't get better until you do." Nessie put her palm on Jake's cheek and he immediately pulled her onto his lap. She didn't care if it was childish. She didn't care if it was socially unacceptable. She didn't care about anything except the comfort only Jake could give her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and sobbed.

When Billy was done speaking, he invited anyone that wished to do so, to come to the front and share their memories of Carlisle. Dr. Gerandy from the hospital and several of the nurses told some funny stories, or at least Nessie assumed they were funny since people laughed. She had a hard time focusing on anything except breathing.

Jake wiped her face and rubbed soothing circles on her back. He kissed the top of her head and repeatedly whispered into her hair. "It's okay, Nessie... Go ahead and cry... I'm right here, Baby... I've got you..."

By the time her grandpa Charlie finished his short speech Nessie's sobs had quieted to an occasional hiccup. She knew her eyes were red and puffy so she dug her sunglasses out of her purse and put them on. Now she matched everyone else in her family. Sunglasses were almost as effective at hiding impossibly youthful faces as red-rimmed and tear-filled eyes.

No one questioned them when the vampires all left immediately following the service. Nessie knew Jake wanted to stay and talk with his friends as well as sample all of the food everyone brought to share. "Jake, I'm fine now. Go ahead and get something to eat. I'll wait for you at the big house so come find me after everyone leaves."

"Ness, I'm not going to leave you while you're so upset."

"Seriously Jake, I'm okay… just really tired. I need a nap, so why don't you spend some time with your friends. I'm going to want your full attention when I wake up." Nessie stood on her toes and Jake leaned down to sweetly brush his lips across hers.

"Are you sure?" Jake looked in her eyes and Nessie sighed.

"Yes Jake, I'm sure." He still insisted on walking her the short distance to the house. Nessie climbed the first step and turned around to give Jake one more kiss. With the added height, Nessie was almost as tall as Jacob. They stared at each other without speaking for several minutes just basking in the love and adoration reflected in each other's eyes.

Jake slowly stroked her cheek before leaning in to kiss her. They had shared countless kisses since their first one on the riverbank, but none had come as close as this one did to matching its tenderness and purity. She was still physically attracted to Jake, but she didn't feel the desperate need for _more _that recently accompanied every kiss. She felt… _loved._

~***~

Nessie was more than just tired. She was drained. Alice and Jasper were already comforting each other in Jasper's room. Nessie knew her aunt wouldn't mind if she borrowed her bed for a couple of hours. She was shocked to find it already occupied.

"What the hell are you two doing in here!" Nessie whisper yelled at the two kids.

"Shush! Please don't tell Jasper! He'll kill Alejandro! Please Nessie?" Luca whispered desperately. Nessie rolled her eyes.

"I won't say a word but if you think Jasper won't find out; you're delusional. Did you forget that my father reads minds?" From the looks on their faces, it was obvious they had indeed forgotten.

"Will he tell on us?" Alejandro's face looked pained.

"Oh, you can count on it."

"But we didn't do anything. I still haven't had the procedure." Luca sure looked guilty for not doing anything.

"Those two shirts on the floor would indicate otherwise. Procedure or not, Jasper is not going to be happy about this."

"I was just giving her a massage." Alejandro smiled at Nessie hopefully.

Nessie bit her lip and tried not to laugh. "Alejandro, you don't need to take _your_ clothes off to give _her_ a massage. Now I'm going to go wash my face and when I come back in here you two better be dressed and GONE." _Teenagers!_

Nessie gave up on the idea of a nap. She went into Alice's huge bathroom, washed her face, waited until she heard the bedroom door click shut, then left to go find Jake. She checked the huge event tent with all the food first. He wasn't there.

It seemed like everyone that came brought enough food to feed a small army. There were all kinds of covered dishes and crock-pots full of unrecognizable ingredients. Nessie did however recognize several of the names printed on masking tape labeling the casserole dishes and cookware… _Atera, Uley, Call, Clearwater, Swan, and Black. _

Nessie lifted the lid off the old cast iron kettle to see what Billy had contributed to the feast. She held her breath as a precaution, remembering all the stories Jake told her about Billy's horrible cooking.

"So Nessie, are you going to sample my famous spaghetti? The sauce is a secret family recipe. I'll have to give it to you once you and Jake are married." Billy's deep baritone voice startled her and she dropped the lid back on the kettle.

"No thanks, Billy. I'm not hungry."

"So I see." Nessie's smile faded when she noted Billy's disapproving tone. "We have pot luck get-togethers on the rez all the time. I hope you'll be able to work up an appetite for the next one." _Crap, if I don't eat their food—it will hurt their feelings _and_ their pride. Jake's people might think I'm a snob or something. _

"I guess I could try a little, even though I'm really not hungry… at all." Billy's smile of approval almost made up for the atrocious taste of his spaghetti. Almost. Billy watched her like a hawk so she actually had to eat several bites before he moved out of her way. As soon as he turned his back, Nessie threw the entire plate into the trash.

In addition to the entrées, there were dozens of pasta salads, fruit salads, potato salads, egg salads, tossed salads, and Jello salads. Pies, cakes, cookies and brownies covered an entire table.

"Hi Nessie. You should try this it's really good." Claire tried to hand her a plate with a large slice of chocolate cake just as she was leaving the tent.

"Oh, no thank you Claire. I'm not hungry."

"You don't have to be hungry to eat chocolate cake. I made it all by myself." Claire shoved the plate at her so Nessie took it. She could always throw it in the trash later, or give it Jake. "You sure grew up fast. I thought you were younger than me."

Quil had just shoved a huge slice of Claire's cake in his mouth, but he swallowed it quickly. "Claire Bear, Nessie's age is one of those things we don't talk about outside the pack."

Claire looked at Quil, then Nessie, then back at Quil. "Nessie is Jake's imp… girl so she's part of the pack, right?"

"Yes, but there are too many people here who aren't. We'll talk about it later, okay Sweetie?"

"Okay, Quil." Claire smiled up at him adoringly. _So, Claire knows about imprinting. I wonder what she thinks about it. _ It dawned on Nessie that there were other women she could talk to about imprinting. _ Maybe I could talk to Emily or Kim. They both seem friendly. _Nessie didn't want to admit it, but she was intimidated by Jake's older sister Rachael, and her husband Paul.

When she finally spotted him, Jake was surrounded by several people Nessie didn't know. Most of them were female, young, and pretty. She thought it might be a good idea to stake her claim. "Excuse me a minute, Claire, I'm going to go check on Jake."

Quil followed her gaze and smiled. "Yeah, he looks a little uncomfortable with all the attention." Nessie felt a surge of jealousy and Quil instantly picked up on it. "Keep in mind that Jake can't control how other people act."

Nessie growled involuntarily and Quil laughed. "You might also want to keep in mind that those girls are quite a bit more fragile than the people you're used to hanging out with."

Nessie had no intention of hurting anyone, but she wasn't going to stand around and pretend it didn't bother her either. She actually had to wiggle between a couple of older women to get to Jake. They had to be in their thirties. Surely they didn't think they had a chance with _her man._

Nessie stopped in her tracks when she got close enough to see that one of the prettiest girls actually had her hand wrapped around Jake's bicep. She took a deep cleansing breath, and quickly realized that was not a good idea. Someone smelled delicious. Nessie quickly swallowed the pooling venom and tried to breathe through her mouth.

"Hi Nessie. I was just about to come find you." Jake reached for her hand and the girl attached to his arm didn't like that at all. Nessie could feel the hostility rolling off her. The little hussy was considerably shorter than Nessie so she had to stick her chin in the air in order to look down her nose in a dismissive manner.

_You have no idea what I could do to you._ Nessie bit back a snarl and closed her mouth to keep from hissing at her—forcing her to breathe through her nose again. _Well, well, well… guess who smells extra tasty. _Nessie knew she had to get herself under control quickly before jealousy and thirst triggered an episode of bloodlust.

"I brought you a piece of cake." Nessie glared at the girl as she shoved the plate at Jacob. Jake never took his eyes off Nessie. He didn't even look at the cake but immediately handed it to the whore that was still clinging to his arm. _What the hell? Jake never turns down cake._

"Hold this for me, Laura. I have a craving for something sweeter than cake." Jake pulled her into his arms and kissed Nessie full on the mouth. It wasn't a particularly long or passionate kiss, but it got the message across. The crowd was very quiet when Jake broke the kiss and proudly announced, "This is my fiancé Renesmee Cullen, but we all call her 'Nessie'."

A couple of the girls smiled shyly at her and said "hi", but most of them frowned and a couple of them glared at her. The one Jake called Laura actually snorted, tossed her hair over her shoulder and stomped off. Nessie noticed a large piece of chocolate cake on the ground where she had been standing.

Jake didn't leave Nessie's side the rest of the afternoon. He frequently stroked her cheeks and her hair. He kissed the top of her head, her forehead and even her neck a couple of times. When she caught him glaring at a couple of young men, Nessie realized Jake was staking his claim as well.

~***~

"Mom? What are you doing?" Nessie had stopped by the cottage to tell her parents she was going hunting with Jake. Her parent's bedroom was a mess. Clothes and shoes were strewn all over the place. Bella's hands were moving so fast as she packed her suitcase they were a blur even to Nessie's enhanced vision.

"Your father thinks he found what he needed in Carlisle's notes."

Nessie's face lit up. "He found the solution? The one Carlisle said would change the future for vampires?"

Bella smiled and nodded her head excitedly. "Yes. That's why we have to go now. Edward believes he can solve the mystery before the Carlisle Cullen Memorial Convention. Oh Nessie, if this works…"

"MOM! You have to tell me!"

Bella just laughed and shook her head. "I'm sorry Sweetheart. I can't do that. Edward is still insisting on his policy of secrecy. I'm a little surprised he let me in on it." Bella cocked her head to the side listening to something Nessie couldn't hear. "You might want to go rescue Jacob in the backyard. Your father is threatening to castrate him if he so much as touches you while we're gone."

Nessie balled her hands into fists and clenched her jaw as she rounded the corner of the cottage. Edward was standing toe to toe with Jake and glaring at him. "I mean it Jacob, if I hear one wayward thought in anyone's head when we get back…"

"DAD! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Nessie pushed her way between the two men she loved the most.

Edward continued to glare at Jake and actually snarled at him.

"STOP IT right now, Dad. I have half a mind to go ask Morgan to give me the procedure this afternoon so Jake and I can have sex tonight. We'll just get it over with so you can stop worrying about it."

She pinched her father's lips closed with her fingers before he could say anything, and forced him to look at her instead of Jacob. She knew Edward could break her grasp easily if he wanted to; but when he didn't, it gave her a boost of confidence.

"Now you listen to me, Dad. I am actually five years older than you are and I am not going to put up with anymore of your adolescent outbursts, temper-tantrums, or power trips. What Jake and I do behind closed doors is our business and if you can't keep out of our heads that's your problem. I don't want to hear about it.

"I don't want to see any evil-eye glares or disgusted looks. I don't want to hear any hissing or snarling directed our way, and I sure as hell better not hear anymore threats of physical violence against the man I intend to marry. Do you understand me?" She let go of his lips so he could answer her.

"Nessie I'm just…"

"No Dad. I'm not going to listen to any excuses or lectures. If you want me to stay here, we have to come to an understanding or I'm moving to La Push with Jake." Jake and Edward both looked at her with wide eyes and shocked expressions.

"But Nessie…" The pain her ultimatum caused Edward was written all over his face. His shoulders slumped and he dropped his gaze before he nodded his head in submission. "Okay, no more dirty looks or threats, but…"

"Huh-uh Dad. No buts. No rules. No compromises. No advice. Got it?"

Edward closed his eyes and grumbled, "Fine," before he spun on his heels and disappeared into the cottage.

"Wow, Nessie. Don't you think that was a little harsh?" Nessie raised her eyebrows and Jake put his hands up in a classic "surrender" gesture. "I'm just saying…"

"No Jake, I wasn't too harsh. My dad threatening to emasculate you on the other hand was."

"Well, I can't argue about that." Jake lowered his hands onto her shoulders and rested his forehead on hers. "So Ness, were you serious about moving to La Push with me?"

"Of course I was. Why?"

"Well, I didn't want to get my hopes up if that was just an empty threat to get Edward off our backs."

"I'm still a little nervous about how I'm going to be received, but I've been thinking about what you said. How you didn't feel welcome because of the way Rosalie treated you when you moved to South America with us. That was a huge sacrifice on your part and I should be willing to match that sacrifice or I'm not worthy to be your wife."

Jake pulled her in for a huge hug and whispered in her ear, "It wasn't a sacrifice at all, Nessie. I got to be with you."

~***~

"So Ness, you don't think this is going to push Edward's buttons when he gets home and finds out we've been sleeping together?" Nessie yawned and rolled over onto her side so she could see Jake's face.

"Of course it's going to push his buttons, Jacob. But I don't care. My bed is too damn small and uncomfortable." Camping on the beach with Jake in his leaky old tent the night of Carlisle's visit had given Nessie the idea… The Cullen's had an impressive collection of camping gear in the garage and it didn't take much to convince Jake to set up camp in the woods between La Push and the cottage. "Besides, all we've done is _sleep_."

"Yeah I know, but I hate causing problems between you and your parents." Jake unzipped the tent, crawled through the door and offered his hand to Nessie. She could certainly crawl out of a tent unassisted but it made her feel… _cherished_ when Jake did little things like that.

"You know Nessie, now that the Denali's have all gone back to Alaska, we could move into one of the guest rooms they were using. Aren't you getting tired of sleeping in a tent?"

"I like camping with you Jake. In fact I like this so much we could just live in a tent from now on." Nessie grinned at him then kissed the tip of his nose.

"I'm not going to make you live in a tent Nessie. I won't be able to afford a huge fancy house on an EMT's salary—but I promise you will have a roof over your head and a floor under your feet." Jake held her head tenderly and caressed her cheekbones with his thumbs. "We still have a lot of things to figure out before we get married, but it helps knowing you're willing to live on the rez with me."

Jake brushed his lips against hers then gently pressed their mouths together. As he deepened the kiss, Nessie wanted nothing more than to climb back into the tent and ravish his body. Instead she broke the kiss, grabbed his hand and ran back to the big house to shower, feed Jake breakfast, and meet with the rest of the family.

Each morning they all gathered around the dining room table to combine their brainpower and try to figure out the rest of Carlisle's message.

They didn't bother to work on Edward's message since he and Bella were still on their little "research trip". No one was happy about his secrecy policy but there wasn't anything they could do about it. Speculation was just a waste of time. Alice claimed she couldn't get a clear reading on anyone's future because suddenly there were too many variables. All she would say was, "It's going to be big."

Carlisle's message for Jasper was easy to understand. It was also easily followed. Esme deferred to Jasper for family decisions, and no one questioned his role as the new leader. Jasper gladly took on the role of Alejandro's father as well as Luca's. Alice took the boy under her wing and it was easy to see he was utterly devoted to his new "Mom".

Morgan confessed that the secret desire of her heart was to have a baby fathered by Marcus before he changed her. She used Carlisle's message as evidence of a favorable outcome, but Marcus was not convinced. They argued about it constantly, neither one willing to compromise. Jasper finally convinced them to postpone further discussion until after Carlisle's big memorial and convention in Alaska.

The only mysteries that remained were Carlisle's instructions to Rosalie and Jacob…

"Rosalie, trust Jacob. Abide by his council if you want your daughter to be free."

Everyone assumed that Jacob knew of some way to break Embry's imprint on Sophie. What else could it mean? That particular message caused a great deal of tension between Rose and Jacob.

"Come on Jacob. Surely you've heard a story or a legend that talks about breaking an imprint." Everyone knew Rosalie was desperate to find a way to free Sophie from her addiction to Embry.

"I've already told you a hundred times that I have never heard of an imprint being broken. That's the whole point of imprinting. It's permanent and unbreakable." Nessie rubbed the back of Jake's neck trying to ease his frustration. She knew he hated to talk about imprinting since they still had a few issues with it themselves.

"I'm not convinced. Maybe you don't want to break the imprint. Maybe you want Sophie tied to that mongrel so he would have to keep phasing and never die. Then you would have your best friend forever."

Jake slammed his open hand onto the table so hard it created a crack from one end to the other. "Embry can't be happy if he is away from Sophie and he can't be happy without Leah either. Sophie is miserable without Embry and Leah walks around like a zombie because she is so depressed. I would love nothing more than to free Embry from his imprint so he can live happily ever after with Leah and their baby. Don't you dare accuse me of hiding information that would help my friends."

The entire house was silent except for Baby Carl and the muttered complaints of his mother as she left the room to try to soothe him after Jake's outburst.

"Leah's pregnant!" Rose, Esme, and Alice all exclaimed.

"Oh crap." Jake sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "That was a secret."

"How is that even possible? I thought she was barren like us. If her body isn't changing how can she conceive? Will she be able to carry a pregnancy to full term?" The questions buzzed around the table like a swarm of bees.

"Carlisle had a theory." Everyone looked at Marcus with surprise.

"Oh geeze… How did Carlisle know Leah was pregnant?" Jake rubbed his forehead roughly with his fingertips.

"Edward, of course." Marcus stated flatly.

"Of course." Jake groaned.

Marcus continued, ignoring Jakes' obvious distress. "It is a false assumption that the shifters do not change. Their hair continues to grow, they eat and digest food, their bodies heal, and the males regenerate sperm. We believe that Leah remained fertile as well, but her reproductive cycle changed and became more lupine in nature."

"Oh no. Please don't tell me…" Jake closed his eyes and fisted his hands in his hair tugging lightly in his classic gesture of extreme stress. Nessie gently untangled his fingers, kissed the back of Jake's head and then resumed rubbing his neck.

"Are you saying that Leah actually goes into heat?" Rosalie covered her mouth to try to keep from laughing. Emmett made no such attempt to disguise his mirth. Nessie had to fake a cough but she knew it didn't fool anyone. It was just so damn funny… except that it upset Jacob. She kissed his cheek then whispered, "I'm sorry."

"That is exactly what I'm saying. That is why she did not have normal monthly cycles…"

"Now hold on there a minute! How the hell did Carlisle know about Leah's… um… cycles?"

"Edward." Everyone replied. Jake slumped forward and banged his forehead on the table.

"Carlisle had another interesting theory about why phasing stops the aging process." Marcus was on a roll…

"It seems he took some samples of Jacob's blood after his injury and noticed a much higher than normal level of telomerase. As you know telomerase protects the ends of chromosomes by balancing telomere loss with the synthesis of new DNA. Apparently phasing stimulates the production of high levels of this anti-aging enzyme."

"What are you talking about? My EMT training did not include an advanced degree in genetics." Jake sat up and resumed rubbing his temples. Nessie knew he was getting a headache so she tried to explain the process in simpler terms.

"The telomere is also your biological clock. Each time a cell divides, a small end portion of the telomere is not copied. The telomeres get shorter and shorter over time. Each new generation of cells has a slightly shorter telomere than its parent did. Telomeres also govern the aging process. As they shorten with each new division, they cause the chromosome to fold differently exposing a different portion of the genome. This is why humans are so different at seventy-two than they are at two. They have the same genes, but they are transcribing or reading a different combination of genes as they age. Your high levels of telomerase prevent the shortening of your telomeres, which prevents you from aging. This is fascinating."

"If you say so, Ness."

She laughed quietly. "Well, it is to me. It's nice to know a little more about how your body works."

Emmett was not the only one to snicker at Nessie's unfortunate choice of words.

Nessie blushed furiously and Jake squeezed her hand. Jasper cleared his throat loudly. "Alright now everyone, that's enough. We still need to talk about the other remaining mystery. Does anyone have any new ideas about Carlisle's clue for Jacob?... That what he seeks belongs to Renesmee?"

Emmett opened his mouth but Jasper cut him off. "I said _new _ideas. We do not need to hear anymore theories of a sexual nature. Carlisle would never be so insensitive and crude."

"There are two parts to this mystery." Marcus mused. "Jacob is seeking something… What might that be? My guess would be information. Jacob, is there a question you ponder frequently? What keeps you awake at night?"

"I'm guessing Nessie does." Emmett's rude comment earned him several glares from his family and a low growl from Jake.

"I have several things worrying me right now. My Dad's health, getting two separate packs integrated back into one, Embry's imprint crisis, Leah's unexpected pregnancy, council politics, finding a place for Nessie and I to live, getting a job… Take your pick."

"Okay, let's look at it from the other angle. What does Nessie own that might possibly help you with any of the things you mentioned." Marcus frowned in concentration and looked back and forth from Nessie to Jake.

"I don't really own that much. I have my art supplies, my books, clothes, cell phone, iPod, laptop, archery equipment, some family heirlooms, and this…" Nessie held up her arm displaying the silver and copper bracelet Jake had given her as an engagement gift.

"That is lovely Renesmee. May I see it for a moment?" Nessie slid her most prized possession off her wrist and handed it to Marcus. "Did you make this Jacob?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Perhaps there is some symbology here gleaned from your subconscious representing a lost legend or myth—something that might solve the other puzzle."

"Nope. That's just an engraving of me in my wolf form standing with Nessie. The only thing that has any symbolic meaning is the metals the bracelet is made out of… the silver represents Nessie and the copper represents me." Jake sighed. "I don't see any connection to anything other than us."

Marcus handed the bracelet back to Nessie and she exhaled with relief when she slipped it back on. Her wrist felt naked without it.

Jasper sighed. "I guess that's it for today, unless anyone has anything else they want to say before we adjourn."

"I would like to use Carlisle's lab to prepare the Cullen family Bible and Jasper's fife for conservation and storage. If that's okay."

"Of course Renesmee, that's a wonderful idea." Esme smiled at her kindly.

"Oh, and I'm going to La Push with Jake tonight for a bonfire. We may spend the night there so if we aren't in our tent, don't worry about us."

"Alright Darlin' thank you for letting us know."

"Hey Babe, George and Sophie will be waking up in about half an hour. What do you say we head upstairs for a quickie?"

"Good grief Emmett." Jake scowled at him.

"What? We are married you know." Emmett seemed slightly taken aback as if his comment was not the least bit inappropriate. "And being parents really cuts into…"

Rosalie cupped her hands over Emmett's mouth, silencing him. "Let's go Monkey Man. You're wasting time talking."

Jake groaned and rolled his eyes. "Come on Nessie, lets go set up the lab so you can get to work. I hope it's soundproof."

~***~


	40. Defying Destiny

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

The following takes place the morning after Carlisle's visit to Renesmee and is in Embry Call's point of view.

Chapter 40: Defying Destiny

It was very early in the morning. The sun wasn't even up yet, but we sure as hell were. I didn't mind though. Leah had just crawled back into bed after getting up to go pee for the third time during the night.

I scooted down so I could press my ear against her slightly rounded belly. It didn't matter how many times I'd heard it before, the sound of my baby's heart beating inside her always filled me with wonder and awe. _That's my baby in there._ Leah and I made this incredible miracle together without even trying. All we did was love each other.

"Hello little fella, how are you doing in there? I'm your daddy."

Leah laughed at me and pulled my hair gently to make me look up at her. "Embry, she can't hear you."

"How do you know? There's never been a baby like ours before. Maybe he is going to grow fast like Nessie did." I felt Leah's belly tighten under my head. I cringed at my stupidity and hoped she would just let it go. Anytime I mentioned any of the hybrids, it upset her. It didn't have to be Sophie; I couldn't even refer to Luca or Alejandro without Leah getting moody and distant.

When Leah relaxed, I kissed her belly and whispered a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god was looking out for me. I try so hard to fill each day with more proof of my love and devotion to Leah and our baby. I have to prove that I won't leave her. Not even for an imprint. I haven't seen Sophie since we got home even though staying away from her hurts worse than gouging my eye's out. It gets worse every day.

I can't help wondering if Sophie misses me too. Jake checks on her for me. I've seen glimpses of her in his memory and she seems to be doing okay. She still gives Blondie and Monkey Man fits which is normal. She doesn't look like she's in any pain. I couldn't stand it if she were. I wouldn't have a choice. I would have to go to her.

_Damn it, why did I have to start thinking about Sophie._ I closed my eyes and took a deep shaky breath. Leah sighed sadly. She always seemed to know when my thoughts drifted to the amazing little girl that I love like a daughter._ Focus on Leah you idiot. _I nuzzled her belly with my nose, tickling her and making her twitch, before I pressed my ear against her barely-there-baby-bump. I let the faint and rapid rhythm of my child's beating heart soothe and comfort me.

My mood and the sky began to grow lighter. Every morning the rising sun filled me with hope. Each new day was another chance for a miracle to happen. Maybe today I would do or say something that would change Leah's mind. Maybe today she would believe me, trust me, or even agree to marry me. I could hope and pray all I wanted as long as I didn't say anything.

Leah and I had agreed to stop fighting over her decision to leave in a year. Instead we tried to live one day at a time... to live as if one of us were suffering a terminal illness and we wanted to cram as much life, love, and happiness as possible into each moment that remained. I knew Leah was still planning to leave me—to take my baby and disappear—but I couldn't stop hoping for a miracle.

Terminally ill people sometimes beat the odds, proved the doctors wrong, and recovered. Maybe our terminally ill relationship could do the same. I had to hang on to that hope. It was the only thing keeping me sane. If I could just make her happy enough—make her love me just half as much as I loved her—she wouldn't be able to leave me.

My imprinted pack brothers knew the agony I suffered by staying away from Sophie. Even the ones who hadn't imprinted could feel my pain each time we shared the pack mind. They all thought I was crazy for trying to resist my imprint. They weren't the only ones.

I had hoped to avoid the whole self-mutilation-mental-health issue but the Tribal Elders had other ideas. I felt like I was on trial the night I had to stand before the whole council and tell them exactly what happened. That sucked. At first they wanted me to talk to a shrink, but I managed to convince them I wasn't insane, just crazy-in-love. That didn't exactly help my case… Concern for my mental health turned into anger. They decided that if I wasn't crazy—trying to blind myself was an act of cowardice, like a soldier shooting himself in the foot.

How dare I try to avoid my destiny? What gave me the right to manipulate fate? How ungrateful did I have to be to shun the sacred gift of imprinting? Blah, blah, blah…

Esau Dukit, the newest council member, actually accused me of dereliction of duty. He said I was just a coward that refused to serve the pack and my people.

Jacob stood up and the room was immediately silent. Even Billy looked at his son with respect. It was hard to believe that this powerful leader was once just a goofy kid I hung out with in his garage. He was still my best friend, but now he was so much more.

"The pack is my responsibility and I am the only one with the authority to dole out discipline and justice. Please remember Embry is not on trial. We are simply trying to figure out if anything can or should be done about his strange imprint situation."

Jake would probably kick my ass for even thinking it, but it was like being in the presence of royalty. Taha Aki himself could not have been a greater man than Jacob Black. And just like Taha Aki, Jake was making some powerful enemies.

I looked around the room and noted everyone's expressions. Jake had been away from the rez too long. Some people didn't want to give up the power they had grabbed in his absence. _I'll be watching your back Jake. _I glared at Esau, but I don't know how effective it was with just one eye. At least he looked away first.

"Alright." Esau glared at me with malice. I'm sure he knew that talking about Sophie would be painful for me. "Tell us about your imprint, Embry. What happened?"

I was already in agony because of my decision to stay away from Sophie. Repeating my imprint story only made it worse. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I tried to ignore the worst migraine headache of my life, complete with distorted vision and nausea. The pull was so strong. It took every bit of self-control I had to fight the urge to phase and run to straight to Sophie. _Remember your promise. Think about Leah. Think about your baby._

Once again Jake came to my rescue. He clasped his hands in front of his face so no one could see his lips move as he whispered my "lines". Sam was the only other person in the room with hearing acute enough to hear him at all. I focused on the sound of the words instead of their meaning and repeated them in a flat emotionless voice. I pictured Leah's beautiful face and imagined the sound of our baby's heartbeat. I was so distracted I even repeated Jake's "Good job, Embry" comment at the end.

"You have your imprint. Why do you refuse to give up your attachment to Leah Clearwater? Is it because she's pregnant?" I'm not even sure who said it, but it didn't matter. I was furious with the whole bunch of them.

I said something along the lines of… "I am not frickin' 'attached' to Leah Clearwater. I am frickin' in love with her, and if you can't see that then you are twice as frickin' blind as I am." I might have said something besides frickin'. I'm not sure.

I never would have been so disrespectful to the elders if I hadn't already been pushed way past my limit. I apologized immediately, but from the look on Jake's face, I knew I'd be running extra patrols for months.

Sue Swan stood up and silenced the angry buzz of insulted elders and council members. "May I say something?" Jacob Black might be the most powerful and imposing person on the council—but Sue Swan was the most persuasive. I'm glad they were both on my side.

Sue paced back and forth as she began to lecture the council. "Calling Embry's love and devotion to Leah an 'attachment' is an insult to both of them. Embry Call's self-mutilation was not an attempt to shirk his responsibilities... It was an attempt to honor them. He made a promise to Leah and was willing to take extreme measures to keep that promise. Even though it _was_ rash and impulsive—gouging his eyes out was a courageous sacrifice of epic scale.

"How many of you here tonight would be willing to sacrifice as much for your mates? How many of you would have the courage to sharpen a stick with your own hands while pondering the pain and eternal darkness you knew were only moments away? How many of you could stare at that stick and press its points into the sensitive skin surrounding your eye sockets? Is there any among you brave enough to then shove those points behind your already bleeding eyes and pry them out?

Sue glanced at Sam briefly before she continued. "And when that extreme sacrifice proved to be pointless… when you looked into the eyes of your soul mate… how many of you would have the strength or even the desire to fight against destiny?

"We all know the legends, we've all heard descriptions of gravity moving and old bonds breaking. Ask Sam Uley what it is like if you want to know more. You all remember how devoted he was to Leah, how much he loved her before imprinting on Emily. Sam is a good man… a strong man. But even Sam was powerless against the magic of imprinting."

Sam looked at his feet and I swear it looked like he was trying not to cry.

"Embry Call's love for Leah Clearwater is stronger than fate, more powerful than destiny. His refusal to yield to the pull of the wolf exacts a terrible toll of suffering. You all witnessed what Embry endured as he told us about his imprinting experience. You watched his complexion turn grey, saw the sweat pour down his face, and his body tremble with pain. None of us can even begin to imagine the agony he suffers. Or understand the magnitude of courage required to endure such unbearable pain every minute of every day.

"The heroic story of Embry Call's sacrifice should be added to our legends. Embry and Leah's love story should be retold around the bonfires of endless generations to come."

I'll be damned if her little speech didn't make more than one old man's eyes glisten. I had to blink away more than a couple of tears myself. Sam Uley's expression was impossible to read. He had on his Alpha face so I knew he was feeling something he didn't want the rest of us to know about. There was only one face distorted with undisguised loathing—Esau Dukit.

I'm sure Esau had no idea how close he came to dying that night when he insulted Leah _and _Sophie... "I don't want my kids and grandkids to sit around the bonfire and hear our sacred legends defiled by adding the story of how some crazy one-eyed shifter managed to knock up the pack whore and imprint on a bloodsucking mutant child."

It's a good thing Jacob is twice a strong as I am; or I would have killed Esau on the spot. Jake shoved me out the door before I phased. "You're done, Embry. Get out of here and don't you dare go anywhere near Esau for the next week. I'll deal with him." Sam was pissed off too and pretty close to phasing. I'm sure that's why Jake ordered him to leave and keep an eye on me.

It was weird having Sam in my head again after so many years of being in a different pack. It was worse than weird when my thoughts of Leah triggered his old memories. I was still enraged by Esau's insults so when I caught a flash of a much younger Leah with hair flowing down past her _naked _hips being lowered to the ground I lost control.

Sam was on my left flank so I couldn't see him. I dug in my claws, spun half way around and went for his throat. Fortunately, Sam still has great reflexes. He dodged my potentially lethal attack and snapped my hamstring with one bite as I flew past him. The pain brought me back to my senses.

Sam sat a few feet in front of me while I healed. Neither one of us apologized. All of Sam's thoughts were of Emily and their kids. Good thing too. If I saw just one more indecent image of Leah in Sam's head, I would have found a way to sink my teeth into him—even if I had to crawl.

"_You need to calm down Embry." _Sam may not be the Alpha any more, but he still out ranked me.

_You used to be the most peaceful, easygoing guy in the pack. What happened?"_

"_Do you really need me to answer that?"_

"_No, I guess not. I'd like to say I understand what you are going through, but I can't even imagine it." _Sam was quiet for a while_. "I don't know how you do it Embry. I tried at first, but it was impossible. I couldn't stay with Leah and I sure as hell couldn't stay away from Emily." _

I got another flash of something I never wanted to see or think about again. _Leah trying to undress, begging Sam to make love to her… tears streaming down her face. Sam's hands restraining her… Sam's voice telling her "I'm sorry, Leah. It's over. I don't love you anymore. I love Emily. You need to move on."_

It was a good thing my leg hadn't healed completely. I growled at Sam and this time he did apologize. _"Embry, I'm sorry. I don't mean for these memories to surface. I managed to suppress them for years. I guess seeing Leah in your mind…like that… it just… I can't help it. I am truly sorry. I wish you hadn't seen any of that."_

"_You and me both." _Crap. What did Sam see in my mind?_ I didn't mean to show you any of my stuff either." _I stretched my leg. The tendon had reattached, but it was still too sore to bear any weight._ "You know Sam, Leah will kick both our asses if she ever finds out."_

Sam huffed his wolf-laugh. _"No doubt."_

" _At least she can't phase and read our thoughts until after the baby's born."_

"_I think it's awesome you guys are having a kid."_

"_Yeah, it is pretty amazing." _I flashed back to the first time I heard my son's heart beat.

"_So, it's a boy?"_

"_We don't know yet, but Leah always refers to the baby as a girl, and I always refer to him as a boy. I would be just as happy with another daughter…" _Sophie popped into my head without warning and I was immediately overwhelmed with desire to see her, to hold her in my arms, to feel her tiny hands around my neck. I fought the urge and filled my mind with images of Leah.

_Embry, I want you to know that I'm pulling for you. I realize things are a mess right now, but I'm sure it will all work out. Everything happens for a reason. Leah is one stubborn woman, but she has a big heart. Don't give up on her; I'm sure she'll come around."_

"_I have no intention of giving up on her Sam, but what am I supposed to do when… _IF…_ she decides to run? At what point does devotion and determination turn into stalking and restraining orders?"_

"_You may not want to hear this right now, but… Sophie will grow up. Nothing comes close to the joy of imprinted love. At some point, you need to give yourself permission to be happy."_ Sam's mind was full of comparisons between Emily and Leah.

My leg was completely healed so I took a couple of deep breaths and phased to human. I didn't want to risk losing my temper again, and I sure as hell did not want to see anymore of Sam Uley's thoughts or memories. "You're right Sam, I didn't want to hear that right now. In fact, I don't want to hear it ever again. I've made my choice."

Since I had exploded out of my clothes, I was completely naked. At least it was a dark, moonless night. I stayed in the forest as long as I could on my way home, darting through the shadows. Leah left the porch light on so I had to make a mad dash across the yard and hope none of the neighbors saw me. I avoided the brightly lit front of the house and climbed in the side window, feet first.

I was just congratulating myself on sneaking in unseen when I heard poorly suppressed laughter. Leah and Old Quil were sitting on the living room sofa, nearly choking and shaking with glee. This was an incredibly awkward and embarrassing situation. I decided it didn't have to be. Not for me anyway…

"Good evening Mr. Ateara. I am surprised to see you out so late; especially after such a long and stressful meeting." I leaned over and shook his hand as if the fact that I had just climbed through a window completely naked was nothing unusual. That stopped his snickering.

Now for Leah… I sat down on the edge of the sofa and gave her a little kiss. "I missed you baby, how was your evening?"

She started slapping my arms and chest. "Embry Call! You go get dressed right this minute!"

I kissed her again, full on the mouth, being careful to not get carried away. There would have been no way to maintain my dignity if I did. She kept yelling at me, but it was muffled against my lips. I broke the kiss and stood up.

"If you two will excuse me, I'm just going to go slip into something a little less comfortable." I got up, walked slowly into our bedroom, and pulled on a pair of sweatpants.

Leah was livid, but I knew it wouldn't last long. She would be laughing about it by bedtime. Old Quil was a different matter. I had no idea what to expect. He frowned but his wrinkled jowls kept jiggling. I didn't know if it was from trying not to laugh or just old age twitches.

"Can I get you something to drink, Mr. Ateara? I'm afraid all we have is milk, apple juice, or water. Leah isn't drinking anything with caffeine while she's pregnant, so we don't have any coffee."

"No thank you Embry, I'm fine."

Old Quil hadn't uttered a single word during the council meeting. In fact, it was kind of creepy the way he kept staring at me and frowning as if I was some kind of puzzle he couldn't figure out. Now I was the one that couldn't figure out what was going on. What was he doing here?

I jumped a little when he finally started talking. "Embry, where did you learn how to tie yourself to Leah?" _Huh?_

"I don't understand your question, Sir."

"Who taught you how to bind yourself to her so an imprint wouldn't break your connection?"

"I'm so sorry, Sir. You must think I'm an idiot; but I have no idea what you are talking about."

"I see. What about you Leah Clearwater, perhaps you are the culprit here?" _Culprit? What the hell?_

"Now hold on a minute Mr. Ateara. I admire and respect you, but I can't let you upset Leah. Maybe you should just tell us what it is you think we did."

Old Quil just locked his eyes onto Leah's without so much as a nod in my direction. They stared at each other without speaking, moving, or blinking. I wasn't even sure they were still breathing. I was about to start CPR on the old man when he dropped his eyes. No one can outstare Leah, not even the oldest and most respected Elder of the entire tribe. _That's my girl!_

Old Quil seemed to get a little older, smaller somehow. "I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll be on my way now." He had trouble getting out of the overly soft cushions of the old sofa, but refused my hand when I offered to help him. I'm not sure if it was because of pride, or if he was just pissed off at me. Pride or not, there was no way I was going to let him walk back to his house alone in the dark.

I grabbed the keys to my car and tried to convince him to let me give him a ride. That did piss him off. "Don't be ridiculous. I am not so old and decrepit that I can't walk half a mile to my own house."

I didn't have many options. I could either let him go, or pick his stubborn old ass off the ground and force him into the car. I decided to just call Quil and let him deal with it.

He picked up on the first ring and I quickly told him about his grandfather's strange visit. "Thanks Embry. Don't worry about what he said. He gets confused easily nowadays. It seems the older and frailer he gets… the more he tries to prove his independence. He fell in his own bedroom just last month and Mom didn't find him until the next morning."

"Holy cow Quil, was he hurt?" I suddenly felt guilty for letting him walk down the stairs of the front porch by himself.

"He didn't hurt anything but his pride. He just couldn't get up off the floor. Can you imagine not even being able to get out of bed to take a piss without risking a broken hip? Anyway, thanks for the call Bro'. Keep an eye on him till I get there." Quil arrived to escort his grandfather home before the old man had made it to the end of the driveway.

~***~

"… Hell-low-oh… anyone in there?" Leah was gently tapping the side of my head. I must have dozed off.

I stretched and yawned. I was still yawning when I said, "Leah, you are so damn beautiful. Did I tell you today how much I love you?" I ran my fingers through her thick silky hair then stroked her arm from her shoulder to the tip of her fingers.

"Yes Embry, you did but you can tell me again if you want. Especially since that was a little hard to understand." Leah slid her bent knee across my thigh and ran her hands over my pecs. I tried to suppress the physical reaction her simple caress created—I didn't want her to think all I cared about was her amazing body—but it was impossible for me to keep my hands off her. Or my stupid mouth shut.

"Wow Leah, did your boobs get bigger?"

She grabbed my wrist and moved my hand to her waist. "Yeah Embry and they also got incredibly sore and tender so keep your paws off."

"Oh. Sorry. How long is that supposed to last?"

"I don't know Embry. I've never been pregnant before." Crap. I probably sounded like I couldn't wait to start mauling her.

"I've never been in love with a gorgeous, sexy pregnant lady before and I just want to be sure I never do anything she doesn't like." I rolled onto my side trapping her knee between my thighs and tilted my head so I could look into her eyes. Having one good eye was way better than being blind, but it still had its limitations. "So what can I do to make you feel good? Rub your back, or maybe your feet?"

"I'm sorry Embry. I know I've been bitchy lately. You can still touch me, just be gentle okay?" As if that wasn't all the encouragement I needed, she slowly ran her fingers down my chest across my abs and…

A plaintive howl pierced the night. Leah and I both froze. "Damn it, that sounds like Jake. I gotta go Babe."

"I know Embry. Be careful okay?" The love and concern swimming in her eyes didn't make it any easier to calm down enough to phase.

"_What's going on, Jake?"_

"_Esme tried to kill herself, but we got here just in time." _I could see a giant bonfire from Jake's perspective. It was always a little disorienting at first… seeing things with two eyes instead of one. Nessie had her hands on Esme's face so she must be using that weird gift of hers to calm down Momma Vamp.

"_Do you need any help?"_

"_Thanks Embry, I think we're fine for the moment, but I want the pack to help me put out this damn fire. Meet me here on the beach in about fifteen minutes, okay?… _

"_Jake, Embry, what's going on?"_

_Oh, hey Seth. I'll let Embry fill you in. I need to phase back to help Nessie with Esme."_

"_Embry! Will you please focus on Jake's situation and stop thinking about my sister."_

"_Sorry kid, you know I try."_

"_Yeah, well try harder."_

I showed Seth everything I saw and heard from Jake. He agreed to stay in wolf form and let everyone else know what was going on as they checked in. I phased back so I could tell Leah what was going on.

"I was wondering when Momma Vamp was going to lose her mind. I've never seen a leech lose a mate that didn't come running looking for revenge and death." I cringed at her use of the insulting word. It never bothered me before I imprinted on Sophie, but now I hate it when I hear "blood-sucker" or "leech" in reference to vampires or especially hybrids.

Leah closed her eyes and mumbled, "Sorry, Embry."

I knew that was hard for her to do so I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head. "S'okay Leah." She sighed and I just held her tighter. That's when I felt it. It was so subtle. I still wasn't sure even after I leaned back and saw the joy filled expression on Leah's face. "Was that… Did our baby just kick me?"

Leah giggled—which was rare enough to be considered a miracle all on its own—and nodded. "Actually she kicked both of us."

"Wow… I mean… WOW!" It was hard to form coherent thoughts much less put them into words. Leah had been feeling little flutters for a couple of weeks but nothing I could ever feel. I picked her up, carried her into our room and placed her on our bed.

"Embry? What are you doing? I need to get dressed and fix breakfast; and you need to go help put out the fire."

"I know but I have to feel that again. That was so amazing, Leah!" I stretched out on my side and put my hand on her belly as I stared at her beautiful face.

"Embry, she may not kick again anytime soon. It's really unpredictable."

I kissed her forehead and then her belly as I reluctantly got out of bed. "I'll be back as soon I can. I love you, Leah." I kissed her belly one more time and whispered, "I love you, Son," before I ran out the door.

~***~

**A/N I know I said I was going to stay away from tribal politics which proves that I shouldn't ever say what I'm going to do until I've already done it. Please remember this is just a story. None of the characters are real. Esau Dukit is a complete figment of my imagination as well as a total jerk. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead is coincidental.**

**Leave a review before the next update and I will send you a preview of the next chapter. Which reminds me, I can't reply to anonymous reviews. Please log in so I can thank you and send you your preview.**


	41. Patchwork and Puzzle Pieces

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Chapter 41: Patchwork and Puzzle Pieces

The following takes place the morning after Carlisle's visit to Renesmee and is in Leah Clearwater's point of view…

I tried to slip into bed without waking Embry; the poor guy needed his rest. He's been running extra patrols but he won't tell me why. My guess is he said or did something to piss off Jake.

I don't know why I bother trying to be quiet. It never works; Embry always knows when I'm awake. He slid under the covers as I was crawling into bed and placed his ear over my belly. Listening to our baby's heartbeat is Embry's favorite activity.

"Hello little fella, how are you doing in there? I'm your daddy."

Oh man, that was just too damn sweet. I nearly melted right there in bed, one big puddle of Leah shaped goo. I lifted the sheet and wove my fingers into Embry's hair. I tried to pull his head up so I could kiss him, but all he did was look at me and grin. _Silly boy._ "Embry, she can't hear you."

"How do you know? There's never been a baby like ours before. Maybe he is going to grow extra fast like Nessie did."

I couldn't help it. As soon as he mentioned Jake's imprint it made me think of Embry's. I felt like such a jerk, even though I never asked him to stay away from her. I may be a selfish bitch, but I am not that cruel. He tries to hide the pain but I know Embry suffers every minute they're apart. I told him it was okay with me if he wanted to go see her, but he refuses.

I know what he's doing. He's trying to prove that he can fight the imprint. He's trying to prove that he will never leave me—so I won't leave him. I have to admit, he's doing a damn good job of it so far. I forced myself to relax and he kissed my belly. I love him so much. Why does life have to be so unfair? Why couldn't he have imprinted on me? I'm not a genetic dead end after all. The proof of that is growing bigger every day.

I felt Embry's eyelashes brush across the sensitive skin above my navel when he closed his eyes and shuddered. I knew he was fighting Sophie's pull. I could feel it too, not like Embry did, but a faint echo. I could feel the pull of his imprint… constantly tugging, calling, and _wanting _him. If I were a better person, less selfish, I would leave him now and free him so he could surrender to his destiny.

I can't do it, not yet anyway. I need Embry like I need air to breathe. I've never _needed _anyone the way I need that man. It started the day he poked his eyes out. His extreme sacrifice touched me in a way I can't even begin to describe. The memory of him lying helpless on the ground—bleeding and suffering because he wanted to prove his love for me—still breaks my heart every time I think of it.

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, maybe all these hormones are making me weak willed and needy. Once I have the baby, I'll be strong enough to leave then. I have to be—for her sake.

Embry tickled my belly with his nose and I twitched. _All right Leah, no more thoughts about leaving. It's a new day and you promised Embry to just enjoy the time we have left… So start enjoying._ We both relaxed when he pressed his ear over my belly again to listen to our baby's heartbeat. Embry was asleep within minutes. I dozed off for a little while too, but woke up when Embry started to drool on my stomach.

The weight of his head on my belly was a little uncomfortable so I woke him up and made him move. The first thing he said was, "Leah, you are so damn beautiful. Did I tell you today how much I love you?"

He had, but I never get tired of hearing it. I ran my hands over the hard muscles of his chest and rolled halfway on top of him. I smiled when I noticed how much he liked that.

Embry's hands liked to wander and that was usually just fine with me, but pregnancy does strange things to a woman's body. He cupped my breast and we both gasped. Me with pain, Embry with delight. "Wow Leah, did your boobs get bigger?" _Men! What is it about breast size that impresses them so much?_

I snapped at him. "Yeah Embry and they also got incredibly sore and tender so keep your paws off."

He apologized, and then offered to rub my feet. I felt like a schmuck for being such a bitch, especially since he was always so sweet to me. I ran my hands over his chest and whispered, "You can still touch me, just be gentle okay?"

His hands were light as feathers and sending shivers up and down my spine. I ran my hands over his chest and down his abs. My fingertips barely slid under the waistband of his boxers when we heard Jake howl. Nothing kills a mood faster than the cry of a panicked wolf. Especially when it's your Alpha.

"Damn it, that sounds like Jake. I gotta go Babe." Embry sounded as disappointed as I felt. I was also worried. I knew the pack could handle just about anything out there, but I hated not knowing what was happening.

I told Embry to be careful, but he was out the door and gone before I could tell him that I loved him. I knew he knew that, but I don't say it often enough.

It wasn't a true emergency so Embry had time phase back and tell me what was going on. It seems Esme reached her breaking point. I was surprised she lasted as long as she did. I'm no fan of bloodsuckers, but I genuinely felt sorry for her. I wasn't really thinking when I said something about how I've never seen a leech lose a mate that didn't come running looking for revenge and death.

I realized my mistake when Embry cringed. Damn it. I was so used to calling vamps bloodsuckers and leeches I didn't even think about it. I apologized and Embry pulled me into his arms, kissing my head and reassuring me that it was okay. I held him tightly against my body and silently promised to try harder.

I was locked in Embry's embrace when the baby kicked. It wasn't just a flutter this time. She actually kicked me. Embry's mouth dropped open and the look on his face was priceless. "Was that… Did our baby just kick me?"

I laughed and nodded. "Actually she kicked both of us."

"Wow… I mean… WOW!" My sentiments exactly.

**~***~**

When Embry got back from helping the pack douse the bonfire Esme built, he was covered with soot and smelled like smoke and singed hair. I checked him out surreptitiously and didn't notice any visible burns or other injuries. He did however look exhausted.

"Come on Babe; let's get you in the shower." I grabbed his hand and led him into the bathroom. He leaned against the sink while I got the water started. It took the old water heater about five minutes to get going so I had time to admire my man's nakedness. He might be smelly and covered in dirt but he was still a sight for sore eyes.

Embry opened the shower door and steam filled the tiny bathroom fogging the mirror and my better judgment. I decided it was more important to conserve water than to fix breakfast.

I am a simple woman with simple needs. I don't need a big house or fancy cars. I've never wanted expensive jewelry or designer clothes… but I would _love_ to have a bigger hot water heater. We were both covered with soap and shampoo when the water ran cold. Embry held me next to his hot body and rinsed us both off as quickly as possible. I was shaking like a leaf by the time we got out. Embry didn't have so much as a single goose-bump.

He grabbed a towel off the rack as he carried me back to our bedroom. "I'm so sorry Leah. I shouldn't have gotten carried away in the shower." Embry apologized non-stop as he rubbed me briskly with the towel. He was still dripping wet, and I have to admit watching water droplets trace little trails across his perfectly sculpted abs warmed me more than the towel. Instead of joining me when I crawled into bed, Embry went to the closet and pulled out a couple of quilts.

"Embry, what are you doing? Just get in here with me, you idiot." He shook out one of the quilts and unfurled it over the bed, then grinned lasciviously before diving under the covers. Within minutes, I was completely warm.

"Leah, are you sure this won't hurt the baby, now that he's big enough to kick?" Embry's face was full of love and concern as he hovered above me. His hair had grown out a bit and hung forward framing his features. To anyone else, his empty left eye-socket might have looked like a flaw on his otherwise perfect face. I thought it was beautiful. It was a visible reminder of his extraordinary courage and love. If he was strong enough to inflict such a horrible injury on himself, maybe he was strong enough to fight against the imprinting instinct.

"No Embry, it won't hurt the baby. Don't you remember what the midwife said?" I'm sure he did since it was the first question he asked her.

"Yeah, but I just want to be sure. I couldn't stand it if I did anything to cause a miscarriage or…"

"Embry Call. I am not going to miscarry. Now come here." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his head down as I lifted mine. Once our lips met, his instincts took over. Embry has great instincts.

"Embry, where did this quilt come from?" He steadied my hips with one hand as he scooted closer into my back. I used to think the term "spooned together" sounded old-fashioned and ridiculous. That was before I discovered how perfectly two bodies could align. We were like corresponding pieces of a puzzle. A perfect match—my back against his chest, his chin on my head, our bodies connected in a simple pattern of perfect symmetry.

"It was my grandmother's, but I think her mother actually made it." Embry's quiet voice in my ear sounded sleepy. I traced the intricate stitches connecting the oddly shaped scraps of fabric and wondered how many lovers had lain beneath this piece of history. It was possible Embry was conceived beneath this quilt.

The once bright colors had faded over the years—like old half-forgotten memories. Women did not purchase fabric to make quilts like this one. When a dress, shirt, or pair of trousers was too worn out to wear or patch, it was cut apart and every useable scrap saved. It took years to collect enough scraps to make a quilt. Years of living, working, and loving to use up the life of a garment… to justify cutting it up and giving it a new purpose, a new life as a part of something greater.

How many shirts, skirts, blouses and trousers were in this one quilt? How many years of life were woven into the warp and weft of each scrap? How many memories were lovingly recalled with each stitch as Embry's great-grandmother carefully joined the scraps of her family's clothes into this kaleidoscope of comfort and warmth. What would she think if she knew that her quilt warmed the bodies of her great-grandson and his… what?

What was I exactly? We weren't married so I wasn't his wife. He had asked me to marry him and I had agreed so that would make me his fiancé. But then he imprinted so that kind of eclipsed our engagement.

Was I just his girlfriend, his "baby-mama," his bed-warmer until Sophie grew up? That didn't seem right either. Embry _loved_ me. I wished I could just turn off my stupid mind. Why couldn't I be more like Embry? His gentle breathing and contented sighs soothed my troubled thoughts. His hand drifted down to my belly and our baby kicked.

"Oh. Wow. Did you feel that, Leah?" Embry's voice trembled with reverence and joy, pulling me into the moment. I released my worries and fears and let the bliss of 'now' wash over me.

"Yes my Love, I felt that." …and so much more.

~***~

**A/N I wanted to let everyone know that Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever was selected as this weeks (Friday Sept. 11, 2009) Friday Recommended Review at **

**Alphasandimprints [dot] blogspot [dot] com **

**Be sure to check out her other wonderful recommendations, Nadia posts a new rec each Friday, so if you love stories about the wolf pack and their imprints this is the place to look. **

**Leave a review before the next update and I will send you a preview of the next chapter. Remember, I can't reply to anonymous reviews. Please log in so I can thank you and send you your preview.**


	42. Mary's Secret

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

~***~

Chapter 42: Mary's Secret

The following is a continuation of Chapters 40 and 41. It is written in both Embry Call and Leah Clearwater's points of view. _(or should that be point of views?)_

**Embry**

Leah and I spent the morning in bed after a very cold shower. At first, I was afraid of hurting the baby. He had kicked me earlier and for some reason that made me a little nervous about invading his territory. Yeah, I know sex is supposed to be safe during pregnancy, but I didn't want to take any chances. I trusted Leah though, and when she said it was okay, well that was all I needed to hear…

I was totally spent and completely happy. I curled myself around Leah and was almost asleep when she asked me something about Gran's old quilt. Maybe that's what triggered the strange dream.

I was sitting by myself in a cedar-wood hut. The shack was sort of like the old long houses our ancestors lived in during the winter months, only much smaller. Gran's old quilt was the only thing covering my naked ass and I was sicker than a dog. I had forgotten what it felt like to be sick. None of us had gotten so much as a runny nose after we phased. The dream was so real. I had the flu or something and Blondie was there. That was worse than the flu.

Anyway, I was sound asleep when I woke up with a sudden jerk and an instant panic attack.

_Something's wrong with Sophie_. I sat up in bed with my heart racing, my head pounding, and my body shaking. I jumped away from Leah, afraid of hurting her if I phased.

"What's wrong, Embry?" Leah crawled across the bed and followed me into the corner where I stood shuddering with the effort not to phase. She started running her hands up and down my arms trying to calm me.

"It's Sophie. Something's wrong. I can feel it." I hated to say anything to Leah about Sophie. I knew it hurt her, but I couldn't help it. I was freaking out.

"Then go, Embry. What are you doing standing here?" Leah took a step back and looked so vulnerable it broke my heart.

"Leah… I…" I felt like I was being ripped in half. I knew Sophie needed me, but I was terrified of losing Leah and my baby if I left.

"Go Embry! I'll be here when you get back." Her eyes were full of tears, but she had that determined look on her face and I was seriously in danger of exploding in our tiny bedroom. I jumped out our window and phased.

I turned to look at her over my shoulder but I couldn't see her. From the sounds of her muffled sobs, I knew she was face down on the bed crying into her pillow. The ripping feeling got a whole lot worse. I howled in misery.

Leah yelled, "What are you waiting for! I feel it too, Embry. She needs you; now go before I change my mind."

I took off at a dead run for the Cullens' place. Sophie's pull was so damn strong. Was she in danger? Was someone trying to hurt her? She was protected by a house full of vamps and Jake was there. She should be perfectly safe, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Sophie needed…_ME_.

My fear fueled my body and I ran faster than I ever have. Even Leah couldn't catch me today… _Leah! _I felt her pull too. She was hurting. I could feel it. _Damn it! _I knew she was safe, I had just left her—but she was not okay. I howled again without slowing my pace and this time Seth answered.

"_Embry! What's going on? Is Leah okay? Is it the baby?"_

"_No, they're fine, Leah's just upset. I had to leave in a hurry... Sophie needs me. Please go stay with her till I get back…"_

"_Damn it Embry! I'm on patrol..." Seth sounded torn._

"_S'okay Seth, I'll take your shift. Get to Embry's house as fast as you can. Your sister needs you." _Sam's calm voice in my mind was reassuring. _"Embry, let us know if you need any help. Don't worry about anything here. Just go take care of your imprint."_

"_Thanks, Sam." _

The closer I got to the Cullen's mansion the better I felt. I heard Sophie and it sounded like a normal temper tantrum. Relief flooded my body. She wanted me. She missed me. Could that be what triggered my panic attack?

"EMBRY!.... I WANT MY EMBRY, NOW!..." _I'm coming Baby, I'm coming as fast as I can._

"Oh for cryin' out loud, in the name of all things holy can you please just call Embry and tell him to get over here? Carl was up half the night and I just got him to sleep."

I heard Sam's quiet chuckle in my head. _"I'm glad she's okay, Embry. It sounds like the rest of the house could use a break though."_

I phased at the edge of the forest and pulled on my sweatpants. I felt lighter than air, happy, relieved and pain free for the first time since we got back. Leah's pull was still strong, but it was easier now. Probably because of Seth.

Jake and Nessie were making out in the front yard. Those two should definitely go get a room somewhere. Geeze! Poor Jake has been living like a monk for years and I'm sure he is about to die from sexual frustration, but seriously… there was a houseful of overprotective vampires just a few feet away.

"Hey Jake, Buddy… do you have a death wish or something."

Nessie and Jake jumped apart, but once they figured out it was just me, they wrapped themselves around each other again.

"Hey Embry. Someone missed you last night." Nessie's pale face was beet red.

Normally I would have commented on their PDA just to see her squirm, but I was so close to Sophie now, I could smell her. She was the only thing on my mind. "So I hear."

"Yeah, you and everyone else in a ten mile radius." Jake muttered as I walked by.

I probably should have knocked, but I was too excited. "Where's my Sophie girl?

"EMBRY!... MOMMA, MY EMBRY'S HERE!" My heart swelled with joy when I heard how happy she was to see me.

I'll be damned if Blondie didn't try to ruin the moment by cussin' me out. That was just plain wrong. Sophie was way too young to be learning those kinds of words.

"Rose, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't talk like that in front of…"

I didn't even get to finish my sentence before the crazy bitch flew across the room and popped me a good one.

"Damn it, Blondie! That's the third time this month my nose's been broken."

I couldn't help grinning through the pain when Sophie sank her sharp little baby teeth into Blondie's leg.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!... Sophie Sweetheart, we do not bite Momma." I couldn't keep from laughing. I would talk to her later about not biting people.

I wasn't the only one laughing when Sophie mimicked Blondie and scolded her right back…

"Momma Sweetheart, we do not hit Embry!"

~***~

I spent a very happy day playing with Sophie. I wanted to take her hunting with Jake and Nessie, but they were long gone by the time I thought of it.

I had a nice chat with Jasper when my little angel took her nap. He told me how he had been managing Sophie's moods until Rose demanded he stop interfering. That must have been when I had my panic attack. He said he would try to keep Sophie calm and happy as much as possible, but it would help if I could visit a little more often. I explained the situation and he said he understood. He must have been managing my mood because I was able to talk about it without getting upset.

Once he left the room, I felt Leah's pull calling me back to La Push just as strong as Sophie's had ever been. I will never be at peace unless I can have both of my girls with me. Even then, it won't be peaceful because Sophie hates Leah. Leah tried to win her over while we were still in South America, but Sophie wasn't buying it.

I called home and talked to Leah for a few minutes. She sounded cold and distant. "I'm glad she's okay, Embry. Are you coming home for supper? Or are you going to eat with Jake and Nessie?"

That was code for 'get your ass home'. "I would rather eat with you Sweetheart. I'm just waiting for Sophie to wake up so I can say goodbye, then I'm coming home. I missed you today." I knew I was going to have a lot of making up to do tonight. I just hoped it was the good kind.

~***~

**Leah**

I knew the minute Embry got there. I felt Sophie's pull ease off and settle into an irritating awareness. I wish I knew what the hell was going on. Did I imprint on her too? That didn't seem likely since I couldn't stand the brat, but this was driving me crazy. When Embry freaked out this morning, I did too. I felt Sophie's distress and _wanted_ Embry to go to her. Hell, _I _wanted to go to her.

When Sam imprinted on Emily, I never felt any wolfy connections. Emily had been like a sister to me, so why didn't I feel Sam's pull to her when he imprinted? All I felt was anger, pain, and betrayal. I didn't even feel it when he accidentally mauled her, but I felt Sophie's distress when she got lonely. How does that make sense? Was it because I hadn't phased yet when Sam imprinted? Maybe it was because I didn't love him the way I love Embry.

I didn't really expect Embry to come straight home once he found out what was wrong. I don't know what I expected, but I sure didn't expect him to be gone all freakin' day. Seth stopped by to check on me, but I eventually convinced him I was fine and told him to go finish his shift. I hated that Seth saw me all puffy-eyed and sniffling… especially when he told me who had taken over for him. _Crap, my life sucks…_

"Don't you dare let Sam see how I look when you phase, Seth. I don't need his pity. Or anyone else's for that matter. I'm sorry you had to see me like this, but please…

This is not an image I want shared with the entire pack."

"I'll do my best Leah, but you know how it is."

I sighed loudly, "Yeah kid, I know. Just try."

After Seth left, I tried to keep busy and not think about how abandoned I felt. I cleaned Embry's house from top to bottom—dusting, sweeping, mopping, and washing every surface I could reach. That's when I found his mother's journal. She must have forgotten it when she moved back to the Makah rez.

I would like to say I didn't know what it was, that I just wanted to figure out if it was something of value or not. I would like to say that, but if I did, I would be lying. As soon as I opened it, a faded photo fell out and I gasped in surprise. It was a slightly blurry picture of Sam with his arm around a young woman. I didn't recognize her—although she looked familiar.

_My, my, my… more secrets Sammy Boy?_ _Were you cheating on me before you even met Emily?_ I turned the photo over and had to sit down when I read the information printed on the back. The young man wasn't Sam and the woman wasn't a stranger. It was Joshua Uley and Mary Call, Embry's mother. _Damn._

I know, I should have just put the photo back in the book and pretended I never saw it. But there was no way I could do that. I took the book into the kitchen, made a pot of herbal tea and read it cover to cover. For the most part, it was boring. Just the ramblings of an adolescent girl growing up on the Makah rez. There were a few pages however, that got my undivided attention.

**March 11, 1989 **

Today I met the most amazing man. It has to be fate. It was love at first sight…

_Ah-oh… sounds like an imprint._

My lazy brothers got up too late to fix their lunches, so Mom made bologna sandwiches and made me run them down to the boathouse. I didn't want to do it. In fact, I threw such a fit she told me I had to stay down there and sweep up shavings until my brothers were done.

Little did she know... her punishment would lead me to my destiny.

I met Joshua Uley at the boathouse. He came up from La Push for the day, to see the progress we were making with our canoe. Mark introduced me as his "kid sister." I am so glad I resisted the childish temptation to stick my tongue out at him.

Joshua walked all the way around the canoe to come shake my hand. I blushed and tried three times to say 'hello,' I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Joshua smiled at me shyly and waited patiently for my mouth to start working. I was surprised by how shy and quiet he was. He was huge. Much bigger than my brothers. Bigger than anyone I've ever known. But he wasn't scary big… just big… and strong, and gorgeous and so very sexy.

I finally managed to choke out, "Hi, my name's Mary."

"That's a beautiful name." He swallowed loudly and his voice was sort of shaky when he asked, "Were you named for the Virgin Mary… um, you know… the Mother of Jesus?"

I don't know why his question made me blush, but it did. "Actually I was named after my grandmother."

Every time I glanced his way—which was all the time—Joshua was looking at me. He never touched me after shaking my hand, but I swear I could _feel_ his eyes on my body. I should have been grossed out. I mean he has to be at least twenty–five years old and that's ten years older than I am. I was not grossed out at all. I liked it when he looked at me. Who am I kidding? I LOVED IT!

Mark and David started to get annoyed with me and tried to send me home. I had the perfect excuse though. "Mom said I had to stay until you boys were done. I'm supposed to sweep up." Mark put a broom in my hands immediately, but that actually turned out to be a blessing.

"Um… Mary?... Can I hold the dust pan for you while you sweep?" I loved the sound of Joshua's deep voice. I loved the way he said my name. Mary had always seemed like such a plain name to me, but when Joshua said it… I wanted to melt. It was just so amazing.

I was completely tongue-tied. All I could do was nod my head. Our eyes stayed locked together the whole time. Sweeping cedar shavings with Joshua Uley looking up at me turned me on so much it was embarrassing. I never got that turned on making out with my boyfriend. My boyfriend who I am suddenly no longer the least bit interested in...

_Oh yeah, this is definitely an imprint situation. A creepy, jailbait imprint situation. Holy Cow! I'll bet Joshua is Embry's dad! _I started flipping through the pages of "Mrs. Mary Uley" fantasies and sneaking out for "magic nights of true love." Ew… I even found out the exact date Mary lost it to Joshua. That guy should have gone to jail. Sure enough…

**June 24, 1989**

I don't know what to do. I want to die. Joshua says he can't see me any more. He claims he loves me, but that it isn't going to work. I can't even talk to anyone about it because Joshua could go to jail. I don't want to live if I can't be with my soul mate.

My period is four days late.

**July 6, 1989**

I have to see Joshua. I have to. I don't know what to do. I told David about us last night and once I got him calmed down, he promised not to kill Joshua as long as he agreed to marry me. David is going to drive me to La Push on Saturday so I can tell Joshua I'm pregnant. I'm scared but excited too. Joshua is a good man; I know he will do the right thing.

**July 10, 1989**

I don't know why I'm even bothering to write in this stupid journal anymore. So much for destiny. Ha! My life is ruined. I am so screwed… in more ways than one.

I didn't tell Joshua about the baby after all. Joshua can't marry me. He can't marry me because HE IS ALREADY MARRIED AND HAS A TWO YEAR OLD KID! I HATE HIM!!!! I HATE JOSHUA ULEY AND I WANT TO DIE!!! What am I going to do?

_I never should have started reading this! Poor Mary Call. She was just a kid, no wonder she is so messed up. I really hate imprinting! Damn it. _I had tears running down my face so I ducked into the bathroom and grabbed a handful of toilet paper to dry my eyes.

**March 12, 1990**

My little boy arrived at 2:26 this morning. He is absolutely adorable, weighs 7 pounds 3 ounces, and has his father's eyes. I'm not mad at Joshua anymore. I still love him and I know I always will. I keep hoping he will come back to me. I know that isn't likely to happen, but a girl can dream.

Joshua participated in the Paddle to Seattle last July and never came home. The last time I saw him he looked miserable. I waved to him as he was helping ready the canoe for launch, but he didn't wave back. He stared at me for a moment with haunted eyes. When he turned away, I knew in my heart it was forever.

**December 18, 1990**

I got a letter from Joshua today. Well, it wasn't exactly a letter. It was just a note he wrapped around a bundle of cash... I don't want his damn money." All I want is Joshua.

_Oh man, I can't take much more of this. There was a tear-stained and yellowed note wrapped around six fifty-dollar bills wedged between the pages. All it said was, _"I'm so sorry. Have a good life."

_Have a good life? I was seriously starting to hate Joshua Uley. I get it that he felt guilty for imprinting on her and cheating on his wife, but what a coward to just run away… _Oh, crap_. That sounds a lot like me… and the exact opposite of Embry._

He has to know about the baby. He knows my new address in La Push, so he must be in contact with someone that knows me—someone that knows about Embry. I think a little information is worse than no information at all. It drives me crazy knowing that he could find me if he wanted.

I still have no clue where he is or how he's doing. His stupid note didn't offer any explanations or excuses. Did he honestly think that any amount of money could make up for the way he deserted me when I needed him most? _"Have a good life?"_ What a joke.

The envelope had no return address, but it had been dated and postmarked in Tahlequah,Oklahoma. I tried in vain to track him down. I'm sure he was just passing through anyway, unless he has family in Tahlequah.

What difference does it make? I can't exactly go around asking people about Joshua's lineage. "Oh by the way Mrs. Uley was your husband part Cherokee? Do you think he might be holed up somewhere in Oklahoma? Do you want to bundle up our boys and a take a little car trip so they can see their Daddy?" Yeah, right.

I feel sorry for Joshua's wife and son, but I'm jealous too. They don't have to keep any secrets. Sammy Uley may grow up without knowing his father, but at least he will know who his father is.

No one knows that Joshua Uley is Embry's father, except for my brother David and a couple of the Quileute's that befriended me. They all promised to keep my secret. They also promised to help take care of little Embry and me. Good thing too since my parents kicked me out.

I don't know why they are being so nice to me. The Quileute council even gave me the cutest little house to live in rent-free. It only has one tiny bedroom and Embry's crib barely fits between my twin-sized bed and the wall.

_She was not kidding it's a tiny room! Embry and I share a double bed and there is no way we are going to fit a crib in there. I guess we'll just put it in the front room. Embry slept in there on a broken down sleeper sofa most of his life._

It may be a small house, but it's perfect for us. A perfect little home for me and my perfect little boy with Joshua's beautiful eyes.

~***~

I nearly knocked my cup of tea over when the phone rang. I felt so guilty I ran and put the journal back where I found it before answering. I had a hard time getting my voice to sound natural. I was still a little emotional after reading Mary Call's journal. It was Embry on the phone and even though he had no way of knowing I had invaded his mother's privacy, I still felt my cheeks grow hot with shame.

We all avoided speculating about who Embry's father was. It was a touchy subject. My dad's name was cleared when Embry told his mom he thought he was falling in love with me. She gave him her blessing. I found it more than a little bit weird that the only two men I had every truly loved were brothers. Crap. Sam Uley is my baby's uncle.

I was in a daze and suddenly very hungry. I hadn't eaten all day so I guess it was natural for my mind to focus on food when Embry called. "I'm glad she's okay, Embry. Are you coming home for supper? Or are you going to eat with Jake and Nessie?" I missed him, but I needed a little more time to process what I had just learned. Besides, I hadn't even thought about what to fix for supper.

Embry said he was waiting for his little monster—I mean "angel"—to wake up but he missed me and wanted us to eat together. I jumped up and threw some canned salmon in a casserole dish with a can of cream of mushroom soup, some frozen peas, and a little instant rice. It was ready when he walked in the door. Embry sniffed once and shouted, "Hey Babe, something smells great!" It's a good thing he's not a picky eater.

I had just pulled our dinner out of the oven and set it on one of Mary's hand crocheted potholders when Embry picked me up off the floor in a huge bear hug. I noticed he was trembling slightly. "I can't stand to be away from you Leah. I need you so much." I hugged him back and kissed his cheek, even though he absolutely reeked of vampire—vampire and a certain little hybrid. Sophie's scent didn't burn my nose like a full vamp's would, but it sure as hell burned a hole through my heart.

~***~

**A/N Back to Nessie/Jake next chapter. I will send all reviewers a preview of the next chapter until I actually post it. After that, it's kind of pointless.**

I am so annoyed! ff deleted the formmating of Mary's journal. All the journal entries were indented to separate them from Leah's thoughts. Damn.


	43. Blood and Tears

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

~***~

Chapter 43: Blood and Tears

"So Nessie, how much longer do you think this is going to take?"

Nessie stood up so she could see him over the cluttered mess on the worktable in front of her and smiled. "Are you getting bored Jake?"

He had spent the first half-hour examining the many artifacts and documents housed in Carlisle's lab-slash-archive. Nessie had to admonish him more than once when he picked up some priceless artifact without thinking. Now, he was lying on his back in the middle of the lab with his hands laced behind his head and one foot propped against his bent knee.

"We could take a break if you want."

"Naw, it's okay. I was just wondering if you still wanted to go to the bonfire tonight?"

Nessie laughed. "Jake, we have hours before the bonfire is supposed to start. If you want to get out of here and help set things up that's fine, go ahead. I'm sure I can catch a ride to La Push with Embry later tonight."

Jake's deep chested growl startled her. "Embry didn't drive over here Nessie. It was bad enough that you rode Sam half way across Canada. There is no way in hell I'm letting you ride Embry to La Push."

Nessie resented the Alpha tone almost as much as Jake's insinuation that accepting Sam's offer was inappropriate in any way. "Is that supposed to be funny, or are you just being an obnoxious, controlling, territorial Alpha?"

"Um… which one will get me in the least amount of trouble?" Jake propped himself up on his elbows and smiled sheepishly.

Nessie knew she had a choice. She could make her point and escalate this discussion into another nasty fight—or follow Jake's lead and turn it into a joke. "Hmmmm… I think the dirty joke option is your best chance to avoid my wrath, as long as no one else hears about it. I don't want another 'Innuendo Incident'."

Jake's face turned grey as he slowly got to his feet. He wove through the maze of shelves, tables and boxes until he stood behind her. The close proximity of Jake's chest and stomach radiating his body heat into her back and hips increased her heart rate.

She leaned into him, but he did not wrap his arms around her or pull her body against his as she expected. Instead, he lightly rested his hands on her shoulders and whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry Nessie. I just now realized the double meaning of my words." Jake gently massaged her shoulders. "I don't want you to be mad at me for being 'an obnoxious, controlling, territorial Alpha', but I can't even pretend to make you the object of a dirty joke. That feels like blasphemy."

Nessie turned around and wove her fingers into his hair. She looked into his deep dark eyes and saw a mixture of remorse, pain, and love. "I know you would never make me the object of any sort of joke, Jacob—dirty or not. I'm not mad at you, but just so you know… I did NOT enjoy riding Sam across Canada. I didn't think I had a choice.

I have no intention of riding Embry anywhere. I forgot that he wolfed it over here. More to the point, I can run to La Push by myself. I don't need a car or a wolf to get me there. Besides, Leah would kill me if I arrived at the bonfire on Embry's furry back."

The corners of Jake's mouth curved up into a gentle smile. "Leah wouldn't get the chance to kill you. I'm pretty sure Sophie would tear you to pieces as soon as she saw you riding 'her Embry'."

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really proud of us."

"Why's that Sweetheart?"

"We could have had a huge fight over this, but we didn't. We talked it out, and I actually feel closer to you because of it."

Jake brushed her lips softly with his before gently deepening the kiss. His mouth moved slowly with gentle pressure but no lust. His hands were warm and still on her back.

Gradually the kiss became more passionate. Jake pulled her body against his with such tenderness and love it filled her with a sense of awe. When at last they broke the kiss, they simply held each other and cherished the moment of mutual bliss. Nessie rested her head on Jake's shoulder and noticed that their heartbeats were perfectly synchronized, beating as one.

"Nessie?"

"Hmmm?"

"If you hurry and finish up quickly, maybe we will have time for a quick nap in the tent before the bonfire." She looked up at his face and read the promise in his eyes.

When a recent cuddle session resulted in violating a certain predetermined boundary, Jake had insisted on enforcing stronger rules. If they were going to sleep together, they had to limit the amount and intensity of physical contact. That roughly translated into a no-making-out-in-the-tent policy.

"When you say 'nap' do you mean what I think you mean?" Nessie didn't want to get too excited if Jake only intended to sleep.

"What do you think I mean?" Jake smiled his sexy crooked grin and peered at her with heavy lidded eyes.

"If you're teasing me Jacob Black there will be hell to pay." Nessie was only half joking.

Jake dropped the grin and his face became serious. "I don't intend for us to… um… get carried away like before, but I want to… no… I _need to _hold you in my arms and kiss you and feel your body next to mine." Jake's eyes darkened and both their hearts were hammering loud enough to alert the entire household of vampires.

Nessie reached up and placed her palm on Jake's cheek. She projected the image of her removing the Cullen family Bible from its non-archival and potentially destructive box. She shared her concern that even the relatively few years in the jungle may have damaged the ancient book. She wanted to check it briefly for signs of mold and insect infestations. _"Twenty minutes more in the lab and then we go to the tent!"_

Jake's grin was back instantly. He kissed her palms, her forehead, her nose, and both cheeks before giving her a quick but passionate peck on the mouth. "Get busy, Missy."

Nessie opened the ancient box that held the priceless hand bound masterpiece of calligraphic art. She donned a pair of gloves before carefully removing the Bible. How many years did it take to create this one book? How many monks lovingly toiled over these pages as they copied each sacred word? Nessie remembered her delight the first time Carlisle had read to her from this very book. She remembered the way intricate Celtic patterns illuminated the first letter and margins of each page.

She resisted the temptation to open the book immediately and cautiously set it on the carefully prepared examination tray.

Resting on the bottom of the box was an old document, yellow with age. It wasn't ancient. In fact, it was written on paper instead of parchment. At first, she was annoyed that someone had carelessly placed an acidic sheet of paper next to the leather binding of the priceless Bible. Her eyes slowly widened and her mouth fell open when she read the faded writing on the single page.

"Jake, come look at this." Nessie's voice shook with excitement. "I found this piece of paper under Carlisle's Bible. It's in decent condition and still legible."

"Let me see." Jake looked over her shoulder at the old document without touching it. "It looks like Edward's sissified handwriting, which means I can't read it."

"This is not Dad's handwriting—which happens to be elegant, not sissified—but it is close to the same style." Nessie opened her notebook and quickly copied the information word for word then handed it to Jake. "Does that make any sense to you?"

Jake furrowed his brow in concentration as he read but shook his head and handed it back to her. "Not really. I've never heard of any forbidden rituals, and that poem doesn't make any sense at all. I'm pretty sure 'The pull of the wolf' refers to imprinting—if this is Quileute in origin."

"Jake, it has to be." Nessie's eyes filled with tears as she thought of her grandfather and the miracle of his message. She inhaled sharply to keep her nose from dripping and caught a faint hint of Carlisle's unique scent.

Nessie placed Jake's open palm over her heart and said, "I know this is what Carlisle was talking about in his message to you, Jacob. I can feel it, right here. This is what I own that you are seeking. The secret to breaking Embry's imprint is on this page!"

"But Nessie... I have no idea what this stuff means."

"Come on!" Nessie grabbed Jake's hand and rushed out the door. "Hey everyone, Jake and I found something! Meet us at the table."

As soon as everyone arrived, Nessie explained what she found hidden under Carlisle's ancient family Bible.

"The original looks like it was torn from a bound book, probably a journal. There is no name but there is a partial date… 'ary', which would be either January or February, and the year 1937. I left the original in the lab for now. I don't want to risk damaging it, but I copied the all the information as accurately as I could. It starts out like a journal entry, but then switches to a poetic style, which I believe to be wedding vows …"

"Nessie Darlin', why don't you just read it to us out loud?" She nodded then began…

"_Tonight we perform the forbidden ritual of binding. I understand the language of my new family and have faith in the power of their legends—how could I not—after all I have seen? It has been two years since my deliverance, yet I cannot speak their words. I have written these vows and taught them to my beloved so that we may bind ourselves with words of promise before God, as well as with the ancient sacrifice from the legends of his people."_

Nessie looked up to judge the reaction of her family. Everyone stared at her expectantly without comment so she continued. "Here's the poem…"

_**The Warrior's Sacrifice**__**:**_

_By my own hand and my own knife_

_I sever flesh and offer life_

_Suffer pain, and earthly strife_

_And ask you now to be my wife._

_Come take my hand, let this wound remind you_

_Of the promise I made to stay beside you._

_There is naught I would not do,_

_To prove my love for you is true._

_**The Woman's Reply:**_

_My tears flow freely for your pain_

_Mix with your blood and always remain_

_A part of your body, to protect and maintain_

_The love that we share so your heart I may claim._

_If the pull of the wolf should lead you astray,_

_My tears and your blood will show you the way_

_Back to my arms, my heart and our home_

_No matter how long or far you may roam._

_**The Warrior's Promise:**_

_The pull of the wolf I cannot deny,_

_But wait for me Love, and do not cry_

_For my blood and your tears protect the tie_

_That binds our hearts till the day we die._

_I'll never forsake you or leave you alone,_

_Though the pull of the wolf is fierce and strong._

_The fate of my life is in your hand_

_To welcome the other or heed your command._

_I will not refuse nor hesitate_

_To risk my life or question fate._

_I trust my soul into your keeping_

_And burn my flesh as you watch, weeping _

_Abandon me while the bond is breaking_

_The other's face I must see when waking._

_If I escape death's grip and live,_

_To you alone my heart I'll give._

"I know what that is." Esme was the first to speak and all eyes were upon her. "When we came to this area the first time, the Quileute's were even more suspicious of our family and we didn't have any official contact with them except for creating the treaty.

"We had been here a little over a year when two women showed up pulling a deathly ill man on a litter. One woman was Caucasian, the other Quileute. Carlisle did his best to save the man, but he died within the first hour.

"The two distraught women refused any further help once the man died." Esme's face showed the weight of her own loss briefly. She inhaled deeply and the tranquility she received after Carlisle's message returned to her countenance.

"The two women wept profusely as they drug him away on the litter. Before leaving, the white woman handed Carlisle a piece of paper and told him to 'keep it safe' but refused to explain why. The words you just read were the same ones on the piece of paper the woman entrusted to Carlisle's care."

Esme shook her head slowly and frowned. "We had such limited knowledge of the Quileute people the first time we settled here. We had no idea what that poem meant, or why the woman entrusted it to Carlisle."

"This is it! I knew it! I knew there was a way to free Sophie from that damned curse!" Rosalie was ecstatic.

Jake remained thoughtful and unaffected by Rosalie's outburst. "Esme, now that you know a little more about my people, do you have any idea what this means?"

"I'm so sorry Jacob, I still don't understand it."

"Do any of you have any insight to the meaning of this poem?" Jake's mouth was set in a thin tight line as he looked at each pale white face gathered around the table.

They all frowned and shook their heads.

"Come on Nessie. We need to take this to Billy."

~***~

Nessie was certain that the excitement of their discovery had chased all thought of a "nap" out of Jake's head. She was pleasantly surprised when he cupped her face and kissed her passionately as soon as they entered the forest.

"We may have to postpone our 'nap' until after the bonfire tonight. Is that okay?"

"Of course Jake. Now go phase so I can ride you to La Push." Nessie wiggled her eyebrows like an evil villain in an old movie.

Jake laughed and gave her another quick peck on the mouth before disappearing behind a tree.

Nessie waited for Jake at the edge of the forest while he returned to his human form and dressed. The wind changed as Jake joined her and Nessie recognized a very unpleasant odor wafting from Billy's house.

"I'm telling you right now Jacob; I am not eating your dad's spaghetti."

~***~

**A/N I noticed that the hit count for this story takes a dramatic dive after chapter 9. I am trying to figure out why before I start the rewrite of this story. I suspect it is due to the sick-o Volturi creep Aro and what he did to Nahuel's sisters. Should I tone it down? I am also considering changing the rating of this story to "M" any thoughts about that?**

**I was so excited to finally get to post the poem. (I wrote it ages ago!) It's full of clues! I can't wait to read your guesses!**

**Just a reminder, please log in when you leave a review so I can send you the preview!**


	44. Binding and Breaking

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

~***~

Chapter 44: Binding and Breaking

"You kids sure you don't want some of this? I can cook another batch of noodles in about ten minutes, and there's plenty of sauce."

"No thank you, Billy. I'm saving my appetite for the bonfire tonight." Nessie's stomach threatened to expel the blood of the deer she drained just ten minutes ago. She tried to smile and breathe exclusively through her mouth. There was simply no way to block out the stench of Billy's spaghetti sauce.

"Dad. We're fine. Now please tell us what you know about this poem and the woman that wrote it." Jake was also breathing through his mouth; it didn't appear to be working for him either. "What the hell did you put in the sauce this time?"

"I already told you all I know about that poem… which is nothing. I've never heard of anyone even trying to break an imprint much less succeeding." Billy took another bite of the nastiness on his plate. "There was half a can of Spam in the back of the fridge so I used that and some leftover chicken from a couple of weeks ago as well as a little lettuce that was too far gone for a salad."

Nessie clenched her teeth to keep from gagging. "That's disgusting, Dad. I'll never understand how you manage to eat that and not die from food poisoning. I know you already know that meal is too high in carbs. When's the last time you checked your blood sugar?"

Nessie's eyes widened when Billy actually growled at Jake. He was every bit as loud and fierce sounding as any of the wolves. "Rachael is bad enough. I don't need you to start fussing over me like a mother hen. Why don't you show that poem to Old Quil? If anyone has any knowledge of forbidden rituals, it would be him."

"We'll go just as soon as you check your blood. I'm not leaving here until I'm sure you're stable." Jake's huge frame took up a large portion of the kitchen and he was intimidating as he leaned against the refrigerator."

"You can stay as long as you want, Son. I'm no hurry for you to leave." Billy scraped the last bit of spaghetti off his plate into his mouth then handed it to Nessie. _Does he expect me to wash his dishes? _Nessie carried it to the sink and balanced it on top of the huge pile already there.

"Come on Dad; let's go prick your finger." Jake pushed off the refrigerator and the old unit rocked, rattling its contents. Billy snorted but wheeled into his bedroom with Jake right behind him.

Nessie looked at the stack of disgusting dishes in the sink and sighed. She found a bottle of generic dish soap and a sour smelling sponge under the sink. She may not be as fast as a full vampire, but she was much faster than any human. She was rinsing the last pot when Jake and Billy returned to the kitchen.

"Why thank you Nessie. You didn't have to do my dishes, but I'm sure glad you did." Billy's smile of gratitude was genuine and it warmed her heart, but Jake's smile and whispered "thank you" practically made her glow.

~***~

Jake opened the battered old screen door to knock on the loose-hinged front entrance of Quil Ateara's home. A few flecks of peeling red paint stuck to the knuckles of Jake's right hand. He absently brushed them off against his thigh as he called to the old man inside. "Mr. Ateara, are you home? It's Jacob Black and Renesmee Cullen; we'd like to talk to you about something."

"Stop hollering, Boy. I may be old, but I'm not deaf. Come on in, the door's not locked."

Jake held the door open for Nessie then followed her inside. The spring-loaded screen slammed shut with a bang making her flinch. Old Quil grimaced and complained, "I see you still haven't learned how to properly close a door." Jake started to apologize but the old man cut him off. "Never mind Jacob, my grandson hasn't either and he's had a lot more practice."

Nessie looked around at the cluttered interior of the tiny front room. Several multi-colored afghans similar to the ones in Billy's house covered the worn upholstery on the furniture. Old Quil had one on his lap and another loosely draped over his shoulders. She wondered why so many different kinds and colors of yarn were used in the construction of these blankets.

The braided rug covering most of the cheap linoleum floor was also a kaleidoscope of faded color and texture. Nessie couldn't help comparing Billy and Old Quil's carelessly eclectic decor to the meticulously designed interiors of each Cullen residence. Even the tree house in the jungle was a work of art.

Esme and Alice were masters of understated elegance, using ridiculously expensive fabrics and priceless artifacts collected from every corner of the world. The homes on the rez were run-down yet functional and filled with the "artifacts" of daily life. The contrast was as stark as black and white. Most of the people on the rez were as poor as the Cullen's were rich.

Jacob had promised her a "roof over her head and a floor under her feet". He warned her that he could not afford a big fancy house. Life with Jacob would be much different from life with her family. Nessie felt exhilarated and excited by this realization. Jacob would provide the house—she would make it a home.

Nessie continued her visual inventory of Old Quil's living room and started a mental list of the skills she needed to learn… tatting, knitting, crochet, weaving, and quilting were just the beginning.

Small framed photographs sat atop handmade lace doilies on each horizontal surface. Nessie's eyes were drawn to one in particular. Three small mud-covered boys stood arm in arm with mischievous grins plastered across their faces.

Quil, Jake, and Embry looked much different as children; but she easily recognized them. Old Quil chuckled softly. "Those little rascals weren't so happy when I turned the hose on them."

"That water was freezing!" Jake shivered melodramatically. "It's a miracle we didn't all catch pneumonia."

Nessie glimpsed the spirit of a much younger man in Old Quil's twinkling eyes. "It served you right. You should have heard the tongue lashing your mother gave me when she came to get you. She even accused me of 'not watching' you boys like I promised. I watched you alright—I just didn't stop you."

Nessie giggled and felt a familiar tug in her heart as she imagined Jake's sons playing in the mud. She suspected her increased yearning to bear children was a direct result of imprint magic. Her smile froze on her face and her blood ran cold when she realized the desire to consummate their relationship was due to the imprint's purpose of procreation.

_Is my love for Jake nothing more than a mating instinct? Am I a bitch in heat? _The thought sickened her until she felt Jake's arm wrap around her shoulder and his warm breath in her ear when he whispered, "Are you okay, Nessie?"

She couldn't deny the tenderness of his concern. There was no hint of the wolf in his husky voice. No primal lust in his gentle caress. She simply nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Jacob, please close the door. I'm not a hot-blooded young wolf like you. I can't seem to get warm no matter how many blankets I use." Old Quil was trembling and it wasn't just because he was frail. He was cold. Nessie wondered why he didn't just turn up the thermostat—until she realized he probably couldn't afford to pay his heating bill.

Nessie was consumed with guilt as she pondered the inequality of life. It was ridiculous. Her family kept their home at a constant seventy-two degrees Fahrenheit just incase some human wandered by and knocked on their door. There was no reason to heat the 5,000 square foot monstrosity above forty degrees. All they needed to do was keep the pipes from freezing.

Jake disentangled his arm from Nessie's shoulder to shut the door. He raised his eyebrows in question as he led her to a sagging armchair then glanced at the old man shivering on the couch. Nessie squeezed Jake's hand and smiled encouragingly at him.

Jake carefully lowered his massive frame next to Old Quil and draped his arm nonchalantly across the back of the couch. The old man relaxed and leaned into Jake's side with a sigh.

Nessie's heart swelled with love as she witnessed yet another example of the empathy and compassion that motivated Jacob Black in everything he did. "Nessie Sweetheart, why don't you read the poem to Mr. Ateara? She had to blink her eyes to clear away the tears blurring her vision before she began.

"Where did you get that?" Old Quil's arthritic and claw-like hands shook as he clutched Nessie's wrist. The fire in his eyes hinted at the power and passion trapped inside his frail aging body and Nessie was afraid. "Did Embry Call or Leah Clearwater give it to you?"

"N-n-no, I found it." Nessie stuttered. "It was in a box that belonged to my grandfather, Carlisle Cullen."

Old Quil seemed to shrink as he leaned even closer into Jake's side. He groaned and began to shiver again. Jake rubbed the old man's arm gently but his voice was tinged with power. "Quil, it's important. I need you to tell me what you know."

It was the first time Nessie had ever heard anyone call him "Quil". Everyone always referred to him affectionately as "Old Quil" when he wasn't around, or the more formal "Mr. Ateara" to his face. Nessie felt the balance of power shift in that moment.

Old Quil sighed with relief as he absently wiped a tear off his cheek. "The secret was supposed to die with me, Jacob. How did this happen? How did Embry and Leah find out?"

"I have no idea. That's why we're here. Now tell me what you know." Jake stared patiently and kindly at Old Quil until he acquiesced.

"I need my glasses." He pointed to the table beside Nessie. She picked them up carefully and handed them to him with the poem she had copied earlier.

"I was just a small boy when the tragedy occurred, but I will never forget it."

"What tragedy?" Nessie blurted unintentionally. Jake shot her a look that was clearly a rebuke. She bit her tongue to hold back the sarcastic retort that was almost instinctual for her. In their relationship, Nessie expected to be treated as an equal. As the leader of the Quileute Nation, Jacob expected to be obeyed. _This isn't going to be easy._

Jake smiled lovingly at Nessie as he patted Old Quil with affection. "Please continue."

Old Quil sat up a little straighter and cleared his throat. "The rituals of Binding and Breaking were still taught as part of our history and legends even after they were forbidden by Taha Aki. He believed imprinting was a gift from our ancestors to bless the lives of the spirit warriors. It was a reward for their service and sacrifice on behalf of the people. To interfere with imprinting in anyway was an insult and angered the gods.

"The Binding Ritual, while not as dangerous, was the first step to the often-fatal Breaking Ritual. Embry Call and Leah Clearwater are guilty of performing the Binding Ritual."

"Quil, if they are guilty of anything it is of being desperately in love. What is the binding ritual?"

"May I continue?" Old Quil asked indignantly.

Jake smiled and nodded his head. "I'm sorry."

"Like I said, the rituals were forbidden but not secret. Everyone knew about them. One day while on patrol, one of our warriors discovered a cold one attacking a family of white trappers. Once the evil leech was destroyed, Kaliso discovered a young woman cowering under the roots of a tree. Even after he phased she would not willing leave her hiding place."

Nessie imagined what it must have been like for the poor girl. She witnessed the death of her family, watched a giant wolf tear a vampire apart, and then saw said wolf magically turn into a man—probably a completely naked man at that. No wonder she didn't want to leave her hiding place.

"Kaliso drug the girl, kicking and screaming, into the village. She presented a serious problem. If we took her to one of the white settlements, they would accuse our warriors of abusing her. She had no valuable skills to contribute and would be a burden to our people.

"Kaliso was a fierce warrior but a kind and gentle man. He took pity on the girl named Martha, and promised to provide for her." Old Quil chuckled at the expression on Jake's face. "No Jacob, he did not imprint on her, but he did fall in love with her. She fell in love with him as well.

"Martha learned quickly, but never did learn to pronounce more than a few of our words. She loved to listen to our stories and legends and wrote them in her book." Nessie's eyes lit up as she thought of the treasures of knowledge the woman's journal contained.

"During her first year with us, two of the spirit warriors imprinted and deserted their wives and children. Martha was afraid to marry Kaliso even though he had already won her heart. One day in the dead of winter Kaliso and Martha left the village. When they returned that evening, Kaliso was missing one of his fingers." Old Quil lifted his left hand and extended his ring finger.

"The elders were furious but what could they do? The deed was done. There was no undoing it. It was fortunate for Kaliso and Martha that no disasters befell the tribe that year, for it is certain they would have been blamed for it."

"They had a season of happiness before Kaliso imprinted on a daughter of the Makah chief. The Binding Ritual protected the bond between Kaliso and Martha, but his desire for his imprint broke her heart.

"It was the first wife's duty to decide the fate of the family. Martha could have accepted Kaliso's imprint as a sister-wife, many chose that path in the old days. She embraced many of our ways, but she could not accept another woman in Kaliso's bed. She preferred to risk his life and attempt to break the imprint rather than share him."

"Her choice cost the life of Kaliso's brother as well as that of her husband."

Nessie frowned and demanded, "How?" She whispered "sorry" and bit her lip.

This time Jake did not censure her, but interrupted Old Quil as well. "Yes, why did his brother die?"

Old Quil did not seem offended but he was subdued when he resumed speaking. "This is why these stories are no longer shared. The Breaking Ritual is extremely dangerous. There is only one thing toxic enough to break the bond of an imprint. Can you not guess what it is?"

"It's not vampire venom, is it?" Jake asked.

"Of course it is, Jacob. What else could it be?"

"But how did they manage to get vampire venom? Ask the Cullens? Surely they would have mentioned it."

"No Son, Kaliso and his brother tracked a cold one and collected its venom before killing it. Unfortunately, it bit Kaliso's brother before he tore its head off. Kaliso placed his brother's body high in the branches of a cedar tree to protect it from wild animals then met his wife and his imprint at a hut he built for the express purpose of performing the Breaking Ritual.

Old Quil was silent and seemed lost in thought. Jake placed a hand on the old man's knee and gently asked, "Are you going to tell me how to perform the Breaking Ritual?"

"Are you going to allow Embry Call to attempt it?" Old Quil countered.

"It's not my choice. It's Embry's." Jake answered solemnly.

"Traditionally, it would be Leah Clearwater's choice."

"In any case Quil, if there is a way, we owe it to Embry and Leah to tell them what it is and let them decide if the risk is worth it."

"We all promised never to speak of the forbidden rituals again. I am the last one, Jacob. The secret is supposed to die with me."

"Listen to me Quil. You don't have a choice. It is my responsibility and duty to take care of my pack. Embry and Leah are both members of my pack and you will tell me all I need to know to end their suffering if they so choose. If this does not end well, the sin is on my head not yours."

Old Quil dropped his head into his hands and sobbed. Jake slid to his knees on the floor in front of him and gently pried his hands away from his face. Jake placed his palms on Old Quil's cheeks and looked into his eyes. "As a son of Taha Aki I release you from your promise and lift the burden of this secret from your shoulders. Tell me."

Old Quil took a deep shaky breath. "To break an imprint the warrior paints the blade of his knife with a small amount of vampire venom and cuts his wrist. The first wife, the woman he has _not_ imprinted on must stay away from him during the time the poison burns through his body. His imprint must be present during the time of his suffering. She has to help care for him and hers must be the first face he sees when he opens his eyes."

Jake froze then started to tremble. "Jacob, are you okay?" Nessie didn't like the look on his face.

Jake ignored her and stared at Old Quil. "Are you sure about this, Quil? That's all it takes to break an imprint?" He nodded his head.

"NO!" Jake shouted then sat back on his heels. "That can't be right." His trembling worsened.

Nessie immediately went to him and put her palms on his cheeks. _"What is it Jake? What's wrong Love? Please calm down. You can't phase in here."_

Jake's eyes were wild as he grabbed Nessie's wrists, but he didn't pull her hands away from his face. He only spoke two words, but they sent a chill down her spine and stopped her heart.

"The river."

~***~


	45. Recollections of the River

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

~***~

_Previously… Jake's eyes were wild as he grabbed Nessie's wrists, but he didn't pull her hands away from his face. He only spoke two words, but they sent a chill down her spine and stopped her heart. _

"_The river."_

Chapter 45: Recollections of the River

Nessie's heart resumed beating frantically. She knew what Jake was thinking, but her mind refused to accept it. "What are you saying, Jacob?"

Jake pulled her hands away from his cheeks and quickly kissed each palm before he pulled her onto his lap. He pressed her head against his chest and she could barely hear him over the pounding of his heart. "It's okay Nessie. I never stopped loving you. My feelings never changed. You are still my imprint. You are still _mine._"

"Jacob?" Old Quil's voice was shaking. Jake took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out as he exhaled.

"It's okay, Quil. I just panicked for a moment because Nessie and I experienced a… situation that sounds similar to the Breaking Ritual. For a second there, I was afraid that maybe our imprint might have been broken." Jake laughed nervously. "Ridiculous, huh?"

Old Quil removed his glasses and set the poem down on the decrepit couch. "What situation Jacob? What happened?"

"It's not important. Our imprint bond is as strong as ever." Jake's tense posture and trembling body seemed to contradict his confident words.

"Um… Mr. Ateara? I could show you what happened. That is if you want me to." Nessie's face flushed with shame at the thought of revealing her worst sin to the most respected Elder of Jacob's tribe.

"Nessie Sweetheart, you don't have to do that. You still have nightmares about the river. Besides, there is no doubt in my mind… we did not break our imprint." Jake's face was turning grey as he ran his hands over his head. Nessie grabbed his wrists before he could start tugging on his hair.

"Jake, we need to know to for sure. If you don't want me to show him, we have to at least tell him what happened." Nessie put her palm on Jake's cheek and projected her feelings of love, devotion, and commitment to him. She also sent him a brief flash of one of her favorite fantasies. Not enough to arouse him, but just a little something to distract him from his anxiety.

Jake gasped and grabbed her wrist. "Nessie!"

She smiled at the shocked look on his face and innocently replied, "What?" Jake just shook his head and kissed her palm. He looked into her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"If Mr. Ateara is willing, yes, I want to show him what happened. I'll be okay Jake. I could show you at the same time, if you want to know what happened while you were unconscious."

Jake sighed with resignation. "If you are going to show him Ness, you need to show him all of it. Not just what happened in the river. Show him everything that happened afterwards, my sickness, the way you took care of me… and when I opened my eyes for the first time. Can you do that?"

She nodded and humbly knelt in front of the old man. "Mr. Ateara, this is a memory I've tried hard to repress. I won't be able to control my emotions. You will see everything I saw, hear everything I heard, and feel everything I felt. It will be intense." Nessie looked into the old man's eyes. "Are you sure you want me to do this?"

Old Quil swallowed loudly and nodded his head.

"Quil, are you strong enough? When she says it will be intense… it might be too stressful for your heart."

He snorted in derision. "If it gets to be too much, I'll tell her to stop."

Jake nodded, returned to the couch and casually picked up Old Quil's hand, two of his fingers resting on his pulse point. Old Quil rolled his eyes as Jake shot Nessie a meaningful glance and signaled for her to begin.

She placed one palm on the smooth planes of Jake's angular face and the other on the sagging flesh of Old Quil's wrinkled cheek. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes…

_The tepid river water felt like velvet against her skin… drifting effortlessly, her body completely relaxed and weightless. It was so peaceful… chirruping insects… the lonely call of a night bird… And then…_

_Somewhere in the distance, a jungle cat snarled a challenge into the night, activating the primal predator lurking within her. __Hunt. Track. Kill. Feed._

"_Nessie we don't have time to hunt tonight, we have to get back." Jake's voice calling her back to her senses. Jake's arms wrapping securely around her, calming her, even though her throat burned painfully with desire for the predator's blood._

_Jake rolled onto his back pulling her head up onto his shoulder and ever so gently lowered his wrist onto her lips._

_Her hands curled around Jake's forearm and she pressed his wrist tightly into her open mouth. Jake gasped when her teeth sank into his flesh, piercing skin, muscle, and artery. Her nails dug into his arm as she moaned in ecstasy. She drank hungrily, savoring the hot, pulsing stream of living blood as it poured down her throat. __Nothing can compare with this; there can be no pleasure greater than this in the entire world. In the entire universe._

"Nessie, stop." Jake was kissing both her palms when she opened her eyes, but the first thing she saw was the horrified expression on Old Quil's face.

She ducked her head as tears of shame flowed down her face and murmured, "I'm so sorry."

"Is it really like that? The unbearable need? The burning thirst?" Nessie nodded then glanced up. Old Quil's expression had changed from horror to compassion. "How do you fight it?" A flash of fear momentarily illuminated his dark brown eyes. "Do you thirst for my blood?"

"The desire is always there, but it isn't usually as strong as what I just showed you. I've learned to control it." _For the most part. _Nessie cringed as she remembered her most recent episode of full-blown blood lust in the limo on the way to the hotel.

"I'm ready for you to show me the rest of it." He took a deep breath, reached for her hand and placed it back on his face.

"Are you sure?" Nessie asked Old Quil, but she looked at Jake for permission to proceed. He nodded slowly so Nessie put her other hand on Jake's cheek and began where she left off…

_The current of the river picked up speed. The surface of the water began to churn and foam. The rapids sucked them both under the water, but she was still feeding when they resurfaced._

_Jake's quiet moan brought her to her senses. She pulled away and panicked when the bite didn't begin to heal immediately. "Oh Jake, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to take so much! Are you okay?" _

"_Sure, sure, I'm fine... blood 'generates quick… 'member? Wolf thing." _

"_Oh Jacob, Jacob, I don't know what came over me, it's never been like this before." She began to cry quietly. "I will never drink from you again, Jacob! I promise."_

"_S'okay" Nessie had never heard Jake's voice sound so weak before. She was terrified._

_Jake's eyes rolled back into his head, and his body went completely slack, as the angry river sucked them both beneath the surface._

Nessie began to tremble. She was still too traumatized by their near drowning experience to endure a replay so she skipped ahead to the riverbank…

"_Nessie?" It was barely a breath, no more than a sigh, but she heard him whisper her name._

"_I'm here Jake, I'm here. It's going to be okay, you're going to be fine now." She began to hum some wordless lullaby from her earliest memories._

"_Nessie? I'm cold." She began to cry harder, knowing she couldn't help him. _

She fast-forwarded through Nahuel's rescue, the journey to his camp, and their discussion about her venomous nature until they were in the old canvas tent…

_Nessie brushed Jake's wet hair off his face and kissed his brow. He still felt unnaturally cold, and continued to shiver uncontrollably. Jake groaned in pain as his muscles contracted in knots. He began to fight as if he were still under water, throwing the_ _blanket off. "Shush, it's okay, you're safe now, I have you." Nessie soothed as she rocked him gently._

Nessie paused and focused on the different plants Nahuel had gathered in the jungle, hoping Jake could help her identify them later if Embry decided to go through with the breaking ritual…

_Nahuel crushed the leaves of the plants between his fingers and dropped them into boiling water. _

_Jake convulsed violently; his muscles contracting so spectacularly his back arched off the ground. Nessie tried to restrain him with her own body by lying on top of him. If she had been a mere human, the power of Jake's thrashing would have seriously injured her. _

_When the medicine was ready, Nessie held Jake's head up, one hand on his forehead, the other under his chin. She prayed Jake would recover as Nahuel slowly poured the foul smelling brew down his throat._

_Jake's body temperature spiked and he soon drenched the blanket with sweat. Nahuel handed Nessie a damp cloth. She hated the smell of the river it had been soaked in, but took it with gratitude and placed it on Jake's brow. _

_"It is better if you bathe his entire body." Nahuel told her how to lower Jake's fever. "Be careful not to let him get chilled, only expose the part you are bathing. Keep the rest of him covered." _

_Nessie moved to Jake's side and knelt on the ground beside him. She slowly uncovered one arm and gently wiped it with the damp cloth. Jake sighed as it cooled his fevered skin. When that arm no longer burned with fever, she tucked it back inside the blanket and bathed the other. She never left Jake's side._

_The next morning Jake and the blanket he was wrapped in had a sour, pungent scent, a mixture of sweat, river, medicine and smoke, but he was sleeping soundly. She was disgusted by her foul smelling matted hair and borrowed Nahuel's knife to cut it off. _

She was momentarily distracted by Jake's growl when she showed how Nahuel insisted on cutting her hair for her. She projected her love and loyalty to Jake then refocused on the memory…

_She ran her hand over her head and laughed. It felt good. There were still a few tangles, but she was able to tease them apart with her fingers._

_Jake stirred at the sound of her laughter. She was immediately at his side again, her hand on his forehead checking to see if the fever had returned. He felt warm, but not feverish, just the way he was supposed to feel. Jake opened his eyes and croaked, "Nessie? What happened to your hair?"_

Nessie sighed and leaned back as her hands slid off Jake and Old Quil's faces. Jake kissed both her palms and pulled her back onto his lap. He kissed her cheek and whispered, "You did great sweetheart. I know that was hard for you. I'm so proud of you."

Old Quil looked exhausted. "Well, that explains a lot."

"What?... What do you mean?"

"All the fights you've had with Nessie. It's not normal for imprinted couples."

"Everyone fights. You should hear Embry and Leah…"

Old Quil shook his head sadly, but his eyes never left Jacob's. "Embry and Leah aren't imprints. Those two are bound by magic, but it's not imprint magic. An imprinted relationship is as easy and natural as breathing—perfect domestic bliss.

"Think Son, what was your relationship with Renesmee like before she bit you?"

"That's different," Jake argued. "Nessie was just a child, maybe a teenager for a few months before she bit me, but now she's a fully mature woman. She's actually older than I am so we're bound to butt heads once in awhile." Jake sounded desperate, like a condemned man pleading for his life.

"What about Paul and Rachael? Your sister is as stubborn as they come and is much older than that hotheaded idiot she married. How many fights have they had? Do they butt heads?"

Jake shook his head repeatedly as he mumbled to himself. "No, it can't be. It's not true. Nessie is my soul mate, she's my imprint."

"Listen to me, Jacob. Do you always know when she is distressed or unhappy, even though you aren't within sight or hearing distance?" Old Quil held up his hand to halt Jake's impending interruption.

_Jake was always there for me when I was little. He was the first to find me when I bit off Emmett's finger. He was the one that followed me into the trees as high as he could climb. Jake was always the one that sat in the hall outside my door when I was exiled to my room for bad behavior._

_Yet when I learned he had been in love with my mother and wanted to kill me… the absolute worst day of my life… He had no idea of the pain I was suffering until he came off patrol hours later and forced Leah to show him what happened. _

"Do you always know immediately and instinctively what to say or do to calm her when she is hurt or angry?"

_Always before the river—rarely after. In fact, Jacob pisses me off on a regular basis._

"Can you find her by following her pull no matter where she is, even if her scent is confused or missing?"

_He couldn't even find me in the baggage claim area at the airport in Seattle—much less in the jungle the horrible day I ran away from camp. He had no clue where I was, even though I was sobbing in my father's arms and wishing I were dead._

"And you," Old Quil startled Nessie when he pointed at her and raised his voice, "Do you always obey him without question?"

_What the hell? _Nessie's eyes flashed with anger for a second before she remembered who was addressing her. She tried to be respectful, but a bit of insolence crept into her voice. "Never. Not even before I bit him."

"That was a trick question. No woman obeys every time, not even an imprint." Old Quil was the only one that laughed, but he stopped when Nessie glared at him. He stared back defiantly until she looked away. "An imprint is a lot more likely to obey her mate. Not because she is subservient, but because he would never ask her to do anything out of selfishness or that was not in her best interest."

"Nessie is still my imprint!" Jake didn't exactly yell, but there was no denying the passion and conviction behind his words. "I cannot live without her; In fact I would gladly die for her. She is the center of my universe, my reason for existing." Jake was blinking furiously trying to hide his tears. He looked at her with all the desperation of a drowning man and whispered, "Nessie, you are my soul mate."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered back, "Of course I am Jacob, and you are mine."

"I don't understand." Jake kissed her head then looked at Old Quil. "How can I feel so tightly bound to her if the imprint is broken?"

Nessie pulled away from Jake so she could see the old man's face. "Haven't you ever heard of 'true love'?" Old Quil rested his spotted and wrinkled hand on Jake's shoulder. "It's what the rest of us search all our lives for and few of us ever find. Nessie is still your soul mate Jacob. The imprint didn't create that, it only proved it."

Nessie's heart soared as she realized what this meant. "Jacob—you _love_ me. It's real. You aren't being controlled by magic. You really truly love _me_! Not because of some ancient curse, but because… because you _just do_!"

She threw her arms around his neck and began to kiss every inch of him she could reach… his cheeks, his brow, his eyes, his nose, his neck, his chest, and finally his mouth.

Her soaring heart sank like a rock when Jake did not respond to her kisses. She pulled away and looked into his glazed eyes. Fear settled in her stomach like a cold hard stone.

Jake's voice sounded like someone was strangling him. "Does… this mean… could I… imprint on someone else?"

~***~


	46. Granted Wishes

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

~***~

_Previously… _Jake's voice sounded like someone was strangling him. "Does this mean… could I… imprint on someone else?"

Chapter 46: Granted Wishes

Nessie was already sitting in Jake's lap, her hand resting on his chest. When his words reached her brain she felt her world shatter. Again. Just like it did that horrible day in the jungle when she overheard Leah and Embry fighting. She clung to Jake fiercely, her hands fisting the fabric of his shirt. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She couldn't move.

This was worse than learning Jake had been in love with her mother, worse than knowing he wanted to murder her as an infant—and so indescribably, undeniably worse than believing his love wasn't "real". She had wanted proof of Jake's love… the phrase "be careful what you wish for" echoed through her mind. _How could I possibly have doubted him? Every look, every touch, every gesture testifies of his unconditional and undying devotion. What if I lose him? I will die if he imprints on someone else. _

Nessie flashed back to the day of Carlisle's memorial… She remembered her jealousy when she saw Jake standing in a crowd of fawning women. Nessie tried to picture Jake's awestruck expression of pure adoration directed at someone other than herself. The concept was inconceivable.

Nessie's vision darkened around the edges as she hyperventilated. Her hands and face felt numb as her body began to tremble uncontrollably. The roaring in her ears made it difficult to hear Old Quil's assurances. "I've never heard of anyone imprinting twice. I believe it is a once-in-a-lifetime gift. Besides, how many soul mates can one person have?"

"Are you sure, Quil? I don't… I can't risk losing her." Jake's voice sounded distant and distorted. "Nessie Sweetheart, open your eyes. It's okay, Baby. We are going to be okay. I love you Ness... More than life itself, I love you. I'll never leave you, I promise." She felt Jake's soft warm lips on her forehead and struggled to open her eyes.

She was too distraught to speak so she placed her palm on his cheek and projected her fear of losing him. She even showed him an image she didn't realize she was capable of conjuring… Jake in the arms of a dark-skinned, black-haired beauty… glistening copper-skinned bodies entwined in tangled white sheets.

Jake grabbed her wrists, and shook her gently. "No way, Ness. That is _never happening! _Look at me! You are mine and I am yours. Forever."

"How can you be sure?" Nessie was still shaking violently so she was surprised when Jake set her gently on the floor and stood up. She reached out for him but he stepped back and turned away. She felt confused and abandoned. "Jacob?"

If she had been more alert, perhaps she could have stopped him. Probably not.

Fast as lightning, Jake unsnapped the leather sheath holding the knife on his belt. There was a flash of silver, a stifled gasp of pain, and bright red blood gushing from Jake's hand.

Nessie stared at the grisly chunk of flesh on the floor, shocked beyond words. The horror of seeing Jake cut off his own finger vied for dominance against the burning desire for his blood.

Jake swore under his breath, knelt beside her and then cupped her face with his uninjured hand. His blood was calling to her. The sweet and salty aroma assaulted her senses as the rich life-giving elixir poured down his hand, so close to her mouth. He was wasting it, letting it run like a river down his arm and dripping off his elbow onto the floor.

It would be so easy to part her lips and… _No! I promised God I would never drink from Jake again! I won't do it! _ She covered her mouth and nose with her hands and tightly closed her eyes as she scooted away from him.

"Nessie look at me. You better cry damn it, I need your tears to make this work."

"Wh… why Jake? Why did you do that?" Nessie was fighting a losing battle with herself. Venom flooded her mouth so quickly it nearly choked her.

"Because I didn't want to gouge out my eyes. Now cry! Hurry up before the wound seals. I really don't want to do that again."

Nessie tore her gaze away from the bleeding stump of Jake's ring finger and stared into his pain-filled eyes. Her blood-lusting brain finally started to process all of the available information. _Of course... the ritual… "By my own hand and my own knife, I sever flesh and offer life…"_

_Jake is trying to protect our bond._ The sight of his suffering triggered her tears, but when he tried to place his hand on her face to mingle them with his blood, she hissed and jumped back.

"What the hell, Nessie? It's already done. Don't refuse my sacrifice. It won't make the finger grow back."

"It's the blood... Can't resist... Please Jake… don't… I can't…"

"Allow me." Old Quil reached his trembling hand out and gathered Nessie's tears on his fingertip. He held it over Jake's wound and Nessie watched, mesmerized, as three tear drops fell onto the raw bloody stump.

"All done. You two are bound by the ancient and _illegal _rite of binding." Old Quil pulled a worn linen handkerchief out of his back pocket and handed it to Jake as he mumbled, "Crazy, idiotic kid. I hope you know you are going to have to clean up this mess."

Jake groaned as he bound the handkerchief around his finger and nodded. "Sure, sure, whatever."

~***~

The fresh scent of Jake's hot blood soaking into the braided rug made her throat burn so severely it felt as if it were on fire. She panted in pain and clutched her throat. "Nessie Sweetheart, wait for me outside, you need some fresh air." Even though he was in obvious agony, Jake was worried about her. The man's capacity for compassion in the face of his own suffering was amazing.

"It's okay Jake, I can handle it." He had cut off his own finger to protect her, the least she could do was stay by his side while it healed.

Jake surprised her with his "Alpha" voice, "Get out of the damn house, Nessie. I know what the scent of my blood is doing to you. There is no reason for you to suffer."

She didn't want to leave. She wanted to comfort him—to do something to ease his pain. But maybe that's why he wanted her out of the house… maybe it would be easier for him to deal with the pain if he could yell and cuss, or even cry without worrying about how it would affect her.

"You need to hunt, Nessie. We still have a bonfire to go to tonight. We can't take any chances. Besides, this should be healed by the time you get back." Jake smiled encouragingly at her even though he was still panting from the pain of his injury. "Just go, okay? Please?"

Nessie waited on the porch after Old Quil called his grandson to come over and "escort" her into the forest. She knew the old man wasn't overly concerned about her feeling lonely. She suspected he didn't quite trust her after experiencing the power of bloodlust up close and personal through her gift… not to mention witnessing how hard she struggled to keep from grabbing Jake's bleeding stump and popping it into her mouth.

Jake should have warned her he was going to be spilling blood. In fact, he should have asked her if she even wanted him to cut off his damn finger. _What was he thinking?_

What if he _had_ asked her first? What would she have said? She would have said "Hell no!" She never would have agreed to let him amputate his finger. Severed body parts don't grow back, not even on a werewolf—Embry Call proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. This was all her fault. She never should have shared her fears with Jake, or shown him that horrible image of him making love to another woman.

She never would have agreed to it if he had asked her—but he didn't ask. He protected her from having to make the choice. If she were being honest, she had to admit that part of her was relieved that their bond was protected. A very selfish and cowardly part of her to be sure—but a part that could not be denied.

~***~

"So Jake actually cut off his own finger? Right there in Grandpa's front room?" Quil Jr. offered her his hand, pulled her off the porch, and led her into the forest. He didn't seem upset by the fact his Alpha had just mutilated himself to protect his non-imprinted relationship with a bloodsucking leech.

"I knew that many of our legends were lost and forgotten, but I never would have guessed that Grandpa was the keeper of secret and forbidden rituals. That is just so cool."

"What the hell, Quil?" Nessie stopped abruptly and jerked her hand out of his grasp. "How is it cool? Jake just cut off his finger! It's not going to grow back either." Nessie's tears began to flow again.

"Don't cry Nessie, It's not like he poked his eyes out, it's just the tip of his finger anyway. It won't affect his ability to fight bloodsuck… vampires. He's not going to miss it. Not nearly as much as he would miss you if he imprinted."

"That's not the way it works, Quil. You know damn well that if he had imprinted on someone else before binding himself to me with that barbaric ritual... He wouldn't miss me at all. Now if he imprints, he'll be just as miserable as Embry."

Another wave of guilt washed over her as she caught the scent of a young doe. She was as eager to end the painful conversation, as she was to quench the fire in her throat. She took off after the deer and managed to take it down effortlessly and humanely. Nessie felt a little self-conscious when she finished draining it and noticed Quil had his back turned toward her. _He probably thinks I'm a disgusting blood-sucking leech._

"I'm done now. You can turn around."

Quil trotted over to the deer's drained carcass, whipped out his knife and began to field dress it. His nonchalant attitude helped her feel a little less awkward. "I know a family that could use this meat. You don't mind do you?"

"No, of course not. I'm glad someone can use it."

"You know Nessie, we try to honor the animals we take by using as much of their bodies as possible. Our ancestors ate the meat, carved the bones into tools, tanned the hides, and used the sinew to bind and sew." Nessie steeled herself for the lecture she was certain Quil was going to give her about how wasteful her diet was. She was surprised when instead of chastising her; he proposed a partnership.

"About the only thing we've never used is the blood. Do you think your family would mind if one of us went with them when they hunted? So we could at least harvest the meat and the hides?"

"Um… you would have to ask them, but I'm sure at least some of them would be okay with it." _There is no way in hell Rosalie will agree to something like that._

Quil wrapped the best cuts of meat in the deer's hide and left the rest with the bones and a blessing upon the deer's spirit. "The coyotes will have a feast tonight. Come on Nessie, let's get back to the house. I can't wait to talk to Grandpa about these secret rituals."

"I doubt if Old Qui… I mean Mr. Ateara is going to want to talk about it. He was already upset about Embry and Leah binding themselves before Jake cut off his finger and bled all over his living room."

"Holy sh… crap! That's right! Embry sacrificed a part of himself and I'll bet some of Leah's tears fell onto his face and mixed with his blood. That's awesome!"

"You know Quil, if I didn't know you better… I'd think you were a sadistic son of a bitch."

"Seems you've developed a bit of a potty-mouth, Nessie. I hope you know better than to talk like that around Claire-bear." He ignored her snort of indignation and kept talking. "Besides, I didn't mean it was awesome that Embry gouged out his eyes. I meant it was awesome that he didn't stop loving Leah even though he imprinted. So, how did you and Jake break your imprint anyway? I'm guessing it was an accident."

"Of course it was an accident! Why would we want to break our imprint?"

"I seem to remember that you were pretty darned upset about Jake being 'forced to love you'. Maybe he broke it to prove that his love was real."

Nessie fought to control her temper. "You have no idea how upset we are about losing our imprint. Come here."

Quil looked at her suspiciously. "Why?"

"Since you are so fascinated by these secret rituals, I thought I'd show you how they worked."

Quil smiled and stepped closer. "Cool!"

_Let's see how cool you think it is when I give you the uncensored version complete with all the terror, pain and bloodlust. _

"This might be a little intense and even a little painful, are you sure you can handle it?" Nessie knew Quil's pride would not let him stop her after a challenge like that—no matter how intense or painful it was. She knelt on the ground, pointed to the spot right in front of her, and commanded, "Sit."

Quil looked at her a bit warily, but nodded and sank gracefully to the ground. He sat cross-legged with his hands resting on his knees. Nessie placed her palms on his cheeks and projected everything from the magic of Jake's first kiss to the throat-searing, crazed desire for his blood just a few moments ago.

When she finished, Nessie was physically and emotionally drained. Quil just sat on the ground with his mouth hanging open. All he managed to say was "Oh."

~***~

**A/N I want to thank everyone that has reviewed this story, placed it on alert, or listed it as a favorite. You have all truly enriched my life and contributed to this ongoing saga by inspiring and motivating me. **

**Sincerely,**

**Charlotte Webber**


	47. Alice Is Going to Kill Me

Chapter 47: Alice is Going to Kill Me

"I really wish you hadn't shown Quil all that stuff, Nessie. These rituals were banned and declared secret for a reason."

"Oh come on Jake, like your entire pack isn't going to see everything the minute you phase? He already knew most of it anyway. What difference does it make?" Guilt made Nessie a little defensive. She knew it wasn't her secret to share.

She stopped walking, swallowed her pride, and put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry Jake, you're right. I know it's no excuse but Quil upset me when he hinted that we broke our imprint on purpose. I just wanted him to understand what happened. I didn't mean to interfere with pack business. Can you forgive me?"

"Nessie Sweetheart, I'm not mad at you, so there's nothing to forgive. I just want to be sure you understand the serious nature of these rituals. There are going to be lots of people at the bonfire that don't know _any_ of our secrets. To them, the old stories are just that… stories—nothing more. We have to be careful about what we say tonight."

"Sure, sure, no problem," Nessie mumbled as she gently took Jake's injured hand in her own. Dark pink skin had grown over the severed tip… completely sealing the wound just below the top knuckle. It was barely noticeable. "Does it still hurt?"

"A little, but it's getting better. By the way, the official story is that I slammed my finger in the car door. Not very imaginative, but believable." Jake pulled a piece of bloody gauze and a finger-splint out of his pocket and slipped them on. "It was too mangled to attempt to reattach it."

"What's the matter with me?" Nessie smacked her forehead with her palm. "I didn't even think about reattaching your finger. I know you can't go to just any doctor, but Morgan could have taken care of it. She already knows about your healing powers and healthy body temp of 108.9 degrees. I can't believe we didn't think of it!"

"If I wanted to reattach it, I could have done it myself, Ness. All I had to do was hold it in place while everything grew back together."

"Well then why didn't you?" Nessie didn't mean to raise her voice, but she didn't understand why Jake neglected to reattach his finger.

"Old Quil and I discussed it after you left, Nessie. The sacrifice of flesh is an important part of the ritual. If I had reattached my finger, then the ritual would not have been complete."

"Oh Jacob." Nessie's eyes filled with tears. "I really wish you would have…" Jake interrupted her with a kiss.

"Nah-uh Nessie, what's done is done. I don't want to hear anymore about it, okay?"

She sighed and murmured "okay" as Jake wiped away her tears.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again. When he began to weave his fingers through her curls, the scent of his bloody bandage filled her mouth with venom. Nessie abruptly broke the kiss and stepped away from him, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Ness?" Jake looked confused and a little hurt.

She swallowed the bitter venom quickly and blushed. "I'm so sorry Jake… I didn't want to poison you… I was…" Nessie hung her head in shame and whispered, "…producing venom."

Jake followed her eyes to his bandage. "Oh Baby, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. Damn it, how could I be so stupid?"

"Jake! It's not your fault." He started to pull the "prop" off his finger but Nessie grabbed his hand. "No Jake, it's important for your cover story. Just keep your hand away from my face, okay?"

Jake mumbled, "sure, sure," and bit his lower lip.

Nessie put her hands on his cheeks and whispered, "If you need some ideas of other places for your hands, I could give you a few suggestions."

Jake growled and crushed her lips with his own. As it turned out, he didn't need any suggestions from Nessie. Jake had plenty of ideas of his own.

~***~

"So, are you guys going to the bonfire, or are you just gonna make out in the woods all night?"

Nessie broke the kiss and tried to push away from Jake's body, but he growled and held her closer. He didn't even bother to remove his hands from her butt. "Go to hell, Paul."

Paul laughed and slapped Jake on the back as he passed them on the narrow trail. "It's okay Jake. Junior here needs a little cousin." He slid his hand around Rachel's waist and patted her round belly.

To Nessie's surprise and embarrassment. Jake just laughed and said, "We'll think about it."

"Jacob!" Nessie and Rachel exclaimed in unison.

Nessie swatted his chest and tried again to put a little space between their bodies. Jake smacked her butt playfully before releasing her. Nessie knew her face was beet red but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Jake spun her around, and trapped her body within his arms, which he crossed just below her breasts. Nessie's impenetrable skin did not stop the heat radiating off Jake's torso from soaking into her back. He nuzzled her hair with his chin before kissing the top of her head. "I said we'd think about it. I didn't say we'd actually do it."

Rachel frowned and grabbed Jake's left hand. "Jacob, what happened to your finger?" Nessie was surprised when Jake told her the fabricated story of smashing it in the car door.

Either Paul hadn't heard yet, or he was a very good actor. "Oh man! That must have hurt. Did you even try to reattach it?"

"Naw, it was too big of a mess." Jake shot Paul a look that clearly said, "drop it" but either he didn't notice or didn't care.

"But Dude, you know it would have healed perfectly anyway. All you had to do…"

"Paul." Jake's Alpha voice got the message across. "It wouldn't have worked."

"Sorry Jake. Has it healed over yet? I assume the bandage is just a prop for the 'normals' tonight."

"Yeah, it's fine." Jake grabbed Nessie's hand and started walking up the trail. He looked over his shoulder at the still frowning Paul and grumbled, "So are you going to the bonfire or not?"

~***~

Nessie clung to Jake's side. There were so many people. A large group was gathered around the huge bonfire, several couples strolled along the beach, while a constant stream of young men walked back and forth from the parking lot to the fire, hauling ice chests and boxes of food. From the size of them, Nessie guessed they were either part of the pack or soon would be.

"Hi Nessie! I saved you and Jake a seat over there." Seth pointed to the large bleached trunk of an ancient fallen tree half buried in the sand. Two large quilts draped the weathered wood, clearly marking the spot as "taken".

Jake introduced her to several people as he led her to their "spot". "I'm going to go grab a plate of food and a package of hotdogs to roast. Can I get you anything?"

Nessie groaned as she realized she would need to sample at least some of the food for appearances sake. Jake smiled kindly. "Don't worry. I'll eat your leftovers."

"Okay." Nessie tried to smile, but she knew she couldn't fool Jake. "Just get whatever looks good to you."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Relax Sweetheart. It's going to be fine. You might even have fun."

Nessie seriously doubted she would have "fun". At least her throat wasn't burning. Two deer in one afternoon as well as the refreshing ocean breeze made the scent of human blood tolerable.

Jake wasn't gone for thirty seconds before Embry sat down beside her. "Hey Nessie, how's it going?"

"Fine, thanks. Where's Leah?" Nessie tried to sound friendly instead of nervous but didn't quite pull it off.

Embry nudged her with his shoulder and grinned. "Don't worry. I won't let her bite you. She's getting us some food."

Nessie smiled at him and tried to relax. "How's the pregnancy going?"

"We went to the midwife on the rez as soon as we got home and every thing was great. She estimated the date of conception about six weeks earlier than possible, but we didn't try to correct her. We don't know what to expect of course… considering…"

Embry turned his head and scanned the crowd before continuing in a barely audible whisper. "The baby is growing faster than normal, but not quite as fast as you did. I'm trying to talk Leah into letting Morgan examine her, but you know how stubborn Leah is."

Nessie suddenly liked Embry a lot more than she had in the past. He was treating her as an equal… no, better than an equal. He was treating her like a _friend._

"You know Embry, I'll bet Morgan would be glad to make a house call, especially if I offered to baby-sit little Carl." Nessie's smile spread into a grin. "You should see how much that kid has grown!"

Embry laughed. "I'll bet! If he's anything like you were, he's probably reading by now."

Nessie bit her lip. "He isn't reading yet, but he is talking."

Embry's eyes widened. Or at least his right eye widened. The muscles surrounding the sunken socket on the left side of his face twitched. Nessie focused her gaze on his right eye and smiled. "Sophie and Georgie are reading at a fifth grade level, and the progress they've made learning to speak English is nothing short of amazing."

Embry clenched his jaw and shuddered. Nessie wanted to kick herself for mentioning Sophie. "I'm so sorry Embry! I wasn't thinking…"

"How is she?" Embry interrupted her apology. "I know Jake keeps an eye on her for me—and he lets me see her in his mind when we're both phased. I suspect he censors it though. Will you tell me the truth? I need to know."

Nessie put her hand on his cheek and showed him her most recent memories of Sophie.

"_Aunt Nessie! Momma, Aunt Nessie and Uncle Jake are here!" Sophie launched herself at Nessie and wrapped her arms around her neck. George climbed Jake's body like a monkey and perched on his shoulders._

"_Uncle Jake, when is my Embry coming to see me?" The sadness in Sophie's wide eyes tugged at her heartstrings. _

_Rosalie rolled her eyes and mumbled, " When ever he wants to I'm sure."_

"_I miss him." Sophie sighed and pushed out her lower lip. Rose hissed quietly before placing her hard cold hand on her daughter's back._

"_I know Baby, and I'm sure he misses you too." Rose grimaced, closed her eyes, and whispered, "Jasper? A little help please. Before this gets out control?"_

_A feeling of calm flooded the room and everyone sighed in unison._

_Jake growled and Jasper's deep musical chuckle floated down from his study above them. "Sorry Jacob. I can't focus it as easily from here. You'll just have to chill with everyone else in the room, or leave."_

Nessie felt a hot tear seep under her palm and dropped her hand. "She's does miss you Embry, but Jasper is able to keep her calm and relatively happy."

"Thank you so much Nessie. You have no idea how much that helps."

Nessie felt the cold clammy tendrils of fear creep up her spine. If Jake were to imprint on someone else, he would be torn between two loves just like Embry. He would be just as miserable.

"Embry, can I ask you something personal? If I'm being rude, please just say so and I won't bring it up again."

"Nessie, you can ask me anything. I'll answer if I can."

"What would it take for you to be happy? Can you imagine a scenario where you aren't miserable, now that you've imprinted?"

"Yeah, but it's a long shot. I pray that my feelings for Sophie never change. I can't even imagine her as an adult and I don't want to, but if I could just continue to love Sophie like a daughter, I know Leah would love her too."

"If they do change Embry, you know, when she grows up… is there anyway you could be happy?"

"There is only one way I could survive if that happens." Embry laughed without mirth. "Even if Leah would agree to it, Sophie never would. I might as well kill myself now."

"Are you referring to the way your ancestors sometimes had two wives?"

Embry nodded his head. "But if you ever tell anyone I so much as thought of it, I'll deny it and kill you in your sleep." Nessie wasn't one-hundred percent sure he was joking. "Why do you ask?"

"Uh… no reason, I just wondered if there were a solution where you could all three be happy."

Embry exhaled loudly through pursed lips, puffing his cheeks. "Nope. I can't see any way any of us are going to get a happily-ever-after ending like you and Jake."

"I guess you haven't heard…" Nessie cringed when she remembered she wasn't supposed to talk about the secret rituals with anyone.

"I haven't heard what?" Embry furrowed his brow.

"Crap. I'm not supposed to talk about it. Jake will tell you everything, but please don't say anything to him about it tonight. Okay?"

"Sure kid. Speak of the devil, look who's back with enough food to feed the entire pack."

Embry squeezed her shoulder as he stood up. "It was great talking to you Ness. Let me know if you can work out something with Morgan. I'll feel a lot better once Leah gets checked by someone that knows the whole situation."

"Sure, sure. I'll let you know." Nessie thought about what Embry had confided as she watched him wrap his arms around Leah's expanding waist…

_Two wives? _Nessie shuddered, sickened by the thought. _Could I do that? Even if it were the only way Jake could be happy? _

"Hey Ness, what were you and Embry talking about?" Jake sat down beside her and began skewering hotdogs onto several straightened wire clothes hangers.

"He's been trying to convince Leah to go see Morgan for pre-natal care. Their baby is growing at an accelerated rate, so they can't continue to see the local midwife. I told him I would talk to Morgan about making a house call." Nessie bit her lip and hoped Jake couldn't tell she was hiding something. "She'll jump at the chance if I babysit little Carl while she's here."

"Huh, that will probably work. Morgan is still human so it's fine for her visit the rez. Leah can't use the 'mortal enemy stench' as an excuse to avoid her, either." Jake's hands were full but he still managed to slip an arm over her shoulder and kiss the side of her head. "Thanks Ness, that was really sweet of you to help work that out. Is it any wonder I love you so much?"

"Do you mind?" Jake handed her a couple of hotdog-loaded wires. "I can't handle all of these with this damn finger-splint."

"No problem, Jake. As long as you don't make me eat them, I don't mind cooking a few for you."

Jake laughed and kissed her lips as he moved closer to the fire. "The trick to properly cooking hotdogs is to rotate them slowly over the coals, like this." Jake demonstrated the "proper technique" for about two seconds before he plunged all twelve weiners into the fire. "But if you're hungry, this is much faster."

As soon as his hotdogs caught fire, Jake pulled them out and blew on them to extinguish the blaze. Nessie couldn't keep from laughing as she looked around and noticed all the guys in the pack were using the same method as Jake.

"Hey Jake! Come here!" Quil was standing in the middle of a small group of people on the beach, waving and gesturing wildly.

Jake groaned quietly, kissed Nessie's cheek, and handed her his plate. "I'll be right back; don't let anyone steal my food."

"Okay." Nessie admired the sight of Jake's retreating form as he loped towards his friends on the beach.

The group parted and a young woman launched herself at Jake. Nessie had never wanted so desperately to be human. Human eyes would not have been able to see the beauty of the girl's face from this distance. Human ears would not have heard Jake's heart beat quicken. A human heart would have burst from the pain, killing her quickly instead of letting her watch as the only man she would ever love reached out his arms and snatched the lithe form out of the air.

Nessie gasped with pain when the girl wrapped her arms around Jake's neck and her legs around his waist. Her vision dimmed and the roaring in her ears obscured all sound except for the delighted squeal of "Jaaaay-keeeee!" and the deep resonant voice of her beloved when he queried… "Dee?"

_So, it's happened. My Jacob imprinted on… on… some… Dee? What do I do? _Nessie fought to remain in control of her body. She wanted to run away. She wanted to die. She wanted to kill the little bitch… _No! If this is Jake's imprint, any harm that befalls her will be ten times worse for Jacob. Think about Jake! What does he need? Would it be better for him if I leave? No, that would force him to come find me. He needs to… to… be with her without worrying about me. _

_I can't just sit here! I can't stand this! Oh God, please help me. Help me be strong for Jake. Please take the jealousy and hatred out of my heart. Please help me be what Jacob needs me to be. Please don't let me hurt her. Help me learn to tolerate her. No… teach me to love her… like a sister. Give me the strength to accept a sister-wife like the Quileute women of old. _

"Nessie? Are you okay?" _Seth? _"Mr. Ateara! Something's wrong with Nessie." She felt large warm hands on her face and wrist, then a much smaller, cooler hand brushed the curls off her forehead.

"Go get me a cup of water, Son. Nessie? Can you hear me? What happened? Where's Jake?" At the sound of his name, Nessie whimpered. She didn't resist when Old Quil lifted her hand and placed her open palm on the soft, wrinkled flesh of his cheek. Without even realizing it, she projected the horrible image of Jake imprinting just moments before.

"Nessie, listen to me. Jacob didn't imprint. Dee is just an old friend he hasn't seen in years." Nessie opened her eyes, and Old Quil was looking at her with such compassion. "I am willing to bet my life—what's left of it anyway—that Jacob will never imprint again. You are his soul mate, his other half. Jacob Black cannot be divided into thirds. You will never need to share him with a sister-wife."

Nessie blushed. "You saw that?"

"Yes my child, please don't be embarrassed. I am happy to learn that your love for Jacob is just as pure and selfless as his is for you."

Old Quil wiped the tears from her cheek and murmured something she could not understand.

"What? What was that?" Nessie frowned as she tried to repeat the foreign phrase.

Old Quil smiled kindly and shook his head. "You will never be able to pronounce it, but roughly translated, it means 'generous heart that weeps without reason'. That is how I think of you Renesmee. Before you learned your imprint was broken, you cried because you did not believe Jacob truly loved you. Tonight you cry because you believed Jacob imprinted on another. Both times you cried without reason." He repeated the difficult phrase again. "That is your Quileute name."

"Are you sure he didn't imprint? I saw… I saw him holding her. She had her arms locked around him, her legs…"

"You must have closed your eyes before he pushed her away."

Nessie smiled through her tears. "Jake pushed her away?"

"She landed on her butt." Old Quil whispered conspiratorially, "She never was very graceful."

"Nessie? What's wrong?" She began to cry with relief when Jake's familiar scent, voice, heartbeat, and arms completely enveloped her. He sat on the ground and pulled her into his lap, where she belonged.

"Oh Jake, I thought… I thought…" For the second time in less than a minute, Nessie found herself projecting without realizing what she was doing.

"Oh Baby. No. No, Sweetheart." Jake was shaking even more dramatically than Nessie. "I told you it's not happening."

"I don't believe it!" Old Quil sounded like he was about to choke. _What the hell?_

Jake gasped and whispered urgently into Nessie's ear. "Look at Seth Sweetheart, there's your proof that I didn't imprint on Dee."

Seth's mouth was hanging open, his dark eyes were wide and glazed. He appeared to be in a trance except for the fact that he was panting and his heart was pounding so loudly Nessie was surprised the humans couldn't hear it. The wide slow grin spreading over his face gradually brought his jaw back into normal alignment.

Old Quil placed his hand in the middle of Seth's back and gave him a little shove in the right direction. "Go on boy, go say 'hello' to your soul mate." That's all the encouragement Seth needed. He ran much too quickly across the beach and ended up spraying Dee with sand when he slid to a stop right in front of her.

Jake, Old Quil, and Nessie all laughed as Dee jumped back and tried to hide behind Rachel and Paul. Leah swore and stomped off toward the parking lot with Embry trailing her. "I don't believe this! Not Seth! Not my baby brother."

"Leah Baby, calm down." Embry tried to grab her hand but that only made Leah swear louder. "At least let me get our blankets and the cooler then we can go home."

Embry gathered up their belongings and was halfway to the parking lot when Leah started the car and drove off without him. "Damn it, Leah!" Embry dumped everything on the ground and took after her.

"Embry! How many times do I have to tell you not to chase cars!" Sam Uley tackled him and Nessie was worried that one of them would get hurt, or even worse—phase.

Jake completely ignored the commotion and looked at Old Quil. "Did you tell her about our eyes?"

Old Quil shook his head, and said, "I was too busy trying to get her to open her eyes to tell her about how they matched yours." Nessie and Jake both had brown eyes, but Jake's were much darker. Besides, what does their eye color have to do with anything?

Nessie was a little overwhelmed by all the drama. Seth was desperately trying to convince Dee he wasn't crazy or dangerous. Leah was practically begging for a speeding ticket while her ex-boyfriend and the father of her unborn child were wrestling in the forest.

"Nessie, have you ever noticed any gold specks in my eyes?" If Jake wasn't worried then Nessie decided she shouldn't be either. She took a deep cleansing breath and tried to focus on what Jake was saying. _Gold specks in Jake's eyes…_

"It's one the things I love about your eyes. The specks catch the light and make your eyes sparkle."

"How are they arranged? Do you see a pattern?"

"Well… Your right eye has four specks, three clustered in the lower outside quadrant and one in the upper inside quadrant. Your left eye has five specks, evenly spaced around your iris. Why?"

"Because your eyes have the same specks arranged in the same way, only they are a perfect mirror image of my own. Your right eye has the five evenly spaced specks while your left eye has the clusters."

"That's interesting Jake, but what does that have to do with _anything?_"

"Nessie, the eyes of every imprinted couple here are mirror images of their mates. I'm willing to bet that Seth and Dee's are too. The patterns in our eyes are supposed to be as unique as fingerprints. Don't you see? It's just another sign of how perfectly matched we are. There will never be anyone else for me, Nessie. You're it, Baby… my one and only soulmate."

She grabbed Jake's face with both hands and pulled his lips onto hers. He deepened the kiss and Nessie moaned into his mouth. They broke the kiss when Old Quil cleared his throat.

"Jacob, I think it's time you introduced your wife to the rest of the tribe."

"My wife?" Jake laughed quietly. "We're engaged Quil, not married."

"Oh yes you are. The little stunt you pulled in my living room this afternoon was an ancient marriage ritual performed within the sovereign boundaries of the Quileute Nation and witnessed by an Elder of the tribe—me. You kids eloped without even knowing it."

Nessie closed her eyes and groaned. "Alice is going to kill me."

~***~

**A/N I'm going to be out of town for a few days (it's time for another escape to the mountains). As most of you know, internet access is limited up there, but I will do my best to answer your wonderful reviews. Summit County is between seasons right now so I don't know if my coffee shop (with free wi-fi) is open. If not, I'll be back in about a week to reply to reviews and messages and of course to update the story. Hopefully it won't be a problem and you'll hear from me on Monday! **


	48. Why Don't You Show Me

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

~***~

"Hold on a minute! How can we be married? We didn't get a marriage license or exchange vows or rings or anything." Even though he was whispering, Jake sounded upset.

"We govern ourselves Jacob. You know that. Our traditions trump the laws of the State of Washington and even the nation. You demonstrated your commitment to love, honor, and cherish Renesmee when you cut off your finger. How can a verbal promise compare to the sacrifice of a part of your body?

"A wedding ring can be removed, lost, or stolen." Old Quil continued as he gently grasped Jake's left hand and touched his bandaged finger. "This is forever."

Nessie didn't even realize she was crying until Old Quil reverently wiped her face with a trembling finger. "Tears are even more potent than blood when it comes to magic. They are the physical manifestation of emotion. Three teardrops from a woman in love contain enough power to permanently alter a man forever when mixed with his blood. Why do you think men hate to see women cry? It is an instinctive reaction to protect themselves from the influence of her tears.

"I know for a fact that your wife is willing to sacrifice her own happiness to insure yours. The sting of the knife is nothing compared to the heartache she is willing to endure on your behalf. She had already accepted Dee as a sister-wife before I could convince her you hadn't actually imprinted.

"One of Nessie's tears was more than enough to bind you together for eternity. Your marriage is divorce-proof. Or it will be as soon as you consummate the relationship."

Old Quil smiled, picked up Nessie's hand and placed it in Jake's. "The sooner the better—the magic is permanent, but it is most potent within the first twenty-four hours. I took the liberty of reserving the honeymoon cottage at the resort. It's yours for the next three days."

Old Quil pulled a key out of his back pocket and handed it to Jake before placing a hand on each of their heads. He whispered something in Quileute and then repeated it in English. "I give you my blessing as an Elder of our people. May your union give you many sons and daughters and fill your home with joy. Now go."

Jake stared at the key in his hand then turned his gaze upon Nessie. Both of their hearts were pounding. "Nessie?" It was just one word, just her name, but it held a thousand promises. Nessie's eyes glistened as she met his gaze and placed her palm on his cheek. _"Yes."_

~***~

"No Nessie, I'm not angry. Just how selfish do you think I am?" Nessie shivered in Alice's cold hard embrace. "We can still have a reception for you when your parents get home. I'm very happy for you and Jacob. My only regret is that I wasn't there to witness your marraige. ."

"Actually, I didn't witness it either. I mean, I witnessed it of course, but I didn't know what was happening." Nessie laughed nervously. "How many people actually get married without realizing it?"

Emmett chuckled quietly. "Hundreds of 'em. Everyday in Las Vegas. At least you aren't going to wake up with a hangover wondering who the hell is laying in bed next to you. Now come here and give me a hug."

Nessie was certain she would have bruises tomorrow morning after enduring the enthusiastic hugs of her aunts and uncles. She was relieved and happy that they had all accepted the news of her marriage so easily. Even Rosalie had whispered a quiet "congratulations" into her ear when she hugged her.

Nessie expected Luca to pout with jealousy, but she had squealed with delight when she heard the news. Alejandro beamed at them and whispered conspiratorially, "Can anyone get married without a license in La Push?"

"I don't know the answer to that question, Alejandro." Nessie knew she needed to stop that train of thought before Jasper's ire could infect the entire room, "But since you are half vampire like me, you can't cross the boundary line into Quileute territory without permission."

Luca and Alejandro both sighed with disappointment.

"Nessie, could I speak to you alone for a moment?" Morgan's request puzzled Nessie until she noticed the pink flush on Jacob's cheeks. She bit her lip and nodded.

~***~

Nessie opted to have the procedure done in the honeymoon cottage at the resort since she wasn't going to wait for her body to heal. Morgan explained the procedure to Nessie and Jake from the back seat of Jasper's Porsche on the ride to La Push.

Even though Marcus didn't participate in Aro's depraved "Progeny Project", he was aware of the procedures involved. Aro's constant bragging about the details proved very educational. Marcus was able to pass on the necessary information to Morgan.

"It is such a simple procedure I have no qualms at all. In fact the use of local anesthesia is optional."

"Why would you even suggest she not use anesthesia?" Jake narrowed his eyes as he glared at Morgan's reflection in the rear view mirror. "I don't want Nessie to be in pain."

"Local anesthesia will interfere with pleasure as well as pain. The pain from the procedure is less intense than the pain of normal rupture—especially when you consider the resiliency of hybrid tissue. The choice is yours of course, I was simply stating the facts.

"I don't want anesthesia." Nessie was pleased with how strong and confident her voice sounded. There wasn't a hint of hesitancy, even though she was incredibly nervous.

Jake gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. "We don't have to do this tonight Nessie. We can wait for you to heal before we… well, before…"

"No Jacob. We are not waiting." Nessie interrupted him. "It's my body, and my choice. No anesthesia and no waiting."

"I am not going to hurt you, Nessie. I can't do that."

"That's the beauty of it Jake, you won't hurt me at all. Morgan will."

"Is that true?" Jake stared at Morgan's reflection in the rearview mirror. "How long will she be in pain? Will it make it worse if … if we have… you know… sex?" Jake's russet brown face turned maroon with embarrassment.

The corners of Morgan's mouth twitched and Nessie suspected she was amused by Jake's shyness. "As long as you are gentle, sexual intercourse will not increase her pain. It may in fact give her considerable pleasurable."

The sound of crunching gravel under the tires signaled their arrival at the honeymoon cottage. Morgan leaned forward and rested her hand on Jake's shoulder. "Your concern for Nessie's comfort will give you the restraint you need. Don't be afraid. I'll wait in the car while you two get settled in. Take as long as you want. This is a very special night and you should savor every detail."

Jake and Nessie were both trembling when he unlocked the door to the cottage. Jake literally swept her off her feet and carried her over the threshold. He set her on the bed, stroked her face with the back of his hand and kissed her gently. "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere."

Jake ran out of the cottage, but returned with a small suitcase before the door had a chance to swing shut. He grinned at her and set the suitcase on the floor beside the bed. "Alice thought we might like some clean clothes."

Jake's grin disappeared as looked around the room. He sighed and ran his hands nervously through his hair. "Nessie, I don't know about this. This isn't anywhere close to the way I imagined our wedding night. I wanted to take you somewhere exotic for our honeymoon. You deserve so much more than…"

Nessie stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pressed her face against his chest directly over his pounding heart and whispered, "Stop it Jacob. I already have much more than I deserve. I have you." Nessie couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face. She leaned back so she could run her hands over his chest and stomach. His muscles twitched and trembled under her touch. "You are _mine, _Jacob Black, all mine." Her grin softened into a smile of pure joy as she looked into his eyes. "You are my husband."

Nessie place her palm on his cheek. "_This is what I want." _She projected the image of stark white sheets loosely draped across the coppery skin of Jake's bare back. His face hovering over hers, their perfectly matched eyes full of love and reverence as they became one in every sense of the word. 

Jake kissed her palm then placed it over his heart. He stared at her for a moment before softly murmuring, "Okay."

Nessie's heart fluttered when he brushed his warm full lips, soft as butterfly wings, across her mouth. It was exactly like their first kiss. He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered, "Do you want me to go get Morgan?"

"Yes."

~***~

The procedure _was_ painful, but Nessie didn't make a sound. She knew Jake's hearing was better than her own and if he heard so much as a whimper, he would be consumed with guilt.

Morgan put away the titanium instruments and closed Carlisle's medical bag with a metallic click. "All done, Love. How are you feeling?"

Nessie wiped away a tear and smiled. "It's getting better, but um... I was just wondering if you could maybe… um… give me some advice?" Nessie's voice squeaked and she felt her face flush with heat, but she didn't let it stop her. "I want to please Jake, but I don't know much about... I mean, what's the best way to… It's his first time too and I want it to be perfect."

Morgan patted her knee and smiled. "Don't put so much pressure on yourself Nessie. Like anything else, sex improves with practice. Instead of worrying about the best way to 'please' Jake, focus on how much you love him. The physical pleasure of sex is amazing but it pales in comparison to the joy of true intimacy. There is no way to mess that up, not when you are so much in love."

"I'm so afraid Jake won't go through with it because he thinks he might hurt me."

Morgan frowned thoughtfully. "Yes, that may be a problem. Why don't I go talk to him for a moment. I convinced Marcus it was safe for us, convincing Jake should be easy compared to that!"

As soon as Morgan left, Nessie pulled the suitcase onto the bed and examined its contents. _Oh boy. _She blushed as she dug through several layers of see-through lace and tiny barely-there negligees. She desperately hoped there was something she could wear that wouldn't make her feel like a hooker. A very expensive and high-class hooker, but still…

Her fingers brushed the stiff edge of an envelope and Nessie recognized her grandmother's elegant script.

_Dear Renesmee,_

_I remember how shy and insecure I felt on both of my wedding nights. Do not feel obligated to wear this nightgown if you would rather wear one of Alice's enticing outfits. You will look lovely no matter what you choose, even if you choose to wear nothing at all._

"Whoa! Esme?" Nessie glanced at the signature, suddenly doubting her assumption that this was her grandmother's letter. Nessie blushed again and continued reading.

_I began working on this nightgown after your coming of age celebration. If you examine it closely you will find different samples of lace. Your mother, Aunt Alice, Aunt Rosalie, and I contributed a bit of lace from each of our wedding gowns. _

_I pray that you and Jacob find joy and bliss in each other's arms tonight and every night from now on._

_With Love,_

_Esme_

Nessie set the letter on the bed and brushed the tears from her eyes. She plunged her hands back into the frothy contents of her suitcase and dug around until she felt the soft smooth texture of lightweight cotton fabric.

The beautiful gown took her breath away. Yards of sheer gossamer batiste were delicately gathered into a hand-smocked bodice. The volume of fabric provided modesty while maintaining an air of ethereal and seductive beauty. It was perfect.

Nessie quickly picked out a light blue bra and panty set with French designer tags still attached before she shoved the other nighties back into the suitcase. She had to sit on it to force it shut. She fastened the latches then slid it under the bed. She grabbed a hanger out of the closet, removed the towels from the hook on the back of the bathroom door and replaced them with her gown.

The faucet handle creaked when she opened it full blast. Concerned about the effect of steam on her gown, Nessie opened the bathroom window a few inches and turned on the exhaust fan. She showered quickly and washed her hair in record time. The hair dryer she found under the sink was not very powerful so her hair was still damp when she gave up.

She was surprised she didn't hear Jake's heartbeat on the other side of the door as soon as she turned off the hairdryer. Morgan's talk with Jake was taking an inordinately long time. Nessie hoped Jake wasn't being difficult.

She caught a glimpse of her naked body in the small mirror over the sink and self-consciously examined her reflection. What will Jake think when he sees me like this for the first time?

Nessie's figure closely resembled Rosalie's. Jake made fun of Rose all the time, calling her "Vampire Barbie". I guess that makes me "Hybrid Barbie". My breasts are too big, my hips are too wide and my legs are so muscular they make my thighs look huge!

Nessie wiped the tears out of her eyes and grabbed her towel. She was roughly buffing her skin dry when she heard the door to the cottage open. She recognized Jake's freshly showered scent and her heart began to pound. Jake immediately crossed the room and knocked gently on the bathroom door. "Are you okay, Nessie?"

"Um… yeah, I'm fine, Jake." She cringed at the tense, shaky sound of her voice and bit her lip. "I'll be out in second, okay?"

"Sure, sure… Do you need anything?" Jake's voice sounded nervous and strained, too.

_What's wrong with me? That's Jake on the other side of the door. This is what we've been waiting for. We are both being ridiculous. _She pulled on her underwear, slipped her gown over her head and checked her reflection one more time. This time she was pleased by the image in the mirror. The diaphanous fabric of the gown skimmed her curves and flowed gently around her body like a misty fog. _Thank you, Esme!_

Nessie took a deep breath and cracked the bathroom door open. Jake had changed into clean clothes and was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at his feet. His eyes flew to her face and he stood up, but he did not move closer. Nessie trembled as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Jake's breath hitched and his heart stuttered. Nessie began to feel self-conscious again as his gaze traveled the length of her body from her face to her toes and back again.

His voice was low and husky. "You look like an angel, Nessie. I've never seen anything quite as beautiful. I… I can't believe you're really mine."

"I was just thinking the same thing... about you… I'm so afraid I'm going to wake up and find out this is all a dream."

Jake slowly crossed the room and raised his hand to her face. He curled his fingers under her chin and traced her lower lip with his thumb. "If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up." He brushed her mouth gently with his own three times before pressing his lips softly against hers.

The purity and reverence of his kiss amazed her. Nessie felt like she was floating and sinking at the same time. It was magic. She felt her very soul reach out to him. Without breaking the kiss, Jake lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. When he sat down Nessie was cradled in his lap.

Jake broke the kiss and fingered the lace at the neck of her gown. "This is beautiful Nessie. Where did you get it?"

"Esme made it for me, when we were still living in South America. I didn't know about it until tonight." Nessie leaned back so she could reach Esme's letter, which was still sitting on the bed where she had left it. "Here, you can read it." She smiled shyly and handed the letter to Jake. "This gown is a gift for you as well."

Jake smiled his sexy crooked grin and his eyes grew dark as he ran his hand down the side of her body. "I believe this lovely gown is what my gift is wrapped in." Jake twisted around and laid Nessie onto the bed. He lay down on his side next to her and propped his head up on his right hand.

Nessie reached out and took his left hand in hers. She kissed the tip of his ring finger and asked, "Does it still hurt?"

"No, not at all. In fact it is completely numb from here up." He touched the middle joint of his finger with his thumb, then flicked the tip of his finger a couple of times to prove his point. "See, no pain at all." Jake narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow. "What about you? Are you in any pain after… after the procedure?"

Nessie considered denying any discomfort at all, but the thought of being even a little dishonest with her husband disturbed her. She decided to tell him the complete truth and if she needed to persuade him to continue… well then, that is what she would do.

"I am a little sore, but I'm not in pain." Nessie regretted her policy of full disclosure when Jake's frown deepened.

"That's what Morgan said. I hate the idea of causing you any pain Nessie, but I know this is important to you too. Promise me you will tell me if I do anything that hurts." Jake's hands trembled as he cupped her face and stared into her eyes.

"I promise, Jacob. I don't want to hurt you either, and you have a talent for feeling guilty for things that are not your fault. So, I will let you know immediately if I feel anything other than blissfully happy. In fact, I can show you exactly how I'm feeling." Nessie put her palms on his cheeks and projected all her emotions… love, excitement, nervousness, and even her insecurities.

Jake's eyes grew wide with astonishment. "Nessie! How could you ever think that your body is anything less than perfect? I don't hate Rosalie's body, I just don't like Rose. I am so in love with you Renesmee Carlie Cullen—I don't even see other women. I'll bet I wouldn't even notice if a naked woman were standing right in front of me… unless it was you of course."

"You're wrong Jacob."

"What? No I'm not…" Nessie pinched Jake's lips between her thumb and forefinger.

"Yes you are. My name is not Renesmee Carlie Cullen. It's Renesmee Carlie Black but you may call me Mrs. Black if you prefer."

Jake's eyes sparkled and he grinned in spite of her pincher's hold on his mouth. Nessie let go and Jake playfully growled at her before pressing his mouth onto hers. He broke the kiss and murmured, "I can't tell you good it makes me feel to call you Mrs. Black."

Nessie ran her hand down Jake's chest over his abs and traced the upper edge of his waistband. "Well, since you can't tell me how good it makes you feel, why don't you show me?"

~***~

**A/N Okay here's the deal. If I maintain my "T" rating this is where we fade to black. I might be able to go into a little more detail next chapter, but not much. **

**I am piggybacking off a neighbor's unsecured wi-fi connection by hanging my laptop out of a second story window. The signal is weak and intermittent. I will answer all of your lovely reviews (for the previous chapter as well as for this one) as soon as I get to the coffee shop. I have company coming today and staying until Thursday. Lets all pray she likes coffee!**

**I hope no one is upset with me for not sending out previews as a reward for reviewing. I will resume offering previews as soon as I get a reliable wi-fi connection.**


	49. Two Kinds of Magic

Chapter 49: Two Kinds of Magic

Nessie felt her heart and mind overflow with rapture as her spirit soared. She heard the beat of ancient drums but assumed it was just the beating of their hearts until she felt the magic of their bond grow stronger and heard the faint sound of ghostly voices chanting…

"_One flesh, one heart, one mind. I am yours, and you are mine, forever_."

Jacob must be able to hear the voices also. Nessie wasn't projecting—her hands were gripping his back, not his face. Jake repeated the words of the chant in perfect unison, whispering softly in her ear…

"_One flesh, one heart, one mind. I am yours, and you are mine, forever_."

The impulse to join him was irresistible... Her voice blended effortlessly with Jacob's. The music they created was hauntingly beautiful and surreal. This was _real_ magic.

"_One flesh, one heart, one mind. I am yours, and you are mine, forever_."

They moved as one with the rapidly accelerating words of the chant. Each breath, each heartbeat in sync with each other's. Nessie put her palms on Jake's cheeks and opened her eyes to find his gaze already locked upon her. Faster and faster… higher and higher, they soared…

"_OnefleshoneheartonemindIamyoursandyouaremineforever"_

Nessie lost all sense of where her body ended and Jacob's began. She felt as though they had crawled into each other's skins. His heart beat in her chest, her lungs gave him breath, their minds merged as powerful magic flowed around and through them. They were no longer two flawed individuals but one perfect being, the pure essence of love incarnate….

"_OnefleshoneheartonemindIamyoursandyouaremineforever"_

"_One-flesh-one-heart-one-mind-I-am-yours-and-you-are-mine-forever"_

"_One flesh… one heart… one mind… I am yours… and you are mine… Forever…"_

_~***~_

Completely exhausted, they lay in each other's arms and wept from the intensity of the experience. Nessie was aware of her individuality again, yet felt a new and undeniable bond with Jacob.

With her palms still on Jake's face, she gently caressed his cheekbones with her thumbs. Words and coherent thought were impossible. She felt her emotions flow from her hands to his heart and from his heart back to hers. Jake's eyes shone brighter than she had ever seen them shine. He leaned in and brushed her lips with his before kissing her softly and rolling them onto their sides. _"That was amazing, Jacob. _ _I had no idea it would be like that." _

Jake was still shaking when he kissed her palm and murmured, "Me either. I've never experienced anything so powerful in my life. Not when I phased for the first time—not when I mixed your tears with my blood—not even when I imprinted. I've never even heard of anything like that before. Serious magic was at work here tonight."

Jake pushed up onto his elbow and furrowed his brows as he stared into her eyes. "You realize it's probably not going to be like that every time, right?"

~***~

Nessie woke naked and drenched in sweat. Jake's body was curled protectively around hers radiating heat like a furnace. One massive arm draped across her chest and kept her pressed tightly against him. Very slowly and very carefully, Nessie lifted Jake's arm and slipped out of bed.

She felt self-conscious and exposed in the moonlight, but when she glanced over her shoulder at Jacob, she relaxed. He hadn't moved and was still sleeping soundly. When she noticed her beautiful gown laying in a wrinkled heap on the floor, she slipped it on over her head and crossed the room to the window facing the beach.

When she parted the curtains and opened the window, the moon flooded the room with silver light. The scent of the cool ocean breeze was refreshing but the sound of the waves lapping the shore made her sleepy. When she turned around Jacob was gazing at her intently.

"What are you doing out of bed?" His deep voice was husky and slurred with sleep.

"I was hot…"

"You sure were, and you still are. Now get over here." Jake lifted the sheet and smiled at her with his sexy crooked grin. All sense of shyness left her as she slipped into bed beside him.

"How are you feeling?" Nessie knew he was concerned about her physical wellbeing, but chose to answer his question as if she had misunderstood his meaning.

"I feel blissfully happy, full of joy, and so much in love with my husband I can't find the words to express it properly. I guess I'll just have to show him." Nessie ran her hands over Jake's chest and abs. When she reached his navel, she slipped her hands around to his back and pulled their bodies together.

Jake growled quietly and crushed her mouth with his own. He kissed her passionately, probing her mouth with his tongue and fisting handfuls of sheer batiste in his huge hands. When he broke the kiss, he leaned back and brushed the unruly curls off her brow. "I think you are avoiding the question, Mrs. Black. Are you in any pain?"

Nessie shivered with delight at the sound of her new name. "I am a little sore, but it's nothing to worry about." She trailed her hand over his back before sliding it up the side of his body, over his arm and shoulder, up his neck and onto his face. She cupped his cheek in her palm, and as honestly as possible, projected what she was feeling.

There was only a hint of pain hidden beneath layers of bliss, contentment and joy. The strongest feeling by far, was the overwhelming desire to express her love physically to her husband.

This time was different. The only sounds were the drumming beat of their pounding hearts, whispered declarations of love, and moans of pleasure. There was no hint of the compulsive and ritualistic magic of their first time… but it was still just as amazing and magical.

Nessie had once thought that drinking Jacob's blood was the greatest pleasure in the entire universe. She was wrong.

~***~

**A/N Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever has been nominated for a Sparkle Award (for Best Original Plot)! I am so honored and ridiculously excited! (This news just made my entire month! Which is pretty amazing since today is only Oct. 1****st****)  
**

**www(dot)thesparkleawards(dot)webs(dot)com. Voting begins later in October, I'll post a reminder closer to the actual date.**

**I plan to go home tomorrow where internet service is a lot more reliable so I can reply to messages and reviews. It's snowing and cold but I do have a connection at the moment, so I will attempt to post this chapter! **


	50. Quil Spills

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Congratulations and a HUGE THANK YOU to mediate89 for writing the one-thousandth review for this story! I am also grateful to each and everyone one of you that has ever reviewed any of my stories. I live for feedback!**

~***~

Chapter 50: Quil Spills

Sunshine poured in through the window filling the bedroom with wide slanting beams of painfully bright light. Nessie squinted against the unwelcome intrusion threatening to drag her from her dreams. She yawned, stretched, and opened her eyes onto the most beautiful sight… her husband lying next to her, his face relaxed and peaceful as he slept.

As soon as she tried to slip out of bed, Jake's eyes fluttered open and he grabbed her wrist. "Hey, where do you think you're going Renesmee Carlie _Black_?" He smiled his sexy crooked grin and she almost forgot why she was getting up.

"Jacob, you have to be hungry. I'm just going to see if there is any food in the kitchen so I can make breakfast for my husband."

"What I'm hungry for is _not_ in the kitchen." Jake tugged gently on her arm, trying to coax her back to bed. Nessie rolled her eyes and giggled when his stomach growled.

"It seems your stomach disagrees." Nessie smiled at him as she tried to pull free from his grasp. Jake let go of her wrist, but immediately launched himself across the bed, grabbed her around the waist and pulled her on top of him as he flopped back down.

"My stomach can wait." Jake cupped her face in his hand and murmured, "but I can't," before he devoured her lips.

~***~

Nessie heard the front door slam as she exited the shower. The rustling of paper bags accompanied Jake's cheerful whistling as he put away the groceries. "Just leave it on the counter, Jake. I'll be out in a minute to fix your breakfast."

The only food they had found in the kitchen was half a bag of ground coffee, salt, pepper, garlic powder and paprika. Jake insisted that Nessie return to bed and sleep in while he ran to the local convenience store for a "few" supplies. She decided to take a shower while he was gone instead.

"Mmmm…. You smell good, Nessie." Jake grabbed her from behind and buried his face in her still damp hair, inhaling deeply.

"Jacob Black! Is this all you think about?"

"For the next two days… yeah, pretty much. That is the purpose of a honeymoon isn't it—to leave all distractions behind and spend every moment enjoying each other's… um… company?"

Jake put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. He drew his brows together and frowned. "Am I being too aggressive… too fixated on sex? We can do some other stuff if you want… go for a walk on the beach, or go to a movie, or…"

"Shush Jacob, I was only teasing." Nessie interrupted him before he could start feeling guilty. "I enjoyed your little display of 'Alpha-wolf aggression' when you pulled me back to bed this morning." Nessie blushed as she remembered just how much she had enjoyed it.

"Besides, you aren't anymore fixated on sex than I am. I wish we could spend everyday and every night in each other's arms. Now that the kitchen is stocked, I have no intention of letting you leave this cottage again until our time is up."

Jake hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. His stomach growled so loudly she felt it rumble against her. Nessie giggled, bounced up on her toes and gave Jake a quick peck on the lips. "Let me go get dressed so I can fix your breakfast, okay?"

"Okay, I really am starving, but you don't have to get dressed to cook for me. I kind of like what you're wearing now."

She laughed and shook her head. "Sorry Jake, I'm not going to spend the day wearing nothing but this towel." Still laughing she ducked into the bedroom. Nessie suddenly and unexpectedly felt awkward and shy. Should she shut the door to get dressed? It seemed silly, but the thought of dressing in broad daylight in front of Jake made her nervous.

If she shut the door, would Jake think she was being a prude? If she left it open, would he think she was trying to seduce him? She was still debating the merits of open versus shut when Jake stepped into the bedroom and kissed her cheek.

"If you don't mind, I think I'll jump in the shower while you fix breakfast." Jake's cheeks flushed a little as he opened the suitcase Alice had packed for him. "I should have stopped by the house to grab some _normal_ clothes while I was out." Jake held up a pair of hot-pink silk boxers, and they both laughed.

"You could always go without…" Nessie grinned lasciviously and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Why Mrs. Black! Is that all you think about?" Jake clutched the boxers to his chest and feigned shocked disapproval.

Nessie smiled wickedly and traced Jake's lower lip with her thumb. "Pretty much… yeah. You're just too damn sexy for your own good." Without a word of warning, Jake swept her off her feet and tossed her onto the bed. He was pulling his shirt off over his head when they were startled by someone pounding on the door.

They both froze for a second before Jake swore and jerked his shirt back on. "This better be important." He kissed Nessie's cheek and closed the bedroom door as he exited the room. Nessie didn't need her super-sensitive hybrid ears to hear Quil's distressed explanation, but she dressed quickly and joined them in the front room.

"I'm so sorry, Jake! I tried not to think about it, but you know how much I suck at blocking. I'm not like you or Sam." Quil's voice shook and his face was turning grey.

"Calm down, Quil and start at the beginning." Jake put a hand on Quil's shoulder and gently guided him to the sofa.

"Okay, I was on patrol with Embry this morning and I started thinking about how awful it was that he poked his eyes out when all he had to do was cut off a finger…"

~***~

"_What do you mean all I had to do was cut off my finger?"_

"_Oh crap, I'm not supposed to tell anyone! Especially you."_

"_Not tell me what? What the hell are you talking about, Quil?"_

"_We're all in this together, once we know, that we are, we're all stars and we see that…"_

"_Damn it Quil! Stop singing that frickin' song. I'll have it stuck in my head for days! Now what is it you're trying to hide from me?"_

"_Together… together… together, everyone… together… together… come on let's have some fun…"_

"_I mean it Quil! You know how much I hate that song. I don't care if it is Claire's favorite, shut it right now or I'll remove more than just your eye or a finger."_

"_Secret, forbidden ritual... Ancient magic… I wonder if you and Leah are married too?... Oh crap!... Wild Cats everywhere, wave your hands up in the air OW! WHAT THE HELL EMBRY!_

"_I warned you Quil, now spill it. You know you can't hide it from me no matter how many times you sing that damn song. What makes you think Leah and I might be married?"_

"_Please, just drop it Embry. You can ask Jake about it when he gets off his honeymoon…Damn it!"_

"_HONEYMOON? When did Jake and Nessie get married?"_

~***~

Jake's growling interrupted Quil's narrative. Nessie bit her lip and cringed. She put her palm on Jake's cheek to silently share her thoughts. She didn't want to interfere with pack business but she couldn't let Quil take all the blame. _"Jake, don't be mad at Quil, it's my fault. Remember, I'm the one that showed him everything with my gift."_

Jake kissed Nessie's palm but his eyes never left Quil's. "How did you find out Nessie and I were married?"

"I sort of accidentally overheard Grandpa talking to you and Nessie at the bonfire last night. I swear I wasn't trying to spy on you guys. I was just checking on Grandpa. I wanted to be sure he had a ride home."

"S'okay Quil, I'm sure you aren't the only one that overheard." Jake ran his hands through his hair and mumbled, "Damn supersonic werewolf hearing. How much did Embry manage to pull out of your head?"

"Pretty much all of it by the time we finished patrol. I tried really hard Jake. I sang the theme song from HSM a dozen times trying to block it."

Jake took a deep breath, puffing his cheeks as he exhaled loudly. "Alright, I guess I better go talk to Embry before he does something stupid."

"Um… I think it's too late for that." Quil bit his lip as Jake's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean, it's too late?"

"We were running the border near the Cullen's property when Embry drug the last bit of information out of me. Emmett, Rose, and their two mutants… uh… sorry Nessie, I mean kids were hunting and Embry crossed the treaty line. I thought Blondie and her mate were going to take him out, when he phased and grabbed Sophie…" Quil stopped and looked at his feet, obviously gathering his courage to continue.

"He asked Blondie to help him break his imprint to Sophie." Quil hung his head in shame, but Jake knelt in front of him and gripped his shoulders.

"Quil, I'm not mad at you. I know how hard it is to block something like that. Please finish, I need all the facts before I go get Embry. Rosalie is going to be a royal pain in the ass about this, but I can't let Embry go through with the breaking ritual without Leah's consent. This affects her too."

"That's pretty much all I know, Jake. Embry left with the vamps and when I tried to follow, Blondie claimed I was breaking the treaty and if I didn't want to start a war I better get my butt back onto Quileute land. I came straight here. I didn't know what else to do."

"You did the right thing, Quil." Jake patted Quil's shoulder and stood up. "I'm so sorry Nessie. I'll get back as soon as I can." He kissed her cheek just as her cell phone buzzed in the bedroom.

"Jake, wait just a minute. That's probably Aunt Alice or Esme calling to let us know what's happening." Nessie ran into the bedroom and grabbed her cell phone out of her jeans' pocket.

"Hey, Alice."

"_Nessie! Is Jake there? I need to talk to him."_

"Yeah, is everything okay? We just heard about Rose and Embry." Nessie set her cell to speakerphone so Jake could hear Alice's soft voice easier.

"_No, it's not okay. Rose took off in the helicopter with Embry and Sophie. She didn't file a flight plan, she's not answering her phone, and I can't see anything because of the doggone werewolf vision-blocking thing... We can't track them. Rose didn't even tell Emmett where she was going. However, Embry left a note for Leah. Should I read it?"_

Jake grabbed the phone and swore under his breath. "Listen Alice, we don't have time to pretend you haven't already read it. Why don't you just tell us what it says?"

~***~

**A/N I don't own the few lines of lyrics I used from High School Musical. **

**I am home until Monday and then I'll be traveling to Florida. I am still working on replying to all your lovely reviews. I promise I will get caught up soon, but I am still working on this story everyday. I imagine everyone would rather get a new chapter than an overdue review reply? Right?**


	51. Please Forgive Me

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Previously… _Jake grabbed the phone and swore under his breath. "Listen Alice, we don't have time to pretend you haven't already read it. Why don't you just tell us what it says?"_

Chapter 51: Please Forgive Me

**Leah Clearwater's point of view**

I woke up with a sick heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, my heart and mind filled with dread. The first time I felt this way was the day Sam imprinted on Emily. The next time I felt it, was the morning Daddy died. I remember sitting across from him at breakfast and not being able to eat because of the lead weight in my belly. He and Mom were bickering about his diet…

"Damn it Sue, a man needs a good breakfast to get him through the day. My Dad ate bacon and eggs every morning and lived to the ripe old age of eighty-nine."

"You listen to me Harry Clearwater; your dad did not have high blood pressure and cholesterol levels off the chart! Now eat your damn oatmeal!"

Daddy was dead before dinner.

Embry had patrol duty, but I tried my best to talk him out of going. He just laughed at me and said, "Come on Leah, it's not like I can call in sick. What am I supposed to say, anyway? Sorry, I can't meet my obligations to the pack this morning; my girlfriend has a bad feeling." His dismissive attitude pissed me off so much I didn't even kiss him goodbye.

I knew it was bad news before I heard the pounding on the front door. _Oh no… Embry! Please God, let him be okay. _

I didn't answer it. What ever it was, I didn't want to know... I was a coward and I didn't care. _Just go away and let me pretend everything is okay. Please._

"Leah! Open the damn door! I know you're awake. I can hear your heart pounding."

"Go away, Jake. I'm sick." _Sick at heart… sick and tired of having everyone I love leave me, or die._

"Leah, I don't want to break your door down, but I will if you don't let me in."

My hands were shaking so bad, it took me awhile to unlock the deadbolt. Jake didn't wait for me to open the door. He just barreled right in and started pacing. "Sit down Leah, I have something to tell you and you aren't going to like it."

I wanted to smart off with a Leah-esque sarcastic remark, but instead I sank into the sagging cushions of Mary Call's sofa. Jake sat down beside me and handed me a note.

_What the hell?_

"Just read it, Leah. I'll answer your questions as soon as you're finished."

_Dear Leah,_

_You know I'm no good at this romantic crap, but I'm going to give it a try. _

_I know you know that I love you, right? I would do anything for you even if you weren't having my baby, but since you are, I can't risk letting you talk me out of this. I have to try. Our baby deserves to have a father. A father he can be proud of. Even if I don't survive, at least he will know that I didn't desert him or his mother. Tell him that I love you both more than my own life and that it was worth it…_

"Jake! What does he mean 'not survive'? What's going on?" My hands were shaking so damn bad there was no way I could continue to decipher Embry's pathetic handwriting. Jake must have figured that out, because he gently pried the note out of my hands and finished reading it to me…

_Talk to Old Quil about the binding ritual. It looks like we tied the knot without meaning to. It's probably the only way you would ever marry me… by accident! Ha!_

_Leah Babe, I know you are an independent woman and we never discussed whether or not you would keep your maiden name if we ever got married, but please give our baby my last name. Don't let anyone list him on the tribal rolls as "father unknown". That's all I ask. _

_If this works and I survive I hope you will forgive me. I know I should have talked to you about this first but we both know you never would have agreed to it. You always said it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. So I'm asking you now... Please forgive me. If my heart is still beating when this is over, it belongs to you alone._

_All my love,_

_Embry_

"Jake? What the hell is he talking about?" I was so confused. Embry's note didn't make a bit of sense but it scared the crap out of me.

"Nessie is waiting outside Leah, and she is willing to show you everything so you can get up to speed. I know you don't like her but we need to try to find Embry, and we don't have much time. In fact it's probably too late to stop him."

Jake was right about me not liking his freaky little imprint and just the thought of letting her push her thoughts into my head terrified me, but if it meant protecting Embry, I would do it. "Fine." I tried to growl, but it sounded more like a whimper.

It was different from sharing the pack mind, Nessie's thoughts and feelings were all tangled up with her memories, but it only took a couple of seconds for me to "get it". When I understood what Embry was going to do, I nearly passed out. Yeah, that's right Leah Clearwater—the toughest bitch on the rez—just about freaking _swooned_… fainting like a damn damsel in distress.

I put my head between my knees—not an easy maneuver with a bun in the oven—and managed to pull it together. As soon as my head quit spinning, I was immediately pissed off. I was furious with Embry for making this decision without me. I was completely enraged by Nessie's selfish decision to show Quil the _secret and forbidden_ rituals. If you show something to Quil, you might as well just show it to the whole pack. Everyone knows his mind is an open book. And I was going to freaking _kill _Blondie for poisoning my man, even if it was his idea.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" I may not be able to phase while I'm pregnant, I may have lost most of my were-wolfy abilities, Jacob Black may be able to run circles around me, but I could still outrun Nessie.

As we ran to the Cullen's I kept replaying Embry's message in my head. I was so freaked out about him attempting the breaking ritual; it took me a while to notice the other bombshell he dropped. I nearly tripped over my own feet. "Jake, are Embry and I married?"

"No, I asked Old Quil about it and he said since you didn't perform the ritual on tribal land it wasn't official. You are bound by magic, but not legally married. I'm sorry, Leah."

I was surprised by how disappointed I was that we weren't married, but I wasn't about to let Jake and Nessie know that. "Don't be!" I snapped at him. "If I ever get married, I'm going to know exactly what I'm doing."

~***~

**Embry Call's point of view**…

"Hurry up Embry! We don't have time for you to write a damn love sonnet." Rose had the rotors spinning and was ready to lift off, but I wasn't leaving without some sort of explanation for Leah. I was risking my life and the least I could do was let Leah know why.

I folded the note and handed it to Emmett. "Please be sure Leah gets this, okay?"

"I really wish you two would wait and at least talk to Jake before you run off and try to do this by yourselves. You don't know what you're doing!"

"We've already been over this Emmett! This may be our only chance to free Sophie. If we wait for Jake, he might try to stop us."

"Rose, Carlisle's message said for you to trust Jacob Black! What if he dies? What will that do to Sophie?"

"He's not going to die, Emmett! Jake didn't—so Embry won't either."

"You don't know that, Rose! At least tell me where you're going. What if Jake knows something about the ritual that will make it safer?"

"I'm sorry Em, I really am, but I'm not going to jeopardize my only chance to free Sophie."

"Will you deliver the damn note or not?" I was sick of listening to them squabble and I had to agree with Blondie... If we waited much longer, Jake or even worse, _Leah_ might find us before we took off.

"I'll take it back to the house, but I'm not delivering it to your crazy-ass girlfriend. I'm not going to stick around and wait for her tear into me for letting you two get away with this."

I knew I was being reckless. The odds of me living to see my baby's birth were pretty slim and trusting Blondie to take care of me was down right stupid. She didn't care if I lived or died as long as our imprint was broken. I didn't have a choice. I had to trust her.

The chopper ride was weird. I was nervous about the coming ordeal, worried sick about Leah and our baby, but overjoyed to have Sophie sitting in my lap and chattering about everything she's done since the last time I saw her.

I have to admit, I had mixed feelings about the idea of breaking my imprint to Sophie. I knew that she was my soul mate, that's why I imprinted on her. I also knew I couldn't live without Leah. I've been inside Sam Uley's head and even though every tie was severed the minute he imprinted, and he loves only Emily—he still regrets hurting Leah. It would be a hundred times worse for me because I am just as tightly bound to Leah as I am to my imprint.

My heart stuttered when I thought about my little angel. What will the loss of our bond do to Sophie? I am her soul mate just as much as she's mine. What if this doesn't work? Will Sophie still be bound to me if I die before the ritual is complete? Will she mourn and grieve my loss for the rest of her existence? I can't stand the thought of her suffering. I wish I could talk to Old Quil about this.

What if it _does_ work and the imprint is broken? I gazed at the little angel sleeping soundly in my arms and it broke my heart to think that she wouldn't care about me once this was over. I could only hope I was doing the right thing.

Without the imprint, Sophie would be free to grow up and fall in love with someone naturally. She deserves someone that can give her their whole heart. She sure as hell deserves someone better than an uneducated, one-eyed dog that's hopelessly in love with someone else. Even if Leah ran away with our baby and I never saw them again… I would never be able to heal the hole in my heart. I can never give myself completely to Sophie no matter what happens.

I _am_ doing the right thing. Sophie is young enough she won't realize what we're giving up. She will be much happier without the imprint. I have to believe that.

As soon as Rosalie noticed Sophie was asleep, she quizzed me about the ritual. I sure hope Nessie and Quil didn't leave out or forget anything important. If they did, I didn't have much hope of surviving.

I hadn't paid much attention to where we were going or how long we had been in the air, so I had no idea where we were when we landed. It was cold as hell and pretty barren. There was an old dilapidated one-room cabin that looked like it was ready to fall down, and not so much as a trail within miles. _Where the hell were we?_

Inside wasn't any better. There was an old army cot in one corner, an ancient wood burning stove in the other and a hole in the rotten wood floor in the middle of the room. I started to question my sanity. I had to be out of my freakin' mind to attempt this without the support of my pack. My second thoughts and doubts must have shown on my face.

"Embry, I will do every thing in my power to help you get through this as safely and comfortably as possible. Contrary to popular opinion, I am not a psychopathic bitch. I know what you are risking and I am so grateful for your courage and willingness to do what is right for Sophie." She paused for a moment then added as an afterthought, "It's the right thing for Leah and your child as well."

"Yeah, I know." I tried to hide my shock at how nice Rose was acting, so I grinned at her and said, "Well, we might as well get started."

"I appreciate your eagerness Embry, but I want to be sure we have everything we need first. Keep an eye on Sophie while I go get some firewood." Sometimes it's easy to forget just how strong vampires are. Rose pushed over several trees and then pulled the limbs off with her bare hands. She didn't even need an axe to chop and split the logs. It took her less than three minutes to prepare and stack an entire cord of wood.

The Cullen's must keep the helicopter prepared for emergencies, because Rose brought in a medical bag and several blankets while I started a fire in the stove. I didn't know if Jake's drastic drop in body temperature was due to loss of blood, near drowning, or just Nessie's venom but Rose and I decided it would be a good idea to heat the cabin just in case.

"Okay Embry, I guess we should get started before Sophie wakes up." Rose pulled a scalpel out of the medical bag. "How much venom should I apply?"

"Hell if I know, but I don't think it takes much. I know that just one bite is enough to kill us and Nessie thinks the reason she didn't kill Jake was because she wasn't producing much venom at the time. How much venom do you produce when you bite someone?"

Rose looked pissed. "I'll have you know that I have _never _bitten a human. Not even during my first decade as a newborn vampire. So I can't answer that question."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just want to be sure we use enough venom to complete the ritual, but not enough to kill me, so excuse me for being rude."

Rose sighed. "It's okay Embry. I'm sorry I got defensive, it's just sort of a touchy subject for our family." She frowned and then pulled out her cell phone. "I don't see why we shouldn't call Mr. Ateara and ask him. No one can get here fast enough to stop us now."

Old Quil was beyond angry. He was furious. I was impressed by the way Blondie handled him. She never yelled back but she didn't back down either. She just informed him that we were proceeding whether he helped us or not, so he eventually gave in. I'm so glad he did too. It only takes one drop of venom smeared on the blade of a knife and then a quick cut across the wrist to get it into the bloodstream. Anything more than a drop meant certain death.

Poisoning myself with the venom of a cold one went against every instinct I had. I eventually gave up and asked Rose to do it for me. It's a good thing my blood is not appetizing to full vamps.

Rose stuck her finger in her mouth. I stared with morbid fascination at the thick silver film coating her finger. When she let one drop of venom fall onto the blade of the scalpel, I couldn't keep from shuddering with revulsion. Rosalie gripped my forearm and gently turned it over, exposing the thick blue veins pulsing under my skin. She raised her eyebrows and the scalpel at the same time. "Ready?" I nodded and gasped as she ran the poisoned blade across my wrist.

~***~

**A/N I am still visiting family in Florida and have very limited free time. Every free moment I have, I spend either working on this story or answering reviews. (Okay, I also read the updates to my favorite stories, but the rest of my free time is ALL devoted to this story and the wonderful people that read & review it)**

**I apologize if I haven't replied to your review yet; I will eventually… please don't give up on me, or stop reviewing. I love you guys! **

**I check for new reviews every morning. It's what gets me out of bed and motivates me to keep writing when my family grumbles about how reclusive I am. Sigh… they just don't understand. **

**I also apologize for the many mistakes that I'm sure I've missed. Please don't hesitate to point them out… It will help me when I edit!**


	52. Rosalie's Remorse

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

Chapter 52: Rosalie's Remorse

Rosalie Hale's point of view…

I have never witnessed anything as horrible as Embry's suffering. His teeth chattered as his temperature plummeted. Within minutes of my venom entering his system, he began to convulse. Powerful muscle spasms wracked his body, distorting his features and crushing the old cot underneath him. I was afraid his violent thrashing would injure Sophie so I lay across his body to restrain him, pinning his arms to his sides and wrapping my legs around his. I nearly gagged from the wet dog stench.

"Momma, you're hurting him!" Sophie tugged on my arm, trying to get me off "her" Embry. "Stop it!"

"Sophie, I'm trying to help him. Embry is having seizures… it means he can't control his body. He might hurt himself, or you, if I don't try to hold him still." I nodded to a corner across the room. "I need you to stay out of the way." Of course, as soon as I said I was trying to help him, Embry's convulsions got stronger. Several bones snapped from the force of his powerful muscle contractions.

When he screamed, Sophie disobeyed my order to stay back, launched herself at Embry, and put her small hands on his cheeks. I don't know if he passed out from the pain, or if Sophie's touch actually had the power to sedate him, but as soon as he felt her hands on his face, Embry relaxed. I rolled off him and gasped when I saw how his body was attempting to heal over several compound fractures.

I knew what I had to do. "Sophie sweetheart, I need you to go to the helicopter and get some water for Embry, can you do that?"

"Yes, Momma." As soon as she was out the door, I set Embry's broken bones with vampire speed. He screamed once, vomited, and then passed out.

I swallowed what was left of my pride, cleaned up the mess, and called Emmett.

"_Rose? Are you okay? What's going on? Did you do it yet?"_

"I'm fine Emmett, but Embry is in bad shape. Is Jake there?"

"_Yeah, hold on… Jacob! Rose is on the phone… I miss you Babe, come home soon, okay?"_

"As soon as I can, Monkey Man. I miss you too."

"_Rosalie! Where the hell are you? Is Embry okay?"_

"No, he's not okay that's why I'm calling. He is unconscious now but he suffered some severe convulsions resulting in compound fractures of his left tibia, right radius and right femur." I don't know why I felt the need to give details; all it did was infuriate the dog even more.

"_Stop zapping me with your mind rays!... Let go of me you ugly gorilla…"_ I heard Emmett and Jasper trying to restrain Jacob when the phone went dead. Before I could redial, Jasper called me back.

"_Sorry about that Rosalie. I'm afraid Emmett's going to need a new phone. You need to reset Embry's bones before they heal…"_

"I already did that." I could hear the panic in my voice, and wished Jasper was here to calm me down. "Jasper… I need help... I don't know what to do, this is much worse than I thought it was going to be. I have Carlisle's medical bag, and all the emergency equipment that was onboard the chopper but I don't know what Embry needs. Should I give him some aspirin?"

"_Don't give him anything! You could make it worse. Let me do a little research and I'll call you right back. Do you want to talk to Emmett again?" _Embry groaned as Sophie came back in carrying four liters of water.

"No, I have to go. Please hurry Jasper, he doesn't look good." That was a gross understatement. Embry's skin was grey, his breathing shallow, his pulse faint and rapid, and he was so _cold_. I remembered every minute of the burning hell during my transformation. I don't know why I assumed it would be the same for Embry. I never should have attempted this without Jacob's help.

"Mama help him! Please help my Embry!" Sophie's sobs broke my cold dead heart and I began to doubt the wisdom of breaking her tie to Embry. Was it really so awful for her to have such a loyal and devoted protector? Am I just being selfish because she loves him more than me? When she matures, Embry would love Sophie just as much as Jake loves Nessie. Except… Embry also loves Leah. There is no easy answer here. Besides, it was much too late for remorse. My venom already permeated every cell of his body.

My mental musing was interrupted by Embry's hoarse whisper. "Rose, get Sophie out of here." He was barely conscious, even with my enhanced hearing; it was difficult to hear him.

"Embry, I can't do that. Sophie has to help take care of you or it won't work."

"Please Rose, I can't take the pain. Just go put Sophie in the chopper and end this for me." He panted, begged, and pleaded between each word. I could do it easily. It would be quick and painless. One twist of his neck and it would be over…

"NO! I won't kill you Embry." _Not purposely anyway._ I may have already killed him, but as long as there was a chance he might recover, we would all just have to screw our courage to the sticking point and endure to the end.

"Sophie Sweetheart, come here." She obeyed me without question for the first time in her life. "Do you want to help Embry?"

"Yes, Momma." She stared at me anxiously, and nodded. Her complete and utter trust in me was poignant and heart-wrenchingly undeserved.

"Okay, sit here." I positioned her at Embry's head within easy reach so I could protect her if he started to thrash around with another convulsion. My baby girl was tough, but I wasn't going to take any chances. "Stay away from his arms and legs and just talk to him. He likes the sound of your voice."

She put her tiny hands on his face and looked at me wide-eyed and worried. "Momma, my Embry's cold. He's supposed to be hot. Why is he cold?"

"Embry is very sick, Sweetheart. He needs us to take care of him." I nearly choked on my own guilt and hypocrisy. Would she ever be able to forgive me? I put another blanket over Embry's shivering body and prayed for his survival.

Sophie pressed her sweet baby lips to his forehead and whispered, "I love you my Embry. Please don't die. Don't leave me." A single tear ran down Embry's cheek, and the corners of his mouth lifted just a bit when she wiped it away.

Thanks to Aro, Sophie and George were no strangers to violence and death. They witnessed countless acts of cruelty within the walls of Volterra. Sophie knew what death looked like, and right now, it looked like Embry Call.

~***~

Embry had two more seizures, and three more broken bones before Morgan called my cell phone.

"_Rosalie, I just talked to Nahuel and found out that the plants he used on Jake were a combination of stimulants, antihistamines, and tranquilizers. He used the tranquilizers for his own selfish purposes, but I believe they might be beneficial after the initial purge. _

"_What we need to do right now is keep the man stable and counteract the effects of the venom. Is there an epi-pen in Carlisle's medical bag?"_

I grabbed the bag and rifled through it quickly. "Yeah, there're several of them."

"_That's great Rose! Go ahead and give him two doses."_

It took less than a second for me to read the instructions and administer two shots. "Okay, now what?"

"_Now we wait and see what happens. His temperature will probably start to rise. When it does, keep an eye on him. You will need to cool him off if his fever spikes, but don't let him get chilled."_

I discussed treatment options with Morgan for a few minutes before she asked for our location. I didn't really want to subject myself to more abuse, but decided that I deserved it. I must have been taking too long to answer because Morgan's lilting voice was replaced by an angry growl.

"_Where the hell are you Rose? _ Jacob Black was the last person on earth I wanted to talk to. I considered just hanging up on him, but then I remembered Carlisle's message to trust Jacob if I wanted Sophie to be free.

"I'm at the old trapper's cabin. Emmett knows where it is, put him on the phone, please."

"_Hey Rose, how are you holding up Babe?"_

"Not so good Em, I think I screwed this up pretty bad. I need you to bring Jake to the old trapper's cabin we found last year. Can you do that for me?"

"_Of course I can, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. He's still totally pissed off. I don't think he's going to be very nice to you."_

"Well, what ever he feels like dishing out, I'm sure I deserve much worse." Embry groaned and I noticed beads of sweat forming on his brow. "I gotta go, please just hurry and get here as fast as you can. I need you Emmett."

"_We'll be there soon. Hang in there Rose and give Sophie a hug for me."_

~***~

Embry was in the middle of another convulsion and Sophie was sobbing so loudly I didn't hear their approach. Emmett and Jacob burst through the door and Emmett immediately pinned Jake against the wall. Jake's heart was hammering so loudly it completely obscured Embry's faint pulse.

"I told you already Jake. I won't tolerate any abuse of my wife. That includes verbal abuse, now apologize."

"Let him go Emmett. Jake's right, I am a self-centered egotistical bitch, but that doesn't matter right now. The only thing that matters is Embry and Sophie. However, if he uses the eff word again in front of our daughter I'll break his nose myself."

"You better mind Momma Uncle Jake. She broke my Embry's nose when she said the eff word, and he told her not to do it again."

I cringed as I remembered that little scene. I was going to have to work on developing a little more self-control as well as clean up my language.

Jake was trembling and his lips were turning blue. "Emmett, let him go before he turns into a dog or passes out from lack of oxygen. You're choking him."

"Oh, sorry Jake." As soon as Emmett loosened his grip, Jake drew in a huge ragged breath, and rubbed his throat.

"I'm getting really tired of having your hands around my neck, Monkey Man."

"Well, if you'd behave like a civilized monster, I wouldn't have to restrain you."

All the anger drained from his demeanor when Jake got his first good look at his friend. "Oh man… Embry… why?" He sank to his knees and picked up one of Embry's hands. "Why didn't you talk to me first?"

Jake's expression changed again as he morphed from distraught friend to Emergency Medical Technician. "Emmett, go check the chopper for more medical supplies. I need all the intravenous fluids you can find. Sophie Sweetheart, does Embry's blood bother you?"

"No Uncle Jake. I like Embry's blood!"

"That's what I was afraid of. Go with your daddy and help him find more medicine for Embry, okay?"

As soon as they were out the door, Jake whispered, "I need to get this IV needle in Embry's arm so we can get some fluids in him as soon as possible. I don't want to trigger an episode of bloodlust for Sophie."

I couldn't help the snort of derision. "Sophie doesn't do that. She likes blood, but she isn't obsessed with it."

Jake didn't say anything, but his eyebrows lifted in surprise. He picked up Embry's arm and started hunting for the best vein. He tapped his wrist a couple of times, frowned, and then searched for his pulse. I started to get worried when he dropped Embry's arm and pressed his ear to his chest. Worry turned to terror when Jake swore loudly then yelled, "Get the defibrillator out of the chopper. NOW!"

~***~

**A/N I am so grateful for the many reviews you all continue to bless me with even though I am so far behind on my replies. I can't tell you how much it means to me, but your faithful reviews are the reason I stayed up until 2:00 am working on this chapter. **


	53. Seeing the Light

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Previously… _I started to get worried when he dropped Embry's arm and pressed his ear to his chest. Worry turned to terror when Jake swore loudly then yelled, "Get the defibrillator out of the chopper. NOW!"_

Chapter 53: Seeing the Light

Embry Call's point of view

Wow. That was so strange. One minute I was lying on the floor so wracked with pain I was begging Blondie to kill me, and now I was floating in the air, pain free and…

_Ah-oh_… _Am I dead? Did she actually do it? _She must have. I knew my life didn't really matter to Blondie but it surprised me that she would actually _kill _me. At least I didn't hurt anymore. In fact, I felt _GREAT _, much better than just a release from the pain.

Everything was so _bright_—brighter than the sun at noon. Awesome! The quality of the light was different though, more blue than yellow… like lightening. Only instead of a brief blinding flash, it was continuous.

_Is this heaven?_ Holy sh… Oops, I better watch my mouth, or thoughts, or whatever. I'm pretty sure God doesn't like cussin'. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure God doesn't like a lot of things I do all the time. How the hell… I mean heck… did I wind up in heaven?

_I'm totally fine with it! Just in case you're listening God, I'm more than fine, I'm thrilled, just a little surprised. This is even better than winning the lottery. Oops, sorry… is gambling a sin?_

I started to look around and was shocked when I realized I was alone. Wasn't someone supposed to meet me, you know guide me across the ocean to the other side? Oh well… I guess not all our legends are true.

That thought sent me hurtling towards the source of the light. It grew even brighter and more intense the closer I got. I was surprised it didn't hurt my eyes to look at it. Wait a minute… _eyes?... _I had both of my eyes. Whoa, that's cool.

I felt so light and free and… joyful… until I heard Sophie softly crying. I felt the familiar tug on my heart and instinctively knew I had to choose. I could continue towards the light and leave all the pain and sorrow of my earthly life behind me—or I could go back.

As soon as I thought of going back, I felt the familiar pull of Leah and Sophie trying to rip me apart. I also felt a new tug, a new bond that pulled at my very soul, pulling me back toward the light. I knew I would be happy if I followed it. I would find peace, comfort, and bliss beyond anything I had yet to experience. I knew this without a doubt. But, what would that do to Leah and Sophie? What about my unborn child? I wanted to see my son, to hold him in my arms just once before I died.

I was still debating my decision when a beautiful young woman emerged from the center of the light.

"Few are given the chance to make this choice, so choose wisely." Her voice was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Hers was the loveliest face I had ever seen.

Who was this creature? She seemed so familiar, but I knew I had never seen her before. Was she an angel? She laughed and the sound was sweeter than music.

"I am not an angel. But thank you for the compliment." I reached for her, but she held up one hand to stop me. "I'm sorry, you may not touch me." She smiled with compassion, and it filled my heart with rapture. "Not yet."

Her eyes stared right through me, into my soul, and I felt so much pure love for this heavenly being it hurt. I wanted to know her, to learn all about her. Was she mortal? Had she lived and died like me? What was her story? What was her name? Did she even have a name?

"I am called many things, but you may call me Theresa."

Fact number one… her name is Theresa. Fact number two… she can read my mind.

She laughed again and said, "Yes, I can read your mind." Her smile faded just a little and she seemed sad. "You don't have much time. Choose quickly or the choice will be made for you."

I found myself once again in the old cabin. Blondie was holding my little angel in her arms and trying to console her. I felt like I was being pulled in three different directions. Sophie, Leah and Theresa all owned a piece of my soul.

I was confused and disoriented as I watched my oldest friend work on a deathly still body. He was using one of those battery-jumper-things Docs on TV use to restart hearts that have stopped beating. Jake didn't bother to yell "clear" like they do on TV. He just kept using the same swearword over and over. It was getting a little redundant. I could give him a few pointers for more creative combinations… but then I thought about Theresa and heaven. I realized I didn't want to swear anymore. In fact, I didn't want to do a lot of things anymore. I wanted to be… _good. _Weird_._

"Come on Embry! Don't you dare give up you lazy sonofabitch!" _Whoa! Was that me on the floor? _Well, duh… of course it was me… everyone who just died raise your hand.

Apparently, dying doesn't make you any smarter. I recognized the Alpha tone in Jake's command, but it had no effect on me. Jake couldn't choose for me—not this time.

"Uncle Jake, please don't let my Embry die." If I weren't already dead, the sound of Sophie's grief-stricken voice would have killed me.

Jake sat back on his heels and dropped the paddles of the heart-starter-thing to the floor. "I'm sorry Sophie… so, so sorry. His shoulders shook as he began to sob. I felt bad for my best friend, but it paled in comparison to the remorse I felt for causing Sophie and Leah's grief.

"NO!" Sophie screamed and struggled to escape her mother's grasp. Rose let go and Sophie crawled to my side. She flung her body on top of mine and pressed her hands to my face. I felt it. I felt her tiny soft hands trembling on my face, even though it was just the empty shell of my body. I couldn't stand to see her suffer. Her grief was unbearable to witness. I made my decision.

Blinding pain assaulted every inch of my body. My heart _hurt _as it tried to restart itself. My chest was so heavy, it took all my concentration to draw in just one feeble breath of air. "Momma! He's alive!"

Sophie's sweet voice was the only thing that stopped me from begging for death… again.

~***~


	54. Sometimes Life Really Sucks

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Thanks to "Melody-May" for pointing out the danger of trying to restrain someone during a seizure. She said, "If someone were having a seizure you should never restrain them. You could make the seizure longer or injure yourself and the person."**

**Please do NOT assume that any advice or medical treatments the characters in this story give each other are suitable for "real" people. I have about as much medical expertise as Rosalie… and she wanted to give Embry an aspirin for vampire venom poisoning.**

**~***~**

Chapter 54: Sometimes Life Really Sucks

Jacob Black's point of view

I tried so many times to restart Embry's heart and each time I lost a little more hope. Not once did I see so much as a flutter. But I couldn't accept it. _This is _NOT _happening! _"Come on Embry! Don't you dare give up you lazy sonofabitch!"

I gave up when the defibrillator battery died.

My best friend was dead and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I should have spent more time explaining to Nessie the importance of keeping the rituals a secret. If she had understood, she never would have shown Quil. I should have given Quil an Alpha order to not think about or reveal any of the rituals. I should have…

"Uncle Jake, please don't let my Embry die."

I dropped the defibrillator paddles as despair and grief overwhelmed me. "I'm sorry Sophie… so, so sorry."

"NO!" Sophie screamed and threw herself on Embry's body. I couldn't bear the sight of her anguish. I couldn't hold back my own grief any longer either, and cried without shame. I wanted my Nessie… it was more than mere desire, I _needed _Nessie. I felt her pull stronger than I had in months.

"Momma! He's alive!"

Sophie's desperate denial broke my heart. What will Embry's death do to this child? He died before the ritual was complete. She is still bound to him. How will she survive?

My voice cracked when I tried to explain to Sophie that "her" Embry was gone. "I'm so sorry Honey." I had to choke back another sob before I could continue. "He's not a vampire, Sophie. He can't live without a beating heart. I did everything I could to save him, but… but, it wasn't enough."

"No! Uncle Jake, _listen_. Don't you hear it? My Embry's heart _is_ beating. He's trying to breathe. Help him breathe." Sophie was adamantly refusing to believe Embry was dead.

"She's right Jake! Listen!" Emmett cocked his head to the side and grinned.

It was faint and irregular, but it was beating. Embry's heart was beating! "MOVE!" I must have been a little too rough with Sophie as I pushed her out of my way. Both of her parents hissed at me, but Sophie just giggled and clapped her hands as I tilted Embry's head to open his airway. "Someone grab the manual ventilator!"

I started mouth to mouth resuscitation but only got in one breath before Rose handed me the breathing apparatus she had retrieved from the helicopter.

It didn't take long for Embry to start breathing on his own. At least I didn't have to attempt to intubate him. My skills were already tested way beyond my training. As soon as Embry was relatively stable, I called Morgan and discussed treatment options over the phone.

She convinced me it would be safer for Embry if we didn't attempt to move him. She claimed everything we might possibly need was in the rescue helicopter parked just outside the door. _Everything except a real doctor that understood shape-shifter physiology. _ I missed Carlisle.

"If you need any advice or have any more questions don't hesitate to call."

"Um, Morgan… how is Leah?"

"Jacob, I think you have more than enough to worry about already. Why don't you let me worry about Leah? You need to stay focused on Embry."

"What the hell is wrong with Leah?" I didn't mean to growl at her. I knew Morgan was just trying to help, but I was too stressed out to be polite.

Morgan sighed and her voice sounded tired and sad. "I've got her on terbutaline for premature labor. She isn't happy about being here, and of course she is worried sick about Embry and the baby, but Jasper is using his talents to keep her relatively calm."

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

"Jake? Are you there?"

"Yeah Morgan, I'm here." I didn't think I would be able to handle more bad news. "Were you able to stop her labor? How far along is she anyway? Embry mentioned that the fetus seemed to be developing faster than normal. What are the chances for survival if the baby decides to come early?"

"I honestly don't know what the baby's chances are if she's delivered this early. I haven't had much experience with non-human babies, except for my own of course. Right now we just need to do all we can to keep Leah's baby in her uterus."

"Can I talk to Leah?"

"I'm afraid not, Jacob. I don't want to risk upsetting her. I'll give her an update on Embry's status as soon as we end this call. Okay?"

"Sure, sure, what ever you think is best. Keep me posted on Leah's condition and call me if _anything _changes."

~***~

IV fluids kept Embry hydrated, but even intravenous medication didn't seem to alleviate his pain or fever. Even though he wasn't conscious, Embry still thrashed and groaned in obvious agony. Sophie watched me like a hawk, but stayed calm and out the way as long as I explained exactly what I was doing and _why _I was doing it.

"I'm just injecting some medicine into Embry's IV line. It's supposed to make him feel better."

"Uncle Jake, I want to help. I want to help my Embry feel better." Sophie's sad-puppy-wide-eyed gaze was impossible to resist. I gave her a sterile cloth out of the first-aid kit and a bottle of water so she could bathe Embry's face. I thought she would get bored after a few minutes and wander off. I was wrong. Sophie refused to leave Embry, even when he vomited.

Embry was unresponsive to everything except Sophie' voice and touch. She was the only "medicine" that was the least bit effective. But when Embry started to tremble, I grabbed Sophie and handed her kicking and screaming to Emmett. I didn't want her to get hurt. I had never witnessed an actual seizure before. None of my training prepared me for the violence of Embry's convulsions.

Rosalie shocked me when she threw herself on top of Embry, pinning him to the floor. Now I understood why Embry had suffered so many broken bones during his previous convulsions.

"No! Rose, don't do that! Never restrain a person during a seizure. Just get everything out of his way." Sophie continued to cry and struggle against Emmett's restraining embrace. "Hold on to her, Emmett!"

"Sophie, we have to let Uncle Jake take care of Embry now. He's in charge. Even Momma has to do what Uncle Jake says while Embry is sick."

"NO! Daddy, my Embry needs me. He needs me now!"

"Stop it Sophie. Embry needs you to listen to Uncle Jake and do what he says." I was impressed with the gentle yet firm way Emmett controlled his daughter. "Can you do that?"

Sophie didn't answer but she quit struggling and let Emmett hold her until I said it was okay for her to start bathing Embry's face again.

I was so relieved when Embry's fever broke. Rose and Emmett took Sophie outside so I could clean him up and wrap him in fresh blankets. I don't remember much about the first twenty-four hours of my own ordeal after Nessie bit me. But if it was anything like Embry's, I'm glad I can't remember it.

His temperature, heartbeat and respiration rate were stable, but Embry continued to moan, his face contorting in pain. Sophie was obviously exhausted but refused to go to sleep. She fussed and whined as Rose tried to rock her in her arms. Each little whimper caused Embry to flinch.

"Rose, Embry is over the worst of it. Let Sophie lie next to him. It will be good for both of them."

Her eyes flashed with fury and she looked as dangerous as any red-eyed vamp. "NO! There is no way my daughter is _sleeping _with that dog!"

Her unspoken accusation dispelled all feelings of camaraderie. It took all of my self-control to keep from phasing on the spot. "What are you saying Rosalie? You know Embry doesn't think of her like _that. _It's no different than the way it was for Nessie and I when she was little."

"Yeah, well I didn't exactly approve of that inappropriate relationship either. In fact if Nessie were my daughter…"

"Enough! Rosalie, you know there was nothing _inappropriate _about Jake and Nessie's relationship. There is nothing inappropriate about Embry and Sophie's relationship either."

"But Emmett…"

"No Rose, no 'buts'. Embry risked his life to free Sophie from the imprint. You know he would never hurt our little girl. Why are you acting like this?"

"I just… I don't… It's just not _appropriate._" Rose huffed in obvious frustration at her inability to justify her prejudice.

Emmett went to the chopper and returned with Sophie wrapped in a clean blanket. He returned Rosalie's glare and laid their daughter on the floor next to Embry. She immediately snuggled into his side, popped her thumb into her mouth and fell asleep.

Rose and Emmett argued quietly through the night, Sophie and Embry slept, and I watched.

~***~

I must have dozed off sometime during the night. The sun shining in my eyes woke me and I immediately felt guilty for neglecting Embry. "He's fine Jake, go back to sleep. I started monitoring him the minute you fell asleep."

It looked like "Nice Rose" was back this morning. "How long was I out?" I stretched and yawned before she answered.

"One hour, forty-seven minutes, and twenty-eight seconds." I would never get used to the way vamps could calculate time right down to the second.

Embry groaned and rolled his head to the side. _Crap! _"Rose! Emmett! We need to get out of here NOW!" I whisper yelled.

"I'm not leaving Sophie in here alone with…" Emmett grabbed her and carried her out of the cabin. I was right behind them.

"What the hell, Emmett?" Rose was fuming again.

Emmett's usually cheerful face hardened just a bit. "Carlisle's message said to trust Jake. Jake said we needed to leave, and it didn't look like you were leaving."

Rose opened her mouth to argue, but Sophie's voice froze all of us.

"Good morning, Embry. Are you feeling better now?"

She didn't call him "her" Embry. That had to be a good sign.

"I actually feel pretty lousy, Kiddo. Where's Jake?" Embry's voice was kind but it wasn't the normal tender tone he used when talking to Sophie.

That was my cue to go back in. I knelt beside Embry and checked his pulse. It was normal, his skin was the same temperature as mine, and his color had improved dramatically. I couldn't keep the goofy grin off my face so my reprimand was less than effective. "If you _ever _pull a stunt like this again Embry, I swear I will tear you apart limb from limb."

"I'm sorry Jake. But you know why I did it." He looked at Sophie sadly, and reached for her hand. She gave it to him willingly.

"Um… did it work, Embry? Do you feel any less… you know connected?"

He shook his head "no" and sighed.

"That doesn't mean it didn't work, Embry. I didn't know that my imprint to Nessie was broken until Old Quil told me it was. You did everything required by the ritual, so I'm sure it worked."

That's not good enough. Leah is going to want proof."

_Oh crap, I'm going to have to tell him about Leah. I better let Morgan check him out before hitting him with bad news._

"We need to get you back to civilization, let Morgan check you out, and when you feel up to it, we'll go talk to Old Quil."

"Okay. Hey Jake, can I borrow your phone? I want to call Leah."

I felt my face fall as my heart sank. I couldn't lie to him. I just hoped he was strong enough to handle it. "Embry, Leah went into premature labor but Morgan has her on medication to try to stop it…"

Embry grabbed my arm and tried to stand up as he shouted, "NO!" Emmett moved at vampire speed and ducked under his arm helping me support him as we made our way to the chopper.

Embry's whispered prayer broke my heart all over again.

"Oh God, Why? Please don't let anything happen to Leah… or our baby. Please. I came back so I could be with _them_. I don't want to live without them."

Sometimes life really sucks.

~***~

**A/N voting starts for the Sparkle Awards on Friday, October 16, 2009. If you have enjoyed this story, I would appreciate your votes. **

"**Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever" was nominated for "The Imprint Award" (Best Original Plot).**

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	55. Ties That Bind

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter 55: Ties That Bind

"Nessie, I'm so sorry. I… I have to go."

"I understand Jake. It's okay, Embry needs you. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Jake pulled her into his chest and whispered softly, "I always want you with me, but I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Leah. Can you do that?"

"Of course, Jacob." She gave him a quick squeeze and murmured. "I'm so sorry I showed Quil…"

"Nessie, please don't do that. This isn't your fault."

She didn't agree, but knew that Jake had enough to worry about. He didn't need the added burden of trying to ease her guilty conscious. She put her hands on his cheeks and projected her feelings of love and admiration for him, and her concern for Embry as well as Sophie. _Don't worry about me. Just take care of Embry. I'll be waiting for you…_

Nessie inadvertently projected the image of what they were doing when Quil interrupted them this morning.

Jake pulled her roughly against his body and crushed her lips with his mouth. The kiss was passionate but quick. He released her and immediately kissed her palms. "I love you so much. I promise we will have a _real _honeymoon someday soon."

"I hate to interrupt your little make-out session, but Embry could be dying while you two suck face." Leah was furious, bitter, and absolutely correct.

Nessie gave Jake one last hug and gently pushed him away. "She's right Jacob, you need to hurry. Call me when you get a chance."

~***~

Nessie watched as Leah paced back and forth in front of the huge plate glass window overlooking the stream. She had already chewed her fingernails down to the quick, but continued to gnaw at the bloody nubs as she muttered to herself. "Stupid, irresponsible, inconsiderate, jerk! Why does he have to be so impulsive and irrational?"

Leah paused her pacing and pressed her forehead against the window, staring at the spot where Jake and Emmett had disappeared into the forest. Her voice softened as she gently rubbed her round belly and closed her eyes. "God… please protect him… let him be okay."

Nessie added her own silent prayers to Leah's whispers. _"Please help Jake take of care Embry, please God, don't let Embry die."_

Leah groaned and doubled over, clutching her belly. "Leah! Are you okay?" Nessie darted to her side and was shocked when Leah grabbed her arm for support.

"It hurts." Leah bit her lip and whimpered.

"Morgan!" Nessie shouted, and the room was instantly full of vampires. Leah didn't even seem to notice and that fact alone caused Nessie to panic until a wave of calm settled over her. _Ah… Jasper._

It took Morgan a couple of minutes to appear. She was only human and couldn't move with vampire speed. She did however diagnose the problem as soon as she saw Leah's panicked face and painful posture.

"I need someone to carry her up to the infirmary." Marcus wrinkled his nose then moved cautiously toward Leah as if she were a frightened, wild animal. The analogy proved to be accurate. Leah growled at him and threatened to rip his rip his hands off if he so much as touched her.

"Leah, you need to let us help you. I need to get you upstairs so I can examine you and try to stop your labor. If you don't want Marcus to carry you, I'm sure Esme, Jasper, or Alice would be happy to assist you." Morgan's voice was just the right combination of compassion and clout to get Leah's attention and partial cooperation.

"Nessie can help me." The harsh expression on Leah's face melted as she looked at Nessie with fearful eyes. "Can't you?"

"Sure, sure, no problem." Nessie moved to Leah's side and slipped her arm around her thick waist. Leah wrapped her arm over Nessie's shoulder, but cried out in pain before she could take a single step. "It's okay Leah, I'm not as strong as a wolf or a full vamp, but I'm strong enough to carry you."

Leah closed her eyes and nodded. Nessie picked her up, cradled her against her chest like a child, and carried her easily upstairs. When she placed her on the railed bed in the infirmary, Leah grabbed her hand. Nessie arched her eyebrows in surprise and Leah whispered, "Please… stay with me?"

"Of course, Leah; I'll stay with you as long as long as you want." Nessie never left her side and Leah never let go of her hand.

~***~

"Your membranes are intact and you haven't begun to dilate yet, which is very good news. I recommend we hook you up to an IV and give you an initial dose of intravenous magnesium sulfate. We can follow up with subcutaneous terbutaline therapy administered with an intravenous infusion pump."

Morgan brushed Leah's brow gently with her fingertips and sighed. "From the ultrasound images, it looks like your baby would have a very difficult time surviving if she were delivered today."

Leah sobbed once and bit her lip before Morgan continued. "Now, now, don't despair Love, I have every expectation that this aggressive treatment will work. Your child is developing at an accelerated rate so I am confident that just two more weeks of gestation will give her a much better chance of survival."

Morgan gave Leah's hand a squeeze and said, "It's important to keep a good attitude and remain calm. I know you aren't a fan of vampires, but Jasper's gift could help. Are you willing to let him try?"

Leah took a deep breath. "Okay, as long as he stays upwind. My enhanced abilities aren't quite as enhanced as they were before I got pregnant, but my nose still can't handle the stench of a vamp in close proximity."

Nessie tried to move away, but Leah grabbed her hand even tighter.

"No Nessie. You smell just fine." Leah dropped her eyes and blushed. "It's like the difference between walking into a scented candle store at the mall, versus the aroma of a single candle burning in a room. You still smell like a vamp, but it isn't painful or even unpleasant. In fact, you smell pretty good."

~***~

Nessie didn't know if it was the drugs, Jasper, or a combination of both, but Leah's labor stopped and she fell into a deep and relaxed slumber. When she dropped her hand, Nessie crawled onto the couch and dozed lightly. She was dreaming of Jake when Morgan entered the room to check on Leah.

"Morgan, have you heard anything from Jake?" Nessie whispered quietly to keep from waking Leah.

"Yes, I just got off the phone with him." Nessie was momentarily disappointed that he hadn't asked to talk to her. She knew he would have if he could have so she didn't let it bother her. "Embry is in critical but stable condition. If it weren't for Leah, I would have insisted Rose come get me so I could help." Morgan rubbed her forehead with her fingertips and took a deep breath. "I sympathize with her situation. I wouldn't want my little guy magically bound to a giant dog either, but I wish Rose had trusted me enough to ask for my help before she poisoned Embry."

Nessie's eyes narrowed in anger at the unintentional insult. "I know everyone in my family refers to the members of Jake's pack as 'dogs', but I am getting tired of it. My husband and his friends are not dogs. They are brave and powerful protectors who risk their lives to keep humans safe from _leeches _and_ bloodsuckers_."

Morgan flinched when Nessie used the pack's derogatory terms for vampires and apologized. "I'm sorry Nessie. It was not my intention to offend you. Please forgive me."

"I'm sorry Morgan, I'm not usually this easily offended. I guess it's just all the stress."

"S'not true, Neshie. You are veeeery eeshee to offend." Leah sounded drunk. Nessie raised her eyebrows and looked at Morgan who smiled indulgently.

"It's just the magnesium sulfate. Don't pay any attention to anything she says for the next several hours." Morgan's smile widened as she checked the latest printouts from the monitors. "It looks like we have some good news. Leah is no longer having regular contractions."

~***~

Nessie's hopes continued to rise with the sun. She could actually feel Jake getting closer and grinned when her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She flipped the phone open and breathed his name, "Jake."

"Hi Nessie, we're on our way back. How's Leah? Any change since the last update?"

"Nope. She's still sleeping soundly and the baby is doing great, but Morgan wants to keep her here for the next two weeks so she can keep an eye on her."

"Oh boy. That's not going to be an easy argument to win." Jake sounded exhausted.

"Actually she's already agreed to it. On one condition…"

"Really? What condition?"

"She wants me to stay here with her."

"Are you kidding me? Why?"

"I think she trusts me, Jake. Besides, she knows that if I stay—you won't be far. Do you mind? Leah needs all the support she can get. She's been through so much…"

"Ness, Sweetheart… I don't know what to say. You are so freakin' amazing! I love you so much. I'm going to call Quil and have him check us out of the honeymoon cottage and haul our stuff over to the Cullen's."

"That sounds wonderful, Jake. I'll see you when you get here."

~***~

Nessie was waiting in the clearing when the chopper arrived. The wind from the rotors blew her curls in her face but she still saw Jake jump out before it landed. Watching this display of his athletic prowess filled her with pride and… lust. Jake ducked low to avoid the spinning rotors of the helicopter as it landed and ran to Nessie.

He picked her up, swung her around and then kissed her passionately as she wrapped her legs around his waist and tangled her fingers in his hair. Their reunion was interrupted by Sophie's excited laughter.

"Aunt Nessie, guess what! Embry got sick and almost died, but he didn't and I helped take care of him. He's still sick but he's getting better and guess what? Embry and Leah are going to have a baby and I can help take care of her. Embry said so."

"Whoa, slow down Kiddo." Nessie noticed that not once did Sophie refer to him as "my" Embry. She also managed to say Leah's name without hissing. Jake released her so Nessie could pick up the bouncing little girl. She silently mouthed the question over Sophie's head, _"Is the imprint broken?" _

Jake shrugged his shoulders and whispered, "I don't know. I hope so. We need to talk to Old Quil."

~***~

"Embry Call, get your ass up here right now!" Leah was tethered to the hospital bed by the tubes and wires of the IV pump and monitors but she sounded down right frightening and Nessie felt sorry for Embry.

Embry was hooked up to an IV drip, but insisted Jake help him out of bed so he could sit next to Leah. "Here's the deal Jake, either you move that recliner next to Leah's bed and help me get settled there, or I'm ripping this tube out of my arm and climbing in bed with her."

"What makes you think I'd let you in my bed?" Leah was getting angrier by the minute.

Nessie didn't want to intrude on Leah and Embry, but knew her place was by Jake's side. Morgan and Jasper were both trying to quiet her, but Leah was not an easy person to calm down once she became angry.

Even with an audience… Leah and Embry's reunion was full of drama, tears, swearing, passion, remorse and finally forgiveness and love.

"If you ever do anything like this again Embry Call, I swear I will…"

Embry climbed out of the recliner, leaned over the rails of Leah's bed and silenced her with a kiss. He mumbled, "I love you, Leah" against her lips, then dropped his head to her belly and whispered, "I love you too, now be a good girl and stay put until Dr. Morgan says you can come out." Nessie's eyes stung when she noticed Jake furtively wiping away a tear.

"Girl?" Leah grabbed a fistful of Embry's hair and lifted his head, forcing him to look at her. "I thought you were convinced our baby was a boy? Who told you it was a girl?" Leah glared at Morgan, Nessie, and Jacob silently accusing them of revealing the ultrasound results.

"No one told me, I just… I don't know… I just have a feeling that's all. So… do you know for sure? Was Morgan able to determine the sex of the baby?"

"Yeah." Leah's eyes lit up, but then clouded over with anxiety. "If I can keep from pushing her out too early… we will have a daughter."

~***~

Embry and Leah fell asleep holding hands so Jake, Nessie, and Morgan joined everyone else around the dining room table.

"Jacob, I saved a plate of food for you in the kitchen. Why don't you bring it in here and eat while we talk." Esme smiled kindly at Seth and Quil. "You boys can't possibly still be hungry. In fact, I doubt if you will have room for dessert." The way Quil and Seth widened their eyes and grinned was comical.

"There's always room for dessert, Esme… especially if it's one of your pies." Seth grinned at her and licked his lips.

"I baked an entire pie for each of you." Esme laughed, but then looked at them sternly and shook her finger at them. "That means there is no need to fight over portion sizes."

Jake returned to the dining room carrying a platter piled high with roast venison, carrots, potatoes, and onions in one hand and a huge cherry pie in the other. "That's very kind of you Esme, but Quil and Seth won't be able to stay for dessert, they need to get back to the rez."

"Are you kidding me?" Quil whined.

"Yes." Jake replied evenly, then grinned. "You have time for dessert, but I need you to notify everyone to meet me in the meadow tonight at eleven. I think it's time I lay down the law concerning these secret rituals."

"Sure Jake." Quil mumbled, "I'm so sorry…"

"S'okay Quil. What's done is done and it looks like everything worked out fine this time. I just wish I knew for sure that Embry and Sophie's imprint was broken."

"It is." Marcus silenced the room with his remark. The wolves even stopped eating and looked at him with surprise.

"How do you know?" Jake asked.

"I have the ability to see the bonds between people. The imprint bond is unique from all others I have ever seen." Marcus must have gathered from the blank expressions on most of their faces that they needed clarification.

"Everyone has 'cords' or 'strings' that indicate the way they are bound to others. My cords and strings are teal blue. When I first met Morgan, I watched as several of my strings floated out from my body and attached to hers. Her beautiful Kelly green tendrils wrapped around my strings and tugged at my heart. Everyday those strings increase in size and strength. Our baby's strings are bright yellow and each one of them is wrapped tightly with green and teal binding him to us.

"The bond between Jasper and Alice is perfectly balanced. Jasper's bonds are sky blue while Alice's are bright pink. Both of their bonds are equal in thickness and strength and they are intertwined so tightly it would be impossible to break them apart.

"Jasper's bonds to Esme, Emmett and Rose are much weaker than his bond to Alice, but they are still quite strong. His bond to Luca is stronger than his bond to Alejandro, while Alice is tied tighter to the boy."

Alice raised her eyebrows at Jasper and smirked, her expression clearly saying, "_I told you so!"_

Jasper nodded slowly and said, "We'll work on it."

"Now, Quil's bond to Claire is much thicker and stronger than hers is to him." Quil's eyes widened in alarm. "Don't worry Quil; it will grow stronger as she ages. Your bond looks like a normal parent/child bond except for the imprint that surrounds both of your cords. It is a beautiful thing to behold. Shimmering, glowing, and pulsing with energy and light. I could spend years just staring at imprinted bonds."

Marcus smiled and looked at Seth. "I believe congratulations are in order. When did you imprint?"

Seth grinned and his face lit up. "At the bonfire. It was amazing! She is amazing!" His smile faded and he sighed. "But she won't even talk to me."

Marcus laughed kindly and patted him on the back. "Her bond is orange and is at this very moment twisting around your purple cord within the glowing and protective sheathe of the imprint. Go to her Seth, but don't push her." Seth stood up so quickly he knocked his chair over. He yelled, "Thanks, Marcus!" over his shoulder as he ran out the door and jumped off the porch. He didn't even finish his pie.

"So you think Embry and Sophie's imprint is broken? What does that look like?" Jake asked sadly and Nessie knew he was wondering what their own bond looked like now.

"Embry's cord is yellow, Sophie's is pale pink, and Leah's is violet. Embry and Sophie's connection looked a lot like Quil and Claire's before they broke it. Embry's cord was much thicker and stronger than Sophie's, but the imprint that surrounded their bond multiplied the connection making it a hundred times stronger for both of them. It's like a conduit between two souls.

"Now, the bond between Sophie and Embry looks like a normal parent/child bond. Without the imprint to protect it, I imagine it will progress or fade naturally depending on whether or not they maintain their friendship.

"The bond between Embry and Leah has fascinated me from the first time I saw it. The twisted yellow and violet cords are knotted, tangled, and frayed but held together by a blood red cord that belongs to both of them equally. I assume it is from the binding ritual since they don't share the red cord with anyone else, it's just between the two of them. This red cord is wrapped so tightly around their bond I can barely see the yellow and violet of their individual cords. This bond is just as permanent as an imprint bond, but does not act as a conduit."

Nessie gave Jake's hand a squeeze and asked the question she knew he wanted answered, but was afraid to ask. "Marcus, what does the bond between Jacob and I look like?"

"I'm glad you asked, Renesmee. Your bond puzzles me. Your cords are silver and Jake's are gold. They are tightly wound and would be stronger than most even without the added blood red cord that wraps them securely. Your imprint bond is the brightest I've ever seen. Much brighter than Rachel and Paul's, Jared and Kim's, and even Sam and Emily's."

"Wait a minute… Nessie and I broke our imprint before we found you and Morgan in the jungle… I don't understand." Jake was frowning, but his heart was pounding frantically.

"That is what puzzles me, Jacob. When I met you and Nessie, the only bond you had was the gold and silver of your individual cords. At that time, Jacob's gold cord was much stronger and thicker than Renesmee's. Now your individual cords are balanced and equal in strength. The blood red cord that overlays your bond is easily explained by your missing finger. However, I am curious to know how you restored your imprint bond."

"I… I… don't know… we're imprinted? The bond is back?" Jake was trembling with barely contained hope and joy. Nessie could _feel _it. She knew what he was feeling as if Jake were projecting it.

"Yes, your imprinted bond is back. How is it possible you are not aware of it?"

"I don't know."

Nessie placed her palms on Jake's cheek and replayed the memory of the first time they made love. "_One flesh, one heart, one mind. I am yours, and you are mine, forever_."

Jake's eyes widened and his lips parted as he stared at her in amazement and wonder. He kissed her palms and whispered one word… "Magic."

~***~

**A/N Sincere thanks to everyone that is voting for me and my story over at the Sparkle Awards. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! **

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"**Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever" **_** The Imprint Award (Best Original Plot).**_

**Charlotte Webber… **_**The La Tua Cantante Award (Best Author)**_

**I went to the "Mullet Festival" today in Niceville, Florida. Guess what? They were celebrating a type of fish and not the weird haircuts from the 80's. What a hoot! I had a great time, but I am exhausted! Staying up late to write then running around with family during the day is starting to catch up with me. YAWN! **

**A little sleep deprivation makes for some weird writing!**


	56. Momma Wolf

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter 56: Momma Wolf

"Jake, I don't know about this. Maybe I should go back to the house and wait for you…" Jake had insisted that she accompany him to the pack meeting in the meadow. She could sense everyone staring at her and it made her feel unwelcome and awkward. She couldn't meet their eyes and kept her gaze on Jake's face or her own feet.

"No way Nessie. We are still on our honeymoon and unless it is a true emergency I'm not letting you out of my sight." Jake pulled her tightly into his side and kissed the top of her head. Nessie bit her lip and snuggled into Jake's chest when she overheard several mumbled complaints about "allowing non-wolves to attend a pack meeting".

Jake growled quietly, and the power of command pulsed all around him. He looked magnificent and dangerous. Nessie felt safe and protected within his embrace. She realized he was "Alpha posturing" when she noticed that each member of the pack had averted their eyes and lowered their gazes to the ground.

"Does anyone have a problem with Nessie attending the meeting?" No one so much as breathed. "I didn't think so." Jake relaxed and the tension instantly dissolved. "I assume you are all aware of Embry and Leah's situation. Is there anyone here that does not know about the binding and breaking rituals?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Collin folded his arms across his chest and leaned against a tree.

"Me either." Brady grumbled. "The last time I phased was four days ago, so I haven't shared the pack mind recently." He shrugged his huge shoulders and said, "It sounds like we missed out on some serious gossip, Bro."

Jake rolled his eyes impatiently at the two clueless young men. "Nessie Sweetheart, do you mind bringing them up to speed?"

"Of course not." She slid out from under Jake's arm and motioned for Collin and Brady to come forward. They glanced at her warily, then at Jake as if questioning his sanity. Nessie's heart instantly warmed as soon as she looked into their worried eyes. "Come on you two, I promise not to bite." Nessie was only trying to encourage them, but the rest of the pack seemed to think her sarcastic remark was hilarious.

Nessie blushed then placed one hand on each of their faces. She projected the basic information as quickly as she could, sensing the discomfort of the two wolves as she shared her gift.

As soon as she broke the connection, Brady and Collin began to fire questions at Jake. "How is Embry?... Is Leah okay?... Is the baby alright?... Are you and Nessie really married?... Did Embry break his imprint?"

"Slow down guys. Embry is recovering, but it will be a while before he regains full strength. Leah is on medication to keep her from going into labor. The baby is developing at an accelerated rate and should be viable in about two weeks. Nessie and I _are_ married, and yes, Embry broke his imprint. Does that cover it?"

Collin and Brady nodded their heads with shocked looks on their faces.

"There is one other bit of news you might have missed." Seth ran his hand over his head and grinned. "I imprinted."

"Whoa! Seriously? Wow! That's great Seth. Who is she?" Collin and Brady were genuinely happy for their friend and excited to hear every detail about his imprint, Dee.

Nessie was thrilled when Seth announced that Dee had agreed to go on a date with him. Even if the imprinted bond wasn't influencing her, she was bound to succumb to Seth's gentle charm and sweet personality. Nessie felt a thrill of what could only be described as maternal pride surge through her when she caught Seth's eye.

She felt compelled to look closely at each member of Jake's pack and when her eyes met theirs, she felt a _connection. _She no longer felt intimidated or unwelcome, even when her grumpy and scary-looking brother-in-law Paul, stared boldly back at her. She felt rapidly increasing levels of concern and love for each member of Jake's pack. Nessie placed her hand on Jake's cheek and projected her confusion as well as these new and strange emotions.

Jake grinned, kissed her palm, then her forehead, and whispered, "It's what I feel for them as well. Welcome to the pack Momma Wolf."

Jake sank gracefully to the ground and pulled Nessie into his lap. The rest of the pack followed his example and arranged themselves on the ground in a loose semi-circle facing their leader.

"I don't like to use Alpha commands, but quite frankly these ancient rituals scare the crap out of me. I don't want there to be any doubt in anyone's mind, so prepare yourselves." Jake paused for a second while the rest of his pack took a collective deep breath and nodded in agreement.

"NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SPEAK OF, PARTICIPATE IN, OR PERFORM THE BINDING OR BREAKING RITUALS WITHOUT MY PRIOR APPROVAL. Is that understood?"

"Yes." The pack answered in unison.

"Good. If you have any questions, now is the time to ask."

Sam leaned forward and asked, "May I make a suggestion?"

"Of course, Sam. What's on your mind."

"I recommend you announce your marriage as soon as possible. Esau Dukit overheard someone quizzing Old Quil about it at the bonfire." Quil bit his lip and stared at his feet when Sam glared at him. "He's spreading rumors and badmouthing Nessie, claiming that you eloped because you knew the council would disapprove." Sam looked at Nessie apologetically. "He's also hinted around that the reason you married her so quickly is because you got her pregnant."

Jake was trembling with rage. Nessie quickly palmed his face. _"It's okay, Jake. Don't let it upset you; this is a minor problem. Let's host a bonfire to announce our marriage and invite the entire tribe. I don't care if they think I'm pregnant. I wish I were…"_

Nessie jerked her hand away and blushed when she realized she had just told Jake she wanted a baby. He grabbed her wrist, kissed her palm and whispered, "Me too."

Nessie felt guilty for revealing this secret desire. She knew Jake would do his best to give her everything she wanted. It was selfish and irresponsible to think about starting a family when Jake didn't even have a job yet. Hell, they didn't even have a place to live.

She quickly replaced her palm on his cheek. _"I would love to have your baby Jake, but we have plenty of time. There's no need to jump right into parenthood. Let's enjoy being newlyweds for awhile first."_

Jake kissed her palm again and murmured, "What ever you want, Sweetheart."

_Isn't it always? _For as long as she could remember, Jake had sought to grant her every wish. "Not anymore Jacob. It's not just about me. _One flesh, one heart, one mind_… _Remember?_ My happiness is irrevocably tied to yours. Your desires, needs, and wishes are just as important as mine."

"I love you Nessie. We'll talk about it later."

~***~

They spent the rest of the meeting discussing ways to repair the damage Esau's gossip was causing. Seth suggested they all spread the "wonderful news" about Nessie and Jake's marriage and emphasize how happy they are about it.

"If we're proactive about this, we can get the majority of the people on our side. Esau is powerful, but no one likes or trusts him. It won't be difficult to expose his lies as nothing more than a greedy grab for power."

"I like Nessie's idea of inviting the entire tribe to announce their marriage. But instead of a bonfire, why don't we make it a wedding reception and have it in the community center?" Jared was obviously excited, gesturing wildly with his hands as he talked. "Let's put the wolf-wives in charge. I know Kim loves doing this sort of thing. She would love an excuse to pull out all the wedding crap she's saved over the years."

"Emily still has the cake decorating stuff she used for Rachel and Paul's wedding. I'll bet she would love to make another fancy-ass cake." Sam seemed just as excited about the idea of a wedding reception as Jared.

"Yeah, maybe this time the cake won't fall over before the reception starts." Paul smirked and Sam swatted the back of his head.

"Emily felt awful about that and I would appreciate it if you NEVER mention it again."

Paul rubbed his head and growled at Sam. "What are you hitting me for? I didn't say the cake wasn't amazingly delicious."

Nessie was uncomfortable with the idea of a "wedding reception". She didn't want anyone to spend precious family resources purchasing gifts. She once again used her own gift to silently communicate with Jake. He smiled and nodded his agreement.

"We appreciate the offer guys, but our purposes will be better served if we keep it simple. Nessie and I will host the bonfire and provide the meat. Everyone else can bring a salad or side dish to share. The most important thing is NO GIFTS. I can just hear Esau complaining about us wanting wedding presents even though we didn't invite anyone to the wedding."

Sam and Jared were obviously disappointed which seemed out of character. They managed to talk Nessie and Jake into letting them host a dance in the community center after the bonfire. Jake explained, "Those two are as bad as Alice when it comes to parties, but Seth and Embry are even worse. Expect a regular hootenanny if Leah…"

Jake's voice trailed off and the festive mood shifted to one of worry. "I don't feel good about throwing a big party while the fate of Leah and Embry's baby is still… uncertain."

"I'm sure Leah and Embry will understand the political urgency behind the celebration, even if things don't work out for their baby..." Seth coughed to cover the break in his voice.

"I agree with Jake. No one will feel like celebrating if the baby dies." Everyone cringed at Quil's blunt statement, but he didn't seem to notice. "Why don't you go ahead and plan the bonfire for two months from now. You can get it on the calendar, we can all talk it up so everyone knows that Jake and Nessie want to share the joy of their marriage with the whole tribe and by then enough time will have passed that the baby will either be fine or…"

Quil managed to stop himself before he spoke the words no one wanted to hear. _The baby will either be fine… or dead and buried._

The mood remained somber. They all agreed with Quil's plan even if they didn't like it. Jake adjusted the pack's duty roster to cover Embry's patrols while he recovered from his ordeal and waited for the birth of his child.

"Nessie and I are still on our honeymoon, so unless it's something only I can deal with; please take all pack business to Sam. We'll meet here again in one week."

~***~

"This is so frustrating!" Alice complained as she tried to figure out what future event was going to upset Edward so much he was going to smash his piano. "I'm sure it has something to do with Jake and Nessie since I can't see anything!"

Alice rubbed her temples trying to alleviate the inevitable headache she always got when trying to read Nessie's future. "Nessie, how are you planning on telling your parents about your marriage?"

"Ummm… I don't exactly have a plan."

"Well no wonder he's going to be furious! You are going to just let him pick it out of your brain. That's not very nice, Nessie." Alice scolded.

"Actually, I'm planning on telling them the next time they call."

"Oh for heaven's sake, Jacob! That's even worse. No wonder I can't see anything! Nessie, decide to tell your parents when they call."

"Okay?"

"No, it's no good. Edward is still going to demolish his piano." Alice sighed. "He's going to be so upset with himself for destroying such a fine instrument."

"Alice Darlin' would it help if I go with Rose to pick them up when they land in Seattle? Will that work?" Jasper rubbed her shoulders causing Alice to sigh again… this time with relief.

"Yes, that will work. Call the Marriott and reserve a room. You must keep Edward away from his piano for thirteen hours and forty-three minutes if it is going to survive."

"I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Why does Dad have to act like such a jerk? Why can't he just be happy for us? He knew we were going to get married soon."

"Now Nessie Darlin', keep in mind that after living over a hundred years 'soon' can mean anything from one to two decades. Your poor father has had a lot to deal with in a very short time." Jasper augmented his argument with a wave of sympathy for Edward.

"Damn it Jasper, how many times do I have to tell you to not mess with my moods?"

"Sorry Jake."

"Are you really? 'Cause it seems like you do it all the time."

"I don't enjoy feeling and absorbing your negative emotions so the answer to your question is 'yes' I am in fact sorry. I was not trying to manipulate you. In fact, I wasn't 'trying' to manipulate anyone. It is such an automatic reflex that half the time I don't even realize I'm mood managing."

"I never thought of it like that. I guess I can sort of understand where you're coming from." Jake's expression softened and he smiled at Jasper. "That doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to mess with me."

Jasper smiled back. "I understand. I'll make a deal with you Jake. You try to control your emotions when you are around me, and I'll try not to."

"Hey! I have a great idea!" Emmett's huge grin and exuberance made the rest of them instantly wary. His 'great ideas' tended to cause property damage and/or bodily harm. "How 'bout we ask Morgan and Marcus to baby-sit for us and I'll go with you to Seattle."

"I don't know Emmett. That's a pretty big request and Morgan is already busy taking care of Leah as well as her own baby."

"Oh come on, Babe. I'll reserve the honeymoon suit with the huge Jacuzzi bathtub. I know you want me to go with you. I can see it in your eyes."

Rosalie's eyes sparkled as she gazed at her husband. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask." She disappeared instantly.

Alice suddenly squealed with delight. "I have to go pack!"

"Alice, wait a minute… why do you need to pack? What's going on?"

"Marcus is going to offer to keep an eye on Luca and Alejandro so I can go too!" Her eyes glazed over as she observed yet another future event. "Yay! Esme, Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I are all going to Seattle to meet your parents, and then we're all going to Alaska to prepare for Carlisle's memorial convention. Edward is going to reveal the results of his 'secret' project during the convention. The last of Carlisle's messages will be solved!"

"Oh." Nessie was disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing her parents anytime soon, but relived that she didn't have to face them for several weeks after they first learned of her accidental wedding.

Jake's expression was carefully neutral, but Nessie could feel his growing displeasure. She palmed his cheek and silently asked, _"What's wrong?"_

He kissed her palm and whispered, "Later." She didn't have to wait long. The excitement of the coming trip distracted her aunts, and uncles as well as Esme. After checking on Leah and Embry, Nessie and Jake managed to slip away unnoticed.

"What's upsetting you Jake? I know it's more than just the prospect of facing my parents. In fact you got more agitated when Alice announced they were all going to Alaska."

"I'm sort of embarrassed about it. I know it isn't their fault we aren't getting a 'real' honeymoon, but it made me angry the way they flaunted the trip to Seattle in front of you. Especially when Emmett bribed Rose with the honeymoon suite at the Marriott. You deserve so much more than this Nessie!

"The reason we waited until we were married was so our first time together could be extra special. I wanted to take you some place incredibly romantic for at least two weeks… Stay in a fancy resort with a private hot tub and scattered rose petals leading a trail to a huge soft bed with satin sheets.

"Instead, you get one night in a rustic cabin on the rez. I abandoned you on the second night to go rescue a stupid dog, and I have no idea where we should sleep tonight. The big house is full of your relatives. Your bed in the cottage is too small, and there is no way in hell I would ever sleep in your parent's bed.

"If we didn't need to stay close for Leah's sake, I could kick Billy out of his house for a couple of nights and we could sleep in my room…"

Nessie put both hands on Jake's face and smiled sadly at him, _"Jacob Black, I am shocked and disappointed. Our first time was _MAGIC! _ No resort or satin sheets could have improved upon that experience. No crude circumstance could have diminished it. I would still be walking on air even if we had spent our first night out in the forest with nothing to lie upon except the cold hard ground and nothing to shelter us except the warmth of each other's bodies and the love in our hearts._

Nessie slid her hands down Jake's face and onto his shoulders. "Where is all this regret coming from? I know you felt the magic too, Jacob…"

He crushed her mouth with his before pulling away to kiss her palms. His eyes were dark and filled with desire. "I don't regret anything about the experience, Nessie. You're right—it was magic. I just wish we had a little more time, and some place to go where no one could find us."

Jake's eyes lit up as his mouth spread into the sexy crooked grin she loved so much. He grabbed her hand and gently pulled her forward. "Come with me Mrs. Black, I know where we can find a little solitude." They both laughed like excited children as they ran through the forest.

They caught Luca and Alejandro's scents when they neared their tent. "What the hell?" Jake growled and nearly broke the zipper as he yanked it open.

"It's okay, Jacob! We aren't doing anything wrong. We just wanted to talk without someone spying on us." Bare-chested Alejandro was trying to surreptitiously slip a shirt into the Luca-shaped sleeping bag as he blatantly lied to Jake.

Nessie bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from grinning. Until the sound of Luca's muffled sobs chased all humor from the situation. "Jake Sweetheart, why don't you have a chat with Alejandro and I'll talk to Luca."

"Why do I need to talk to the boy? He's Jasper and Alice's problem."

She reached for his face, _"Jasper and Alice are helping us with our 'Edward' problem. We should help them with their teenager problems."_

"Yeah, you're right… but what should I say?"

"Maybe all you need to do is listen to him." Nessie smiled kindly at Alejandro. "Go with Jake, I need to talk to Luca alone."

Jake sighed and Nessie could sense his frustration as he kissed her and mumbled against her lips, "Someday Nessie, someday soon I am taking you far, far away."

~***~

**A/N I am now in Oklahoma visiting my parents. They live waaaaaaay out in the country and even though they have internet access, it is slooooow! I hope I can get this uploaded. If not, I'll try to get a ride into town and go hunt down a wi-fi connection.**

**I'll be home again the first week of November and hopefully back to a regular schedule of writing, replying to reviews and messages, and catching up with my favorite fics.**

**I don't want to be obnoxious about begging for votes, so I put the link to the Sparkle Awards on my profile as well as my recommendations for some excellent stories that deserve to win…**

**Liljenrocks' story "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" (Best Angst)**

**SunnyZim's story "Golden Hearted Rose" (Best Fluff)**

**IndependenceIndividuality's story "Hands on Me" (Best Jake/Anyone)**

**Okay, I guess I'm going to be obnoxious after all…**

"**Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever" (Best original plot)**

"**Charlotte Webber" (best author)**

**Thanks again for all the awesome reviews! (and votes) I love each and every one of y'all!**


	57. Picturing Parenthood

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter: 57 Picturing Parenthood

"Luca, why are you crying?" Nessie asked kindly. She didn't usually have much patience for Luca, but her muffled sobs would have softened even the hardest of hearts. The girl was obviously in pain. "Did Alejandro hurt you?"

"NO!" Luca's sobs increased in volume as she jerked the sleeping bag off her head and glared at Nessie. "Why does everyone always assume that Alejandro is at fault? I am the one that is constantly trying to find ways to escape Jasper's control. I am the one that lies to him. I am the one that manipulates, and seduces Alejandro but _he_ is the only one that ever gets punished!"

Nessie frowned as she remembered the emotional pain Jasper inflicted on Luca to help her develop a "proper social conscience". At the time, it seemed like a good idea. "What type of 'punishment' does Jasper use on Alejandro?"

"I don't know. He won't tell me, but it must be horrible!" Luca wiped the tears from her eyes and sat up. Nessie noticed her shirt was wrong side out and knew that little detail would do more than just annoy Jasper.

"Alejandro is a brave man. Aro used to beat him unmercifully and he never shed a single tear. Jasper makes him cry. All he has to do is touch him and Alejandro doubles over in pain. It breaks my heart!"

Nessie found it hard to believe her kind, patient uncle could be so cruel but she could not deny Luca's obvious distress. "Jasper still doesn't approve of your relationship with Alejandro?"

Luca snorted in derision. "Doesn't approve? Ha! He forbids it! He rarely lets me out of his sight. He spies on us constantly and we never get any time alone." Luca began to cry in earnest. "I've ruined everything! Jasper and Alice were going to let us stay with Morgan and Marcus. Now I'm sure he'll make one of us go with them to Seattle while the other has to stay here. I hate him! I hate Jasper and I wish Alejandro and I could just run away!"

"I'm not advocating that you run away, but I am curious… what's stopping you?"

Luca sighed loudly. "Alejandro. He refuses to leave. He is afraid that he isn't strong enough to protect me from other vampires that might find me…um… interesting. He doesn't like the way Jasper tries to keep us apart, but he is grateful for the protection his coven offers."

"Have you tried to explain your feelings to Jasper? He's usually very understanding and sympathetic. You know he can feel what you feel…"

"He won't listen to me! I've tried so many times! All he says is that I'm too young to be in love, that I don't even know what love is."

"How old are you Luca? Do you know?"

"No, not exactly, but I overheard Alice arguing with Jasper. She said that I was 'old enough' to know my own heart."

"Alice and Jasper were arguing?" Nessie was genuinely shocked. Those two never argued. Maybe parenthood wasn't the domestic bliss she imagined. "Well, everyone always says to never bet against Alice. If you are patient, I'm sure she can convince Jasper to lighten up."

Luca groaned and dramatically flopped back onto the ground, pulling the sleeping bag over her head. "I don't want to be patient! I just want to be with Alejandro!"

Nessie smiled and empathized. _I just want to be with Jacob._ "Would you like for me to talk to Jasper for you?"

"NO!" Luca sat up again, her eyes wide with fright. "Please don't tell him you found us out here! Is Jacob going to tell on us? Please Nessie; don't let him tell Jasper… I can't bear the thought of Alejandro being punished again."

"I don't think you have to worry about Jacob. He doesn't like to interfere in other people's business." _He has enough of that just dealing with our slightly dysfunctional pack of wolves._

"Could you talk to him? Just to be sure he won't tell Jasper?"

"Sure, sure, I'll talk to him." Nessie pulled a brush out of her backpack and handed it to Luca. "You need to put your shirt on right-side-out, and brush your hair before you go home. In fact, you better take a shower and change clothes before Jasper smells Alejandro all over you."

Nessie bit her lip and debated the wisdom of what she was about to do. "If you climb the spruce tree next to the house on the north side, I believe you will find the window into the guest room on the third floor is unlocked. It's an easy way to get in and out without being noticed."

Luca's eyes lit up. She threw her arms around Nessie's shoulders and hugged her fiercely. "Thank you Nessie!"

~***~

"How was your talk with Alejandro?" Nessie stroked Jake's face lightly as she lay in his arms.

"Okay, I guess." Jake murmured as he kissed her forehead.

"Well, what did he say?"

"He said a lot of things, but what impressed me was his selfless devotion to Luca. It's almost as if she's his imprint. He won't do anything that might hurt her, but thinks nothing of risking Jasper's wrath as long as it is directed solely at him."

Jake trailed kisses down her throat making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. "What about Luca? What did she say?"

"Hmm… she said a lot of things too, but even though she is very much in love with Alejandro, she is still quite selfish. The thought of Jasper punishing Alejandro devastates her, but she is willing to risk it just to spend a few stolen moments with him."

Nessie frowned and furrowed her brows. "Sounds familiar, huh... A self-sacrificing man willing to suffer anything to satisfy the desires of his self-centered girlfriend?"

"Nessie Sweetheart, Luca is still very young. I'm sure she will match Alejandro's level of commitment when she is fully mature."

"I love you Jacob." Nessie picked up his left hand and kissed the tip of his missing finger.

"I love you too, Nessie." Jake's lips on hers chased all thoughts of Luca and Alejandro from her mind.

Who needed honeymoon suites, rose petals, and hot tubs when they had _this? _

~***~

"Come on Alice, just give me a hint." Emmett was pestering her again.

"I've already told you, I am not going to ruin Edward's surprise. You'll just have to wait like everyone else until he's ready to reveal it."

"Please Alice, the suspense is killing me. Pretty please?"

Alice just growled at him, baring her teeth, and stomped off to the helicopter with yet another suitcase.

"Now I expect ya'll to behave while we're gone. You know the rules, be sure you obey them." Jasper frowned and folded his arms across his chest as he stared at Luca and Alejandro. "I'm picking up a lot of excitement from you two and quite frankly it concerns me.

"Jasper! You've already lectured them, either you trust them or you don't. Now let's go." Alice gave Luca and Alejandro each a big hug and a peck on the cheek. Nessie was surprised when Jasper also hugged both kids and playfully punched Alejandro's shoulder. After Luca's outburst in the tent, she was under the false impression that Jasper hated the boy.

"Tell Mom and Dad I love them and I miss them." Nessie couldn't quite bring herself to say she was "sorry" about getting married without them. She was too happy to have any regrets. "Thank you so much Uncle Jasper, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help with Daddy."

Jasper pulled her into a bear hug and patted her back. "I don't mind one little bit, Darlin' I'm glad to help." He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, "Keep an eye on my kids for me, will ya? They can be pretty sneaky and I don't know if Morgan and Marcus will be able to watch them close enough."

Nessie fought back a wave of guilt. Jasper pulled away and frowned as he looked in her eyes questioningly. Thankfully, he didn't ask her about it. He glanced at her over his shoulder as he trotted out to the chopper. Nessie felt another surge of guilt for helping Luca deceive Jasper as she waved goodbye.

Jake squeezed her hand and said, "We need to have another little talk with Luca and Alejandro. I think they might have manipulated us last night."

"I think you're right. I also think we should tell Morgan and Marcus what happened. They need to know what they're up against."

Luca threw a fit worthy of a talk show episode. She screamed at Nessie and called her all sorts of foul and vulgar names. The only one that actually hurt her feelings was "hypocrite". Alejandro didn't say anything, but the look on his face clearly showed he felt betrayed.

Jake and Nessie tried to explain why they "ratted them out" but Luca refused to listen. Morgan finally asked them to take the younger kids on a walk while she and Marcus tried to calm the two teenagers down a bit.

Jake wore little Carl on his back in a baby carrier and still managed to help Nessie keep George and Sophie out of trouble. Nessie thought it was exhausting, but Jake never stopped smiling. She adored the way he doted on Carl and played with the kids. "You are going to be the most awesome father, Jake."

The look on his face was priceless. "And you are going to be a wonderful mother, Ness. I can't wait to see you with my baby at your breast and our children running around the yard. I know it's crazy to even talk about having kids while we live in a tent, but I seriously can't wait."

Her heart was so full of joy Nessie laughed out loud. "You do realize that children turn into teenagers."

Jake scrunched his face into a comical frown. "I sort of forgot about that part. Hmmm… maybe I _can_ wait." That seemed to be Carl's cue to get fussy. He squirmed around and pulled Jake's hair trying to get out of the baby-backpack. Jake and Nessie both gagged as they got a whiff of a very dirty diaper.

"Ugh! I forgot about this part too! So… what do we do now?" Jake looked very worried as he pulled the toddler out of the pack and held him at arms length.

"I know exactly what we do. We take him back to his parents!"

~***~

**A/N I can't believe it's 3:00 in the freakin' morning and this chapter is still less than 2,000 words. My goal was to be asleep by 11:00 pm. Oops.**

**I am off to visit my brother tomorrow (the one that makes beautiful handmade bows). Maybe slinging a few arrows will clear my head and let the words flow easily again. This chapter was like pulling teeth.**


	58. And So It Goes

**A/N **

**I would like to apologize for posting the previous chapters (56 and 57) before they were ready. My normal process when writing is to let my mind wander wherever it wants and to type without thinking or interfering. I hear the characters' voices in my head and simply record what they say and do. I prefer to write two or three chapters at a time this way, then go back and rework them so they fit with each other and what has already been posted.**

**I also cut the "filler" crap that isn't at least humorous or entertaining in some way and tone down the melodramatic behavior of the characters. **

**Jasper's cruel treatment of Alejandro was completely out of character. My attempt to fix it in the next chapter turned Luca into a lying and manipulative little bitch. This was not my intention. (I actually love Luca and Alejandro and plan to use them in my own original fiction.) **

**Perhaps the biggest problem with recent chapters has been my inability to discuss them in depth with my wonderful hubby, Peter. He has a talent for catching possible plot holes and characterization problems. (It's been 24 days since I left home.) **

**Rest assured that chapters 56 and 57 will be heavily edited or cut completely during the rewrite. I am tempted to rewrite them now, but believe my limited time and energy would be better spent moving the story forward.**

**I wanted to thank all of you for continuing to read and review "Life Sucks" even though its quality has dramatically declined. The predominantly positive reviews have given me the courage to continue the story while the brutally honest ones gave me a much needed kick in the ass. No one wants to hear they've "failed miserably" **_**even when it's true. **_**But in this case, I guess I needed it.**

**I hope this latest chapter meets your expectations.**

**Sincerely,**

**Charlotte**

**I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Chapter 58: And So It Goes

The days passed quickly as Nessie adjusted to her new life as Jacob's wife. Leah passed the two-week gestational landmark four weeks ago and was now uncomfortably huge. If the baby didn't come soon, Morgan was going to induce her.

Jake landed a job with the Makah Tribal Ambulance Company, which meant they had much less time together. Nessie's part-time job at the Carlisle Cullen Memorial Urgent Care Center helped occupy her time, but not her mind. She still missed Jacob every second they were apart.

She often wished they were still in the beautiful jungles of South America. Nessie daydreamed as she worked and thought about ways to make their tiny one-room apartment more attractive. She smiled as she remembered Jake's reaction when he saw the first traditional cedar-bark basket she wove…

He was tired and out of sorts as he walked up the path to their apartment building, but Nessie sensed his mood lift as he got closer to home and smiled. She opened the door and ran to greet him, not caring who witnessed their public display of affection. Jake's enthusiastic embrace lifted her off the ground and Nessie's heart began to pound as he pulled her into their apartment and kicked the door shut.

When Jake broke the kiss to pull off his shirt he noticed the small basket sitting in the middle of their second-hand kitchen table. "This is beautiful, Nessie. Where did you get it?"

That was code for "how much did it cost". She knew Jake was concerned that she might have spent too much of their hard earned cash on something so frivolous. She also knew he would never criticize her for doing so.

"I made it." Nessie bit her lip and blushed as his eyes widened in surprise. She held her breath when he picked it up to examine it more closely.

"How? I mean… how did you know… this is amazing!"

"I went to a traditional basket weaving demonstration for tourists the other day after work and Ellen—the woman doing the demo—stayed after and talked to me. We've been meeting after work everyday for a week and I've learned so much from her! Did you know there is a special way to harvest the bark so it doesn't damage the tree?"

The corners of Jake's eyes crinkled as he laughed. "Yeah, I did know that. I used to watch my mom." He gently ran the tips of his fingers over the basket examining the weave. "I'll bet you could boil water in this."

It's not as good as Ellen's, but she said I have a 'knack' for basket weaving."

"That's a huge understatement. This basket is just as good as, if not better than, the ones my mom used to make."

Nessie smiled at the memory of Jake's compliment. Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she continued to daydream. She had to constantly remind herself to slow down. Her supervisor, Ruth, was so impressed by her speed and accuracy Nessie knew she would never let her do anything other than type.

Even if she typed at super-human top speed, it would take years to transfer all the patient information into the new digital database. Job security would not be a problem. Dying of boredom might.

She wished she could work in the actual clinic instead of the administration building. At least the records office was separate so Nessie didn't have to worry about dealing with the sight and, even worse, scent of blood.

They needed the money she earned to make ends meet, and the clinic was financially stable due to the Cullen's continued support—but Nessie still felt guilty. Her trust fund was enough to run a small country. She hated to use even a small amount of the clinic's resources when it wasn't necessary. Nessie was able to strike a deal with the financial advisor for the clinic and her conscious. She received a fair wage for her labor and donated the exact amount from her trust fund back to the clinic.

Jake didn't like the arrangement, but grudgingly agreed to it. Nessie's logic was flawless…

"Do you object to me working at the clinic?"

"You can work where ever you want."

"Do you object to me donating money to the clinic?"

"No, of course not."

"Okay then, what's the problem?"

Jake sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know Ness, I just feel like we're using the clinic to launder the money we are siphoning off your trust fund."

"Jake, the clinic would pay me whether I donated to them or not. This just makes me feel better about it. Besides, it doesn't put a dent in _our_ trust fund. We could run the entire reservation with the interest alone and still have money left over. Neither one of us really need jobs…"

"I married _you, _not your family's money. I thought we agreed to make it on our own."

"First of all, it's not my family's money. It's my money, and like it or not when you married me it became _our_ money."

It was the closest they had come to having an actual argument since restoring their imprint. Neither one of them lost their temper or even raised their voices. The issue wasn't completely resolved, but they were content to leave it at a peaceful stalemate.

They would live within their means and only use the trust fund to pay the exorbitant taxes generated by the interest it earned. Nessie would continue to work at the clinic and donate her salary.

Too bad the job was so boring…

Seth blasted into the office unannounced and proclaimed, "Nessie, it's time. The ba… um… Leah needs you." Seth lowered his voice when he saw the way Ruth Dukit glared at him, but he didn't back down. Seth was by nature a gentle, kind, and unassuming soul; however, his size and muscular stature were intimidating to anyone who did not know him.

"Sorry Mrs. Dukit, it's sort of a family emergency. Can Nessie get off early?" Ruth lowered her eyes and nervously fidgeted with some papers on her desk. "Fine. Just don't make a habit of it."

"I can't believe I almost announced that Leah was in labor to your boss." They were trying to keep Leah's pregnancy a secret since it had progressed so rapidly. The midwife that had examined Leah when they first arrived moved to North Dakota shortly thereafter so she wasn't a problem. Secrets were nothing new to the pack, but La Push was a small community—which meant news and gossip traveled quickly.

"Don't worry about it, Seth. Her husband is on the council and even though he's sworn to secrecy, I have a feeling he tells her everything." Ruth never touched her, but watched her like a hawk. She was constantly trying to get Nessie to eat something and brought a different plate of homemade treats to the office everyday. One of these days she was going to have to choke down a cookie or a piece of fudge just to be polite.

"How can you stand working with her?" Seth growled under his breath as they left.

"She's not so bad. Besides, if I can win her over, maybe she will convince her husband to lighten up. Esau is the real problem, not his wife."

"I don't know Ness, this could backfire. I don't trust either one of them." Seth opened the passenger door of his mother's old sedan and Nessie slid in.

"Well you know what they say… keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Nessie hated the way the tribe was dividing into separate camps of Jacob Black supporters and critics. The younger wolves seemed to enjoy it.

Collin and Brady purchased a cheap screen-printing kit from a pawnshop and made pro-Jacob t-shirts and sold them for three dollars each. Jacob made them stop, but every day Nessie noticed at least half a dozen people wearing a thin white tee with the profile of a howling wolf and "Team Jacob" emblazoned on the front—and a braying donkey with "Esau is a dumb-ass" printed across the back.

Nessie was grateful Seth had not worn his when he came to pick her up at the records office. She didn't think her boss would appreciate the sentiment.

"So how's Leah? Is it the real thing this time?"

"Yeah, Morgan just checked her before Leah called. She's at three centimeters and contractions are four to five minutes apart. We have plenty of time before the baby gets here, but Leah was asking for you."

Nessie still marveled at the miracle of her growing friendship with Leah. She was a little worried about attending the birth. Even though Leah lost most of her wolfish characteristics, at least she still smelled like a wolf. Her blood did not tempt her the way a human's or Jake's would. It was strange that all human blood was appetizing, but Jake's was the only wolf blood that made her mouth water.

"Is Jake coming? His shift isn't over for another three hours."

"He's going to try to finish his shift. I have strict orders to call him if things start to progress." Seth patted her knee and smiled calmly. "He'll come as soon as he can."

"You don't seem very worried." Nessie's nerves were on edge.

"I'm not. The baby is fully developed now. Leah might have lost her ability to phase during pregnancy, but she is still stronger than most human men, and Morgan is an excellent Doc. Why should I be nervous? Besides, Embry is nervous enough for all of us."

"How is he holding up?"

Seth laughed. "Leah yelled at him and threatened to kick him out while I was on the phone with her. Who knows what he did to piss her off. It doesn't take much under normal circumstances and even the nicest of women get bitchy during labor." Seth grinned and winked at her. "I'm glad I have babysitting duty with Marcus. A couple of mischievous kids and a toddler should be easier to deal with than Leah in labor."

~***~

It turned out that "Leah in labor" was not a problem at all. Embry, the hyperactive labor coach, was the problem. "Here ya go Sweetie; I got some ice chips for you. Do you want me rub your back?" Embry kept up a running monologue as he twisted his head from side to side… looking at Leah, then at the monitor screens. "Oh no! Here comes another contraction! Wow, this one looks like it's going to be huge. Are you sure you don't want something to take the edge off the pain?"

Leah took a deep cleansing breath, closed her eyes and visibly relaxed all the muscles in her face and body. Nessie could see her belly harden under the thin hospital gown and was amazed with Leah's focus and control.

Leah took another cleansing breath as the contraction ended and sighed. "Embry, I love you and I want you to witness the birth of our daughter… but I swear if you don't calm down, I'm going to ask you to leave."

"I'm sorry baby. I just want to help. It's really hard to for me to see you in pain and not try to make it better."

"As long as I stay relaxed, it's not all that bad. I can handle it Embry, but I won't be able to for much longer if you don't get a grip."

Morgan rolled another hospital bed across the room, lowered the rails, and fastened it to Leah's bed with clamps. "Embry, why don't you lie down here next to Leah and practice the relaxation techniques we worked on to prepare for labor and delivery? They work just as well for fathers as they do for mothers."

"But I'm not the one in pain… I want to help Leah…"

"You will help her most by remaining calm and _quietly _supportive. Take a deep breath, and let the tension flow out of your body as you exhale…"

Although Morgan was simply trying to help Embry relax, her hypnotic voice sent Nessie into a deep state of trance. She forced her eyes open when Morgan tapped her gently on the shoulder and motioned for her to follow.

"I know that Leah requested your presence during labor and delivery, but I think Embry will be a better coach if he doesn't think one of us is ready to step in and take over the minute he makes a mistake. He is normally very much in tune with what Leah needs and wants. The poor fellow just needs to relax in order to tap into that connection. I'm sure Leah will gladly rely on Embry if no one else is available."

~***~

Leah's labor seemed to take forever. Nessie wandered downstairs to help Seth and Marcus with the kids. It was dark outside when Jake walked in with two grocery sacks full of submarine sandwiches from Silpak's Deli. "Hey Seth." Jake nodded in greeting as he set the bags on the table and pulled Nessie into a warm and affectionate embrace.

"I have two more bags of food in the car. Alejandro, do you mind bringing 'em in?"

"No problem Jacob, and thank you for bringing food." Alejandro was the only one in the group that actually thanked Jake. It was impossible not to like the boy. Nessie wondered if he was getting enough to eat without Esme here to cook for him. He and Morgan were the only ones living in the big house that didn't drink at least a little blood.

Alejandro's shout of glee from the driveway made everyone smile. "YAY! HAPPY MEALS!" Luca handed Carl to Nessie without a word and ran out the door to help bring in the fast-food feast. George and Sophie were right behind her.

Nessie had a hard time understanding the two teen's addiction to Happy Meals. They refused to order off the "adult" menu. Nessie suspected it was because Luca liked the silly little toys.

A low moan drifted down from the infirmary upstairs. Nessie bit her lip nervously, but Jake just smiled and asked, "How's Leah?"

Seth had Carl pinned to the floor with his legs as he changed his diaper like a pro. "Morgan said she's progressing normally for a first baby, but she's only dilated two more centimeters in the last four hours." Nessie couldn't help being a little concerned.

"That sounds about right. First ones usually take longer." Jake bit into his sandwich and half of it disappeared. "So Seth, where's your mom? I thought she'd be here by now."

"Charlie's got the flu and no one wants to risk infecting Leah or the baby. Embry's going to video the birth so she can watch it later." Seth and Jake both shuddered and grimaced.

"Jake! Why should that bother you? You actually delivered a baby in the backseat of a car just last week." Nessie was surprised by his negative reaction.

"It's not the birth that bothers me. It's the thought of Embry with a video camera that makes me cringe. We'll all get seasick watching that vid."

"Yeah, well… you couldn't pay me to watch a video of my sister giving birth… Not even if it was produced by George Lucas." Seth looked green around the mouth and set his half-eaten sandwich on the counter.

Nessie sighed. "I was hoping to witness the birth, but Morgan kicked everyone out… except for Embry."

"Come on." Jake wiped his mouth with a handful of paper napkins, grabbed Nessie's hand and led her upstairs.

He knocked quietly on the door and waited until they heard a soft "come in" before he cracked it open and stuck his head in the room.

"Hey guys, how's it going?"

"Come on in Jake." Leah sounded extremely tired, but happy to see him.

"I have Nessie with me, is it okay if she comes in too?"

"Of course. She's supposed to be here." An edge of annoyance crept into Leah's voice. "Where have you been, Ness?"

Leah was out of bed and sitting on a large exercise ball with Embry kneeling behind her and rubbing her shoulders.

"Um… Morgan made me leave?" Her answer sounded more like a question than a statement. Nessie felt awful for deserting her friend without putting up more of a fight.

Leah took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Embry lowered his hands and pressed his thumbs into Leah's lower back on either side of her spine. "Relax your face, Babe." Embry whispered and Leah's features immediately softened. Embry couldn't even see her face, yet he knew the second she locked her jaw. The way they worked together was amazing to watch.

As soon as the contraction ended, Embry reminded Leah to take a cleansing breath and gently wiped her face with a damp cloth.

Jake pulled a cushion off the couch and handed it to Embry. "I know you're indestructible, but there's no reason to punish your knees. Use this."

Embry knelt on the cushion and smiled. "Thanks Jake. That's much better." Nessie wondered how many hours he had spent kneeling on the hard floor.

The four friends talked quietly between contractions. Nessie and Jake took turns getting ice chips and apple juice for Leah. They tried to get Embry to go eat a sandwich downstairs but he refused to leave Leah's side. She couldn't tolerate the smell of food, so Embry went without.

As the hours passed, Leah became withdrawn and no longer participated in their conversation. The contractions were longer and occurring more frequently. It was obvious that she couldn't get comfortable. Morgan removed the monitors and Embry helped her take a hot shower. Walking from the bathroom back to the bed proved to be more than she could handle.

Leah wrapped her arms around Embry's neck and leaned into him as a contraction overwhelmed her. This time she did not take deep cleansing breaths. She did not relax her face or body on Embry's command. She whimpered and cried.

"I can't do this anymore. I want to go home. Take me home Embry." Embry swept her into his arms and carried her to the bed.

"You're doing great Sweetheart. I'm so proud of you."

"NO I'M NOT! I WANT DRUGS! I WANT AN EPIDURAL! MAKE IT STOP!" Leah was completely out of control as she fought against the pain.

Nessie didn't realize she was crying too until Jake pulled her out of the room.

"She's okay Nessie. Leah's just going through transition. It won't be too much longer now." Jake stroked her face, wiping away her tears. "Are you sure you want to witness the birth?"

"I… I don't know. Why doesn't Morgan give her an epidural or something?"

"Before labor started, Leah made it clear that she wanted a natural birth."

"What is she trying to prove?" Nessie didn't understand why anyone would willing go through that much pain if there was a way to avoid it.

"An epidural can prolong labor and sometimes it doesn't even work, only relieving pain on one side or not at all. It can cause fetal distress with an abnormal heartbeat. It can make the baby drowsy—interfering with mother-baby bonding.

"Epidurals can suppress the baby's sucking reflex making it difficult for a new mother to nurse. There are lots of reasons to avoid it, but I'm sure Morgan will give her one if she really wants it."

"That sounds horrible Jake, why do they even use epidurals if they have such horrible side-effects?"

"Sometimes the benefits outweigh the risks. Pain and anxiety can cause excessive production of the mother's stress hormones such as epinephrine and norepinephrine, which slow contractions. By allowing the mother to rest without pain, the epidural removes her anxiety and her labor progresses.

"Epidurals are very helpful if a mother's labor is augmented with pitocin. Now that's a drug to avoid if at all possible. It makes the contractions more intense with little to no preparation. I don't think they should even administer pitocin without an epidural."

"Where did you learn so much about labor drugs? It's not as if EMTs can use them in transit or onsite. They are only administered in the hospital."

Jake actually blushed. "My partner's wife just had their first kid, and we talked about their birth experience. She was three weeks overdue and they had to induce her. They wanted a natural birth, but once they put her on pitocin, that dream was gone."

Jake furrowed his brow and frowned. "She still labored without pain meds for six more hours. Roy said it was the hardest thing he's ever done… watching his wife suffer and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Roy has delivered several babies in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but he was completely unprepared for the way his wife's labor spiraled out of control when they put her on pitocin."

A loud, throaty animal growl interrupted Jake's description of the evils of pitocin. He grinned and lifted his eyebrows. "It sounds like Leah's in second stage labor. Do you want to see a miracle?"

No one even glanced at them when Jake and Nessie came back into the room. Embry was sitting in Leah's bed with his back propped against the wall and his long legs hanging off the sides. Leah was sitting in front of him with her back pressed into his abs.

He held each of her thighs behind the knees and supported them as Leah curled over her belly and pushed. As soon as the contraction ended, she collapsed against his chest and groaned.

"That was quite a push! Your daughter will be here very soon at this rate." Morgan was obviously pleased.

"Jake, would you mind taping this for us?" Embry nodded toward the video camera in the corner of the room. "I'm a little too busy at the moment."

Nessie was more than a little shocked by Embry's request. "Leah, is that okay? I mean… do you want Jake to tape the birth?"

"Don't care." Leah snarled as another contraction triggered the urge to push.

"If you want to videotape the birth, I suggest you get started. The baby's head has crowned." Morgan snapped on a pair of surgical gloves and told Leah to stop pushing.

Leah opened her eyes and began to pant as she fought the urge. Embry panted with her, then brushed her hair off her brow when the contraction ended and whispered, "Good job, Baby. Good job."

Nessie felt a little self-conscious as she peeked between Leah's legs. She could see the baby's head. Her timidity was replaced by awe. After three more pushes the baby's head completely emerged with the umbilical cord wrapped three times around its neck.

"Leah, don't push." Morgan commanded urgently, and then calmly explained why. "I'm going to unwind the cord, then you can say hello to your beautiful baby girl."

Nessie's heart wasn't the only one that stopped while Morgan slipped the cord over the baby's head. "Okay, you can push gently with the next contraction and we'll see if we can't deliver her shoulders."

Leah barely got the chance to push with the next contraction. Her little girl entered the world with a gush of fluid and the quiet sobs of her parents. "She's so beautiful. Oh God, Leah she's perfect." Embry was shaking with emotion as he watched Morgan lay his tiny daughter on Leah's belly.

Leah's hands were shaking too as she reverently placed them on her baby for the first time. Embry was right. She _was _perfect… except for one little detail… she wasn't breathing.

~***~


	59. An Old Soul

**A/N Thank you so much for the outpouring of encouragement! This chapter is dedicated to everyone that reviewed and PM'd me after my little pityparty last chapter. **

**I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~***~**

Previously_: Leah's hands were shaking too as she reverently placed them on her baby for the first time. Embry was right. She was perfect… except for one little detail… she wasn't breathing._

Chapter 59: An Old Soul

"Jake, get the neonatal resuscitation equipment out of the closet." Morgan suctioned the baby's nose and mouth with a nasal syringe as she gave orders. "Embry, hang on to your daughter while I cut the cord." As soon as the baby's cord was cut, Morgan rushed her over to the heated isolette and rubbed her tiny, limp body with a towel. The baby didn't respond.

"Do you want the bag and mask or are you going to intubate her?" Jake's voice was flat and emotionless, but his hands flew as he pulled medical equipment out of the closet.

"What's wrong with my baby?" Leah was trying to get out of bed so she could see what was going on.

"No Leah, let Morgan and Jake do their job." Embry's breath hitched as he wrapped his arms around Leah and held her securely against his chest. "You can't get up. You're bleeding…. Um… is she supposed to be bleeding so much?"

Jake's head jerked up and his eyes widened when he saw the amount of blood spilling onto the floor. "Morgan! Leah is hemorrhaging."

Morgan glanced at Leah and swore quietly as a look of fear flashed across her face. She was still in complete control, but her voice was pinched and sharp as she barked out orders in rapid succession. "Jake, show Nessie how to do uterine massage and inject 10 units of Oxytocin intramuscularly. Follow with 0.2 mg of Methylergonovine…"

Morgan's voice faded into the background as a dark red and quivering mass slid out of Leah's body with a fresh gush of blood. _Oh… that must be the placenta. _

Jake lost the last of his calm façade. "Nessie! I need your help NOW!" The panic in his voice pulled her back into the moment and she darted to his side.

"Press on her abdomen, right here." Leah groaned in pain when Jake placed Nessie's hands on the slack skin of her belly and showed her how to massage the uterus. "Sorry Leah, I know it's uncomfortable, but we have to get the bleeding stopped. You're doing great Nessie. Keep it up."

Nessie focused on her job and tried to ignore the heart-braking expression on Leah's face. "I want to see my baby… please Jake…" Her voice was plaintive and weak. Jake's grim expression did little to encourage anyone. He was too focused on saving Leah's life to spare any words of comfort.

"Let Jake help you. You can see your baby soon, I promise." It wasn't a lie. Nessie knew that even if the baby didn't survive, Leah and Embry would be given time to hold her and say goodbye. She couldn't stand to think about it.

The scent of fresh _human _blood caused venom to pool in Nessie's mouth, but she hardly noticed it. Jake glanced at Nessie and whispered "sorry" as he squeezed a bag of blood, forcing it into Leah's veins as fast as she could take it.

Embry's quiet sobs directed her attention to the isolette and the fight for his baby's life. The poor child had wires and tubes all over its tiny body and Morgan was muttering med-speak as she worked. It broke her heart when she saw Embry gently stroke the coal black and downy hair on his daughter's head.

Morgan tilted the baby's head and placed Embry's huge hands on either side of her face. "Hold her steady, just like this. Close your eye if you need to, but maintain this angle and don't move."

Nessie didn't want to watch the intubation, but couldn't bring herself to look away. She thought she imagined it when she saw the baby's chest expand and her belly contract. Maybe it was only from Morgan's ministrations, but she hadn't even tried to slip the ventilation tube in yet.

Hope was a dangerous thing. Nessie refused to believe her eyes until her ears added their own witness. It was soft and weak, sounding more like the mewling of a kitten than the cry of an infant, but it was the sound of _life._

~***~

The baby's cries were drowned out by the shouts of joy and sighs of relief from downstairs. In all the excitement, Nessie had forgotten about the others that were no doubt listening to the unfolding drama above them.

"Uncle Marcus, was that the baby?" Sophie's voice had never sounded sweeter.

"Yes child. That was definitely the cry of a newborn."

"Can I go see her? I want to hold her!"

"Not yet Sophie. The baby is sick. Aunt Morgan and Uncle Jake are busy taking care of her."

"Embry promised! He said I could hold her after Leah pushed her out of her belly!" _That sounds more like the Sophie we all know and love. _

"Alejandro and I can take the twins for a walk if it would help." Luca offered pleasantly and Nessie couldn't help but mistrust her motives.

"That would be quite helpful. They need to hunt, but you can't let them out of your sight for even one second. Not even to steal a quick kiss. Can you do that?" Marcus wasn't a fool.

Nessie heard Luca sigh but Alejandro answered cheerfully, "Of course Marcus. We would never neglect the children just to satisfy our own carnal desires." Nessie smiled at the blunt and charming way Alejandro replied.

"How's Leah?" Seth called from the foot of the stairs.

"Critical but stable." Jake answered then looked to Morgan for confirmation. She just nodded her head. "One of us will be down in a bit to give you an update."

"Don't worry about it. Just take care of my sister and my niece. Okay?"

"Of course, Seth."

Nessie heard a voice she hadn't noticed before whispering a soft but sincere prayer of supplication and thanks. _Sue Swan?… Of course_. Even with the risk of spreading the flu there was no way Leah's mother would be able to stay away while her daughter and granddaughter struggled for their lives.

Nessie recognized her grandfather's number from the numeric tones on Sue's phone. "Hey Charlie, things are looking better. They're both still critical, but stable and improving quickly. How are you feeling?"

It was true. Leah was struggling to sit up and demanding to see her baby. The baby was breathing on her own, and crying intermittently. Morgan insisted she remain in the isolette connected to a heart and oxygen monitor. "Jacob, wheel the bed over here so Leah can see her lovely daughter."

Embry helped Leah lean across the bed-rails so she could see and touch their baby. There wasn't a dry eye in the room when she whispered, "I love you," and softly kissed her forehead.

"Have you picked out a name?" Morgan asked as she gently but firmly pushed Leah back into bed.

Leah and Embry grinned at each other and Embry laughed as he answered. "We've picked out several. We just can't agree on one."

"Yeah, Embry likes Mary, Sue, and Elizabeth. I like Teagan, Alyssa, and River."

"I have to admit I love the name 'Teagan'." Morgan smiled, then sighed sadly. "My youngest sister's name is Teagan." Nessie wondered again how Morgan wound up in Aro's dungeon. She never talked about it and this was the first time she ever mentioned her family.

"Alyssa is a lovely name." Marcus called from downstairs. It seemed everyone had an opinion as they all called out their favorites.

The baby yawned then opened her eyes for the first time. Nessie was captivated by the depth of understanding pooled in the child's dark brown eyes. She was only minutes old and yet she seemed to possess eons of ancient wisdom and knowledge. _This tiny body contains a very old soul._

Embry's good eye widened when his daughter turned her gaze upon him. "Theresa?" He whispered reverently and she smiled at him. "Is that you?"

~***~

Leah and Theresa gained strength at an abnormal pace, but they weren't exactly "normal" patients to begin with. Leah's appetite returned and Nessie could almost see the wolf reappear even though she didn't phase right away. Theresa's appetite was voracious. She didn't grow and develop as quickly as little Carl had, but she was definitely developing faster than a normal human child.

Sophie whined and complained for two days before she was allowed to hold Theresa. She was completely satisfied once she got to sit in Leah's lap and hold the baby for a few minutes. It wasn't long before the novelty wore off and she became bored. Everyone was surprised when Sophie began to miss her parents. Even Embry had a difficult time getting her to settle down enough to fall asleep at night.

The biggest surprise was Georgie's unusual interest in the baby. His favorite activity was watching Theresa nurse as she gripped his finger with her tiny fist. Embry and Leah worried that some sort of "reverse imprinting" might be behind the boy's fascination with their daughter.

"Their bond is stronger than normal, but it isn't an imprinted bond," Marcus assured them. "Not yet."

"What do you mean 'not yet'?" Leah narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Haven't you noticed their eyes?" Marcus replied calmly.

Embry gripped Georgie's chin and tilted his face up for a closer look. He then lowered his face to examine Theresa as she stared back at him. "Crap."

~***~

**A/N There you have it. Baby's okay, Leah's okay, and I'm heading back home after nearly a month away. **

**Pete and I are leaving early tomorrow morning, driving from Tulsa to Boulder so I won't be able to write or get online until Monday. I already miss my family, but it will be nice to be home again. (Even if there is two feet of snow on the ground.)**

**This story was recently added to a new community here on fanfiction: "****Innovative and Provocative". I encourage y'all to check 'em out.**

**Voting is still open at the Sparkle Awards… just in case you forgot. Both links are on my profile.**


	60. KoolAid and LemonAid

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Don't let the title fool you. There aren't any lemons in this chapter.**

**~***~**

Chapter 60: Grape Kool-Aid and Lemon-aide

Nessie groaned, and checked the caller ID before answering her persistently buzzing cell phone. "Alice, why are you calling me..." she leaned across Jake to glance at the alarm clock precariously perched on the edge of the TV tray they used as a nightstand… "It's five o'clock in the morning? Is something wrong?"

"_Nessie, why are you still in bed? The party is tonight, you have so much to do! Did you get the matching sweaters I ordered for you and Jacob? I used over-night shipping so they should have arrived yesterday. It's very late notice but I'm sure I can convince Remy to cater your event, I really wish you had told me about it sooner…"_

"Alice, slow down. I'm still in bed because it's still dark outside and it's my freakin' day off. The sweaters arrived yesterday while I was at work. I should have called immediately to thank you." _I was trying to come up with something nice to say about them first._ _No way in hell are we actually going to wear them. "_It was very kind of you to think of us." _That works._

"We don't need, nor can we afford, a caterer. We are serving hotdogs, but thank you for the offer. I didn't tell you sooner, because I knew you would do exactly what you're doing right now. It's not an 'event' it's just a bonfire."

"_HOT DOGS? Please tell me you're joking…!" _Alice's shrill voice hurt her ear so Nessie held the phone at arms length while her aunt ranted. Jake groaned, rolled onto his stomach, and pulled a pillow over his head… _"doesn't mean it's not important enough to be catered by the best chef in Seattle. You didn't get to have a proper wedding, you should at least have an elegant reception…"_

"I have to go Alice. Tell everyone… Jake and I send our love." Nessie air-kissed the phone and snapped it closed even though Alice was still complaining.

Jake pulled the pillow off his head and moaned. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Ten minutes after five." Nessie yawned. "How would you like your pancakes this morning? Undercooked and gooey or burnt to a crisp?"

Jake laughed good-naturedly. "Stay in bed, Sweetheart. I'll fix them myself."

Nessie smirked at him. "Burnt to a crisp it is then."

Jake smacked her butt as he climbed out of bed. "You can make 'em tomorrow, I think I'll be ready for undercooked and gooey by then."

"Yesterday's pancakes were perfect. You said so yourself." Nessie stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at him.

Jake jumped back into bed and pounced on her. Nessie giggled when he crouched over her on his hands and knees and growled playfully, nipping at her neck and shoulders. The game quickly progressed until their obnoxious neighbor pounded on the wall and yelled at them to be quiet.

Nessie felt her cheeks grow hot as she blushed. Jake just smirked and whispered seductively, "Let's give him something to complain about."

"Jacob!"

"Naw, I was just kidding, Nessie. He's already asleep again, anyway. Can't you hear him snoring?"

She cocked her head and listened carefully. "Yeah, but what if he wakes up again?"

"I'll. Be. Very. Very. Quiet." Jake punctuated each word with a kiss. Nessie placed her hands on his cheeks so he could feel the waves of pleasure she experienced every time he touched her.

"I love you so much, Nessie."

"I know, Jacob." _How is it possible I ever doubted it?_ "I love you too." She trembled when he ran his hand down the side of her body. He stroked her face and neck with his fingertips as he covered her with his huge frame, supporting most of his weight with one hand.

Nessie silently counted the days since the beginning of her last menstrual cycle and groaned.

Jake froze; his brow wrinkled with worry and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Jake, today is the beginning of my fertile period."

"Oh."

"Yeah, Oh."

He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, and rested his forehead on hers for a moment before kissing her softly and rolling onto his side. Nessie felt tears of frustration leak out of her eyes so she threw her arm over her face in a vain attempt to hide them.

"Hey now, none of that." Jake murmured, as he gently lifted her arm and kissed away her tears. "No hiding."

"I'm so sorry Jake, I wish I were normal. I hate having to rely on the oldest form of birth control known to mankind. It would be so nice to simply take a pill once a day. Or not worry about how long it takes my body to dissolve latex." Nessie pounded the mattress with her fist. "I hate being such a freak, and this is just so damned frustrating!"

Jake gazed at her with dark and heavy-lidded eyes. "What's the statistical risk if we cheat just a little? What difference could just one day make?"

~***~

"Don't let Rach, and Kim boss you around today." Jake swallowed the last bite of his pancakes and washed it down with a big gulp of water. "They tend to get carried away when planning a party."

Nessie knew Jake was just worried that she might spend more money than they had budgeted for the bonfire. "I'm not even taking the debit card, Jake. Please try not to worry about it." They had cut corners and saved every penny for the last month and a half.

Jake hunted with Nessie and took the carcass of the deer she drained to Billy's so he could butcher it in his old garage, away from prying eyes. The animal's ravaged throat might be hard to explain.

The only groceries they purchased were two twenty-five pound bags of flour, ten pounds of sugar, a gallon of canola oil, and two cases of commercially-sized canned vegetables. Nessie knew Jake had to be getting tired of eating the same thing every day. A steady diet of pancakes, homemade tortillas and venison stew was barely adequate nutrition for an active werewolf.

Nessie wished Jake hadn't been so stubborn about using the money generated by their trust fund. He finally agreed they could use the interest for emergencies and to benefit the people living on the rez—as long as they didn't touch the principle. She lost the argument about using trust-fund money to buy food for the bonfire…

"I don't see why we can't use it, Jake. The food we buy will feed every member of the tribe."

"No way, Nessie. This bonfire is not an emergency and filling everyone's bellies for one night will not make a difference in anyone's life."

"You are sacrificing too much for this bonfire, Jacob. At least let me buy some fresh fruit, or milk, or…"

"Nessie, I'm fine. Every time we visit Embry and Leah at the Big House, I drink a gallon of milk, eat a few apples, and a bunch of bananas. Besides, eating like this for a couple of months isn't going to kill me."

Nessie felt guilty for not contributing. They were already living frugally; trimming the grocery budget was the only thing that could make any difference. She didn't eat human food, so it wasn't a sacrifice for her.

She considered selling the cedar baskets she made, but there were already more baskets for sale than there were tourists. The other basket-weavers depended on that income to help support their families. Nessie refused to compete with them.

It took her a couple of days to come up with a solution. It was hard to believe she didn't think of it sooner. She gathered all her personal belongings out of the Big House and her parent's cottage.

The sheer quantity of _stuff _ embarrassed her. She had to enlist the help of Marcus, Alejandro, and Luca to load it in Emmett's Hummer and haul it into Port Angeles. It took three trips, two consignment shops, and a pawnshop, to convert her designer clothes and expensive electronics into cash.

The roll of bills hidden in the bottom of her purse gave her a sense of pride and accomplishment. This small personal sacrifice increased the growing love she felt for Jake's people.

_They weren't just Jake's people anymore... _They were her people too. Even if they didn't all approve of her, she couldn't deny the way her heart swelled with compassion when she thought of them.

Jake placed his hands on either side of his empty plate and pushed away from the table. Nessie was surprised the noise of his chair skittering across the cheap linoleum floor didn't instigate another round of swearing and wall pounding from their neighbor.

"Have fun with girls and I'll see you later this afternoon. Call me when you get home, okay?"

"Of course, and if you get done setting up down at the beach before I get home, call me and I'll do my best to escape." Nessie hated spending even one hour away from Jake when he was off-duty.

He pulled her into a warm embrace, kissed the top of her head and whispered. "They'll be here in about five minutes. I can hear Emily and Sam's truck rattling up the road." Jake placed his hands on her cheeks and brushed his lips across hers before whispering, "Eleven days and counting."

"The rhythm method sucks." Nessie whined in reply and pulled away. "I better get out there before Emily honks her horn. The last thing we need is another reason for our neighbor to complain about us."

Jake spun her around and smacked her backside playfully as Emily pulled into the driveway leading to their building. Nessie ran out the door and cringed when she heard the screen slam shut with a bang. _Oops._

"Hey Nessie! Do you mind riding in the back?" Leah patted the bench next to her. A quick glance at the cab revealed Claire, Rachel, and Kim, crammed next to Emily who was behind the wheel of the noisy old truck.

Nessie laughed and hopped in the back. "I didn't know you were going with us. Where's Theresa?" Gravel crunched under the tires as Emily turned the truck around and headed out of La Push.

"She's with Embry. I needed to get out and get some fresh air before I started to reek like a leech… Uh…"

Nessie just rolled her eyes. "It's okay Leah. I know they smell just as bad to you as you do to them."

"Touché."

"So, did the girls tell you where we were going to buy the food?"

"Yeah, it's okay Nessie. None of that crap matters anymore. In fact I'm going to get my own membership."

Rachel leaned out the window and grinned at them. "I was sure hell would freeze over before Leah Clearwater agreed to have her name and photo on a piece of plastic proving she was a card-carrying member of freakin' _Sam's Club."_

Nessie cringed but relaxed when Emily and Leah both laughed good-naturedly. A flash of white caught Nessie's eye when Leah brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "What happened to your finger?"

Leah shrugged and mumbled something about being clumsy and chopping vegetables. Nessie grabbed her wrist and pulled Leah's hand out from behind her back. She narrowed her eyes and hissed. "You performed the binding ritual didn't you!"

Leah ducked her head and nodded.

"Why? You know it's illegal! How did you get around the Alpha order forbidding it?"

"I wasn't there when Jake gave the order, so it didn't apply to me or Embry. Don't look at me like that, Nessie. Embry has sacrificed so much for me. There is no way in hell I'm going to risk destroying him because I imprint on someone else."

"Do you think that's possible? I thought it was only the guys that imprinted."

"Apparently not." Leah scowled. "Theresa and George's eyes have matching specks, which is a sure sign they're soul mates. Marcus assured us that they haven't imprinted, but the way they've already bonded means that it's only a matter of time."

"So… you think Theresa is going to become a wolf too?"

"Yeah, we think so. We won't know for sure until it happens, but since Embry and I are both wolves it increases the odds for all our kids. I can't believe I'm saying this… but I really hope she phases. I know it's selfish, but I want her to live as long as I do. If she doesn't phase, if she's mortal… Embry and I will stop phasing when she catches up with us."

Nessie's eyes glazed over as she processed what Leah had just revealed. It was something she hadn't yet considered. Would her children grow old and die? It was impossible for her to age, but what about Jake? Would he choose to stay with her and mourn the death of each of their mortal children? Or would he choose to age and die with them?

_Maybe we shouldn't have kids after all. I can't think about this now. _

"Hey, Earth to Nessie" Leah was waving her hand in front of Nessie's face. "Where did you drift off to?"

"Um… sorry… I was just thinking about what you said."

"Oh yeah. You and Jake are going to have the same dilemma when you have kids, huh."

"Leah, I can't even think about it! I can't imagine the grief of watching my child growing old, and dying… I can't do this!"

"Whoa, take it easy Nessie. You don't know what your kids will be like. They'll probably be just as immortal as you and Jake."

"But what if they aren't?"

Leah wrapped an arm around her shoulders and wiped her tears with her bandaged hand. "I know kid, I know."

~***~

The ride into Port Angeles took almost twice as long as it should have. The Uley's ancient pickup truck's maximum speed was forty miles per hour and they had to stop twice to let the engine cool down. Nessie was grateful for the extra time that allowed her to get her emotions under control before they arrived.

She used her talent for pushing negative emotions deep inside her so she could focus on the bonfire. Leah's worried glances were the only reminder that the bubble of bliss she lived in with Jake was incredibly fragile.

"I'm fine. Stop looking at me like that." Nessie hissed quietly at Leah when she could no longer ignore her.

"Yeah, right."

"I mean it Leah. I can deal with it later, but right now I just need to NOT think about it, okay?"

"Okay then…" Leah took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "Do you think I should smile or look serious when they take my picture for the membership card."

Nessie smiled and sighed with relief. "Neither. You should make a scary face, or stick out your tongue or something."

The kid behind the counter at the customer service desk was obviously bored out of his mind so he didn't care when Leah crossed her eyes, sucked in her cheeks and made fish lips with her mouth.

Everyone laughed as they passed around Leah's membership card. Even the few strangers that managed to steal a peek found it hard not to laugh.

This was only the second time Nessie had been in Sam's Club. It wasn't quite as intimidating this time. "So Nessie, how much money can you spend today?" Emily asked.

They all dropped their jaws when she told them. Claire's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head. "Holy crap Nessie, you really are rich."

Rachel clamped her mouth shut pressing her lips into a thin hard line and narrowed her eyes. She didn't say a word. Emily looked embarrassed. "Oh my… well… that is quite a bit more than I was expecting. You won't need to spend a fraction of that, I'm sure."

Kim just looked at her feet, but Leah said exactly what was on her mind. "What the hell Nessie? Do you have any idea how much it's going to hurt and embarrass Jake if you use Cullen money to pay for this? Are you trying to show off or something?"

"NO! Of course not… I'm not using Cullen money… well not exactly."

"What do you mean 'not exactly'?" Rachel asked brusquely. "Either it is or it isn't. Where did you get the money?"

"I sold my stuff." Nessie blinked her eyes furiously trying to keep her traitorous tears at bay. "So in a way, I guess it's Cullen money since I was a Cullen when I acquired most of the junk I sold."

"What sort of 'stuff' did you sell Nessie?" Emily asked kindly.

"Just my old clothes, some computers, iPods, and video games. Nothing important."

"Oh." Leah bit her lip and wrinkled her nose. "I guess I just made an ass of myself. I'm sorry Ness. I should have known better."

"S'okay."

"No, it really isn't 'okay'. I'm sorry too." Rachel reached out and grabbed Nessie's hand. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and allowed old prejudices to color my perceptions. Forgive me?"

Nessie just nodded, not trusting her voice.

"Okay! Now that we have an idea of what we have to work with I say we go spend it!" Kim announced cheerfully as she ducked around the corner to get a flatbed cart.

Emily and Nessie found it a little difficult to keep Kim, Leah, and Claire from going overboard. They quickly cleaned the entire store out of hotdogs, buns and corn chips. They bought a cartload of potatoes and heavy-duty aluminum foil so they could bake them in the hot coals around the fire.

Emily, Rachel, and Kim seemed very confidant as they efficiently piled food and condiments onto the cart. Nessie gladly deferred to their judgment. She didn't have a clue how much sour cream, butter, pickle relish, mustard, and ketchup would be enough.

When Nessie and Claire began to load their cart up with soda, Emily pulled her aside and whispered, "Don't buy the name-brand pop, Nessie. People will definitely think you're trying to show off or buy their acceptance. It's okay to buy a few cases of the generic stuff if you want, but what we usually do is make buckets full of Kool-Aid and add a few cans of frozen lemon-aide."

"What do they like? You know I have no way of knowing what's good. It all tastes horrible to me."

Emily grimaced, and Nessie could have kicked herself for reminding everyone that she was a blood-sucker… a leech.

"Grape Kool-Aid and lemon-aide is always a big hit with everyone."

"Okay, let's go with that. We could even slice a few dozen lemons and add it to the punch."

Emily smiled and her eyes lit up. "That's a great idea, Nessie! A little elegance without extravagance."

Leah snorted. "We're still serving it out of plastic buckets. A few lemon slices isn't going to make it elegant."

"Well, I still like the idea. It will be something new and different. Come on, lets go to the produce section and check out the lemons."

Nessie convinced Emily that it was okay to buy several huge bags of oranges, apples, and bananas since they were nutritious _and_ on sale. Despite Jake's denial, Nessie knew he was craving fresh fruit.

Kim and Rachel talked them into buying five hundred tea-light candles and paper lunch bags. "We can fill the bags with sand and line the path from the parking lot to the beach with luminaries. We have to do _something_ special. After all, this is to celebrate your marriage!"

It took the lady that guarded the exit twenty minutes to check off the items on the receipt. She actually waved several other customers through without even looking in their carts. _Does she think we're trying to steal something?_

Nessie was amazed by the clever way her friends used cardboard boxes, old newspapers, plastic drop cloths, and ice to keep the perishable foods cold in the back of the Uley's truck.

When they got back to La Push, Emily parked in the shade behind the community center and called Sam. "Hey Sam, we're home. Can you guys spare a few strong backs to help us unload the food?"

Nessie was pleasantly surprised when Jake showed up with Seth and Quil. Seth had his arm around a girl and Nessie bit back a growl when she recognized her. She was Seth's imprint but she had jumped on _her Jacob _at the last bonfire. Leah seemed less than pleased to see her as well.

Bad first impression or not, she _was_ Seth's imprint and it was Nessie's job to welcome her into the pack. "Hello. You're Dee, right?" The girl nodded shyly and smiled.

"I'm Renesmee Black, but everyone calls me 'Nessie'. Have you met everyone else?"

She avoided Leah's eyes as she glanced at the other "wolf-girls". "Yes, we've all met."

"Good. Emily is in charge, so ask her what she wants you to do. Okay?"

She just nodded then looked up at Seth who beamed at her. "Go ahead, Emily will take good care of you." He then glared at Leah and whispered too low for human ears to hear. "Be nice."

"What was that, Seth? I didn't hear you." Leah asked, and smiled sweetly at her brother—a little too sweetly to be sincere.

Seth walked Dee into the community center and personally handed her over to Emily. As he passed Leah on his way out he growled at her. "I'm warning you, Leah. Leave her alone."

"Who, me?" Leah asked innocently then turned to Nessie and snarled, "I hate that little bitch."

"Why?" Nessie knew what it was like to be on the bad side of Leah, so she felt a little sympathy for Dee. "Did she make a move on Embry?"

"Not recently."

"How long ago?"

"Long enough it shouldn't matter, but she did steal Seth's heart and then play hard to get."

"Oh, I see. They're together now though, right?"

Leah just snorted in disgust.

"Leah, don't make this hard for Seth. He will always choose her over everyone else, but that doesn't mean trying to divide his loyalty won't hurt him. Don't make him choose, you know you can't win."

"Yeah, I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"No, it doesn't. And just between the two of us, I'm not exactly thrilled about it either… but who are we to fight destiny?"

Leah grinned wickedly and held up her bandaged hand. "You might want to rephrase that. I'm pretty good at fighting destiny."

~***~

**A/N My grandmother always made grape Kool-Aid and lemon-aide for every large gathering of family and friends. We still serve it at family reunions, but the younger generations don't really appreciate it. Maybe we aren't making it the same way she did.**


	61. Seth's Secret

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Chapter 61: Seth's Secret

"Come on Nessie, we can't be late." Jake sounded uncharacteristically impatient with her.

"I know, but I can't show up with grape Kool-Aid stains all over my shirt! I don't know what else to wear!" Nessie dug through the now half-empty armoire in the corner of their apartment.

"You have a ton of clothes Nessie, just pick something. No one cares."

"_I care!_"

"Since when, Nessie? You've never been obsessed with fashion."

"I just want you to be proud of me. I want to look mature and respectable." She was dangerously close to tears when she felt Jake's strong warm arms envelope her.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to sound so insensitive. I just think it's important that we show up in time to walk down the lighted path before all the luminaries blow out or burn up. Everyone's been working really hard to keep them lit."

Jake reached into the armoire and pulled out the sweater Alice sent. "Here, wear this."

"Jake! It looks like someone ate an entire box of Fruit-Loops and then threw up on it. I can't wear that!"

"Would it help if I wore the other one?"

"NO! That would make it worse. We can't match." Nessie jerked the expensive butt-ugly sweater on over her head and shook out her shoulder-length hair. "Fine. Let's go."

"Not until you're satisfied with what you're wearing. I don't want you to feel self-conscious all night."

"No, it's okay Jake. You're right. It doesn't matter what I wear. Our friends won't care and the people that are going to judge me by the clothes on my back aren't going to like me no matter what."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am." Nessie grabbed his hand and smiled. "Do me a favor and take a picture of me with a group of people in front of the fire so Alice can see that I actually wore this hideous thing to the party. I might as well make her happy while I'm at it."

Jake grinned and kissed her cheek. "Sure, sure. Are you ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Brady, Paul, and Jared were darting up and down the path with barbeque lighters mumbling and complaining every time another bag blew over or candle flickered out in the wind.

They were about halfway to the beach when they heard Paul swearing and yelling at Collin. "What do you think you're doing? You can't use a torch!"

Nessie and Jake looked at each other and tried not to laugh at the spectacle of Collin kicking sand over several flaming paper bags. There was no chance of a fire spreading so no one got too excited about it.

The bonfire was blazing and most of the people were already there. Old Quil stood up when Jake and Nessie arrived and silence spread like a ripple across a pond. "As I'm sure everyone knows Jacob Black married Renesmee Cullen in a private ceremony last month. I was privileged to officiate at that ceremony and it is my honor to publicly introduce them for the first time as man and wife... Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Black."

Shouts of approval, earsplitting whistles, and enthusiastic clapping filled Nessie's heart with joy. Jake squeezed her hand and looked at her with adoration and love. Nessie turned towards him and placed her hand on his cheek. _"I'm so proud to be your wife, and I promise to do everything in my power to support you as you lead and bless the lives of our people." _

Jake kissed her palm and whispered, "I'm so proud to be your husband and I promise to do everything in my power to prove my love to you on a daily basis. You will always be my top priority, Nessie. Always."

"Hey come on down here and get a plate of food. It's time to get this party started!" An anonymous voice called from the crowd.

The fruit was a huge hit. Several children had orange slices in their mouths as they chased each other around the various groups of people; laughing, squealing and pretending they were monsters.

Claire was sitting on Quil's lap feeding him apple slices and staring at him adoringly. Nessie wondered how much longer they would be able to enjoy the innocent pleasure of each other's company before things got awkward and complicated.

Jake finished off the last bit of food on Nessie's plate then stood up and winked at her. "I'm going to get another baked potato; do you want anything else to eat?"

They both laughed quietly as Nessie shook her head and patted her belly. "No thank you, I'm stuffed."

Jake leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back."

It actually took quite a while for Jake to make it back to her. Well-wishers and friends constantly surrounded him. Nessie didn't mind. She was happy Jake was so popular.

One small group of people did not seem to be enjoying themselves very much. Their expressions were guarded or downright hostile, but their plates were full. Their hatred and jealousy of Jacob did not keep them from eating the food he provided. Esau Dukit stood in the exact center of the group.

Nessie wondered what would happen if she were to grab his plate and smash it into his face. She smiled wickedly as she imagined sour cream and ketchup smeared all over his ugly mug.

"Did you knit your sweater?" The question snapped her out of her evil fantasy.

"Oh, hi Dee. Um… no, my Aunt gave it to me."

"She did an amazing job of interpreting the pattern. I never would have thought of incorporating that shade of purple." Dee rubbed the edge of Nessie's sleeve between her fingers. "It's one of my favorite Kaffe Fassett designs."

"Oh I don't think she made it. Alice doesn't 'make' things. She buys them. Besides, there's a label on the back." Nessie reached behind her head and flipped the neckband up so Dee could read it.

"It says, 'hand made with love, by Alice'. Is that your Aunt's name."

Nessie's eyes widened in shock. "Oh! She actually made this?"

"Either that or she bought it from someone named Alice. This is a very complicated design. It must have taken her months to make it."

"Oh dear… Jacob!" Nessie called and he immediately appeared in front of her, his brow creased with worry.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but you have to go back to our apartment and change into the sweater Alice sent."

"I thought you didn't like it. You said you didn't want to match."

"Alice made them herself. She hand-knitted these for us and I absolutely must have documented proof we wore them tonight!"

Jake ran a hand down Nessie's arm and lifted his eyebrows. "Alice knits?"

"I guess so. I didn't bother to read the labels she sewed into the neckbands. I just thought it was another famous designer that captured her imagination. She said she "ordered" them for us." Nessie smacked her forehead with her palm. "She did that on purpose, to mislead me!" Nessie put her hands on Jake's chest and gave him a little shove. "Hurry!"

He kissed her nose then ran into the forest.

"Where's he going?" Dee asked.

"Home, why?"

"Did you guys park in the forest?"

_Crap. Seth hasn't told her. _"He probably just needs to pee. You know how guys are… every tree's a toilet."

Dee laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Nessie decided to change the subject. "So, you and Seth are dating now."

Dee blushed. "Yeah, he's really not my type, but for some reason I just can't resist him."

"Oh, what is your type?" _Men that are already in relationships? _Nessie forced herself to remain calm.

"Just between you and me… I used to have a huge crush on Embry Call."

"Well, just between you and me… I would keep that information _very _private. Seth's big sister would snap you in two if she even suspected you were lusting after her man."

"Hey! I didn't say I was lusting after Embry! It was a long time ago and we were just kids, ya know?"

"No, I don't know. I don't know anything about you, but I think you better learn a little bit about me and the other wolf-girls. We are very… I guess you could say… possessive when it comes to our men. We don't appreciate it when other women flirt with, tease, or throw themselves at one of our boys. We get especially angry when other women wrap their legs around their waists and arms around their necks. In fact…"

"What's going on?" Seth stepped between Nessie and Dee wrapping his arm protectively around Dee's shoulder.

"Nothing." Nessie snarled, still angry. "I was just explaining a few things to Dee."

Seth glared at Nessie briefly before his eyes softened with sadness. "I thought you of all people would understand what it feels like to be an outsider. I thought you could be her friend."

Nessie felt a sense of shame wash over her. "I… I'm sorry, Seth. You're right. Dee, please forgive me. I just… when it comes to Jacob, I have zero tolerance. I was rude and unkind, and for that, I humbly apologize."

Nessie paused, then reached out and clasped Dee's hand. She waited until the girl met her eyes then continued. "There is no such thing as 'innocent' flirting with another woman's man. Remember that and focus on your own relationship. The more you love Seth, the more everyone else will love you."

Dee lowered her eyes and nodded. Nessie made an impulsive decision and hoped Ellen wouldn't mind. "I meet with a wonderful artisan every weekday after work at one-thirty. She's an amazing basket weaver. Why don't you stop by the records office where I work and we'll walk over to Ellen's together. That is if you want to learn how to weave traditional cedar baskets."

Dee smiled shyly and nodded. "I'd like that very much. Thank you Nessie."

"You're welcome Dee. Maybe you could teach me how to knit?"

Dee's shy smile spread into a megawatt grin. "I would love to teach you how to knit!"

Seth's smile matched that of his imprint's until she asked, "What's a 'wolf-girl'?" His eyes nearly popped out of his head before he shot an accusatory glance at Nessie.

"It's just what we call ourselves… you've probably noticed how Jake and his buddies all run together like a pack of wolves. As Seth's girlfriend, you're a wolf-girl too."

Seth wiggled his eyebrows and growled playfully. Dee giggled and rolled her eyes. "You're more of huge puppy-dog than a big bad wolf, but I love you anyway."

Seth blushed and Nessie muttered under her breath, "You have no idea."

"I'm going to get some marshmallows and chocolate bars before they're all gone. Do you guys want s'mores?" Dee asked.

Seth's face lit up like a little kid's. "Yeah! Thanks Dee, I'll take five."

"Sorry Seth, you'll get two. Nessie do you want any?"

"No, thank you. You can give mine to Seth."

Seth gave Nessie a one-armed hug as Dee trotted off to find the last of the chocolate.

"Seth, you have to tell her!" Nessie whispered urgently. "Don't wait until she gets suspicious or someone else lets something slip."

"I know Ness, but I don't want to freak her out."

"Well, that's a little hard to avoid. If you want, Jake and I can be there when you tell her. It might help if she has someone there to hang onto while you morph into a giant ball of fur."

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea. I'll talk to Jake about it when I see him. Speaking of Jake… where is he?"

"If I were a bloodsucker, you'd be dead." Jake laughed when Seth and Nessie both jumped out of their skins.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny Jake. You cheated. You're completely downwind and this crowd is so noisy…"

"Sounds like a bunch of excuses to me. So, you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Yeah, I need to tell Dee about our secrets. Ness and I think it would be helpful if you two were there when I do the big reveal. Do you mind?"

"Of course not, when do you want to do this?"

"Well, if it's not too late, how about right after the bonfire?"

"Sure, sure. We'll wait till everyone else goes home. The crashing waves should drown out her screams of terror."

"Not helping, Jake. Not helping at all."

Dee returned with a sack full of marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars in one hand and a guitar in the other. "If I'm going to roast marshmallows, I expect to be serenaded for my efforts."

Seth smiled shyly and began to tune his guitar. Jake pulled Nessie into his lap and whispered softly, "Prepare to be amazed."

Nessie was more than amazed. Seth's long fingers danced over the strings of his guitar with effortless grace. The battered instrument came to life in his hands and filled the air with rich and vibrant tones. The soft buzzing of conversation ceased completely as the crowd gathered around them.

She expected a man of Seth's stature to have a deep baritone voice, so it startled her when his pitch-perfect tenor rang clear and sweet into the night. His song was heart-rendingly beautiful and Nessie felt her own heart swell with what could only be described as a mother's pride.

~***~

After Seth's opening song, more instruments appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Violins, violas and even a cello added rich layers of sound to the mix. Esau surprised everyone when he joined the impromptu band with a concertina. The deep and powerful beat of authentic Quileute drums reverberated and pulsed beneath it all.

Someone handed Jake a low-D Irish whistle and his skill completely shocked Nessie. He just winked at her and continued to play. _When did he learn to play an instrument? How come I never knew?_ The eclectic mix of instruments from different climes and cultures created music that was pure magic.

"Where did all the instruments come from?" Nessie asked as soon as the musicians took their first break.

"Pawnshops and yard sales near the college campuses. Every semester produces a new crop of valuable items. As soon as they run out of Daddy's money, all the spoiled kids sell their stuff for a fraction of what's it worth."

_Crap!_

It was past two o'clock when the last weary celebrants made their way home. Dee had fallen asleep with her head on Nessie's lap. She ran her fingers through the long soft curls of her hair and wondered out loud why it wasn't completely straight.

"She's half Norwegian." Seth whispered quietly. "Her last name, Ulvinne, means female wolf."

Nessie smiled. "Well, let's wake her up and explain why that is so perfect."

~***~

Dee had a difficult time believing Seth's "story" until he actually phased. She had an even more difficult time accepting the fact that her boyfriend was indeed a mythical creature straight out of the legends of her mother's people.

In fact, she was having such a difficult time adjusting to her new reality that Seth decided to wait and explain imprinting at another time. The two couples sat in contemplative silence until the bonfire collapsed and sent a multitude of sparks shooting into the sky.

"That's it, guys. The party's over. Time for bed." Jake announced as he stood up and pulled Nessie to her feet.

"Good night Jake, Nessie." Dee mumbled as she yawned. "Thanks for… for everything."

Jake patted her shoulder as they walked past her. "You handled it pretty good, Dee. It's a huge shock to everyone when they find out the world is full of magic."

"Thanks. Take me home, Seth. I'm exhausted."

Seth scooped her into his arms and trotted off into the forest.

"Where's he taking her?" Nessie asked.

"Home."

"Huh? Oh!"

"Ten days." Jake murmured as he picked her up and cradled her in his arms.

"Ten days." She replied, then fell into a deep and dreamless sleep as he carried her home.

~***~

**A/N "Dee" is the creation and property of leydyan22. I included her in this story as a special favor to her. I found it very challenging to use someone else's OC and hope I didn't stray too far from leydyann22's vision. **

**From now on, the only characters I will introduce will either belong to the marvelous Ms. M, or myself. It's too stressful trying to develop a character that means so much to someone else. (Stephenie does not read fanfiction and has no idea what I've done to her beloved characters).**


	62. Dollars and Sense

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

~***~

Chapter 62: Dollars and Sense

"Crap. This doesn't add up. Okay, let's see. If I pick up the other weekend shift and two more nights that would be… time and half for the evenings, double time for the weekend… Crap, it's still not enough…"

Nessie woke up to the sound of Jake muttering quietly to himself. The curtain separating the bed from the rest of their tiny one-room apartment was partially open and Nessie could see Jake's profile as he sat hunched over the table with his head in his hands. The ledger book they used to balance their budget lay open on the table next to the incredibly long receipt from Sam's Club.

_Ah-oh… _"Good Morning Jake. What are you doing out of bed so early?"

He lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, but did not look at her. "Nessie, can you come in here for a minute, Sweetheart?"

_Crap, crap, crap. _"Sure Jake, I'll be right there." She pulled on a robe and padded softly into the kitchen area on bare feet. Jake was practically nude, wearing nothing but a pair of bright blue boxers. Nessie could feel the tension and stress trapped in his body when she ran her hands over the tops of his shoulders.

Jake sighed and rolled his head from side to side as she tried to massage the knots out. He gently pushed a chair away from the table with his foot and motioned for her to take a seat. He picked up the receipt and exhaled loudly as it unfurled. "Ness, what is this?"

"I can explain, Jake…" Nessie bit first her bottom lip then her top as she tried to organize her thoughts. "Um… I think it would be easier for me to show you."

Jake nodded slowly in agreement, placed her palm on his cheek, and closed his eyes. He looked so depressed as he slowly lowered his head to the table, resting the side of his face against its worn and scratched surface.

Remorse settled in the pit of her stomach when Jake quietly whispered, "okay, show me". Why hadn't she told him yesterday, before the bonfire? She tried to justify it to herself, claiming she wanted to "surprise" him. Well he was surprised all right—he believed their checking account was severely overdrawn.

Nessie projected everything in reverse order. She wanted to relieve the weight of this unnecessary burden as soon as possible. She started by showing him the thick wad of bills she used to pay for everything, then flashed to the image of their checkbook and debit card safely stashed under a pile of Jake's socks in his bottom drawer. "_I paid cash. We are not in debt."_ She felt Jake relax momentarily until she showed a quick inventory of all the stuff she sold. His cheek muscles bunched and twitched as he tightly clenched his jaw, but he didn't say anything.

She tried to explain her motives by sharing her feelings of shame as she served him nutritionally deficient and unappetizing meals everyday. She projected her desire to match his sacrifice, or at least contribute in some small way.

Nessie felt a few tears leak out of the corners of her eyes as she projected the way her feelings for the tribe deepened and grew exponentially. _"Sacrifice expands and enlarges the heart. It is impossible not to love those you serve." _ Jake sighed and kissed her palm as he sat up.

"I wish you had discussed this with me first."

"Are you mad at me?" Nessie felt her lip begin to quiver.

"Of course not, Baby. I'm proud of you for your desire to contribute, but it's such a waste." He reached for her, and Nessie crawled into his lap. "Those pawn shops only pay a fraction of anything's true value. I hate that you sacrificed so much and got so little in return. Did you spend all your money at Sam's Club?"

"No. In fact we have quite a bit left over." Nessie hopped up, grabbed her purse, pulled out a roll of bills and handed it to Jake. "I have another roll in the bottom of my underwear drawer."

Jake's eyes widened and he grabbed her wrist. "Show me again everything you sold." He demanded as he placed her palm on his cheek.

"Damn Nessie. That's a hell of a lot of money. You have to go to the bank first thing tomorrow morning and set up a savings account. You can't just have this much cash lying around. It's not safe."

"Okay, if you say so. I could give Alice a call and ask for some investment advice. Maybe we should put this money to work."

"I don't know… that sort of feels like cheating."

"It's up to you, Jake. I really don't care either way."

"Go ahead and put it in the bank for now. I'll think about investing it later."

"Okay. So, you really aren't upset with me?"

Jake stood up and pressed her body next to his. "No Baby, I'm not upset. Just please… promise me you'll talk to me first before making any large financial decisions."

"Of course Jake, but what do you consider a 'large' financial decision?" Nessie snuggled into his chest and inhaled his heavenly scent. "Anything over a thousand dollars?"

Jake coughed, leaned back, and locked his eyes onto hers. "How about anything over fifty dollars?"

"Oh… Okay."

He pulled her back in and whispered, "Okay," before kissing the top of her head.

~***~

After thinking about it for several days, Jake called Alice and asked for her help investing half of the money. Nessie was sitting in his lap and had no problem hearing both sides of the conversation.

"_That's a wonderful idea Jacob! I can't believe Nessie actually sold all that stuff. That is so much work! We usually just donate everything at the end of each season. Good Will sends a semi-truck right to the door. But I can't fault her for being so industrious. Did you wear the sweaters?"_

"Alice! Slow down." Jake rolled his eyes and held the phone away from his ear as Nessie covered her mouth with her hands, trying not to laugh. "So, should we invest the money?"

"_Of course you should, silly."_

"I don't mean to insult you Alice, but since you can't see our futures, how can you give us good financial advice?"

"_The small amount of money you are investing will not affect the economy. All I have to see is the future of the financial world, not yours."_

"Oh, that makes sense. So what should we do with the money?"

"_Do you want to make a lot of money fast?"_

"Uh… I guess so. As long as it's not illegal or unethical."

"_Ja-cob Black! I have never done anything illegal or unethical… except when absolutely necessary."_

Jake and Nessie both laughed. "So are you going to tell me how?"

"_Yes, but first you need to spend a little of that money and buy a fast computer… Oh wait; do you have broadband internet service in La Push?"_

"Alice, we live on a reservation not in a cave. Of course we have broadband internet service. Most of us can't afford it though."

"_Well, you have to spend money to make money… Jaz? Order Nessie and Jacob the same computer system we just bought and have it delivered immediately."_

"Whoa Alice! That's a complete waste of money. There's no need to pay extra for overnight shipping." Jake was indignant.

"_I know what I'm doing Jacob. Time is money. The pittance you save by normal ground shipping is nothing compared to the amount you will earn the first day you start trading online. Every day you wait costs you thousands of dollars."_

"WHAT? _Thousands_ of dollars? What exactly will I be doing?"

"_Trading currencies, buying and selling stocks and bonds, capitalizing on the unstable economic climate in several countries. That's for the next six months. After that, we can start investing in real-estate."_

"Um… Alice that sounds great, but I already have a job I love. I can't sit at home and stare at a computer screen all day."

Alice harrumphed indignantly and Nessie overheard Jasper's voice as he eased his wife's frustration. _"Alice Darlin' Jake and Nessie don't need a great deal of wealth to be happy. They already have a substantial trust fund. I believe they are only askin' for a little advice."_

"_Fine. I'll email you a list of small companies to invest in, but it will take at least three months just to double your money."_

"Thank you Alice." Jake rolled his eyes and sighed. "That would be fantastic."

~***~

"This is so unfair!" Dee complained. "You've only been knitting for a week and look at you!"

Nessie shook her head and laughed as her knitting needles clicked and flashed. The balls of yarn in the basket by her feet bounced and spun as the sweater she was knitting for Jake grew in her lap. "Sorry, I can't help it if my half-vamp fingers move faster than your feeble human hands."

Dee snorted. "Psh... that's a bit of an understatement. Your fingers move faster than an industrial knitting machine. Your tension is perfect, and there isn't a single flaw." Dee set her project down and sighed. "Maybe I should just have you knit Seth's sweater too."

Nessie stilled her hands and looked at Dee. "Listen to me, Dee. If all you wanted to do was put a sweater on Seth's back, we could go to the mall and buy him one. The fact that you're making it yourself is what makes it special. Your scent is weaving its way into the yarn as you work. The longer you work on it, the more it will smell like you." Nessie smiled at her encouragingly. "Seth won't want to take it off. In fact, you better make him another one to wear while this one is being washed."

"Won't my scent disappear the first time he washes it?"

"It won't disappear, but it will fade. Besides, I'll bet he refuses to ever wash it."

"Ew… that's disgusting."

"Yeah, it is. Just tell him you'll sleep with it after every wash and recharge it with your scent."

"Hey, I wonder if that's why my pillow disappeared the first night I met Seth? Do you think he stole it?"

"Most likely. That's a very wolfish thing to do. It's very hard for our boys to sleep without us in their beds."

Dee blushed and suddenly her knitting project required her full attention.

Nessie feigned shock and gasped melodramatically. "Why Miss Dee, I do believe you are hiding something!"

Dee sighed and put her hands in her lap. "It's just all happening so fast. I'm not like this! I don't hop into bed with some guy I hardly know after just a few weeks of dating.

"I know it's too soon and I'm acting like a love-sick school girl, but I love him, Nessie. I don't want anyone to think that it's just a physical relationship. I know that's what it looks like, but I _feel _like Seth is a part of me… I am hopelessly, helplessly and desperately in love with Seth Clearwater."

Nessie set her knitting aside and wrapped her arms around Dee. "It's not too soon, Dee. I know how you feel. There's a reason for it, but it's not my place to explain it to you. Tell Seth you are ready to learn the rest of the story. Make him tell you the truth. He can't deny you anything."

"I knew there was more to this magical mystery. I just hope it's not going to freak me out, like when he explode into a wolf."

"Well, that's up to you, Dee. My advice is 'don't over-think it'. Let your heart guide you, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Jake and I have been through it all."

"Thanks Nessie. Seth will be off patrol soon." She stuffed her knitting into a worn canvas bag and stood up. "I'm making dinner for him tonight, so I need to get going. Thanks… for everything… for being my friend, especially."

"You're welcome, Dee. Thanks for being my friend as well."

Nessie put her own knitting away as soon as Dee left, and began to prepare Jake's dinner. She was pulling it out of the oven when the front swung open with a bang. Jake grinned and called, "I'm home!" as if she weren't standing right in front of him.

"I see that." Nessie beamed at him and set the steaming dish on a hand-crocheted potholder before launching herself at her husband. She wrapped her legs around his waist and grabbed his head with both hands, forcing his mouth against hers with an almost violent need.

Jake kicked the door shut, threw back the dividing curtain and dropped them both onto the bed. His hands and mouth were all over her face and body. "Jake, wait… three more days…"

"No." He growled and bit her on the neck. Nessie knew Jake had been struggling to control his inner wolf for the past week. "No more waiting." His eyes were coal black and burning as a feral snarl escaped his throat. _"Mine!" _

If she had been human, his bite would have drawn blood. If she were human, she would have been frightened… But she was not human. Jake's bite only increased her desire for him until it was unbearable. She wanted him, right now, this very minute… she didn't want to wait either. Her rational mind was dangerously close to surrendering to this all-consuming _need_. Jake's need for her was more than obvious.

The sexual tension of the past week was worse than before they were married. Now that they _were_ married, they shouldn't have to abstain.

She was certain that Jake had already lost the battle with his inner-wolf. The Alpha male was in control now and focused on claiming what was rightfully his.

Nessie wanted to be claimed. She was his mate, and he was hers. She wanted him so desperately it hurt. It wasn't just her body, her very soul called to his. She cravedthe magic that only their union could create. It took every ounce of self-control to deny him.

She knew Jake would be disgusted with himself for losing control. It wouldn't matter one bit that she would be just as guilty. Jake would insist that he alone was at fault. He was an expert at emotional self-flagellation. No, she had to be strong. For him. She would be the responsible one this time.

Nessie grabbed his head, tangling her fingers in his hair, and yelled at him, "Jacob Black. Stop it right now." She had to shake him roughly several times to get his attention. She could see the battle raging behind his eyes. He was sweating and panting with the effort to regain control.

Nessie slipped her palm onto his cheek and projected the image of Jake sitting at the table in a wife-beater undershirt and boxers trying to balance the budget. She showed him a sink overflowing with dirty dishes, the sofa completely hidden under mountains of laundry and her—balancing a screaming baby on each hip.

She sighed with relief when the fire in his eyes faded to a slow burn. He flipped onto his back and groaned as he stared at the water-stained ceiling above them. "Three days, Jake. Just three more days."

"Nessie, I'm so, so sorry." Jake was trembling as he rolled onto his side, stretched out his hand, and tentatively touched the spot on her neck where he had bitten her. "I promise it won't happen again."

"Jake, please don't feel guilty. I understand. I'm just as frustrated as you are, only this time I was the responsible one." Nessie joked, trying to make him feel better. "I'll bet you never thought I would be the one to say 'no'. Quite a change, huh."

"This isn't a joke, Nessie. I could have hurt you. You are the most precious thing in the world to me. I can't believe I nearly forced…"

"Stop it right there Jacob. The imprint won't allow you to take me by force. Even if there were no imprint, you would never hurt me. There is no doubt in my mind that you were only responding to _my_ desires and needs."

"You don't understand, Nessie. I've never felt so out of control…. I'm so ashamed. I was consumed by animal lust and I don't ever want to disrespect you like that. I promise I will never treat you so crudely again…

"Jake, stop…"

"I will only touch you with the utmost tenderness and respect…"

"JAKE! I LIKED IT!"

"Huh?"

"I said…" Nessie closed her eyes, blushed furiously, and whispered, "I liked it."

Jake gripped her chin and gently lifted her face. "Look at me Nessie. Open your eyes."

She peeked at him from under her lashes and bit her lip.

"You aren't just saying that to make me feel better?"

"No Jacob, I'm not. I would show you _exactly_ how much I liked it, but that might not be a good idea right now. You are just going to have to take my word for it. Well for three more days anyway—after that, we can let the wolf out to play…"

Jake growled, flipped onto his stomach and pulled a pillow over his head. "I can't even think about it right now."

Nessie hopped out of bed to lessen the temptation and patted his back before walking away. "I love you Jake. Dinner's ready when ever you are."

"Thanks, Ness. I'm going to take a cold shower first. Try to save me some food, okay."

She laughed out loud, relieved to hear him joking again. "Sure, sure, I'll try not to eat all the decomposing fish flesh coated in the fatty by-products of lactating bovines and the reproductive pods of Citrus Limonia."

Jake's eyes lit up as he jumped out of bed. "Yum! Broiled salmon with lemon-butter. Thanks Nessie!"

~***~

Nessie and Jake were bumping into each other playfully as they brushed their teeth and vied for space at the sink when they heard someone knocking on their front door.

Jake opened the door and Embry Call walked in. "Whoa, I thought imprinted couples didn't have major fights."

"We didn't have a fight, Embry. Why would you say that?"

He nodded toward the pile of blankets and pillows on the sofa. "Then how come someone slept on the couch last night?"

Jake growled. "That's none of your damn business."

Nessie rolled her eyes. "I slept on the couch last night so we won't have to cram a crib into this tiny apartment."

Embry nodded knowingly. "Yeah. The rhythm method sucks, huh?"

"You guys use the rhythm method?" Nessie asked.

"Nah. It wouldn't work for us. Leah is completely out of control when she's in heat and that's when she's fertile."

"Whoa Embry! Too much information." Nessie cringed.

"Well, you asked."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. So… just two more days. The whole pack will be so relieved when…"

"EMBRY!" Jake's eyes flashed but Embry just shrugged his shoulders.

"She knows how the pack mind works, Jake."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we want to be reminded of it."

"I'm just sayin'."

"Yeah, well don't. So what are you doing over here other than annoying the hell outta' me?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The Cullen's are back."

~***~

**A/N Just another obnoxious reminder about the Sparkle Awards… voting ends November 8. The link on my profile takes you directly to the ballot form.**

**Thank you so much for all the support, votes, and reviews. Over 1500 reviews… WOW! I am deliriously happy… as well as just plain delirious. Nasty head cold is messing with my brain. **

**All I feel like doing is lying (laying?) in bed and writing. Too bad most of what I'm writing doesn't make sense. I started a one-shot for a contest and it is all over the place. At least this story is so much a part of my psyche all I have to do is listen to the voices in my head and type… **


	63. Thirst No More

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

_Previously: So what are you doing over here other than annoying the hell outta' me?"_

"_Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The Cullen's are back."_

Chapter 63: Thirst no More

Bella flew out of the house and nearly ripped the door off Jake's ancient Rabbit. It was a good thing Nessie was half-vampire or her mother's enthusiastic embrace would have crushed her. She clung to her shoulders for support as she tried to catch her breath.

That's when she saw him for the first time, standing as still as a statue on the front porch. She could almost feel the focus of his mind as Edward's eyes sought hers. Nessie quickly lowered her gaze, desperately wanting to avoid a confrontation.

All of the vamps could hide their emotions—freezing their faces into marble masks of neutral indifference—but her father's eyes always told the truth. What would she see? Anger? Sadness? Disappointment? _Rejection?_

Nessie had rehearsed, over and over for weeks, what she would say, or rather _think, _when she saw her father again. _"Please don't be angry… Jake and I are so happy... I can't even apologize, because I'm not sorry… I know it's a shock, it was to us as well, but just like everything else, we didn't have a choice. Destiny planned our wedding. Fate solemnized our vows with blood and tears instead of words and rings. But I don't care… I couldn't be happier… please try to understand…"_

"Renesmee Love, look at me."

Every planned and practiced phrase disappeared from her mind when she saw his eyes—his beautiful, love-filled, intelligent and _bright green_ eyes.

A thousand thoughts assailed her mind all at once… _"Why are his eyes green? What happened to my father? Is this the big secret? Did he find a cure for vampirism? Is he mortal? Will he age and die? Who of my family would choose to remain a monster like me? Will they all seek to become human? I don't want to watch them grow old and die; but I don't want to be human. I want to live with Jake forever…"_

"It's not a cure, Renesmee. It's only a benign side effect of consuming artificial blood." Edward smiled sadly and whispered. "I've missed you, Sweetheart."

Nessie burst into tears then flew across the yard, up the porch steps and into her father's arms.

Nessie couldn't stop staring at her family's faces as they sat around the conference table. They all seemed so alien with their brilliantly colored, jewel-toned, _unnaturally_ beautiful, and _inhuman _eyes.

Edward's eyes were a deep emerald green with flecks of pure gold, while Esme's were more bluish-green, like the foliage of the forest between twilight and nightfall.

Of the blue-eyed vampires, Alice's eyes were the darkest. They looked almost black until light struck her irises and revealed their true color… deep, dark, and sparkling sapphire blue.

Rosalie's eyes were the color of robin's eggs with a darker royal-blue rim around the edges—a perfect compliment to her golden blonde hair.

Jasper's pale eyes were a captivating and iceberg-blue; they glowed and sparkled like sunlight on arctic ice.

Bella and Emmett's chocolate brown eyes were also inhumanly beautiful and luminescent, warmed by specs of glowing amber light.

Her vampire family's eyes were haunting and mesmerizing, but no one's eyes were as alluring and fascinating as Jacob's.

Edward cleared his throat, and Nessie felt Jake twitch beside her. Apparently, he had been daydreaming also. "Everyone else has already heard all of this. If you two aren't interested, please just say so. It won't hurt my feelings."

Jake was quick to apologize, "Sorry Edward. Nessie and I really do want to hear all about your discovery, it's just that we haven't been married very long, and we are… easily distracted."

"Bella! Shield their minds, please." Edward glared at Jake then rolled his eyes and went back to his lecture…

"Carlisle desperately wanted to find a palatable substitute for human blood. If vampires ceased to prey on the human population, they would have no reason to fear us, we wouldn't have to hide. Imagine the freedom!"

Edward's face shone with a zealot's fervor, but Jasper, Alice, and Bella were frowning. Nessie guessed that not all vampires at the convention shared Edward's enthusiasm.

In fact, the idea of "not hiding" was so radical; it could destabilize the already fragile post-Volturi political climate. If even a few groups were vehemently opposed, it would mean civil war.

"Before we could develop a successful blood substitute, we first had to learn why we need blood in the first place. Carlisle was a pioneer in vampire physiology. His research and notes must be preserved and published."

Edward held up a clear bag of milky white liquid. "This is only the beginning. We already have two laboratories in full production and several more around the world under construction. No vampire needs to ever suffer from thirst again."

Nessie caught a faint trace of its scent. It smelled wonderful, and she desperately wanted to taste it, but it did not cause her throat to burn or trigger bloodlust. It was appetizing—but not irresistible—not like human blood.

Her mouth watered, but Nessie shifted her focus back to her father. "As you know we do not need to breathe, we don't even need oxygen to survive. However, we do need oxygen to function properly.

Our lungs do not serve the same purpose as human lungs. They are nothing more than a bellows, drawing air into our nasal passageways so we can utilize our sense of smell. Without a functioning circulatory system, there is no exchange of oxygen.

"When a vampire feeds, the oxygen rich blood of his victim soothes the sensitive membranes of his throat. It pools in what was once his stomach, and then through passive diffusion, delivers oxygen to every cell in his body.

"Ya know Edward; this is the twenty-first century. Gender specific pronouns are out of style." Emmett said, with a grin.

Edward closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm just sayin'. You need to be more sensitive." Emmett leaned back in his chair balancing on the back two legs and took a swig out of a dark green wine bottle.

"I offer my sincerest apologies to the ladies in the room."

"Nope. Still sexist. They prefer to be called women. In fact, you should just apologize to everyone."

"I meant no offense to _anyone_. Now may I please continue?"

"Sure. I'm just looking out for you, Bro."

"Thank you Emmett." Edward managed through clenched teeth.

"As I was saying, _Our_ bodies crave blood because that is our sole source of oxygen. Our throats burn as if on fire. Every cell screams for relief. This craving is what triggers bloodlust.

"Animal blood gives us the oxygen we need; however, it does not give us what we _want_.

"When human blood combines with our venom, it morphs into a compound that triggers all the pleasure receptors in our brains. The feeling for us is similar to a heroine-induced high for a human. It is one reason our 'vegetarian' diet is so difficult to maintain. Once you experience this 'high', you crave the feeling as much as the nourishment.

"Once we understood the true purpose of blood and how it functions in a vampire's body, we began our quest to develop a manufactured substitute. We traveled down many different paths in our research. The most promising was the use of perflourocarbons, or PFCs, as oxygen carriers. I won't go into all the technical details, but the discovery of PFCs gave us the most hope.

Emmett drank deeply from his wine bottle, rolled his eyes with pleasure, and smacked his lips. "I still say you stole the idea from my favorite show." When he set the bottle on the table and removed his hand, Nessie read the fake label Emmett had been hiding... "_Tru Blood"._

Edward rolled his eyes and exhaled loudly. "Emmett, how many times do I have to tell you? That show isn't _real_. Carlisle and I began working on this formula before television was invented. Sookie Stackhouse wasn't even born yet…"

"I thought you said the show wasn't real." Emmett's grin was infectious and Nessie snorted when she tried to keep from laughing. Jake chortled, but tried to hide it behind a fake cough.

Emmett's face lit up. "Hey Jake, do you watch 'True Blood'?"

Jake blushed when he answered. "I've seen it a couple of times, but mostly I just get flashes of different scenes when I'm on patrol. It's the packs favorite show."

Nessie decided to borrow Emmett's DVD collection of past episodes. If Jake liked the show, he might get a kick out of watching it with his very own half-vampire.

Edward sighed and Nessie felt a little guilty for not giving him the attention and respect he deserved. Carlisle's message had hinted that this discovery could profoundly change the future for vampires.

"Please continue Daddy." Edward pursed his lips and raised one eyebrow. He was obviously annoyed and about out of patience; but Nessie knew how to soften him up. She pushed her lower lip out just a tiny bit, tilted her head to the side, and begged, "Pleeease?"

"Alright." Edward took a deep breath and resumed once again. "We had two major problems producing a useable product. Perflourocarbons are a type of plastic, and as such, are subject to rapid deterioration when exposed to venom. They dissolved so quickly, very little oxygen was absorbed even in the throat. We had hoped it would at least relieve the burn. It did not.

The second problem we needed to overcome was the relatively small size of PFCs. A normal human red blood cell is 7 microns whereas perflourocarbons are only 0.2 microns. So even if we solved the first problem, the small size of PFCs would allow them to slip through normally impenetrable vampiric tissue. They would escape before passive diffusion could deliver the necessary levels of oxygen to the body.

"I've been telling everyone for years that 'size matters'."

Rose smacked the back of Emmett's head and snarled at him. "Stop interrupting!"

Edward tried a new tactic and simply ignored Emmett's suggestive remark. "Carlisle and I would work on one problem for a while, then the other, but never found a solution to either dilemma. Just prior to his death, Carlisle had an epiphany. This is what he wrote in his final notes…

"We must stop wasting our time trying to change the structure of PFCs. We must instead focus our efforts on developing anti-venom. This anti-venom can then be incorporated into our plasma formula effectively neutralizing the problem."

"Developing anti-venom was not difficult. I don't know why we didn't do it sooner. The real miracle was that when we added the anti-venom to the formula, it caused the PFCs to 'clump' together.

"This instantly and miraculously solved the second problem. The increased size of these PFC clumps averages about 6.83 microns. Permeability is no longer a problem." Edward finally smiled and sat down.

"That's wonderful Dad. Can I ask a couple of questions?"

"Of course, Sweetheart."

"I was wondering about everyone's eye color. You said it was a benign side effect. What actually caused the change?"

"Ah yes. I suppose 'side effect' was a bit of a misnomer. It's actually the consumption of blood that causes the side effects of maroon or gold irises—depending on the source. My human eyes were green. Without hemoglobin, the natural color is revealed. Like every other physical feature our eyes were enhanced when we became vampires."

"Enhanced?" Jake queried incredulously. "The yellow-gold was weird, but believable. Your day-glow neon eyes are not. I'm sorry Edward, but there's no way you can pass for human with eyes like those."

"You're right Jacob. That is why we also developed a line of contact lenses for the human population. Instead of trying to look human, we plan to entice humans to look like us. We have already delivered several hundred prototypes to various actors, rock stars, and other celebrities.

The first production run of three hundred thousand will be available to the general public in time for Christmas. We are counting on human vanity to make our 'neon day-glow' eyes the norm instead of the exception."

Jake shook his head and laughed. "You can always count on human vanity."

"I don't mean to change the subject, but can you survive on artificial blood? Do you need to supplement your diet with the real thing?"

This time Bella answered her. "Actually we are thriving on the artificial blood. It is much better suited to our physiology than animal blood. It is the first time I've been completely satiated since becoming a vampire."

"Well now that's just plain sad. It sounds like Edward could use a few pointers."

"You know that is not what I meant, Emmett. In fact I'm sure Edward could teach you a thing or two…"

"MOM! Too much information."

Emmett's belly laugh was contagious and Nessie began to giggle in spite of herself.

"Try it, Nessie. You're gonna love it!" Emmett passed his bottle of 'Tru Blood' to her, but Jake intercepted it."

"No way! I'm not letting you experiment with Nessie."

Edward scowled. "You know I would never let Bella, or any member of my family, consume a product that was not one hundred percent safe."

Jake knit his brows together and frowned back at him. "Just because you _believe _it's safe doesn't mean it actually is."

"We let George and Sophie drink it." Rose announced indignantly.

"It is in Carl's sippy cup, or at least it was." Morgan laughed. "It looks like he finished it." Carl wiggled his fingers in a strange pattern.

"That's sign language for 'more'." Marcus announced proudly. "Stay put Morgan; I'll go get it for him."

"Do you honestly think a pediatrician would give her own child something 'unsafe'?" Rose asked. "You are being ridiculous, Jacob."

"No everyone, it's okay. I don't want to drink it if it's going to upset Jake." Nessie paused, and then added, "but it sure smells good!"

"Well if this stuff is so wonderful, are you going to make it available to humans?" Jake asked, "Without the anti-venom of course."

"We have already applied for world-wide patents and are waiting for FDA approval to begin human trials."

"Wow. This stuff could save thousands of lives!" Jake was becoming more excited by the minute. "We wouldn't need to blood type accident victims before transfusions. We wouldn't have to worry about infected blood. Oh man, this is amazing."

Nessie put her hand on Jake's cheek. _"I won't ask again in front of everyone, but… I would really like to taste it. Do you mind?"_

Jake put his huge warm hand over hers and pressed it even tighter against his cheek. He sighed, kissed her palm, and nodded.

"I guess if you all think it's safe, I should trust your judgment." Jake handed the bottle to Nessie. "But just a little taste, okay?"

"Okay." Nessie took one little sip and was amazed. It tasted even better than it smelled. She could have easily drained the entire bottle, but she didn't want to break her agreement with Jake. If it had been a bottle of human blood, they would have had to pry it out of her mouth.

Nessie and Jake stayed for "dinner" and Jake graciously poured a large glass of artificial blood and handed it to her. It was so strange to drink out of a glass and enjoy it. For years her parents, Carlisle, and Jake had tried to force human food down her throat.

This was the first time Nessie had ever seen any of her family drink anything that didn't have a dead animal attached to it.

Esme, Alice, and Rosalie sipped from champagne flutes, while Emmett swigged gulps straight from his "Tru Blood" wine bottle.

Jasper drank his from a tall clear glass like Nessie. Luca stabbed one of the clear plastic bags with a straw and sipped on it for hours.

There was an air of celebration as they all "dined" together. Jake, Embry, Leah, Morgan, and Alejandro enjoyed grilled steaks and baked potatoes. The artificial blood looked like milk so it didn't disturb Morgan or the wolves.

Alejandro, who didn't like blood at all, stole a beer out of the fridge. When Jasper pretended he didn't see it, Nessie lifted her eyebrows and nodded at the delinquent teen. Jasper whispered, "You learn to pick your battles, but I promise you, he won't find beer in there again. Charlie will just have to bring his own from now on."

Her mother was right. Nessie's craving for blood was completely satisfied.

There was only one thing she craved now. _Two more days, just two more days… I wonder? What possible difference could 48 hours make?_

**A/N So there you have it… the final secret has been revealed. I hope it met your expectations. **

**If I could have come up with a better ending for this chapter, it would have been the end of the story. (Except for the epilogue) Maybe the next chapter will have the "punch" I need to finish this baby. I hate it when books fizzle out without a satisfying conclusion. There is no way I'm ending this on a "filler" chapter. (Sorry Peter, it's not over yet.) **

**I started working on the epilogue a couple of days ago to wrap up the loose ends. It could easily morph into another novel, but I promised Peter I wouldn't do that. I also promised to start on my original work as soon as I finished this "practice run". **

**I still need to edit "Life Sucks" and will work on it simultaneously while writing the rough draft of my own novel. Once I get it cleaned up, I'll submit it to some of the juried websites. I might even do an audio version and podcast it.**

**Keep "Life Sucks" on Alert if you want news of future developments. I'll post the info here.**

**Here's a snippet of conversation I had with my hubby last night in bed as he tried to ignore the clicking keys of my laptop…**

**Pete: Are you ever going to finish this story?**

**Me: Of course I am, it's almost done.  
**

**Pete: You said that in June.**

**Me: 'Almost' is a relative term.**

**Pete: You are going to be 90 years old; buried under a pile of Pepsi cans and candy wrappers; and asking for my opinion of chapter 9,483 before you post it.**

**Me: Probably.**

**Pete: One day you'll dig your way out from under the trash and notice the pile of dust next to you… that will be me.**

**Me: You died?**

**Pete: Yeah, two years ago and you didn't even notice.**

**Me: So that's ****why you quit laughing at my jokes.**


	64. Hopes and Dreams

**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer; I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. No copyright infringement intended.**

Chapter 64: Hopes and Dreams

"Nessie Sweetheart, are you sure you don't want me to stay? I can get someone to cover my shift." Jake's worried expression made her feel guilty. She wanted nothing more than to have him stay in bed with her all day—but they couldn't afford it. They needed his paycheck more than ever.

"No Jake. You've already used up all your personal days and sick leave. You have to go to work. Besides, people are counting on you." She took a deep shaky breath, fighting another wave of nausea.

"Nessie, you are my top priority. I don't want to leave when you still feel so horrible. At least let me take you to the cottage. It's nice and quiet, and your mom can…"

"My mom can, and most certainly will, hover like a helicopter. Jake I don't need any help. It's just a little morning sickness. I haven't even thrown up yet. Maybe I won't throw up at all. I think I'm over the worst of…"

She rolled onto her side as Jake grabbed the plastic bowl they used as a "puke bucket" and held her hair out of the way while she dry-heaved and gagged over it. She only managed to produce a small amount of bile, but at least the nausea subsided.

Jake handed her a glass of water so she could rinse the bitter taste out of her mouth. He washed the bowl then put it on the TV tray next to the bed.

"Nessie I'm afraid you're getting dehydrated. If you don't let me take you to your parent's cottage, I'm not leaving." He wiped her face with a cool damp cloth before folding it neatly into thirds and placing it gently on her forehead. "It's your choice."

Nessie didn't want to get out of bed much less get in the car and drive to her parent's house. She didn't want Jake to miss any more work either. "Jake, I'm fine, but if it will make you feel any better; just ask one of the wolf-girls to come baby-sit me for a couple of hours."

"Alright Sweetheart, but I'm not leaving until they get here. Can I get you anything?"

Jake was right, she was getting dehydrated, but she was still too nauseated to risk even a sip of artificial blood.

"Do we have any more green grapes?" Her sudden and unexpected craving for green grapes was the first sign that forty-eight hours did indeed make a difference when using the rhythm method of birth control.

They had gone to the big house to share a meal with her extended family and Jake's pack. The fruit bowl looked and smelled appealing for the first time in her life. _That's weird. _

Emmett was sipping on his ever-present bottle of "Tru Blood" when Jake and Nessie walked into the living room.

"Hey Jake, what do you call people that use the rhythm method?" Emmett grinned at them and wiggled his eyebrows. Jake glared at Emmett first then turned his angry eyes on Quil and Embry. Quil pointed at Embry who found the floor very interesting all of the sudden.

"You know I'm not going to leave it alone until you answer the question."

Jake rolled his eyes and sighed. "I don't know Emmett. Frustrated?"

"Nope… Pregnant!"

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. Embry, stop by our apartment after dinner tonight. We need to have a little talk."

Emmett took another swig from his bottle and lightly punched Jake on the shoulder. It would have knocked a lesser man to the ground. "Hey now Jake, don't give him a hard time. We were just shooting the breeze and I was curious, so I asked him."

"Just because you ask an inappropriate question doesn't mean he has to answer it."

Nessie should have been embarrassed, but for some reason it just didn't bother her. Maybe it was because she was so distracted by her sudden craving for green grapes.

She shocked everyone when she picked up a handful and began to nibble on them. She had never experienced any desire for human food before, much less a _craving_ for it. So of course, everyone was suspicious. What should have been a private moment between Jake and Nessie turned into a family affair.

"Nessie, come with me for a moment." Morgan beckoned and Nessie followed her numbly upstairs. "When was your last menstrual cycle?"

"I'm only a couple of days late and that can happen because of stress, right? It doesn't necessarily I'm… I mean… I can't be… pregnant?"

"Do you know how to use a home pregnancy test?"

Nessie began to panic. "Um… no, not really but I just urinate on it right?"

"That's correct. Then we wait for a few minutes and check the results."

Nessie's eyes filled with tears and she whispered, "I want Jake."

She didn't have to ask twice. He was there in a heartbeat.

"Jake… I… I don't… what if… I'm pregnant?"

"If you are, we'll celebrate."

Nessie was confused. "And if I'm not?"

"We'll celebrate that too."

"Jake? I don't understand."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Go pee on the stick Honey, and then we'll talk about it."

Jake had been wonderful. In fact, everyone was thrilled. The whole family celebrated with them and it wasn't until they got back to their apartment that Nessie began to worry again.

"Jake, we can't afford a baby."

He pulled her onto his lap and held her head against his chest.

"Of course we can. We're better off than most people on the rez, and they have babies all the time."

"But Jake, we were going to wait…"

"Ness, listen to me. It doesn't matter anymore what we were going to do." He slipped his hand over her belly and whispered, "We are going to have a baby Nessie! This is awesome. Can you believe it? I'm going to be a father!" Jake stood up with Nessie in his arms and carried her across the room. He set her gently on the bed and whispered seductively, "And we don't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore."

Green grapes and artificial blood were the only things she could tolerate. Just the thought of animal blood made her sick.

"I'll call Rach and have her pick up some more grapes on her way over here. Do you want anymore Tru Blood?" Even though they had patented the artificial blood as "Cullen-Globin", everyone except her parents and Esme called it "Tru Blood".

"No thanks, I still have some left over from last night." Tru Blood had many distinct advantages over donor blood. The fact that it didn't need refrigeration was a huge bonus.

Unfortunately, it would be several years before Cullen-Globin would be available to the human population. Once all the FDA requirements were met, it would generate more than enough income to supply the worldwide vampire population. Until then, the Cullen fortune was all that kept production levels high enough to meet the demand.

Cullen-Globin was given free of charge to any vampire that wanted it. No questions asked. Edward had wanted to enforce a no-human-blood rule to participating vamps, but Alice's visions revealed the folly of that plan.

Until at least seventy-five percent of all vampires gave up human blood, any demands or restrictions would do more harm than good.

Jake was still on the phone when he sat on the edge of the bed and tried to hand feed Nessie from a large bunch of grapes. "Yeah, that would be great. We'll see you in a bit."

Nessie turned her head away and refused his offering. "Not right now Jake."

He sighed heavily and frowned. "I wish Carlisle were here. I think you need an IV but since I don't know how your body would handle it, I don't dare try it."

"I'll drink some Tru Blood as soon as my stomach settles down. I promise."

"Well, Rachel will be here in a little bit and she'll be sure you keep that promise." Nessie groaned. She would have preferred just about anyone else, but maybe it would give her a chance to get to know her sister-in-law a little better.

Nessie's pregnancy progressed without incident. The morning sickness ended and other fruits became palatable. Her consumption of artificial blood increased dramatically which made everyone think this child would be a blood-drinker. The strangest thing of all, was her craving for pickled ginger. She just couldn't get enough.

The first ever half-Quileute, one-quarter vampire, and one-quarter Caucasian child was almost here after six months gestation and "just" fourteen hours of labor…

"Push Nessie! That's it Baby, you're doing great." She was so tired. She wanted to quit, just give up and go home, but Jake's words gave her strength. Her mind focused on the most insignificant details to shore up her courage…

Dark hands supporting pale legs as she pushed past the point of exhaustion… strong arms that held her as she collapsed with each waning contraction… the heat of his chest and belly soothing her aching back… the steady and comforting sound of his heartbeat…

"I'm so proud of you Nessie. I love you so much." Jake's voice shook with emotion and she felt a trickle of tears against her hand when she palmed his cheek. _"I love you too, Jake." _He leaned into her hand then kissed her palm as the next contraction started to build.

"Big breath and push…. Oh… wow." Nessie was so focused on her own body that she barely noticed the way Jake's was shaking behind her. "There's the head, Nessie. Open your eyes and look at our baby's head."

She barely got a glimpse before the next contraction required her full attention. Everything changed in an instant. One minute she felt like she was being ripped in half and turned inside out—the next she was a quivering mass of relief… and joy.

"It's a girl! Oh Nessie Sweetheart, we have a daughter!" Jake wept openly as he placed his trembling hands over hers. Again the contrast of russet brown and ivory white captured her attention.

Morgan laid their baby on Nessie's tummy and tried to suction a bit more fluid, but their little girl wasn't cooperating. They all laughed as she squirmed and tried to avoid the nasal syringe.

"Oh poor baby girl. That doesn't feel very good does it?" Morgan crooned as she worked. "She looks great, APGAR score 9 at time of birth. Congratulations."

Nessie's hands shook as she touched her baby for the first time. "Oh God, she's so beautiful." Jake whispered reverently as he gently laid his hands over hers, completely covering their baby's tiny body.

"So Dad, are you ready to cut the cord?" Morgan asked as she pulled a wheeled cart next to the bed.

"Yeah." Jake murmured and reached his long arms over Nessie's shoulders.

"Ordinarily, I'd ask you to get out of bed first, but since you don't have any problem reaching the baby from there, I'll let you stay. Besides, I'd hate to disturb Nessie. You wolf-boys make great birthing-beds."

Jake and Nessie carefully examined their baby. She was perfect in every way. Her downy-soft hair was coal black like Jake's, but wavey instead of straight. Her skin-tone was a golden coffee-and-cream. Her dark eye's were wide open and locked onto her father's adoring gaze. Who ever said newborn babies couldn't see, didn't know what they were talking about. She wrapped her tiny fingers around Jake's pinky and clung to him with surprising strength.

"So, are you going to let us know her name?" Ultrasound equipment didn't work any better on Nessie than it had on her mother, so the child's gender was a surprise. They decided to keep the name a surprise as well.

"We want to tell everyone at the same time."

"Oh alright then, I guess I can be patient for a few more minutes. What do you say we try to get little no-name baby girl to nurse? It will help the uterus contract and expel the placenta."

Nessie was surprised at how difficult it was at first. She assumed you just stuck a boob in the baby's face and they took over from there. Her daughter had a strong sucking reflex, but seemed to prefer her father's knuckle to her mother's nipple.

They were both getting frustrated and Nessie was very close to tears before her baby latched on successfully. "There you go. It just takes a little practice—for both of you. Don't worry, you'll be getting plenty of practice in the next few days."

Morgan checked to be sure the baby was latched on correctly and smiled. "It might be a little uncomfortable at first, and I recommend you only let her nurse for a few minutes on each side until you have a chance to toughen up a bit."

"I don't think she could hurt me… half-vamp, remember?"

Morgan smiled. "Ah, that's true. I wished I were half-vamp when Carl started cutting teeth."

Nessie and Jake both cringed as Morgan laughed. "It wasn't as bad as you might think. I still have all the equipment to nurse the next one." Her hand slipped down over her belly seemingly of its own accord.

"Morgan?" Nessie asked, and lifted her eyebrows.

"It's supposed to be a secret, but as you know these little half-vamps don't let you hide them for long."

"Oh my gosh! Congratulations!" Nessie squealed excitedly and no-name-baby-girl let go and started to wail.

Jake climbed out of bed and reached out his hands for his daughter. Nessie handed her over and she immediately quieted. "Already a 'Daddy's Girl'? You two are going to have your hands full with this one. What do you say we get a diaper on her and a nice dry blankie?"

Nessie watched as Jake diapered and swaddled their baby like a pro. "Um… Morgan? I think I'm having contractions again."

"Very good. It means your uterus is trying to shrink, and expel the afterbirth."

Morgan worked silently, monitoring both of them while Nessie and Jake continued to admire their daughter. Once the placenta was delivered and everything cleaned up, Nessie asked to see her family.

Jacob was sitting in the recliner next to her bed holding their beautiful baby girl when the room instantly and silently filled with friends and family. She knew it was only instinct, but it surprised her when Jake hunched protectively over the baby and growled softly.

"It's okay, Jake. They're family."

His cheeks flushed bright red and he apologized for growling. However, he didn't relax his defensive posture or offer to let anyone else hold his daughter.

Edward laughed quietly and Jake narrowed his eyes at him. "I was just remembering how I felt the first time I saw you holding _my_ daughter." Jake's smile spread slowly across his face until he was grinning from ear to ear.

"I think I might be able to sympathize with you a little, now." Jake laughed quietly and shook his head slowly from side to side. "I don't know how you kept from killing me." Everyone laughed, dispelling what little tension remained.

Jake stood up slowly, carefully cradling their daughter in his strong protective arms. He gently pulled the receiving blanket back revealing the face of the most beautiful baby Nessie had ever seen. She yawned, blinked her eyes open, and began to root around with an open mouth.

Jake laughed. "Sorry Sweetheart, I don't have what you're looking for. We'll get you back to Mommy as soon as everyone has a chance to meet you."

She closed her mouth, smacked her lips two times, stared into her father's face and _smiled_. Jake's matching grin lit up the entire room.

"Well everyone, Nessie and I would like to introduce our daughter, Sarah Isabella." He placed a tender and gentle kiss on her forehead and Nessie felt her eyes fill with tears of joy.

She looked around the crowded room and felt her heart swell with love. Vampires, werewolves, half-vamps, and humans all gathered to celebrate the birth of the most unique and beautiful creature on the planet.

A new era was indeed dawning. Vampires had a new and appealing source of nourishment that made it easy to give up human blood. The Volturi were defeated and although the political climate was still unstable, Alice foresaw many possibilities for previously unimaginable and exciting futures.

Sarah Isabella was irrefutable proof that vampires and werewolves did not have to be mortal enemies. They could do more than just tolerate each other. Her birth was a wonderful example of what can happen when love conquers all.

Maybe someday all of their secrets could be safely revealed. Maybe her own grandchildren or great-grandchildren could grow up in a world where mythical creatures were welcomed into the human family—and magic was just a part of everyday life.

"Bells, do you want to hold your granddaughter?"

Her mother's face was full of joy as she moved slowly and gracefully towards Jake. She eagerly extended her arms to receive the tiny bundle that represented all their hopes and dreams for the future.

"Of course I do."

The End

**A/N I want to convey my sincerest and most heartfelt thanks to everyone that stuck with me through one of the most enjoyable creative endeavors of my life. There were a few rough bumps in the road, but with the encouragement, advice, and praise of faithful readers/reviewers we managed to "get 'er done". Thank you so much.**

**I admit I'm sad to see the end of the story, but it's time to start a new chapter in my life. I began work on "Shards of Glass" (the working title).**

**BellaFlan has edited the first four chapters of Life Sucks and I have posted them, replacing the original rough draft. I will continue to replace content as we go. Line editing is a long and tedious process and I am extremely grateful for the professional assistance of a very talented author as well as editor. Check out her profile for some awesome stories. (The link is on my profile)**

**Even though the story is still undergoing the editing process, I am changing the status to "complete" since the story itself is indeed complete. If I came across a fic with over two hundred thousand words that was listed as incomplete and had not been updated in over two months, I would not read it. No one wants to invest that much time and energy into a story that appears to have been abandoned. I will still write and post the epilogue as soon as I get past my writer's block.**

"**Shards of Glass" is coming along great after a rough start. Writing without feedback after every chapter is very different. I still read each and every review for Life Sucks. Reviews have definitely dropped off since I finished the story and I miss the daily adrenaline rush from finding review notifications in my inbox. I know people are still reading and favoriting which makes me very happy, but I miss the reviews… sigh.**

**I have never been ashamed to beg for reviews so… I will send anyone that reviews, from this day forth, a sample from Shards of Glass.**

**I have a Live Journal account. Come check it out…**

**Char_webber{dot}livejournal{dot}com**

**Thank you for reading Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever. I hope you enjoyed it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Charlotte**

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**(Edit Evening of Dec. 12) I just found out... ****Life Sucks won first place for best original plot and I won second place for best author (Sparkle Awards). Thank you, everyone who voted for me and Life Sucks at the Sparkle Awards I love all of y'all!**


	65. Epilogue

**A/N I don't own any of the Twilight characters or the Twilight Universe. I do own Theresa, George, Sophie, Luca, Alejandro, Morgan, Carl, and all of Nessie and Jake's kids. If you use them, please be nice and credit this story. A like would be even better. I'm still addicted to reviews. (Hint)**

Chapter 65: Epilogue

"Oh my gosh! You haven't changed a bit!" Emily's scars had faded and all but disappeared into her wrinkled face. Nessie blushed. She always felt awkward for the first hour or so of these reunions. After all these years, everyone still acted surprised by the fact that Jake and Nessie hadn't aged at all. It was funny and sad at the same time. She and Jake had changed the most of anyone, just not physically. After serving the pack and the tribe for fifteen years, Jake had gladly handed the reins of leadership to Theresa McCarty, the first female Alpha in the history of the tribe. It made perfect sense to Nessie. With Leah and Embry as her parents, she had more werewolf DNA than anyone before her. At first, some of the guys had a difficult time accepting a female Alpha but once Theresa took over, there was no turning back. Theresa and George's daughter, Leah Rose, was assuming the alpha role at the bonfire tonight. Her induction ceremony was the reason for this particular reunion.

As the wood caught and the fire burned brighter, Nessie felt a strong sense of nostalgia.

Those early years on the rez were good years. Well, at least they were once the whole Esau problem was resolved. He was up for parole again in a few years. Nessie hoped they let him out this time. At ninety-eight years of age, he wouldn't pose much of a threat anymore and he didn't have many years of life left. Her attitude of forgiveness surprised her. Even though Esau's assassination attempt on Jacob's life had failed, she had hated the man for years. It felt good when she had finally let go of her burden of hatred. Forgiveness opened her heart and made room for even more joy.

Memories flooded her mind and Nessie remembered with fondness her years as "pack mother" on the rez. Their home was always full of the boisterous laughter of young wolves and children. Lots and lots of children. Nessie instinctively scanned the crowd looking for her youngest daughter. Lizzie was right where she expected her to be, bouncing around Collin like an excited golden retriever pup. He had imprinted on little Lizzie, Elizabeth as she preferred to be called now, at the last reunion ten years ago. Collin had become a permanent member of the Black family after that momentous occasion.

The joy of this reunion was marred by the absence of Jackson, their only child that had developed and aged like any other mortal. _Ah, Jackson… I wish you hadn't turned your back on us. _Nessie didn't like it, but she understood. Her oldest son had always felt like a "freak" growing up in a house full of vampy, wolfish siblings. She and Jake checked up on him and his growing family from time to time, just incase one of his grandchildren carried the shifter gene. Unbeknownst to Jackson, whenever any of his progeny passed through puberty, one of the Cullen's would visit. So far, none had shown any sign of phasing.

"Hello… Earth to Nessie… anyone home…?" Nessie snapped her head up and was immediately engulfed in the large soft arms and ample bosom of Claire Ateara.

"Claire! Oh my! It's so good to see you again! How is everyone?" Nessie gushed. She always felt comfortable around Claire. It didn't matter how many years had passed since their last meeting.

"We're all doing great. Quil Jr. and his wife just had their fourth baby, a girl. They are coming later tonight when she wakes up from her nap."

Nessie would never get used to the idea that Claire's Quil was now "Old Quil".

"That's wonderful news! How many grandkids do you have now?" Of course Nessie remembered, but she wanted to give Claire the opportunity to brag a bit and show her the stack of photos Nessie knew was always waiting in her friend's giant floral handbag.

Ten minutes and forty photos later, Leah rescued Nessie. "Come on you two. We are having an original pack wolf-girl meeting at Sam and Em's place in fifteen minutes. Help me round everybody up."

"Leah, you and Ness may still be wolf-girls, but the rest of us belong to the Cougar Clan now. We haven't been "wolf-_girls"_ for years. I swear if I had known it would take Quil so long to completely stop phasing, I would have made him try to stop the day we got married!"

Rachael joined the group and added her own complaint. "Ha! At least you got him to stop. Paul still loses it and phases every four or five years. Look at the man, would you? He doesn't look a day over fifty."

Nessie looked at the cluster of men crowded around her husband. It was true. Paul definitely looked the youngest of all the wolves imprinted to mortals. Even Brady and Seth looked decades older than Paul. Emily lightened the mood by nudging Rachael's shoulder and growling playfully, "You go girl! Way to make the Cougar Clan proud." Rachael grinned and Nessie suspected that Rachael enjoyed the fact that her husband was still so fit and attractive.

"Well, come on ladies, let's get inside before the men figure out what we're up to." Kim started shepherding them towards Emily's house, but it wasn't easy. Someone would inevitably spot a friend they hadn't seen in years and dart off to talk to them. "I swear it would be easier to herd a group of cats than this bunch." Kim groused. "Dee Clearwater! Get over here now!"

"I'll meet you all inside, I need to be sure that husband of mine is going to keep an eye on Billy Jake." Nessie excused herself for a minute and overheard someone whisper, "Can you believe they are still having children? I mean come on! They have great-grandkids and their youngest is only two years old! That's just weird."

"I happen to think it's wonderful." Leah didn't bother whispering. She never had and she never would. "If Embry and I hadn't been so afraid of having a mortal child, we would have loved to have more. I admire Jake and Nessie's courage, especially after their second child turned out to be mortal. You have no idea what it's like to watch the people you love grow old and die while you stay young forever."

"Do you expect us to feel sorry for you? What is your complaint? Life sucks and then you live forever? My gosh, Leah. You and Embry are eternally young. You don't have to deal with failing memories, painful joints, sickness of any sort, incontinence, or impotence. Your lives are perfect."

"We have our own sorrows to deal with. So no, Emily, our lives are not perfect. Wait a minute… did you say impotence? Sam's impotent? Geeze, that really sucks. Have you tried Viagra?"

"I am not discussing this with you! How would you like to watch Embry grow old and sick by his own choice, just because he doesn't want to outlive you. If Sam had imprinted on you instead of me, he would look and feel just as young and healthy as Embry."

"Oh come on Emily. I thought we were past that. Sam imprinted on you because you are his soul mate. You've made him happier than anyone else ever could have."

"I'm not so sure. You and Embry aren't imprinted and from what I remember there is a certain half-vamp that is still his true soul mate. And yet, you and Embry seem happy enough."

"We are." Leah's voice sounded strained and more subdued. Nessie wanted to go back and defend her friend but she did not want to get into any discussion that included Embry's soul mate, Sophie McCarty. The little tramp had dumped Petey and stolen the heart of his baby brother, Eddie Mack. That had happened three years ago and her sons still weren't talking. Even now, they were staring daggers at each other from across the bonfire while Sophie soaked it up like sunshine.

Try as she might, Nessie couldn't feel sorry for Sophie. Sure, it was heartbreaking that her soul mate broke their imprint when she was still a child, but that's just the way life was sometimes. _Get over it Sophie and stop tearing my family apart_.

Nessie focused on other conversations to distract her as she continued to search for her baby. When she finally spotted Billy Jake, she couldn't keep from smiling. He was curled up into a tight little ball, sucking his thumb and nestled into the side of a giant wolf. She wasn't sure, but Nessie thought the sandy colored wolf was one of Seth and Dee's grandsons. Every time they returned to La Push there was a different pack guarding the rez and citizens of Forks. Old wolves retired and young ones took their place. For the most part, Nessie didn't pay much attention to the passing years. Except for Jackson of course. His mortality was her life's greatest sorrow, but she did not regret his birth. She would always cherish the few years they had with him.

In many ways those early years were some of the best. She and Jake had scrimped and saved and loved every minute of it. All but their last two children were born during that decade and a half on the rez, living in Jake's boyhood home and trying to master the rhythm method of birth control. They had added on and added on until the old place was unrecognizable. Their friends had begun to age, but were still strong and healthy for the most part. Jake finally agreed to use some of the income generated by their trust fund to pay for medical school while Nessie devoted all her time and energy to being a full time mother to their own little pack of wolves. No one was surprised when Jake graduated with honors and specialized in endocrinology. The last years of Billy's life were some of his best as a direct result of the interactive insulin pump Jacob had designed and developed.

The Cullen-Black pump changed the lives of diabetics all over the world. Jacob had insisted on adding the Cullen name to the patent since "Cullen money" made it possible—even though Jacob repaid every dime he used of trust fund money as soon as he started earning royalties. Even without their trust fund and Jake's generous donations to a multitude of charities, the Black family would never have to pinch another penny.

"Nessie! Are you coming or not?" Leah obviously didn't want to deal with the "old ladies," as she secretly called them, on her own.

"Sure, sure, I'll be right there," Nessie whispered, knowing Leah's supersonic werewolf hearing would pick it up. The meeting turned out to be nothing more than just a gossip fest to catch up with everyone's lives. Nessie and Leah didn't add much to the converstion. Their lives were so different from their old, very literally old, friends. They had nothing in common anymore. After about a half hour, Nessie and Leah decided to return to the bonfire.

They were about half way there when a shrill and pitiful keening pierced their ears. "OH NO! I DON'T FREAKIN' BELIEVE THIS. NO! EDDIE MACK! NO!"

Nessie flew down the path to the beach with her heart in her throat and Leah close on her heels. When they got close enough to see what happened Nessie fell to her knees, as relief washed over her and turned her joints to jelly. _He's okay. My boy is okay. _In fact, Eddie Mack was more than okay. Quil Jr. and his wife were cradling their daughter glaring at Nessie's son Eddie Mack. Sophie was sobbing and pulling on his arm in vain trying to pull him away from his new center of gravity.

Petey stood behind Sophie and when Eddie Mack jerked his arm out her grasp, she fell right into the arms of her former lover and the older brother of Eddie Mack. Nessie gritted her teeth. She didn't want any of her boys involved with that treacherous little vixen, but at least Petey and Eddie Mack had a chance to mend their relationship.

The drama was not over yet. Jake stood in front of his trembling son with his strong and steady hands on the boy's shoulders and the young Ateara couple at his back. "Edward Mackenzie Black, calm down this instant. You don't want to hurt anyone." Eddie Mack didn't seem to notice. His eyes were wide and wild, but his mouth was parted into a soft smile of reverent awe and wonder. He leaned around Jake's body obviously trying to get another look at the baby.

Old Quil with Claire at his side was frantically whispering to their son. "It's going to be alright. You know how this works. I imprinted on your mother when she was just two years old. You need to let him hold her, for just a few minutes. He needs to see her, son, or he's going to phase."

Quil Junior's hands were shaking when he pulled the blanket away from his tiny daughter's face. Jake still had a firm grip on Eddie Mack, but once his eyes met hers, he seemed to melt. "Oh. She's so beautiful. So perfect. Please… may I… I want to hold her."

The young Mrs. Ateara Jr. sobbed quietly as her newborn baby was passed from her husband's arms to those of the man she would someday marry. Nessie took a quick peek at her future daughter-in-law and then backed away. The pain of the babe's mother was too much to bear.

She hadn't gone far when the sound of another unfolding drama accosted her ears.

Leah and Embry were trying to comfort Sophie while Petey stood nearby looking helpless. Nessie didn't want to intrude, especially since she wouldn't be able to offer any condolences.

Without realizing where she was going, Nessie soon found herself wandering along the beach. The landscape had changed over the years. Old trees decayed and became part of the muddy shoreline while new driftwood created a maze of twisted and unfamiliar paths. Nessie found a good spot in the bleached branches of a huge tree that was one of the newest additions to the beach. As she listened to the waves lapping the shore, she thought about how sad the next few years would be as Jake's pack died off. There was a deeper grief trying to surface, but Nessie didn't want to face it.

She felt numb as she remembered the grief and months of sorrow when first Billy, then Charlie, Sue, Renee and Phil had passed away. They had mourned, deeply at first, but time soothed the hurt just the way it had when Carlisle had died.

A sharp pang of grief took her breath away. She couldn't hide from it any longer. Her son had just imprinted on a human child, a mortal. No other female wolves had phased since Leah and Theresa. The chances of the little Ateara baby girl ever phasing was slim to none. Eddie Mack would not want eternal youth and life. He couldn't just stop phasing and start aging. Eddie Mack was a blood-drinker as well as a werewolf. That wouldn't matter, though. He wouldn't want to live after his imprint died. She and Jake were going to lose another son to mortality.

Nessie was so caught up in her grief, that she didn't notice the soft footfalls and comforting scent of her reason for living as he crept up behind her. "Hey gorgeous, what are you doing out here all alone?"

She dropped out of the tree and fell, sobbing, into Jake's arms. He held her while she cried and Nessie placed her palm on his cheek. _"I can't lose another son, Jake. I just can't."_

Jacob gently gripped her wrist and slid her hand to his mouth. He kissed her palm and murmured. "I know, sweetheart. I know. At least she is just a baby, and I promise to do everything medically possible to keep her healthy so they both will live long and happy lives. Besides, we don't know for sure that she won't phase…"

Nessie rested her fingertips on Jake's warm full lips. "You're right, Jake. We don't know anyone's fate, not even our own. Carlisle's death taught me that. There's no such thing as immortality. Not in this life, anyway. Anyone can die at anytime."

Once upon a time, Nessie believed in fairy tales and living "happily ever after". Not any more. She knew that as long as they drew breath, they would continue to pass through countless trials and tribulations. She knew that life was full of heartache and pain. But when she looked into the depths of Jacob's eyes and saw her own soul reflected there, she also knew it was worth it.

"Kiss me Jake?"

His eyes darkened as he leaned down and brushed his lips gently across hers, soft as the wings of a butterfly. "Anytime, Nessie, anytime at all."

**A/N**

**Wow. I can't believe I did it. There was so much more I wanted to write, but I'm afraid the possible plotlines of this story are endless.**

**Thank you to everyone that read, reviewed, favorited, and voted for this story. It won first place at the Sparkle Awards for Best Original Plot. The adrenaline rush I got from winning, was what gave me the energy and drive I needed to get the epilogue written.**

**Following are **_**some**_** of the things I wanted to cover, but alas, I just don't have enough time or energy. If anyone would like to "adopt" any of these storylines, please just send me a PM and let me know which one you are writing... I got the idea from another author here on fanfic, but I can't remember who it was.**

**I will either put a link to your spinoff on my profile, or start a community for Life Sucks spin-offs. All I ask is that it be well written, "T" rated, and interesting. These stories can be multi chapter sagas, or one-shots. As long as it meets the other criteria, it qualifies. You can also come up with other plot lines and spinoffs and I will consider them as well.**

**1. Alejandro and Luca married and had two children ½ vamp ½ human When Alejandro continued to age, Alice bit him and turned him into a full vampire. They continued to have children even after Alejandro became a vampire. ¾ Vamp ¼ human. (I would love to read stories of their mischievous antics during their teen years)**

**2. Marcus and Morgan had their child, a girl, and then Marcus changed Morgan. They are active in vampire politics working towards ending all consumption of human blood and the eventual "outing" of vampires.**

**3. George and Theresa are blissfully happy. Theresa is a great Alpha and best friends with Jake and Nessie's daughter Sarah Isabella. George is a stay at home dad and loves his job.**

**4. Nahuel and Tanya are still together, but Tanya refuses to marry him. She wants her "freedom" to be with other men, but so far hasn't felt the need to exercise said freedom.**

**5. Alice and Jasper are rebuilding Volterra with Kate and Garrett, but calling it New Hope (I would love to have the Italian translation for new hope) They are creating a new government for vampires patterned after the ancient Greeks. Nomads are still a problem. They don't want to be controlled and most of them refuse to switch to Cullen-globin. Most of the covens are more civilized and eager to join the rest of humanity. Even the Romanians are ready for a change, especially after Edward creates their own blend of Tru Blood that sings for them (see number 7)**

**6. Esme lives with Alice and Jasper so Jaz can help manage her moods. She still misses Carlisle and looks forward to joining him some day. Edward noticed that Esme has started to age almost imperceptibly. At this rate, she will join Carlisle in about one thousand years. Marcus was aging after his wife died, but once he fell in love with Morgan, he was revitalized.**

**7. Edward perfected Cullen-Globin, coming up with ways to make it as irresistible as human blood. He also discovered a way to make special blends. His designer La Tua Cantante label that "sings" to different vampires. Each blend is individually crafted and only available to "vegetarian" vampires as a reward for giving up human and animal blood.**

**8. Any good T rated Emmett story (very rare.)**

**9. George and Sophie (the twins Emmett and Rosalie adopted)**

**10. Jasper and Alice dealing with Luca and Alejandro. (I'm fairly certain the whole Dr. Jasper storyline is going to be deleted.)**

**11. Mary and Joshua Uley. Leah buys a tabloid with a blurry photo of a ragged looking werewolf on its cover. She believes it's Embry and Sam's long lost father, Joshua Uley. Embry, Leah, Sam, Emily and all their offspring load up into a borrowed motorhome (Wolfpack Roadtrip! Woo Hoo!) and embark on a life-changing mission to find Joshua and reunite him with Embry's mom. (Mary's Secret chapter is definitely going to disappear into the wasteland of outtakes and one-shots. It created a huge plot hole in Life Sucks. Thank you BellaFlan for spotting it!)**

**BellaFlan is still hard at work line editing this story as well as updating her own wonderful stories. Check out her profile!**

**Whew! Longest author's note ever!**


	66. Author's Note and IOU

**A/N **

**I promised myself I'd never do this. (Post a note as a chapter) but since I'm promising to add to the "Life Sucks universe, I hope you'll forgive me."**

**Review count is a huge determining factor in story promotion. I know its hard to come up with reviews for every chapter of every story and I'm guilty of being so entranced by a story I hit the "next" button instead of the "review" button. I've decided to review when I can with an honest in-depth critique, but when I'm not feeling creative enough to put two words together, or if I'm just plain lazy, I can at least leave a "smile" after each chapter as thanks to the author. ** ;-)

**I'd love it if you would do the same for my story. When "Life Sucks" hits 2,000 reviews, I'll write a one shot spin off of Life Sucks about the couple with the most "votes." I prefer cannon couples, but I'll write anything as long as it's not slash.**


	67. Chapter 67

**A/N** Hi Everyone,

First of all I wanted to thank all of y'all for your support of "Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever." It has over 2,100 reviews now, and I am truly humbled. The success of "Life Sucks," is what encouraged me to pursue the dream of writing full time. It's been quite a ride with as many twists and turns as Jake and Nessie's story, but in the end it all came together.

My first novel, Enchantment (by Charlotte Abel) is now available as an e-book at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. The paperback can also be ordered at Amazon, if you prefer actual books.

I wanted to express my gratitude to each of you for your part in my success by offering you a discounted copy of "Enchantment" through Labor Day. So, for now, you can order a digital copy of Enchantment at Barnes and Noble or Amazon for just ninty-nine cents. After Labor Day, the price goes back up to the price of a venti cappuccino. (Still reasonable, but if you can save a couple of bucks, why not?)

I hope that if you enjoyed Life Sucks, you'll want to check out the first book in "The Channie Series." It's a paranormal romance about a young girl whose overbearing parents turn her life into a living hell when they decide to "protect her virtue" with a chastity spell. It's getting great reviews, but I'd love to hear what you think of my first "real" novel, and hope you will recommend it to your friends.

And, if you want to take the time to post a review or rating at B&N or Amazon, you can enter a contest to "Be In the Book". Get details about that, and a sneak peek into Channie's Diary at: www (dot) channiebelks (dot) com (wait til you've read the book because there are some spoilers in the diary).

Again, thank you all for your support! To get on my mailing list, please send an email to... char2556 (at) yahoo (dot) com **with "EC" in the subject line** (so I'll find it).

You can also follow me on twitter (at)charlotte_abel

Yup, that's my real name. Just type it into the search window at Amazon to find my author page, recent photo and short book trailer. There's even a link to my blog ;-)

Thank you,

Charlotte Abel


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